


Veritas Vincit

by NuriaSchnee



Series: Veritas Vincit Series [1]
Category: V for Vendetta - All Media Types
Genre: A bit of PSTD, Angst, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Betrayal, Birthday Smut, Blood, Bombs, Break Up, Bruises, Character Death, Comfort Sex, Communication, Compromise, Contraceptives, Denial of Feelings, Engagement, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Explosions, F/M, Fake Character Death, Fake V, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, First Kiss, First Time, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Getting Back Together, Grief/Mourning, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Imprisonment, Jealousy, Lingerie, Mental Health Issues, Motherhood, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Parenthood, Police Brutality, Possible Character Death, Psychological Torture, Rescue Missions, Revolution, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Sexual Tension, Skin Issues, Stitches, Teasing, Torture, True identity, Trust, Unplanned Pregnancy, V LIVES, V's Face, V's past, Very Bad Wounds, Violence, Weapons, a lot of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-12 16:51:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 245,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21479674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuriaSchnee/pseuds/NuriaSchnee
Summary: After V died, Evey had a tough time moving on. She joined the rebel cell and worked hard for the revolution's sake. However, one year after the Fifth, the country's situation just seems to get worse and she knows somebody's been following her closely.Suspecting they're from the opposition, she traces a plan to discover their identity and, with any luck, get some information. She didn't expect to discover the man she loved, who was supposed to be dead: V.
Relationships: Evey Hammond & V, Evey Hammond/V
Series: Veritas Vincit Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628563
Comments: 87
Kudos: 124
Collections: Never Forget These





	1. Verus amor nullum nouit habere modum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue

There are no coincidences.

In an alley, Evey and I met and, in an alley, we were saying our goodbyes. That night, likewise, I saved her from forces darker than myself and so I was doing now.

And the only thing I could think of was how everything had led to that moment: everything that I was and what I became; every single thing I dared to hope and lost; all the love I received and never expected.

I was about to die, definitely this time. No surviving miraculously again. No tricks. No more chances. And, surprisingly, I had regrets.

I regretted all the time I had wasted on my narrow thoughts and fears, time that could have spent loving her. I regretted killing all the vowed moments we wouldn’t have in the future with that sacrifice. I regretted making Evey cry again.

Evey was trying to get to me, struggling to free herself from the arms that pulled her to safety, screaming my name and weeping. My wrecked body —bleeding, dying— wasn’t as painful as seeing her so desperate, so broken because of my last breathing. The hell’s fire that was waiting for me, once my eyes closed for good, wouldn’t hurt me like that; I was certain.

But I would accept that fire willingly —the one I deserved for breaking my promise and for all the shadows I added into her world— if that was the only way to save her and that storm that was her spirit. I would die a millionth of deaths and bare thousands of tortures to preserve her life. Evey was, after all, the universe that made me, this one inch, feel alive once more.

“Forgive me, my love,” I muttered, knowing well she couldn’t hear me.

The four hands held me harder by the arms and kept me kneeled down, and another of those bloody men stabbed me again, on my side, cutting another exit for my life, fastening it. I groaned, my head falling back, and another terrible scream from Evey hit my core. But my senses were fading, her voice turning into muffled sound to my ears.

“Please… Go,” I wasn’t sure my thoughts had arrived at my mouth. I just needed for her to go, to be safe. “Just go.”

I gathered some strength to straighten my head up and look at her for the last time. Evey had still her hazel gaze on me when somebody lifted her body up and carried her in their arms. Evey tried to fight against it and I fought to keep my vision clear enough time to make sure she got away from that situation.

My heart ached when Evey disappeared in the night but it was free with relief as well. I closed my eyes, whispering a silent “thank you”.

“Finish him already,” one harsh voice uttered.

Another stab and air left my lungs. Then, darkness ate me at last.


	2. Every tear's a rain parade from hell

It always rained Scarlet Carson petals there.

A bright red and smooth rain falling over me, caressing my skin and covering my bare feet. It was so beautiful, so breathtaking… I touched the petals with my fingertips as they fell, trying to catch them sometimes, and walked through the fluffy carpet formed on the floor, even if there was no path to be seen and no particular destination in my mind.

I was lonely there. I felt attached to those petals in a strange and inexplicable way, but such sight always made me want to cry. My heart seemed to be hollow and weighted on my chest anyway. Every other thought and memory had vanished from my brain, only leaving that cold sadness behind.

Sometimes I stopped on my tracks when it was too hard to keep walking and I couldn’t bear the melancholy. Then, I burst into tears at last.

And sometimes, just sometimes, a dark silhouette appeared among the red rain, with a slow pace, confidence harboured in is movements, a hat, a cape, a mask… Fawkes’ grin.

At the sight, I always tried to run towards his direction, trying to get to him as fast as I could, shouting his name, crying even more. He opened his arms, waiting for me, without stopping walking. The painful desperation to catch him, to be in his embrace and kiss him, was absolutely consuming.

But the petals seemed denser at every step I took, making it harder to move until I couldn’t anymore. He stopped approaching at the same time and I got totally trapped just a few steps from him, every time, unable to reach him even if I stretched my arms. And it didn’t matter how much I pleaded and cried; he was a statue all of a sudden, mute and rigid.

I had to remain inside that infernal trap until I woke up.

That evening, luckily, I hadn’t been trapped too long, saved by my alarm clock, requiring my return to the real world. It wasn’t much better though, the real world.

I turned the alarm off, hitting the thing with a furious smack, pressing the button much harder than it was strictly necessary. When that dream appeared to torment me even in my sleep, I always woke up angry. Wasn’t enough torture the ghosts haunting me during the day?

Feeling my body tense and my breathing as if I had just finished a marathon, I sat on the edge of the bed. I sighed and rubbed my forehead, feeling the beginning of a headache already, produced by the sorrowful tears I had been shedding before falling asleep.

It had passed a year since the Fifth of November, the day the revolution and the path to freedom began. And the day V died.

The memory of him haunted me every day since and everything remembered me constantly that he wasn’t here. Not physically at least. The idea he was lingered among the people, giving them strength and passion to keep fighting for their freedom and rights, even after he had passed. People knew he had passed and even so they stood standing and held their masks high to the sky. He left a legacy of hope and freedom, and he was in every rebel. He was in all of us.

And he was in me, in a way that was just mine. I knew more of him than the idea he projected. I knew the man V was. His lights, shadows and greys were all within me, overflowing in my memory. If I closed my eyes harder enough, I could feel him around sometimes, so vivid as he was in the realm of my thoughts. I could feel his gloved hands holding me while we danced, his scent as he sat by my side on the sofa, his voice saying my name softly… I could still feel his warm body in my arms and the feeling of his still lips on mine.

The pain produced by his absence tore me apart every single day, not giving me time to heal nor even a bit. But I decided long ago I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to pull out the part of me he was now. If I had to live with that pain forever, so be it. Nevertheless, I had really bad days, like that one, when the sorrow was so heavy it felt like it’d crash me. Breathing was hard and, keeping my emotions in order, an unsure thing. 

Through all that year, I tried to keep in mind that he wouldn’t be happy to see me like that, mourning him even after so long, consumed by the guilt and the absence. He would want me to live the life I deserved, full of happiness and joy, and fight for the new world he ignited. I tried. Oh yes, I tried so hard. But it made me so mad sometimes. I wanted him here with me again so bad… Why would I try something else? That pursuit felt like a lie. Even so, I still tried.

After the Fifth, Eric Finch got me a secret apartment at my wish to leave the Shadow Gallery for some time. I couldn’t bear to live there without him. Not then, at least. It’d consume me to death. So, I started living there… If that can be called life. My days were eat, sleep, mourn and, if I had enough energy, watch something on the little TV I had. Eric visited me often, watching over me and keeping my company all the time he could. I didn’t understand why he cared about me at first, but I started to welcome it. It was nice to have a friend again and he seemed to feel comfortable around me too. His life had and was changing really fast too, as he went from a member of the party to a traitor, to a piece of the revolution. He conserved his position in the police while working with the rebel cell. And his closest friend, Dominic, had left the country for a while, after discovering everything that the government had been doing.

Eric brought up the idea of me joining the cell, as I was the other symbol of the revolution, in one of our meetings, a few months after the Fifth. Apparently, the cell had expressed the desire for me to join them.

At that moment I refused and he didn’t push me. But his words kept ringing on my ears much after he had said them, while I was completely alone in my apartment. 

I didn’t feel like I could manage that position, not as V did. He had been preparing for his role so many years… He knew what he was doing. I just knew what I got to learn from him in our brief time together, which hadn’t been much.

However, then, I thought that was kind of alright. Now I had enough courage and strength to help in the path to the change of our country, thanks to him. Maybe the only way to live my new life was that: living his legacy at the fullest. 

I emerged from that state of sorrow I had been in since he died and accepted to join the rebel cell. Eric put me in touch with the cell, which was organised by a group of three at that moment: Maria, Bel and Jeremy. Every one of them ran a shelter that was used as a base of operations, a clandestine hospital and a home for all the citizens joining the revolution and facing any need. Some of them were survivors and had nowhere to go; others, injured during the riots or by the opposition cell; the rest, rebels and volunteers.

Bel was in charge of the main shelter, emplaced out of London. It had been the main mansion of a private farm before the landlord abandoned it when Norsefire rose. Eric drove me there to meet with her and talk about my role and what could I do for them. 

In the blink of an eye, I was teaming up with the three of them and living at Bel’s shelter. It brought me some peace, to wake up seeing the green fields through my window, moving to the wind’s caress, and work tirelessly to build a country where people could have freedom and love in their lives. It felt like I was honouring my mother, my father, my brother, Gordon… And V… I hoped they were proud of me.

My routine turned into healing, organising, plotting, repairing things in the shelter, cooking massive quantities of food for everybody… Anything that was necessary. Other days were more complicated and, for those, I needed all of my new strength. As the remaining symbol of the revolution, I had to do some speeches at our shelters to fire the rebels’ confidence at the worse times. I had been in the front row of every riot, fighting and receiving blows, and stealing supplies and information from the untruthful provisional government. The transition was being far from easy and the opposition cell still had too many followers and hidden power.

Soon after I joined the rebels, I realised the rebel cell was still trying to find me, capture and end me. Jeremy was our technology and spying expert and did a few reconnaissance missions to find one of their members. He tapped his phone and followed him for a while, and warned me that they had been trying to find me since the Fifth. That situation wasn’t new to me and I was confident that I could manage it. However, one of the days I had been driven to London to meet Eric, a man followed me on my way to his house.

Again.

I had been having that feeling constantly, the sensation that somebody was following and watching me, even when I wasn’t on the street. I thought that I was just paranoid but, that night, I thought that maybe I had found the reason for that feeling and that it wasn’t my imagination.

Bel had dropped me near my apartment and I had been walking for a few minutes, with my hood covering my head. I noticed really fast that they were following me, clearly for the first time. I knew I had to distract them and get out of their sight; I couldn’t go to Eric’s flat with that bastard behind me.

Distracting them didn’t end up being that easy; I had to think of something else, so I walked until I found an alley between two houses, slipping into it. I saw right away a glint on the floor: a bottle. Grabbing it fast before the stalker arrived, I hid it under my coat. I waited until I felt them behind me and I turned around, crushing the bottle on his head without hesitating. 

The man collapsed, falling to the floor, unconscious and with an open wound on his bald head. I bent down at the sight of something red and black on his shirt. Pushing aside the lapel of his coat, I found a Norsefire badge.

I got out of that attack unharmed and relieved that I got rid of my stalker, but neither Eric nor my new three fellows were happy about what happened. They scolded me for not telling them about the stalker before and Eric decided that we would meet at the shelter or he would pick me up from now on, and Bel and Maria insisted that I should learn to defend myself for real. Jeremy was surprised that V didn’t teach me.

“Such a waste of knowledge,” Maria said during that conversation, shaking his head, and Jeremy gave her a soft elbow.

They had some kind of unspoken rule between them to not talk about V in front of me. At that moment, the only one I been honest with about what actually happened between V and me was Bel. She knew about my constant sadness for his loss and my feelings for him. I was sure she didn’t tell them but maybe warned them a little bit.

The thing is they made me take a lot of classes in martial arts and how to use weapons with Maria and Jeremy. Bel freed my schedule for weeks just to subject myself to that exhaustive training. I didn’t like to disregard my tasks for so long, but I couldn’t deny the reality of needing some fighting skills.

I usually ended up very exhausted and, while my training lasted, Eric was the one who always came to the shelter to see me. One of the first nights after my training started, Eric brought me something, unexpectedly. It was a long box, carefully wrapped, and very light.

I was confused about that sudden present, which also made me feel a little guilty. Eric had been really nice to me during those months and I knew he was developing romantic feelings towards me. He kissed me on New Year’s Eve and, since then, our meetings started to become dates. I cared for him too, deeply, and enjoyed his company very much. However, I couldn’t say I committed to him as a romantic partner, mainly because I felt it was unfair to date him loving another man. But he knew I did. And he didn’t seem to care. That was the worst part.

“You didn’t have to buy me anything,” I said guiltily

“I haven’t,” Eric gave me a brief smile that carried a hint of sadness.

Nervous, I unwrapped the gift, opening the box. Inside, three shiny knives rested, which I recognised immediately.

Since the Fifth, I had never cried in front of Eric before. I always saved the tears for my moments of loneliness. Nevertheless, the sight of V’s knives unleashed a feeling too strong to be contained. I couldn’t help it: I burst in tears like I hadn’t in many, many weeks. Eric hugged me while I hugged the box, caressing my hair and being patient while I let all out.

It took me a while to calm down and have my voice steady enough to talk. I dried my tears with the sleeve of my sweater, sniffling.

“Thank you,” I muttered. “But… How did you…?”

“You don’t have to thank me. They’re rightfully yours. I just recovered them from the classified boxes of our warehouse,” he explained with sorrow in his gaze, which lowered to the box between my arms. “There’s another thing.”

I rushed to look inside again, pulling the knives aside carefully, excitement and fear mixing in my head. Buried among the little balls of polystyrene, there was a little notebook.

“It’s Delia Surridge’s diary. I think you should have it.”

“What? Eric… You’ll be in trouble if they find you’ve been taking these things.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he rose his hand to caress my cheek.

He said nothing else, nor did I. At that moment I couldn’t face the diary, knowing it would trigger more pain than I already had. I asked Eric to stay with me that night and he gladly accepted. We got into my bed and he held me in his arms while I fell asleep, not letting go for a moment.

The next morning, once I was alone, I decided first what to do about the knives. One part of me wanted to preserve them, untouched, inside the box; the other, screamed that I should use them for my protection. They were an extension of him. Maybe V was looking after me —wherever he was now— and was trying to prove it to me, sending his favourite weapons. In the end, he was using them the night we met when he saved me. After that year, I had started to believe that there are no coincidences indeed, something he used to state. V couldn’t protect me now but could help me to protect myself. 

There were three of them, so I decided to take too and save one. 

What to do about the diary took me more time. Eric had told me about Delia before and mentioned the diary and that he had read it. I always thought it was classified somewhere or lost. And now I had it on my hands, the horrors V had to live with until his last breath within. I wanted to read it as much as I didn’t, but I needed to know what happened to him exactly. He would never have told me, always keeping a lot of things to himself. However, he wasn’t there anymore and that was the last thing I would learn about him which I didn’t know already. After knowing the real reason for his vendetta, I got to understand V at last; that was not the purpose of my reading. I just refused the ide of his suffering being forgotten. 

I decided to ask Bel for a free day and read the diary in one sitting; I wasn’t sure I could take reading it otherwise. When I opened it, I thought I was ready for whatever there was written on those pages. Surely, I wasn’t. There were moments when the tears and my sobs didn’t let me read properly and I had to stop. There were others I felt I was about to throw up or choke on my weeps. It took all of me to read it until the end and then I buried it on the nightstand’s drawer with genuine fury. Then, I cried and cried and cried… Until I dried out and fell asleep.

I was totally torn. What I had read there wasn’t human. It was indeed monstrous. V had gone through months of heinous tortures and that damned hormone treatment that made him more than a plain man. They treated him like a rat in a lab and kept him alive in that suffering just because he had been the most successful experiment. The suffering V had been through was unbearable and he still managed to live with it for twenty years.

Delia’s words burned in my mind, making me feel a kind of rage and hate very different from the one I felt towards V after getting out of the cell. The fury towards those that had hurt a loved one is worse than the pain inflicted to oneself.

When he was alive, I knew nothing about that. I didn’t know he didn’t remember who he was. I didn’t know he had been physically altered. I didn’t know how he started that new life or how much his breakout of Larkhill had changed his appearance. And for that, I felt so sorry… I wanted so desperately for V to be there, and hug and tell him I cared, and that I would love him more than he had suffered. But there was no way I could. The only one that could listen to my sorrow and pleas for him to come back was the silence of my room.

And I guessed there was something I would never know. Some pages of the diary had been torn off, probably containing secrets even worse, which had never seen the light.

After that, I passed a few days feeling numb and being pretty useless, and when that blurred, I recovered my determination to fight, this time reinforced. I put all my heart in the revolution and in my tasks related to it. Even if I was really mad about what happened at Larkhill, I didn’t want revenge for him; V got it for himself. The best way to make his suffering count I could think of was keeping my mind focused on the present and fight for the ones that were struggling now. 

And like that, the months passed until another Fifth arrived, the anniversary of the beginning of the revolution. It had been a pretty tough date, my personal mourning aside. As if it was a new tradition, people went out to the streets wearing Guy Fawkes’ masks and gathering where the Parliament had been one year before. We had been there, taking care that everything was secure enough and suspecting the opposition cell would try something. It was a shame we were so alert because the event turned kind of cultural, musicians, poets and other artists popping out to share their art on that day. I made my first speech in the street when I was spotted. I wasn’t very sure of my emotions that day to talk in public and I feared it wasn’t very secure for me. Anyway, I gave in and nothing bad happened.

It wasn’t until the night, when the event was called off, that the opposition appeared and started attacking everybody they could, hitting them with hard objects or cutting them with weapons. The horror triggered among the presents when a few shots were heard. I remember the rush of adrenaline making me run towards the sound, desperate to get to the attackers. Bel and Jeremy, who were by my side then, followed me, as ready to fight as I was.

It was the first time I had to fight in public after I had learned. And I had to use my knives more that I had preferred. While protecting the wounded and fighting those bastards, I felt V within me more than ever. It was like his power was holding my hands around the knives and ignited the anger I sensed on my stomach.

Everything turned worse when the antiriot squad appeared. The opposition cell disappeared suddenly and they didn’t chase after them. Instead, they shot the innocent. We, before such situation, tried to contain the antiriot squad with urban furniture and tried to move the wounded to Jeremy’s shelter, the nearest one.

I got pretty bad bruises after the containment but even so, I spent the following hours taking care of the injured. When my right leg failed me, where I had been hit with a foam ball, and no bandage could hide the cut I had on my left arm, I had to rest, scolded by Maria.

For our people, it had been a setback that the police had corrupted chiefs still. Some had been detained, rebels and attackers, but the only ones that had been freed were part of the opposition cell. The rebels continued to be detained and without bail. We, the heads of the shelters, had to get into a night mission to rescue them.

The next weeks the situation got even worse. Everybody was infuriated and demonstrations were called every day, and there was the antiriot squad to hit and chase even if it wasn’t necessary every time.

The country was worse than we thought. 

It made me so frustrated and desperate. I couldn’t stop asking myself how the situation had twisted that fast. I thought that we were doing the things right, leading the revolution to a safe harbour… But we forgot that the danger could be out of the streets too. Norsefire had fallen without their leaders, but they had their influences everywhere and their puppets remained hidden among the shadows. The chief of antiriot squad denied that the order to intervene on the Fifth was his, that it had been a mistake and the leader of the squad had been fired. Who knows if that was true or he was covering up something.

I hadn’t had the guts to return to the Shadow Gallery for the whole year, but after the November I had I needed to. I had to meet Eric in his apartment that night and I convinced Bel to drop me at London a bit sooner.

My legs were trembling when I made my way through the subterranean tunnels, feeling the dense cold the walls contained. I knew two possible ways of getting in, and I chose the one that avoided the train station. I couldn’t face that place. It still felt to soon to revisit the place where he died.

When I entered the Gallery and turned on the light, I felt like I was going to break in two. The memories hit me like a mace on the head and I started to feel my throat tightening.

There was a thin layer of dust everywhere, but everything was just as he had left it. I walked around for a while, laying my eyes on the beauty of the place and remembering. I played the Wurlitzer, choosing Cry Me A River. It seemed appropriate after so much time, although I knew it masochistic too.

I sat on the sofa, not minding the dust and leaving my purse aside, listening to the track. I had come there hoping to find some clarity, something that helped me find a way to deal with what was happening. I was feeling like when Eric suggested I should join the rebel cell: clueless and lost… So lost. And V always seemed to know what to do. Maybe his knowledge still lingered there and I could breathe some of it.

“God… I miss you so much,” I whispered, resting my head on the headrest of the sofa. “Why did you had to leave me?”

The tears started to fall down my face and the sobs appeared soon after.

“I don’t know what to do, V,” I wept, my voice shaking. “I thought I did but I don’t. I tried so hard to live this new life and fight to make this world better… I know it’s what you wanted for me and for everybody but… I’m so tired now… Everything seems going downhill and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, how to stop it or amend it.”

My words felt like blades cutting my throat as they came out and the hole in my heart started to hurt once more. I sobbed brokenly again. 

“We had hardly any time, did we?” I uttered, sorrowful. “And half of it I spent it being stupid. But the other half is your fault still; you won’t get out of that, not even gone,” a little sad smile appeared on my lips, but was gone as fast. “You could’ve taught me better if you wanted to leave so badly. It’s very cruel, V. So cruel to leave me here without you and without any guide. You’re always so cruel and then so good to me… It’s not fair. I… I need to hear your voice, talk to you, feel you… I just need you.”

I covered my eyes with my hands, bursting in tears and feeling all the emotions kicking in at once.

“I love you,” I cried. It was the first time I said that out loud and it hurt more to think that he didn’t know. “So bad it hurts.”

I would have given everything to rephrase the last words I said to him. I knew that even if I tried, I wouldn’t have stopped him from going down that tunnel and kept him by my side, alive… But I would have had the opportunity to express my love for him and I just said I didn’t want him to die. He died grateful for even that brief bit of affection and I was so angry at myself, because I knew, and believed firmly, he deserved much more. 

And now I had to live with it, with the regret and the hole in my heart that his loss had perforated.

I curled on the sofa until I had vented a bit. When I started to feel sleepy, I moved to my former room while trying not to look at nothing but the floor. I set the alarm of the nightstand’s clock and threw myself on the bed. I hoped that a bit of rest would reduce the puffiness of my eyes before meeting with Eric.

But that damned dream had appeared again.

It had nothing to do with being at the Shadow Gallery again. I had been dealing with it since V died, but I didn’t grow used to it. Far from that, in fact. 

I shook my head and stood up. It was time to leave. However, that thought made me feel terribly bad. I couldn’t live there without V; that feeling hadn’t changed. But, at the same time, I didn’t want to leave. I wasn’t good in, but I wasn’t out either. Even the memory of V was complicated.

I took a shower and found some of my old clothes to change my now wrinkled ones, because of sleeping dressed. While searching on my old drawer, I realised I had never been on V’s private side of the house. The curiosity started to bounce on my mind and I found myself on a dilemma. He had left me all he had but, even then, entering his room felt like disturbing his privacy.

And then I had to remind myself that there was no privacy to disturb if he wasn’t there.

With the heart in my mouth, I walked to his door and opened it. The bedroom was pretty simple. There was just a big bed with bright purple sheets, a wardrobe and a whole wall covered in shelves full of books, plus a door that leaded to a bathroom. 

I explored the bathroom first, that had a big tub half-jacuzzi, a shower, and not much more. I opened the drawers under the sink, finding medicinal hydrating lotions, towels and that kind of things. Looking at those things, nobody could think that there had lived somebody like V. It was very normal.

After that, I examined his wardrobe. All grey and black shirts and trousers, boots and masks and gloves on the drawers. I caressed the shirts, slowly, and grabbed one. Feeling a little strange, I hugged it, sensing the texture on my hands. His scent was gone but the softness still brought the sensation of closeness.

I took it with me, knowing I would need it the next day. I put it on my purse and, turning around to look at the place once more, I headed out, turning the lights off. My heart broke a little bit more if that was possible.

When I emerged to the upper world, the cold of the night made me shiver and I started to walk hastily, putting my hood on. There it was again: the feeling of somebody following me.

I thought that I had knocked down my stalker and put an end to that constant chasing that night on the alley, but I was mistaken. It had been going on and getting worse, even. Whoever who had been following me, even now I was being so extremely cautious, had to be really clever or really dangerous. I feared they were both. We had decided with Eric and my fellow mates that we had to end it now, for my security and for everybody's. And everything was ready.

Just as we had planned, I arrived at Eric’s home safely and knocked on his door with the code we had. Soon after, he opened and smiled, welcoming me.

“Hi, darling,” Eric said. “Everything alright?”

“Hi. And yes,” I approached, giving him a brief kiss, and getting inside his modest apartment.

The dinner was already served on his little table, decorated with two tea candles and a white rose on a crystal vase. It was beautiful and made me feel guilty, as usual.

“This is too much,” I declared, turning around to look at him.

His smile grew bigger and caressed my cheek tenderly. “It’s our last dinner. It has to be special, don’t you think?”

I sighed and closed my eyes when he leaned in for a deeper kiss. V’s shirt seemed to burn inside my purse. I shouldn’t have brought it to our date, even if he would never know it was there.

We had been in that strange relationship for a few months after he had given me the knives. We weren’t a romantic couple still but enjoyed our mutual company. It was unclear and we didn’t talk about it much, maybe because we didn’t want to ruin the peace between us. I knew Eric was content like that, but every day that passed it made me feel more selfish to monopolise him while loving another man. He deserved to be with someone who returned his feelings, but he wanted me —broken and with half heart—, for some reason.

“Should we start?” He said when the kiss broke.

I nodded and we sat. He poured some wine on our glasses and we toasted. Then, we began to eat the delicious risotto Eric made. I had gotten used to the food we had on the shelter, and when I dinned on Eric’s house, his homemade plates tasted like heaven.

“Is everything ready for tomorrow?” I asked when I couldn’t wait anymore, anxious as I was.

“Yes,” he smirked, clearly expecting I would bring up the issue. “You don’t have to worry more. Just act as we’ve agreed: go to the riot, be careful, and do your thing. We’ll meet later.”

“Fine. But I’m not sure about they knowing your connection with me,” I said, almost whispering, as they could hear us. “It just doesn’t feel safe for you.”

“I’ll be alright. I promise.”

“You’d better…”

After that, he laughed and assured me again he would be. Then, we pushed politics aside, changing the subject, and talked a bit about ourselves. Everything seemed as usual until Eric took a long sip of wine and his expression turned serious.

“Evey, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for some time,” he started, making my heart skip a beat immediately.

“Go on,” I muttered, suddenly nervous.

He took a deep breath and it gave me goosebumps. “I love you. And before you freak out… I already know you don’t feel the same. I know your heart is with him. It’s fine. I’m not doing this because I want you to return my feelings. It’s just that I needed to be fair to myself and to you, and, in the hypothetical case something happens, I need you to know the truth.”

Speechless, I stared at him, not knowing what to do and what to feel.

“Eric, I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s alright. You don’t have to,” he smiled, reaching me through the table to grab my hand. “I’m perfectly fine with the relationship we have. If you’re good, so am I. I’m happy to have you here and I don’t need more.”

But he would one day. That was something I been thinking since I realised that he loved me. I was starting to feel like a really bad person for being so selfish with Eric. It wasn’t fair for him. However, I was grateful for having him in my life.

“I am…” I muttered, broken-hearted.

He smiled and squeezed my hand before letting go. We ate what was left in silence, but not in an uncomfortable way. And, when the dinner was over, we headed to the bedroom and made love. Just like every night together, we relied on the other’s touch, forgetting for a while our world was a mess.

Eric held me tight in the afterglow until we fell asleep. Nevertheless, V returned to invade my dreams.

“Don’t step back until it’s necessary!” I shouted to the ones that formed the first line in front of the antiriot squad. “There are minors and elders behind us and they need to get to safety when they load! Contain and scape if they’re brutal! Remember: your lives are more important than this particular riot! We will not stop and we will do it again, but we need to be alive to keep fighting!”

Some nodded or shouted in agreement. I looked above the two wheelie bins I had before me, analysing how the squad was moving. They had closed the street with their vans and the antiriot police were forming a line but they were still for the moment. We had formed a wall of wheelie bins to be ready to contain them.

My heart was pounding and I felt V’s soft shirt on my skin, caressing me. I had put it on, needing to feel him as close as I could on that day. The knives, as always, were hanging from my waist. I was covered from head to toes, a sweatshirt covering my head and a kerchief half of my face, tied on my nape, holding the hood on its place. I had covered my eyes with big googles, like everybody there. Some rebels had lost an eye because of the shots in the past riots; moreover, we didn’t know when they would use gases and it helped.

Bel grabbed the waist of my sweatshirt, demanding my attention. I dropped my gaze to her, who was as covered as I was, and if I didn’t know that big blue eyes very well, she would have been unrecognisable. 

“Good luck, girl,” she said, grabbing my hand. “Don’t let them catch you for real.”

“Never. We have so much to do still.”

“Do you want me to make sure everything is alright?” She asked, a bit anxious.

“No. Look after the people and take the wounded to the shelter. This is going to be a blood bath.”

“Okay.”

I looked up again at the sound of steps: the antiriot squad was approaching. I warned Bel and she made a sign to the ones by our side, letting them know the moment of the contention was near. I held my breath, not looking away, and waited for the right moment.

“Now!” I shouted and bent down, and everybody backed against the wheelie bins, holding them on place when they tried to push them.

When they managed to separate the wheelie bins and we couldn’t resist any more, we ignited them to gain time and started to run. Some of the antiriot squad made their way through the barrier and shot the people who escaped, while others ran after us with their batons ready to hit.

A young girl received a shot on her leg just by my side and I went to help her, lifting her up from the ground and helping her scape. I saw Bel near and called her. She realized soon it was me and approached through the chaos of people running and being hit. Bel held the girl for me.

“I’ll try to fight some of them. Take her to a safe place,” I asked, talking faster than I ever had.

Bel nodded and took her away. I turned around, facing the squad and started to run towards them. I knocked out two or three in my way back to the front row, where they were attacking the demonstrators. 

I was near when somebody grabbed me by the arm, holding me back gently but firmly. I spun around, the knife ready on my hand, thinking they would be one of them. However, I faced a tall man, covered from head to toe in black clothing, with a ski mask and a pair of pitch-black glasses.

“Don’t go there! It’s supremely dangerous!” He spoke with a deep voice, warning me.

“I know what I’m doing. Just run and find a safe place to hide,” I answered, freeing myself.

However, he grabbed me again. I didn’t have time to protest because he pushed me behind him and released me. I saw, confused, how he easily stopped the hit from a member of the antiriot squad coming for us and knocked him over. As easy as breathing.

I remembered myself I had no time for that, even if I was startled by the stranger. I took a step towards the front row, but before I could blink, my body had been lifted like a bride and I was being carried by that man.

“Let me go!” I screamed, trying to set myself free, but he held me tight. “Did you hear me?!”

He got into an alley, which had a little stair that led to a subterranean door. Once we were sheltered there, he put me on the floor. I tried to leave as soon as my feet touched the floor, but he stopped me once again and I felt my patience cracking.

“I have to go,” I said, this time with a voice full of fierce warning.

“You’d only get hurt senseless,” he answered. His voice, now I could hear it better, gave me chills, husky and deep as it was.

However, I didn’t back up. “It’s my decision to be there, to help.”

This time, he stood still and didn’t stop me when I went upstairs, running, returning to the riot. He didn’t stop me this time, but I saw him following my steps and going out the alley behind me. I turned around for a moment, looking at him, and the sensation that hit me at the sight of him unsettled me. That figure…

I heard a shot and returned to reality abruptly. With my attention on what was happening again, I ran to those who were attacking people already on the floor and fought them, giving the ones who had stayed to help enough time to carry the injured out of there.

Suddenly, I felt a hard hit on my legs and fell to the ground. I tried to get up but my attacker hit me again and again and again, and then put a foot on me, pressing me against the hard floor. He grabbed my hood and hanker, revealing my identity, and I didn’t fight it.

“Evey Hammond…” He laughed. “What a lucky day…”

I saw sideways how he raised his baton again and all my senses woke up suddenly. I glimpsed it near my head and, then, everything turned black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! 
> 
> I'm very excited to post this! I know the fandom is pretty dead now. However, I had so much feels watching the movie again a few weeks ago, and I had the idea for a VfV fic for some years so... I've written it, at last! This is the right moment in my life to do it, I suppose. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! <3 (And forgive me if there's something unclear in my writing; I'm not native, oops)
> 
> I'll post every two weeks, I hope.
> 
> See you soon, xx


	3. Catch me as I fall, say you're here and it's all over now

“Evey?” A voice called me in the dark and three clicks were heard. “You can show yourself now.”

I pushed the top of the trunk I was in with my hands and it opened, the faint light of moon entering, letting me see the wooden ceiling above and the brunette young girl next to me. She was looking down at me with her big blue eyes, a smirk showing in the softness of her features.

“Don't ask me to hide inside a trunk ever again,” I sat straight on the trunk, feeling how every part of my body protested as I moved.

Bel laughed and gave me a hand. I took it, getting up and groaning at the same time.

“You’re officially a dead girl. It’s the proper thing.”

I rolled my eyes at her black humour and put one foot after the other out of the trunk.

I didn’t like that plan much, but they had insisted that it was the only way to get rid of the stalker. When Jeremy came up with the idea of faking my death and Eric and the girls gave it a serious thought and liked it, I wasn't willing to do such a thing. I was worried about our people. They had lost their first symbol and the consequences of thinking they had lost me too could be terrible. I wasn’t attached to the fact of being considered so vital, but it was a fact that people could get really mad if they thought the antiriot squad had killed me and badly harmed in consequence. I didn’t want that. The situation was bad enough to provoke something like that and I didn’t feel like risking people’s lives and our work of months.

We tried to catch my stalker with other methods for a few weeks, but nothing worked. That made us start to think the stalker was among us, very close to the revolution’s organization. So, with that bonus, I had to promise them I would think about the plan of faking my death.

I thought long and hard about another solution, but I didn’t find one good enough to free me from the problem without being that drastic. Nevertheless, I insisted on keeping it a secret from the main part of the rebels. If our mole was close to us, it would be enough to let a few people know about the news. Moreover, we were pretty confident that the mole was inside the shelters. While trying to catch them, we tested if they appeared only when the organization knew when I was going out in London or if it didn’t matter if they knew and showed up every time. And they always appeared when we tried the first one. However, it was like trying to grab a shadow. We couldn’t.

So, our plan would work like that. If not, that would mean we were wrong since the beginning. With the promise they would include my wishes in the plan, I let them take care of everything.

There was a demonstration set up on the Seventh of December, against the police brutality. We knew how it would end up: just as every demonstration that had been made in those months. We suspected that would be one of the worse, however.

We decided to do it that day.

When we attended a riot, we had a concrete way of proceeding, which consisted of staying in the chaos all the time we could and help anyone who had been incapacitated while fleeing. Everyone from the organization was there in those moments, which meant the mole would be too. Very few people stayed after they had loaded, so the ones who could think I was dead would be minimum. We decided to wait until the street was as empty as possible to do it.

The plan was simple, actually. Well… At least, in theory.

Jeremy and Bel got infiltrated in the antiriot squad —with his abilities and Eric's help, it hadn’t been hard—. Bel had been the driver of one of the vans and Jeremy one riot police. When the street had emptied, he faked hitting me and I faked I was unconscious. Jeremy carried me to one of the vans as a detainee, where I hid inside a trunk of police material. Once Jeremy had returned to the riot, Bel carried the trunk to a plain car parked on the street, right by the police vans, and returned to her place. There I had waited, inside a trunk in the car’s boot, until the riot had cleared and the police had retired. Maria showed up then to take the car and drive to Bel’s shelter. If we had done it right, the mole would have seen everything and would be thinking the police had killed me or captured me. Later that night, Eric would come to the shelter to announce my death and we would set up the last part of the plan in motion.

“I was so worried for you guys. It’s the last time I let you infiltrate in the opposition band,” I declared.

“You’d do the same thing, so you had to do let us,” she smiled broadly, showing me two lines of shiny white teeth. “And with who am I going to watch movies if something happens to you? Have you thought about that, huh?”

I smiled, giving her a soft look.

“Besides,” she continued. “We are one. The revolution needs us all. If you are in danger, we are too,” she shook her head a little, crossing her arms. “Literally… They’ve been knowing all our plans for months. It doesn't surprise me we’ve been in so much trouble lately.”

“Maybe, yes,” I sighed. “But it bothers me still that nothing bad has happened here. If they are infiltrated and want me, it’s as easy as taking this place or wait until I'm at Eric's. Everyone here knows what I do every day and even more if they're close to the organization. We tested it, even.”

“I don't know, girl. I'm not a fucking fascist. I can't think like them. Maybe they are building Larkhill part two just for us and they're waiting to take the shelters at the right moment,” she shrugged her shoulders. “However, there’s something about that I need to tell you.”

My heart started to pound fast on my chest. That couldn’t be good news. Bel closed the trunk and sat on it, patting the surface by her side for me to do the same. I did, slowly, and put all my attention on her.

“Maybe there’s a reason why nothing has happened here,” she said in a voice tone that gave me chills.

She hesitated a bit, looking away as if she was collecting her thoughts. When Bel stared back at me again, there was confusion in her eyes.

“There’s a possibility we were… Very wrong.”

“Very wrong? About the mole?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “We assumed they are a mole and want to harm you and destroy the revolution but… What if they’re just a plain stalker? Maybe they’re in love with you or something.”

I uttered a genuine laugh, thinking she was messing me around, but Bel’s expression didn’t change. In fact, it turned sharper.

“What are you saying, Bel? That can’t be…” I said a little jokingly but stopped when I realized she was dead serious.

“There’s a lot of people who idealize their idols, and you’re the symbol of this revolution. Just think of it. Nothing has happened, as you say, right? That’s because maybe there’s no mole. We’d be all dead by now if that was the case. Maybe the stalker is just one of us who’s a bit mental and has some kind of twisted crush on you. Which is bad anyway. Not as bad as having a mole, but definitely bad. This kind of people is unpredictable sometimes. We still have to catch them.”

“You were the first one who was absolutely convinced that we had a mole. Why this change of mind so suddenly?” I furrowed, cocking my head.

Bel fidgeted in her space of the trunk and I saw the insecurity in her, overflowing, exposing whatever she was reluctant to tell me.

“Something happened after you left the riot.”

“What happened?” I blurted out, turning my body towards her completely.

She pressed her lips in a thin line, nervous. “When Jeremy returned to the riot after leaving you in the van, to avoid raise suspicions, he was brutally attacked by a man, one of our rebels.”

“What?!” My body froze, horrified as I was. “Is he alright?! Tell me he is…”

“He’s a little bit wounded, but he’ll be fine.”

That was why I didn’t like the plan in the first place: I didn’t want anybody to get hurt because of me. Having my friends infiltrated in the opposition couldn’t be as easy as they made it seem.

“I need to see him, right now,” I demanded firmly, making a move to get up, but she stopped me, obliging me to sit. “You have to take me wherever he is.”

“You can’t go out now. You can’t be seen yet,” Bel reminded me. “He’s alright, I promise. You’ll see him when we’ve caught the stalker.”

I sighed, feeling my muscles tense suddenly. “Do you know who the man was?” I muttered.

“Nope. He was fully covered in black clothes and tinted goggles. We couldn’t identify him.”

The air seemed to leave my lungs completely at her words. Bel saw my reaction and tension reached her too.

“I saw him in the riot,” I barely said. “He stopped me, grabbing my arm and tried to dissuade me from going to the front row. He even beat up one antiriot police who was coming for us and lifted and carried me on his arms to take me to an alley.”

“What the fuck,” Bel muttered, startled. “He totally went for Jeremy after your fake death. If it wasn’t for Maria, who heard him and went to help him, I don’t know if there would be anything left of Jeremy now. He says he was like a beast, so strong he couldn’t be stopped, and that it felt like he was trying to avenge you.”

I was speechless. Speechless, worried and absolutely confused.

“Avenge me…” I repeated, trying to process it, failing miserably. I couldn’t understand why anybody could want to get revenge for me like that. “I don’t know what to think about this.”

“Don’t give it much thought. Maybe it has nothing to do with the stalker,” she advised me. “Let’s just go on with the plan and hope it works. If this man is the same who has been following you, he will appear at the right moment,” Bel sighed, seeming really tired suddenly, and stood up. “I have to go down now. It’s time to make a scene. I’ll send Eric up with your dinner when we’ve finished. I know this attic isn’t very comfortable and it’s cold, but there are some books and a lot of blankets. But it will be just for a couple of days.”

“I’ve lived in worse conditions,” I said and Bel nodded knowingly, turning a bit pale at the memory. She was the only one who knew about V’s fake prison, besides Eric.

“I’ll try to bring a mattress,” she declared, suddenly looking guilty.

I laughed at her sudden worry and reached her for a reassuring hug. Bel left then and I made myself a nest of blankets near a wall, under the only window, and grabbed the first book of one of the piles. Already buried in the blankets, I looked at the title: _Twelfth Night_.

“There are no coincidences,” I said to myself.

A brief smile appeared on my lips and I reached the shirt’s collar, feeling the texture on my fingertips, and I closed my eyes for a moment. “_Conceal me what I am, and be my aid. For such a disguise as haply shall become the form of my intent,_” I could hear V still, clearly in my head, reciting Viola’s verses so close to me as we danced.

I opened the book, starting to read, feeling my heart heavy all of a sudden and my eyes a bit watery.

I spent the two following days alone practically all the time. It felt like a time of introspection, just by myself in a dusty attic full of junk and old books. Bel would check on me every night and bring me food for the next day. Eric had visited me after they had told the news to the organization. It had been a mess, they said. People had cried and raged, but they hadn’t seen anything out of place in those reactions. The suspicion that that man was among our circle was starting to waver.

Nevertheless, we went on with the plan. It would be stupid to stop for a simple suspicion. We would see what to do if our plan failed, but it wasn’t the time to worry about that.

As we planned, they had prepared a symbolic funeral, since my body was supposed to have been buried somewhere by the opposition and lost forever. It was kind of ironic that my fake funeral was symbolic; at least, it seemed ironic to me.

Meanwhile, the only thing I could do was hide until the funeral, which gave me too much time to think about the stranger in the riot.

Something about him bugged me constantly and not knowing why or what it was made it worse. He seemed so gentle, so well-meaning… He didn’t turn on any alarm on my head, even when he carried me away. But I saw with my own eyes how easy he could destroy you; Jeremy could say something about too. If that was the person who had been following me, I had assumed right about him being dangerous. It would be a problem if Bel was right and he felt something for me. I had no idea how to deal with that. His actions would make sense, kind of, if that was the case.

I was at the point where I didn’t know if I preferred a fascist mole or an obsessed in love.

The night before the funeral, Eric came to visit me with a hot plate of pasta and wine. We sat on the mattress that Bel had sneaked in the first night and I ate the plate, feeling refreshed for eating something hot again. Eric watched me eat, drinking from his own glass of wine, with a brief smile on his lips.

“Evey,” he said when I ate the last spaghetti that was left on the plate.

“Yes?” I left the plate aside, focusing all of my attention on him.

“Christmas is just two weeks away. Would you like to do something with me to celebrate it?” He asked, looking down at the wine bottle on the floor as if he was trying to play it down.

“Sure,” I furrowed a bit, worried that he thought I wouldn’t. I had presumed we would spend most of the holiday together already, but he had been unsure. “If the plan works and we catch the mole, I see no impediment.”

He smiled, relieved, and poured some more wine on my glass and gave it to me. “What about a little trip, then?”

I took a sip and arched my brows in surprise. “A trip?”

He nodded, smiling more. “I’ve been thinking we could go to Ireland, to my family’s village. Just a couple of days, so it doesn’t interfere with your work here. I hadn’t been there since I was a little kid and I’d feel really honoured to have your company on my return there.”

My heart melted at his words and I rose a hand to cup his cheek. “You’re always so sweet, Eric. I’ll be so happy to go with you.”

He approached to kiss me and when the kiss broke, he didn’t back away much, muttering close to my lips. “Not as happy as I am to have you.”

Eric took away the glasses and kissed me again, gently and so slowly… We fell on the mattress and took off our clothes. And, while we were making love, I had a strange feeling that would be the last time.

It was so strange to look down at my own funeral. All the words said and all he mourning were for me, for the sudden death that had found me. However, I was whole and alive, hidden in a tree fifteen feet away from the recent grave. I didn’t know if I would forgive myself for hurting so many people in the course of that plan; I knew they would, once they knew we were trying to avoid the danger threatening us. Causing so much pain because of a lie, no matter how justified it was, was something I disliked very much.

When the funeral was over and our fellows disappeared, I supposed Bel, Eric and Maria would be hiding already inside the many mausoleums in that cemetery. The girls had left their number ones in charge of the shelters and Eric had taken a personal day, just for the sake of the plan.

We just had to wait until somebody appeared to mourn me or check the grave.

The hours passed slowly and nobody showed up. The cold weather and the waiting demoralized the girls, who even risked the plan and passed by my tree to ask me if we should leave and think of something else.

“They’ve been hiding in the shadows for months. What makes you think they won’t do the same now?” I said.

“What do you want to do then?” Bel asked.

“Stand guard all night, if it’s necessary. I didn’t make this mess to give up now. We’ve risked too much to have this one shot to get them.”

The red-headed girl by her side rose her blue gaze to me. The freckles that decorated her features wrinkled when she furrowed, making her childish-like face uncomfortably sharp.

Maria crossed her arms. “We were wrong all along. This has always been a stupid plan.”

“Even so, what do we lose to stay here for a few more hours?” I said to Maria, who grunted.

“My toes!” She claimed miserably.

I rolled my eyes. “Go home if you want to. You can do the same, Bel. I’ll be fine.”

Bel seemed horrified and opened her mouth, outraged. “Are you mental? We won’t leave you here. She’s just being dramatic. We will stay.”

“Then return to your spots. And if you have something to tell me, use the glow sticks. Don’t take the risk to come here.”

Once this was said, they hid again.

The night fell soon after and the cemetery seemed to be under the yoke of an abnormal silence, even for a place like that. And if the vision wasn’t lugubrious enough, it started to rain torrentially.

At midnight, when the rain had weakened, I caught a glimpse of a shadow moving through the rain, walking to where my grave was. My pulse quickened and I advanced a bit further on the branch, to move the foliage more and see better.

The plan had worked.

When the dark shadow, blurred to my eyes because of the rain, stopped before my fake grave, I got the yellow glow stick out of my bag. I cracked it, stood up and rose my hand with the glow stick out of the foliage, telling them somebody was there but they didn’t have to move closer yet.

Once I did this, I squatted once more and focused on the shadow again. I saw how they bent down as if leaving a flower. The rain had turned into a drizzle, allowing me to see the stranger better. I was analysing the clothes and what seemed a cape in the distance, when the sudden cry they uttered startled me, breaking my concentration.

It was a man.

The stranger broke down and fell on the floor, kneeling before the grave, covering his face with his hands. His uncontrollable weeping left me breathless, vibrating on my ears and sending shivers down my spine. It was a pain so raw, so sharp and real that reminded me of my own mourning for V: the pain that tore you apart and left you broke into little pieces that cut deep into your soul.

I saw the stranger grab the mud as he bent down more, getting his hands buried in the fresh earth of the grave. He didn’t stop crying and I was shaking before the scene.

Not being able to stand it anymore, I climbed down the tree quietly and slid my fingers to the knives on my waist, grabbing the hilts. I approached from behind, slowly, making sure I wasn’t producing any sound.

I was barely two feet away from him when his cries stopped suddenly and I knew he had heard or sensed me at last. He stood up quickly but didn’t move or tried to escape. I couldn’t recognize him or see anything that gave me a hint of who I had before me, fully covered with that dark cape and its hood as he was.

“Who are you?” I asked, trying to make my voice sound steady and firm.

The stranger said nothing, but it seemed like his whole body had tensed up at my words.

“Who are you?” I repeated, now more harshly.

Nothing again.

“Are you the man who tried to carry me to safety in the riot, a couple of days ago?” I changed the tactic.

Absolute silence.

Tired, I reached him. “Answer me!” I inquired, about to grab his arm, with one of my knives ready on my other hand.

As if he could see me, he avoided my grip and started to run away. “Hey! Wait!” I shouted, chasing after him without hesitation.

I ran through the graves, feeling my feet dipping in the mud at every step and the rain lashing my face. I let my bag fall off my shoulders, leaving it behind somewhere. He was fast… So fast. Too fast for me. His cape rippled as he ran and he held the hood on its place, avoiding it from falling.

I would never catch him. He was faster and my feet were cold and hurt. However, he stumbled a bit thanks to another recently covered grave and that gave enough time to leap on him and send ourselves to the floor. I didn’t let that hit distract me. I sat over him and grabbed one of his hands, placing it on his back, and rested my knife’s blade on his nape. He was motionless again and seemed to have no intention to fight me.

“I’ll ask again. Who are you?” I said breathless and with a hoarse voice.

I saw how he rested his face on the ground as if defeated. He didn’t speak immediately and I pressed the blade harder against his covered neck.

“Nobody,” he barely said.

“That’s not a proper response.”

“_You asked my noble name, and I will tell it: my name is Nobody_,” his voice was husky and barely audible, but enough.

I was out of words, not capable of believing he was citing the Odyssey when having a blade on his neck.

“I’m not in a mood for games, so answer my bloody questions,” I insisted. “Are you or are you not the man of the riot?”

“I am,” he whispered.

“Have you been following me all these past months?”

He didn’t answer right away. “Yes.”

“Why? Are you from the opposition cell?”

“No. I’m on the side of freedom.”

“Then you are from the organization.”

“No.”

“Liar,” I blurted out. “There’s no way you knew about this if you’re not from the organization and any of them would reveal anything to anybody out of it.”

He remained silent.

“What do you want from me? What are your intentions with all of this?”

He took his time to answer this, absolutely quiet under me.

“I just wanted to be sure you were safe.”

“Curious thing coming from somebody who has been stalking me. There has to be more.”

“There isn’t.”

I reached for my other knife, sticking it on the ground near his head with fury and pressed the blade of the other harder against him.

“You must tell me everything right now or I’ll cut your throat. That’s a promise,” I grunted furiously.

“Take my life away, if you please,” he said without a doubt. “End me with your own hands. You’re in your absolute right. It’s been more yours than mine since long ago, Evey.”

It was then, when he said my name, that I recognised that voice: its deepness, its husky softness, how his tone curled on my name…

But that was not possible.

My strength faded away and my grip on his wrist got loose. I got off him, almost falling to a side, pulling the knife out of the ground. I stood up with both weapons ready on my hands, backing against the statue of a near grave, sensing an amount of fear I thought I would never feel again. I remembered that moment in the riot when we exited the alley and I saw him standing straight… His figure seemed so familiar. And he had tried to protect me and went for Jeremy after he had faked killing me. Jeremy said he was like a beast, so strong he couldn’t be stopped, and that it felt like he was trying to avenge me. Who could be like that? Who could be so sneaky to follow me for a whole year without being noticed?

But it couldn’t be.

My heart was pounding loudly as I saw him stand up on his feet, still giving his back to me, and I felt like I was about to faint. He took off his hood, revealing his identity to my eyes, and then turned around slowly. The two black eyes of Guy Fawkes looked at me through the rain.

He was so similar to V that I couldn’t tell the difference at sight. He dressed like him, with clothes that seemed taken out of his own closet from the Shadow Gallery. His body had the same shape and height. Even covered in mud and with his wig ruined by the rain, he radiated that same elegance V had.

My head was racing and he should have seen my fear, so he flinched a bit and stood very still in his place.

“You’re an impostor!” I shouted, raising my voice.

“Evey, I…”

His voice was torture. It was exactly like V’s. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t. “Who the hell are you?” I grunted.

“It’s me, V,” the man muttered, hesitant. “I…”

“V is dead! Bastard… How you dare pass yourself off as him?” I cut him off, starting to get really mad. “Why are you doing this?”

“There’s an explanation…” He rose his gloved hands warily, taking a little step towards me.

I tensed up, grabbing my knives harder. He noticed, stopping all movement.

“I don’t know what you want, but you’re not going to get it,” I warned him, raising one of my knives before me, as a defence.

“I assure you this was not what I wanted,” he said, clearly trying to be really soft in his tone. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“What are you talking about?” My head was starting to hurt badly. Maybe I was inside a new nightmare. It felt like it, definitely.

He sighed, sounding defeated. The tiredness of his crying was still audible in his breathing and words.

“Powder and fire should’ve been enough for me to end the circle, but the Death didn’t greet me on her realm. I was left behind on desolation.”

His words hit my core like a poisoned arrow and I felt my legs would fail me at any moment. “It can’t be… You’re an impostor! You’re a liar!”

Rage took over me at the first reasonable thought that crossed my mind and I leapt on him again, my knives raised. I run to him, decided to fight, but he grabbed my arms, stopping me easily. I struggled, trying to free myself, screaming in anger and feeling the tears already burning in my eyes.

“Evey, please…” He pleaded, gentle. “Listen to my voice. Find the truth in it.”

“Shut up! You’re not going to fool me!” I wrestled with my knives almost on him. I couldn’t release myself from his hands. However, frustration did release my tears. “V died in my arms! I felt his heart stopping, his life slipping through my fingers!”

“I should’ve died, it’s true. But it seems even my own death was beyond my power.”

I tried to push down the blades again, but it was impossible. He was much stronger than me. However, his grip wouldn’t be hurtful if wasn’t for my constant wrestling.

Then, he moved me closer, placing my arms around his neck, apparently not caring I could stab him like that. Our bodies touched and his hands trapped me into an embrace, one of them raising to intertwine in my wet curls. I could have hurt him from behind then. It would have been so easy… So damn easy… But I had lost all my strength.

That feeling, the sensation of his arms around me, wasn’t something that could be faked. I recognised the way he gently held me, the strength of his body, his essence that not even the rain could have taken away…

My knives fell to the floor. I was dizzy. I couldn’t think of anything. I couldn’t feel the cold or the rain. The only thing there was him.

“V…” I muttered his name.

He let out a sigh of relief, pressing me more against him. I held onto him, closing my arms around his neck in disbelief, even when they felt numb.

“How?” I whispered barely. My mind was clouding.

“I don’t even know myself. But, oh God…” V let out, sounding extremely consoled. “I thought you were dead.”

“Evey!” I heard from afar.

Eric.

He sounded so far away… I forgot to warn them about what was happening. They should have heard me screaming. They had to be so worried…

I could have shouted back, revealing my position. I should have, but I was unable. If it wasn’t for V’s arms, I couldn’t have stood on my feet.

V backed away a bit at the voice, looking away before returning his gaze to me. I didn’t search for Eric in the rain; I was afraid that if I looked away, V would disappear, vanishing like a dream in the daylight. But he was there for real.

V was alive.

A feeling of vertigo seized me when he pulled me back a little more and I fainted before I had time to warn him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> I know I've said it'd take two weeks for me to update, but uni is giving me a break and I've had time to write this week. Also, the next chapter is almost written too, so I'll post soon again. Thanks for the hits and kudos btw! <3
> 
> Enjoy <3 xx


	4. When the sun comes up we'll be nothing but dust

The first thing I sensed was the harsh cold.

Then, the softness and the weight of a thick eiderdown over me.

My whole body ached. My throat and chest felt really dry. My head burned. I was sick, maybe.

I half opened my lids, trying to see something through my blurry vision. I was in my room at the shelter.

“She’s awake,” a voice claimed and I saw a shadow rushing over my bed from a corner, leaning over me.

My vision cleared and I got to see two hazel eyes and little blonde curls falling above me, covering the angular features of Jeremy. He had a black eye and a wound on his cheek.

“What the…” I uttered, hoarse. “You’re horrible, Jeremy.”

He straightened up, looking like a slim tower being raised from my perspective. He looked away, to another corner of the room.

“Fantastic! She’s amnesiac,” he claimed dramatically.

“Shut up, for the love of God,” Bel let out, appearing by my side and sitting on the bed’s edge. “She’s just confused,” she looked down at me, putting her soft hand on my forehead. “How do you feel, Evey?”

“Cold. And thirsty,” I said, grunting when I leant back on the bed headboard with Bel’s help. “What has happened? I’m so stiff…”

Bel was silent for a moment, analysing me with a hint of fear in her eyes. Jeremy scratched his neck, uncomfortable. I looked at him for a while, expecting he would say something if Bel didn’t, but the sight of his bruised face was enough to make me recall.

My heart exploded and I felt a rush of nervousness ran through my veins like fire.

“Where is he?” I turned to Bel, speaking too fast suddenly. “Where’s V?”

I remembered everything from the past days and the night before at the cemetery when I had chased and attacked him thinking he was the stalker, and then an impostor. But he wasn’t.

He was the real one. The only one.

Bel’s silence made me think for a moment I had imagined it and I almost broke down, but then she talked. “Downstairs, with Eric and Maria on the Red Salon,” Bel admitted.

I tried to get up right away but she stopped me, pulling me down, and I couldn’t avoid falling on the bed again, much weaker than I felt.

“I have to see him, right now,” I demanded in a rush.

“You have to rest first.”

“Bollocks!” I shouted, offended.

She gave me a hard look. “Evey, let me enlighten you a bit because maybe you’re still groggy,” Bel said in a stern tone. “I know you want some explanations, but you’ve been in the cold for hours and you need to rest or you’ll get sicker. If what you need is the confirmation that he is real, don’t worry: I can tell you that he very much is. You didn’t imagine it.”

Her words soothed my nerves a little bit but didn’t help much with the urge to see him. “I understand… But I need to see him now, Bel. I beg you.” I pleaded.

She sighed, seeming tired and frustrated. “I won’t let him go upstairs unless you’ve taken aspirin and a full meal. You don’t have the energy to face this conversation, not yet.”

We wouldn’t come to an agreement; I knew it already. She was really stubborn, and so was I. Usually, we would meet halfway if we weren’t on the same page. But not with that.

“We’ll see,” I got up, sliding out the bed by the other side, avoiding her, and going to the door at a fast pace.

Bel shouted my name and Jeremy asked her to let me go, but she told him to shove off and followed me through the long corridor.

I wasn’t thinking about the plan. I didn’t care if they hadn’t told the organization I was alive or didn’t yet. I didn’t even know if wanted to hug V and melt in his embrace more than I wanted to punch him and yell at him. Anger and excitement boiled up inside me, going beyond the pain my body was feeling.

“Evey, wait!” Bel shouted, running down the stairs behind me. “I won’t stop you, but just wait for a second!”

I stopped halfway and turned around to see her. Bel went down the last steps that separated us and looked at me with worry.

“Can you, please, wait and think for a minute what you want to do?” She whispered, breathless. “I know what you feel about him, but… He has left you for a whole year, mourning him, letting you suffer and thinking he was dead.”

I took a deep breath, feeling the cold air getting into my lungs. My hands started to get sweaty. “I don’t know what I want to do,” I admitted. “Now, I just need to see him and I’ll figure it out when I talk to him.”

She cocked her head, worried. “I don’t know, girl… I admire him for what he’s done for this country, but I don’t know how much he cares about you for real. Have you considered he was just using you for his own profit?”

Her allegation irritated me, but I could understand her hesitation. She was being overprotective, that was all. “He has done a lot of things wrong, but no: he hasn’t used me,” I said, absolutely secure about it. “Whatever this is all about… I don’t know. But it isn’t that. You didn’t hear him mourning me in front of my grave.”

“That could be fake too!” Bel seemed really bothered. “You’ve said many times he was… Is unstoppable. He could’ve broken into our closed reunions and known your death was a lie. Maybe he wants to manipulate you again. What a coincidence that he appears after a year when the opposition cell is growing stronger again and you’re the one who gives people hope, don’t you think? He’s dead to the world’s eyes, but he can work through you.”

Her mistrust was making me a mad now, but at the same time, I could comprehend she thought that way. I was the only one that knew V and I was aware that he could seem just manipulating and crazy from the others’ perspective.

I had to breathe deep again before talking. I didn’t want to go for Bel’s jugular. “Trust me. That’s not how he is at all,” I assured her.

Bel furrowed, crossing her arms. “I don’t know if you remember, but he tortured and made you go through a real hell. And, for what? To help you through your fear? Excuse me, but that’s really twisted, and I’m biting my tongue here. There are a million better ways to do so, but… Torture? Hell no!”

“I haven’t forgotten it, thanks,” I uttered, this time not being able to hold back my growing anger. “And I know what it seems: I saw it like that once. He’s hard to understand if you don’t know him.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that,” she shook her head. “It’s hard to understand anyhow.”

I tensed up, going silent for a moment. “What are you trying with this?” I muttered, feeling on the edge of my nerves.

Bel sighed and her gaze turned less sharp. “I’m just worried that your love is clouding your mind,” Bel said, sounding steadier, but far from calmer. “I don’t want to see you in the arms of a man that’s destructive. I’ve seen your pain every day since we met and it’s been all because of him.”

“What makes you think I’ll let go all he has done?” I furrowed. “Come on! You know me better than that. I do love him, yes, but I stand for myself too.”

She flinched a little, looking away for a brief moment. “So…” Bel hesitated. “You won’t run to him as if nothing happened.”

“Of course not!” I crossed my arms too. “I thought him dead for a year. I want to see and feel him, but we’d need to have a serious talk about why he didn’t show up until now. I’m really hurt by it and, depending on what he says… If it’s better for us to take different paths…” My eyes watered a bit and I exhaled, feeling the pain just to think about it “so be it.”

Bel remained silent, looking calmer now at my resolution. I was pretty aware that the most probable end to that day would be that I would have to say goodbye to V, because there were too much pain and decisions that kept us apart, even now. He would not give me what I needed from him and I couldn’t be his Mercedes anymore. I couldn’t expect V to change for me and I would never ask him such a thing.

And there was Eric too. And they were together in that very moment…

“What about Eric?” She muttered as if she had heard my thoughts.

A shiver ran down my spine at the thought. “I don’t know. Have you talked with him?”

“No. Jeremy and I were taking care of you. But I suppose Eric and Maria had been interrogating him for a while.”

That information made me extremely nervous. “How long have I been asleep?”

“More than twelve hours,” she answered. “One o’clock just struck.”

I placed my hand on my forehead. That were too many hours… The idea of V and Eric trapped in the same room for so long was stressing me out at a dangerous rate.

“I’ve gone downstairs a few times to check on what was happening and everything seemed pretty calm, don’t worry. But Eric didn’t look very happy, honestly.”

“Oh, God…” I whispered.

Eric knew about what I felt for V and, if V had been following me, he should know about what Eric and I had. Eric had been very cautious with our relationship and held back a lot to avoid making me feel uncomfortable. I tried to keep my love for V closed on my chest too, so he didn’t feel bad unnecessarily, considering his feelings for me. And now, the man I loved was right there, alive and real, and I didn’t know how to deal with the two of them. Just when Eric had tried to make our thing evolve…

“He confessed to me the night before the riot,” I said in a faint voice.

“What?!” Bel screeched and I shushed her. “How haven’t you told me this before?”

“That’s not all,” I continued, feeling my throat tightening. “He asked me last night to go with him to his family’s village in Ireland for Christmas.”

“Fuck,” she let out, biting her lower lip.

“I know.”

We looked at each other for a while, Bel seeming out of advice and I absolutely horrified by the situation.

“I think you should consider staying with Eric if you think your feelings might turn into love at some point,” she spouted the cruel truth at last. “But if you don’t, let him go before both of you suffer from what you can’t have in this relationship.”

I knew that would come out of her mouth at some point. It was what I thought myself, after all. Eric deserved love, a kind of love I couldn’t offer. And now the man who had my heart was downstairs, just by his side… I couldn’t bear thinking how Eric would be feeling at that very moment. Maybe if V hadn’t had my love, maybe then I would have been able to love Eric… But I knew that wasn’t true either.

“I’ll deal with one man at a time,” I said simply.

Bel nodded. “I’m sorry if I’ve been too hard on you. I just hate to see you in pain all the time.”

“I know,” I approached to kiss her cheek and she gave me a sweet hug.

“When you finish talking with him, come to see me at my room, okay?”

I accepted and, after a moment in which we gazed at each other, as if psyching ourselves up, we started to walk downstairs.

The Red Salon was the private space of the organization, on the second floor, under the two upper floors full of bedrooms. We went down the corridor until standing before the last door. Bel opened it with a key she had on a pocket and we entered a big room, full of little red armchairs forming a circle and a separated space with walls of glass on a corner, with a little office inside. The three people on the Salon were totally apart from each other. Maria was backed against a table ready for our long reunions, where we had food, drinks, a coffee maker and teapot. She was holding a cup of tea, with her gaze lost on the transparent walls of the office. Eric was sitting on one of the nearest armchairs to the door, with a glass of whisky on his hands, looking really tired. And V was on another armchair, away from Eric.

They all turned to us when we entered the room.

Eric stood up fast, not hesitating in taking me on his arms. I returned his embrace, knowing it could be the last one he would ever give me. I could smell he had been drinking more than what he used to and my heart cracked. He was suffering because of me. His pain was my fault.

“Thank God you’re alright,” he backed away a little, enough to see my face. “How do you feel?”

“I’m alright,” which was a lie, but I didn’t dare to tell him.

“Are you sure?” The worrying in his voice was very noticeable and broke my soul.

I nodded and suddenly I was pulled away, drawn to Maria’s embrace. She rubbed her cheek against my hair, squeezing me tight.

“You silly girl! You’ve had us scared to death!” She protested with a high-pitched voice.

“Please, Maria,” I struggled. “You’re asphyxiating me.”

Bel took her off me and I took a deep breath. I looked over Eric’s shoulder then. V was motionless, his head lowered, the gaze lost on the floor in front of him.

My heart started to beat out of control. Eric gave me a look, but I didn’t return it to him.

“You don’t have to deal with this now,” he muttered and a hint of hope sounded in his voice.

“It’s better like this,” I said. “while I can.”

The three of them remained silent around me and I took the first step towards V. My feet felt really heavy when I approached the man as if I was in my nightmare. My mouth got suddenly dry and, for a moment, I thought I would black out again.

He didn’t look up to me when I reached where he was. He almost resembled a statue; even noticing if he was breathing was hard.

My heartbeat was so fierce it was painful, and I wasn’t sure I was able to talk. I stopped right in front of the armchair he was sitting on, looking down to him. I didn’t remember a time I had been so nervous and anxious. I had seen him so many times in my dreams… I thought they were so real… But I was wrong. Nothing could compare to the real V, not even my memory of him. I realised how many little details I had forgotten, how his presence actually made me feel.

I held the urge to cry and throw myself to him at that moment, which I got to restrain somehow. I wasn’t sure I would be able to hold it back once we were alone, though.

“How do you feel, Evey?” he said at last, really softly.

His voice made me dizzy once more. I had missed it too much… I had missed all of him.

“A little weak, but confused mostly,” I uttered, trying to sound steady.

“I understand.”

V didn’t say anything else. He didn’t even look up to me and it stabbed my heart, turning it blue. I could have observed him for hours after one whole year, after thinking I had lost him forever. Wasn’t he glad to see me without the distance and the death between us? However, then I recalled how he sighed when I returned his embrace the night before and how he mourned me. Maybe he was expecting our conversation to happen in another place.

“May we talk on a more private place?” I said, hoping he would accept.

V kept silent for an instant. Then, he nodded slightly and stood up. My heart skipped a beat, his imposingness making me feel like I was out of the air to breathe.

I turned around before falling on my knees, walking towards the door again, and I heard V’s steps as he followed me. I passed by their side, giving them a confident look. The last thing I wanted was worrying them. They were as confused as I was by V’s sudden appearance, and I would face the conversation with him better if they thought I had everything under control. I didn’t, but I suppose that was the story of my last year.

“Hurry. Nobody can know about him,” Bel warned me with a whisper, not caring if he heard her. “It’d be a real mess if somebody saw him.”

I would have told her that she was talking about a man who had been hiding for twenty years and had been dead in the world’s eyes for another one. However, I just nodded, unable to say anything yet.

I opened the door and waited for V to cross the doorstep. Then, we walked as fast as we could down the corridor and went upstairs. In the blink of an eye, the door of my room was closing behind me and V was standing in the middle of the bedroom.

He looked like a dream, illuminated by the faint light of the grey day that entered through the window. My chimera, my oneirism… The only illusion that thought I couldn’t reach. But there he was.

My emotions overflew and I crossed the space between us with a couple of strikes, capturing him in my arms. The tears that I couldn’t shed last night because of the shock and I held that morning to keep myself focused on finding him, found their way down my face at last.

I felt his body tense up and his hesitation radiating through him. Nevertheless, he held me when I sobbed for the first time and grabbed the fabric of his shirt’s back. I pressed my ear against his chest and the sound of his heartbeat made me break down, weeping uncontrollably.

“Evey…” He muttered, sounding as if he was in pain.

“I can’t believe you are here…” I cried. “I can’t believe you’re alive…”

He let me cry in his arms, not moving a single bit or pulling me away. V held me through my tears until I had enough energy to back away and dry my face with my sleeves. However, he kept his hands on my arms, holding me softly.

“How?” I asked, barely, my voice hoarse. “You were dead… I made sure you were. I checked your pulse and your breathing several times to be sure… I put you on the train… And...” I couldn’t say it.

V sighed, the mask lowering, indicating he was looking down. “I’d like to offer you a better explanation, but my only memory, after supposedly dying, is waking up under the rubble, when the fire had extinguished. It took me hours to get out of there and, somehow, I did. That’s all I know for sure. How I survived… That’s beyond my comprehension.”

My body froze at his words.

That meant I got him on the train full of explosives while he was still alive. Also, the thought that he wanted to die so badly still made my heart ache in furious pain. The fact that he survived, but not willingly, was just another confirmation of it.

I covered my face with my hands, horrified. “Oh God, V…” I muttered. “I put you on that train alive…”

He grabbed my wrists, gentle as always, uncovering my face. “Do not feel guilty, Evey. There was no way you could’ve known I was.”

I remained silent for a while, looking at him, feeling the power of his gaze on me. Bel had been wrong about his intentions, as I thought. However, I felt how she had planted the seed of doubt in my mind.

“So…” I muttered, furrowing. “You didn’t do it on purpose. You didn’t fake it.”

“Of course not, Evey,” V said, almost alarmed. “Why would I?”

I gazed down, feeling ashamed of myself for doubting. “I don’t know…”

V got his hands off me, both falling to his sides, and a sudden coldness hit me once he stopped touching me. I sensed his hesitation right away and I looked up, seeing how he stepped back.

“I will not blame you if you mistrust my words. I have no right to ask for anything yours, after all,” he said, absolutely mournful.

It wasn’t that I mistrusted him; that wasn’t what it made my feelings waver. All I had inside was pain, pain caused by the neglect.

“I just don’t understand…” I hugged myself, feeling so little suddenly. “After what you said to me… Why didn’t you come back to me then? I told you we could’ve gone somewhere together… I would have.”

I heard his breath catch for a moment. His mask lowered slightly, as in shame. “There was no place for me in the new world that awoke the next day; therefore, neither in your life,” he explained, his tone full of pain. “You deserved the light of a new life, not being chased by the shadow I am. I had provided enough darkness to you. There was no need for more. I was unwilling to break that for a selfish desire.”

His words hurt more than any wound I had to suffer in my whole life. Suddenly, I felt really mad at him and I knew it was visible on my features. I couldn’t believe it…

“Yes, you’re right,” I blurted out, cutting like a sharp knife, and took one step towards him. “You were… You are a shadow. God… Did you really follow me, for real? I know how much you’ve watched over me… I sensed it every damn time you had your eyes on me. So, it’s impossible you didn’t know how much I’ve mourned you, how much I’ve cried over your death. I’ve been grieving for a whole year, V. A whole year. And you didn’t think that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t the best decision to let me think you were gone for good? That maybe I wanted you to return as much as you did?”

He went silent. Even his breathing seemed to have stopped. “I didn’t know. I couldn’t imag…” V said with a faint voice.

“Don’t lie to me,” I cut him off.

“I’m not,” he answered, seeming defenceless. “I just followed you while you were out, to make sure you were safe. I didn’t invade your privacy.”

“Really? And what about the reunions inside the shelters? You’ve been inside them, somehow; don’t dare to lie. There’s no other way you’ve known about the trap,” I said, stunned.

“I wasn’t there,” V refuted my accusation. “I got the information by listening to a couple of your organization that talk too much on the streets. As I said, I didn’t want to invade your privacy.”

“Anyway,” I shook my head. “What makes you think I needed protection? I can protect myself, as you’ve seen. If you hadn’t had the guts to emerge from the shadows, you didn’t have the right to watch for my security.”

I gave my back to him, walking a couple of steps away. I rubbed my forehead with my hand, feeling the hole in my heart again and all the loneliness and mourning crossing my thoughts.

“I just can’t believe you decided for me... You didn’t let me chose if I wanted you in my life or I didn’t,” my chest felt so heavy at every word uttered, I didn’t know if I could talk for much longer. “I’d have given everything to see you again one more time, you know? I wished so hard to hear your voice, to cook and dance and read together… I’d have preferred the shadows, as you say, over this light that’s my new life.”

I turned around, gazing directly at him, who was dejected, with his head lowered and huddled.

“This new life has had more shadows than if you had stayed. I thought so, at least…” I embraced myself harder, feeling the tears appear again. “But you’re always making decisions for me. You’re always doing what you please with me, to the point I don’t know what’s true with you.”

V crossed his arms nervously, turning a bit to a side, and looking away. “I could’ve never imagined you’d be so attached to my memory. After what happened… After you left… There was no way you could want me near.”

“What the…?” I huffed. “I came back! I told you I’d go anywhere with you and I even kissed you! How could you think such a thing?”

“You fulfilled the last wish of a damned man. It was more than I deserved, surely.”

“You’re doing it again!” I screeched. “You focus what you think on me as if it is what I think too. And then you decide on your own! I returned willingly! I meant everything I did and said that day! It’s so stupid… It’s so stupid that’s not credible! You’re just making me feel lied and manipulated...”

He faced me again. “That’s not my intention at all.”

I was so mad I wasn’t thinking enough what I was saying. I was shaking, hurt and feeling absolutely neglected, and I went on with the first thought that came to my mind.

“Sure! Like it wouldn’t be the first time… You built up a whole jail and tortured me without hesitation for weeks to make me think I had been captured for real. That’s pretty manipulative, let me say.”

That had been too much. I knew how that would hurt him, but I didn’t find the strength to hold my tongue. I could discern how my words went through his chest as he flinched. I dried a few tears that had already fallen and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know what to think of you anymore, V. Of us,” I admitted, torn. “I’ve forgiven all the pain you caused me in the past, telling myself you couldn’t help the way you were and what had been done to you. Damn… I’ve even forgiven I was always under your agenda and that you preferred your vengeance over me. I’d have understood it if you hadn’t had another thing, another option, but… You said you were in love with me and, after all, you survived and didn’t return to me. You’re still fighting in the shadows, maybe not because of your vengeance anymore, but you’re there. And I’m still under that. You had to think I had died to show up. Either way, I know you would’ve left me thinking you died that day, on my arms, after confessing, for the rest of my life.”

The air was thick between us and I felt I’d choke on the pain that was invading my body. “If you had returned and we had this very conversation a year ago, and you told me you didn’t want to be in my life anymore, for whatever reason, I’d have accepted it. I wouldn’t have asked you to change your priorities for me. I won’t do now, either. I just can’t bear the fact that you let me suffer thinking you were dead… I thought you cared about me, at least enough to have that minimum amount of sincerity.”

I breathed out, feeling my lungs as if they were flooding and continued. “Maybe you let me out of that cell, V, but you hadn’t ceased torturing me.”

At my words, he seemed about to crumble and with nothing to hold onto. “I’d never have stayed away if I have known you were in such pain,” he spoke as if he was holding back his own tears, and it made me remember the way he cried before my grave.

It made me waver, indeed. I suspected he did, in fact, loved me in a way; but his tears wouldn’t stop me. I cried more over him than he could even imagine and I had to go on with that, for myself. What he had done was unbearable. I didn’t have enough energy to love him as if nothing happened. He would always be my priority and I would always be his second one.

“Don’t be oblivious,” I muttered, already very tired. “You’re more intelligent than that. It’s not only the fact that you’ve stayed away, but that you think your judgment is better than mine. I can’t compete with your own mind. You might be cleverer for plotting and destruction, but with this, with me, you’re short-sighted.”

“I’m not,” he whispered. “I just… Couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t condemn you like that. My life is a hell where I don’t want to drag you in.”

Something exploded inside me then. Making me cross the space between us, facing him. “Short-sighted and stupid! I wanted you, V, do you hear me? I wanted you! I wanted you so much it tore me apart every time I thought I didn’t fight enough to make you stay. I wanted to have a life by your side, at the Gallery, and bring you all the things you hadn’t had! I’d have burned in your hell rather than live without you. You think I’m so stupid I don’t realise what you have inside? I know your broken in some ways. Everybody is, somehow. I didn’t care then. What I can’t bear is that you’re unable to let me decide. The only valid explanation for your actions is that you didn’t want me back. Can you say that? Can you say you didn’t want me?”

He backed away a little, looking intimidated even when I couldn’t see his real expression. “I did, Evey,” he uttered softly. “And I did not lie in my last words. But you left for months and I assumed you moved on, before and after the Fifth. I couldn’t comprehend that you thought of me and my petition, and even if you gave me your compassion I…”

I broke down. I had enough. “Stop it! It wasn’t compassion, for goodness’s sake!” I cut him off, yelling, shedding tears again. “I loved you! I loved you with all of my heart! You don’t listen to a single thing I say… And you let me suffer! You always let me suffer…”

I had to do it. I had to do it for my poor heart and what was left of it. I couldn’t go on like that.

“But now it’s too late. I’m too broken. We have to end this circle. It has to end… It has to…” I muttered, forcing my voice into saying what I had to. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m glad you’re alive. Even now, after all, I’m utterly glad. But I’m not strong enough to cope with all you’ve done to me, what you’ve let me believe and the barrier you’ve put between us. I’ll go mad because of confusion and sorrow if I try, never knowing which is my place or what is true, and… I just can’t. So, free me, V; I beg you. Free me from all of this and say goodbye to me, this time for real. Have your home and all that is yours back and… Please… No more following. No more intervening. Just get out of my life; you owe me at least this.”

V didn’t move and, for a brief moment, I almost betrayed myself, throwing myself at him and retracting all I had said. But I couldn’t. That had to be the end. That had to be the definitive goodbye.

He was silent for a while, remaining completely still.

“I’ll do as you wish,” V declared, at last, barely audible. I knew he was crying already and I had to hold back a sob. “You have my word.”

He made a brief reverence. If I stayed quiet enough, I would have done it. It would be over soon.

“Goodbye, Evey.”

He walked past me and opened the door. When it closed, everything went extremely silent, and I had a moment of confusion. When I realised that had been the very end, I broke down, sitting on my bed. Bending down, my face covered with my hands, I turned into a mess of sobbing and crying.

With my uncontrollable sobs, I didn’t hear how the door opened again. I just realised I wasn’t alone when two arms captured me into an embrace, and Bel caressed my hair. I hugged her, weeping and falling apart inside.

“It’s fine, sweetie. I’m here. I’m here with you. It’s all over now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> I got really emotional writing this, oh my. I've just started writing the next chapter, so I don' think I'll take me long to update. Enjoy meanwhile! <3


	5. Our love was a slow dance; I dance, but I don’t feel it

“I thought I've had bad experiences at love but, girl… You've won me.”

I was nestled in Bel’s bed, tired, feeling absolutely dry from crying for which seemed a whole day. She was by my side, sitting against her bed’s headboard, sharing the tub of chocolate ice cream, saved in the mini-fridge of her room for emotional emergencies like that one.

Once I stopped crying, I told her everything that had happened with V. She listened to me rambling about my pain and my love for him which I couldn't let go, even after what he had done to me. When I finished, she reassured me and took me to her room. She improvised a marathon of action movies, covered me in blankets and fed me with all the junk food she had around her room.

We were taking a break before playing the third movie.

“There's Eric, still,” I muttered with my voice hoarse even after so many hours. 

“Will you stay with him?”

I knew my answer already, but it was so painful to say it out loud that it took me a whole minute to give Bel a response. “I can't. Not after this,” I declared, mournful. “We've been able to keep the fantasy going while I thought my love was under a key. But V's return has released what I've been holding back.”

“But you kicked him out,” she furrowed, not understanding.

“Yes, because I had to, for my sanity and my good being. But I love him whole-heartedly, even after all. And that's been inside me for a whole year, like something you treasure so much you keep it locked inside a box forever. It wasn't supposed to get out of there. It's like…” I tilted my head to a side, trying to find the best explanation. “If you don't see it, you can pretend it doesn't exist, even if you know it's not true.”

Bel murmured, comprehending. “And what will you do about it?”

I sighed, burying myself more in the big fluffy pillows behind me. “Nothing. There's nothing I can do about it.”

She grunted a little. I saw sideways how she was squinting.

“I still think you'll get over it someday,” Bel declared, hugging a little cushion. “You've had your closure at last. You can move on now.”

“I will like I’ve been doing since the Fifth. But I can't rip off my feelings for him.”

“That's part of the process, you know? Feelings disappear with time.”

“V is not somebody you can let go,” I sighed. “He’s not like the fuckboys you've been with.”

Bel snorted. “Yeah. He’s definitely worse.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes and Bel grunted at my reaction, turning around and sitting facing me.

“You're making me feel like a mother talking to her naive daughter who's in love with a problematic boy,” she protested and proceeded to make fun of me, imitating me with a high-pitched voice. “_You don't get it, mom! I love him! He’s not bad; he had a tough life, that’s all!” _Bel huffed, blowing a lock of hair off her forehead. “I've been in love before too. It's really fucked up to break up and it takes time to heal. But… Hell! I've never been captured and tortured by one of my exes! Well, maybe Dan singing in the shower could be considered torture but… Anyway. You get my point.”

A shiver ran down my spine at the memory of V flinching when I made him remember what he had done to me in the cell. It had been cruel… But he had been crueller for leaving me thinking he was dead. 

“It doesn’t matter, anyway. It’s over now,” I sighed.

“Sure,” she uttered sarcastically. “We’ll have to see that. Did you return his knives?”

“No.”

“And his shirt?”

I looked away. “No.”

“Did you say everything you needed to?” She arched her brows, inquiringly.

“I think so.”

“But you’re not sure.”

“I was very mad. I wasn’t following a checklist,” I defended myself.

“So, you’re not,” Bel decided and looked me up and down, analysing me. “I take back my words: you haven’t had closure.”

I didn’t know why we were having that conversation even. The last thing I wanted was to think of him.

“Trust me. It’s over,” I said, hoping Bel would let it pass.

“I don’t swallow that,” she spouted instead.

I furrowed, feeling attacked. “What do you want to hear? That I’d rather be with him? Of course, I would! That I feel tempted to forgive and throw myself at him? Absolutely. But I still have some self-love and he can’t love me right even if I wish he could.”

Bel backed off a bit at my words, but there was a hint of reluctance in her gaze. She breathed out, tilting her head a bit. “Don’t get me wrong,” she started, now in a softer tone. “I agree with that. It’s just that if your feelings are free now, and he’s around here even if you kicked him out of your life, I’m afraid you’re going to fall for him at any moment.”

“I won’t. For real,” I grunted. “Can we, please, stop talking about this and watch the next movie?”

Bel, even if still unsure about my decision, accepted and we watched another movie until both of us fell asleep one against the other.

Maybe V was now out of my life, but he still tormented me in my sleep. I woke up suddenly, in the middle of the night, sweating and panting. Again, that damned dream…

I felt anxious and extremely thirsty, so I decided to make a brief trip to the shelter’s kitchen. I wrapped myself with a blanket and got out of Bel’s room, being careful to not wake her up.

The shelter was quiet, but I could hear some snores from time to time through the doors. It was impossible to feel alone inside that big mansion, even at night. However, my heart was too cold, too broken to feel the warmth of the place. In my mind, there was only space for V right then.

I felt guilty and I pitied myself for that.

He was the one who had taken the wrong step first. He had wronged me and neglected me, leaving me behind every time. And, for some reason, as I repeated the fight on my head, more I felt like there was something missing. V had seemed less eloquent. He had seemed to let me ramble and shout at him, not putting up much fight. He had given me what I asked: the truth. However, he didn’t talk about what he felt at that very moment and now I was feeling like I had assumed more than I knew for real. I didn’t even ask him about what happened at the cemetery. Maybe there was more. Maybe I was wrong about his conception of me.

I shook my head. I couldn’t doubt now: V hadn’t treated me right. I couldn’t let love blind me.

The kitchen was on the first floor. It was enormous like the type restaurants or schools have. I was surprised when, in the dark, I saw that there was somebody there already, sitting on the floor against the lower cupboards.

Eric had a bottle of whisky by his side and empty glass on his hand. His gaze was lost in the ovens in front of him, but it turned to me when I entered.

“Eric,” I muttered, holding onto the blanket, suddenly nervous. I didn’t expect to face him yet, “what are you doing here, so late?”

He smiled briefly, embraced by the darkness. It made me shiver, to see him so gloomy.

“I can’t sleep,” he explained in a faint voice. “Thought a drink would help.”

I suspected the reason why he couldn’t sleep. I was his insomnia, just as V was mine.

I sighed, grabbing another glass from a cupboard and sitting by his side. “I think I need one too,” I said, pouring some whisky into mine.

Then, I gave him a look with the bottle raised, asking silently if he wanted more. Eric nodded and I poured some on his glass. With the bottle aside once more, we looked at each other for a moment and I saw the catastrophe about to explode in his eyes.

“I’m afraid your conversation hasn’t gone very well,” he started, taking a sip.

“Not at all,” I took a sip too, feeling glad for the burning sensation that it brought. It made me feel less stiff.

“So, now what?”

I turned to him. “What do you mean?”

“What are you going to do?”

I leaned back, resting my head on the hard surface behind us. “Keep going. My life is this now: the shelter and the revolution. Nothing’s changed.”

“Not even us?”

My breath caught and he let out a sad laugh, looking away and taking another sip. I didn’t dare to say anything yet, feeling totally caught.

“I knew, when I first saw him at the cemetery and realised that he was alive, that this would happen,” he said, mournful, but without any kind of resentment. “I knew you’d make this decision the very moment you talked to him.”

“I haven’t gone back with V,” I hurried to say.

“I’m aware of it,” he breathed out, closing his eyes for an instant. “Bel has slipped out of the room before and we've been talking for a while. She hasn't told me much, but I suspected you wouldn't have good news for me.”

It broke my heart when his eyes started to water, shinning under the dim light of the kitchen.

“This is not because of you.”

“Oh, please...” He uttered a little laugh, even sadder. “That's a little bit of a cliché, don't you think?”

“But it's the truth,” I pressed my lips in a thin line, suppressing my tears. “I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I don't see your feelings and how you want more.”

“That wasn't your decision. You’ve never forced me. I wanted to stay by your side, even if you didn't feel the same. I was content with that.”

“But that can't last forever, Eric,” I muttered, turning to him. “It would tear you at some point. I know some things about neglect and not having what you want, what you need... It's too painful. And you deserve to be loved for real, whole-heartedly. I can't offer you that. I just can't.”

“Not all couples are reciprocal.”

“No,” I declared roundly. “That would be so unfair to you... I'm not willing to.”

Eric sighed, taking a big gulp. “So, you are determined to break up. There's no way I can make you stay.”

I shook my head. I would never forgive myself for hurting him so much. “It's not like that. I've been really happy with you. I am. It's just that I don't feel the same. You are my friend, my confidant... I care about you unconditionally and I love you, but it's not that kind of love.”

Eric turned his head to look at me at last. “You're not saying anything I didn't know already. If he hadn't come back, would you have stayed with me a little longer?”

I sighed. “I guess,” I shrugged my shoulders. “But all of this has been on my mind for a while now. It has nothing to do with what has happened. There was no future for us since the beginning.”

The silence fell between us, hard as stone, cold as the winter outside the building. I stared into his brown eyes, blackened because of the night, as he kept them on mine.

“You're not going to return to him?” Eric whispered then.

“No.”

“Would you give me a chance, then?”

I furrowed, feeling lost. “A chance for what?”

“A chance to show you how a life with me could be.”

I tilted my head to a side, closing my eyes and uttering a tired sigh. “Eric...” I stared, about to repeat, reluctantly, why that couldn't be.

“Please,” he grabbed my chin gently, making me face him. I opened my eyes, seeing the sorrow in his features again. “Just listen to this now, Evey. And if it doesn’t please you, you can break up with me definitely, right now.”

I was quiet for a moment and nodded. He sat straighter and took his hand to grab mine.

“I asked you if you'd go with me to Ireland and you said you would. Let's do the trip. Let me show you what we could be far from our roles, from the revolution... From him. Give ourselves a chance. It'd be just a couple of days, a weekend... And if, after that, you want to take different paths, I'd accept it without putting up resistance.”

“It wouldn't be representative, Eric. These are our lives and, when we come back, I'd still be hunted by the opposition cell and ahead of the revolution and you an ex-member of the party, concealed by your job while working with the rebels.”

“But this situation won’t last forever,” he protested, full of hope, tightening his grip around my hand. “One day we will be free at last. Let me show you what that freedom can be like.”

Eric was determined to try to fix something that wasn't broken, but that simply didn't match since the very start. When we returned, he would be in love with me still and I would be in love with another man. It didn't matter what Bel said: I wouldn't forget V. I couldn't.

I opened my mouth to turn his proposition down, but then his grip on my hand tightened and talked before I could. “Please, Evey,” he insisted, almost desperate.

Eric's determination and the look in his eyes made me waver on my conviction to break up right then. And I ended up accepting to do the trip.

The two following weeks after our conversation, we didn't see each other much, thinking that maybe be apart for a while, while I processed V's return, would help. Bel told me I could rest for some days from my obligations, but I refused. There was a lot to do at the shelters and things that had to be attended after what happened in the last riot. The organization, at least, took very well our explanation of my fake death. I was worried that they would be mad, but I just received hugs and tears of happiness. Everybody was glad I was alive.

Only if it would have been like that with V... Hugs and tears of happiness... Everything would be so different…

I tried not to think much about him, nevertheless; but I failed every time. When I tried to give further thought to our conversation, I had to stop myself from it. I couldn’t let myself think I had done the wrong thing. I had to force myself into reaffirming my decisions inside my head. Then, the memories of his cries returned to haunt me, the tears vibrating in his voice while he said goodbye… I tried to remember myself he had neglected me, abandoned me and hurt me in every way possible. But his lack of words tormented me.

Maybe he didn’t want to fight an already lost battle.

V let me think he was dead for a year to let me live free from him and he had revealed the truth by accident. However, he was a man of strong convictions; I knew that too well. If he still thought that he was doing me favour staying away and I had given more proves that he was right about that, explaining repeatedly how hurt I was by his actions... Maybe V had let me push him away instead of doing it himself this time, accepting it because he thought of himself as trouble for me.

I couldn’t blame him for that. The decision was mine this time and he should have noticed soon during the conversation that I was determinate to make him leave if it was necessary.

But it was the right thing. It was. I had to focus on that.

And, despite all, my nights were still full of roses and him, consuming me every time I closed my eyes.

When Christmas’ Eve arrived, Eric came to pick me up at the shelter in his car and he drove us to the airport. We didn’t talk much at first, but we held hands almost all the time at the airport and fell asleep against each other on the plane.

Once we arrived in Ireland, and put our feet on its floor, the strange aura among us vanished, and nothing seemed to have happened between us at all. A taxi took us to his village and we left our baggage on the little B&B we were staying. Then, he took me for a walk and I felt so happy to see the emotions shining in his eyes. I knew that, no matter what happened at our return, I wouldn’t regret coming to that trip with Eric. Maybe we could keep the fantasy going for a little more.

We walked above the Christmas lights of the streets, while he told me stories and explained to me what I was seeing. We had dinner at a pub and laughed while we drank and talked about his childhood. When I felt a little bit dizzy, we went back to the B&B. Once in our room, he gifted me a silver bracelet with a zephyr embedded. I wasn’t very inclined to jewellery, but I thanked him and we kissed for the first time since we had arrived.

We made love in front of the fireplace of our room and we stayed there, embraced by the warmth of the fire and the heat of our bodies. And, for a brief moment, while falling asleep, I thought I could do it, I could stay with him.

But the night had other revelations for me. The true ones.

V appeared in my dreams again and I woke up in the middle of the night, as usual. However, the sensation of tiredness I usually had was a strange panic this time, and I felt like bursting into tears. But I just turned, laying on my side, giving my back to Eric to avoid the sight of him sleeping, and gazed at the extinguished fire.

I was lying to myself. Why had I accepted to come there? I knew already that I would break up with Eric at the end of the trip. Why make him suffer more time? I should have been firmer with him.

Knowing that I had no possible escape from my feelings, no remedy or fixation that helped me move on from V was too much to bear. I wished I didn't love him so much... I wished I could hate him instead, hate him with all my body and soul. But I couldn't. I couldn't even think of it.

He was within me and he would be forever within me.

When it began to get light, and Eric woke up, I saw how he noticed in my gaze that there wasn't anything left for us. However, he smiled as always and we went downstairs for breakfast.

Eric and I spent our last day together walking around the village and making small talk until it was the moment to take a taxi to the airport.

When we arrived in London, it was three in the morning and even the airport seemed to be asleep. My heart was heavy with guilt, knowing the final moment was coming.

Eric drove me back to the shelter. When he stopped the car, neither of us did move. We just stared at each other in absolute silence.

“Thank you for coming with me,” he said, at last, smiling sadly. “It’s been magical.”

“I should be the one thanking you. You've taken so much trouble for this to be perfect.”

He sighed, his gaze dropping for a moment. “If only it had been enough…”

I was silent for a moment, my blood running cold, and he laughed, looking sadder even if that was possible.

“I knew this trip wouldn't change anything,” Eric admitted. “I’ve had a brief hope it would, but I knew it wouldn't.”

I almost heard my heart shattering.

“Then... Why? Why did you ask me?” I whispered, full of guilt.

“Because I wanted to monopolize you a little bit more. I wanted to be selfish one last time.”

“You've been anything but selfish. You're the kindest man I've ever known.”

Eric rose his hand to caress my cheek and I leaned on his touch, my eyes starting to fill with tears. “I’m so sorry, Eric… For all the pain I’ve caused you.”

“None of that. It’s been a wonderful year, with you by my side. So, don’t be sad. I won’t disappear, you know? We’ll work together still.”

“See?” I dried my tears, sniffing. “We’re breaking up because of me and you’re the one being condescending.”

“You’re too focused on thinking this is your fault,” he furrowed. “You’ve never hidden that your heart was his; you’ve been honest with me and didn’t say anything you didn’t feel.”

“Even so…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I feel like I haven’t been good to you.”

“You’ve been,” he seemed almost offended. “I can scream at you if that makes you feel better.”

I laughed, covering my face for a moment. When I took my hands off my face, I breathed in, gazing at him.

“I’ll be alright, Evey. I promise,” he smiled. “But… Can I ask for a thing, before it’s all over?”

“Anything.”

Eric seemed hesitant for a moment. “Can you kiss me one more time?”

His words broke my heart and I reached for him, placing my hand on his nape, approaching his mouth to mine. I kissed him deeply and as sweetly as I could and, when I leaned back, he placed his forehead on mine.

“Thank you,” Eric whispered.

It was the moment to leave. It was time to let him move on. We both had to move on. I got out of the car and picked my bag from the rear seat. I leaned over the open door of the car before leaving and gave Eric a little smile.

“I’m taking your word, by the way. You better don’t disappear.”

He laughed, a brief joy reaching his eyes. “I’ll be around here on New Year’s Eve or the next day, don’t worry.”

I nodded slightly and he leaned his head to a side. “What?” Eric muttered, knowing there was something else on the tip of my tongue.

“I want you to know that you deserve the best and that you’re the best man I’ve ever been with.”

Eric uttered a little laugh and gave me a look. “Yet.”

I furrowed at his insinuation but I didn’t want to talk about V at that very moment, our last moment.

“Come on. Go inside. It’s cold out here,” Eric said and I shook my head affirmatively. “Goodnight, Evey. Stay safe, alright?”

“Goodnight, Eric. I will.”

I closed the door and waited for him to go. When his car disappeared in the distance and its taillights were consumed by the darkness, I shed a few more tears and I turned around, entering the mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! <3 And happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it!
> 
> This one is a bit shorter, I know, but it's a transition chapter. I hope to have the next chapter for this weekend, but I can't promise anything. By the way, thank you to those guests who left kudos and, especially, Lara J. J. for your sweet comments! It really keeps me going!
> 
> Hope you enjoy, as always! See you soon! <3


	6. These scars wouldn't be so hidden if you'd just look me in the eye

There were a few hours left before the year ended and my head was filled with memories I couldn't avoid. I couldn’t stop thinking about where I was at that very moment a year before, and the year before that.

One year ago, two hours before the new year started, I was sitting with Eric in the enormous dining hall of the shelter, eating and drinking champagne, laughing and enjoying the first moment of peace in my soul since the Fifth. He kissed me for the first time when midnight stuck, under the confetti, on the improvised dancefloor at the dining hall.

Two years ago, I was on the couch at the Shadow Gallery, alone, embraced by the smell of the beef stew we had for dinner and the warmth of the blanket I was wrapped in, watching an old movie on the tele but not paying much attention. V was doing chores at the kitchen meanwhile as if he wasn’t aware of which day it was. He was giving me space still, knowing I wasn't comfortable around him yet. However, that night, I would have liked for him to sit with me and keep my company. But he didn't. He just wished me good night when he finished whatever he was doing and retired to his room.

It was sad to think I didn't have a genuine good memory of us; there was always sadness, neglect or pain intervening. Those moments when I felt somehow happy around V had been so brief, so easily broken by the very thing that had connected us. The past and the future of our country, its revolution, had been the things that made us find each other in the darkness, and also the reason why we had lost ourselves. We only had a bunch of mirages, instants when we forgot we were damned to be apart.

I couldn't get out of my mind the image of him, alone in his lair, surrounded by beauty and knowledge, still unaware of the day it was. And I couldn't stop looking at my reflection in the full-body mirror of my room, in my pyjamas, also alone and feeling half alive.

We had repeated the new tradition of the shelter, which we started the last year. Everybody there reunited at the hall to have dinner, like every night; however, we made sure it was extra special, cooking typical meals of Christmas with the food we made sure it was the best quality we could get. When the dinner was over, everybody moved to the space we left to be used as a dancefloor and we played music all night.

The year before I danced with Eric until dawn, but that year I wasn't feeling like staying all night long.

Eric promised he wouldn't disappear and I expected to see him that day since I hadn't had news from him since our break up. But he had been nowhere to be seen. That, added to the internal fight I had with my feelings for V, barely let me eat or sleep. It was consuming to be apart from V when what I really wanted inside was to be with him. But I had to stay strong on my determination. I wasn't willing to waver on that, but Bel was right about a thing: knowing V was alive, and somewhere out there, was tempting. It made harder to stay away.

There were too many thoughts haunting me at every hour, every minute of the day... Too many things that bothered me, that I didn't understand…

I decided I couldn't bear thinking for longer that day and I was about to get into bed when somebody knocked at my door and opened it right away.

Bel half entered the room, keeping her hand on the knob. At the very instant she laid her eyes on me, she furrowed.

“Don't tell me you were going to sleep already,” she spoke with clear disapproval in her tone.

“I'm not in a mood for parties today,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“What the actual hell are you saying?” She slipped inside the room, closing behind her, and approached me. “It's New Year’s Eve! It's time to celebrate we've avoided being killed one more year and kicked some fascists’ butts!”

I uttered a timid laugh and sighed. “For real, I don't feel like doing anything.”

“Are you down because Eric didn’t come?” Her features filled with pity.

I tilted my head. “A little,” I admitted. “But I can understand that maybe he needs more time... A week can’t be enough to move on,” I knew that better than anyone.

“He's an absolute cinnamon roll. Don't worry,” she placed a hand on my shoulder, reassuring. “He'll be around here smiling and being your friend in no time. You’ll see.”

I nodded, letting my gaze fall to the floor between us with a bit of guilt. She swayed me a little and breathed in, taking her hand away. Then, she exhaled, placing her fists on her hips.

“Anyway: you can’t stay here on a night like this. I forbid you to.”

I arched a brow and gave her a brief smile, raising my gaze to her again. She had been trying to improve my mood all week, but she didn’t accomplish much. The only thing that made me feel better for a while was focusing on the preparations for New Year’s Eve at the shelter and the reunions with the organization to discuss the actual situation. Everything seemed to have calmed down after the last riot, mostly because of the holiday, but Jeremy and his crew had been investigating further and there were rumours of a planned attack on January. We had to discover where and how, and be prepared to counteract it. At first, I was afraid that the attack would be that night, during New Year’s Eve, with so many people in the streets and crowed into enclosed spaces like clubs or pubs. It could be real hell, an easy target. However, Jeremy made sure that it wouldn’t happen on New Year’s Eve. According to him, the opposition cell wasn’t ready; they didn’t have the resources yet.

I felt like I could breathe again knowing that, but not for long. The memory of a resurrected ghost crushed my chest whenever I was alone and unoccupied, letting me no break from the pain.

“Maria and I knew you’d be gloomy today, just like this, so we’ve planned something special for tonight. And you, Lady Revolution, will shut up, come with us and have the fun of your life,” Bel inquired, pointing at me.

“I…”

“Shush,” she put her finger on my lips. “Just say you will.”

I grabbed her wrist, taking it away from my face. I knew she was capable of getting into full Patrick Swayze mode and recreate the Henry VIII scene from Ghost in my room if I refused to go. She did it to me once and I was sure she could do it again with no remorse. I didn’t want to end the year hearing her screeching.

“Fine. I will,” I relented, letting out a tired sigh. “Where are you two taking me?”

A devilish smile formed in Bel’s lips.

“To a masquerade ball.”

I didn’t deserve this. Maybe I had done some bad things in my life and caused pain, but I definitely didn’t deserve this. What was crossing these girls’ minds when they thought that taking me, a girl irremediably in love with a man in a mask, a man who casually was the main symbol of our revolution, to a masquerade ball? It was nuts. What was the point? Tore me completely?

I was sure it would be somebody using a Guy Fawkes mask there and I didn’t know if I could have fun catching a glimpse of it continually. The last thing I needed was a reminder of the man that still had my broken heart and, I began to suspect, also my entire soul. The only thing that was still mine was my body, this flesh prison because he never took that part.

As they said, it was the safest way to go out and have fun for a night without having trouble. I wasn’t the only visible face of the revolution. We, the four heads of the organization, were easily recognized and we had to be careful while out of the shelters, even more, ironically, when we weren’t on a demonstration or riot. So, when a friend of Maria told her about that party for New Year’s Eve, organized by a well-known club in London, she got really excited to go. She told Bel, and they planned this night out behind my back. The ball had been organized in a great mansion, used for events like that, in the middle of the city. It had belonged to a deceased member of the party and now it served for people’s enjoyment. Another thing we had to thank him… Another reminder for that night.

Jeremy, however, didn’t come with us. He wasn’t much of a party guy, so he stayed at the shelter with his boyfriend, Aiden, part of the organization too, both taking care of the celebration there. It was a shame not have him that night; he was the voice of reason for the group, the only one that reasonable sometimes. His tranquillity was which made him the great spy and hacker he was… His dramatism aside.

So, there we were, getting into the edification after paying at the entrance, all dressed up and unrecognizable.

They had even gotten me a dress for the occasion, showing how they had planned that night down to the last detail. When Bel got my dress out of her wardrobe, I knew there was no way I could retract myself and stay at the shelter. It was the most beautiful dress I would ever put on; I was certain. It almost seemed a bride dress, extremely beautiful as it was.

It was all white. The skirt fell to the floor as a beautiful and delicate waterfall, made of a semi-transparent tulle and lace decorated with simple flowers, so my legs could be seen through it. It was attached at the waist of a body, made of the same material, but thicker so it didn’t show any skin. The body, however, had a very pronounced V neckline that covered the strictly necessary and had no back.

I was already speechless when Bel showed me the mask that she had chosen. The mask was vaguely inspired by the Venetian ones. It just covered my eyes and seemed made of thick white lace, resembling the one used for the dress.

I didn’t know how she managed to get a dress like that, but she refused to tell me.

After Bel had made my makeup and hair, and I put on the dress and mask, I felt, in fact, concealed, and the inevitable thought popped up in my mind: was that the feeling V had, covered by his mask?

I kicked out the thought of my mind immediately. It was too soon to let my painful thoughts intervene in my night out. Dismissing this, I let them take me to the party.

To be honest, when we stepped inside the building, I felt a little anxious and out of place, within that luxurious building, but I decided it could be fun if I got to forget about the men in my life for a while. After all, we were kind of playing a role that night. We weren’t we at the eyes of the strangers there, and they weren’t they. It was the slogan of the party, so… They even put the rule to change your name for the night, which was perfect for us.

I advanced through the corridor that led to the hall, stepping on the carpet with my heels, with my friends by my side: Bel, all in red, and Maria, who had chosen black.

The main hall was enormous, all decorated with paintings and sculptures, and the great red carpet stopped right by a magnificent stairway made of marble. A giant chandelier hung from the ceiling, illuminating the place faintly, creating an almost intimate atmosphere. The music could be heard from there. Not waiting a bit, we started to climb the stairs, when a voice stopped us.

“Girls!”

I turned at the voice faster than ever. It didn’t matter if half of his face was covered by a mask or if he wasn’t wearing his usual clothes, replaced now by a frack… I recognized him.

I undid my way up, going downstairs, and crushed myself against his body, received by his open arms.

“Eric,” I muttered, relieved to see him.

Eric chuckled, hugging me tighter and even raising me from the floor for a moment. “I didn’t expect you’d miss me this much,” he said, genuinely surprised.

“Of course, I would! I was afraid you might have started to hate me.”

“I could never, darling,” he let me down and pulled back a little, without taking his hands of me, resting them on my forearms. Eric smiled fondly. “The girls have called me. They said you were having a bad day.”

I almost heard my heart crack. My eyes started to water and Eric seemed alarmed. I couldn’t believe he was taking our break up so well he even was strong enough to come to reassure me, and I was the one tearing from guilt.

“Evey, come on,” Eric murmured, his smile disappearing. “If it’s for what happened between us, I can assure you it’s fine. Really. I’m here, can’t you see? As I promised.”

I nodded, sniffling, holding back the tears. Bel would kill me if I ruined his artwork. Eric was too good for this world; I couldn’t believe he loved the wreckage I was.

“Let’s celebrate the beginning of this year, alright?” He said, taking his hands away but offering me his arm to grab. “Let’s have fun and forget about all the rest.”

“Alright,” I took his arm and we both walked to the girls, looking down at us with content smiles.

We made our way to the ballroom on the upper floor. It was as spacious as the rest of the mansion, with marble floor and the lights lowered so it felt more intimate. There were a couple of bars, one at each side, and the space for the orchestra at the bottom. We got ourselves some drinks, sitting on a couch for a while, talking.

Eric led me to the dancefloor at some point of the night and we danced for a whole hour until his mobile rang and he had to get out of the ballroom to answer. I waited for him to return and when he did, he excused himself, telling me that he had to attend a work thing. It made me a bit sad but I understood it. Eric kissed my cheek before leaving and I told him how happy he had made me with coming there. With a smile on his lips because of my words, he left.

I looked for the girls once he left, but I just found Bel dancing with some guy. I doubted about breaking the moment, so I had to interrupt their dance in the middle of the ballad. However, I tapped her shoulder and, when she turned and saw me, she excused herself really fast. She grabbed my arm and took me to a corner of the place.

“Where’s Maria?” I asked.

“She has been kidnapped by a few old friends she has bumped into,” she sighed. “She’s around here, somewhere. And… What about Eric? Where is he?”

“A co-worker called him for something. He had to leave.”

“What a shame,” she crossed her arms, “It’d have been nice if he had stayed.”

“I know,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Thank you, by the way, for calling him.”

Bel smiled, knowingly. “He texted me the day after you returned from Ireland. He insisted me to tell him whenever you weren’t at your best. As I’ve said, Eric is and will always be your friend. And now,” she uttered before I could be consumed by the sorrow, “we’re going to get some drinks because I’m really thirsty.”

We made our way through the couples dancing slowly to the bar. Bel was trying to get noticed by the bartender while I gazed at the people dancing, backed against the bar.

“Did you get his name?” I overheard the girl in the stool by my side, talking to the girl sitting by her side.

“No. He didn’t even give me a fake one,” the other one answered, downcast.

“Dana is on the hunt too. She calls him the Red Knight,” she laughed.

“If she gets him, she’ll be so lucky,” she pouted. “I’ve been talking with him for a while and it didn’t get anywhere. I thought this place would be full of fuckboys using the masks and the fake name thing to mess around, but he’s a true gentleman.”

“At least you’ve got your dance.”

“A dance with him on my bed is what I want,” she grunted.

“Shut up,” her friend hit her friendly on the arm. “You haven’t seen his face with the mask he has.”

“So what? I don’t care about how he looks. His voice and manners are everything. Look! There he is! Fuck, Dana is dancing with him. That’s it. It’s over for me.”

She pointed out somewhere on the ballroom, to a man dressed in a prince-like red suit, a cape and a musketeer hat with a golden feather. He had his face fully covered with a red and gold Venetian mask and his head with a dark short wig. He was dancing with that blonde girl, utterly beautiful and joyful. I looked at them for a moment and, then, my heart dropped to the floor.

For a brief second, I thought I would fall, my body shutting off like a machine that has stopped working. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. I wasn’t even sure if I was making it up on my head or it was what I thought. I didn’t even know how I had noticed so fast. I didn’t even know if it was possible to recognise somebody who you have never seen uncovered, covered in a way that wasn’t the usual, with reasoning already slightly drunk.

But the shape of his body —his narrow waist, his long legs, his shoulders, his height—, the way he swayed as he danced and the position he had when doing it… It was enough for me to know. And how those girls were talking about him… There was no other option.

Bel turned around with the drinks on her hands, and let out a sigh, half relieved, half exasperated.

“This boy has had more shots than he should while working. I’m sure,” she said.

I grabbed her arm, taking her away from there, spilling the drinks she held. Bel let out a “Hey! What the…?”, but I didn’t stop. When we were on a corner, and I spotted him from there among the crowd, still dancing with that girl, Dana, I turned to Bel.

“What’s gotten into you?” She protested.

I leaned in closer to her, not wanting to be heard by anybody else. “He’s here,” I whispered.

“He… Who?” Bel furrowed, looking at the empty glasses, slightly annoyed.

“He,” I insisted.

“Who?” She insisted too, gazing up to me.

I grunted and raised my hand with only two fingers stretched out. She looked at my hand, not understanding, her brain dizzy due to the drinks she already had. When she got it, her eyes lighted up with realization and gazed at me again, shocked.

“It can’t be,” she muttered and turned to the crowd dancing. “Where?”

I pointed out where he was. “Dressed in red. Venetian mask. Dancing with a blond girl dressed in violet.”

A sarcastic thought popped up in my mind after saying the colour. Of course, she was…

Bel looked at them for a moment, before turning to me again. “Are you sure?” She arched a brow. “He could be anyone.”

“Trust me.”

“But…” She gazed at them again. “How the fuck you know?”

“Because I know him to the core.”

“Do you want to leave?” She asked instantly, seeming sober again, all of a sudden.

“Girls! Girls!”

Maria appeared then, getting out of the crowd and approaching us with clear hurry in her face. She huffed once she reached us, her reddish curls bouncing as she bent forwards to breathe.

“There’s a guy around here… Women are calling him the Red Knight and I…”

“We know,” Bel cut her off.

Maria looked at us, startled. “How?”

Bel pointed at me. “She says so.”

“Well,” she furrowed, seeming a little confused. “I confirm it. I’ve been overhearing him talking and it’s him. Absolutely.”

I felt my hands start to tingle and a rush of blood making its way up to my head, making me feel dizzy. My mouth dried and my function of breathing disappeared. I backed against the wall and tried to collect my thoughts.

There was no way he was there for me. I knew he didn’t follow me anymore; I had stopped sensing his gaze on me. And he promised he wouldn’t intervene or try to protect me. I trusted his words, even after all. But… Why was he there, then? What was the point? He went out just for things related to the revolution. What that party had to be with that? Why was he dancing to random girls?

A jab crossed my chest. My heart was beating too fast… And I was starting to sweat cold. Bel put a hand on my shoulder, worried.

“Let’s go home, Evey,”

I gazed at her and my voice went out of my throat before I realized what I had said. “No,” I uttered firmly.

“What?” She asked, confused.

I straightened up, resting all my weight on my feet again. “Let’s act like he’s not here,” I didn’t know from which corner of my brain that words were coming from; probably from the drunken side. However, I said them anyway. “It’s impossible he’s here for me and we’re here to have a good time. I won’t let anything ruin it.”

“Evey,” Maria blurted out, starting to protest, “you’re still crying over him. You can’t be here as though nothing had happened.”

I pressed my lips on a thin line. “I’ll just ignore him. It won’t be difficult. He’s not in his habitual clothing.”

Maria crossed her arms. “But you’ve recognised him right away.”

“I don’t doubt your strength,” Bel added. “But you don’t have to put yourself through this. It’s just a party.”

“I don’t want to go.”

Bel's eyes fluttered open. “Tell me you aren’t going to talk to him.”

“No,” I shouted, outraged. “We parted ways. But I won’t hide like a scared puppy if I bump into him. He’s here; alright. I’m here too. And I want to be here.”

My two friends looked at each other, clearly not trusting my words. “You weren’t saying that a while ago. You didn’t want to come in the first place,” Bel said.

“I’ve changed my mind. I want to have fun for a night. And we’re not going to have a party like this again. It’s perfect.”

I didn’t feel what I was saying. I just went on, not knowing where I was going with that. Until that moment, I thought that I would never see him again, even after his resurrection. Silly me to think that. We both were still fighting for freedom. We were on the same side. He would be around, even if he hid to my eyes. Maybe he would be a shadow if he expected I would be at the same place as him, honouring his word on staying away. However, if he didn’t, he hadn’t had to hide.

But there are no coincidences. Only the illusion of coincidences.

V was there, apparently as a normal man. But we both knew he wasn’t. If he had shown up to an event like that, there had to be a very good reason.

“He knows something,” I said.

Both girls looked at me as if I went crazy at last. “What?” Bel uttered.

“He can’t be here for fun. There has to be something he knows we don’t.”

Maria pressed her lips, nervous, gazing at Bel sideways. “That makes sense, I guess,” she murmured, looking a little disturbed.

“I’ll take care of it,” Bel said right away. “I’ll talk to him and…”

I froze when I saw the aforementioned emerge from the crowd, walking towards us, and stopping right behind Maria and Bel. They probably saw my repressed reaction in my eyes and turned around.

V, as this new persona he had adopted, made a brief reverence and I stopped breathing.

“Mesdames,” he said, changing his voice, making it softer, and turned to Bel. “Milady, may I steal you from your companions for a dance? If you please.”

Bel turned her face to me for a second, searching for an indication, a confirmation, but I couldn’t move or talk. I felt like if I did, I would break into pieces right there, literally. She breathed in, gave the empty glasses to Maria and spun around, grabbing his arm.

“Sure,” she said and disappeared with him on the dancefloor.

Once I was alone with Maria, I buried my face on my hands. My head was spinning slightly, making me sense the hole in my chest pulsing with a stabbing pain.

“We can wait outside,” Maria left the glasses somewhere and put a gentle hand on my arm, reassuring.

“No,” I shook my head and raised my face from my hands. “I’ll just go to the bathroom to refresh myself a little. You go and have fun. Search your friends.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m alright. I promise.”

Maria didn’t seem convinced, so I gave her the best smile I could and, then, I slipped out of the ballroom.

I searched for the bathroom and when I found it, I stood in front of a mirror. I moistened my arms and nape and let out a long sigh.

How stupid I felt, thinking he would be alone at the Gallery, apart from the world. It wasn’t like I thought he would confine himself, as he was still a vigilante, a vaudevillian lurking through the shadows of the remaining tyranny, fighting for the believes that had kept him alive for twenty years. His revolution was what had kept him alive; it always had been.

It bothered me that he was so concealed, so impassive to see me and not flinch after what had happened between us. But nothing had happened between us, really. V said he was in love with me and that he didn’t lie in his last words. However, what if that was the words of a dying man or the illusion of a man who had been alone for too much time? I had been the only soul he had been in contact with for two decades. It was so easy to misinterpret one’s feelings in those conditions, and even more for V, who had been isolated and had forgotten all he was before Larkhill. V made himself anew, all by himself. He only had known hate and revenge before me. Feelings and communication weren’t his strong points.

Maybe he got better in that year. Maybe he had realised he had been wrong about his love.

It was the only thing I could come up to. I was here, breaking and about to cry, meanwhile, he was out there dancing just like that as if I was nothing to him. I wanted to be mad so bad… And I found myself unable to. Damned mind… Why was holding me back from an escape from that love? I wasn’t sure anymore of how much he had hurt me and how much I had hurt myself.

Confusion and need boiled my thoughts up, making my mind raise like foam inside me. I had to find a way to end up that sensation or it wouldn’t let me live. I had accepted I wouldn’t move on, wouldn’t stop loving him… But I had to have my mind clear, or I would go crazy. Maybe it would be easier, then. He had freed me; now I had to free myself.

But he was the only one who could help me. V had the answers I needed. And he was the man who had damned me and held back himself from me. It was barely impossible to make him talk. Nevertheless, I had to try. I had to face that pain once more. And I knew a dark part of me was searching for another brief moment with him.

I breathed in and got out of the bathroom, returning to the ballroom. I spotted Maria right away with her friends, even if she didn’t seem to be having the same amount of fun than before. I searched for Bel and V, but I just saw him, in a corner, with the girl I had overheard at the bar, trying to flirt with him.

Another stabbing pain crushed my heart and I recognised what it was this time: jealousy. I sighed to myself, not believing I was having those feelings right then. I ignored it, making a mental note to stay away from the alcohol from that moment on; it was doing me no favour that night. Then, I walked my way to him, trying to keep steady, even when my legs were shaking and my heartbeat was out of control.

I almost gave in to the temptation to run away once I was at a few steps from V, but I decided to accelerate, not giving myself a chance to accept that thought. V and the girl looked at me when I stopped in front of them. She gazed at me, clearly bothered, but I just smiled and looked at him, ignoring her.

“Sorry for making you wait. We can have this dance now,” I said, and then looked at her. “Excuse me, I think you’ll have to wait a little bit more.”

She was about to protest, but I grabbed V’s arm an took him to a corner of the ballroom, the most private place I could spot. Once we got there, I turned to him and I felt my determination waver.

I had acted impulsively. I hadn’t thought this well enough. It would shatter me. It would tear me more and I was giving him the chance to. I was stupid, definitely. But it was too late to run away, so I grabbed his gloved hand and placed another on his shoulder. V hesitated for an instant, and then took his hand to my waist. I shivered, feeling his warmth through the fabric, a wall between our skins. I could feel the tension of his body through my hand on his shoulder and it was kind of relieving that he, at least, showed some sing that my presence meant something to his feelings.

“I suspect you aren’t here for me, so you haven’t broken your promise. Don’t worry,” I said. “This time the blame is on me for coming to you.”

He kept his silence and the tension didn’t leave his muscles. I sighed and made him start to sway, slowly.

“Where’s Bel?” I asked, hoping he would talk then.

V took his time to answer, even before such a simple question. “Out. Somebody called her,” he said, softly, unsure.

“Why have you asked for her? Why are you here?” I spouted out before my voice failed at how I had missed the sound of his.

“Rumours,” he simply said. “I’m trying to get some information.”

“So, you’re not here to flirt?” I cocked my head a bit, smiling playfully, even if it ended up being a sad smile.

His breath caught at my words for a moment and he cleared his throat. “Obviously, no.”

“Well, I don’t know how your mission is going, but clearly you’ve been around here stealing a few hearts,” and mine was the first on the list.

He tensed up, even more, making me feel I was dancing with a marble statue. I sensed how uncomfortable he was even through his mask.

“I’ve told your friend everything your organization needs to know that doesn’t know already. You don’t have to replace her on this conversation,” V uttered, the frown in his voice strongly noticeable.

My heart cracked more. “Are you kicking me out?” I muttered, sounding sadder than I pretended.

V flinched and I felt certain shakiness in the hand that grabbed mine. “You made yourself clear the last time. If there is something that concerns the revolution, I’ll make it arrive to the organization without intervening in your path.”

I was about to protest, bothered that he was assuming things again, but then I realised that he was just keeping in mind my wishes. Even so, there was a wish as powerful as wanting him away, more powerful even: the wish of having him close. A wish I couldn’t have unleashed that night if it wasn’t for the few drinks I had in my system.

“I’m not here for that,” I said. “I needed to talk to you. About us.”

I noticed his surprise, but he said nothing, probably confused by my contradictory behaviour. That was fair. I didn’t even know what I was doing myself.

“I feel like you kept more to yourself than you said in our last conversation. And it’s been bothering me a lot.”

“I answered what you asked,” he responded, his voice soft, in an obscure way, “and disguised what you didn’t.”

“Well, now I need to ask again.”

“Why, Evey?” V whispered, sounding tired all of a sudden. “The past is locked now and I am there. Don’t unleash it if your desire is to move on.”

“You’ve lost your powers of observation if you really think you’re my past,” I uttered, feeling as sad as offended. “I can’t rip you off my chest. You’re within me forever. You made sure to do so, even if it wasn’t intended. I just expressed a need, but it wasn’t my real desire to push you away. You forced me to do it with your actions.”

V raised his head, his gaze probably above my head. “If what you need is to reprimand me again… I’m open to it. But you asked me to say goodbye to you and I’ll stick to that demand. I won’t bring anything that isn’t good for you.”

I furrowed, taking a deep breath. “How am I supposed to know if it’s good or bad something I haven’t heard yet? And how can you know? You don’t have a good record on doing things that you believe are good for me.”

“You told me I was assuming your needs through the lens of my mind,” he explained, the strange mask looking at me again. “But, as you’ve said, you expressed your needs for me to know. And I’m acting according to them.”

“But you won’t tell me anything now.”

“Because of this very reason, indeed.”

“And… What if my needs have changed?”

His breath caught. “Please, Evey…” He murmured, a strange plea lingering in his tone.

“I didn’t say goodbye,” I said, closing more the space between us.

V stiffed more and I saw the need to flee from there in the way his breath turned irregular. “Is that what you need? To say it?” He whispered and I felt his warm breath through the mask, awaking the butterflies of my stomach.

“It might be that,” I uttered. “But I don’t think I can. I could never.”

He looked at me, silent, trying to read me. However, I seemed to be as unreadable as he was to me.

“What do you want from me?” V said, barely.

There was no way I could respond to that. I didn’t even say out loud many of the things I wished; let alone tell him. But I wanted so many things I couldn’t have… Once, I thought I couldn’t have them because he was gone; now, because there was a wall between us. And how much I wanted to destroy that wall… I wanted to break it and cross its rubble and throw myself into his arms. I wanted to forget it all and find a future together, leaving behind what I was supposed to do about our relationship. I wished to unravel and strip him from his demons and have him unconcealed and real. I wished to give him my love without any barrier until all the pain we had suffered was totally blurred in our memories.

But I was alone in that regard and that was something I couldn’t change or force. I hoped that once I knew… I could let go some of that confusion.

“Let me ask you one single thing and I’ll go forever,” I said.

His chest raised in a deep breath. “I can’t promise an answer.”

“Let me try, at least.”

I awaited his response, and when he gave me a single nod, I took a moment for myself to collect my thoughts and admire what could be the last moment I had him so close.

“What do you feel for me right now?” I uttered, feeling thankful I didn’t choke midway on the sentence.

“I can’t answer that,” he said right away, so resoundingly that it made my eyes water as fast.

“Why?” I murmured fighting hard against my tears, holding them back.

“I’ve told you why,” V softened his tone, clearly aware of the reaction he had caused on me.

I bit my lip for a brief moment, feeling my nerves shaking. “And what if that’s what I need to move on?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure out another way,”

“This is the only way,” I declared.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you then.”

I snorted, not believing he was doing this. “You won’t. That’s very different.”

“I can’t,” he insisted, lowering his gaze.

“It’d be just a few words and it’ll be over.”

“If I say them, it won’t be. I’ll summon a reaction I can’t take.”

“I’ll go whatever you say,” I pushed it, desperate.

“I know that’s not true.”

It had been stupid. I had been stupid. Why did I have to break my own rules? Why did I have to approach him? I pushed him away for a justified reason… Why it was so hard for me to stay away? Why did he have to be so guarded?

I let him go, taking a step back, and he froze suddenly. “Alright. Forget it. I won’t bother you anymore,” I muttered, “I… I’ll go now.”

“Evey,” he called me, but I was stepping away already.

I rushed off the ballroom and started to walk downstairs, my tears unleashed. It was then when I noticed he was following me. Once at the deserted hall, he caught me and stopped me, standing before me, without grabbing me.

“This is following, you know?” I blurted out, avoiding his gaze.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, slightly breathlessly. “Maybe my powers of observation are not at their best. But you have to understand my confusion: you told me to stay away for good and then you come to me. I tried to act by my resolution and it hurt you; I act now under yours, and it hurts you too.”

V was right. He wasn’t being mean. He was following the path I dictated, away from me, keeping all things for himself alone. I was the one being incoherent.

“You’re not hurting me this time. I’m doing this to myself,” I breathed out, crossing my arms over my chest. “It’s my thing to deal with. So… Just forget it.”

I was about to take another step, but he stopped me again, avoiding it. I took one backwards, not wanting to touch him, knowing I’d burst into tears if I did.

“I can’t answer your question, but I…” V said in a sorrowful husky tone. “I can listen.”

I looked at him. “As much as you can’t answer my question, I can’t tell you this,” I furrowed, sighing falteringly. I just wanted to bury myself in my bed and disappear. “I… I’ve been drinking too much. I’m being incoherent. You… Just forget this has happened.”

He stood still then, when I stepped away from him and didn’t make a move at first.

“I’ll exchange a truth for a truth.”

My feet got fixed to the floor under them at his voice. Slowly, I turned around, gazing directly to the eyes of the red mask. I let out a broken pant.

I was about to talk when I heard the tone of my mobile, breaking the moment. I hurried to raise the skirt of my dress, reaching the elastic fastener on my thigh, where I had the phone. I picked it up fast when I saw Eric was calling. I sniffled and cleared my throat before answering, not wanting for him to know I had been crying.

“Eric?” I answered.

“You have to get out of there,” he said, sounding rushed, “right now.”

“What?” I muttered, confused. I could hear the acceleration of his car in the background.

“There’s a bomb in the building. Get out, now!” Eric pleaded and inquired me at the same time.

My blood froze and a terrible shiver ran down my spine. However, my body moved before materializing the thought that crossed my mind, and I walked past V and rushed upstairs.

“Maria and thousands of people are inside, still!” I protested, “I won’t get out before…”

“I don’t know how much time there’s left!” He cut me off, scared. “Please, Evey…!”

“I can’t,” I shouted. “I’ll be safe, promise. Bye.”

I hanged when I was midway. Everything that was happening a minute after had vanished from my mind, the fear and the urgency occupying all my thoughts. I was searching with my gaze the fire alarm, spotting it near the door of the ballroom. However, two hands grabbed me, lifting me up from the marble steps.

V was going downstairs with me in his arms before I could react. But, when I reacted, I reacted fast and without thinking much. I gave him an elbow on his chest, making his grip around me get lose, enough for me too struggle once and make him drop me. Maybe my reaction was due to the combination of the alcohol in my system and the fact that my rushed mind couldn’t process that that man in red was V at that moment, but I just had one thing in mind then and couldn’t be slowed down. There were lives in danger, more important than mine alone.

I heard him cough; I ignored it. I rushed upstairs and hit the alarm’s button, triggering a sound that reached all the building and activating the fire extinguishers.

People started to scream and rush off the ballroom, wet and nervous, going downstairs and getting out of the building. I stayed by the door, trying to spot Maria or one of her friends. However, everybody went out and I didn’t see her. I suspected she would have been among the crowd and I hadn’t noticed, so I got out of the building too.

Everybody was crowded in the street, too close to the building and I started to get nervous. We had to move them away so when everything exploded there wasn’t any wounded. I was desperately searching for Maria or Bel, needing to organize ourselves fast. When I caught a glimpse of Bel’s red mask, searching too above all the heads, I called her among the crowd. She found me with her gaze then and rushed to me, running.

She hugged me for a brief moment. “I’m so glad you’re alright. Where’s Maria?” She said.

“I don’t know. She has to be around here.”

“Wasn’t she with you?” She uttered, worried.

“No,” a stab of guilt crossed my heart. “We have to move everyone to a safe place. There’s a bomb about to explode inside.”

“I know. I was talking to Eric when his partner told him about the warning. He’ll be here in no time.”

“Perfect. Can you start to move everybody? I’ll try to find Maria and we’ll go to help right away.”

“Okay,” she grabbed my hand, squishing it. “Be safe.”

“Same.”

We ran towards two opposite directions then, focusing on our missions. I looked for Maria for a few minutes, but soon I realized that she was nowhere to be seen and a terrifying realization hit me.

She was still inside.

I didn't even think about it. I ran towards the building, grabbing the skirt of my dress to go faster, getting inside and crossing the place until arriving at the ballroom.

“Maria!” I shouted, panting and cleaning the water that fell on my face, feeling my chest heavy with worry and stress. “Maria!”

I looked over the place, my heels tapping on the pool that was the floor now. I was about to get out to search on the bathrooms when I heard a muffled cry behind the bar. Rushing over there, I found Maria gagged, handcuffed and beaten on the head, bleeding.

“Maria!” I called her brokenly, on the verge of tears, jumping over the bar.

She looked at me and screamed something through her gag, terror in her eyes.

I was untying the gag when she looked over me and screamed my name. I had no time to turn around; something pointy was stabbed on my forearm. I cried out and turned to see a fully masked woman with a syringe in her hand. She started to run away and I jumped again over the bar, throwing a glass in her direction, hoping to hit her and stop her escape. I wanted to follow her, but the thought of Maria and the bomb stopped me.

I was going to get her when my heart beat once really painfully and I leaned over, letting out a harsh pant. Sudden dizziness hit me, making me fall on my knees.

“Evey!” Two hands grabbed me by the arms. Leathered hands. Roses perfume.

He was there. V was there.

“Take her out,” I pleaded V, fighting against whatever that woman had injected me.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice trembling.

“Take her out!” My head was starting to burn.

I heard my name again. Bel. Bel was there too. I felt her kneeling right beside me. I felt a change of touch on my body. Soft hands. Trembling ones. She was holding me now. I couldn’t open my eyes.

“The woman that knocked me down and tied me has injected something on her,” I heard Maria explain between a couple of sobs.

I panted, feeling nauseous. I bent down, thinking I was about to vomit. Bel put her wet hand on my forehead.

“You’re too warm,” she uttered shakenly.

The sound of boots approaching me resounded through my discomfort and I felt Bel embracing me.

“You’re not touching her,” Bel screeched, protective.

“We have to take her to the nearest shelter,” V said roughly.

“She needs a hospital.”

“Nobody can help her there,” he answered, nervous. “We’ll lose precious time of reaction if we get into this senseless quarrel. And we’ll be dead soon if we don’t move.”

Bel stiffed; I felt it. However, then I sensed how V wrapped me with his cape and lifted me in his arms. I stirred at the movement, sensing another wave of strong dizziness. And it got worse when they started to run towards the exit. The movement of V’s body running made me whimper a few times. My forces were totally gone and the pain was greater at every minute that passed.

It felt like an eternity until I noticed how V laid me down on a soft surface. I was almost gone then, absolutely sure I was going to die. My extremities had been hurting for long until I stopped sensing them. The rest of my body was extremely cold, but not strong enough to shake, and my head was clouded to the point I didn’t know if I was still thinking. The air seemed too heavy on my lungs; I couldn’t bear it. My heart was slower now, barely noticeable.

I was about to die. I was so sad…

“Take me to wherever you keep the medicines,” I heard V say, rushed.

“Do you know what you are doing?” Bel muttered.

“Yes. I know some things about chemicals.”

“Fine,” she said.

“V…” I whispered, but he was gone.

I felt the hot tears caressing my nose septum, searching for a way down my face. I didn’t want that he left. I needed him. I didn’t want to go without feeling him near. I couldn’t believe I had pushed him away. We could have had three weeks together… We could have had more even. I could have shared him with his revolution… Why it had to be like that? Why did he have to be so oblivious? Why did I have to be so stubborn?

I blamed everything possible for my sorrow. I blamed the country, Norsefire, Larkhill, Delia, V, the revolution, Bel, me myself… I blamed everything that had kept us apart. But there was nothing to do now… And death was so quiet… I thought it would be so painful, so messy… But I was just falling unconscious slowly, very slowly…

Boots. Rushed boots. Steps following. Gloved hands on me.

“V…” I whispered again; my voice was so low…

“Don’t talk, Evey,” I heard him say, gentle but worried. I felt the pressure of a needle stuck in my arm, but I couldn’t feel pain anymore. Just cold. I was so cold…

“I’m so cold, V… I’m sorry…”

“Please, don’t talk,” I felt him the removing the needle.

“V… Hold me, please…” I pleaded, crying, but unable to sob. “Please…”

I heard Bel sobbing in the background. I felt V lifting my body, resting it on his lap, and embracing me. He held me gently. My ear was against his chest. I felt his warmth. He was so warm… His heart was beating fast. What a sweet way to go, hearing V’s heart.

“I’m sorry… I can’t stay…”

“No,” he declared, his hand raised to caress my cheek and my hair. “You’ll be fine.”

“I won’t… I’m not here anymore…”

I heard his breathing catch, his chest tightening. How I wished I could feel my hand still and caress his mask, his neck… I tilted my head against his arm and I used my last energies to half open my eyes, seeing him for the last time. I didn’t matter if I couldn’t see his true face… He was V. My V. The feeling of his gaze on me was enough.

“V…” I smiled how I could.

“Evey…” He uttered, the tears sounding in his voice, caressing my cheek with his thumb. “Fight, please… You have to live.”

“Sorry…” I felt that I had so little time left. My body was starting to get fully numb. “I’m so sorry… I pushed you away…”

“Don’t be,” he whispered, bending down to me, his mask nearer to my face. “But, please, I beg you… Don’t leave…”

“I don’t care…About all…” I muttered, closing my eyes, releasing my last tears. “I…”

“Stop talking, Evey… Stop,” He was crying again. I couldn’t bear it.

“Don’t tell me… What to do… Stupid…” I furrowed sadly.

I heard him utter a broken sob. I had to say it. It was my last chance. My last breath.

“I love you, V… I’ve always loved y…”

My voice failed me. The darkness was already here. I heard V calling my name from far away.

“Get out of the room!”

“Wh…”

“Get out, please!”

I was glad that his voice was the last thing I would hear… It made me forget about the guilt I felt.

“God… Forgive me…”

I felt a soft warmth on my mouth, like air and fire intertwined, battling, before my life slipped away in the darkness of that wretched night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> I've got to post this weekend, in the end. <3 I don't know when I'll have the next one ready, but I think it'd be within this week. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoyed the drama.
> 
> See you soon! xx


	7. Unaware I'm tearing you asunder; there is thunder in our hearts

I woke up a few times because of an attack of retching. Instinctively, when it happened, I turned around towards the edge of the bed, vomiting. Every time, I felt hands holding me, holding my hair, and a sweet but deep voice reassuring me. However, I had no energy to think, recognize the voice or open my eyes to see who was by my side. When the vomiting ceased, I laid down again, consumed by a sharp headache and the heavy pain that devoured my body. I wasn’t fully awake, then.

A few hours passed between this half-conscious state, spent sleeping deeply, and the moment when I had enough energy to open my eyes, surpassing the discomfort. I saw the moonlight entering through a window, covering the room with a melancholic appearance. I saw a Rolling Stones poster on the pink wall and a portable game console on the nightstand. I sighed, closing my eyes again, trying to soothe the pain that brought opening them, even for just those few seconds. I was in Maria’s room in her shelter. I noticed too that I had an intravenous drip in my hand and electrocardiogram monitor connected to my chest.

It took me another while of confusion to start to recall. I had to put memories together really slowly, as they came: I was on my room on my pyjamas… Then, the dress… The masquerade ball… Eric… V… The syringe… And dying on V’s arms.

I was… Alive?

I didn’t know how, but the fact was that I survived. And I would have woken up, leaving that bed right away, if it wasn’t because I couldn’t. Instead, I laid down, there, confused. I remembered dying… It was a bit blurry on my memories, but I could remember most of it. My heart ached at the thought of V’s voice pleading, crying under his mask. I had the vague memory of telling him I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if I said it at last or it had happened only in my dying mind.

He had saved me, once more. Even if I didn’t see it, I knew he had counteracted the drug that that woman had injected me with something he had created in a rush. He asked Bel for medicines… It had to be that.

Where was he now? I needed to see him. I felt the mighty need to feel him again, holding me. I wanted to thank him and say how sorry I was for everything.

My heart skipped a beat when the door opened slightly and I got to open my eyes again. Bel’s ones found me among the faint darkness.

“Evey!” She rushed to me, sitting by my side on the bed. She put her hand on my forehead, making me notice how hot I was against her skin, which seemed cold as ice. “How do you feel?”

“Very sick,” I answered, barely, and with a voice so deep and rough that didn’t even seem mine, “and weak.”

“No heaving? Dizziness? Numbness?” She asked, her eyes shining with extreme worry.

I shook my head, denying it, and she let out a sigh of relief and took her hand off me.

“Well, that’s good,” Bel said and grabbed a water bottle from the nightstand, opening it. “But you have to drink a lot of water now. Your system has to expel the drug after the overdose.”

“Overdose… So that was what it was,” I murmured.

“Yeah, but it’s not the moment to talk about that.”

She helped me to lie back a bit and handed me the bottle. My extremities were stiff and my back felt like if I had been beaten with a baseball bat. I held the bottle with my free hand and drank a few brief sips, feeling the fever soothed.

“You’re going to kill me one day, Evey” she grunted with her eyes watering, “for real.”

“I had to save Maria,” I breathed out, “I wasn’t expecting somebody to attack me from behind,” I murmured, my voice clearer because of the water. Then, a sudden fear hit me. “Is everybody alright? The bomb exploded at last?”

“Everybody is okay,” Bel assured me in a soft tone. “And yes, the bomb did explode. There’s barely anything left of the building.”

A shiver ran down my spine. “Is Eric alright too?”

Bel tilted her head, her eyes looking away for a second. “I guess,” she answered, not sure. “I haven’t contacted him today. I was too occupied making sure you didn’t stop breathing.”

“Can you check if he is, please?” I pleaded, hoping he wasn’t hurt. He was there, after all.

“Okay, but now…” She furrowed. “Can we talk about your suicidal tendencies? I told you to be safe, goddammit! And you’ve been killed, almost! You would’ve kicked the bucket for real if it wasn’t because of…” Bel stopped in the middle of her scolding.

I gazed at her. My heartbeat accelerated at the memory of V, making me discover that even my chest hurt. The machine showed how my beats were getting out of control and I felt really embarrassed.

“Is he around here?” I muttered, hopeful.

Bel sighed. “No. He left when made sure you’d be fine. He has stayed the whole day, however; and made me promise I’ll inform him about your state as soon as you woke up.”

My disappointment was visible in my expression, so Bel approached to caress my shoulder.

I pleaded him at the death’s door to hold me… I had shown him my feelings and he had left… Again. He should have realized that telling him that I loved him in my deathbed was a way of retracting my words and my petition for him to stay away from me. Now I was sure he cared more about me than I thought the night before, after the way he had acted to save me, but… Why had he left?

“Can you tell me what happened exactly? I can’t remember it all,” I said, hoping she would give me an answer.

“What’s the last thing you can recall?” She said, shifting a little.

“I remember everything, but there are some holes. My memory is blurred after arriving here.”

Bel sighed. “You want to know what he did, right?”

I shifted, burying myself in the pillows. It was scary sometimes how she could see through me like my skin and muscles were made of the most transparent glass. If only V could read me that well…

“Yes,” I admitted with a faint voice.

Bel wasn’t the most objective person in the matter of talking about V. Nevertheless, she was the only one there aside from him, while I was dying, that could tell me what I couldn’t remember. And I needed to know, suspecting the truth I was searching for the night before, was on his actions. He might have revealed something by accident once more and, at that very moment, I didn’t care if I didn’t receive that truth through his own words. I just needed to know.

She let out another sigh, this one heavier, tiredness radiating all through her. There was a strong emotion in her eyes like she was apologizing for something in the silence of the room. Bel looked away, seeming ashamed.

“I can’t talk about last night without saying how sorry I am first,” she said in a tone full of sorrow.

I furrowed, confused. “Sorry for what?”

“For being too hard on you because of the way you feel about him,” she gazed at me, her eyes shining with a silent apology. “There’s still a lot I can’t comprehend about him, many grey lines I still see very black… But I think I saw something last night, something you saw when you met him, that made me understand you better. Since the very first time you told me about your feelings, I’ve been treating you like you had Stockholm syndrome or something but… I was wrong. Last night I saw the connection between you two. And it was real.”

I wasn’t able to talk right then, shocked as I was for her sudden change of mind. However, and even when I was eager to fill the lapses of my memory, I waited for her to go on with her apology.

“And I realized I’m nobody to judge the things we do for this revolution. I’ve done everything he has done: stealing, disobeying, fighting, plotting… Everything, except killing and extorting. Maybe I’d be like him if went through the same as he did… Maybe I’d renounce to my human side for the sake of a freer tomorrow too,” Bel gazed down, her hands interlacing in her lap. “The thing is I don’t feel like judging him anymore for the things he has done. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. None of us could have saved you if he hadn’t been here,” the effort she was doing to hold back the tears was visible; she just sniffled a couple of times. “I’m not saying I’m fine with all he had done to you, but I won’t say a thing against him ever again. It’s your thing to decide.”

My heart was inevitably getting out of control, but I didn’t care. I was too moved, too shocked, to care about the sound of those crazy beeps.

“Please, I need to know what he has done to make you change your mind this fast,” I said, almost pleading.

Bel rose her head, looking at me with a renewed expression, seeming more collected after confessing.

“When we arrived,” she began, turning her body to face me, a hint of anguish from the memory returning to her gaze, “he asked me to take him to the place where we had the medicines, so I took him to the infirmary. Once there, he went kind of crazy, searching through the medicines, creating a real mess. He grabbed some and messed with them, preparing something on a syringe. And, I can tell you, he was totally shaking… He couldn’t even put the liquid he had prepared on it. He rushed up here when he got the liquid in and injected it on you.”

Her expression turned darker and she made a pause. I could remember the pressure of the syringe on my arm.

“You were so weak then… But you managed to ask him to hold you,” she said, her tone husky now. “He did and he pleaded you to stay, to fight... You were rambling, kind of, and you told him you loved him. Then,” her voice broke a little, and she had to stop for a moment, “you fainted. You stopped breathing and your heart stopped too. He noticed at the very moment; I don’t know how. He put you on the floor and asked me to get out of the room.”

A shiver made all my body shake. I could remember some of that. I could remember V shouting, pleading, for her to get out.

“I didn’t want to,” she explained, the confusion of the memory returning to her gaze, “I didn’t understand why he was asking me to. So, I didn’t. But I turned around when I saw him practically tearing off his mask and throwing it to a side. He…”

I thought my heart had stopped again at her words.

“Wait, wait,” I cut her off, with my voice higher than usual. “He took off his mask?”

She looked at me in awe. “He had to, to reanimate you,” she explained.

No. My heart hadn’t stopped. It had accelerated, making the machine go crazy at my heartbeats. I took my free hand to my lips, recalling the last sensation I had: warmth and hot air.

V had performed the CPR on me.

No wonder my chest hurt. However, I was too shocked by the fact that he had uncovered his face to save me and that his lips had been on mine. His real lips.

“Are you alright, Evey?” Bel asked, seeming worried, looking at the machine.

“I think I’m having another heart attack,” I breathed out.

“I can see that.”

I couldn’t believe it. I grunted, covering my face with my hands. I didn’t know if I was feeling more stupid or excited at her retelling of the events.

“I wasn’t over, by the way.”

I uncovered myself, looking at her. Pressing my lips on a thin line, I waited for her to continue, knowing it would probably end me.

“When your heart started to beat again, he… I’ve never seen somebody do a sound like that. He let out a cry of pure relief, of joy,” she added, “He made us bring these things from the infirmary,” she pointed at the monitor and the drip, “and then spent hours by your side, making sure your body was warm enough, checking you were breathing and your pulse was fine. He didn’t leave until the retching stopped and he was sure you were safe.”

I was frozen for a moment, processing her words, before I burst into tears. I had been so stupid…

Bel approached me, hugging me, careful not to touch the tube of the serum. She started to cry too, sobbing against my shoulder, caressing my curls.

“I am so sorry, Evey,” she sobbed. “I thought I was being a good friend, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t looking for your happiness… I was just following a morally correct path. And I almost lost you… I was so afraid to lose you… I’m sorry…”

I hugged her tighter, all I could with one hand free. We stayed like that for a while, until she pulled back, drying her tears with the sleeve of her sweater. Bel sniffled and we both looked at each other, letting out an embarrassed laugh at the other’s face.

“I thought I had more reasons to blame him that I had to thank him,” she said then, “but I am more thankful, definitely … If he hadn’t started this, I would be an abused daughter of a rich man still, trapped in the system. I wouldn’t have fought for my freedom and I wouldn’t have met you or all the beautiful people that fight by our side,” she smiled. “I’d have to continue standing Jeremy because he’s my cousin, but whatever…” Bel rolled her eyes and I laughed.

She grabbed my free hand, kissing it, and I laughed happily at her gesture. Bel gazed at me with bright eyes, full of gratefulness.

“Maybe he made you suffer, but thanks to that I met you. And everybody causes pain without intending it at some point,” she said, putting a brief smile on her face. “I thought he was a sociopath and a psycho… But, last night, what I saw was a man… A peculiar man, I have to say, but a man. A broken man, so in love with you…” She sighed, her expression turning more serious. “But you are the one who has the last word. There’s a lot of things to consider if you want to change your path with him, but… I think he loves you for real and, considering what I’ve seen, I don’t know if this revolution is more important for him than you are anymore.”

I breathed out, my chest aching at the movement. I wasn’t sure what I would do, even if my wishes were clear as water. V was taking my last petition on him very seriously and he wouldn’t come to me.

“I still have to think about it.”

I was sleeping when the notice arrived.

I woke up to the sound of the door opening and my senses awoke when I saw Bel crying uncontrollably at the doorstep. She approached, almost falling on the bed with me. I was terribly scared by that sudden reaction, but I was unable to say anything.

“Eric’s dead,” she cried out, sobbing. “He…”

My world seemed to break at her voice. I asked her for an explanation, placing my hands on her shoulders, shaking her. My body felt cold again, not because of a drug this time… A sharp fear crossed my whole being.

“He was inside the building…” It was the only thing she managed to say.

But I didn’t need more. I felt my soul breaking in two, torn without compassion. I joined her cries at the very moment, my heart shattering, cracking into million pieces. I didn’t want to accept he was gone. However, my body couldn’t stop the weeping and the pain that such truth brought.

Eric was with the antibomb squad when they entered the building to find the explosives; we didn’t know why he did such a thing. They didn’t find it in time and none of them had survived.

I cried for hours over his death. I even tried to get up to go to his funeral the day after, but my body wasn’t strong enough. The guilt was heavy on me, the painful thoughts haunting me at every moment… I felt like I had wasted his time, his last year of life… If I had been less selfish… If I hadn’t been so attached to V…

But it was senseless to blame myself. I couldn’t return him to life. I couldn’t erase what had been done. However, I couldn’t stop thinking he deserved to be alive more than I did.

It took me a whole week to be strong enough to convince my friends to take me before his tomb. I needed to say goodbye, at least. I needed to tell him I would never forget the last smile he gave me, the last dance we shared.

I put a bouquet of white flowers on his tomb and cried there for a while. It was so hard to say goodbye, every time the death took somebody away from me… But it was necessary. Life wasn’t fair sometimes.

Before leaving, I made Eric a silent promise: that I would take that second chance God had given me and follow my heart at last.

Nevertheless, I kept mourning him for a few weeks still, until January was almost over. During those weeks, I didn’t feel like thinking about me and V, not because I didn’t want to, but because I felt like it was disrespectful towards Eric. Even if I wasn’t in love with him, I loved him as a friend, as a faithful companion. And I needed to feel less sad to think about my next step.

It happened the last week of the month, after a day of hard work at the shelter. I was getting ready for dinner in my room, but I had some time still before I had to go downstairs. So, I stood by the window, gazing at the dark fields, caressed by the moonlight, moving at the soft wind of that night.

After almost dying, and losing another friend, the barriers that I had built between V and me had wavered, until they crumbled. I didn’t need to ask him for his feelings; I knew now that he still loved me. And I knew I might be more important for him than the revolution now. It was an irrevocable truth that I wanted to be with him, but there were still some things that were unclear.

Even if I took the risk to return to him, would he open up to me? Would he take the risk too? He just opened up in extreme situations or by accident. And he was extremely stubborn. If he still thought that he could hurt me in any way, he would refuse to have any kind of relationship. That situation was our shared fault, his for triggering my pain and mine for being so convincing in pushing him away. He had my words etched in his mind and they wouldn’t be easy to erase. And his own perspective of himself was our worst enemy.

Even so, I knew I had to follow my true desires. That experience of being so near to death had reminded me that life was brief and there was no time to lose. I had done what I thought was right when he returned, but it didn’t feel right anymore. The night of the masquerade ball had changed a lot of things and half opened a door, which I needed to try to open fully. It was my desire to do so. It had always been.

I slipped off the room, going to Bel’s one. I opened her door without knocking, finding her in a facial mask and her dressing gown. She jumped, startled, at the sudden intrusion.

“Do you still have the white dress?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! <3
> 
> This chapter was calmer and shorter, but just because I'll post the next one tomorrow or the next day. I've been working this week in both because I wanted to post them one after the other (and chapter 8 it's been a lot of work). I just can say... Brace yourselves... Reunion is coming.
> 
> See you very soon! <3


	8. Take my hand, erase the past forever; my love is you

I left the quad parked behind the abnormal amount of weed that had grown in that plot in ruins over the years. Then, I made my way to the old rusty door on one of the remaining walls of the train station that had been there, a long time ago. Once I checked I hadn’t been followed or noticed, I half opened the door with difficulty, the aged material creaking in protest, and I slipped inside. When I closed it behind me, everything around me sunk into the darkness. I shined the place before me, turning on the little torch I had on the pocket of my jacket, facing a dusty spiral staircase. I walked down, careful at every step I took, the sharp coldness of the underground harboured already in my body. I descended until I arrived at the abandoned platform, crossing another dusty door at the end of the staircase. I jumped off it, falling on the rails, and started to follow them, going deep into the tunnel.

My heart was pounding faster and faster as I approached the Shadow Gallery and the butterflies on my stomach weren’t letting me think clearly. I was repeating on my mind what I needed to say and prepared some comebacks, just in case I needed them. Everything I was about to do was a risk, even coming back to his home. I had returned it to V, but I wasn’t completely sure he was living there again. I supposed he was since it had been his home for so long and had all his belongings in it.

I was so nervous my hands were sweating and my legs were starting to tremble, and not because of the temperature. Through all the way, I was breathing in and out, eager to see him, preparing myself for what I was about to face. I knew he would resist. I knew he would be reluctant and, in the worst-case scenario, he would try to push me away. I couldn’t accept any of that; I had to push him a little. The idea wasn’t pleasant, but the situation obliged me to be a bit pushy. V had a high wall before him, where he hid, and I had to try to break it with all of me. I just hoped that I wouldn’t have to do that way back, down the tunnels, to return to the shelter, my heart having been defeated by the very man that owned it. My only wish was that that night ended up with him and me together at last.

When I arrived at the platform where the train to the Parliament had been a year ago, a terrible shiver took over me. The last time I had visited the Shadow Gallery, I had entered for the other possible entrance, avoiding that place. However, it had been necessary to use this one that time. I hadn’t been on that platform since the day I had lost him and even sunk into the darkness, I could recognize the horrors that it hid. At least, for me.

I climbed to the platform and walked to the door that led to the tunnels under the city. Even if I had walked that way only once, I remembered how to arrive at the Gallery’s door. However, I stopped in the middle of the way, when I recognized the tunnels that were near it.

I stood on a bit of the floor that wasn’t dirty or wet and left my backpack down. I breathed in and out once, bracing myself for the cold I was about to feel. Then, I started to undress as fast as I could, cursing under my breath and hoping with all my body and soul that he was inside the Gallery —if he was there—. I hadn’t prepared any explanation in the case he found me there while returning home through the tunnels, undressed and with just my knickers on. There was no way I could make myself taken seriously after such a reunion.

That was the reason —aside of the cold— why I hurried to take my clothes off and the white dress out of the backpack, putting it on fast. It had been a stroke of luck that the dress Bel got me for New Year’s Eve hadn’t been ruined by the crazy night that had been. And, also, it had been perfect that she hadn’t thrown it away. I really loved that dress and I was sure that it had to be part of my plan that night.

I put my heels on, brushed my hair with my fingers and closed the backpack, lifting it from the floor by the little handle on its top. I had to stand there for a whole minute, breathing, clearing my mind, before advancing any more.

When I stood before the round blinded door of the Shadow Gallery, I bit my lip, feeling extremely self-conscious, but the cold didn’t let me think much about my embarrassment. There were a lot of metal bars on it and I knew that they had to be slid back in a certain order and not all of them. Luckily, my nervousness hadn’t affected my memory yet. I slid them fast because I thought that it would be better than do it slowly. He would notice anyway, considering his perfected senses.

Once I opened it and pushed it, I saw the light inside and my heart accelerated: he was there. I got inside, closing behind me, turning the knob that secured it again outside. The warmness of the place hit me, making feel already embraced by it. Leaving the backpack on the entrance, I walked slowly to the hall, ready to see him at any moment. However, he wasn’t there.

A stab of disappointment crossed my chest, but I let of a sigh, knowing I had a bunch of seconds more to get ready. I looked around, noticing that the pain that had caused me the last visit was no longer there. The place seemed to come alive with the knowledge that V was too. It didn’t seem a tomb anymore. It just felt like coming home after a long, long trip… A lonely trip I hoped it ended that night, just to start another one, this time by his side.

I approached the Wurlitzer and gazed down at the songs, smiling lightly to myself. I had missed that machine. Then, I heard the sound of a shower being turned off in the background, as the pipes protested with a screeching sound. He had taken too long to turn it off, so I supposed he hadn’t noticed he wasn’t alone anymore.

I supposed he didn’t wander around the Gallery with his mask on if he was alone, so I had to warn him somehow. I wouldn’t have minded if he showed up without it; I loved him anyhow, but I knew he wasn’t inclined to show me his face and I respected it. I looked over the songs and my mind got saturated for a moment, wanting to choose fast but choose correctly too. I ended up playing If I Had You by Etta Jones.

The sound of the door of his room didn’t take long to arrive, after the slow rhythm of the ballad filled the place. I stood there, leaned on the Wurlitzer, waiting, counting every slow step he made through the corridor until he stopped.

I straightened up and breathed in once more, expecting to seem more collected than I felt because inside I was a complete mess of emotions. Feeling ready, I turned around slowly.

V has under the entrance arch of the hall, motionless and with his eyes fixed on me, with no seeming intention to take another step. I gathered enough energy to give him a timid smile and not show how nervous I was, holding back the need to run to him and enclose him in my arms. It seemed an eternity since the last time I felt him near.

“Evey,” he gasped, his astonishment clear in his voice. “What…” He stumbled. “What are you doing here?”

I took a few slow steps towards him, stopping in the middle of the space between us, hoping he would join me soon.

“I wasn’t happy with how our last dance turned out,” I explained, trying to sound joyful, “and I hoped you’d help me amend it.”

V continued with his feet fixed on his place, not making a single move. I didn’t get more nervous yet, because I knew he didn’t expect that meeting at all.

“Would you dance with me?” I asked, feeling a rush of feelings that that question awaked in me, bringing a bittersweet memory.

My heartbeats got out of control when he started to come closer, stepping cautiously, stilling before me. I gazed up to him, controlling the need to pull him to me and kiss him right then. My body tingled at his closeness and his roses scent embraced me, making my mind soar to a state of pure emotion.

“Would you, V?” I asked again, softly, my voice failing me already.

I heard him sigh under the mask and look down, to the brief space between us. He rose his gloved hand a bit, touching mine, barely, so gently it made me shiver. He passed his thumb over my knuckles, caressing them softly. I watched him do this, being patient, not completely understanding what he intended, but enjoying his slight touch. Eventually, V returned his gaze to me, his mask lifting from our hands.

“You…” He whispered in a husky tone.

“What?”

“You are real,” V said; however, it sounded like a question.

I chuckled a little, mostly because of the nervousness. “I think I am, yes.”

V said nothing. He just looked at me while the song went on and I knew he was in awe or in shock, and he wouldn’t make the first move. So, I grabbed his hand properly, feeling the heat of his skin through the glove, and drove my hand through his arm, until I reached his shoulder. V tensed up under the touch of my fingers, letting out an almost inaudible gasp.

“Why are you here?” He muttered, confused.

“I’ve told you. I’m here to dance,” I answered, taking the lead and grabbing his other hand on mine. I tilted my head a bit, gazing down for an instant, before looking at the dark eyes of the mask again. “And it’d be nice if I don’t dance alone.”

V seemed to go along with my petition, at last, taking his free hand to my waist, though hesitantly. My body tensed at his touch too and I knew he felt it, even if he didn’t show it. We started to sway, looking at each other, just like the last time we had been there together. I was trying to focus on the things I needed to say, but the feeling of V close to me was clouding my mind.

“What is this all about actually, Evey?” V murmured after a while.

I breathed in, knowing it was time to start. “We have an exchange pending,” I chose to say.

I felt him tense up at the memory brought by my words. Even so, he stayed silent, swaying slowly with me.

“A truth for a truth, remember?” I said softly.

“I do,” he whispered.

“Are you still willing to?”

V sighed brokenly and his mask lowered more. I held my breath, fearing he had retracted his offer. However, while he seemed to be giving it a thought, I remained patient, even when my insides were on fire.

“Would you talk to me if I reformulate my questions?” I said before he could deny me the conversation, realizing he was thinking too much. “You said you answered me what I asked, and disguised what I didn’t. Would you disguise the answers now, if I ask for a different truth?”

He hesitated for a moment, “It depends on the truth you ask.”

“That’s contradictory,” I furrowed. “It doesn’t matter if I ask if you’re being selective on your answers.”

I heard him breathing in. “You told me to free you. I’m keeping my word.”

I expected something like that; luckily, I had my first comeback ready. “You also said no more tricks or lies, just truth,” I answered. “Or you said it just because you knew you were about to die and it wouldn’t have consequences?”

V flinched and I suppressed my reaction. I had guessed right, which made me somehow sad. Was it necessary that we had to be about to die to open up about our feelings? That had to end.

“If what worries you is the things I said when you returned… I take them back,” I continued, seeing he was speechless. “You don’t have to stay away from me. I don’t want you to. So, please, talk to me.”

V didn’t say a single word at that and I felt the first jab of hopelessness.

“Did you think for real that my petition was still valid, after what happened on New Year’s Eve?” I furrowed, even if I suspected it already. “I owe you my life. Again.”

“My actions were moved by the extreme situation,” he murmured, a forced steadiness in his words. “That doesn’t erase everything I’ve done, regardless. You shouldn’t take your words back.”

“You're right. The past can’t be erased,” I nodded slightly, “but you soothed it enough to make me change my mind. And it’s my decision if I retract myself or I don’t. And I do,” my throat tightened painfully, and I went on. “If you stay away from me now, it’ll be because you want it like that.”

He didn't respond to that immediately, torturing me with so much silence, swaying at the sound of the music in the background. I had never wished so much to be able to read his expression, to know what he was thinking. Every quiet second was the worst kind of agony.

“Evey…” V exhaled, “This has never been a matter of what I want, but what you need.”

I took a sharp breath at his response, for which I had another comeback ready. “I told you my needs have changed.”

“The truth,” he exhaled brokenly, looking away from me for an instant.

“Not exactly,” I said, making him fix his attention on me again. “The truth is just the bridge. What I need is on the other side. And I can’t cross it until you give me the answers.”

I lowered our joined hands, placing his on my waist. Then, I rose mine to his shoulder, sliding my fingers above it until both of my hands arrived to rest on his nape. V sighed and I felt his warm breath on my face, giving me a second of total weakness. I was melting, feeling him so close, our bodies almost touching. I didn’t dare to close the distance completely, knowing I couldn’t bear it, not if I wanted my voice to keep steady. I had yearned for that moment for so much time… It seemed so impossible once…

“Please, V,” I pleaded, whispering, my composure wavering by the effect he had on my poor soul, so needy of him. “I need you to be honest with me. And I’ll be honest too if you want to know something. I’ll go after this talk… I’ll stay away if that’s what you want. But there are things I need to know before that. You promised me the truth. Concede it to me.”

My heart was pounding meanwhile he stayed silent. His lack of verbosity was making me really anxious and worried. Had I hurt him that much, the night I pushed him away, that he wouldn’t talk?

V sighed, after giving it a long thought. “Ask me whatever you need,” he muttered, his voice lower, “and I’ll answer as honestly as I can.”

I felt like exploding, victorious, and I couldn’t repress a smile of relief. I cleared my throat, trying to keep my mind focused.

“I think starting from the beginning will be the best thing,” I said, almost to myself, and made a pause, thinking how to formulate my words. “I believe the reasons why you’ve been away this year and decided to let me think you were dead but… You said no more lies and then you did that.”

“It wasn’t a lie,” he talked before I could say anything else, keeping his tone gentle, however.

I tilted my head, looking at him with wary eyes. “Creating a lie or omitting a truth, they're somehow the same,” I furrowed, not pleased with his response. “I thought we moved on from that.”

His face turned to a side, as if he didn't want to look at me. “I was dead, in a way,” V uttered, dejected.

I pressed my lips in a thin line, feeling my stomach tickling and my heart shattering a little. “What do you mean? Dead to the eyes of the world? Or because you felt devoid of purpose?”

“No. Not because of that. I,” he made a pause, his chest lowering in a sigh, and looked at me again, “made the decision to stay away from you; the thoughts that lead me to that resolution, you already know them. Even so, it tore me apart to do so, in ways I didn’t know were possible.”

A knot formed in my throat. I wanted to ask because he forced himself to do that, but I knew it already. I repressed the last thing I wanted to confess in that conversation; it wasn’t the moment yet. However, it took all of me to hold it back.

“What can you tell me about the revolution?” I went on, trying to ignore the needs my mind claimed right then. “For having your objectives fulfilled, it seems like you’ve been very active.”

“I haven’t,” he answered. “My role found its end a year ago. I told you: this is a world not mine to shape.”

“But you’re still part of it. You survived,” I refuted, scowling at him. “What about the riot? And the masquerade ball? You were there for information. You’re still taking part in this.”

He tilted his head to a side, so slightly, and I felt his sadness through his covered expression. “I think you’ve misinterpreted my presence there,” V told me, voice full of sorrow.

“Then, correct me.”

Another silence, filled with our gazes on each other, the swaying, and the emotion harbouring on my heart.

“I was there for you. Just for you,” V muttered, sounding emotive all of a sudden, “I might have wandered on the streets this year, yes; but just because I knew you were out frequently and I followed to watch for your safety. I’ve been in some of the riots you’ve participated, but I just intervened in that one because you were acting senseless and putting yourself in danger.”

I breathed in sharply. I trusted his words when he said he followed me to watch over me, but I thought I wasn’t the only reason why he played the role of vigilante still.

“No wonder I felt you all the time,” I whispered, barely speaking.

I felt really nervous about proceeding all of a sudden, knowing it was time to touch one of the main points of my plan. I was sure by then about his feelings; however, I needed to hear every single thing from him. It was the only way that could work if my plan went on as I expected and hoped.

“Did you believe for real they had captured me?” I asked, sounding a bit unsure.

He tilted his head down. “Yes,” he sighed and it took a few seconds for him to continue. “I thought everything I had seen was real. I’d have assaulted the vans if it wasn’t because your friend shot me, delaying me.”

A shiver ran down my spine, getting me goosebumps, and my face turned pale at his words; I felt it. It was true that Bel told me Maria had shot the stranger when he attacked Jeremy, but I never made that connection after everything that had happened in those months.

“I tried to find you later,” he continued, “infiltrating in a police department to find something that led me to where they had you… But it was like you had vanished. I’ve never felt so impotent, so frustrated… I had spent twenty years involved in tougher missions and now I couldn’t find a single report, a single track that guided me to you.”

A sharp breath escaped his lungs and I kept quiet, moved, listening carefully to his recalling.

“I bumped into the couple from your organization when I got out of the department after searching for hours. I heard the news from them,” he said in a low voice, the pain of that day lingering in his words.

“And…” I furrowed, startled. “How did you not figure it out? It was designed to work just for those who couldn’t contrast the truth, but you… You would’ve found a report or something that day if I had been killed for real.”

V let out a deep exhalation, making me shiver at the torment it showed. “When the news you had died arrived to me, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was devoid of the clarity to consider that possibility.”

My heart cracked and I felt the impulse to hug him tight. “Well… At least, it worked. I wanted to get my stalker… And I caught you,” I said, trying to sound playful to soothe the tension that his body had accumulated during his explanation, but failing miserably.

Contrarily, I noticed the tension building up more in his muscles, behind the fabric of his black shirt; he knew the next thing he would have to explain. It hurt me to make him remember that day, but I needed to talk about it.

“So, what happened at the cemetery…” I started, but I stopped, trying to think the best way to formulate that question.

“It was real,” V answered before I could throw the question at him, knowing what I needed to ask. “I thought I had felt all the pain a man can feel, either in the body or in the soul... But I was wrong. I had been able to live apart from you, just because I kept telling myself it was the right thing to do. But,” he made a pause and he shook his head slightly. “thinking you had died… Thinking I could’ve done more to save you and that I’d never see you again, even from afar…” V rambled, sort of, the memory of that pain echoing in his tone. “There are no words to describe that pain. I can explain how fire and bullets hurt… But I can’t put that into words. That day I just wanted to be swallowed by the same void that had taken you away.”

There was no way I could repress a reaction to that. I felt the tears on my eyes, and I held them back, but they burned… They burned really bad.

“That’s why I’ve complied with your decision,” V continued, speaking roughly, impotence and emotion radiating through him, his body shaking ever so slightly. “I was honest when I said I wasn’t aware of your mourning, but I realized how much I had hurt you with my decision to remain dead to your eyes. And, even if couldn’t understand why you had suffered so much, why you had mourned this monster I am… If you had suffered because of my death a slight portion of what I had suffered by yours… I knew I had to go, this time for good, as you wanted, as you needed... There was no forgiveness for me this time; I was aware of it. I deserved to be pulled away more than ever.”

I had to look away from him for a moment, feeling like I was losing control of my feelings. His hands held me slightly tighter and I clenched my teeth, feeling faint dizziness in my head. I doubted I was strong enough to bear his pain for longer, but I had to keep in mind that it would be worth it.

“I don’t fully understand why you’re here or if I’m just dreaming, and I… I know it’s too late and I probably deserve to be consumed by this guilt, but… I’m so sorry, Evey,” he whispered, guilt and plea intertwining in his tone. “I don’t comprehend how or why you’ve forgiven me for the things I did to you… But I understand if you don’t accept this apology, for this particular neglect.”

I looked at him once more, surprised at first, and saddened a few seconds later. “Haven’t you realized I’ve forgiven you for that too, already?” I muttered, feeling the guilt piercing my chest more.

V gazed at me too, his mask getting closer to my face for an instant. My breath caught and I knew I couldn’t bear that space anymore. So, I closed the brief distance between our bodies, touching at last. V gasped softly, his body tensing, heating up slowly against mine. I needed a moment to control the butterflies and breath so I didn’t lose control of my own body, going crazy at the feeling. I had never been that close with him and every fibre of my being was screaming in mad awe.

“I can’t be mad at you for long…” I spoke softly, close to the lips of the mask, gazing directly at his eyes. “Sometimes, during these two months, I wished so hard I could… But I can’t.”

“I thought you did, that day,” he answered in a faint voice, breathlessly.

“Not even then,” I breathed out. “I was just really, really mad at you.”

We swayed slower now, one close to the other. I caressed his neck with my thumbs, tracing soft circles above the shirt, not taking my eyes away from him. I could have stayed like that, forgetting about the conversation, telling him I loved him hopelessly and kiss him. We could have continued dancing in that bubble of warm calmness, giving in to the feeling. But I had to go on, so we could have more dances like that, having left the pain behind for real, not just acting like it.

“I’m sorry too, for hurting you, with the fake death and my words,” I said, taking at last my part of the responsibility in that situation.

“It was just a brief punishment, compared with what I deserve,” V muttered.

“You don’t deserve to be punished, V,” I answered with a light tone, sad. “You don’t deserve to live in pain.”

He stiffed and kept silent. I sighed against the lips of the mask, knowing that was a matter I couldn’t solve right then. The bubble had exploded and, even if we were still so close, the hall seemed to cool down around us. I decided to move on to the next matter right away.

“Now, tell me about New Year’s Eve…” I proceeded, trying to steady my voice. “What were you doing there? What kind of information were you trying to get? What had that to be with me?”

V seemed to relax a little, but not completely. “I’ve overheard two ex-fingermen when I went for supplies one night, talking about the attack that the opposition cell was planning and they mentioned that one of its providers would be at that party. I wasn’t sure that your organization was aware of that, so I assisted to the ball to try to find them.”

“Dancing to random girls?” I blurted out, arching a brow, without thinking it. I damned myself instantly.

I felt his uneasiness through the mask. “I wasn’t informed about their gender,” he answered, uncomfortable.

“I’m messing with you,” I chuckled, even if that wasn’t quite true. “You say you’re not working on the revolution, but that seems like you are. I still don’t get what that has to be with me.”

“The information wasn’t for me to stop the attack,” he explained. “I wanted to help the organization somehow… And you, without surpassing your wishes. If I had gotten something, I would’ve made it arrive to them so you’d be prepared… So, you’d be safe,” he made a pause. “I failed, clearly,” V mumbled, lowering his head in shame.

I had suspected it, but now… Now I had almost all the pieces that confirmed it. I just needed him to say it out loud.

“So… The revolution, the vengeance… Are not your priorities anymore?”

He rose his gaze again to me, “No. Not anymore.”

My breath caught, the butterflies on my stomach awakening. “And what has taken that place?” I asked, unsure.

V hesitated, clearly. Maybe it was too soon for that. Maybe it was not the right moment to get into that matter.

“About New Year’s Eve…” I moved on right away. “I’m sorry about the strange behaviour… And the elbow,” I said, the shame raising to my features. “Did I hurt you too badly?”

“Nothing I can’t bear,” he responded, sounding relieved somehow. “Nothing compared to the rest of the night.”

“I guess…” I made a face, saddened. I took a deep breath. “One of the things that have taken me here tonight is the need to thank you, for saving me… Again. I’d be dead if it wasn’t because you reacted so fast.”

“In fact,” he tensed again, his breath catching, “I was too slow... I almost lost you.”

“I know,” I whispered, thinking if I should tell him what I knew. He would know at some point, hopefully, so I decided to say it. “Bel told me about the CPR.”

V shivered so hard I thought he would let me go and step away. He stilled, breaking the swaying and backing away from my body a bit. “I… It was strictly necessary. I wouldn’t have done… That… If it hadn’t been,” he explained with a deep apology in his tone.

“Hey. It’s alright,” I cut him off, taking my hands to the cheeks of his mask, stopping him on his embarrassment. “I’m really thankful for it. You did not only save me; you took off your mask to do so and I imagine what that meant for you. So, don’t focus on anything else. I’m not disgusted or something like that. How could I, V? Be reasonable.”

I returned my hands to his neck, restarting the swaying. We danced in silence for a while. I was waiting for his shame to go away, for him to relax, but he wasn’t, not even a little bit. I asked him everything that I had to and the time to come clean was approaching. For that, I needed him calmer or his reaction could be stronger than I suspected. I needed his own shame to vanish enough before continuing.

“Evey…” He uttered eventually.

“Yes?” I asked, curious that he resumed the conversation this time. He hadn’t asked me much, after all.

“Maybe it’s not proper but… I want to give you my condolences,” he said, softly but sorrowful. “I’ve known that Eric Finch passed away tragically that night.”

I didn't expect to bring Eric to the conversation and my heart flinched at his memory. At some point, we would have talked about him, but I wasn’t ready to do it right then. However, it might be better that way.

I gazed down, fixing my eyes on his chest. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“He was a good man,” he continued as if trying to reassure me. “He worked hard to make this country better, after the Fifth.”

“Yeah,” the guilt reappeared inside me. “He deserved more than he had, though.”

I saw who he tilted his head a bit, questioningly. “He had all the things a man could want,” V said, confused by my words.

I put a slight and sad smile on my lips, looking at the mask. “Except the love of the woman he wanted.”

His brain seemed to stop for a few seconds, processing what he had just heard. “I thought...” He hesitated. “You were partners.”

A sigh escaped me. It was harder than I thought to talk about Eric with him, confess out loud what we had. It made me feel somehow frivolous.

“We kept our company,” I explained, “but we weren’t a couple. Not in the romantic sense, at least. He did love me, but I couldn’t fall for him. We talked about it and Eric was okay with it, but I felt guilty because it wasn’t fair and, even so, I couldn’t let him go. However, after you came back, I knew I had to break up with him.”

He flinched, confused. “I saw you with him on New Year’s Eve. Everything seemed…”

“Normal?” I finished the sentence for him. “That’s because Eric was very nice... He promised me we would spend the night together and he came to the ball, even if it was hard for him. I know it was... But we were friends above anything else and we managed to have fun, despite the recent breakup.”

“I was sure you…” He started, perplexed, but didn't continue, the frown noticeable in his voice.

“No,” I shook my head slightly. “My heart belonged to someone else.”

It was the moment to play the strongest cards, to come clean. My heart started to beat like crazy, my breathing catching in my lungs. I sensed he was shaking again and I grabbed him slightly tighter.

“V…” I said his name, looking at him, with a low voice, coming nearer until our bodies were stuck together again. “What I told you before fainting that night… It was true. It wasn’t because of the drug or the delusions of dying… I knew I couldn’t go letting you think that my feelings had vanished during this year. I needed you to know what I felt for you… What I still feel.”

“Evey, what…?” He whispered, roughly.

“I love you,” I muttered. “hopelessly… Wholeheartedly.”

I felt V’s heartbeat fastening, hammering against his chest, turned into a wild drum. I sighed, an electric shiver running down my stomach at the feeling. His breath caught, but he didn’t stop looking at me.

“No.”

He pulled me away gently and took a step backwards, putting distance between us. I sensed my heart falling to the floor, cracking, breaking like a piece of fragile glass. I was prepared for rejection, but even so, it really hurt.

“No, Evey… This can’t be,” he vacillated, placing his hand on his chest as if trying to cover his own heart.

“Why?” I stuttered, trying to keep myself steady and collected, but I ended up sounding terribly broken.

“I’m no good for you,” V said, his voice wavering. “You pushed me aside. It was the right choice. I… I myself can’t obviate what I’ve done to you. I can’t forgive my own actions.”

“But I’ve forgiven you,” I muttered, feeling my lower lip trembling. “And I’m tired to pretend this was the right choice. I’m tired of not being with you.”

He let out a ragged breath and turned to the Wurlitzer, stopping the music, backing against it. The sudden silence that the Shadow Gallery harboured crushed me, making me feel I was running out of air, asphyxiating slowly. My eyes were fixed on V’s back, suddenly feeling too far away from him.

“This is why I didn’t want to get involved in your life again,” he said, almost to himself. “You’re being dragged again…”

“I’m not being dragged. Don’t talk about you like you’re some kind of void,” I said harshly, my tears building up in my eyes. “And this has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve returned. Even if you weren’t here, I loved you still. It hasn’t stopped. Never. Not even for a minute. I loved you since long before you disappeared. I loved you even when I thought you dead and I knew I’d never see you again; not in this life at least. And I love you now.”

He shook his head. “This is not the life you deserve,” V said faintly, his voice weaker than ever.

My tears began to fall and I approached him with a couple of strides, angry. I grabbed his arm, making him face me.

“And what kind of life I deserve? Come on, tell me” I blurted out, furious. “Tell me what do you think I deserve.”

“Not this, Evey. Anything but this,” his voice trembled, as if scared. “This is not a life. This is a prison. I am a prison,” he empathised. “I was once for you and I’m not taking the risk of hurting you again.”

I clenched my teeth, the rage building up inside me. “You’ve failed already,” I grunted.

V stiffed, his gaze falling to the floor. I freed his arm from my grip and let out a broken pant.

“You made me face my fears once. Face yours now and answer,” I inquired, “Give me your truth. Don’t act like I don’t know it already. You know I do.”

He looked at me again and I came closer to him, my face almost touching his mask. I heard how he held his breath at my closeness.

“What do you feel for me, right now?” I said, my words rough with impotence.

V stood there, silent, barely breathing, looking cornered, with no seeming intention to talk.

“V,” I grunted, pushing him to the edge.

“Evey, no…” He whispered.

“Tell me,” I insisted.

“Don’t ask me this,” V pleaded, backing against the Wurlitzer more.

The tears blurred my vision and I backed away from him a few steps, drying the unstoppable rivers that fell down my cheeks.

“You’re a liar,” I breathed out, harsh, “and a hypocrite. Why can’t you answer me? I thought that once you knew how I feel… But no. Not even now.”

“I can’t be near without hurting you,” he whispered. “I can’t remember a single moment when I haven’t.”

“Because you’re so stubborn…!” I grunted. “You keep insisting on leaving me! In pulling me away! So, just tell me why… What has changed so much in your heart for you to neglect me like this, even when I’m opening up to you? Don’t you love me anymore?”

He didn’t respond right away but, eventually, he let out a sigh, looking defeated. “I do, Evey,” V said in a faint voice. “I do love you.”

“And am I your priority now?”

“Yes.”

I uttered a sob, more tears falling. “Then why don’t you want me?” I asked, brokenly.

V turned around and approached me rapidly as if my words had activated something inside him. He placed his hands on my cheeks, drying my tears with his thumbs, shaking again.

“I want you… God,” he sighed, voice full of raw pain. “Of course, I want you. But… I have nothing to offer to you… Nothing except the pain I can’t stop inflicting you no matter how hard I try to stop.”

“There would be no pain if you let me in,” I said in a whisper.

“How can you be so sure?” He asked, sounding genuinely broken by the doubt. “I can’t take this… I couldn’t bear to tear you again. You can’t imagine how much I hate myself now, for everything I’ve done to you. I’d give anything to fix that, but I can’t. And being apart is the only way I can think of.”

“You can fix it,” I said in a pleading tone, “You can amend it if you stay.”

His breath caught. “How?” he whispered. “Don’t you see, Evey? If I stay… If you stay, what would I give to you? A life in the shadows, here, underground? That’s my place, not yours. You live up there, in the light.”

“You’ve been the only light I’ve had in my life,” I cried, more tears falling. “And there have only been shadows since you left.”

V let out a broken breath. I rose my hands to his back, feeling the tension in his body. “You’re not thinking this enough…” He murmured, sounding like he was falling apart. “I can offer you nothing… I can’t give you the life you deserve. I can’t even kiss you… How can you want this?”

“Because I love you,” I murmured, sniffling. “And the only thing I want is to be here, with you… Stop thinking it isn’t enough… Stop thinking about the past… We’ll figure out how to make this work but… Let me decide, for the love of God. Understand this is my wish.”

V’s breath was ragged, his chest raising and falling falteringly, and I just waited there, with his hands in my face, waiting for the man I loved to fix or crush my heart right there, forever.

“You do have a tree waiting for you,” I whispered, playing my last card. “Please… Climb it.”

Every second he kept his silence felt like the worst torture hell can offer. If all I had said, all I had done and tried that night hadn’t been enough… There was no hope. I would have to return through the tunnels, to that life of light where I only saw shadows, this time forever. If he didn’t give in now, he would never. It was the last chance, the last moment or the first. And every second he kept his silence a new crack appeared in my heart.

“Alright,” he muttered at last.

A wave of pure joy hit me, making me let out a half laugh, half cry, and embraced him with all my strength, hiding my face in his neck. He hugged me too, tight against him, whispering my name, and caressed my curls gently. I cried against his shirt, relief and happiness colliding inside me.

It had happened at last. A full circle of pain was ending a little bit at every tear that fell, a circle that had kept us apart for a year.

I pulled away slightly and raised my hands from his back, placing them on the sides of his mask. Closing the distance between us, I kissed the hard lips of the mask. V’s breath vanished for a moment, but I felt a slight pressure from the other side soon after: he was returning it. Even if we weren’t touching, I felt his warm breath on my lips, tingling me, and I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing again at the gesture.

“I love you,” I said, trying to talk as steadily as my cries let me.

“I love you too, Evey,” V answered, softly, his tenor voice full of raw emotion.

I laughed, resting my forehead on the mask’s one, kissing him again. He held me until my tears dried, patiently, gently, his body still shaking from the emotiveness and his heart soaring.

“Would you like to dance for a while more?” he said when I pulled away to look at him, feeling better.

“I’d love to,” I gasped, smiling.

He rose his hand to caress my cheek. “Choose whatever song you want, then.”

It took me a second to take my hands off him, not wanting to be apart not even for that slight portion of time. I went to the Wurlitzer and stood before it, trying to decide, pressing one of the buttons eventually. The Nocturnes of Chopin started playing, and I turned around to return to him. V gently grabbed my hand, taking me to the middle of the hall. When he was about to adopt the posture he always had when dancing, and raised our joined hands, I got closer until our bodies touched. I placed my free hand on his back and he tentatively did the same. I rested the side of my face against his mask’s one and we started to sway slowly.

V was trembling still, just slightly, but enough for me to notice. His body was so warm against mine, his heartbeat still so fierce. I had missed so much how gentle he was when holding me while we danced… My mind was coming at ease, at last, the feeling of returning home taking over me. From time to time, I sighed, delighted by the sensation of having him close, of being in his arms. There was much to work on still, but, then, at that very moment, being with V was the only thing I could think of.

The magical moment broke when, suddenly, my stomach decided to roar as loud as if I hadn’t eaten in a whole week. I backed away, giggling, embarrassed. I had been so focused on my mission that night that I had forgotten I didn’t have dinner.

“Sorry,” I muttered.

“Haven’t you eaten?” V said, a slight funny tone in his question.

“No,” I admitted, a light blush on my cheeks.

“I can cook something for you now,” he offered gently.

“Oh, no. Don’t worry,” I shook my head. “I’ll eat something later.”

He flinched a bit. “Are you leaving?” He said, clearly disappointed.

I pressed my lips in a thin line; that was not I meant, but clearly there was an issue I hadn’t thought about beforehand. “I don’t know,” I hesitated. “That’s up to you. I’d like to stay, to come back here, with you. But we can do this slowly if you prefer. I can come here every day, sleep at the shelter… Move in later. Whatever you feel like comfortable with. You’ve been living alone for long. I don’t want to be more intrusive.”

It was true that we had lived together before, but that was different. We just shared the main rooms and I stayed in the hall or in my room most of the time, not daring to wander around much. Even now, there were most secrets of that place I didn’t know. V respected my privacy very much during that time together and, I was so afraid to break his, I always walked in eggshells. I still felt like that, somehow.

“This is your home too. I gave it to you, remember?” He remarked, sounding more joyful. “And I’ll feel really lucky to have you back. But it’s your decision.”

Leaving the shelter was something that would make me a bit sad, but I would have to go there every day to attend my obligations. I would miss being so close to Bel and having her at reach for whatever. However, she had insisted me that I had to follow my heart this time, reaching the life I wanted for real. And that life was there, at the Shadow Gallery, with V.

I smiled. “I’ll stay. And I’ll go for my things tomorrow.”

He hugged me tighter, pressing me gently against him. His heart was beating fast again. “Will you let me cook something for you, then?” V asked, a smile in his voice.

“Fine,” I tilted my head, “Do you mind if I take a shower meanwhile? I’ll hurry.”

“I repeat: this is your home too. Do as you please.”

I nodded, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. Pulling away from his embrace made an abrupt coldness penetrate on my body. I left the hall, going to my old room there, to grab something I could put on for the night. Being alone made me feel somehow insecure, but happiness ate any doubt or worry. In some points of our reunion, I had lost hope that he would give in, but everything had turned out alright in the end.

I found an old pyjama and some towels in the closet, and I rushed to the bathroom. I stood under the water for a few minutes, letting its warmness wash away the transitory pain of the night and the dryness of my face and chest after crying and sobbing. I found myself smiling genuinely, and not being able to stop.

When I got out of the shower, I searched for the dryer on the drawers. Once I got it in my hand, a brief smile appeared on my lips, this one kind of melancholic.

The memory of one of my first days with him popped up on my mind: I had taken a shower and realized there was no dryer anywhere. I showed up at the hall, where he was reading, and asked him if he had one. He admitted he didn’t, sounding very sorry for it. After seeing me drying my hair with a towel for two hours straight, he appeared with one for me that very night. That was just one of the things he had done to make me more comfortable in his house, not prepared for another human being.

The memory of the day I had to ask him for sanitary towels popped up too and I shook it off immediately. Too embarrassing to remember it just then.

When I got out of the bathroom, the smell of beef and cooked vegetables took over my senses. I walked to the kitchen, where he was, cooking with his flowers apron on. For a brief moment, I felt fixed to the floor, under the doorstep, admiring him. For that moment, it felt like nothing had happened at all. It just seemed another day, dinner after waking up from a heavy nightmare.

I approached carefully, looking at the plate he was serving: sausages and stuffed peppers with egg, cheese and parsley inside.

“This might be too much,” I said, smiling. “You didn’t have to do something so elaborate. Whatever would’ve been fine.”

“I suspect it’s been a long day. You need to eat,” he answered, taking the sausages from the pan to the plate. He grabbed it, putting it on the table, right by the already prepared cutlery, and moved the chair away for me to sit. As gentlemanly as always.

I sat and he returned to the counter, probably to clean everything up. Then, I saw how he led one of his hands to the other, about to remove its glove, but he stopped and didn’t. A stab of sadness reached me at the sight. I had seen his hands before, but, even so, V was still reluctant to show me that slight portion of his skin.

“It’s no problem for me,” I said and he turned slightly to look at me.

He stood still and then gave me a little nod, peeling off his gloves slowly. V left them on the table, before me. I couldn’t help my heart from skipping a beat at the sight of his hands, not because it repulsed me; quite the opposite. He had never touched me with his bare hands and I wondered how it would feel, his skin on mine. The thought made the butterflies of my stomach flutter with excitement. However, I pushed that wonder away. I knew that, no matter how we made our relationship work, it couldn’t be physical. Not much, at least. The combination of his persona and his shame was too strong.

I started to eat, focusing on the food, not wanting that the wonder arrived at my expression. At the very first bite, I sensed a rush of happiness ran through my body, feeling lucky for being able to try his food again.

“Oh, God…” I grunted inevitably. “I missed your cooking so much.”

“You flatter me, mademoiselle,” he said, theatrically.

He started to clean the implements while I ate and I tried to forget about the wonder. However, I couldn’t avoid raising my gaze to look a V, from time to time.

“Your lack of words worries me,” I said after I had finished eating and he was grabbing my plate to clean it too.

“I’m sorry, Evey,” he said apologetically, looking at me, “I have to admit I’m still stunned. I wasn’t expecting any of this.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’ve planned this barely four hours ago,” I said, giving him a brief smile.

V returned to the counter, opening the water and cleaning the plate. “How is that?” He muttered.

“I felt like it was time,” I explained, sighing. “I would’ve done this right after I recovered from almost dying if it hadn’t been,” I made a pause, my heart wavering, “for Eric’s death. I was in mourning and it felt unrespectful to come here after that. I needed some time.”

He sighed too. “I understand.”

I waited for him to finish, resting my cheek on my hand, just observing him. I started to feel my lids heavy meanwhile, but I didn’t feel like sleeping. I wanted to be up all night, talking to him. But I knew I was very sleepy already and that I had work to do the next day. We had a meeting with the organization to discuss the current situation.

When he finished cleaning, he turned around and put his gloves on again. I felt him examining me with his covered gaze.

“You look tired,” V stated.

“Yes. I think I’m sleepy already,” I got up, pushing the chair and placing it right against the table. “Maybe I should go to bed now. I have to be at the shelter in the morning.”

I approached him tentatively, still not knowing if it was alright to do so, but I lifted on my tiptoe to place a chaste kiss on the mask’s lips.

“Thank you for the dinner… And for everything. Goodnight, V.” I said, pulled away hesitantly, reluctant to leave him, and started to walk towards my room.

“Evey,” I heard him call me right away.

I spun around, already having crossed half of the living room, facing him. He walked to me, until standing before me, irradiating nervousness.

“I think it’s not appropriate anymore to have you in that room if you don’t want,” he muttered.

I furrowed. “Where do you want me to sleep then?”

He breathed in, brokenly. “It’s just an idea. You can continue sleeping there if you prefer but… Considering this new situation… Maybe you should move to my room.”

That surprised me in a genuine way. I wasn’t expecting that at all. I was happy enough with the mutual decision of me moving in again, but sharing his room was something I hadn’t thought of yet. It would have happened at some point, maybe; I didn’t think it would be that very night, though.

“But… Are you sure? Will you be fine with it?” I questioned.

“Absolutely.”

“Alright, then,” I babbled, blinking in awe. V let out a little sigh, relieved, and gave me his arm to grab. I did and we walked to his room.

I felt a bit nervous when we stepped in. I just had been there once and the feeling that I was invading his privacy still lingered above me.

“I have a confession,” I said, letting go of his arm and walking a few steps towards the bed, and turning around to him again. I knew my anxiety was showing in my face, noticeable even through the faint darkness that covered the room. “I slipped in here once, the day before the riot. I guess you already know I returned here for a few hours but… I wasn’t sure if you noticed I had been in your room.”

“I didn’t,” he said, closing the door behind him, leaving us in total darkness for a moment. I heard him walking, crossing the room and, then, the little lamp in one of the nightstands turned on. “But I was expecting you would. I gave it to you, after all.”

“I know but I couldn’t live here without you,” I explained, crossing my arms, hugging me from the coldness of the memory. “It felt too sad… Too lonely. And intrusive to move anything or prowl in the rooms I hadn’t had access before.”

He listened to me, standing there, and I looked around again so I hadn’t to gaze at him. “I have one of your shirts, by the way,” I admitted, embarrassed, the blushing rushing up to my cheeks again.

“A shirt?” He asked, confused.

“I stole it from your closet that day,” I explained. “And I wore it on the day of the riot. It was too big for me, but I still decided to wear it. I needed to feel you near, somehow. I thought something so personal of yours would give me strength.”

V kept quiet for a moment, unreadable. “The knives weren’t enough?”

“That’s different,” I hugged myself tighter, facing him once more. “For me, the knives represented the strength of your persona, your convictions, your force… But, a shirt… It returned to me a different part of you, the inner self… The man. I needed the man that day, more than the idea.”

The situation had turned too serious all of a sudden and my words too deep, so I breathed in and changed the subject. “I’m sorry if everything was too dusty here when you came back. I guess you had a giant task cleaning up,” I said, smiling with an apology in my features.

“I’ve done major cleanings,” V answered and I smiled wider to him, knowingly.

“Well… I’m glad this didn’t take you ten years.” I sniggered.

I walked to a side of the bed and gazed it over as if trying to figure out a puzzle on it.

“Will you sleep here with me?” I asked, a wave of doubts hitting me.

His mask lowered slightly for a moment. “If that’s your wish...”

“Of course,” I said right away, the butterflies awaking. “But… I don’t think you sleep with those clothes… Or your mask… How are we going to do it?”

“I’ll be fine. I won’t sleep much tonight, anyway,” he said.

I hummed, understanding. V didn’t sleep, eat or drink as much as the rest of the mortals did. When I met him, I thought that was because he didn’t want to take off his mask before me, but after knowing what happened to him and reading Delia’s diary, I understood that it was something that those experiments had done to him.

“Are you alright?”

His question startled me for a moment and then I realized that the thought had brought some sadness to my face. And he had noticed.

“Yes,” I blurted out, shaking off the memory. “It’s just that… We’ll have to think of something more permanent for this issue,” I said, trying to hide the sorrow. “Which side do you prefer?”

“I don’t mind,” he looked very lost and it made me smile at how cute that was.

Most of the things we would have to work in that new phase would be painful or hard, but showing V how a relationship worked, so oblivious as he was in that sense, would be really funny. I was eager to discover more facets of him.

“Well, then,” I pulled aside the sheets and slipped inside the bed.

V was still for an instant, before sitting on the bed’s edge and taking his boots off. He slipped inside too and laid down on his side, facing me. We looked at each other and I felt about to melt. In any case, I would have thought I would find myself inside a bed with V. Also, that faint, warm light was tuning the moment into something really intimate, to the point my heart was soaring again. I couldn’t describe how that, something so trivial, was making me feel so fortunate.

I approached him, not touching, but leaving very brief space between our heads, resting on the pillows. However, I ended up eating that distance, hugging him, needing to be as close as I could. V made my self-control waver… I was so weak for him.

He sighed at the closeness, placing an arm around me too, caressing my back gently. A doubt crossed my mind then, almost making me take my hands off him.

“I need to ask you something,” I muttered softly and he kept quiet, expecting. “Does your skin hurt, after so many years?”

He seemed to think about his response. “Sometimes, but not constantly,” he explained. “Mainly, it feels stiff or itchy and dries fast, but nothing too unbearable.”

“So…” I hesitated, “Are you fine with this?” I whispered, full of doubt. “With me touching you so much?”

“That’s not a problem at all. I’m” he paused, sounding embarrassed “glad you do.”

I couldn’t help smiling at the answer, and I started tracing ways over his shirt with my fingers. Even with that layer between us, I could feel the strong muscles of his back and shoulders. I wanted him to feel so loved that he forgot what pain was.

“What’s on your mind, Evey?” He whispered, worried.

I stopped my caresses, realizing the pain was still visible in me. I pressed my lips in a thin line, fixing my eyes on his. The point was being honest, so I considered to tell him I knew more than he thought.

“There’s something,” I muttered, “that I think you have to know.”

He was speechless for an instant. “Tell me, then.”

I took a deep breath, afraid of how he would react at my words. However, I hoped it would make him realize I was choosing him knowingly, totally aware of his broken pieces.

“I’ve read Delia Surridge’s diary.”

He rose a little bit, backing on his forearm, looking at me from above. “What?” he breathed out, barely.

“Eric gave it to me to decide what I wanted to do with it,” I explained, carefully. “I know you’d never have told me what happened at Larkhill. But I thought that that would be the last thing I’d learn about you and I didn’t want your suffering to be forgotten. So, I read it.”

V was paralysed, before leaning back completely, sitting on the bed. I did the same, placing, insecure, a hand on his shoulder.

“I tell you this because I think you don’t fully understand my decisions, not even now, after what has happened tonight,” I said, and he turned a little to look at me. “I told you when you returned that I knew how you’re broken. I meant I knew it for real, after knowing the horrors you suffered. But I don’t mind… I don’t mind you are broken, as long as you let me in to help and be with you. I know what happened to you can’t be fixed. I know some of your pieces are not going to fit together again, but that’s how life is. We all have scars that won’t disappear.”

I took my hand to the cheek of his mask, caressing the warm surface with my thumb, giving him a look full of love.

“I’m not here because of the idea you represent, but for the man you are: broken and scarred, yes; but gentle, intelligent, talented and lovable too. And I love you whole, good and bad things included. You made me strong and free, but freedom it’s not the same if you’re not here. A life with you can’t be anything but beautiful. It hasn’t to be easy or perfect; nothing is. But, after thinking you dead for a year and after almost dying myself, I’m not willing to lose another second of my life telling myself how I should be or how I should live, instead of how I want to be and how I want to live my life. You showed me that. And I want this, with you, as long as I live.”

I approached him more, sliding my hand to his neck, pulling him closer and kissing the mask’s lips.

“You had twenty years of suffering and survived against all odds. You have a second chance, a chance to have what you didn’t then. And I’ll promise you I’ll love you until you forget how that pain felt. It’d be a slow path, with a lot of work to do, but I want to take it.”

Before I could react, I had his hands on my cheeks, pulling me to another kiss. Behind the mask, the pressure met my lips again, melting my soul. V pulled back, slightly, and a broken pant escaped the mask.

“You’re an angel, Evey,” he muttered in a deep voice, vibrating with warmness. “I don’t know why I’ve been touched by such grace to happen to meet you. I don’t deserve it…”

“You do. You deserve to be loved,” I contradicted him, circling his neck with my arms. “You deserve everything.”

“I have that now. I have you,” V whispered.

I blushed, giggling a bit and pulling him down with the weight of my body, making both of us fall on the bed. He backed himself on his palms, uttering a surprised sound, and I smiled.

“You’re wrong. This is just a slight portion of what you’ll have,” my smile turned into a smirk. “But you have to promise me two things, to make this work.”

“Anything.”

“One: if, for whatever reason, you want to work again on the revolution, you can’t push me aside. No more being your Mercedes. We have to fight together now if you want to do so. Promise?”

“Promise,” he murmured without hesitation, making my heart warm.

“Two: no more deciding for me. No more pulling me away if you think you’re not good for me or you are hurting me. Talk to me if you’re unsure, but don’t act on your own. We’re the two of us now, alright? Promise me.”

He hesitated a bit and I arched a brow, inquiringly. “I promise,” V said at last, with a tone steady enough for me.

“And… I think I have another one,” I muttered, leaning my head a bit on the pillow.

“What?”

I slid my hands to the cheeks of the mask, pulling his face down so he was closer to mine. “No more risking your life or sacrificing yourself; not for me, not for the revolution. I want you alive, okay? Don’t you dare leave me again or I’ll follow you through death and I will find you, and you’ll hear me; I can assure you.”

“I promise I won’t,” V sniggered.

“You’d better,” I said, falsely threatening him.

He rested his body again on the bed, laying on his side, without taking his eyes off me. His hand searched for my face, caressing my skin with the leather of his glove. Both of us kept quiet, looking at each other, just surrounded by the sound of our breathing and the slight friction of the leather on my cheek.

“I’ll work to be better for you, Evey,” he uttered warmly. “You’ve given me this gift and I want to return the joy you’re making me feel. But I don’t know how to do so. I can’t give you much of the things that you need.”

Even if he wasn’t being too concrete, I could sense what he meant. “I just need you,” I said. “I don’t mind if you never show me the face behind this mask, or if we don’t kiss without it or you never feel ready to let me touch your bare skin. Love is much more than that and I won’t be happy to do anything you’re not comfortable with. So, don’t worry too much about that kind of things.”

V sighed heavily and it made my heart skip a beat, feeling the worry that was attacking him. I rose my hand to my face to cup his, and interlaced our fingers. I led our joined hands to my mouth, placing a kiss over his knuckles. Resting them on the space between us on the bed, I gave him a little smile.

“Let’s just sleep by now,” I squeezed his hand gently. “We’ll figure everything out as it comes.”

He nodded. “At which hour should I wake you?”

“At seven will be alright.”

I approached, making him lay on his back, resting my head on his chest, wanting to hear his heart again. He embraced me too, placing his hand on my waist. I sensed his heartbeat accelerating and, then, getting slower, peacefully.

Unexpectedly, a sudden thought crossed my sleepy happy thoughts and I shivered. I debated internally with myself if I should ask him such a doubt. Curiosity took over me, in the end, probably because I hadn’t enough energy to hold my tongue at that point of the night.

“V?” I mumbled, unsure.

“Yes?”

“I might have a logistic doubt and I think I need to ask you. I’m afraid it might bother you, though, so it’s fine if you don’t answer,” I rambled a bit, my eyes already closed.

“A logistic doubt?” He sniggered softly. “Ask me. Sounds interesting.”

“Do you,” I paused, feeling already ashamed for the question, “have eyes?”

It seemed to take him a few seconds to get the reason for my question and I got afraid at his silence that I had bothered him, so his heart was beating fast again. “I do,” V said, at last, his voice steady, normal. “It’s because what you read in the diary?”

“Yes. It would be fine if you didn’t. But I’d have had a lot of questions about how you do what you do,” I muttered, relieved, but still embarrassed.

He laughed softly against my hair, caressing my waist gently, creating a path of tingling wherever his fingers touched.

“Thank you for telling me,” I sighed, feeling like I was falling asleep already. “Goodnight, V.”

“Goodnight, Evey,” he whispered, his voice vibrating in his chest. “Sleep well.”

“I will with you here.”

I smiled, pressing myself more against him, feeling a wave of happiness and calmness I never thought I would sense again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! <3
> 
> At last these two are reunited! I enjoyed writing this chapter so much, even with all the work that has needed, but no regrets. This reunion deserved it. And I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing. 
> 
> Thank you to those who have left kudos and comments. It's very much appreciated and keeps me going. <3 You're all so sweet!
> 
> See you very soon! xx


	9. I found a reason to keep livin' and the reason, dear, is you

I leant back, uttering a gasp and feeling like I was about to choke for a moment. I coughed and sensed my arms shakiness when I turned around, holding myself on the bed’s edge, in an attempt to breathe. My lungs felt obstructed, incapables to let the air in, and burned every time I coughed and huffed, trying to inhale desperately.

“Evey,” a worried voice made its way to my eardrums, through the rough sound of my struggling.

Right away, I felt the warmth of a body on my back and a leathered hand on my arm. I gasped, turning my body around, startled, finding V by my side.

It took me a moment to recall and remember that I wasn’t alone anymore, that I had fallen asleep with him by my side, after returning to him.

Trembling, feeling I wasn’t breathing for another reason now, I rolled over completely, laying on my other side, facing him on the bed. I slid my hands under his arms, holding onto him, grabbing the back of his shirt, and I hid my face on his chest. I panted, the air slowly returning to my system, like his hands on me, his gentle caresses on my hair, was helping to ease my lungs. When I had enough oxygen again to make my voice function, I started to cry, shedding tears over his shirt.

“You’re here,” I babbled, gripping his clothing tighter, pressing my face harder on his chest.

“I am,” he said, sounding deeply concerned.

“Thank God…” I whispered, sobbing.

He didn’t speak, proceeding with his gentle caresses on my head while I cried and sobbed until I had dried out and I could breathe steadily again. Then, when I was calmer, he laid on his back with me in his arms, hugging me against his body. I held onto him tight, feeling he wasn’t close enough even if our bodies were completely touching.

“Are you better?” He said quietly as if he didn’t want to disturb the silence that had settled in the bedroom again.

I nodded slightly.

“Do you want to tell me?” V asked.

I sighed, feeling the burn of my tears increasing in my eyes again, too dry to form them, but aching as they could. I closed them, avoiding the faint light of the lamp, he had turned on.

“I’ve been having this nightmare for the whole year,” I started, my voice rough and weak. “I’m walking through a rain of roses’ petals and, then, I see you among them. I run to you… I run to you as fast as I can, trying to get to you… But I always get trapped at a few steps away, never being able to catch you. And I stay there for long, trapped, desperate… With you so far away from me, so close too…”

V breathed out brokenly, his chest vibrating with impotence, and held me tighter. “You’ve caught me, Evey,” he whispered huskily. “I’m here.”

I nodded, opening my eyes and sliding up on the bed, resting my head next to his. I came closer, resting my forehead on his mask, sensing the hard material on my skin. I sighed in relief.

“Sleep now,” he murmured, caressing my back reassuringly. “I won’t go anywhere. I promise.”

I woke up sunk into the calmness, into the dense darkness, sensing the slick sheets covering my body and the soft pillow under my head. The smell of roses and leather lingered softly around me and I smiled, knowing exactly where I was. I stretched out my arm through the mattress, trying to find him at the other side of the bed. However, I found nothing and I sighed, disappointed. It wasn’t a surprise, after all. He didn’t sleep much, but a part of me expected to have him by my side when I woke up. I expected that, after my nightmare, he would stay. But it had to be very boring to stay a lot of hours in bed if you couldn’t sleep, though, so I didn’t blame him.

I rolled over the mattress until I touched the nightstand, searching for the light and its button. Turning it on and slipping out of the bed, I stood up, stepping sleepily towards the door. While walking through the corridor, I wondered where he was. I couldn’t hear anything, so he wasn’t in the main rooms. I made a face, not daring to open any door I didn’t open before; I still felt unsure about it. So, before that, I decided to visit Valerie’s sanctuary.

When I walked in, I sensed the scent of the roses embracing me. V had replanted the flowers. I made a face, thinking that the ones that had been there a year before had dried and died eventually because I wasn’t strong enough to come back. However, I had not much time to dig into my guilt, so my heart soared at the sight of the woman.

I hugged myself, looking at the posters and the photos, feeling emotive all of a sudden. It was true that, even if we hadn’t been alive at the same time, and the way I met her wasn’t trough herself, I felt an emotional connection with her, after all. Her words had been a soothing rain in my mind sometimes when I needed to remember to be strong during those months. I wished with all my soul that she had found Ruth in heaven, after suffering so much in her life. I wished they were in a happy place, living their love how it should have been on Earth.

I found a matches’ box near the candles, and I decided to light up some. I closed my eyes, sending a silent prayer to her, a silent thank you for the piece of her freedom that lived in me now. Sighing, opening my eyes again, I approached the roses, leaning over to feel their scent more intensely. I passed my fingertips softly over their petals, caressing them, sensing a delight that made me feel relieved.

I had only seen them on my nightmares since the Fifth and I didn’t like the idea of them turning into something so dark. They were one of V’s symbols and too important to become a bad trigger on my mind. They were redder, softer and more beautiful in real life, and I felt glad that touching them didn’t make me feel bad.

Soon after, I heard a door opening in the background and soft steps walking around. I smiled for myself, the excitement to see him creeping to my chest. However, I didn’t move. The steps stopped right behind me and I shivered, knowing he was now right under the arch of the sanctuary.

“I was about to go to wake you up,” V said, softly.

“I guess my body is already used to wake up by itself,” I muttered, turning around.

I breathed in, discreetly, at the sight of V, backed with a hand on the entrance, a dream that was no more just part of my nights.

I walked to him, encircling his body with my arms without leaving myself much time to feel self-conscious. “Good morning,” I smiled, looking at him.

“Good morning,” I noticed the smile in the gentleness of his voice and it warmed my heart. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well,” I tilted my head a little, “considering my little nightmare,” I made a face, apologetically. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

“It has surprised me, indeed,” he rose his hand to caress my hair. “I’m so sorry that my departing has ruined even your sleep,” V said, also full of apology.

“Don’t worry,” I shook my head, giving him a brief smile. “It’s all over. I’m sure it will stop now we’re together.”

V sighed softly, his hand sliding to cup my cheek. I smiled broadly, leaning into his warm palm. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” I blurted out. “I could use a good breakfast, in fact. The reunion today with the organization will be tough... And long too, probably.”

He made a sound of interest. “I have to admit I’m very much interested in the function of the shelters and the organization. Maybe you could explain to me how you work, if it’s not a secret, while I cook something for breakfast.”

“Sounds perfect,” I gave him a nod, happily.

We made our way to the kitchen and I sat on a chair while he started to get things out of the fridge after asking me what I fancied that morning.

“So, tell me, Lady Revolution:” he started, taking off his gloves, this time more securely, making me smile inevitably at the confidence, “how are you managing _la révolution_?”

I blushed, uttering a growl, embarrassed, covering my face with my hands for a moment. “So, you know they call me that,” I muttered.

“I do,” he sniggered.

I sighed, shaking off the embarrassment. “Well… I have to say I have little merit in the way the organization works. They were pretty well established when I joined in,” I explained. “The shelters were started by Bel and Jeremy, who are cousins. They both come from a family that had strong positions in the party and huge monetary power. Bel was an only child and her mother had died when she was little. His father hit and manipulated her, and then used her as a trophy daughter with his colleges. Jeremy’s parents were training him to lead the hotels' chain they owned when they had retired, which was strongly connected with turbid affairs of the party. However, he was more interested in technology and computers… And that people didn’t discover he is gay. After the Fifth, they joined forces and destroyed their family. Jeremy muddied her parents to the point they got arrested and judged and falsified enough papers to make Bel the owner of all the possessions her dad had. Then, she put a gun on his head and threatened him to end up as his brother, in jail, or killed by her own hand, if he didn’t leave the country forever.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. I’ve noticed she has a strong personality,” he said, tilting his head while cracking an egg.

“Oh, yes. She has,” I laughed. “After the mess, and reaching their freedom, they decided to dedicate their lives and efforts to make this country better. They turned a couple of huge subterranean warehouses, owned by the party and the hotels' chain, into shelters for those who left their fascist families, had been released from unfair imprisonment or in need for whatever reason. Soon after, they found a house out of the city that had belonged to a landlord that had fled the country before the tyranny and restored it to turn it into the biggest shelter and our main operating base. The organization was created then, to manage the shelters and plan the work and events to be involved in. Every shelter has a main organizer and a few persons from the organization, who work together.”

“What about the other girl?” He asked, radiating curiosity by my explanation.

“Maria? Well, she was a friend of Bel who left her family, all a bunch of right-wingers that were in favour of the tyranny. She confronted them and left her home with nothing but her strength. She had been obliged to study economics, so she’s a huge help with the resource’s managing.”

“Interesting,” he hummed, raising his head for a moment, thinking. “Strays and fugitives…”

“Those who have nothing to lose are the ones who risk the most, by what I’ve seen,” I said, noticing I was looking at him sadly suddenly. I was glad he was too focused on cooking. “But it’s necessary to risk to have something again.”

“Indeed,” he agreed. “Tell me about how you joined them.”

I was hesitant for a moment, knowing I had to talk about Eric again, but I went on with my explanation anyway.

“They contacted Eric, thanks to Jeremy, who had made the connection between us and tracked him. They thought I was working alone and were interested in having me by their side. They were so interested that even offered to let me lead, even when the rebel cell doesn’t work like that. They thought I knew what you did, that you had trained me or something…” I uttered a laugh, being able to recall perfectly how I felt back then. “And soon they realized I wasn’t prepared at all. But I wanted to help, to fight. I thought it was fair that if you let me chose and I decided to blow up the Parliament in the end… I couldn’t disappear and spend the rest of my life crying in bed, leaving the rest of the country fight by themselves. It felt like a responsibility, with you, with them, and with myself,” I sighed. “But I have to say most of my work has been cooking, fixing furniture, healing wounds, stealing supplies from the provisional government… Riots and demonstrations are the briefest part of being in the rebel cell.”

He spun around with a plate in his hand. Stepping towards me, he left it before me, in the table, and leaned over me, supporting himself on the chair’s back.

“I think you’ve done a great job,” he said, gently. “Even if I was worried every time you went out there to fight, I was delighted by your strength.”

His words, the tone he used to compliment me, made me blush furiously. I cleared my thoughts, looking away for a moment. I didn’t feel strong at all, when V was before me, being so gentle and loving. It was too much.

“It wouldn’t have been possible without you,” I answered right away. “And all my strength, all my knowledge… Is because of you. You made me the woman I am.”

“No, I didn’t,” V refuted, keeping the gentleness in his voice. “I just helped. You’ve always been like this.”

I tilted my head, giving him a look of disagreement, but I didn’t try to rebut his affirmation. I just sighed, softening my expression. “Even so, I could’ve used a bit more of your knowledge.”

He exhaled heavily, and I didn’t know if it was of sorrow or proudness. “You’ve managed pretty well without me.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t need you, from time to time,” I explained, not being able to contain the sadness that was poured into my words unintentionally. “I always felt like I needed you, though.”

V stiffed a bit, and straightened up, grabbing his gloves, resting on the counter, and putting them on. Then, he came to me again, sitting in front of me.

“You have me now, Evey,” V muttered. “I promised you I’ll stay by your side and I will, as long as you want. You offered help to the broken soul of mine and, likewise, I’ll always be willing to be your aid, whenever you need, however you need me.”

My voice couldn’t have produced any word at that moment. I was speechless, powerless, not having expected that the breakfast would turn into a vow.

“I won’t get into the revolution; I need this to be clear. My former purpose was fulfilled, completed during that Fifth of November, but I’ll never deny you help, guidance or protection if you need it. You just have to ask me.”

“You talk like I’m your purpose, for real,” I muttered, sounding a bit conflicted by his offering.

“I’ve just had a purpose in this new life and it’s over,” V sighed then, seeming downcast for a moment. “After surviving, I, indeed, felt lost, devoid of path or mission. I would have let myself die if it wasn’t because I knew you were out there, somewhere. I suspected you would be in danger, so I decided to carry on just to make sure you would be alright. So, no… You’re not my purpose, as you imply; you are more than that.”

I couldn’t move or talk. I just could hear his soft words, feeling I was already trembling from emotion, and sat there, melting.

“You are my reason to keep living,” V told me, all his love radiating through his words. “And you can’t imagine how I’ll treasure forever what you did last night, what you told me. You gave me a lesson. You made me realize there’s still something I want to fight for. For twenty years, I only knew vengeance, until you walked into my life. You awoke feelings and hopes that I never had before. I thought that was one-sided, and that even if it was mutual, I didn’t deserve it, nor you deserved this wreckage I am… But I am weak before you, Evey. I’m not strong enough to stay away anymore after the way you’ve returned to me… If I have a purpose now is fight for us and be your partner, the best I can.”

I got up, walking to him and sitting on his lap. His breath caught when I trapped his mask between my hands and pressed a kiss against its lips. He encircled me with his strong arms, pulling me closer, and soon I felt the pressure from the other side of the mask. I heard him pant when I broke the kiss, and that sound almost made me melt completely. I laughed softly, feeling I was about to cry from happiness.

“You’re the best,” I mumbled against the mask’s lips.

“I’m not,” he answered, breathlessly.

“Stubborn too,” I continued at his answer, furrowing, but the smile not leaving my expression. I rested my forehead against its one and V panted softly. “We’re going to make this work. Trust me.”

“I hope you’re right,” he murmured. “But, now, you should eat before it gets cold.”

“True,” I muttered, making a face, and pressing myself more against him. “But I’m don’t want to move, honestly. I’m too good here, right now.”

“Evey,” he breathed out and I sensed the warmth of his body heating up.

Reluctant and against the will of my heart, I pulled away, standing up and returning to my chair. V stood up to, starting his cleaning task, completely quiet. I ate while he was doing so, giving his back to me, and I observed him, not being able to take my eyes off him.

When I got out of the bedroom, dressed with the change of clothes I had in my backpack, in case everything went alright and I had to spend the night there, V was already waiting for me at the entrance. I stood before him, gazing at the mask and smiling briefly, sensing the hesitation in his silence.

“I’ll be safe,” I said, assuring him. “And I’ll be back around six; seven at most. I’ll try to carry all my things today; I don’t have much, so it won’t be a problem… I think. Would you help me place them when I come back?”

“Of course,” V answered, sounding pleased, which warmed my heart.

“Maybe you can think where would be alright to put them,” I muttered, a bit unsure about insinuating anything.

“I’ll clear some space in the closet,” he rose his hand to my cheek, caressing me gently. I leaned into the touch, feeling even more reluctant to go. “Anything else you need?”

I blushed slightly, looking at him. “A goodbye kiss would be alright,” I mumbled with a soft voice. Almost all our kisses until then, I had been the one to search them, even if he had returned them from the other side.

V breath hitched. Nevertheless, he approached right away, leaning over, staying at mere inches for a few seconds. I could feel his eyes on mine, even if I couldn’t see them through the obscure concealing. V closed the distance completely, pressing the mask’s hard lips, warmed by his own heat, against mine. The pressure on the other side met my mouth and I couldn’t help let out a little sigh. When he straightened up, I noticed my legs were already trembling because of his touch. He caressed my face a bit more, before taking his hand away too, returning to me again that sensation of sudden coldness at the lack of him. Definitely, I didn’t want to go.

“I don’t want to go now,” I admitted in a whisper.

He sniggered, the mask lowering slightly, seeming a bit embarrassed. “I’ll be right here, waiting for you. Don’t worry.”

“Even so…” I sighed, tilting my head. “I should go now,” I grabbed his hand, taking it to my mouth and leaving a soft kiss on it. “I love you.”

V seemed a bit startled with my gesture, so he kept quiet. I held back a burst of laughter; he was being cute again. After this, I opened the door and crossed it, back to my way to the upper world.

I didn’t have time to park the quad, when I saw Maria and Bel on the porch, clearly waiting for me. I stopped in front of the entrance instead of driving to the garage, knowing they wanted to scream a little bit.

I hadn’t taken off the helmet that they had ran to me already and were radiating excitement, bouncing almost.

“Talk!” Maria inquired, “Did it work?”

Staying silent for a moment, I looked at them, one after the other, taking off the helmet.

“God, Evey! Say something!” Bel protested, “I’m dying! Did it work?”

I smiled widely and nodded. Both of them uttered a strange sound of happiness and trapped me in an embrace. They squished me, dragging me off the quad, expressing nonstop how happy they were for me.

“So, it’s official,” Bel said, her big eyes shining when they released me. “You’re together.”

“It pretty much looks like it, yes,” I sniggered, the blush again on my face.

“You have to tell us everything,” Maria blurted out.

“Fine,” I laughed. “But, can you two, please, let me park this thing and get inside? I’m freezing. And I have to pack my things.”

They kept quiet until they processed my words and made another strange sound. I shook my head, embarrassed, already dragging the quad towards the garage.

After I had parked it, I went upstairs, to what was about to turn into my former room, where the two of them were already waiting for me, sitting on the edge of the bed. They looked like two little girls about to hear a tale.

Bel lent me one of her biggest suitcases so the little one I owned had been enough when I moved in there, so brief belongings I had back then… But now I needed something bigger. I was thinking about how I would carry that huge thing through the tunnels when they pushed me to tell them about my night. I sighed and I explained everything to them while packing my things.

“I’ll be really sad to not have you here and I’ll miss you so much…” Bel said when I finished. “But I’m so glad that you’re happy now.”

I approached Bel, moved, hugging her. “I’ll miss you too. But I’ll be here every day.”

“I know,” she pouted.

Sniggering, I went to my nightstand, so the only things left that I had to pack were those I had on its drawers. When I opened the first, I froze at the sight of a little box.

“Shit,” I gasped.

“What?” Bel said, but I couldn’t respond right then.

I grabbed it. I had totally forgotten about that. My contraception pills. I should have taken one that very morning, but with all my plan that little routine had escaped my thoughts.

I had started taking them when my relationship with Eric turned physical, and we did it enough times for me to consider taking them. Even after we broke up, I didn't stop taking the Pill, because I hadn't had the time or mental space to worry about that issue. When I was mourning Eric, I wasn’t thinking about that. I took them as I did every day, just because it was a routine. I had to talk with Liam about stopping, the doctor that helped us with the wounded and got us medicines, because I knew I couldn't stop just like that. I had no other reason to use them. I had no cramps or other issues that required their proprieties, aside from the contraception. The problem was that Liam wouldn’t come in a few weeks, because in his hospital, a co-worker had started to be suspicious about him, and we decided to let him stay away for a while. Jeremy had investigated that co-worker and he had been part of the party’s Youth, which could put Liam in danger.

However, about the Pill, giving it a thought, I wasn't sure about stopping or not. I should, probably, so I wasn't expecting any sex for a long time. Maybe it would never be possible with V. He said his skin didn't hurt all the time. But, even if he could physically do it, he might never be able to do so.

That matter hadn’t crossed my mind until the moment I had seen the box. We just had reunited and I didn't think of getting into such deep and complicated matters right away. I wanted to enjoy some time with him, without worrying about the problems we would have to face at some point. Moreover, I didn't dare to talk about anything physical between us for now; the last thing I wanted was for him to feel bad for not being able to offer me something so basic. Even after what had happened, it was a certainty that he still had in mind the thoughts that made him stay away for a year. I trusted his promise, but I wouldn't risk it.

Nevertheless, if I decided to continue taking the Pill, I was aware that would be giving in to the hope of having that with him soon enough. And I knew very well that it wouldn't happen. However, I would have to take them for some time anyway, and, at some point, I would have to take them before him. But I didn’t want to.

I sighed. The best I could do was wait until I was at the shelter and take it there. It wasn't the hour I had to do it, but it was the best solution I could think of.

“Evey,” Bel called me, worried. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” I grabbed the rest of the things of the drawer and left them on the floor, sitting before the suitcase to get them into it. “It’s just that… I’ve forgotten to take the Pill today.”

“Oh, girl,” Maria laughed. “You might be fucked up, then.”

“I’m not,” I sighed.

Maria looked at me with shock. “I thought you weren’t telling us juicy details because you…” She started and gasped. “What kind of shitty reunion was that?”

“Hey,” I blurted out. “I’ve got more in one night than in two years. I call that an absolute win.”

“No, if there hasn’t been flesh,” she exclaimed, almost offended, and turned to Bel. “Bel,” she claimed her support in a high-pitched voice.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Bel furrowed. “Leave Evey’s sexual life alone. It’s none of your business.”

Maria grunted, letting herself fall back on the bed. Bel gazed at me then, and I noticed in her eyes that she knew something worried me.

After that, we went to the Red Salon, where most of the organization was already reunited. We had two reunions per month, and I hadn’t seen many of them since the reunion we had in the middle of December. I lost the January ones, so I was recovering still. When I approached to greet them and talk before the reunion started, I received much interest regarding my health. Every one of them assumed that my happiness and good mood that day was because of that. If only they knew…

The beginning of the reunion was directed by Maria and her crew, as always, to expose the monetary situation and supplies level of the shelters. Then, Jeremy explained that had been trying to track the woman that attacked me and find the reason for the bomb. What had happened on New Year’s Eve didn’t make sense, so the opposition hadn’t had the resources to do something like that until the end of January, supposedly. However, he had found barely anything. Also, regarding that, Bel manifested that the rebels were a little bit scared after the attack and the demonstrations were weakening drastically. We agreed that our investigation had to be more exhaustive to get to the opposition plans. They had dynamited a whole edification, not related to the rebels, and there had to be a reason behind it. Some of the organization expressed their worry for me, thinking that they could be trying to kill me, and crush the morale of the revolution with it. I explained that I was taking special care of my security and that I had moved into a place where I would be safer than at the shelters, in case we had a mole infiltrated or anything like that happened. I saw Bel’s astonishment when I started talking, but she hid it right away. Discussed these points, the reunion dissolved after two hours.

Bel’s crew got into the office to make the after-reunion paperwork and Maria, Jeremy, Bel and I sat together in the armchairs, near to each other, moving them in a little circle. Jeremy had been surprised for my news too, so he needed an explanation. I noticed, while talking about V, that his eyes shone with slight fear, probably recalling his little accident with him.

When the time for them to leave to their respective shelters arrived, Jeremy gave us a thing he had done. I had to look at it for a while, before recognizing it was a beeper. Considering the situation in which we were in, and starting to get paranoid about the incident on New Year’s Eve, he thought they would be useful to keep us communicated without having problems. It was an obsolete system, that was true, but I thought that it would be nice to be able to send Bel a message if something happened, now that we wouldn’t be living together. Also, he had made them impossible to tap and the messages disappeared five minutes after arriving, so they didn’t store any information in case of being stolen or lost.

The day at the shelter passed by as always. However, this time I found myself counting every hour, eager to finish my work that day, wanting to return to V, waiting for me in the depths of the city.

At five, I was already so nervous, cutting onions for cooking that night’s dinner, that Bel took the knife off my hands and pushed me out of the kitchen.

“Bel, what…?” I started, babbling.

“You’re over for today,” she said, smiling knowingly. “You can go home now.”

I would have opposed any other day, but it wasn’t just another day. Bel helped me to take the suitcase downstairs and fix it to the quad.

“Okay, now tell me what’s wrong,” she said, backing against the quad after we had dragged it out of the garage.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Evey,” she gave me a look.

I sighed. “Fine,” I gave in, backing too on the quad, by her side, hugging myself, trying to protect me from the cold wind. “I’m thinking about stopping taking the Pill.”

“Why?” Bel muttered, looking at me while I had my gaze on the façade of the shelter.

“I don’t think I need them anymore.”

She was silent for a moment. “Is that bad, for real?”

I turned to her, knowing what she meant. “I’ve just seen his hands and, well, it was a huge burn. But it’s not a problem for me. However, he…” I felt a stab of sorrow crossing my chest. “He might never be able to show me. Let’s not talk about getting physical.”

“And… Are you fine with that?” Bel pressed her lips in a thin line, worried.

“Of course,” I answered right away. “If he’s never ready, it’ll be alright. I respect his boundaries.”

“That could be a life of chastity, you know?” She arched a brow.

“I do. And I rather have that life than any other without him.”

Bel huffed, hugging herself too from the cold. “You do love this man,” she uttered. “But, even so, you’re sad about stopping the Pill, because you know what that implies.”

I shifted, uncomfortable and Bel sighed, tired. “I think you have let the things flow. His desire for you might be more powerful than his own fears, in the end. You’ve been together for a few hours. Just wait.”

“But I don’t want to make him feel pressured or uncomfortable. At some point, I would have to take it in front of him.”

“Just do it casually, as if it’s not a big deal,” she shrugged her shoulders. “You can claim you take it because of cramps or something, even.”

I shook my head, denying that possibility. “I’ve lived with him before. He knows I’m alright those days.”

“Then just explain it to him. It’ll be alright. You’ll see. Trust me.”

I sighed, nodding eventually. She was probably right. I was worrying too much over that.

After saying goodbye to her and starting to drive my way back, I felt how my worries were turning into excitement. I had been waiting for that moment all day, the moment to return to his side. I just needed to think about that, leaving complicated matters for later on.

With that idea on mind, I repeated the way I walked the day before, but this time my nervousness was clean of doubt and I carried a huge suitcase that was making my life impossible while walking on the rails. Its wheels were making a strong echo on the tunnel and got stuck on the rails continuously.

I was glad when I finally arrived at the tunnels near the Gallery, panting after two whole minutes of trying to lift the suitcase to the platform. Once I caught my breath a bit, I started to walk faster through the infrastructure, my heart soaring at the knowledge I was getting closer to the Shadow Gallery, my home now.

Once I got inside and I secured the door behind me, I felt like I was out of breath, this time not because of the backpack.

“V?” I mumbled, dragging the suitcase to the hall, expecting to see him there.

However, he wasn’t there. I paid attention, trying to discern the sound of the shower or something, but everything was extremely quiet.

For a moment, I thought that maybe he had gone out, but I cast it aside right away. I had told him I would be there at that very hour; six o’clock had struck not long ago. I sighed, dragging the suitcase to the bedroom. He wasn’t there either.

V had to be on one of the formerly forbidden rooms. I sighed, taking off my coat and placing it on the top of the suitcase, taking a moment to decide if stay in the known space or search for him. I opted for this second option, even when I didn’t feel fully confident yet.

I got out of the room, looking at the wooden doors of the hallway, finding very soon that one of them wasn’t totally closed. Tentatively, I approached, pushing it slowly with my hand. Behind the door, I found a modest room, decorated with some paintings on the walls and a huge Persian rug covering most of the floor. At the back, the wall was covered by bookshelves full of books, with a big table before it. In the middle of the room, there was a black sofa, large and even more spacious than the one in the living room, placed right before a fireplace. However, there was no fire; the only thing that illuminated the place was the lamp on the table. But there was enough light to show me the man sitting on the sofa, reading.

V closed the book right away, at the very moment I stepped inside the new room, standing up and coming closer to me. I met him in front of the fireplace.

“Welcome, Evey,” V said.

“Hi,” I smiled briefly, feeling my chest tingling with excitement. “I’ve thought for a moment you were out.”

“I was waiting for you. But I wasn’t expecting you this early, in fact.”

“Bel has kicked me out, practically,” I sniggered, hugging myself.

“Why?”

I laughed softly, looking down for a moment. “Let’s say I wasn’t very focused on my tasks.”

V shifted a bit at my words, knowing perfectly he was the reason. I came closer, grabbing one of his gloved hands. “I just wanted to come back and see you,” I whispered.

He breathed in deeply, letting out a heavy sigh right after. The mask lowered, as his gaze did, now fixed on our hands. V caressed my skin softly, sending hot shivers through my body.

“I have to admit,” he began to talk in a soft voice “that I felt unable to wait to the moment you crossed that door again.”

Every time he spoke like that, unguarded and uncovered, with his tenor voice even deeper, it tore me completely, in a good and sweet way. His words resounded softly inside my ears, clouding my mind as if I was in a dream.

I closed the distance completely, letting go of his hand to encircle my arms around his body. Resting my head on his chest, I heard how his heartbeat went crazy. V returned the hug, taking a hand to my curls, passing his fingers through them softly.

Eventually, I pulled away, though he didn’t make any move to break the hug before that. I smiled slightly, clearing my throat.

“What is this place?” I mumbled, trying to shake off my embarrassment.

“My study.”

“It’s very nice,” I looked around before fixing my eyes on him again, “and cosy.” I declared, “I didn’t know there was a fireplace around here.”

“I don’t use it much,” he admitted.

“That’s a shame,” I said, approaching it and leaning over it, noticing that, effectively, there weren’t much use signals on the stone walls that conveyed that space.

Right after having said those words, I straightened up, pushed upwards by a sharp question that had popped up on my mind. I turned to him, unsure to ask, but aware I needed to know that particular piece of information about V.

“Does fire,” I began, hesitant, “make you uncomfortable… Or something?”

He kept quiet for a few seconds when I just heard my anxiety ringing in my eardrums. “No, it doesn’t,” he said, at last, approaching me. “Why does it worry you?”

“Everything that can make you uncomfortable or suffer worries me,” I explained firmly. “I needed to know if this was a problem, to avoid potential situations that could be hurtful.”

I saw his perfect posture breaking a little and I knew that he was surprised, not used to be an object of worry and care. It was heartbreaking to witness. Sometimes I felt I would never grasp totally how love and affection had been beyond him for twenty years, probably more. If he ended up at Larkhill, who knows what kind of life he had before forgetting. Maybe he hadn’t been loved at all. Maybe he hadn’t known true love and happiness, neither in his past life, not in his new one… Well, not until now.

“Will you help me to place my things?” I said, trying to move on from those thoughts.

“Of course.”

The next hour and a half we spent it placing my belongings around the Gallery. I hadn’t much, mainly clothes, so placing my movies in the hall and the rest on the bathroom was the least. About the bathroom things, I almost put them on the other one, but V caught me before doing so. He offered me to place them on the bedroom’s one, so the room was ours now. I was worried that that would be a problem, but I accepted, trusting he had thought about it beforehand.

My clothing was the most boring part. However, being with him made it a lot better. He seemed a little downcast for a moment when we finished and stared at our clothes hanging inside the closet, side by side. It was like seeing a colourful landscape next to a day of rain. I could feel his thoughts while he stared at it and I distracted him right away, telling him that maybe it was time to cook something for dinner.

He cooked while I took a shower for the first time in the bedroom’s bathroom. It didn’t have much, but was much more elegant than the other one, with walls and floor of shinny marble and elegant furniture. At the very end, there was a big tub, almost like a jacuzzi, next to a little shower in the corner.

V sat with me during dinner, even if he didn’t eat anything, and asked me about the reunion and my day in general. I told him everything, except for the Pill thing, and he listened to me attentively.

After dinner, I was a bit sleepy, but I didn’t want to go to bed yet, so I blurted out the first idea that came to my mind: watch a movie together. He seemed up for it, while he was drying his hands after washing the implements he had used.

V asked me what I wanted to see and I just smiled alluringly at him; he seemed to understand right away. A few minutes after that, we were sitting on the sofa, side by side, closer than we had ever sat together, seeing The Count of Montecristo.

Eventually, I dared to curl against his side, resting my head on his shoulder and hugging his arm. And, without being able to avoid it, rocked by the happiness and the pace his warmth gave me, I ended up falling asleep in the middle of the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> This has been a more relaxed chapter after the rollercoaster thas was the past one... But it won't last. Enjoy this homey bit, meanwhile. I'll be back posting this weekend, probably. <3
> 
> Thank you, as always, for the kudos and the comments! It's very heartwarming. <3 
> 
> See you soon xx


	10. We're caught up in the crossfire of heaven and hell

Two weeks after the moment everything began from anew with V, the past seemed to start blurring already, both of us surrounded by a new routine now, which brought an atmosphere of calmness and steadiness. Every day was similar to the past one and each of them seemed a paradise, compared with the pain we had felt before, apart, broken and alone.

The first days after my return, I noticed he wasn’t absolutely comfortable. At first, I feared that we had been too fast in living together again, but soon I realized his behaviour wasn’t because of my presence. He was just trying really hard to be careful as if he worried constantly about hurting me at the slightest. And, even if he didn't mind at all, he still stiffed most of the times when I was near him, not necessarily touching him, as unused as he was to human closeness. At first, it made me feel a little sad until I started to see how flustered he became, how cute he looked every time I expressed my love for him, in any way.

There were other things that didn’t stop bothering me, however. He laid down with me every night, waiting for me to fall asleep or sleeping by my side for a while if he needed some rest. Nevertheless, he did it with his mask on and his day clothes and I worried at how uncomfortable that had to be. One night, after my shower, and knowing he was at the kitchen cooking dinner, I searched among his clothes in the closet and its drawers. I needed to confirm something and I did, effectively: I found a few sets of pyjamas on one of his drawers. They were very soft and slippery, probably because their material was gentle with his skin. However, they were normal pyjamas, without nothing that covered his neck and part of his chest. I wanted for him to be more comfortable around the Gallery, but I didn't know how, without pushing him to show what he didn't want to.

Aside from that, everything was perfect. I treasured mornings and nights like I didn't before, so now they were the moments we had to enjoy our new dynamic. Every morning, he woke me up, and if I woke up before he did, I faked I was still asleep, just to feel his gentle fingers caressing my hair and hear his whispered words. Then, he cooked for me and sat with me while I ate, always willing to make small talk and keep my company, even if I was pretty groggy. And, after spending my day at the shelter, I came back to him and he always asked me how my day had been. Some nights I helped him to cook dinner if I had enough energy. And, after dinner, we usually watched a movie, danced or read together.

My nightmares were vanishing too. The first nights that damned dream returned to break my sleep, waking me up in the middle of the night. However, it wasn’t as bad as before. I woke up a bit disoriented and disturbed, but V was always there to hold me while I fell asleep again. After two weeks, it didn’t even wake me up. I had dreamed it a few times, but in the morning, it was blurred on my mind.

Moreover, I was really excited about a specific festivity that was a few days away. I had never been much interested in Valentine’s Day because, even if the concept of the festivity seemed cute enough, I never had the right person to celebrate it with. I had never been in love before. But now I was with the only man I had loved in my life and wanted to do something that day.

The problem resided in the fact that I was out of ideas. Every moment with him felt so perfect, so romantic… That I couldn’t imagine how to make that day more romantic even. And I wasn’t sure if he would be interested in celebrating such a thing, as he seemed oblivious before any other festivity aside from the Fifth of November. Probably he wouldn’t be, but I wanted to get him something as a gift anyway.

I racked my brain over the issue, totally clueless about what to gift to a man as unconventional as V was. But, one day, when I was with Bel at the shelter’s kitchen, getting ready to start cooking dinner, I saw the light.

“What’s on the menu today?” I asked her, already cleaning my hands on the little sink near the entrance.

“Salad, soup and meat cake,” she answered, looking at the kitchen’s planning, stuck to its door.

Then, it hit me.

“That’s it!” I exclaimed out loud, not realizing I did until I saw Bel looking at me questioningly.

A cake. I would bake a chocolate cake for him.

I had spent enough time with him to realize there were not many sweet things around home and he had always cooked for me. V had never eaten food that was made for him to enjoy, had never tasted the savour of a plate made with love.

I hatched a plan immediately. Bel had insisted that I should stay with him on Valentine’s Day, claiming that it wouldn’t be a hard day at the shelter, even if I knew it wasn’t true. Every day was hard at the shelter and even more considering the situation we were in. Jeremy was close to discovering something and he asked us to be ready to go out for the hunt at any moment. We hadn’t had many missions of hunting, so the core of the opposition cell was very well hidden, but sometimes we had found some of their minions wandering around the streets. We had followed them whenever we spotted one if Jeremy thought they would lead us to the leaders. They never did, and it was frustrating, especially for Jeremy. We kept trying, anyway.

Despite this, Bel convinced me easily, so excited as I was to have a whole day with him, something I hadn’t had yet. I asked her to get me a few hours of freedom in the kitchen on the Thirteenth as a favour if it was possible, so I could make the cake. She laughed a bit at my idea as if she was mocking me, but I noticed her eyes were shining with tenderness. She assured me I would have those hours.

It was the Eleventh already, just a few days away from Valentine’s Day. I was coming back home through the tunnels, just as always, thinking how V would react when he saw my gift for him, the very first one he would be receiving in this new life. When I crossed the Gallery’s door, I heard the squealing of a sword against metal with Beethoven playing in the background right away. I smiled, walking slowly towards the living room, finding him practising with his foil against the armour. I backed against an arch, being discrete, feeling the urge on my accelerated heart to contemplate him.

V had the natural capacity of taking my breath away, in too many ways. I wasn’t very sure that was good for my heart. He looked so powerful, so elegant with every movement of his body… There was no space for errors or for false moves; just for the fire that burned inside his soul, that passion that made him the man he was. I hadn’t witnessed that part of him since the day of the riot, that strength that wasn’t totally human. But he was very human, indeed; more than he thought. Even so, in moments like that, V appeared to be someone ethereal, too extraordinary, too formidable to be a terrestrial man.

I sensed how my cheeks were already turning red at the sight of him, and I breathed in deeply, trying to cool down. He noticed me then, seeming startled for a moment.

“Evey,” he breathed out. “I haven’t heard you. My apologies.”

“Don’t worry,” I smiled, walking to him. “I was enjoying the view.”

He panted, bending over a bit, embarrassed. I laughed softly, admiring how he could go from a fierce stoic warrior to a soft man just like that.

“How was your day?” He asked, as always.

“Well,” I sighed, “A pipe of one of the bathrooms on the fourth floor has blown up, and half of the hall has flooded, so you can imagine. I revolt against the tyranny and pipes revolt against me.”

V sniggered and I looked at him fondly. He had laughed more in those two weeks than in the whole time we spent together before the Fifth. I had been thinking about what his age could be and decided he had to be between his later thirties to his middle forties. Anyhow, he sounded younger when he laughed, and I would be lying if I said it hadn’t become one of my weaknesses.

I took the sword from his hand and I looked at it, weighing it, sensing its lightness on my fingers.

“You should teach me some of your moves, definitely,” I said, giving him a sly smile, gazing at him sideways. “I think I’ll need them.”

“Whenever you want,” V responded kindly, “Even though I don’t think the sword would serve you right out there.”

“Well, the knives then. Can you grab them to teach me or have you forbidden yourself from that too?”

When I moved in, I took his knives with me, obviously, and decided to return them to V. However, he didn’t accept them back. He said they were mine now and that he wouldn’t use them again. He was so harshly reluctant that I didn’t insist anymore.

“I can do that,” he tilted his head with a smile in his tone. “But you manage them pretty well already.”

“But you’re the expert,” I smiled too. “However, let’s leave it for another day. I just need to relax for a while and have a long, refreshing sleep. I’m sure something else will break tomorrow at the shelter.”

“That’s it. I can’t. You won’t sleep like that tonight.”

V turned to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, halfway taking his booths off. He knew what I meant and I saw the tension building up in his muscles, through his shirt. I couldn’t sleep another night with him being in those clothes; the guilt was killing me. I managed to bear it for two whole weeks, but not anymore.

“We have to find a solution to this. You can’t sleep in your day clothes forever.”

“I’m alright. There’s no need…” He started.

“No way,” I cut him off. “I won’t swallow that. There’s no way you’re not uncomfortable. And I know you didn’t sleep like this before. I’ve seen your pyjamas.”

He stiffed more and I sighed.

“I won’t ask you to take your mask off or anything,” I added right away, almost sensing what he was thinking. “I’m just saying we have to find a way you’re more comfortable or I won’t sleep well.”

V let out a sigh too, taking his boots off at last and looked away for a moment. I didn’t pressure him. We had to figure out those things together and I wanted to be very respectful with his limits.

Eventually, he moved, facing me, so slowly it made me a bit scared. “Will you be content if I only take my shirt off?” V asked with a faint voice.

“What?” I whispered, my brain stopping every one of his functions all of a sudden at the formulation of his question.

A wave of heat started to raise up by my neck, trying to reach my cheeks, and I damned myself for it. My mind had chosen the worse moment to fail me. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice, probably too occupied with the matter I had brought up.

“I usually wear a compression layer under my clothes,” he struggled a bit with his explanation, clearly making an effort to get through his shame.

I clenched my teeth, feeling slight guilt about making him talk about his skin, but it was inevitable in that context. “That doesn’t sound very comfortable either,” I muttered.

“It is. That’s why I use it,” V answered. “It helps, in the worst days especially.”

“Are you having a bad day?” I furrowed in worry. He was always so collected and used to it that maybe he didn’t feel the need to express it. But I wanted to know when he wasn’t feeling totally alright, just to be aware of it and bring some soothing, in the ways that were possible… If there were any.

“No,” he responded at the moment, “I’m alright. I wear it most of the time.”

I hummed, understanding, but feeling uneasy at the thought of his skin hurting. V approached me on the bed, placing a gentle hand on my cheek and caressing my skin with his thumb. He sighed heavily, his breath arriving at my lips through the mask, tingling my skin. “Is that fine?” He asked softly. “Are you content with that?”

“Just if you are,” I muttered.

V didn’t talk right away. “I think I will be,” he said, his voice soft too.

He took his hand away from me and freed them of the gloves. I held my breath unintentionally, sensing a strange expectation at the sight. V took off his black vest, leaving it on the nightstand. Then, he rose his fingers to the first button of the sheer grey shirt he was wearing. Unbuttoning one after the other, he made visible the black fabric that was under his clothes, really slowly. When the shirt was open, he let it fall off his shoulders, freeing himself from it completely.

I didn’t pay attention to how he folded it with great fineness or how he left it over the vest on the nightstand, as surprised as I was with the vision before me. The compression shirt he wore covered his neck, not leaving any skin in sight, except for his hands. However, it made a poor job in hiding the shape of his body.

I always assumed he was in good shape and that he was muscular under his clothes, but I didn’t imagine it would be like that. He was very muscular, indeed. There was no part of his arms and trunk that wasn’t well defined. He had strong arms and broad shoulders, and his back made a perfect and strong arch. The shirt showed perfectly the volume of his pectorals and the lines of his abs and sides.

He put on his gloves again and kept his gaze down before turning to me once more. The feeling on his eyes on me startled me slightly, making me raise my look to his mask right away, suddenly embarrassed for staring that much.

How did that man think he was a monster? I didn’t get it at all.

V shifted and I noticed I was blushing furiously, not being able to help it. However, I refused to feel embarrassed this time. I loved him with all of me and every part of him he revealed to me, which I didn’t know, was beautiful. He was, all of him. I didn’t need to see his face or the rest of his body to know that; it was a fact for me. So, there was no way I could resist to react to V’s marvelousness.

“You’re beautiful, you know?” I whispered, grabbing one of his hands and guiding him into the bed, making space for him.

He got inside with me, covering us with the sheets. He was barely breathing when he laid down and I felt like I wasn’t, either. “I’m not,” he uttered softly.

“I don’t think my powers of observation are failing me yet. So, you definitely are,” I argued, approaching him, leaving our bodies at mere inches apart.

He panted softly and the sound gave me a strong shiver. I placed a soft kiss on the mask’s lips, feeling drawn to V by an invisible force, the magnetism between our souls that clouded my mind whenever I had him that close.

My belly tingled with a hard need, I was trying with all of me to push away, but I was too weak… Too weak to resist. I had to, though. I had accepted that I wanted him that desperately, that I couldn’t help the need to touch him or kiss him, and the desire to rip his clothes off and make love to him. I never had considered such things, so there was no possibility of closeness before. Maybe there wasn’t now either… However, now, I had him there and I yearned for his love more than ever. Whenever he was close, I felt like I was holding my breath, scared that he noticed the feeling that was slowly increasing inside me. I wanted our relationship to be chaste if that was what he needed, but all of him pulled me down to madness on moments like that. I felt I would go crazy if I couldn’t touch him, love him in every human way possible. Those last days I had found myself dreaming too much of kissing him, of his real lips on mine, and the way his bare skin would feel on me. I dreamed of making love to him, of conveying all my feelings like that, knowing there were no words in any language that could describe it. I was daydreaming too much and I knew I shouldn’t. I would just rush things between us and make him feel bad and torture myself. I had to stop and, even so, I wanted to touch him so much…

V cleared his throat when I pulled away. “Do you want me to turn off the light?”

“Yes,” I answered softly, feeling that would be the best for my poor soul.

He rolled over and turned it off, leaving ourselves in the darkness.

A beeping sound woke me up and I recognized instantly. I open my eyes, glancing directly at the green light that was shining on my nightstand. I reached for it fast, surpassing my sleepy state. It was a message from Jeremy: “4TH ZONE. TOWER NINE. BIRD FLU.”

I slipped out the bed right away, unsettled suddenly, turning on the lamp and walking towards the closet. Jeremy had found them. When he gave us the beepers, he explained to us the code he would use if he found a leader from the opposition. ‘Bird flu’ were the words for that. He had added a place in the code we used on our night missions.

I grabbed my incognito clothes from a drawer: a pair of black leggings, a tight turtle neck sweater and a half-face mask that covered my mouth and nose. I changed really fast, not caring if he entered the room suddenly. When I was tying my mountain boots, sat on the edge of the bed, V opened the door. He froze under the doorstep when he saw me.

“Evey,” he murmured, startled. “What’s going on?”

“Jeremy has found a leader. We’re going to get them,” I explained briefly, too occupied in getting ready as fast as I could.

I stood up, going to the bathroom and searching through the drawers for my toilet bag. He followed me, stopping by the door.

“And what’s the plan, exactly?” He asked and I sensed the hesitation in his question.

I got out a hair tie from it and tied my hair in a low ponytail. “I don’t know. There’s no plan yet, probably.”

“That’s not a very intelligent way of proceeding,” V said, full of disapproval.

“I know,” I turned to him, feeling the stress creeping on my chest. “But we’ve been looking for a strong piece of the opposition for months and it’s the first time we get one. We have to do something.”

“How can he be so sure? You said he failed in his suspicions several times,” he argued.

“It’s true, but this is different. He wouldn’t call for us in the middle of the night if he wasn’t sure.”

I walked past him, going to the closet and taking a large box out from one of its drawers. I rescued V’s knives from inside the box and put on the belt with them hanging from it around my waist. He was again by my side.

“You’re getting into a very dangerous endeavour,” he warned me.

I turned to him in slight disbelief. “Are you implying that I shouldn’t go?”

“No. I’m just concerned that you don’t have a plan in mind. You could find anything tonight and not be prepared at all to fight it.”

“That’s the story of my last year and here I am,” I said and sighed, seeing he wasn’t convinced at all. “We can’t let them escape. This could be the perfect opportunity to have a way into their cell to destroy them. The situation is getting worse and I’m afraid I don’t have two decades to hatch out a plan.”

I spun around on my feet, getting out of the room and walking towards the door. He followed me and stopped me before I could exit the Gallery.

“Evey, wait,” he asked, almost pleading.

I did, turning to look at him. He didn’t say anything right away and I saw his body growing tense slowly. I was in a rush, but before his hesitation, my impatience wavered a bit.

“I’ll be fine, V. I promise,” I stood on my tiptoes, placing a kiss on his porcelain cheek. “And I’ll be here before dawn, safe and sound.”

V was silent still and I had no more time to lose. I turned to the door, opening it and getting out of the Shadow Gallery.

I made my way up through the tunnels and wandered around the alleys like a shadow until I found a stairway that guided me to a roof. The 4th zone was the space we had traced between Westminster and Lambeth, and the Tower Nine a block we used to have a peripheric look of the zone.

It wasn’t hard to get to its roof, where Jeremy and Maria were waiting already. When I jumped, landing on its surface, they both turned to me, also concealed with their spying clothes.

“What did you find?” I said, walking to them.

“I’ve intercepted a message, sent through Morse code by radio. It was sent to a leader of the opposition cell from a seller. Supposedly, tonight, they will reunite in a building of this zone. If I have decoded well the message, they are meeting to close a deal, a massive contraband sale of explosives and arms. Very massive,” he remarked.

“Explosives?” I muttered. Arms weren’t a surprise, but explosives meant their plans included bombs. A lot of bombs. It was more than intimidation what they had in mind, more than blowing a random place just to arouse fear.

“That’s what it seems,” Maria added. “If we get them, we’ll be able to stop the contraband and avoid the upcoming attacks they have planned. And maybe we could get enough information to dismantle the cell.”

“Just if the one that shows up is the leader for real,” I said and turned to Jeremy. “Do you know anything about that?”

“For the way that the message was coded, it’s the most probable thing. It’s not reasonable that a minion comes to close such a deal.”

“Even so, if a minion shows up, they should be very well informed if they’re sent to a mission like this,” Maria crossed her arms, thinking. “They could be useful too.”

“But not as much as a leader,” Jeremy told her.

“Duh,” she blurted out, half shutting her eyes.

“Do you know where are they meeting?” I asked, looking at the city, asleep, threatened without knowing it.

“Yes. There,” he pointed at an abandoned building three blocks away from where we were.

“Hour?”

“Between three o’clock and four.”

I grunted. “That’s in thirty minutes. We need to think of something really fast,” I rubbed my forehead, grateful that V couldn’t see this. He would freak out at our lack of planning. “Where’s Bel, by the way?”

“She should be here already,” Maria sighed.

“Well, I’m afraid we’ll have to start without her. We have very little time left.”

They both nodded and we started to talk about what to do. Luckily, we had been in that building before. It was in a deplorable state and gave the impression of a place that had served as a shelter for turbid matters before, dirty mattresses, trash and syringes all around. It wasn’t even a fully constructed building; just its frame, with floors and roof. Nothing else. The problem was that we didn’t know what we were facing exactly, just as V had pointed out. There could be just two persons or a fully armed crew protecting the deal. And we were just four, not prepared at all to fight more than a number of people bigger than us.

We decided to hide in the building and watch the deal, just to follow whoever that we found from the opposition later, so it was the only way we could succeed that night. The building had three floors and we would split up to cover all of them, not knowing in which they would meet. When Bel arrived, we moved through the roofs until they reached the meeting building. We descended by a stairway that left us on the alley between both constructions and we got inside through a rear door. Maria climbed to the roof of the building in front of that, so she could examine the movement in the street and who entered and left. Bel and Jeremy and I got inside. They stayed on the ground floor, and I in the first one; the stairway to the second floor had crumbled, so it couldn’t be the place of the reunion. If the meeting would happen in the roof, Maria would warn us through the beepers and we could move to listen, somehow.

Everything was dirtier than I remembered but it was a stroke of luck that there was so much junk around. I hid behind a pile of aged furniture, crouched down. The minutes passed slowly and I waited and waited, until the hour of the meeting arrived… And passed… Until it was almost over.

A few minutes before four struck, a massive sound took over the place. Everything trembled and I got out from my hiding place before the junk fell on me. However, I stumbled, falling on the floor, my ears ringing, deafening me. Disoriented, I stayed there, until a piece of the roof collapsed on the other side of the room. I looked up, trying to see something through the dust that covered everything now. I coughed, feeling my lungs filled with the pungent scent of dust and powder. I backed on my palms, standing up and walking as fast as I could towards where I knew the stairs were. I was almost there when another piece of the floor fell, blocking it. I tried to protect myself, placing my hands before me. No piece of stone hit me, but the dust blinded me and the fire that accompanied the rubble made me impossible to breathe.

My only thought was that I had to get to a window or I would die there. However, I was incapacitated. I walked around, afraid that the floor would fall on me, rubbing my eyes and trying to see something.

Suddenly, I was covered with a thick fabric and swept from the floor, carried by a pair of arms towards the unknown. I didn’t have time to question who they were, enemy or allied, where they were taking me or why had covered me. The next thing I knew was the sound of a glass breaking, the sensation of my calf being slashed and the gravity vanishing for a moment.

They swallowed the hit against the floor and their arms loosened around me at that moment. I grunted, hurt, colliding and rolling on a hard surface. However, I didn’t have time to orient or free myself from the fabric when I stopped. They grabbed me again and I felt they running while carrying me away from there.

I was regaining my clarity of mind again, enough to protest, to wrestle, when I was left on the floor, sat against a wall and freed from the fabric. At the feeling of the clean air, I started to cough harder, trying to breathe. Soon, a few red strands of hair before me caught my attention, through my blurry gaze.

“Oh my God, Evey,” Maria breathed out, touching my face and pulling away my curls to see me. “I thought you dead for a moment.”

I saw then Jeremy and Bel sitting to in front of me, backed on the wall of that alley. And I saw V too, standing right by my side, with his back turned to me, looking at the burning building at the other side of the street.

Of course, he had saved me… Like always. I couldn’t discern how he was feeling, but I guessed I would be scolded later.

“It’s been my fault,” Jeremy said in a faint voice, his gaze down, and all of him covered in dust. “It was a trap.”

“What?” I breathed out, barely.

“The message was fake. I have a mole around me,” he explained, teary. “They know what I am doing, that we are looking for them. And they’ve sent me this to end with all of us. The bomb was ready on the second floor.”

“There’s no time for that,” V turned around. “We have to leave right now.”

He crouched down, tore a piece of his cape and rolled it around my leg, relenting the bleeding. Then, he picked me up on his arms and I encircled mine around his neck, avoiding his gaze. Maria helped Jeremy and Bel to get up and V started walking. I gazed over his shoulder, seeing them as he followed him, defeat written in their eyes.

V guided us through the alleys. When we were far enough from the place of the trap, V stopped, in a passage near where Maria’s shelter was. He turned to them and I looked at him, not knowing what he intended. Then, I realized he wouldn’t talk; he had stopped for me to say something to them, before taking me down the tunnels, probably.

The three of them looked at me as if it was my decision to make, the next step we had to take. “Can you let me down, please?” I asked him softly.

“That’s not a good idea,” he answered. “You’re hurt and bleeding. You shouldn’t back your leg.”

I sighed. It didn’t matter, I guess. I glanced at them, saddened at their downcast appearance.

“I think the best is you return to the shelters and act as if nothing has happened tonight. Let’s meet on a couple of days at Bel’s and we’ll talk about your suspicions, Jeremy,” I said, seeing how he was about to break down. “Don’t jump to conclusions yet. We could have been discovered tonight by an ex-fingerman who had warned their leaders. Maybe you were right, so don’t blame yourself. Just take care of who has access to your work these days, alright? Until we find what has happened,” I turned to Bel then. “I don’t think I would be able to walk much tomorrow, but I’ll be there the next day, okay?”

She barely nodded. I asked them to be careful in their way back to the shelters and to send a message through the beeper to the others to confirm they had arrived well, and then V walked away with me on his arms.

Soon, we were already on our way back home, through the tunnels, surrounded by a sepulchral silence, only broken by the sound of V’s boots while walking on the rails. I was so frustrated that I didn’t care about the slash on my right calf, but his lack of words was stirring inside my chest in an anxious way.

“I’m starting to lose count of how many times you’ve saved me,” I said softly when I couldn’t bear the silence anymore.

He didn’t respond.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

“No. But you’ve worried me extremely,” he answered in a slightly stern tone. “I couldn’t stay in the Gallery knowing you were putting yourself in danger in such an unnecessary way. And if I had arrived one second later…” His voice died and I felt his chest tightening.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, guilty. “But it’s my duty now.”

He sighed and I felt his muscles tensing under the shirt. “I guess I have no right to argue that,” V uttered, sounding resigned.

“You can be mad anyway,” I muttered, pressing my forehead against his neck. “I’d be if you did the same… I made you promise you wouldn’t risk your life for this and it’s senseless if I risk mine.”

“But you’re not tied to a promise. And I won’t make you promise that, just because I worry over you. It’s not viable,” he explained, still hard in his tone. “You’re the face of the revolution, the main piece that keeps it in motion. You’ll be out there in the fight.”

“Even so… You’re allowed to be a little selfish,” I muttered.

“I’ve emptied my quota of selfishness through the years, I’m afraid,” he mumbled, sounding tired all of a sudden. “But I’ll be thankful if you’re more careful about what you do, so I don’t feel the urge to chase after you every time you get out of the Gallery.”

“Alright,” I breathed out.

When we arrived at the Shadow Gallery’s door, V put me down on my feet tentatively and I gave him a reassuring smile, but I noticed it didn’t reach my eyes. He opened as fast as he could and took me in his arms again. Even if I could make my way inside, I let him do it, knowing he kind of needed to do so. He closed behind us and carried me to the sofa, putting me down there with all his gentleness. Then, crouched down, he placed his hands on my leg softly, folding the extreme of my leggings upwards, careful not to touch the wound.

“I’m afraid this needs to be sutured,” he murmured, almost inaudible.

He stood up and walked away. I sighed, closing my eyes, and feeling extremely tired. I never had that sensation of defeat before. I didn’t want to think of how Jeremy was feeling right then, either. Even if I asked not to jump to conclusions, I knew he would. He had been already mad at himself those last weeks for not having found who almost killed me on New Year’s Eve yet.

V returned with a few things from the bathroom on a little tray and left it on the coffee table. I didn’t know he could sew up wounds, but it was no surprise, to be honest. I let him do, not saying a word. He placed my leg on the couch, stretched out, his hands now covered by a pair of latex gloves. He cleaned my wound with care and I examined him as he did, so gentle as he was, slightly breathing. After having the zone cleaned of blood and dirt, he turned to the table and grabbed a package with a sterilised needle, getting it out with a needle holder. He faced my wound again, positioning himself to start the suturing.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have a local anaesthetic. Warn me if I hurt you much,” he said in a deep tone.

I nodded, even if I knew I was too used to wounds to be bothered by a few stitches by now. V started to stitch my slash with such precision and care that collided totally with the man I had seen sometimes, so brutal and powerful. It left me astonished how someone that capable of hurting could be so gentle at the same time.

I held back the pain, clenching my teeth and trying to breathe slowly. When he finished and stood on his feet to return everything to the bathroom, he turned around, showing me unintentionally how his right sleeve was split and darker with his blood.

“You’re hurt too!” I exclaimed, feeling very awake suddenly.

He flinched, having failed in his attempt of hiding it from me, clearly. “It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” I refuted.

“I’ll take care of it later.”

“No,” I uttered. “You’re bleeding still. This can’t wait.”

I stood up, backing just on my left foot, and grabbed him by the shoulders, making him sit down. “I’ll suture it,” I declared.

V tensed up at the implication that suturing him meant and he tried to get up, but I looked daggers at him. I wasn’t trying to be mean with V or push him into something he wasn’t alright with. I knew showing me his skin was hard for him. Nevertheless, something had clicked inside me at the sight of his wound, something dark and painful, and I needed to make sure that wound was healed right then.

“Evey, I can do it myself. You should rest,” he said, startled.

“Let me,” I blurted out, a little bit desperate. “I’ll have gloves on. I won’t touch. But let me do it.”

Silence. My mind was filling with anxiety at the sight of his blood, which I couldn’t stop looking at, as if it would start bleeding excessively at any moment if I gazed away. Since I joined the rebel cell, I had seen a lot of wounds and healed many of them, so it wasn’t because blood and wounds bothered me. But V wounded unsettled me, even if it was nothing serious. The last time I saw his blood, he died in my arms.

“I’ve seen your hands,” I exposed, almost pleading. “I don’t think your forearm is that different. Please.”

He wasn’t breathing again. After a quiet instant, V gave me a slight nod and I sighed, relieved.

“Where are the latex gloves?” I asked.

“Second drawer, under the bathroom sink,” he said in a low voice.

I walked away with the suture instruments how I could and he didn’t even say a word about it. It took me longer than usual to get to the bathroom, walking around the Gallery, hobbling. In the bathroom, I cleaned my hands and disinfected the instruments, grabbing a pair of scissors too. Once I had a pair of latex gloves on, I made my way back. V hadn’t moved, not a bit. I sat by his side, leaving the tray on the table again but keeping the scissors. His shirt was too tight to be rolled up and he wouldn’t take it off, so cutting it was the only option. When I grabbed his arm, as carefully as I could, he looked away. It broke my heart. Maybe he was mad at me for pushing him into that. However, I didn’t say a word and proceeded to cut his shirt. I cut the fabric slowly, first his shirt, then the compression one, careful to avoid touching the wound, revealing the skin of his forearm after a couple of minutes. As I suspected, it was just like his hands’ skin, with clearer zones, white scars where the skin had sealed up, and red places where the fire had been especially cruel.

I held my breath when I put my hands on him, with just that slight layer of latex between our skins. V tensed up, surely not because I was hurting him while cleaning the wound. At that moment, I couldn’t be focused on how his skin was, how it felt… There was just the slash. It wasn’t deep or very large, but it still unsettled me. When I started suturing him, I noticed my vision was turning blurry and my eyes started to burn.

Tears. I had tears on my eyes.

I let them fall, knowing it would be the only way they didn’t interfere in my task. V noticed somehow, maybe because I had hesitated on the second stitch a bit, and he turned to me.

“Evey,” he breathed out and let out a broken sigh. “You don’t have to see this anymore. I’ll do it.”

“It’s not because of that,” I blurted out when he leaned over, clearly wanting to stop me, and he froze. “Just… Don’t talk now. And don’t move.”

He obliged and I made the two last stitches that the wound needed and covered it with a bandage. Then, I stood up and grabbed the instruments, returning to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I cleaned everything while my tears were falling non-stop.

The most probable thing was that I had my nerves on the edge that night. Too much had happened and the recalling of the Fifth and the confirmation of how reluctant he was to let me touch him in the slightest, had been the last straw of that night.

When I had cleaned everything, I undressed and cleaned myself with a soaked towel. Then, I put on one of his bathrobes that were around there and I sat on the toilet’s cover, sniffling and trying to cry as silently as possible.

I wanted so much to love him, to give him everything… But I didn’t know how to do it without hurting him. I couldn’t even heal him without making him extremely tense and mad.

Soon after, I heard V knocking on the door and I rose my head, startled. “Evey?” He asked from the other side, softly.

“Yes?” I asked, trying to sound steady, cleaning my tears with my fingers fast.

“Are you visible?” V hesitated.

It took me a second to answer. “I guess,” I said, even when I had a terrible aspect.

“Can I get in?”

I lowered my head again. “Yes,” I answered, unsure, and the door opened at that very moment, slowly.

V stepped inside and I saw sideways that he had changed his shirt already and had his gloves on. My eyes flooded again at the sight and I dried the tears right away with the sleeves of the bathrobe.

V kneeled before me, placing a gentle hand on my tight. “Evey…” He started, sounding apologetical. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, unable to utter a word, fearing that if I tried to formulate a sentence, a sob would come out instead.

V sighed deeply. “I need you to tell me,” he asked with supreme gentleness. “I’m very lost right now.”

I breathed in, clearing my throat, gathering enough strength to talk. “I’m just emotional, I think,” I whispered. “After what has happened tonight.”

“That’s not been your fault. You just need to be more cautious and organized from now on.”

“I know,” I whispered. “So, don’t worry.”

However, V didn’t move. “What is it then? I can sense there’s more,” his thumb caressed my thigh softly. “You told me you cared about anything that could hurt me. I care about anything that hurts you, in the same way.”

He had a point there. I sniffled, still drying my tears to gain another moment of silence, deciding if it was better to delay that conversation or not. My emotions weren’t reliable and I didn’t want for him to think I was hurting so much about that issue. We had made a step that night already; I didn’t intend to pressure more. That conversation, nevertheless, would have to arrive anyway. It was senseless to delay it now it had been brought up. Talking wasn’t asking, in the end.

“I think,” I started, “I don’t handle very well seeing you wounded. It has brought some bad memories, to be honest. The last time I’ve seen you wounded, I lost you. So, well… I guess it hasn’t helped.”

V sighed and his free hand rose to my hair, placing a few of my curls behind my ear, sliding to my cheek after doing so, his covered fingertips drying my tears.

“I’m here now, Evey,” he mumbled emotively.

“Yes, but… It’s not just that.”

He stiffed a bit, both of his hands now on my thighs, all his attention on me, waiting for further explanation.

“I’m sorry I angered you for making you show your forearm,” I mumbled, furrowing in worry. “I promised I wouldn’t push you but… I needed to take care of that. I’m sorry.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I’m not mad,” the worry vibrated in his voice. “Is that what worries you?”

“In part,” I nodded.

I took my hands to one of his, still resting on my lap. I turned it over, cupped by both of my hands and caressed it with my thumbs, tracing ways on the leathered palm. I could feel the bones, the flesh, the warmth… But I couldn’t get to the real thing. It was like touching a crystal ball that had a treasure inside, which you never can reach.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about something you said to me…” I began, not stopping my brief strokes on his hand. “You said you’re not your bones, not your flesh… And I understood it. I still do. I’m not sure which part of you said those words though. I don’t know if it was the man or the persona, or both, or how much shame dyed that belief.”

He stayed completely still, listening to my confession. I laughed sadly, more tears falling down my cheeks.

“I’m so hypocrite…” I murmured.

“Why are you saying that?” He barely said.

“Because I feel like it. I told you I didn’t mind if you couldn’t do some things if you never let me touch you or show me what’s behind this mask. I told you I would respect your limits and boundaries. And, don’t get me wrong, I believe these things still and I’d never do anything that could surpass your well-being intentionally. But, at the same time, here I am… Crying my eyes out because I can’t touch you… Because I want to.”

V kept quiet for a few seconds, that seemed an eternity to me and weighed over my head like enormous rocks.

“Do you want that?” He whispered, surprised.

“Yes,” I mumbled softly. “I thought it was obvious.”

I thought it was, at least. I quivered like jelly every time he was close. I died inside to feel his skin, even if it was in the slightest. I yearned that connection with all my soul, that feeling of sensing the true man that was behind that façade.

“I hate myself for being so weak…” I said, freeing his hand. “But you promised me the truth and I owe you the same... And the truth is that I want to caress your skin and feel you and that you feel me too… I want all the things couples do, but I want them with you or I don’t want them. But I don’t know what do you want and I was really afraid to have this conversation, to be honest. I hoped it would take longer to arrive but… After the way you’ve reacted when I’ve seen your arm…” My voice broke before I could finish and I breathed out. “And the last thing I want you to think is I am asking for more or holding something against you. You are more important for me than any need I could have.”

V sighed and I saw how his head lowered, looking down for a whole minute. I wondered if he was feeling ashamed of himself already because of my words when he moved again. He took his hands away of my lap and freed them from his gloves, leaving them aside. I examined him, my heart soaring at a frenetic pace, and he looked at them.

“There was shame in the words I said that night, indeed,” he admitted, talking with a deep tone. “I knew how that night would end and I couldn’t bear the fact that you remembered me forever with this monstrous aspect. But things have changed and I suspect I can’t flee from this anymore,” he sounded rough like every word weighed a ton. “After we found ourselves again and you returned to me, giving me this chance of a life with you, I knew this would be one of the problems we would have to affront. I’ve never assumed contact and intimacy wouldn’t be things that you would not want. Even if you claimed you were content with my concealing, I knew it couldn’t last. I trust your words, don’t misinterpret me. And even if I can’t comprehend why you want this wreckage I am, I understand the need, because I want to feel you too. I dream I could get through this barrier and give you everything you deserve… To look human enough. But you have to understand, Evey… I see a monster every time I see myself without these clothes. And the idea of displeasing you with my looks horrifies me in ways I thought that were beyond me. I can’t help the feeling that you’ll flinch away if I show more than you’ve seen already, or if I try to touch you. I can’t avoid thinking I can’t awaken any kind of love or desire. I’m still in awe that you’re here. But I’ll try to follow you on this. I’ll take the risk.”

He lowered his hands, placing them on my lap again and I shivered furiously at the sensation, at the emotion his words had brought, shaking my heart.

“I can’t offer more than this by now. I’m sorry,” he said apologetically. “I wish I could, but my shame won’t oblige. Not yet.”

“V…” I mumbled, teary again.

“I wondered too, how this would feel,” V admitted emotively. “But I’ve never imagined you could yearn it too, not this much.”

“Of course, I do,” I pouted, my voice breaking in a sob. “I want all of you.”

He panted. I couldn’t believe he was offering me to touch his skin. I furrowed in worry, not taking my eyes off his.

“Are you sure about this?” I needed to confirm it. “For real, you’re not obliged to do this right now. I was being honest, but not asking for anything.”

“I can’t say I am completely sure, but I want to try,” he declared roughly. “And I need you to meet me halfway on this and ask me for more from time to time. I don’t have the kind of strength that is needed to get through this shame alone, but I want to advance towards you.”

There was no oxygen enough for me in that room. My lungs had stopped working. But, even so, my trembling hands went to find his. When I had my fingertips above his hands, and I could feel his warmth already, I hesitated for a moment, completely in awe for what I was about to do. Then, I broke the mere distance, touching his fingertips with mine, sliding them slowly down his palms and cupping his hands with mine. I couldn’t help a laugh, a happy sound the sweet feeling of his skin on mine burst inside my heart. I caressed his palms with my thumbs, delighted. His skin was rough and irregular, but I didn’t feel bad at all and it was softer than I thought.

I took one on both of my hands, taking it to my lips, placing a trace of kisses from his knuckles to the inside of his palm. V panted brokenly and I felt how he had begun to tremble, ever so slightly… Then, he moved, standing up, his other hand raising to touch my face. I panted before the sensation, shivering, leaning into his touch. He pulled away from my grip and took his other hand to my hair, caressing it gently, and I closed my eyes.

“Your touch feels so nice, V,” I muttered.

“Are you sure?” he whispered, his voice unsteady.

“Yes,” I opened my eyes, looking at him, releasing a couple of happy tears. “I’ve never felt anything so wonderful.”

His breath hitched and he bent down to place the lips of the mask on mine, kissing me from the other side. I stood up, pushing him up, encircling his neck with my arms. He took his hands down, grabbing my waist, pulling me closer.

“Thank you,” I said when the kiss broke.

“I should be the one thanking you,” he whispered, hugging me tight and resting the mask’s forehead on mine. “For letting me do this.”

I smiled slightly and looked down for a moment, feeling a slight blush on my face suddenly. I hugged him tighter, hiding my face on his neck and relying on the new sensation that tingled over my hands.

I rested the next day and, when the Thirteenth arrived, the four of us reunited at Bel’s shelter. It broke my heart to see Jeremy so downcast, with shame and regret shining in his eyes. We talked for a while about his suspicions. He said that the bomb had been prepared in a rush, and that was home-made as if the decision to place it had been made at the same time that he had discovered the code and called for us. So, he came to the conclusion that the mole was by their own or was part of another group we didn’t know, considering they hadn’t enough resources to obtain real explosives through contraband, but intelligent enough to trick Jeremy. He was really frustrated, because he hadn’t found the responsible for the first bomb, probably detonated by the opposition cell, and now he had a mole trying to end us. What he said made sense and we decided to follow our work as if nothing was happening. However, Jeremy would work alone for a while, hiding his search from his crew, and we would suspend the reunion with the organization that week until we came up with something to solve that problem. We decided to meet somewhere safe if something else happened, so at the shelters we could be easily tracked and seen, being too easy to think we were up to something.

After our meeting, as I had planned, my joy for the day to come resumed and I sunk myself in the kitchen to bake the chocolate cake. It felt peaceful to keep my mind on such a task, cooking for my loved one, thinking of how he would react and if he would like it.

I had to wait an hour after I got it out of the oven until it cooled down enough to place it inside a box. After that, I got on the quad and returned home.

The first thing I did when I crossed the Gallery’s door was rushing towards my former room to hide the cake. However, I didn’t expect him showing up at the entrance, as he usually was far enough from the door when I got in. My first instinct was hiding the box behind me, but it was too late. We looked at each other, paralyzed for an instant.

“Hi,” I laughed nervously.

“Hello, Evey,” he said, irradiating confusion, “Is everything alright? You’re later than usual.”

“Oh, yes. Definitely,” I answered, failing in acting normal.

Silence fell between us. I was waiting for him to move, so I could hide the box even if he had seen it. There was no way he could be thinking it was a gift for him. He didn’t seem aware that the next day was Valentine’s Day; there was no possibility that he made a connection between two things that were so foreign to him. However, he wasn’t moving.

“You don’t seem alright,” he said, eventually. “Is it your wound? Does it hurt? Or it’s because of the reunion?”

“No. My wound is fine and the reunion was alright too. We’ve hatched a better plan and everything will be alright if there’s luck.” I explained, hoping I could avoid his questions.

He cocked his head a bit, clearly not convinced by my words. I was already sweating, feeling totally caught.

“Then,” he made a pause, “why are you hiding something behind your back?”

I pressed my lips on a thin line, my mind racing, trying to find a getaway from that situation. When my thoughts failed me, I ended up sighing, lowering my head, defeated.

“Well, I guess you got me,” I said, raising my eyes to him and approaching, showing him the box. “I planned to hide this somewhere and give it to you tomorrow, but you’ve caught me red-handed.”

V glanced down at the box before him. “What’s this?” He muttered, more confused even than when I was hiding it.

A sudden blush climbed to my cheeks as I felt embarrassed unexpectedly. “It’s a Valentine’s Day gift,” I explained, babbling a little. “For you.”

He stiffed, his head raising to place his eyes on mine. “For me?” He said in absolute disbelief.

I nodded. Before the confirmation, V took his hesitant hands to the box, grabbing it like it was made of the most fragile glass. He untied the red lace that secured it and opened the box, raising the cover. I glanced at him anxiously and when he stopped all motion at the sight of what was inside, I felt the urge to explain myself.

“I baked it myself at the shelter. I wanted to get you something for tomorrow and… I thought that I’ve never cooked you something; you always take care of that and… You’ve never tried food that was cooked specially for you so…” I rambled, nervous. “I don’t even know if you like sweets or chocolate, but I guess it’s proper for Valentine’s Day. It’s alright if you don’t eat much. I’ll be happy if you try some when you wake up tonight.”

He didn’t seem to hear my rambling. His gaze was still fixed on the heart-shaped chocolate cake before him, covered with chocolate icing, not saying a single word.

“You hate it,” I uttered, really anxious after a while.

His head rose suddenly to look at me. “Oh, God, no. Not at all,” he rushed to say, alarmed that I thought that. “I’m just… Surprised. Very, to be honest.”

I smiled, still nervous, rubbing my nape and looking down for a moment. “That was the point. I wanted to surprise you.”

“You’ve succeeded wildly,” V muttered, looking at his gift again, the scent of chocolate growing stronger between us. He fell silent again for almost a minute as if he was processing that he had received a gift.

“Do you like it, then?” I asked tentatively.

“Of course, I do. I’m really honoured, but…” He made a pause, closing the box and approaching me. “If I had known you wanted to celebrate, I’d have gotten you a gift too.”

“It was meant to be a surprise, so you seemed to be oblivious about which day is tomorrow,” I smiled playfully.

“I wasn’t. But I haven’t celebrated any holidays these past years,” he said with a bit of guilt. “And I didn’t have a reason to celebrate this particular day.”

“I know. And this changes from now on,” I decided, more relaxed now that I knew he liked my gift. I came closer to him. “Besides, you don’t need to get me anything. I have you and that’s all I want.”

I stood up on my tiptoes, careful not to damage the box, and placed a kiss on the mask’s lips. When I pulled back, I smiled broadly at him and I heard a sigh escaping him.

“I still want to return you this gift,” he said.

I laughed softly, cocking my head. “I’ll be here tomorrow. Bel has given me a free day. If you cook me something extra special, we will be all square.”

He made a sound of disapproval but didn’t protest verbally. After that, the night went on like the rest.

The beeping sound woke me up again.

“I can’t believe it,” I grunted as the very moment, turning over to the nightstand.

I grabbed the beeper. It was Maria this time: “ARMED OPPOSITORS. BOONKER CLUB. BOMB.”

I heard movement by my side and then the light turned on. I turned around, seeing V by my side. It was soon in the night if he was still there. The first time I saw him waking up and I had to attend a bomb alert. Fantastic.

“What’s happening?” He asked with a rough voice. I would have melted right there if I wasn’t on my nerves already.

“Armed opponents in a club. They might have a bomb,” I said, slipping out the bed.

“Might?” He muttered, already sounding disapproving.

“It doesn’t matter,” I was grabbing things from the closet already. “We can’t afford no chances. If there’s a bomb ready to blow up in that place, it’ll be a massacre.”

I got inside the bathroom to change and when I got out, he was tying his cape around his neck and had his hat nested on his head already.

“What are you doing?” I said, startled.

“Coming with you.”

“What?”

“I won’t go through this again. You have no plan or a sense of danger, and I’m sure any of you familiar with the mechanism of a bomb. I can’t stay here knowing that.”

I swallowed a sound of offense. He made me fearless and now he told me I had no sense of danger. But there was no time to argue.

“I thought you didn’t want to get involved in the revolution,” I furrowed.

“And I don’t.”

He came closer to me, placing his gloved hands on the sides of my face, pulling me so close that the lips of his mask were almost touching mine. Suddenly, I forgot I was a bit offended.

“Evey… I offered you my help and my protection, so, please, ask for them now,” V pleaded softly. “It doesn’t please me to follow you as I did before, not after what has happened between us after I got back your trust. My intentions are not making you feel like you’re not capable; I know you are. But you were right… I want to be a little selfish. I can’t lose you again. If I can serve you in any way tonight, ask me. Please, ask me.”

I looked at him for a brief moment, softening inside at his words. I sighed, understanding perfectly what he felt.

“Alright. Help me,” I said. “But remember: we’re two now. And I want both of us to cross that door again on our way back, alive. Okay?”

“I’ll honour my word.”

Travelling through the roofs with V was something new, and it felt strange for a while. He was faster and cleaner when executing a jump and I knew I was making him slower. However, we arrived at the place pretty fast. We spotted Maria, Bel and Jeremy on the roof of the building in front of the Boonker from the distance and directed there. When we landed on the roof, they looked at us, startled to see V.

“What is he doing here?” Maria muttered, her eyes very open. “Wasn’t he retired?”

“It’s long to explain,” I just said, approaching them. “How’s the situation?”

“A girl from my crew called me to warn me that there were a few young opponents wandering around the club and that she overheard them in the alley, talking about shooting and activating the bomb later,” she explained.

The Boonker had been known since the Fifth to be a place in favour of the revolution. We had even met the couple of brothers that ran it once, in a demonstration. It was always full of rebels; most young people of the shelters gathered there some nights.

“Did she hear something else?” I asked, nervous.

“No. But she has described them to me.”

“That’s not much. They could start shooting at any moment,” I crossed my arms, trying to think as fast as I could. “We can’t evacuate just like that. They would go mad if we do. There would be wounded and dead anyway. And the bomb could be anywhere.”

“I’ll take care of that.”

I turned around. V looked at me through the mask and I felt my heartbeat going crazy. He had come with me to help, but him involved with bombs was making me more anxious than seeing him wounded.

“How?” I breathed out.

“I’ll find and deactivate it,” he explained.

“Are you insane?” Maria exclaimed. “If someone sees you, we’re going to have a big problem.”

“We will have a big problem if the bomb explodes,” Bel turned to her, mad. “He knows how to handle this shit. He blew up the Parliament, remember? We can’t do anything with it but let it explode, so…”

Maria grunted, looking away. “But he’s supposed to be dead. If the rebels see him alive and us involved with him, we’ll lose all trust.”

“There’s no time to worry about that!” Bel said. “There are lives in danger right now!”

“Enough!” I stopped them. “Nobody will see him. For real… It’s not the time to argue.”

Both of them went silent and Jeremy still had that look of uneasiness in his eyes, in part for V and the other for what had happened a couple of nights before. I sighed.

“How are we going to do this?” I said. “We have to move now.”

We decided that Bel and Jeremy would go after the armed men and try to knock them down, meanwhile Maria warned the owners and activated the fire alarm. I wanted to get inside too, but I was too recognizable and I couldn’t enter there with half of my face covered… Too suspicious. Moreover, it wasn’t sure for me to be in a crowded place like that, after New Year’s Eve and with my attacker still wandering around, free. I would wait out to make everybody move away from the building and take care of their safety.

We were still tracing our proceeding when the door of the club opened suddenly and a crowd of people got out, running and screaming. When we saw the first ones bleeding, we didn’t say a word. The plan had gone down the drain already, so we just got down the building as fast as we could. I was about to exit the alley when I was pulled in again. V made me face him in the faint darkness.

“Stay in the street. I’ll find the bomb. We’ll meet here in ten minutes. If I’m not here by then, return to the tunnels, to the Gallery,” he said in a rush.

“V! What…?” I mumbled, but he had gotten out the alley. I followed, stepping into the street, but he had vanished.

His words had aroused a sharp terror in me, but I had no time to think about it. I ran towards the people getting out, helping those who had been wounded or shot, moving them away to the other side of the street, inside another alley.

“Evey!” I heard among the crowd, while I was carrying a girl with a bullet on her leg, and a young boy appeared by my side, of bright blue eyes and pale skin, with his curly hair all messy.

“Mark!” I uttered, startled and worried at the same time.

He was one of our runaway young boys that lived at Bel’s shelter, young enough to be in a club at such hours, but old enough to not be obliged to return to his right-winged family. He had a strong nerve and was on the core of all the things the rebels were part of.

“Are you alright?” I shouted and he came to help me with the girl.

“Yeah. What can I do?” He asked.

“Move away from the building anyone who can’t do it for themselves, but don’t get near the building,” I left the girl in his hands. “And get me a mobile.”

“I have one,” the girl gasped and took it out of her jacket’s pocket.

I made a fast call to Maria’s shelter, asking for all the vans that they could drive there right then. I had recognized too many of our rebels there that could have problems if taken to a hospital. After that, I continued helping the wounded, until I bumped into a guy with his face covered getting out of the club. At the very moment he laid his eyes on me, he pointed at me with a gun. He shot me, but I avoided the bullet and ran to him. Before he could shoot again, I cut his forearm, his grip around the gun loosening and letting it fall to the floor. I kicked his legs, making him kneel down, and hit his head with the hilt of my knife, leaving him half unconscious. Right away, my three friends emerged from the building.

“I guess that’s the one,” Maria uttered. “Look, maybe he can talk still.”

Jeremy approached and grabbed him, making him stand up, with a hard look I’ve never seen in his eyes before. “I’ll have a conversation with him gladly,” he said, coldly.

He dragged the guy away, disappearing on the alley we were before. “Where are the others?” I asked, while we moved away from the building and ran towards the rebel vans, that had just arrived.

“They’ve escaped. That’s the only idiot that ran towards the other direction,” Bel said, pointing the alley.

I sighed. So many wounded and the attackers wouldn’t pay for the harm they had done. Again.

We were getting every one of our rebels inside the vans and whoever that wanted too before the actual ambulances arrived when we got destabilised by a sound that felt like a hundred thunders. The floor vibrated and people screamed, covering themselves and crouching down. That ringing in my ears again…

I turned around, looking at the Bookers. Exploded. On fire.

My heart stopped. I left the person in my hands on the van and ran to the club, approaching as much as I could. I looked around for a whole minute, trying to find him at sight, waiting for him to appear. Nothing. Barely breathing, I ran to the alley where he said we would meet. Nothing.

The air returned to my lungs in a shuddering breath, and then, it started to get in uncontrollably. I was starting to hyperventilate when somebody grabbed me by the arm, spinning me around. Hope hit me for a moment before I realized it was Bel, glancing at me with worried eyes.

“He said he would be here,” I muttered, barely talking. “He…”

“Evey… The police and the ambulances are one street away. We have to go.”

“No,” I shook my head. I didn’t feel there physically anymore. I couldn’t feel anything, just sharp fear. “He said he would be here in ten minutes.”

“We can’t wait, Evey,” she urged, tears in her eyes, clearly not wanting to mention what was crossing both our minds.

“I can’t go without…”

“He hasn’t got out, Evey!” she exclaimed, a couple of tears falling down her cheeks. “He hasn’t.”

I didn’t move. I didn’t react. I couldn’t. Bel pulled me away eventually, moving me through the alleys, and my legs ran unawares. Just when she got me on her car and started to drive away, I burst into tears. I asked to leave me near the entrance of the abandoned station. I held onto the hope that we hadn’t bumped into each other somehow, because of the chaos, and I would find him home. He promised me. He said he would honour his word. I needed to trust him. I needed to believe he had got out somehow.

Bel refused to leave me alone but my tears seemed to convince her in the end. She made me promise I would send her a message when I arrived home. She dropped me then and I ran to the plot, rushing down the tunnels.

I ran through the rails and the tunnels, panting, letting the tears fall, expecting to find him around there at some point, repeating myself that he would be home, safe, alive, whole.

I opened the door of the Gallery fast like never before, and got inside, almost forgetting to close behind me.

“V!” I exclaimed, running to the hall. “V!”

I stopped under an arch, finding him halfway taking off his singed shirt, his cape and hat already cast away, resting on the sofa.

“V,” I cried out, running and capturing him in a desperate hug.

He stumbled with the hit of my body against his and encircled me with his strong arms. I sobbed against his neck, squeezing him, trembling, panting.

“I thought I had lost you again,” I whimpered.

“Never,” he said, deeply sorry. “I promised you.”

I rose my head, taking my hands to the sides of his mask, tears still falling.

“Where were you?” I mumbled brokenly, almost scolding him. “Dammit…”

“I’m sorry about that,” he mumbled. “I couldn’t find the bomb in time and my escape hasn’t been as clean as I expected.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No. I’m alright.”

I panted, looking at every line of his mask. I pulled him to me at a sudden need, kissing him, pressing my lips as hard as I could. And it wasn’t enough. Not that time. Not after fearing I had lost him once more.

I was trembling still when I pulled away, residual fear and impotence mixing inside me, hurting as much as they were tearing me from the inside. I lowered my hands down his body, gripping the opened edges of his shirt like it was life itself. I couldn’t ask that. I knew I couldn’t. It was too soon. So, I loosened my grip, letting his shirt free, looking down.

“What, Evey?” He said, claiming for my unspoken question.

I shook my head, unable to say something at that very moment. I was being carried away by the emotions, not thinking clearly. And I knew I would regret asking him that.

“Tell me, please,” V whispered in a husky tone. “I can’t bear to see you hurting.”

I looked at his concealed eyes, wishing like never before I could see them. “I can’t. I will regret it. And so will you.”

V’s muscles tensed and his pose shifted. “I assure you I can take it,” he said in a low tone, however.

I didn’t know what he was thinking I would say, but I was sure he was totally wrong in his assumptions. I breathed out, already feeling the rejection coming.

“Kiss me,” I pleaded.

He seemed to relax and bent down to me instantly. But I backed away and he froze, startled.

“Kiss me for real,” I felt the tears burning again. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his chest. “Please. I need it,” I whispered.

I sensed his heart going crazy through the compression shirt. His breathing was ragged now until he was barely breathing. He grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me back to look at me.

“I…” He started, his voice dying. “I can’t.”

“I won’t look. I’ll cover my eyes.”

“Not even then,” he shook his head slightly. “I’m very sorry. I can’t.”

I let out a shuddering breath, taking his hands off my shoulders. “It’s alright. I didn’t want to ask you because I know. It’s too soon. I’m just… Troubled, right now,” I explained. “I’ll be fine tomorrow, I guess. So, forget it.”

“Evey…” He muttered guiltily.

“I’m fine, I promise,” I answered, trying to smile, “I’ll take a shower and return to bed, and I’ll be alright. And you should rest a bit too.”

I walked past him, going to the bedroom and closing myself in the bathroom. I sent a message to Bel before getting into the shower; she would freak out if I delayed my message any more. I let the warm water wash away the tiredness and the sharp emotions and I found that I couldn’t cry because he refused to kiss me. Maybe it was because I knew he would before I asked or because the relief of finding him alive was more powerful than that slight rejection, definitely. I just could feel grateful, in the end, that he was alright. Nothing else mattered.

Even so, I spent more time than usual in the bathroom, showering and drying my hair. When I got out, I didn’t expect him to be there, on the bed… But there he was, waiting for me.

My heart started to beat faster and a faint blush of embarrassment dyed my cheeks. I approached the bed, standing before its edge, looking at him.

“I thought you wouldn’t sleep more tonight,” I said barely.

“I probably won’t, but I want to try anyway,” he answered carefully. “If you don’t mind my company tonight.”

“Of course, I don’t mind,” I furrowed.

I left the beeper on the nightstand, hoping I wouldn’t hear its infernal sound for the rest of the night, and got into the bed. I laid down, giving my back to him, which I had never done, but I was feeling a bit self-conscious all of a sudden. I heard V sigh.

“Should I turn off the light already?” He asked softly, sounding sad.

“Yes.”

The room sunk into the darkness right away, after a soft click, and I heard him lay down slowly. I closed my eyes, appreciating how his breathing sounded in that silence, how his warmth crossed the distance between us on the bed…

“Evey?” He whispered.

I turned around, laying on my other side, swallowing my distress, changing it for the relief of V by my side.

“What?” I said in a faint voice too.

I couldn’t see him, but he moved closer, placing a gentle hand on my waist. My breath hitched, feeling his bare fingers through the fabric of my pyjama. He hadn’t used the gloves so much after he let me touch him, his confidence growing a little… But not enough still, to move on from that.

“I’ve tasted your cake,” he mumbled, his voice trembling emotively. “And it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever tasted. I could feel the feeling you poured into it. Thank you for gifting me something so wonderful.”

“I’m glad it’s good,” I answered, smiling in the dark.

He kept quiet for a moment and I felt a strange feeling radiating from him. “It’s Valentine’s Day already,” V stated, murmuring.

“Yes, it is,” I furrowed, not understanding what he meant with that.

V took his hand to my face, caressing me gently. I couldn’t avoid a sigh of happiness, nuzzling into his palm. “It’s proper if I give you my gift now.”

“Gift?” I mumbled. “Which gift?”

He pulled away, taking his hand away from my face, and I felt him moving on the bed. I stared into the darkness, totally lost, until I heard a soft sound, the sound of something being left on the nightstand.

“What are you doing?” I questioned shakenly, feeling I was making up things in my mind.

V rolled over again, returning to me. He searched for my hands, grabbing and securing them between us.

“I only have one request,” he said and I gasped. His voice was uncovered. There wasn’t any barrier before it.

He had taken off his mask.

“Don’t touch my face, please,” he asked softly. “I’m not ready for that.”

“V!” I exclaimed breathlessly. “But…”

“It’s my gift,” he cut me off, his voice shaking. “If you really want it.”

“You don’t sound sure at all,” I blurted out, feeling extremely guilty. “I shouldn’t have asked you this. I’m sorry. I’m being pushy and...”

“No, Evey,” V assured me in a soft tone. “I want this too. I’ve wanted it for so much time. I want so many things with you… I’m making an effort to get through this. Meet me halfway. It does marvels to my mind, I assure you, even if I’m advancing slowly. So, if you want this as much… I’ll talk myself out of it if you don’t reach for me now.”

His honesty cracked my soul and a floodgate almost opened in my eyes. He was working really hard to make this work and was offering me one of the things I desired the most. I freed myself from his grip, placing my hands on his chest, driving them to his sides in a long caress. I made him back on his forearm and I moved to be under his face. Like that he could control how much our faces touched.

“I’ll always want you, in all the possible human ways,” I muttered.

He panted and I felt how he lowered. My body grew tense at the feeling of his face close and the butterflies on my stomach revived, fluttering, a rush of vivid excitement taking over my senses. My heart was deafening me, the only thing I could hear was its crazy beating on my eardrums.

I was so desperately in love with him, in a way I didn’t know it was possible before meeting him. I hadn’t loved anyone as I loved him. That huge love I professed crushed me, made me feel alive, tore me with its intensity and left me breathless, powerless… He was the only man I wanted and he was showing himself to me slowly, piece by piece, revealing a truth that was ours now.

I wanted so much to raise my head and meet his lips, but I waited, giving him the time that he needed. My hands travelled to his muscular back, hugging him, encouraging. He breathed out brokenly and took his other forearm to rest on the pillow, his hand cupping my cheek, his fingers intertwining in my hair, sending hot shivers down my spine. His mouth found mine at last, in a chaste way, like in those movies we saw, barely moving. I blushed furiously, and even if he couldn’t see me, he had to sense the hotness that had climbed to my face. His lips weren’t totally soft, and I could sense a few scars near his mouth, but they were so warm, so loving, so tender… It got me intoxicated with his touch at the very moment, leaving me powerless, so weak before the love I felt.

I scratched his back softly, trying to hold onto his shirt, letting out a soft moan. I guided him with my lips into a deeper kiss, my need growing at a pace that made me feel I was about to lose control of my own self. He gasped, starting to tremble above me, following the path I had marked, tentatively, a bit clumsily, kissing me more and more passionately as he went. I couldn’t help pressing myself more against his mouth eventually, caressing his tongue with mine, feeling I was ascending and dying at the same time. He growled, pressing me against the pillow, kissing me harder, but being so gentle still…

Then, he pulled away, and I felt like life had been ripped off my chest. I whimpered, out of breath, feeling his panting on my skin. I rose up, pulling him down to me again, biting his lower lip. V moaned a sound that vibrated all through me, clouding my mind. I had damned myself. He had damned me. There was no way I could free him after that, that I could live without kissing him every damn time I saw him. I wanted to make him feel loved every hour, every minute of the day…

He didn’t pull back so suddenly this time. He just hovered over me, his lips still so close I could feel them, gasping. I couldn’t say a word. I was speechless. The love I felt was too intense, too huge… I felt my body couldn’t contain it.

V rose up, taking his hand away from me and I sensed the urge to cry. Enough experiments for that night… I heard him reaching for his mask and I guessed he had it on again when he laid down by my side.

I returned my hands to him, interlacing my fingers with his, sensing that if I didn’t touch him right then I would burst into tears at the strong need that he had planted on me now. Every time he gave a new part of the man he was to me, I wanted more, I yearned more, I needed more… Feeling his kiss after dreaming of it for so long had been heaven, and I felt a bit kicked out at the loss of it now, but so happy at the same time at the residual sensation of his lips on mine.

“How are you feeling?” I asked softly, concerned, as he had become quiet.

He sighed, gripping my hand tighter and taking it to his chest, letting me sense his heart, totally out of control, hammering against his ribcage. “Closer than ever from heaven,” he whispered.

I was blushing again and approached until my face touched the mask. I grabbed his hand too, doing just the same as he did, placing it where he could feel my heartbeats. V gasped brokenly, as it had startled him. “I guess the both of us are,” I mumbled.

“I didn’t think” he made a pause, hesitant, “you would like it. Not that much, at least.”

“You’ve guessed completely wrong,” I said, whispering. “I’m afraid I’m addicted to your kisses already,” he breathed out shudderingly and tensed up. I smiled sadly, sighing. “I won’t ask you any more aside from you can give, I promise, for real. We can leave this for special occasions or for when you feel like it.”

V came closer, the mask’s nose resting on mine. I left a soft kiss on its porcelain lips. As I thought, after feeling his real lips, that just felt like a barrier. It hurt me but I could wait a lifetime for him if it was necessary.

“Thank you, Evey,” he mumbled huskily, resuming my trembling. “I never thought I could feel so loved…”

“Neither did I.”

A sharp breath escaped the mask and I smiled, guessing he was doing the same behind it. His hand found my face, his fingers stroking my cheek slowly, travelling down my jawline, searching for my lips. He cupped my face, his thumb caressing my lower lip gently, creating a sweet trace of electricity wherever he touched.

“_My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite_,” he whispered, the husky tone still lingering in his tenor voice.

I grunted, blushing. “You’re bad for my heart, really,” I breathed out, closing my eyes.

V sniggered a bit nervously and I took my hand off his chest, encircling his body with my arm and making him approach more. “I love you,” I mumbled softly, “so much. You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”

He sighed, relaxing under my touch. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! <3
> 
> This chapter was a rollercoaster to write, to be honest. I had to touch some important matters, that why it's so long. But I guess this will be the length of the chapters from now on... At least, the next chapter will be. I hope to have it ready for this weekend. Get ready... 
> 
> As always, I hope you liked it and thank you so much for your kudos and your comments. I usually read them in the morning, when I wake up (at five in the morning, yeah) and it warms my heart every time. THANK YOU SO MUCH <3 
> 
> See you very soon xx


	11. Sparkling angel, I believed you were my savior in my time of need

“Hold up!”

The antiriot squad collided against the wall of wheelie bins and we backed against them, giving time to the wounded to escape and hide. Blood, broken bottles and foam balls were all over the floor before me, traces of the battle royal that had exploded a few moments before. Which had started as a pacific demonstration had turned into a violent fight in less than five minutes. Something that seemed a habit already.

The lasts weeks hadn’t been easy for us and the events that had occurred had made the action more violent and dangerous.

After the Boonker exploded and twelve got out shot and twenty-two wounded, the revolution seemed to fall apart in the course of the next month. Jeremy interrogated the attacker we got to catch, but he didn’t get any useful information. The guy didn’t know a single thing. Apparently, his crew were just a group of youngsters with zero scruples that had been paid a risible amount to shoot and put the bomb. When Jeremy asked him who had paid them, he told him that a woman had contacted them and sent the money through a minion, but that he didn’t know who she was or how to find her. Jeremy tracked the other attackers to gave them what they deserved and try to get a clue that drove us to her. But he found nothing.

Moreover, he had the problem of the mole, that we hadn’t resolved still. We tried to catch them with the same tactics we used when we thought that I had one following me, but they didn’t work this time either. Nothing had worked and we had to cancel the organization’s reunion at the end of February too, admitting we feared that there was a security problem in our system.

Which, unexpectedly, fuelled a fire that we didn’t see coming. We were aware that the rebels were nervous and that some part of them had started to waver on their implication, but we didn’t expect that the very organization rose up against us. At least, one part.

Alan and Nicole, both from Maria’s crew and part of the organization, called a private meeting with us, the organizers, to inform that they were there to represent the part of the rebels that didn’t agree with our methods anymore and didn’t feel safe under our management. It was a hard hit to take, but we accepted it. We didn’t want to leave them defenceless, so we decided to give them Maria’s shelter.

After that, we announced the division and, as we expected, the rebels divided for real. Those who had been already wavering on their implication or were in agreement with Alan and Nicole, moved to their shelter. A portion of the people that lived in the shelters left them, abandoning the cause, not trusting either of us. Some disappeared and others returned to the lives they had before the Fifth. The fear devoured their minds again, the worsening situation planting a seed of doubt on the revolution on them. They decided to trust the new politicians, born from the Youth of Norsefire, concealed behind a progressive façade but not condemning the police violence nor the crimes of the old tyranny.

Elections had been set at last, but I could see the results even if they hadn’t occurred yet. Those last months, a new party called New England, headed by James White, a young man, apparently in favour of a new and freer country, had been growing stronger. He condemned all violence and claimed to be working to return the rights our people had been deprived of. However, all I heard in his speeches was pure populism, well structured so it didn’t seem aggressive or radical. But it was the same shit. And I had been fearing he would condemn our path to revolution sooner or later.

It happened right after our shelters and the rebels divided. White appeared publicly to talk trash about the last demonstrations we had organized, calling us repeat offenders and terrorists, that pushed people to be violent so we acquired visibility. He called us tyrants and cynics, who wouldn’t doubt in using those who believed in us as cannon fodder. He talked about me as V’s heir and referred to us as demons, practically. I didn’t mind. I had been taken as a terrorist before. But it made me really mad that he talked so badly of V.

Luckily, the rebels who stayed with us, who still believed that we could free ourselves, were braver than before. They were more fearless, more inclined to do whatever that was necessary, and didn’t believe in the politicians that had raised from the ashes of the past. However, even if it made our moral power stronger, our resistance when the battlefield unleashed wasn't enough now. We had to restructure our way of proceeding so our rebels didn’t come out of the action too badly injured.

But it hadn’t been enough. Those who attempted power now wanted to massacre us and they did, infiltrating in the order forces, making them bring almost all their arsenal to threaten and destroy us.

The pushing stopped suddenly and we heard how they pulled back. The sound of motors turning on roared and I raised on my tiptoes to look above the skips.

“Run!” I shouted right away. “Run, now!”

Everybody started running to a safe place and the police vans accelerated against the skips, breaking the barrier and chasing us. People ran to alleys and got into vestibules, escaping from the police that got out of the vans, guns and batons ready on their hands.

I threw the first gas bomb near them, and soon Bel and Maria did the same, blinding them and giving our rebels enough time to get to safety. They started to shoot foam balls again, not aiming at nobody in particular, so they couldn't see. Lila, one girl of Bel's crew, was shot when we were running to gather together in the point we had chosen. Right after, I saw police appearing through the smoke, already aiming at her.

My body moved as soon as my fast thoughts saw the future events. I ran and stooped the foam ball that was directed to her with my own body. I grunted in pain, almost falling on my knees, but my brain warned me that I couldn't let that happen. I grabbed the hilts of two of my knives, turning to the bastard that had shot and knocking him down before he could aim at me again. Then, I helped Lila, who hadn't had time to get up.

“Evey,” she babbled, as shocked as worried. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine,” I said, ignoring the pain on my side. “Just run.”

She gave me a fast nod and we both ran to our reunion point, on the sewers down a near alley. Bel, Maria and the rest of the organization that had been on the demonstration were already there, looking tired and frustrated.

We made our way through the sewers until we arrived at Jeremy’s shelter, emplaced under an old fabric. Everything was a mess, greater than any that we had had after a demonstration. Liam, the doctor that helped us, was already there, running from one place to the other, giving orders and attending the ones that had been wounded badly. We didn't stop for a moment. As soon as we got into the infirmary, we took care of every single person until everybody had been healed.

“Swallowing it down again?” A voice asked me from behind when I was attending the last rebel that was left.

I turned around, facing a tall, blond guy, with two bright hazel eyes. I sighed heavily.

“Who told you?” I said to Liam.

“Bel,” he answered, tilting his head a bit. “After Lila explained to her what happened. She’s occupied right now, but has insisted me to scold you.”

“I'm fine,” I muttered, focusing on the bandage that I was doing again.

“I'm the doctor,” he approached, stealing the bandage from my hand and finishing it himself. “I’m afraid that’s my thing to declare.”

I grunted tiredly. “It was just a foam ball. Like it’s the first time I've been shot...” I protested.

The reality was that it hurt a lot. I had been shot from a very brief distance and it had collided right over my waist.

“Anyway,” he said after finishing the bandage and sending the rebel to rest to his room. “I have to check it, just in case.”

I sighed, letting him guide me to an empty stretcher. I rose my shirt enough for him to examine the zone. It had started to get darker and the size of the ball could be seen perfectly, as it seemed marked with fire on my skin. He barely touched me while checking it, but the slight feeling of his fingers around the zone was enough for me to grunt in pain. He looked up at me, almost scolding me silently with his gaze.

“That’s why you shouldn’t be so careless about your wounds,” he said, straightening up. “It’s always worse than you let it seem.”

“The rest of the wounded is the priority,” I blurted out, clenching my jaw at the pain. “Always.”

“A lot of people around here don’t think the same,” Liam said and approached a near cupboard, searching among the medicines and grabbing a large box. He took out the tube of noninflammatory cream, opening it. “Bel is not the only one concerned when you rush around here taking care of everybody except for yourself. Bravery is nothing without hope, and you’re everyone’s hope. They’ve lost V, their main symbol. If something happens to you, the reference that’s left, the revolution will fail. I know you don’t think like that, but it’s the truth.”

I rose my shirt again for him to apply the cream on me and I hissed when he touched me, even if so gingerly.

“I thought you weren’t the lecture type of guy,” I murmured.

“And I’m not. I’m just saying that taking care of yourself and your wellbeing is your responsibility just as much as guiding the revolution and watching over our people. If you don’t take care of what’s important, you will have nothing when this revolution ends,” when he finished applying the cream I sighed, relieved. “Stay like this until it dries.”

I appreciated the worry and I knew he was right. Nevertheless, I had to change my tactics already to assure I lived every time I went out on a mission and I couldn’t slow down more. Now I cared if I came back home or not, and I worried over the feelings of the person that waited for me to return. However, I was too used to hide the pain that I did so without realizing. And the truth was that I preferred taking care of my wounds there than at home. V was always deeply concerned when I came back hurt and I hated to see him like that. I understood the feeling of seeing your loved one wounded too well, and maybe that was why I still hadn’t been able to let go of the habit of swallowing the pain.

It had been a couple of tough months, to be honest. The situation of the country and the revolution was usually asphyxiating and, when I arrived home, I dozed off almost instantly. So, my time with him was shorter and shorter every day. However, I was grateful in a way for being too occupied, because it didn’t let me think much on my growing need of him.

After the kiss, all physical development seemed to stop. He didn’t look inclined to try again while I died to repeat it all over and over again, to the point it made me doubt if he had regretted it. I wasn’t brave enough to ask, afraid that he was, so I didn’t know if he was or he wasn’t. Anyhow, the fact was that the kiss triggered on me more need of him than it soothed, and now I found myself wanting much more… All of him, in fact.

It couldn’t be, I knew that; he didn’t feel ready to share another kiss. We couldn’t move on from there if he wasn’t comfortable with the idea and I promised myself that I wouldn’t push him until I saw he was.

But I wanted him so much that it hurt. It was a torture to feel him at reach and not being able to love him fully. He ignored the power he had over me, the magnitude of my love and my need of him. And every time he caressed me with his bare hands, or I saw him wandering around with just his compression shirt, or he whispered loving words near my ear… I felt I would lose all control. That’s why I was so thankful I was so tired lately. That way I could be sure I wouldn’t jump on him at any moment.

Nevertheless, we had advanced in our relationship in other ways. Living together was now something as natural as breathing and he had gotten better in talking with me about some matters. He had a long way to go still, but V shared with me one of the things that had been worrying me since I returned to him: his skin bad days.

He didn’t confess the first day I noticed something wasn’t alright. A month ago, one night like any other, I noticed he moved strangely as if he was tense all the time. However, his mood was intact. I didn’t realise what it was at first until a couple of days more like that happened and the thought popped up in my mind. I asked if he was feeling alright and he ended up confessing that he had a bad day. My first reaction was offering my help if I could do something for him. However, V told me that it would go away by its own, that my company was enough for him to feel better. His response resulted a bit frustrating. I wanted to help him. I had experience with wounds and hits, but none about burns and I thought that maybe was the right moment to learn some about them.

I didn’t see Liam for the whole month and I had been wanting to meet him to ask for some information. I wanted to be ready for the next bad day.

“Hey,” I said when he was taking out his latex gloves and throwing them into a bin. “May I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Liam said, approaching me again. “Whatever.”

“How can I treat an old burn that hurts from time to time?” I asked, not hesitating.

Liam seemed surprised by my question, transitioning fast to confusion, furrowing. “Are you burned somewhere?”

“No,” I blurted out and I pressed my lips on a thin line, thinking about what to say next. “I have a close friend that is.”

“Well… It depends on how huge the burn is, how old, the place, the gravity…” He tilted his head, thinking. “Who are they? Aren’t they from around here?”

“No.”

His lips curved into a little smile. “Is the person you are living with now?” Liam asked knowingly. “If they’re not feeling well, you can derive them to me.”

I sighed, avoiding his first question. “I can’t derive them to you. It’s complicated.” I admitted a bit nervously. “I just need to know how to treat it.”

Liam nodded and I saw in his eyes that he had noticed my evasion. “Alright, then. I need to know more about the injury, though.”

I cocked my head a bit. It wasn’t like I knew much about it. I had seen very little of it. “It’s pretty huge and very bad, but it happened a lot of years ago,” I decided to say, very ambiguously.

“Have they told you how it feels? If it hurts more or less, when…?”

“Not much, to be honest. Just that it feels stiff and dries fast, and it hurts some days, pretty occasionally.”

“Where’s the burn?”

I went totally silent and he hummed, dismissing his own question right away. One thing that made Liam a good doctor for the revolution was that he accepted that, sometimes, it was better not to know the things behind the unknow. And more if I was the one being secretive.

“It’s hard to tell you something without seeing the state of the skin, but I think I can give you some information that can be useful.”

Liam gave me a brief lecture about burns and warned me about how to take care of them, explaining to me that sun exposure, extreme coldness and really hot baths should be avoided, and which types of creams could be used and which were absolutely forbidden. He told me that, if the patient was so tense in a bad day, the most probable thing was that the burning had formed contractures while healing that made difficult for them to move sometimes. He recommended me stretching and massages with lotion if the pain was tolerable. He warned me that maybe surgery could be needed and that therapy could help, but I knew that wasn’t a possibility.

When he finished his lecture, I felt downcast. Nothing he had told me served me to help him. I was sure he knew all of that already.

“I can get you a type of bath salts that help with stiffness and that are relaxing,” he said, probably seeing my reaction.

“That would be perfect,” I muttered, even so I couldn’t feel very excited about it after his explanation.

He smiled at me, reassuring me silently. “I’ll be here tomorrow too. I’ll bring them for you,” he said and, suddenly, a thought shone in his eyes. “And, before I forget… Wait a second.”

Liam disappeared and I stayed there, placing my shirt right, so the cream was already dry. When he returned, he had a pack of three boxes in his hands and gave them to me. My contraception pills.

“Here you go,” he said joyfully.

“Thank you.”

I didn’t stop taking them, in the end. After he let me touch his skin and the kiss, my hope on being intimate grew stronger and I didn’t dare to refuse the idea of not having it, stopping the treatment. Though, I still took them at the shelter every morning, not being able to bring up the issue between us just yet.

As he told me, the next day, Liam gave me the sales and I left them on the drawer of my nightstand when I returned to the Gallery, waiting for the next bad day.

Which didn’t take long to arrive. One night I returned home earlier and I found him reading on his study. I knew by heart now how he moved to notice right away it wasn’t a good day, just by seeing him standing.

“Welcome home, Evey,” he said, as if nothing happened, coming to me and bending down to kiss me.

“Hi,” I muttered, feeling worry taking over me right away. “You have a bad day, no?”

He straightened up, an almost inaudible sigh escaping his mask. “You don’t need to worry. It’s nothing I can’t bear.”

“So that’s a yes.”

He cocked his head a bit but didn’t respond. I sighed and took his hand on mine, carefully, driving it to my lips to kiss his knuckles.

“I have something for you,” I said, smiling slightly, but not being able to hide the concern. “Can you wait here for me a couple of minutes?”

“Of course,” he muttered, startled.

I smiled broadly now and slipped out of the room, going directly to the bathroom and turning the water on. While the tub started to fill, I went to grab the bath salts and returned to sit on the edge, throwing inside the water the quantity Liam told me. I waited there with my hand on the water, checking it was the right temperature. When it was totally filled, I went to the kitchen and served a glass of wine, before returning to the study.

He had sat down again and I felt the weight of his gaze on me when I appeared in front of him, the glass of wine in my hand. I offered him my free hand for him to stand up.

“Come with me,” I said softly.

Without saying a word, but irradiating confusion, he grabbed my hand, standing up and letting me drive him through the Gallery. He froze when we entered the bathroom and saw the tub prepared.

“What is this?” He breathed out.

“I wanted to do something for you on your bad days since I’ve noticed that are more frequent lately,” I explained myself. “There’s not much I can do; you take pretty good care of yourself already. But I can do this. So,” I gave him the glass of wine, which he took hesitantly, taking his eyes off the water at last, “you’re going to have a relaxing bath of medicinal salts, with this glass of fine wine, while I cook dinner tonight.”

“Evey…”

“I don’t want to hear any kind of protest,” I cut him off before he could refuse. “Just take your time and relax,” I approached, standing on my tiptoes and placing a kiss on the cheek of his mask.

I left the bathroom right away, closing the door behind me and walked to the kitchen again. Once there, I poured some wine in a glass for myself and drank it while thinking what I could cook for dinner. I decided to go for a salad and French omelette.

I ate meanwhile he was still in the bathroom and when he appeared at the kitchen, I had his plate already ready on the table. I grabbed his empty glass of wine, which he carried in his hand, and smiled up to him.

“Are you feeling better?” I asked.

“Yes,” he murmured, still sounding confused. “Where did you get these salts?”

“I asked Liam about how to treat old burns and he gave them to me. But don’t worry. He knows nothing about you,” I assured fast before he freaked out. “I’m glad they worked.”

He was silent for a moment before closing the distance between us, standing at a few inches from me. I held my breath for an instant, feeling the heat reviving on my body, heart already running a race.

“I thought we could see a movie after dinner,” I struggled a bit with my words, my mind starting to cloud. “Or whatever you want to do.”

“A movie will be great,” he said softly, even a bit joyfully.

“Alright,” I breathed out, stepping back a bit, breathing with difficulty. “I’ll get everything ready while you eat,” I said, looking at the table.

He turned to glance at it too, before looking at me again. “You didn’t need to do all of this.”

“But I wanted to. I wanted to take care of you, just like you take care of me. It’s the same,” I said. “Which movie would you like to see?”

“Anything you want,” he answered, but barely as if his mind had flown away to somewhere else.

I nodded and exited the kitchen, going to the living room to get everything ready. I tried a random movie we hadn’t seen together yet and went for a blanket. I waited on the sofa until he finished dinner and sat by my side. I played the movie and covered both of us with the blanket.

I got to keep awake through all the movie, even with the comfort of his closeness. Our hands had joined under the blanket, fingers interlaced, and I couldn’t stop thinking how lucky I was for such moments.

When the movie ended, I turned off the tele and cuddled a bit more against him, daring to rest my legs on his lap.

“Did you like it?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” he said, turning his head to me. “But I’ve enjoyed the company more.”

I sniggered, hiding my face on his neck. He leaned into my touch a bit, feeling the edge of his mask on my scalp.

“Thank you for everything,” he murmured. “You never cease to surprise me.”

I rose my head to look at him, arching a brow. “It surprises you that I care about you?” I asked, barely.

“No. I know you do,” V responded, his thumb caressing my hand under the blanket. “But I’m still struggling to comprehend how I ended up being so blessed, to have won your affections.”

“Well,” I answered, a slight sorrow filling my expression, but I covered it up with a brief smile.

I freed his hand and pushed him down on the couch, carefully not to hurt him by moving too fast, placing my hand behind his head so he didn’t hit the armrest. He made a surprised sound when we both fell on the sofa and I placed myself above him, trapping his body between my legs and backed on my forearms, resting next to the sides of his head. My body hovered over his, not daring to rest totally on him. I didn’t want to add pressure on his skin. Also, I thought I couldn’t handle that amount of touch without losing all the self-control I had been working on.

“I’m taking care that you end up understanding how much I love you,” I whispered close to the enamelled lips of the mask.

V sighed, his hands raising to rest on the small of my back. I let out an exhale too, sensing the heat of his hands through the shirt of my pyjamas.

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Evey,” he murmured with an unexpected husky tone that made me tremble.

“I’m not sure you’ve thought well these words before speaking,” I said in a faint voice.

His hands travelled up my back, sending shivers through my body. “Revenge was powerful in a way. It brought me relief and, somehow, closure. But can’t be compared to the feeling of being with you… Of this very moment.”

“Is that so?” I murmured, feeling my arms weakening. “How do you feel right now?”

His hands stopped and he pulled me down softly, until I touched his mask with my face, my nose resting on its one. I closed my eyes at the feeling of our bodies about to touch.

“Happy,” V said emotively. “So happy, Evey…”

His words vibrated inside me, dragging me inevitably to kiss him through the mask. His hands lowered over my back again, gripping my waist softly, and I felt the pressure of his lips at the other side. I uttered a soft whimper, the need, the memory of his kiss striking me again. My mouth moved by its own as if searching for his skin, creating a way of kisses down his mask, until arriving at his neck. When I placed a kiss on his throat, with just that slight layer of fabric between us, he moaned softly. That sound felt like a mallet hitting my head, depriving me from all rational thought, triggering the impulse that I had been holding inside me.

My lips continued their way down his shoulder and then found his chest. V’s breathing had turned irregular and his hands were trembling slightly. I grabbed them with my own, driving them under my shirt, placing them just where they were, but now touching my skin directly. I sighed and shivered at the contact, raising to find the mask’s lips again, grounding my hips on his lap. My hands searched for his body, finding his lower abdomen right away. He tensed up at the very moment my fingers explored the hard edges of the muscles above the compression shirt. I never explored his body like that, even if I burned to do so… But I couldn’t help it anymore. I couldn’t help how much I needed him.

Soon, I felt his grip on my skin tightening and a sudden hardness under my hips. I let out a shuddering breath, the heat of my body raising dangerously and my sanity totally gone. I rocked my hips, adding pressure to the excitement I had stirred and V moaned in response, his head falling backwards. I moved again, and again, encouraged by every sound of pleasure he made. I was gone, in awe, and so needy… All at the same time.

I wasn’t totally thinking when I drove my hands to my shirt, taking it off and throwing it somewhere, leaving my trunk just covered by my bra. He gasped brokenly and his hands tightened on my hips, stopping all motion from them.

“Wait, Evey,” he muttered breathlessly. He sat straight, moving me with him, but didn’t pull me away from his lap. “I… I can’t.”

I kept quiet, gasping, slowly recovering my train of thought, as much as his heated body and the bulge on his pants still pushing under me let me. He didn’t push me away, but I did before he could, standing up and grabbing my shirt to put it on.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, ashamed of myself all of a sudden. A whole month of self-control thrown in the trash. “I didn’t mean to…”

I stopped myself, knowing it would be an absolute lie to say I didn’t mean to touch him, that I didn’t want to make love to him.

He stayed there, on the sofa, absolutely quiet for a moment, looking down as if he was in disbelief of what could have happened. I wanted to run away so bad right then, flee the room, lock myself inside the bathroom and hide inside the jacuzzi. V was obviously not ready for another step. I had known that and still didn’t resist my temptation.

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” V muttered in a deep voice, not raising his eyes to me.

“Oh, no… God,” it was impossible to feel more ashamed of oneself than I felt right then. I was so stupid… “Don’t be. I… I know it’s too soon. I shouldn’t have…”

“You haven’t done nothing wrong,” he said, his voice sinking into darkness that made me shiver with worry. “I despise the fact that you blame yourself for wanting something so natural because I’m unable to give it.”

He stood up, grabbing the blanket and folding it. I looked at him, holding back the tears that threatened with appearing, broken-hearted by his words.

“You should go to sleep already,” he just said.

“What about you?” I whispered.

“I don’t feel the need to sleep today. I’ll be in the study, reading.”

V approached and he looked at me at last. I saw how his shoulders tensed, how he seemed to want to say something that was keeping for him. I saw how he was guarding himself once more.

“Goodnight.”

After having said this, he left the room, leaving me alone.

I didn’t blame V for running away that night, neither for the way that he avoided the matter the next morning. The worst was that it went on for the next couple of days, which had been the worst we had in those months together. He seemed to have raised a wall again before him and I felt I couldn’t push that down yet, guilty as I felt. The happiness had been replaced by numbness and joy by tension. V kept his gentleness and his impeccable behaviour towards me, but it was devoid of that feeling he claimed before everything was soiled. And I couldn’t comprehend exactly what was going on through his mind. He had denied me things before and he didn’t have such a reaction. Something had been different this time and I couldn’t grasp what it was, and if I made the slightest intent to ask, he found a way of avoiding it, so subtle I couldn’t react in time.

Thankfully, I had Bel to get it off my chest, if only for a while. She gave me the obvious advice: talking to him. I told her I had tried and that he had guarded himself again. Then, the next day, she dragged me to her room and gave me a box.

“What is this?” I said.

“Your solution,” she smiled playfully, making me afraid. That expression couldn’t mean anything good.

I opened the box and gasped instantly, not believing my eyes. I left it on the bed, so I could get what laid inside and looked at it. Hanging from my hands, I faced the black baby doll, short and tight, with lace edges.

I glanced at Bel, holding the piece of lingerie, not being able to say anything. She laughed at my startled state.

“I think what he needs is a bit more of battle before the war,” she said, crossing her arms and looking at me slyly.

“Bel… I touched him a bit over his clothes and took my shirt off and he freaked out. What do you pretend I do with this?”

“Putting it on, obviously,” Bel sniggered, sitting on the bed before me.

“I don’t want to make him feel more pressured. You’ve seen my pyjamas. If I suddenly change them for this, he will freak out even more,” I explained, not daring to even make up the situation in my mind.

“Look, he clearly wants you too,” she started, as if she wanted to lecture me. “If he’s not prepared to go for all, then just give him a piece, until he feels ready to try.”

“What do you mean?”

She arched a brow, the slyness in her look growing exponentially. “Well... I’ll just say there’s plenty of things you two can do before going fully biblical. Use your imagination.”

I sighed and took the baby doll home with me. When I arrived, V was in the same numb mood and I thought that there was no way I could use that tactic to solve the current situation.

However, I grabbed the baby doll before locking myself into the bathroom, to take a shower before going to sleep. I thought about what Bel said while I was under the water and, suddenly, it hit me.

V could touch me without having to show anything, to do nothing else but use his hands, already freed from fabric weeks ago. We both could have a piece, without going for all at once. A shiver of desire took over me just by thinking of it, but I tried to think straight, to consider it with my mind focused on reality.

I had to know what was worrying him before jumping to such a proposition. I assumed he was gloomy because he was loathing or blaming himself for not being ready, but I needed to be sure. Intimacy wouldn’t solve anything if the problem was somewhere else.

When I got out of the shower and dried my hair, I cast away the pyjamas and tried on the baby doll. I couldn’t help a little smile when I saw how well it suited me. I could imagine Bel on a mission through London to get me the sexiest lingerie she could, just because she enjoyed the gossip of my new love life as much as she liked to help me. And she had done a very good job. I would probably kill V with that.

It took me five minutes of indecision before I dared to proceed with the plan, focusing on finding him around the Gallery. However, when I stepped out of the bathroom, I was surprised by the sight of him on the bed, reading under the faint light of the lamp. He didn’t sleep with me the past nights, so I expected I would have to carry him there that one. But I was wrong.

He didn’t get his eyes off the book and I approached hesitantly, feeling the anxious nerves already taking over my senses.

“What are you reading?” I asked, softly, not wanting to break his concentration, but knowing I had to.

I sat on the bed slowly but kept my distance. I backed against the fluffy pillows with my body turned to him, looking down at the aged book in his hands.

V looked at me then and, even if I couldn’t see the reaction in his face, I saw how his body tensed and his breath hitched a bit. “Don Juan Tenorio,” he answered, barely speaking.

“I’ve never heard of this version,” I muttered, interested, acting as if nothing was different. “I read Molière’s one when I was in high school. Is this one much different?”

He cleared his throat and looked down at the book again. “Yes, in some ways,” he struggled. “This one focuses on Don Juan finding redemption through his true love.”

“Sounds good.”

I breathed in silently when the silence fell between us. I grabbed his arm, placing it around me and cuddling against his side. I rested my head on his shoulder, noticing how he stiffened right away.

“Would you read it for me?” I asked, trying not to break at how much I had missed his closeness.

He went silent, but his heart was deafening against my ear. “Of course,” he said, sounding genuinely breathless.

He bent his right leg, backing the book against it and passing some pages. Then, he grabbed it up again with his hand and I closed my eyes for a moment, awaiting the sound of his wonderful voice to recite those verses.

“_Oh, my angel of love, do you see that on this secluded shore the moon shines clear and pure and one breathes more easily?_” He started and I melted against him, feeling the vibration of his reciting through my palm on his chest. “_The gentle air from the fields filled with its sweet scents of the wildflowers’ incense that this sweet shore yields_.”

He continued and I relied on every sound that his mouth produced, feeling his heart beating far from steadily and his breathing following the path of his theatrical reading. I sunk into the sensation of his closeness and how it made my love vibrate with excitement.

“_That limpid wave so calm, that the fishermen here, cross without a fear, as, singing, they wait for dawn, isn’t it true, my dove, that they are breathing love?_”

Slowly, as he went with every verse, I felt how the resilience I had gathered tore at his voice again, at his firm body against mine and I damned myself when I felt that I was flustered already. I had no control over my body, nor my soul, anymore.

“_And these words that can be heard insensibly, in your heart, unfailingly, from the lips of Don Juan and whose thoughts are then lighting, in you, desire, their incipient fire, though still not shining far, is it not true, my star, that they are breathing love?_”

I was starting to tense, to heat up and feel the tingling in my hand that pushed me to caress his body.

“_And those two pearls so chaste, that in silence slide from your radiant eyes, inviting me to taste, in order not to see them vanish with their heat, and the blush so sweet not in your cheek before, is it not true, my beauty pure, that they are breathing love?_”

My palm was lowering down his chest before I could realize. My fingers started to trace soft lines above his muscle, ascending to one of his clavicles, searching to caress his neck to continue descending by his pectorals.

He made a longer pause between verses when my fingertips travelled now lower, but didn’t stop. “_Oh, my loveliest Inés, mirror and light of vision, listen without derision, as you do so, it’s love: yes._”

I placed my palm on his abdomen, sensing the hardness of his abs as they tensed at my touch. V hissed softly, his words trembling slightly. “_See here at your feet, I confess all the haughty pride of this traitorous heart inside that never thought to yield_,” his voice broke a little when I rose slightly, burying my face on his neck, “_adores you, my life, ah, I feel the slavery of your love._”

I took my hand to the other side of his neck, holding it gently while I placed a kiss against it. V moaned softly, “_Oh God! Silence! How can I stand to resist, with my sighing_,” he continued, almost whispering, the pleading sounding real in his reciting, while I traced a way of kisses down his neck, “_any longer, without dying, ah, such longing, Don Juan?_”

He stopped abruptly, going totally still, turning his head towards me to fix his eyes on mine. I looked up at him, expecting a word, or a sound… Anything. But he was quiet.

“Are we going to talk about your gloomy mood?” I muttered. “Or I have to draw your attention with other tactics?”

V kept silent and I sighed, taking the book from his hands and leaving it on the nightstand without much contemplation. I straddled him, but I didn’t sit on his lap. I just hovered over him, holding onto his shoulders.

“It’s been very lonely, to be honest,” I said.

V sighed, backing his head on the pillows, his hands quietly placed on his abdomen, away from me.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it?” I asked sadly.

“There’s not much to say,” he whispered, his mask turning a bit to a side, indicating he was looking away.

“Well, I think there is. I can’t bear to see you like this and not knowing exactly why,” I stated, furrowing. “I thought we were both fine with this. You asked me to ask from time to time and I guessed that you were aware of your own rhythm. I respect your limits; I can take that you deny me something if you’re not ready.”

“It doesn’t mean I’m not restricting you.”

“That’s what you think?” I mumbled, startled.

“I know I am,” he turned to look at me. “I wasn’t aware of it before, but I observed, these last weeks, how you contain yourself in so many ways around me… I detest that you have to hold back what you feel.”

My heart cracked. He had noticed. I tried with all of me to hide it, but I had been too obvious in the end.

“V…” I started, grabbing his hands, interlacing his fingers with mine. “If what you detest is that I hold back what I feel, then I won’t. Even if you can’t understand how or why, and I know you won’t… I want you. I want you so much it hurts. I dream with feeling you all, with making love to you and giving you all the love and pleasure you deserve. But, as I’ve told you, I just want it if you want it… If you’re ready. If that’s not the case, I don’t want it.”

His gaze dropped to our interlaced fingers and I almost could feel him examining the contrast of our skins.

“It’s alright if you never feel ready,” I said, even if just thinking about it hurt. “Or if you don’t want it.”

He rose his head suddenly. “Of course I want it,” he said in a desperate tone. “But I don’t know how I can expose you to such a thing. It’s almost cruel.”

My brain seemed to stop for a second. “What?” I breathed out.

“You don’t deserve such experience,” he said harshly. “You deserve to be touched by a soft skin, to be loved by an unguarded soul, that can give you all you need easily. And I can’t, Evey. I can’t even kiss you without doing it in the dark, like some kind of ravisher. But I suspect it’s fair. Just monsters linger among the shadows and that’s what I am.”

I just could look at him in disbelief at his tough speech. Something has escaped me. Something more has happened in his mind to have given that twist. I thought he had moved on a bit from that perspective, but it just seemed to have gotten worse.

“I thought… You enjoyed the kiss,” I mumbled, hearing my heart cracking more.

“I did. God… I did,” V whispered, sounding desperate. “But I can’t stop thinking of how much you have to renounce to just because I’m... Like this.”

“I’m not renouncing to anything,” I furrowed. “I’m just waiting for you. Wouldn’t you do the same?”

“I would but…”

“Then, what’s the difference?” I blurted out, cutting him off.

He seemed trapped under me, shifting uncomfortably. “That your wait won’t be rewarded as it should be. What’s on the other side it’s not something that’s worth to be waited for.”

“I’ll decide that,” I scolded him. “And don’t you dare to keep yourself from me because you think that. It would be very hypocrite to say I’m holding back my feelings if you do the same.”

He exhaled heavily, not answering. I sat on his lap in the end, encircling his neck with my arms and resting my forehead on the mask’s one.

“Listen to me, V,” I whispered. “I’m your partner. You’re safe with me, and so are your feelings. I know it’s not easy for you, but I want you to try to open up to me when you feel troubled, and then you can go wherever if you need to be alone… But don’t push me away from your emotions. And I’ll repeat to you how valuable you are every day, until you believe me. I know your skin is a big issue for you, but whatever it’s under these clothes… It’s you. And if the day that you feel ready to show me arrives, I can assure you that I would only have love to give to your body. You’re the man I love, and it doesn’t matter how you look. That won’t change. It can’t.”

V’s hands found my hips, pulling me closer gently. He leaned into me, the forehead of the mask pressing more against mine.

“I’m sorry for being distant with you these past days,” he murmured, downcast.

“It’s fine,” I closed my eyes, hypnotized by his scent already. “Just… Know you can rely more on me from now on.”

He sighed, his thumbs tracing soft circles on my hips. “Can I ask about your tactic to draw my attention?” He asked delicately.

I smiled, looking down at my baby doll, feeling suddenly self-conscious. “I thought that maybe I needed something extra persuasive, so you seemed so mournful,” I explained. “And, before you jump to conclusions, no: it’s not for that.”

“Then…” He started, but didn’t continue.

I took a deep breath, feeling the blush dyeing my cheeks just to think about it. “I’ve had an idea that might be somehow a solution for this issue,” I backed away a bit, so we could see each other better. “If you are open to it.”

He seemed nervous suddenly, but his voice didn’t waver. “Tell me.”

I breathed out, feeling the butterflies awaking and a shiver of desire running down my belly already. “Would you like to,” I hesitated a bit in the middle of my question, the nerves betraying me, “touch me?”

V’s breath hitched, but no word came from his mouth. My belly stirred anxiously and I felt the urge to say something before I turned into a caldera.

“It could be a fix. You wouldn’t have to uncover anything and I… Could feel you,” I explained, feeling my skin burning. 

V was still for longer than I thought I could bear, but I waited. Then, his hands lowered down my body, until his hands rested on my bare thighs. I panted softly and I felt him tensing under me as he produced goosebumps wherever he touched. His scars created little shivers, as if the contact of our skins generated electricity.

“I don’t know if I could make you feel alright,” he mumbled, deeply hesitant.

“You will. I can assure you,” I said, biting my lower lip, my throat tightening with expectation. “But you don’t have to do it, if you don’t want to.”

He seemed to think for a while and I hoped really hard inside me for a confirmation. Before I could realize, he had encircled my body with one of his arms and had laid me down on the mattress. I gasped, looking at him above me, backed on his palms, his body hovering over mine. The heat of my body grew until I felt I was just a mess of desire and yearning. V laid down with me eventually, placing himself by my side. He rose one of his hands to my face, caressing my cheek.

“Warm me if I do something wrong,” he whispered huskily.

I couldn’t do nothing else but nod, not trusting my voice at that very moment. He let out a shuddering breath and his hand started to travel lower. He looked down as his touch went through all my body. Slowly, gingerly, his hand went from my neck, passing by one of my breasts, to my belly, until his fingertips found the edge of the baby doll.

He hesitated a second, but didn’t stop there. His path of touch continued, exploring my legs, caressing there, making me gasp at the sensation. I arched a bit, trying to hurry him silently, feeling I couldn’t bear the wait anymore. However, he didn’t get it, or ignored it, continuing drawing his invisible ways over my skin. I was considering he had misinterpreted my words when his hand rose to my inner thigh and stopped there.

We looked at each other when his hand came to a rest. V was barely breathing now, and I could feel the slight tremble that his body couldn’t conceal. I rose a bit to kiss him through the mask, meeting the pressure right away. He pulled me down to the pillows, groaning softly, like pain and pleasure were intertwining in the sound, and his hand found my folds at last.

I moaned, letting my head fall backwards, looking at him with a half-lidded gaze now. He sighed too, resting the mask on my forehead, and parted me while I opened my legs more, giving him space. His fingers started to move slowly, caressing my bud with supreme carefulness, and I closed my eyes, moaning at every stroke of his hand. I could sense the hesitation in his moves, the way he didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but I wanted him so much it didn’t matter. Just feeling him was enough to pull me down into a mess of moans and pants, a mess desperately wanting him.

He travelled lower eventually, finding my entrance, teasing me gingerly, which made me utter a desperate whimper, opening my eyes to plead him silently. But, when he inserted one finger inside me and he moaned, the feeling hit me so hard I had to shut them again, defeated. V moved inside me, so slowly that was making me dizzy. He added another finger, filling me, killing me completely.

I couldn’t think anymore; the only thing I could feel was how his fingers felt inside me, how he moved. And when he curled them, hitting the right spot, I screamed in pleasure. He stopped right away and took his fingers out of me. I cried out, replicating, and glanced up at him through my blurry gaze.

“Why did you stop?” I said, totally breathless.

“I thought… I had hurt you,” he answered, even his voice echoing his trembling.

“No,” I sniggered, breathing out. “Quite the opposite.”

He sighed and I arched my body, holding onto his neck, making him lower to kiss him.

“Please…” I pleaded in a whisper. “Continue.”

V gasped and his hand returned to me, his fingers entering me again. I gave myself into his touch, leaving all rational thoughts aside. He went on, bolder as he saw my reactions, going faster and harder, making me scream and whimper, slowly pushing me to the edge.

When I hit the climax, I melted under him, spasming, crying out his name, trembling, wrestling, feeling I had lost my mind for a moment. And, then, I came into ease, panting, not able to open my eyes just yet. I couldn’t sense much, just my sweaty body, the tingling that had taken over it, and his fingers still inside me. V took them out, also taking a soft whimper from me, and I gathered enough energy to look at him. I made him lay down completely, and curled by his side, panting until I could breathe again.

“Are you alright?” He asked eventually, concerned because of my sudden motionless.

“Yes,” I said, feeling I was already groggy. “I’ve never been better.”

V let out a relived sound and held me against his also heated body. I smiled against his chest, falling asleep.

However, the fix didn’t last long.

Since the day he first touched me, our nights shifted into a more heated routine and the joy and the flowing dynamic between us returned. I always reached for him and V always met me. For a while, it felt relieving to feel him, to have those moments. However, it soon started to become frustrating. My hands always tingled dangerously in need to return the pleasure, but I knew I couldn’t. My mind became intoxicated with the thought of him and my body needed to feel him more than ever.

And then the dreams started, as a torturing way to fill up which was lacking. I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling how the sensation of his body over me and the pleasure vanished slowly as I recovered my consciousness, disappearing into the night like a shadow, confused among the darkness, leaving just a trace, a faint proof of its existence.

My first instinct was always turning around, trying to reach him at the other side of the bed, and sighing in total relief when I found he wasn’t there. I never thought until that moment that I would do that, that I would be relieved that he wasn't there. However, the fear that he knew about my dreams tortured me every night, even more now that they were turning too frequent.

And I became afraid every time he touched me that I would mess it up, but I always gave in into his hands, desperate, thirsty for whatever he could give, even if it woke up the hunger of more.

And, that fear, was totally substantiated.

I managed to go a whole month with that, until a particular night, not especial for any reason, he was being extra passionate. The night had been very calm, until we sat on the sofa to see a movie, and our hands eventually searched for each other under the blanket. He had laid me down on the sofa, placing himself over my body, pressing himself against me in a way he hadn’t done before. His hands grabbed me tightly, his ragged breath destroyed all my resistance and soon I had his fingers inside me. He had learned very fast how to break me completely and that night he seemed to want to tear me apart for real, with a mixture of his gentleness and a strong desire that he had been slowly manifesting through those weeks.

He destroyed my mind, kicking out of me all train of thought, all rationality, until I had nothing else but pleasure in my body and the sensation that I was losing all filter. And I did, right before he made me explode, holding onto his back, scratching it, unable to resist the frustration at a moment in which I was so weak.

“V, please…” I cried out, “I need you inside me… Please…”

My head fell backwards roughly on the armrest while I screamed through the burst of my orgasm, trembling uncontrollably, falling apart. He had driven me to madness until I couldn’t almost breathe, leaving my body limp, shaking, devoid of energy or thought.

I don’t know how much time took me to recover from my panting and tingling to open my eyes, finding him hovering over me. He rested his forehead on mine, sighing, driving one of his hands up through my side, from my thigh to my shoulder, and I sensed the tension in the way he slowly caressed me. And I realized that I had unleashed at last.

“I’m sorr…” I started to mutter in a broken voice.

“No. Don’t say it,” he stopped me, breathless. “Just don’t.”

V stood up soon after, lifting me up in his arms and carrying me to bed. He got into it with me, cuddling by my side, but I noticed a strange sensation radiating through him already. And, after that, he didn’t touch me again, and I didn’t try to reach for him.

We were already in the middle of April and the cold was starting to be less present on the ambient, something I felt thankful for. Driving every morning to the shelter with the sharp cold was horrible. However, considering the mess in my head, I started to miss it. The low temperature made me difficult to focus on my thoughts, and that was something I needed desperately.

I feared I wouldn’t have a break from them, anyhow.

It was the Twentieth and I wished to have a very occupied day at the shelter, fixing whatever that had broken again, cleaning the grime or cooking… It didn’t matter. I just needed to distract myself from my situation with V.

Those last two weeks, since I slipped verbally, he had fallen on a dark place again, this time deeper and more inaccessible. He still kept my company and was very touchy and gentle, but he also was kind of cold and distant. Once more, V seemed to take advantage of the poor energy I had when we saw each other, to avoid getting into the matter. He wasn’t sleeping with me anymore either, or hugging me while seeing a movie or reading together. It would have felt like when we first met, if not because then he was warmer than he was now. He barely spoke to me.

V had guarded himself inside a bubble I couldn’t break and I was dying with guilt, knowing he wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for me.

Unluckily, the day that I had before me would be nothing but a real mess. When I arrived at the shelter, I found that everybody was running from one side to the other, carrying things to the infirmary and helping wounded which I didn’t recognize. I ran around, examining the disaster, until I found Bel on a corner of the infirmary, stitching a terrible wound of an unconscious man.

“What has happened?” I muttered, even if I knew the answer already.

“A bomb on a market,” she answered without losing focus. “I’ll explain it to you later. Find Maria. She’ll tell you from where to start.”

I did so right away. Maria told me how the things were right now and that I should help Lila, who was organizing the wounded in the dining hall by gravity.

I spent the rest of the day attending the wounded, seeing blood and hearing cries of pain, trying to focus on my tasks. When the night fell, everybody had been attended, and Bel took me to the Red Salon, where Jeremy was. He was sitting at the office, before an unfolding of papers and a map of London on the table. His eyes were puffy and red and I could see how the frustration was consuming him.

He told me that the bomb had exploded early that morning, wounding at least a hundred and killing ten. He blamed himself for not being able to find the responsible and burst into tears in front of us, not being able to explain anything else. Bel and I comforted him and ended up calling Aiden, his boyfriend, to drive Jeremy home and calm him. When we made sure Jeremy was in good hands, she told me that somebody had broken into the Red Salon when the bomb exploded, taking advantage that everybody would go to the place of the attack to help. They had stolen things from the office, mostly papers about me and V, like reports, private information, my history… Everything. Bel told me that whoever who had done it, had to be from the very organization, so one only could get into the office with dactylic recognition. The entrances were recorded on a digital memory. The issue was that the mole had destroyed the system and the information of the memory, being impossible to know who had entered.

“They seem to be searching for you, Evey,” she said, sitting on the table and crossing her arms, expression filling with worry and tiredness. “And for him.”

“That’s impossible,” I dismissed it. “Nobody knows he’s alive, except for us.”

“Well… Maybe they know somehow. I’m just saying it’s weird they have stolen just information about you and him when they’ve had everything about the rebel cell here, information that could help them destroy our system in the blink of an eye.”

“Maybe it’s an evasion tactic. Maybe they have taken photos or something and have stolen that to create confusion.”

“In any case,” she sighed, “you’re not safe here. You should stay away for some days.”

I scowled at her. “I won’t stay away after what has happened. We have fifty wounded in the infirmary, six of them very badly injured.”

“We have to secure both of the shelters and catch the mole before it’s safe again. Meanwhile, both could explode at any moment.”

“Don’t say that,” I grunted, horrified at the idea.

“It’s the truth,” she declared. “If they had been observing Jeremy and had broken into the office, it means that the opposition cell probably knows the emplacement of both shelters. They can make them explode it they want. So, I’m already concerned enough for having almost two hundred heads under this roof considering that, to have you around here too. If you die, it’s all over. They will win.”

I clenched my jaw, wanting to protest, but knowing she was right. So, I sighed heavily, accepting it in silence.

“Also,” she continued, shifting a bit and letting out a hard exhale. “I need to ask you something, even if Maria and Jeremy don’t want to.”

“What?”

“Can you try to convince V to join us?”

I made a guttural sound, looking at her with absolute disbelief. “What did you say?”

“I know it’s too much to ask, knowing you two are not in a very good place right now… But, Evey,” she glanced at me with sorrow, “he could help us so much… If he was by our side, we would probably catch the opposition cell immediately and end this. He’s the fucking triggering of this revolution.”

“He was very clear that he didn’t want to be involved,” I said.

“Ask him again, please. Try to convince him,” she pleaded.

“I’ll try to ask, but I won’t push,” I warned her. “The situation is already too delicate to add more pressure.”

Bel sighed and nodded, accepting what I could promise. Then, she turned to the papers and joined them in a stock, giving them to me, together with the folded map.

“Take this with you. It will be safer and maybe you figure out something. I’ll send you a message if there’s news.”

When I arrived that night, V wasn’t home. I swallowed the bitter sensation that it brought me and I decided to take a shower, eat something and sit on the sofa with a movie on the background, while looking at the papers that Bel had given me.

The Great Dictator was almost reaching its end on the tele when I heard the door opening. I turned around to see V entering the hall with a pair of bags full of supplies.

“Isn’t too late for going for supplies?” I asked when he noticed me.

“I thought you would be asleep already.” he just said, hesitantly. “I’ve seen what has happened today in the news. How was everything at the shelter?”

“A real mess,” I sighed. “Somebody has broken into our office, stealing things. Bel has given me homework and asked me to stay away from the shelter for a while, until it’s safe again. The mole has to be among the organization.”

He tilted his head. “It’s a clever decision.”

He kept quiet and I sighed, turning around again. I heard him placing all he had brought while I looked at the papers, feeling my head aching with frustration.

V sat by my side eventually, glancing at me, with the mess of papers in front of my eyes and trying to figure out things in my mind silently. I ended up looking up to the movie when the final speech started.

I listened to it carefully, drinking from it, feeling my heart waver with emotion, and hurting at the same time. When Chaplin said his last words and the speech ended, leaving me with goosebumps and a bittersweet savour on my tongue, I sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead.

“What’s wrong?” He said at last, in a careful tone.

“I’m failing,” I whispered. “And I don’t know how to stop it.”

“You’re not, Evey.”

I opened my eyes, turning to him. “Yes, I am,” I answered, being rougher than I intended. “It’s been months since the opposition cell has been gaining power again and messing with us, and no matter how much I try… I can’t stop them. I can’t find a single clue that drives me to them. And we’ve had a mole on the organizations for months.”

I huffed, looking at the papers on the table, so frustrated I wanted to set them on fire. I started to bounce my leg nervously, remembering what Bel told me at the office. I was absolutely reluctant to ask him that, but the truth that I was desperate too.

“V?” I muttered.

“Yes?”

Turning my body towards him on the sofa, I fixed my eyes on his. I sighed, feeling my stomach really heavy all of a sudden.

“I need to request something from you,” I started, unsure.

“Anything.”

I pressed my lips on a thin line, knowing that ‘anything’ didn’t include what I needed right then. “I know you’ve retired from the revolution but… Would you consider returning?”

It didn’t even take him the fraction of a second to answer. “No.”

“Why?”

“My part on it is over,” he said categorically. “You know that.”

“But… What if it’s not?” I argued. “You’re still here. This is your world. You still belong to it. And your future too.”

“Which future?” He murmured, barely, as if he didn’t want me to hear his words.

But I did. “Ours,” I whispered, torn by his question.

V shifted in his place, backing his elbow on the armrest, holding his head with it. I sighed, swallowing the pain.

“V, I need you. You offered me help, if I needed it. And I do. Desperately,” I pleaded. “Innocents are dying. The provisional government is full of Norsefire Youths that are gaining people’s favour and New England is in its way to win the elections. We’re trying to solve this, but we can’t alone.”

“Don’t ask me this, Evey,” he mumbled, looking away.

“But you could do so much good if you came back. I know you would figure out a way to find them. I know you would. And we could…”

“No. Definitely not,” he cut me off.

He got up and started to walk away, but I followed right away, catching him in the middle of the living room. I grabbed his arm, making him face me.

“At least explain to me why,” I said. “I’ve accepted that you didn’t want to return… But… It doesn’t make sense now. Not in this situation.”

“I’m supposed to be dead,” he answered back, a bit rough on his tone. “And you know that that’s not my priority anyway.”

I freed him and he turned around again.

“Even if it’s not,” I said and he stopped with his back turned to me. “why can’t you consider it? Don’t you feel the need to finish what you started?”

I saw how he clenched his fists and I held my breath when he turned around very slowly.

“It’s because I feel it that I can’t consider it, Evey,” he mumbled with a dark voice, approaching me until he was at inches from my face. “Every time I’ve gone out to involve into something you did… I felt it,” he said roughly, almost as if he was in pain. “I felt the remains of the rage, of the impulses that drove me in the past… Of the darkness. And if I give in into this mission again, I’m afraid my past manners will take over me again. And that’s something I can’t afford.”

My throat tightened, my hands trembling slightly. “That doesn’t have to be like that. I’ll never let that happen.”

“I don’t think either of us have the power to stop it if it unleashes.”

“And what if it does?” I blurted out. “That’s who you are too. There’s nothing wrong with living as a man and as a persona. Do you think I don’t? Do you think I don’t have a mask when I go out there to work on this revolution?”

He panted. “It’s not the same. Woefully, you know the horrors that part of me hides.”

“But…”

“I can’t lose you,” he shut me off, raising his voice a little, sounding broken. “If I give in… If I return… I know I will hurt you somehow. I won’t add that to your life once more. I just won’t. So, please, don’t ask me this ever again.”

He left the room and I stayed there, lonely, with the words dying on the tip of my tongue.

Two more weeks passed and being enclosed in the Gallery never felt more asphyxiating, not even when I had been trapped there for the first time. V was every day more distant and he avoided all the possible contact. Some of what existed between us remained before I asked him to join the revolution again, but now everything seemed to have turned into ashes. I couldn’t help thinking that he had changed his mind about us and that was something I couldn’t avoid.

My only relief was my meeting with Bel in the middle of the night, on a roof of a building, so she could bring me up-to-date about the situation in the shelters. Her shelter had been turned into a fortress in the blink of an eye, being almost impenetrable, but Jeremy’s was being a big problem, knowing where it was emplaced. She worried that something happened meanwhile they were trying to figure out how to protect it.

And she had been certain on her worries.

The sound of the beeper woke me up and I reached for it instantly. ‘HURRY. BOMB ON JEREMY’S.’

The most probable thing was that I had never left a bed so fast as I did after reading those words. I managed to get ready in two minutes and rushed to the door of the bedroom. When I opened it, about to get out, I collided against V’s chest. I shook my head, disoriented for a moment.

“Sorry,” I said, breathless, moving around him right away and continuing walking.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, following me as I crossed the Gallery.

“A bomb on Jeremy’s shelter,” I answered, feeling my heart beating crazily, but trying to keep my mind cold.

“On the shelter?”

“Yes.”

Once I was before the door, I opened it fast and I almost slipped out the Gallery and disappeared through the tunnels, if not because his hand stopped me. He grabbed my wrist gently and I turned to look at him.

“V, I have to go right now,” I said in a rush.

“I know. I just…” He mumbled. “Be careful.”

“I will.”

He stayed silent and I hoped for a second he would lean over to kiss me. But he didn’t. And I had no time to worry about the breach between us. His hand loosened on my wrist, freeing me, and I disappeared in the night.

I rushed through the city and ran towards the place where the shelter hid. When I arrived, the old fabric that served as cover for the system of subterranean floors that hid had crumbled almost totally. In front of it, there was a chaos of persons sitting on the floor, rebels that weren’t too wounded helping the others who were, rebel vans coming and going constantly.

I tried not to freeze at the horror, but it took all of me to keep my legs going. I would never get used to barbarity, to how much pain humans could inflict on others just to overcome over them. Keeping my head cold, or at least trying, I searched for Bel. I found some friends from the organization, but I couldn’t trust them, considering how things were, even if it pained in my heart.

Soon after, I spotted Bel near the building with Jean, one of the girls from her crew. Bel talked heatedly, while Jean looked at the stapled papers on her hands.

“Bel!” I shouted and she turned to me right away.

“Evey! Oh God…” She ran to me and I saw right away the redness in her eyes, the tears that she was holding back dampening them.

She captured me in an asphyxiating hug, colliding against me. I held her, confused… And terrified. Bel didn’t lose her composure easily, even in the worst of the situations.

“What has happened?” I muttered.

“The mole… They had blown up the north wing, making the structure crumble and blocking all the exists, except for the west one,” she explained quickly, without pulling away. “We’ve gotten everybody out but… Jeremy is trapped with them in his office. They have him as hostage.”

“What?” I gasped.

“I’ve tried to get down there and negotiate. I’ve tried to get him out but…” She babbled, about to burst in tears. “They have another bomb ready to be detonated if…”

“If, what?” I pushed her, backing away to look at her.

“If we don’t make an exchange in less than thirty minutes.”

“What do they want?” I asked.

Bel pressed her lips on a thin line, looking directly at my eyes. My grip on her arms loosened and I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead.

“They want me,” I sighed.

Bel looked down, letting the tears fall freely.

I knew what I had to do. There was no doubt in my conviction. However, there was wonder in the totality of my heart that belonged to V. I had to try to save my friend, to free him from the hands that had captured him, just to capture me. I couldn’t let him die a horrible death just because I wanted to preserve my future. A future so unsure right then… A future I didn’t know it existed anymore.

I turned around to see our rebels, wounded, betrayed by who we thought that was one of us. And I felt the duty weighing on my shoulders more than ever.

I breathed in, fixing my eyes on Bel. “I’m going down.”

“Are you insane?” She growled, furrowing and raising her head. “I won’t lose you too.”

“Jeremy’s not dead yet,” I argued, scowling at her. “And I assure you he will not die tonight.”

“And what about you? Do you really think you will get out alive? I don’t think they want nothing else but to kill you with this.”

I breathed in. “I don’t know if I will get out. But I have to try. And I won’t let them kill me so easily.”

“Evey…” Bel approached, whispering roughly. “There could be moles everywhere. There could be one here, waiting for you to get inside and warn whoever who has Jeremy down there, to detonate the bomb right away.”

I went silent for a moment, considering that possibility. “Even so… I have to take the risk.”

“For fuck’s sake, Evey!” She grabbed me by the arms, shaking me, letting a few tears fall. “If you die, this will be all over!”

“I don’t believe that!” I growled back, tired of hearing such a thing. “I know that ideas live even if the ones who represent them die. I know it too well. So, don’t tell me that. This will go on, with or without me, just as it went on without V.”

“And look how we’ve ended up: massacred and crumbling more every day,” she almost shouted, fury and regret filling her eyes.

I clenched my teeth, containing a sound of frustration. I also felt that way, but I had no time to dig in my remorse.

I turned around to Jean, asking her for a piece of paper and a pen. She was reluctant, so the papers were the checked list of rebels that had went out, but I scowled at her and she obliged. I tore a piece and backed against a block of a wall that had fallen nearby.

I wrote the letter in a rush and folded it, returning to Bel, that had been looking at me in shock. I gave it to her.

“If I don’t get out… If I die, give this to him,” I said, determinate. “He will come to you right away, if I don’t return tonight. Then… Just pray that this is convincing enough.”

“What is this, Evey?” She babbled, terror in her eyes.

I sighed, looking at it with sorrow. “My resignation. My sorry. And my plea.”

She, trembling, opened the letter and I took advantage of the distraction to run towards the rubble. Bel called for me right away, but I was already going down the stairs that took me inside the crumbling shelter.

Luckily, nobody followed me. I made my way down, avoiding the debris that filled the halls and the main rooms now, going directly to the basement, where Jeremy had his office.

I breathed in once I was before the door of Jeremy’s office, at the bottom of the place, and tried to open it, but it was locked. Without hesitating, I took a little run, colliding against it once, twice… Until the third hit made the door gave in. I got inside abruptly, almost falling on the floor. When I recovered, straightening up, my body froze.

In front of my eyes, I found Jeremy on a corner, knocked down, unconscious and tied, and a bomb disposed on his table, its counter running down to explode in fifty minutes. On the edge of the table, backed against it and with his arms crossed, there was Mark.

“Mark…” I gasped.

He smiled, his blue eyes shining in a devilish way. “Hi, Evey,” he said slyly. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t come.”

I couldn’t believe what I had before me. That joyful boy, so determinate to fight for the revolution, so implicated… He had been in the core of it all…

At the moment the Boonker exploded.

“Why?” I babbled, rage starting to creep up to my chest. “Why are you doing this?”

“That’s too obvious,” he snorted. “But I guess I’ve played my role so well that there was no way any of you were suspicious of me. How could you be?” He said theatrically. “How could you be suspicious of a sweet runaway boy, so up for a new tomorrow, so…” he laughed, crossing his arms over his chest, seeming to think the proper word, “Deeply involved.”

The shock was making me tremble with fury. “You’ve always been from the opposition cell.”

“Bingo!” He snapped his fingers, joyfully.

I breathed in, feeling the urge to grab the knives on my waist, mixed with the confusion of wanting death to which one moment later was one of mine. “Alright,” I grunted. “You and your twisted fellows have me at last. But let Jeremy go.”

“Let Jeremy go?” He said and burst into laughter. “Are you mental? He’s staying with us.”

I grabbed one of my knives in a fast movement, about to go for him, but I stopped when he rose his hand, showing me a little button. “If I was you… I wouldn’t,” he warned me, stern.

My grip on the hilt tightened, rage burning my body, impotence clouding my senses. “If you think I won’t, you are very wrong.”

“You haven’t killed a single person in a year,” Mark tilted his head. “You might be his pupil, but you don’t have the guts to take away a life. Your well-instructed moral is still there.”

“I will if I have to do. Do you seriously want to die for this?” I grunted.

Mark looked at me with a sly gaze, not believing my words. “You tell me that,” Mark smiled again. “You’ve been putting your life in the game, risking it just for the revolution. Aren’t we the same?”

“My intentions don’t go against others freedoms and rights.”

“That’s what you think?” His expression turned dark again and straightened up, approaching me. “Because your so appreciated hubby, V,” he growled, whispering, “didn’t think much on the right to live of my father when he killed him.”

My breath hitched. “Who was your father?”

“Lewis Prothero.”

“That’s impossible.” I blurted out, raising my knife to him, a movement he responded by raising the button too. “He didn’t have a wife or a lover when he died. I worked with him and gossip was everywhere. I would have known if he had a son.”

“Maybe you didn’t know everything then,” he sniggered. “Yes. He didn’t have a lover when he died, but he had had plenty, my mother included. We’ve always been a secret but he took well care of us always. And I would have taken his place if your dear didn’t take him away from me.”

I approached him more, staying at a few inches, looking at him with V’s fire burning inside me. “Your father was the devil. If you knew what he did, you would be disgusted.”

Mark snorted. “I know about Larkhill, Evey. Do you seriously think I don’t know why my father was killed? There’s more reminiscent of that time that your terrorist could have annihilated. It wasn’t hard to figure it out why he did what he did. And you know what?”

He came closer, bending over until his mouth was near my ear, and I pressed the edge of my knife on his throat as a warning, but he didn’t pull away. “When my cell arrives, every rebel here will be put down. But, don’t worry, we’ve got you a special cell, where we will take care of you the way you deserve. And you know what else?” He whispered provocatively. “We know your beloved V is alive and soon he will come to us on his own, to rescue you. And, then, we will make him pay for everything he has done. I’ll make sure it’s a very painful and slow process, I promise. And when he’s burned into ashes, a new empire will rise over you both. Isn’t it romantic?”

Mark retired and we looked at each other directly into our eyes. His fire… His fire was there, on the tip of my fingers, and when the blade moved, I knew that it was my fire too. The blade went through his neck, piercing his life, tearing it away. His blood stained my hands and filled his mouth, while his young eyes looked at me with fear and disbelief.

I got it out roughly. Mark took his hands to his neck, trying in vain to stop the bleeding, filling his hands with his own blood, making a choking sound. He crumbled against the table behind him, colliding, falling on his knees. I stood there, witnessing how that young boy with a soiled soul died, murdered by my very hand and, for a moment, I felt I was seeing it from the outside.

When Mark’s body rested limp on the floor, I reacted at the sudden silence, that made noticeable the sound of the bomb’s clock, clicking at every second. I moved right away, untying Jeremy and putting him up. He growled, half opening his eyes.

“Evey…” He said in a faint voice.

“It’s alright, Jeremy,” I said, placing one of his arms around my shoulders and backing him on me. “We’re getting out of here.”

It took me the double of time to get out than when I got in but, soon, the light of the street met us. Bel received us with a relieved cry and hugged us, examining her wounded cousin right away. When she saw my knife, still on my hand, tainted with blood, I told her what happened and urged her to drive everybody to the shelter before the opposition cell arrived and reinforce the security. We still had a mole inside the organization, but we could avoid the attack from the cell for a while, enough to think what to do.

“I’ll go home to grab some things and I’ll be right there soon,” I told her, while urging everybody to get into the vans. “I’ll stay the time that’s necessary, even days until I’m sure everything’s under control.”

“That’s a horrible idea,” she blurted out, her voice still hoarse from crying.

“It’s our responsibility to take care of these people,” I answered. “We’ve lowered our guard, letting them inside, and more rebels will die if we don’t find the breach right away.”

“Enough, Evey!” She scolded me, grabbing my arm roughly, pulling me to a side where nobody could hear us and making me face her. “Enough with the martyr thing! I’ve had enough! You’ve said all this had been to get you, to get him… If you wander around the shelter, you will give them the perfect opportunity to get you again. Whoever who’s doing this, knows you have this sense of responsibility over the rebels. They will be expecting you to be at the shelter after this. They have failed today, but would have a perfect opportunity to catch you if you act how they expect you to.”

“And what if they attack the shelter? Do I have to stay away, with my arms crossed?” I blurted out, furrowing, mad as I was.

“Yes. Because we will make sure that the attack fails, even if we have a mole inside. And I will contact you when we get them and the opposition moves back to talk about the next step. Meanwhile, return to him, try to talk him out of this retiring shit and,” she gave me the letter back rudely, “burn this fuckery and don’t say these things again, or I’ll end you myself. Now, move your ass back home and stay there. And I don’t fucking care how uncomfortable you are with him now. Solve it or don’t. But stay there.”

I sighed. “What about the White Meadow?”

“What you mean?” She said, crossing her arms.

“What if I stay there?” I said as an option. “Nobody knows about it except for us four. It’s not even in the archives, so the mole in the organization can’t know about it. And we could meet there.”

Bel looked at me, as if she saw through me. “Why won’t you stay with him?”

“I don’t know if he wants to go on with this,” I mumbled sincerely. “It barely seems that we live in the same place anymore. He avoided me less when I was there against my will, when we met. Maybe… It’s all over.”

Her eyes softened with worry, with sadness, and she sighed heavily. “Go to the White Meadow if it’s what you need. But don’t leave him without being sure that it’s what you think it is. As you’ve said many times, he’s complicated and he is not very well physiologically right now. It doesn’t mean he has changed his mind about you. He may be needing that you get into his darkness a little bit. If you leave without confirming, without solving it while you can, there might be no turning back.”

After that, she sent me back to the tunnels and left with the last van. I walked my way down the tunnels, with the weight of the shock of killing and Bel’s words on my shoulders. I walked slower than I used to, reluctant, tired, and utterly confused.

I just returned to a state of alert when I heard rushed steps echoing in the tunnel, before me. I turned the light of my torch to the maximum and soon I met the silhouette of V on the rails.

“V…” I babbled, not being able to continue.

He seemed to freeze for a moment, before relaxing. “Evey…” He sighed. “Thank God.”

“What are you doing here?” I said, being able to ask the question at last. Even my tongue felt heavy.

“I was,” he started, his voice dying a bit, “starting to get very concerned and…”

I let out a pant, continuing my way towards him and stopping by his side. “Well, here you have me.”

His mask lowered, indicating he was looking at my hands, and then to the bloodied knife on my waist. “What has happened?” He mumbled, avoiding to point directly at the fact that obviously I had hurt somebody very badly.

He knew I had never used them to kill, that I had never taken a life, but he was smart enough to figure out that was a truth no more.

I avoided his gaze and continued my path. He followed me from a safe distance and I, eventually, felt enough strength to explain everything to him. The words flew easily, too tired as I was to be bothered by keeping something for me. I just narrated until there was nothing else to explain. After I finished, he went silent, not even making a mention about that the opposition cell knew he was alive.

When we arrived at the Gallery, he stayed behind, on the living room, and I went to the bedroom, getting into the bathroom right away. I cleaned the blood from the knife and took a shower, washing away all the trace of dust and death on my body.

Once I was clean, I sat on the bed, trying to think about what Bel told me. My train of thought was too clouded and my inner self already too hurt to afront a situation like that. However, my mind was bleeding already that night and I thought a bit more didn’t matter anymore. I stood up, walking out of the bedroom and searched for V, who was sitting on the kitchen’s table with a half empty cup of tea. I stopped before him, suddenly feeling my mind blank. I was trying to put together what I wanted to say, when he did it first.

“Evey…” He whispered.

“Yes?” I babbled, hesitating.

He breathed in, deeply, but his breathing sounded very week at the same time. “I need you to know that you can end this right now, if you want to.”

I froze at his words, doubting that I had heard well for a moment. “What?” I breathed out.

“If this is not working for you, you have the absolute right to walk away. You don’t have any obligation towards me.”

My heart seemed to stop.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I said in a faint voice, not believing what was happening.

“No,” he rose his gaze to me. “Of course not.”

“It looks like it.”

“I’m just stating a truth.”

“But… Why?” I said in a whisper. “Why do you say this to me now? What makes you think I want to leave you?”

He sighed and left a paper on the table, which I recognized instantly. My letter. “You’ve dropped it when you’ve went to the bedroom,” he explained in a low voice.

I grabbed it, opening it to be sure it was what it was and my own letter seemed to punch me in the face:

_I’m sorry. There’s not much more than this I can say after making this decision. I guess I am the hypocrite, leaving you behind this time. It’s alright if you hate me for this or you’re never able to forgive me. I’ve tried my best to follow your path. But I haven’t been enough. If I save a friend, I’ll go without so much regret. So, even if I don’t have the right to ask… Please, return. Help this country to find the light. Only you can. And live your life after that. Live the life you truly deserve. _

_Maybe I wasn’t the one for you and I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry for breaking us. I’m sorry for pushing you. If only I had been patient enough, we could have been alright until the end. I wish I could have been in your arms once more before finding death, but I think that maybe I don’t deserve it. Once more, I’m sorry. And I love you. I will love you forever, Evey._

I gasped after rereading what I had written, my hands trembling at the realization that I had damned myself definitely.

“V… This…” I stuttered, knowing there was no way out of that.

“This is what I have made you think these pasts weeks,” he said with a stern tone, that didn’t seem directed to me, but to himself. “That this all has been your fault. And you walked towards death thinking that.”

I felt I wasn’t breathing, struck with confusion. “But… You’ve been so distant… I thought you…”

“That’s because I have nothing, Evey,” he cut me off harshly, so roughly it made me shiver. “I have nothing for you.”

His words seemed to ring brutally on my ears, in the silence that coldly fell between us.

“I told you: if it’s because you’re not ready to…” I said, almost stuttering.

“It’s not because of that anymore,” he shut me off brokenly, standing up, trembling. “I thought I could compensate what I can’t give you with my help, with my protection… But I can’t even do that. I can give you nothing, neither as a man, nor as a persona. I’m just capable of giving you sorrow and I’m not even brave enough to afront it before I lose you. And it’s been like this since the beginning. I’ve known it all along. And it isn’t your fault, Evey. It’s mine,” he grunted painfully. “I’ve been expecting the day you realize it too and I fear that’s today.”

The tears filled my eyes, falling with hardness. “What are you even saying?” I babbled. “That you’ve been waiting for me to leave you?”

“For a while I dared to dream that it wouldn’t happen. I dared to think we could live in this illusion. I dared to hope…” He said with a deep voice, full of darkness. “But I’ve come to see that I can’t make you stay.”

“So, is that it? You’re stopping.” I stated, suddenly mad. “You won’t try anymore. That’s your resolution.”

“I’ll never be the man you deserve, Evey,” V whispered.

“Stop saying that!” I grunted, drying my tears with my sleeve, but more falling right away. “Why are you giving up? I thought that you stopped wanting me for what has happened but…” My mind was racing, thoughts mixing. I didn’t even know what was he meaning. “Do you want to be with me or not?”

“You know I do. But if you’re not good…”

“No. No,” I stopped him coldly. “Don’t continue. Don’t dare to say a thing about what you think I feel. Just… What is all this if you don’t want to break up?” I scowled at him.

His body seemed to deflate and he let himself fall on the chair again. He backed his elbows on the table, holding his head between his hands.

“I don’t even know,” he whispered, barely. “I feel as if I’m losing my mind.”

I looked in awe how he crumbled, trembling slightly. I grabbed the other chair, placing it in front of him and sitting there. I dried my tears and sniffled, before taking his hands off his mask and grabbing his chin to look at me.

“Look… I’m sorry about the letter. I’m sorry for all this confusion. But I want to solve this… What can I do, V?”

I felt the weight of his gaze on mine while we went through that silence. He rose his trembling hand to mine, grabbing and resting it on the table’s surface.

And, then, he just let out an almost inaudible whisper. “Leave.”

My heart stopped and I heard how it broke. “Are you serious?” I mumbled shakenly.

“That’s the only way… I’m breaking my promise,” he said, as if he was a robot, talking mechanically. “I’m pushing you away. Leave.”

“But… Can’t…” My voice died, my lungs devoid of air. “Can’t we talk?”

“I don’t want to talk. Please…” He answered back, a plea in his voice. “Just leave...”

I took a shuddering breath. “I can’t leave like this, V. I can’t…”

“I’ll be out tomorrow night so you can pick up your things,” he cut me off. “And then I’ll change the lock.”

I stayed there for a whole minute, looking at him, frozen. When those sixty seconds passed, a part of me stood up, the part that was flesh and bones. However, my soul was gone, broken somewhere on the floor of the kitchen. Walking like an automatized being, trying not to fall, I walked to the bedroom right away. I started grabbing random things from the closet, not focused on choosing at all. I searched on the drawer for a bag big enough and found my backpack. I started to fill it with the things I had chosen. Once this, I crossed the Gallery, exiting it without even looking at him again. It took me a whole minute to walk through the tunnels to feel that my soul had returned. And when it did, shattered and sharpened by its broken pieces, it opened all the wounds that had been sealed months ago, making them bleed again. Assuming at last what had just happened, the automatized state I was in broke, and I uttered a broken cry, the tears falling down my cheeks like they had been gathering there for an eternity. I continued walking, backing on the walls of the tunnel to avoid falling, even though I didn’t care if I crumbled on the floor and I stayed there, until it absorbed me or I fossilized against it.

When I arrived at the abandoned station, I sat on the edge, not daring to go down just yet, not daring to cross the line. I hugged the backpack tight in my arms, rocking slightly, crying in the echoing silence of the station. When I was doing so, I sensed a strange thing on the pocket of the backpack and I opened it. Inside, I found the trace of a ghost.

I took out the bracelet Eric gifted me at Ireland, and looking at it, I noticed something I didn’t when he gave it to me. An inscription in the inner side: “_if you're lost, you can look and you will find me_. _Eric_.”

That was the song that was playing the New Years’ Eve we first kissed. And, while rereading the inscription, feeling my heart trembling, I heard the words that Liam told me when he was treating my bruise on my mind: ‘if you don’t take care of what’s important, you will have nothing when this revolution ends’.

The memories of everything that had happened since the night that V saved me in the alley hit me all at once… Every word I had heard from his husky voice, every touch of his hands, every moment I felt like dying for having too much of him or none at all… I felt every strong feeling gathering like a ball, colliding against the walls of my existence, as if it was trying to break me completely.

I had been warned. I had been warned that that would happen if I didn’t make the right choices, choices that had nothing to do with battlefield or revolution. And the worst was that I myself had seen the consequences of that choices before, the loss that brought and the pain that tore every part of your world. Every time V and I had given up, on the other or on ourselves, nothing had been left behind.

I looked at the inscription again and, suddenly, it hit me.

I was standing up before I could realize, running my way back to the Gallery, almost forgetting my backpack behind. I ran, not caring if I was out of breath or if my shoulder was hurting because of the events occurred that night.

I shouldn’t have left his side on the first place. I should have realized he was getting consumed by his own mind. He didn’t want me to leave. Not really. I had to find him in his darkness, drag him out, just like I had done before. We always found ourselves there, among the shadows, searching for the light that just rose when we were together.

I ran until I was inside the Gallery again. Gasping, rushing through the place, I went to find him to the kitchen. However, I just found the porcelain teacup smashed on the floor, at the other side of the kitchen, as if it had met a violent smash.

I was turning already to go for him, about to cross the living room when I heard something falling in the distance. I rushed through the hall, until I found the door of his study wide open. I let my backpack down on the floor and got inside carefully. He was backed with his hands on the table, a pile of books thrown to the floor right beside it, together with his mask.

Then, a broken cry broke the silence.

I hurried to cross the distance between us and he realized he wasn’t alone just a second before I collided against his back, encircling his body with my arms. He tensed up, panting. I rested my forehead against his back and I placed my palms on his chest, feeling his breathing ragged and his heart, out of control.

“It’s alright, V,” I mumbled. “I’m here.”

“Evey, what…?” He babbled, sounding shocked.

“I won’t leave. I won’t neglect you. Never again,” I squeezed him, feeling his pain going through my heart. “So… Cry, scream… Do whatever you need and I’ll be here, holding you.”

His trembling hands rose to intertwine with mine, pressing them against his chest. A moment of silence took over. Then, his grip tightened on my hands and I felt his chest vibrating, just before he started to cry again, softly, but so broken... His head fell back, resting it on mine. I held him through his tears, feeling his body shaking with pain and I had to do a titanic effort to avoid joining his cries.

Eventually, he vented and the silence fell on the study again. However, we didn’t move. I still held him and he held onto my hands.

“I’m sorry, Evey…” he mumbled, barely, at some point. “I didn’t mean…”

“Shush,” I shut him off softly. “We don’t have to talk now.”

He sighed and I freed him, carefully going to reach his mask on the floor. I gave it to him with my back turned around and he grabbed it. I waited like that, until he searched for my hand and made me spin around slowly. I looked at him, knowing I couldn’t hide the worry that painted my features.

“Why?” V whispered and I didn’t need more clarification.

“You can’t say you don’t want to break up and then do it. It’s not logical. It’s too easy to realize it’s a lie,” I answered, approaching him. “And you have to be there when your loved one is struggling and I should have realized you were this much. I told you your feelings were safe with me and I broke them even more… I’m sorry.”

“Evey… It’s not…”

“It’s my fault,” I cut him off. “It’s our fault.”

He clenched his fists and I looked down, realizing his knuckles were bleeding. I grabbed his hand on mine, looking at it, my heart dropping to the floor.

“I know you don’t have it easy opening up and I should have helped you, instead of letting you close even more. And it has ended up messing up more than it should have,” I said apologetically. “But the solution is not that I leave,” I rose my eyes to him. “Do you want me to leave, for real?”

V tensed, his pose breaking. “No.”

“I don’t want to, either.”

I rose his hand to my lips, placing a kiss on the zone that wasn’t wounded. He let out a shuddering breath.

“I’ll never leave you, V. I promise you this, as you promised the same to me. I won’t risk myself to die meanwhile we both live. I want this life with you, and I want it to be very long.”

V trembled again and bent over until the mask’s forehead was on mine. I closed my eyes, breathing out, feeling the tension finally leaving my body.

“When you’ve left, I was so afraid…” He whispered. “So afraid that this was over.”

It took me a moment to realize what he really said.

“Afraid?” I mumbled, pulling away to look right into his eyes, through the dark screens.

He looked down, avoiding my gaze and letting go of my hand. The air seemed to disappear from the room, my lungs stopping their function.

“I haven’t felt fear for twenty years, but in the last one I’ve felt it more than ever,” he murmured, as if he was ashamed of his own explanation. “And tonight, my only two fears have joined.”

“V…” I said, sorrowful.

“I prefer an aeon of torture instead of another agonizing moment thinking you could die… A single moment of hurting you again…”

V went totally silent then and I decided to drive him to the sofa, both of us sitting on it. He looked away, but I didn’t stop examining him.

“I’ve never meant to be so cold with you… You can’t imagine how much I hate myself for it. But, every time I tried to reach you, I… I just couldn’t,” he explained, pain filling every one of his words.

“Why?” I asked, careful.

“I’ve been haunted by this fear since this thing between us started… But, after the night we…” His voice died and he sighed roughly. “I’ve been haunted by it even more and suddenly I felt again like everything drove me to losing you,” he murmured, roughly. “If I’m away, you suffer. If I’m by your side, you’re in pain too. If I’m a man, I’m not enough. If I become a persona, I’m dangerous. If I’m both, the darkness of the former consumes me. It doesn’t matter what path I chose… They seem to have the same end and I’m always devoid of things to offer to you.”

My throat tightened painfully when I saw he had started trembling again. “I know that you’re into a dark place in your mind now and I guess it’s mostly my fault… But, believe me, that won’t be our future. We’re going to get through this, together. And it’s not true that you don’t have nothing to offer. You give me everything, every day. I don’t mind we have to go slow, really. And I don’t mind that, sometimes, you feel overwhelmed with the things that cross your mind and you can’t think clearly. You have to deal with a lot and I’ve never assumed it would be easy to cope with that. What I don’t understand is why this has been such a big deal. You have denied things to me before. You have been clear with your limits. So… What am I missing on this?”

V looked at me at last, breathing in brokenly. “I was less scared of being intimate before I realized it was a tangible possibility. I’ve understood that, even if I hear and trust your words, I can’t comprehend that your desires are real until I’ve lived them. And… That day I realized that the only thing I can offer to you is this monstrous body. It’s not worthy of you; it will never be. And every time you give a piece of you to me, every time you show me how much you want me… Less I feel I can give you,” his voice broke and I thought, for a moment, that he would start crying again. “It would never have been easy, to show you this… But now I don’t think I can. It would kill me to crush the desire you’ve developed towards me with this horrid vision.”

I sat there, listening to his broken explanation, clenching my fists on my lap until my nails pounded in my palms. It never got easier to hear him talk about himself as if he was a monster. It tore me every time.

“And I know you will say that you don’t mind how I look and that you can wait. But you can’t imagine the reality of this. I’m aware you’ve created some kind of mental image of me. At least, your dreams have.”

I sensed my soul leaving my body, colliding against a wall and breaking into pieces on the floor. I covered my face, the blush already attacking me.

“I’m sorry...” I whispered, embarrassed and guilty.

“Don’t be. It’s out of your control but… I’m afraid the reality can’t compete with what you’ve been seeing in your nights.”

“That’s not…” I started, uncovering myself, trying to break through the fluster. “Nothing can compare with the real you.”

He sighed roughly. “What I mean, Evey, is that everything is against me in this matter. In all matters, actually. I want to give you all, but I’m horrified that what I’ll trigger in you are revulsion and regret.”

“You could never be revulsive to me,” I said, this time not trying to hide my stern tone.

V sighed deeply and I saw the tension building up in his body. “Unfortunately, we both have something to compare my appearance with,” he muttered and stood up.

He gave me his back and backed himself on the edge of the fireplace with both hands, bending over.

“What do you mean?” I whispered, confused.

He didn’t talk right away. “I sometimes wondered if you missed him,” V uttered in a defeated whisper. “I felt monstrous every time I hoped you wouldn’t… But I hoped, and I hoped I could be enough. So, I suspect this is my punishment.”

I needed a moment to catch what he was saying. “Are you talking about Eric?” I furrowed.

V was silent for a second. “Yes,” he exhaled finally, bending over more, as if he was losing strength.

My heart beat once painfully, making me tense up. “V… Of course that I miss Eric. But not in that way. I’m just… Still feeling guilty about his death and, well… He was my friend. Nothing else.”

I saw how, far from relaxing, he stiffened more. He didn’t utter a word and what he had said started to bother me.

“What do you mean with that we both have something to compare you with?” I mumbled, a bit afraid to ask.

He breathed in, straightening up a little. “I know how I looked before the fire.”

“What?” I gasped. “I thought you didn’t have memories…”

“I don’t. But you know I didn’t lose them the night I escaped,” he said roughly and it took him an instant to go on with his explanation. “One day, I saw my reflection in a mirror when they were taking me to my cell after working at the farm and it never bothered extremely me to remember myself how I was… Until you came into my life until I wished to look like that again… Just so I could be enough of a man to love you. I would be a monster inside anyway but, at least, I wouldn’t look like one.”

I stood up without hesitating and grabbed his arm, making him face me. “Then don’t pity yourself now for what you’ve lost if you’ve never done it before. Not for me. I’ve never, not even for a single moment, wished that you looked different. I want you the way you look now, not the mirage of the person you used to be. I want your scars and your scarred skin. It’s the reminding of your strength, for goodness sake! How could I be repulsed by that? And I’ve seen enough to know that it’s better than you think.”

V kept looking at me for a while, motionless, until a sigh escaped him, the tension leaving his body. “That’s not the only thing to consider, Evey,” he muttered, sorrowful. “I’m afraid to be consumed again by the persona. If I fall on that, these things won’t even matter anymore, because the man will disappear again in regards of the mission.”

I hitched, breathing out tiredly. “I understand that you’re afraid. I’ve gotten to know how consuming the revolution is, how much you have to renounce for the sake of it… And I almost made that very mistake tonight, choosing it over you.” I explained, taking a reassuring hand to his shoulder, giving him a fond look. “But I also realized that we’ve lost too much already because of it and that, when it ends, it won’t have any sense for us if we’re not together.”

I squeezed his shoulder and then came closer, bending to place myself between his arms, still backed on the fireplace. I drove my hands to the sides of his mask, trapping his face. “It’s alright if you answer the need to continue with your work, V. I didn’t make you promise you wouldn’t return because I knew it wasn’t probable that you never felt the need again. It’s inside you and it’s okay. It makes you who you are. We wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t had this impulse,” I lowered my hands until they found his chest, stopping there. “I just wanted to make you promise you would count on me if you decided to make this move. I’ll never let you fall in the darkness of the past. You will always have me to hold onto if you feel you are and I’ll help you to get out of it. We’re stronger together. We are not alone anymore.”

My hands travelled even lower, until they found his hips. I gripped them tightly and pulled him closer a bit roughly, making him gasp softly.

“And regarding the intimacy issue… I’m afraid you will have to take the risk someday,” I said in a low voice, my eyes burning on his. “Until today, every step you’ve taken has been very successful, don’t you think?”

He murmured a bit. “I guess.”

“Then, don’t worry so much that this will be different,” I muttered. “Be patient with yourself and don’t be so concerned about what I need or what I deserve because… Because what I deserve is that the man that I truly love comes at me ready and sure and that’s something that is worth all the wait. Just warn me when you feel like you can try and we will figure it out together. Know you’re not obliged to go all the way the first time if it gets too much. We can take it easy. But don’t keep concealed because you’re afraid I’ll be repulsed, because there’s no way I could be. I’ll adore you as much as I do now… Maybe even more.”

He was still silent and I sighed. I couldn’t pretend he will be totally alright instantly, not after so many weeks of trouble inside him. I was about to say something again; however, he was faster.

“How can you think you are not the one?” He whispered, sounding extremely hurt. “How can you think I could live this life without you?”

I gazed at him, confused, furrowing in worry.

“What you wrote on the letter,” V clarified, approaching me more. “It broke me to read that… It broke me that you think so poorly of yourself, when you’ve given me so much… All I have now, all I want to be, has been created with your love. And I don’t want any kind of life without you.”

He rose his fingers to my face, placing them over my eyes, closing them. I trembled slightly, keeping them shut, hearing how he sighed and the air of his exhale wasn’t contained by any barrier. I gasped when a slight sound of his mask being thrown on the sofa and his warmth near my face took over me.

“You’re the mistress of my soul, of my body… Of my whole being. And you deserve all the good things this life has to offer,” he mumbled near my mouth, softly, pouring all his emotion in his words. “I think I will never understand how or why you love me, but I succumb under your decision and I promise I’ll never doubt it again. I’ll try to give you everything I can. And just as you pull me to light, and you enlighten me, I want you to know, to feel, that that’s my will… And that you never should think otherwise.”

His hands trapped my face gently and I sighed, moved, shocked by his touch after missing it for weeks. V closed the distance between our lips, trapping mine with his mouth, kissing me. He pressed me against the edge of the fireplace and I held onto his back, producing a light whimper. And I gave in. I gave in so willingly, so desperately… That I almost rose my hands to his cheeks too. Instead, I growled, kissing him harder. He freed my mouth and took my hands to encircle his neck. I had the urge to protest at the very moment, but suddenly, I felt his grip on my thighs and how he pushed up to raise me. I gasped, surprised, holding myself better onto him, while he rested my weight on his hips. He captured my mouth again and I felt him retroceding, lowering, until I sensed my tibias resting on the sofa, V sitting with me above him. His hands searched my hips, grabbing me gently, without stopping kissing me.

I sat on his lap and pressed myself more against his body, to which V responded with a soft hiss inside the kiss. Suddenly, he pulled back, gasping, and I felt helpless. “I… I’m terrified. It’s true. But just because I love you so much. I desire you so much… You make me feel I have no control of myself anymore. And every time I feel I can lose you… I would rather burn inside an eternal fire.”

“V…” I whispered, feeling the tears on the edge of my eyes.

“I’ll adopt the persona once more. I’ll fight, just because I can’t bear anymore being paralyzed underground when you could be dying out there. But, please…” he gasped, grabbing my hands on his and placing them against his chest. “Please… Don’t let me be consumed, if it’s not by you. I’ll rely on your vision, your strength to keep me here. And don’t believe me if I even again ask you to abandon me… It could never be true. And… I still can’t imagine what kind of future I can give you, but I want it. God help me… I want it so much.”

I leaned over him, taking his mouth on mine again, desperate, and he received me with the same hunger. He grabbed me, putting me down on the sofa, without breaking the dance of our lips, constantly needing the other. He placed himself over my body, hovering, but I encircled his hips with one of my legs, pulling him down. We both groaned when our bodies touched as if the weeks of being apart had pained suddenly, like stiffness.

In an unexpected outburst of bravery, his lips left mine, moving down my cheek, until they placed on my neck. I moaned, letting my head fall backwards, giving him more space. When he kissed my neck, I felt the edges of his face on my skin. He made his way up again to catch my mouth, pressing himself more until I felt his arousal down below, hard between our bodies.

“I trust you, Evey,” he gasped, almost moaning. “I trust that you will want me this way even after I uncover myself. I’ll give myself to you, as openly as I can… Just give me some more time.”

I sighed, feeling I couldn’t think clearly with the sensation of his body burning over mine. “As long as you need,” I whispered. “I’ll wait for you.”

He huffed and his mouth found mine once more, filling with kisses all the loneliness of the past weeks. When we were almost without breath, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine, our noses touching. I couldn’t help a sight of delight, trying with all of me not to open my eyes to see the man I loved, so close to me.

“Thank you,” he murmured softly.

He stood up then, leaving me laying down there, hit by the coldness of his lack of touch. I waited, knowing he was searching for his mask, until I sensed him sitting on the edge of the sofa, by my side.

“Can I look now?” I said.

“Yes.”

I did, half opening my lids, finding him there, like a dream, illuminated with the warm light of the lamp. V bent down a bit, touching my cheek with his gentle hand, giving me a soft caress that contrasted strangely with the passion of his mouth from a few seconds before.

“I’m sorry for breaking my promise,” he said, regret filling his voice, that still wavered with his ragged breathing.

“I’ll let it go this time,” I said, sitting to have him closer, encircling his neck with my arms, hanging myself from it. “Don’t worry.”

V hugged me too, pulling me closer. We stayed there, like that, just holding each other, breathing into the closeness that we had missed during those weeks. Eventually, the tiredness of the night hit us and we made our way towards the bedroom. V laid down with me once more, breaking the spell of loneliness. We sunk into a deep sleep, holding the other in our arms, knowing, without needing to say it out loud at that moment, that that’s how it had to be for the rest of our lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas y'all! <3 I hope you're having a wonderful time!
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be ready the last weekend but it has ended up being harder to write than I thought... And longer. And well... Unexpected Christmas gift for you, I guess! <3 Sorry if it's a bit messy (I'm a bit tired). However, I'm pretty excited because the next chaper will be very special and I hope to have it before the year ends. 
> 
> By the way, the translation of Don Juan Tenorio I've used was made by N. K. Mayberry & A. S. Kline. It's such a nice translation, but if you can read Spanish I recommend that you read the original version of this wonderful play if you're interested in it. 
> 
> Thank you so much to those who have left comments and kudos! It's very much appreciated and it's always wonderful to know from you as the story goes! It makes me really happy. <3
> 
> See you soon! xx


	12. My love, leave yourself behind; beat inside me, I'll be with you

It’s strange to feel so much peace when you know war is unleashing outside.

That morning, I woke up with the gentle calmness of breathing by my side, of the warmness that filled the space under those sheets. Through my half-lidded gaze, blurry and just illuminated by the faint light that entered by the doorstep, I saw the grin of Guy Fawkes before me. The man concealed under the mask was immersed in a deep sleep, which made me wake up completely. I moved slowly, backing on my forearm to raise a bit, glancing at him from above.

It was the first time I had woken up before V, the first time I had seen him asleep.

He was breathing ever so softly… His chest raising and falling with supreme peacefulness. He was sleeping face up. However, his head was turned to where I had been a moment before, laying by his side. His left hand was splayed over the sheets, between us, as if he had been trying to reach me in his dreams.

I contemplated him, smiling unavoidably, drinking from such a view, my heart beating with warm happiness. In moments like that, I found myself totally astonished by how much I loved that man.

Considering that his strangely long sleep had been caused by the tiredness of the events the night before, I decided to slip out of the bed, carefully, and get out of the room, closing the door behind me. The best would be letting him sleep.

I walked towards the kitchen and found the cup still on the floor. I made a face, remembering momentarily the conversation we had in that very place just a few hours before. I shook the thought off my mind right away and proceeded to clean the mess, but not before playing some music on the Wurlitzer, in a volume that I knew didn’t reach the bedroom.

Knowing that it wouldn’t take long for him to wake up, I decided to prepare a sweet and lovely breakfast for him, to make up the bittersweet savour of the day before. I started to make pancakes while the music played in the background. I was feeling so at ease that I didn’t realize I had started swaying a little, humming, and then singing along with the voice of Nat King Cole.

At some point, even if he didn’t make a single sound, I felt him. My senses detected his eyes fixed on my back, observing me while I cooked and singed, and I didn’t stop, not until I had taken out the last pancake from the pan.

“_L is for the way you look at me_,” I sang, turning around, leaving the spatula on the counter and giving him a sly look. “_O is for the only one I see_,” I came closer to him, encircling his neck with my arms as he grabbed my hips. “_V is very, very extraordinary_,” I remarked, smiling up to him.

V sniggered and I did too, leaving Nat King Cole singing by his own, now having something more interesting to be focused on.

“Good morning,” I said, happy to hear his laugh after a month, almost.

“Good morning, Evey,” V answered softly, the joy echoing in his voice. “I see you are in high spirits today.”

“I have a good reason to,” I smiled broadly. “Have you slept well?”

“Yes, even though I think I haven’t slept this much in years,” he sighed, tilting his head a bit. “You should have woken me up when you did.”

“I thought you had to be very tired to sleep so much. I wanted to let you rest,” I explained and gave him a playful look. “Besides… It was more fun to see you sleeping.”

V let out a broken sigh, bending over until the mask’s forehead touched mine. I closed my eyes, relying on it, and then backed away.

“Are you hungry?” I asked, softly, glancing up at him with fond eyes.

“Frankly, I am. Although I think if that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t be able to refuse this smell either.”

After that, he sat on a chair and we had the first breakfast in which we both ate. And, probably, the happiest and the strangest, at the same time. I decided that I wanted to eat with him and I decided to keep my eyes closed all the time, so he could put down his mask for a while. He didn’t like the idea at first, sounding guilty for it. However, after seeing me trying to cut the pancakes and put food on my mouth without seeing, he couldn’t avoid laughing. V helped me, ending up feeding both of us, which made the breakfast twice longer than usual.

The rest of the day went on in a similar way. We spent all the time together, watching movies, reading or just talking about whatever. We didn’t mention anything related to the revolution; we just relied on our company, on our closeness, heling the sorrow that had kept us apart the past weeks. In the blink of an eye, we seemed to get our dynamic back, as if nothing had happened at all.

However, some things had happened and they appeared at some point, while we talked. Killing Mark had been necessary. There were no more options to get out of there. And it wouldn’t be something that would pain me so much, surely, if it wasn’t because I knew him. Well, I thought I did. The point was that it wasn’t somebody random and that moved some guilt inside me.

I thought that V would tell me something like he did in the past, like violence can be used for good and that I shouldn’t feel regret, but the reality was pretty different. He told me that he had never felt like that because everybody he had killed was nobody to him, but that he thought it was normal for me to feel troubled about Mark.

After that, knowing the real situation had landed on our minds again, we decided to look at the reports and the map, trying to find a clue that drove us to the plan of the opposition cell.

When I unfolded the map over the table of his study, with the places where the five bombs had exploded marked, it still didn’t make sense to me. Nevertheless, he looked at it for a few seconds and grabbed a red marker right away, rushed.

“What?” I asked, surprised, seeing how he started to connect the dots.

He didn’t respond, tracing a circle over the map, joining four of them, just before drawing an inverted V in the centre, matching the last dot. I looked at it, breathless, while he marked three crosses more, forming enough of the figure to be recognizable.

Then, he sighed, letting himself fall on the back of the chair.

“What does this mean?” I breathed out, fearing to just think about it.

“It means that Mark didn’t lie,” he said in a deep tone. “They know that I am alive. This is all to make me come to light,” he kept quiet a moment before grunting. “Of course…”

“Of course?”

“This has never been an attack against you, the rebels or the population. It’s been a call for me,” he explained. “Maybe it was their intention in the first place, but not anymore. I suspect the intention of the bomb on New Year’s Eve was killing you, but the second one happened right after you left the shelter. Something on New Year’s Eve gave them the hint that I was alive… And the fact that you moved out was the final clue. They needed to prove it, so they made the mole in Jeremy’s crew cross a false message and make you come to a deserted place, to a danger, expecting that I would come too. And I did and they probably had somebody of their cell watching it all. After that, they have been making things explode with the hope to capture or kill me. But after this many attempts, they’ve realized that the only way to make me come is using you as a bait, trying to get you first so I’ll come to save you wherever they are hiding. They’ve realized that which moves me now is not the revolution, but you. They have found my only weakness.”

He got up angrily, making the chair fall almost when he did, and walked towards the fireplace, backing against it. I observed him with my heart sinking, trying to process what he had said.

“They don’t fear the rebel cell. They know that is weakening every day and they have information from the very inside, being ready to every one of its movements against them,” he said, breathless. “But they fear me. They know I’m capable of ruining their raising again and, now, they know I have a fear too. If they get you, they will end the hope that the revolution has left… And me.”

“How are you so sure that this is their plan?” I muttered. “Mark might have lied to make me angry… He was just a minion, after all.”

“I’m certain because I know how they think. You’re aware that I know it well,” he said, the hint of rage already filling his words and the memory of Delia’s journal made me shiver. “Their most powerful weapon is fear. Fear makes you weak, leads you to them, forces you to accept their resolution against you… They know how to get into your mind with fear and mould your process of thinking until there is nothing left but terror. And it doesn’t make a difference that you don’t fear them per se. It’s enough that they find what you fear to use it to break your will.”

I came closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “But we have love now, V. And love is more powerful than fear. That’s how we will win against them,” I said, firmly. “They won’t overcome us if we stay together. Let’s talk with Bel about this when she contacts me. We will find a way to stop the bombs and get to them, I’m sure.”

He just nodded but didn’t give me a verbal answer.

Bel didn’t send me a message until five days had passed. We decided to meet on one of the safest roofs we knew and she seemed very startled to see V with me. We explained to her that he had decided to fight with us and she seemed extremely relieved at the news. She told us that more people had left the shelter after what happened and that barely two hundred were living there still. Also, just fifteen from the original forty-five from the organization remained and most of the ones gone had joined Nicole’s crew.

“You should never have left,” she said to V, sitting on the floor, against the wall, tears of frustration dampening her eyes. “We have been a poor substitution for your work.”

“It took me twenty years to be ready,” he said, sounding extremely reassuring. “If I had adventured myself into breaking the government just a year after my escape… It wouldn’t have been successful either.”

“And how you pretended for us to do it if you couldn’t have?” She muttered, furrowing and closing her eyes, backing her head on the wall.

“Liberation is just the first step, but freedom is a slow path to walk. I never assumed it would be easy or quick.”

She sighed, opening her eyes to look at him. “Anyhow… We don’t have twenty years to plan something out. I don’t think we have barely a year before not even the pointer is left.”

V glanced at me and I gave him a smile, rolling my eyes slightly. “We are two of a kind,” I sighed, shrugging my shoulders.

I went to her and grabbed her hands, making her stand up, and when she did, I gave her a slight push on the shoulder. “I may have a martyr complex, but you are martyrizing yourself now. We have something that might be useful to stop the chaos, at least for a while.”

I showed her the map and V explained to her what he thought that the opposition was doing.

“So, it’s an act of revenge,” she huffed with sarcasm in her voice, when he finished.

“Indeed,” he whispered roughly.

“But that means that you are in serious danger now,” Bel furrowed, looking at me.

“Haven’t I been for two years straight?” I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. “It’s nothing new.”

“She’s right,” V told me, turning to me. “Don’t take this lightly. They will be more aggressive in their attempts to find you. They won’t meanwhile you are with me, but I’m sure they will try to extort you soon, attacking the shelter. Playing with your sense of duty and love towards your friends is their strongest card now.”

“So, I’m still on house arrest,” I declared.

“Yes,” she said in a stern tone. “And don’t you even think about getting out if he’s not with you.”

I grunted. I hated it but I knew that they were right. It would be a chain of disasters if I gave in into their tricks.

“And what are you going to do with the shelter?” I said, worried. “Is it ready for an attack?”

“Yes. I have everything covered and hidden from the moles. They won’t have it easy leaking information or getting explosives inside the shelter.”

V said he wanted to meet Jeremy, so he had all the information from the search of the opposition cell. She promised to bring him to the next clandestine meeting with us and that way we could talk about what to do. After that, we returned to the Gallery. I couldn’t avoid feeling a bit useless, as if, suddenly, I had fallen into a chessboard and I was the king on the white side. I was quiet almost all the time, just able to do a single movement, mostly to escape, and everybody was risking their lives and protecting me, so the black pieces didn’t kill me.

As Bel promised, a few days after that, she sent me a message setting hour and place to meet early that night. However, when we arrived at the roof that she had indicated me, there was nobody. I shivered furiously, feeling the sharp fear creeping up my back.

“Are we early?” I muttered.

“No,” he whispered, glancing towards a random direction.

The silence of the night ate us whole, leaving us in a tense ambient. If they couldn’t have come in the end, Bel would have sent me a message warning me. But she didn’t.

Out of the blue, a sharp cry hit our eardrums. “Evey!”

“Don’t move,” V demanded roughly.

V turned around right away, running towards the edge of the building, jumping down. I gasped, reacting slower, but approaching as fast as I could the edge too. He was already on the floor, at the alley, having jumped two floors as if nothing. Jeremy was sitting down there, telling him something before he ran out of the alley. I went down by the emergency stairs in a rush and threw myself on the floor next to Jeremy right away. He had his hand on his side, pressing a wound that didn’t stop bleeding.

“Jeremy!” I gasped, putting my hands there too to add pressure. “Oh my God!”

“You shouldn’t be here. You have to go up, now,” he panted, warning me.

“Bollocks! I won’t leave you here, bleeding!” I answered back, offended.

“I’m alright. It’s just a little cut,” he said, but the worry didn’t leave his eyes.

“Where’s Bel?” I muttered, shaking with fear already. “What has happened?”

“A blonde woman has attacked us from behind,” he started, frustration painting his features. “She was waiting for us. She knew that we would be taking this way. But Bel noticed her before she could hurt me badly. She has run away and Bel has followed. And, now, go up. If there are more from them around here…”

I grunted, not wanting to hear the same lecture again. I grabbed him, pulling him up and backing his arm on my shoulders. “If you don’t come, I won’t go either.”

He obliged, sighing, and we went upstairs. Once on the roof, I let him down and looked at the wound. The bleed was stopping already. Then, I backed on a corner, glancing down at the street, expecting to see V and Bel at any moment.

After five minutes of torture, I received a message on the beeper. It was from Bel. “GO DOWN. ALLEY.” I looked down right away, seeing V with Bel sitting on the floor, against the wall. Jeremy and I rushed down as fast as our legs and his wound let us. At the very moment we left the stairs and stepped on the alley, I saw that Bel had a tourniquet on her arm.

“You too?” I squeaked.

“This malicious whore knew something more aside from following,” she gasped with darkness in her eyes.

I looked at V, nervous. “Did you get something?” I muttered.

“No,” V said sternly. “She has shot herself before answering any question. I had no time to even reach her.”

Jeremy let himself fall on the floor too, grabbing his head between his hands, deflating totally. “Fantastic…”

“We shouldn’t be here. It’s better we find a safer place to talk,” he said, crouching down to grab Bel on his arms.

V took us to a near entrance of the tunnels even I didn’t know, getting inside a crumbling station that had barely anything left except for its structure, the tunnels totally blocked by the rubble.

“Is this safe?” Jeremy muttered, sarcastically.

“It won’t crumble if that’s your concern,” V said, putting Bel down on the floor.

I sat by her side, looking at the tourniquet that V had made with a strip of his cape. She looked at me with sad eyes and I didn’t need for her to express it out loud. I just gave her a brief smile that didn’t reach my eyes.

“You are not safe in the shelter,” V said to both of them. “Whoever who’s been tracking you is observing, always, and has to suspect that you are going out to meet Evey. You were very close to the place of our meeting when she has attacked you. Either she was following you until guessing where the meeting was and then kill you both, or she already knew and was waiting. Maybe they even have your communication dispositive tapped.”

“That’s impossible. I made them so that couldn’t happen,” Jeremy protested.

“Even so,” V started, “they know now that you two are in contact with me, which is enough to want you dead. That, without considering that you are one of the main heads of the revolution. They know you are searching for them and I don’t think they are very happy with the new defence system of the shelter. At this very moment, as much as you’re suspicious of your surroundings, they are too. They’re enough intelligent to understand you have realized of their plans, especially with my involvement.”

“So,” Bel sighed, “what can we do? We can’t leave the shelters and disappear. It would be counter-productive.”

V breathed in, thinking for a moment. “But it’s not a clever move for you to stay there after what has happened tonight. They will be wary about the death of this woman. I don’t know who she was, but a minion? I don’t think so. She might be the one pulling strings since New Year’s Eve, maybe as a representation of something above her, but she had to have some power. She preferred death before talking. She knew enough to be dangerous for the opposition cell if she did. But they will not know if she has talked or not, what do we know now. If you stay and make yourself visible, they will try to murder you right away, right in the shelters, just to protect their secrets. They are aware that you don’t trust the organization anymore and that you keep this kind of information for your little circle.”

The silence fell on the crumbling station, the three of us looking at V with expectation and different kinds of defeat in our eyes.

“I don’t think they are afraid of you, not, at least, if they think you are on your own,” V continued. “I’m sure about my suspicion that they are very confident of their forces. They think of massacring the rebels just as they did twenty years ago and none of you is a threat to their eyes. Our best card now is to play with one of their biggest weaknesses: they don’t learn from their mistakes.”

“What do you mean?” Bel asked in a low voice.

“They see me as the only threat, the only one that can stop them. When I made myself visible for the first time, they were so focused on capturing me that they diminished the power and hope that was filling the population’s hearts. Now, it will be the same. They know I’m alive and they think the way to arrive at me is through you. If we leave them devoid of that path and give them another, they will forget about you.”

“Are you suggesting yourself as cannon fodder?” Bel inquired, astonished.

“Not exactly,” he answered right away, realizing I was looking at him with absolute reluctance. “I will be… Just a distraction; and a renewal of the hope with any luck. Evey has insistently warned me that I work with you on this or I don’t work at all. I’m here to help, not to lead, and you are in danger due to my past actions. I accept the responsibility for this. This is a chain of events that was supposed to end with my death, but fate had other plans.”

“What do you suggest then?” Jeremy said.

V thought in silence for a whole minute and we didn’t move at all, examining him as he did, as if we could read something on the stilled expression of his mask. My heart was beating wildly with a fear I couldn’t point its exact origin.

“Conceal yourselves somewhere safe for a while, in a place that nobody knows except for you. Apart from one from the other, if it’s possible.”

“How much time?” Bel asked, downcast, a little shine of reluctance in her gaze.

V sighed, mediating it to cope with the plan I knew he already had on his mind. “A month will be enough, I think. At least, if everything goes in the right direction.”

“A month?” She yelled, tensing up, scowling at him. “How do you expect me to leave the shelter for a month?”

“I will take care of it, with Maria, if she’s not reluctant before the idea,” V said in a soothing tone.

Bel looked at him with wary eyes for a long instant but ended up sighing, defeated. “Evey knows how it works too. She can’t go there, but she can help you from safety. Maria is good with numbers. However, with explaining… Not much.”

V went totally still suddenly and I feared his words before he said them. “Evey should hide somewhere else too.”

“What?” I rose on my feet, giving him an urgent look. “Why?”

“For my plan to be successful, I will have to move to the shelter for the month, and I won’t leave you alone at home that amount of time, even if it’s secured.”

“No, V. No. I refuse,” I blurted out angrily. “We’re supposed to do this together. You won’t push me aside. You promised.”

“I’m not,” he answered, the words seeming to weigh heavily on his tongue. “You won’t be totally safe home and you won’t be with me, at the shelter. And I don’t have the capacity to be at two places at the same time. This very night I’ve had to leave you alone for a moment and that could have been fatal. I’m not willing to take those risks knowing they want to get you as a hostage. Being apart is the only way I can keep you safe and you promised me that you would watch over your life, too. Besides, the best would be to confuse them about the relation between us. With you here, that can’t be done.”

I breathed in sharply, fixing my eyes on his through the dark screens, frustration growing dangerously inside me. He told me he was scared of being the persona again, fearing he would unleash manners that didn’t want anymore, and now he was asking me to be apart from him, where I couldn’t help him if he wavered. I didn’t understand it and it was too personal to bring it into the conversation at that very moment.

“That’s not fair,” I stated, furrowing. “You can’t ask me that. You shouldn’t.”

V sighed deeply. “I won’t force you, Evey. But consider it openly, please.”

I clenched my teeth, frustrated. Bel’s hand rose to mine, grabbing my fingers gently. I glanced down at her, finding her softened eyes.

“He’s right, Evey,” she said. “Let’s trust him on this. We can’t do much more.”

I grunted and tried to swallow my frustration. “Alright,” I barely whispered, looking away with sorrow. “But, where?” I gave him a hard look.

Silence. I could feel the tension he radiated through his clothes, not being able to give me an answer steady enough.

“It’s alright if she’s with me?” Bel asked V after a while.

V gave it a thought, a bit clouded all of a sudden, concerned by my reaction. “It’s better, honestly. You can watch over each other, this way.”

“Don’t smooth it out,” I said roughly, sitting again by her side, feeling I had no energy to stand anymore. “She’s the one that has to watch over me, so I don’t mess up the plan.”

“As always,” she huffed, giving me a playful look and I scowled at her.

We decided that we should leave as soon as possible. Bel said they would go that night to the shelter and warn Maria about the news and explain to her that V would take the lead of the shelter for a while. After that, Jeremy would leave the country and go to their grandfather’s village in Sweden and Bel would meet me at six o’clock in the morning at the deserted plot to go to the White Meadow. Then, all would be in V’s hands, again.

Once we left them, we returned to the tunnels, directly to our last night together for a month. I walked in silence, trying to get it into my head, and he didn’t say a word until we were near the Gallery.

“I’m sorry, Evey,” he said, sorrowful. “It’s never been my intention to infuriate you.”

I stopped walking, turning to him. “I’m not mad,” I answered, sounding mad, indeed. “I’m just not happy with the idea of being apart for a month, right after a crisis and your confession that you fear being carried by the persona. How can you expect for me to stay a month quiet and away, knowing that?”

He looked at me for a silent moment, before his gaze dropped to the floor and a deep exhale escaped him. “I don’t want this either. It breaks my heart just to think about it and I understand your concern... But I rather face this fear than putting you in danger so I’m not afraid. I promise you I’ll be alright, as long as I can remind myself you are safe.”

I sighed, feeling how my frustration deflated. “Alright,” I said tiredly. “I don’t know how you’re planning to fix this situation, but I trust you if you think this is the right thing to do.”

“I’ll never send you away if there was another option,” he assured me, apologetically.

I stretched my hand to him, giving him a soft look. “I know.”

He didn’t say anything more and grabbed my hand. Then, we continued walking, until we were at the Gallery again. Once inside, a sudden coldness hit us. I hugged myself, shocked.

“Why is everything so cold?” I gasped, clenching my teeth. “Have you turned off the heating when we’ve gone out?”

“No,” he responded. “I’ll go check the cauldron in the basement.”

I nodded and he disappeared. Sighing, I decided to go to the bedroom and get my things ready for the next day, trying not to think much.

I was closing my suitcase when V appeared again. “It’s broken,” he just stated.

“Really?” I made a face, leaving the suitcase in a corner. “Well… I need to shower anyway.”

“The water will be very cold,” V warned me, concerned.

“I know but I’m covered in dust and blood and I don’t know when I would be able to shower again. The Meadow has been unoccupied for long,” I explained, exposing the situation.

He breathed out, nodding and left the room again. Once alone, I got into the bathroom with a few towels and my baby doll. Having gathered some resilience, I adventured myself into the shower. V was right. It was like showering at the Pole North.

I got out of the shower shivering furiously, gasping, rushing to dry my skin and put a towel on my hair. However, it didn’t solve much. The coldness that harboured the Gallery and the lower temperature of the water had sunk into my body. I put on the baby doll and covered myself with one of V’s bathrobes, rushing out of the bathroom to grab something warmer.

I was searching inside the closet, cursing under my breath, when V appeared by my side, placing his gentle hands on my waist.

“Come with me,” he said, softly.

“Wait, let me…” I answered, barely, my teeth chattering.

“Trust me,” he cut me off.

I sighed, hugging myself, and I followed him to his study. When I stepped inside, the change of temperature hit me. Surprised, I entered the room faster, discovering the image of the fireplace hovering a stock of firewood, licked by a vivid fire. I gasped, turning to look at him for a moment, before rushing to stand before it. I grunted in relief, feeling the warmness of the flames caressing me.

“Where did you get the wood?” I asked, once my teeth stopped chattering and I felt less cold in my bones.

“I had some in the basement. Just in case,” he answered, approaching slowly.

“Has this happened already?”

“No,” he responded, joining his hands before him and walking towards the fireplace. “But I got some after you showed interest in the fireplace. I thought that maybe you would like to light it up someday.”

I smiled fondly. It always touched me that he thought of those details. We looked at each other in silence for a moment. Then, he uttered a sigh and turned towards the sofa, walking until he stood before one of its sides. He grabbed its edge and pulled the armrest down, which made a click and turned flat. I gasped, seeing how he did the same with its back and the other armrest.

“It’s a bed,” I muttered in disbelief.

“Yes,” he nodded.

I let out a little laugh. “Definitely, I’ll never know all the secrets of this place,” I said, furrowing. “Why do you have a sofa-bed here?”

“For no particular reason,” he admitted, straightening up and glancing down at it. “I opted for this one for the study and I discovered it wasn’t just a sofa when I carried it here.”

I hummed, understanding. V hesitated a bit, his perfect pose shifting slightly.

“I thought,” he started, unsure, “that it would be better to sleep here tonight, considering the temperature of the rest of the rooms. At least, here you won’t be cold.”

“It’s fine for me,” I said honestly, thinking it would be very cosy to sleep near a fireplace.

V made a brief reverence, before exiting the room. I stayed there, looking in the direction he had walked away, furrowing. He was acting kind of strange; I couldn’t point exactly why or in which way, but he was. Maybe it was because that was our last night together for a while or because he was unsure about the Meadow.

Anyhow, I sat in front of the fireplace, drying my hair with the towel a bit more, before letting the water evaporate with the welcomed heat of the fire. V returned soon, with a pair of fluffy pillows and a thick cashmere blanket. He set the provisional bed in silence, before coming to where I was.

“Are you hungry?” He asked and I sensed that his tone was strange too.

“No, I’m fine. Thanks,” I looked at him, smiling lightly. The shock of the plan had left me a bit dull inside.

“Maybe some wine?”

I shook my head. He crunched down to grab the towel in my hands, but not before caressing my cheek for an instant. Then, he took it away, disappearing once more. Examining his constant movement, I realized at last what was strange. He was moving all the time, a clear hint of nervousness.

I stood up, deciding to ask him what was wrong when he returned. Starting to get really hot, I took off the bathrobe, leaving it on the table, folded.

V returned soon after, walking tentatively, until he stopped by my side, before the fireplace.

“Are you alright?” I asked, a little concerned.

He hesitated. “Why do you ask?”

“You seem nervous. It’s because of the plan?” I adventured to guess. “I’ll assure you that the White Meadow is very secure.”

“No. I’m not concerned about the security,” he muttered. “I’m just… Not fond of the idea of a whole month without you.”

I pressed my lips into a thin line, sensing my gaze shining with sadness. “I understand,” I admitted in a whisper. “And you’re right. It’s better than Bel is with me. Otherwise, I don’t know if I would be able to stay away from you for so long.”

We got immersed in a brief silence, surrounded by the crackling of the fireplace. My heart hurt just to think that we would have to be apart for so much time. However, that made me want to have the best night possible by his side.

“Well… Considering this is our last night for a while…” I said, glancing at him. “What do you want to do? A movie? Reading by the fireplace? You chose today.”

He shifted a bit and I saw how his muscles contracted, stiffening, and his chest rose in a deep, broken exhale. I thought he would say something, but he kept quiet, making me shiver at the mystery.

“V… For real, is everything alright?” I mumbled. “You’re worrying me.”

He straightened up at my words as if they had hit him on his back roughly. “Everything’s alright. I can assure you,” V said, but the unsteadiness of his voice failed him and he realized right away, deflating a bit and sighing, looking down. “It’s just that… I thought that maybe you would be interested in a certain proposition for tonight.”

I swallowed nervously. “Tell me.”

V came closer, eating the distance between us, and grabbed my hand on his, interlacing our fingers with gentleness. I made an effort to be patient at his long silence, giving him time to collect his own words from his mind.

“I asked you for a bit more of time,” he whispered, eventually, with an unexpected unguarded tone. “And I think that I’m ready to try.”

I kept my eyes on him, feeling how they weighted on mine through the obscure screens, analysing every line of my expression. My brain seemed to stop for a moment, unable to process his words. However, when it did, when I realized what he meant, my mouth dropped slightly, unable to utter a gasp or a word, but showing my astonishment anyway.

“Are you sure?” I got to say, at last, my voice rough.

He breathed in, deeply, his grip on my hand tightening. “I told you I would trust you on this, but, with all my honesty, I’m utterly afraid,” V admitted, almost in a whisper.

“It’s fine that you are,” I muttered, approaching him more, feeling the expectation already creeping up by my body. “You know we don’t have to go all the way the first time. You can stop this whenever you need.”

He gave me a little nod, looking down, and the silence fell again. I was trying to breathe steadily, not showing how his proposition had already triggered the impulse on me to rip his clothes off and jump on him, never before so close as I was now from feeling him. However, I knew that that time, the first, wouldn’t be the one to unleash all the passion I professed to him. That time was for us to start this new phase, slowly, securely, and my mission was making him feel secure and loved, so he wasn’t afraid anymore. That’s why I knew the first step would be mine to take.

“How do you want to do this?” I said in a soft voice, reassuring. “You don’t have to undress completely if you don’t feel sure enough.”

“No. I want to do this properly,” he answered, sounding unsettled already.

“Alright,” I whispered.

I rose my hands to his mask, tentatively, but he captured my wrists just in time before my fingers sunk under the locks of his wig, startling me.

“Not this,” he said, almost breathlessly, as if he had realized in that very moment of that limit. “I can’t show you this yet.”

I nodded, avoiding to look at him sadly, and he loosened his grip on my wrists, lowering them.

“If I can… I want to have this at least once, before you see it,” V mumbled, with a deep frown in his voice.

I scowled at him slightly, concerned that he thought that I wouldn’t want him anymore after seeing his face, but I swallowed my scolding. That was not the moment.

Sighing softly, trying to cool my mind a bit, I glanced at his black shirt. He let me go completely, freeing my hands, that searched for the buttons right away. My fingers started to unbutton the shirt, opening it slowly, one after the other, until the compression one that was concealed under it was revealed. V let out a shuddering breath, shrugging his shoulders to let it fall to the floor, making a light sound that seemed to block the air from filling his lungs.

I admired his muscled trunk and arms, still covered, sensing how the first shiver of desire ran down my belly, getting me goosebumps at the realization that this was real. I saw how he clenched his fists as if trying to control the slight trembling that had started to go across his body.

“I’m afraid that you’ll have to take this one off,” I said in a low tone, gazing up to him.

He didn’t say anything and I decided to turn around, giving him privacy. I heard his ragged breathing, right before the sound of the mask and the wig resting on the floor and his shirt caressing his skin as he peeled it off. Meanwhile, I felt him moving at my back, I noticed I wasn’t breathing due to the expectation. My mind was clouding already and I found difficult to think.

V stopped moving eventually but didn’t warm me if I could look or not right away, so I waited anxiously. Instead, I sensed his gentle fingertips reaching one of my hands, grabbing it gently. He made me turn around, and I followed, moving with supreme slowness as if I feared I would scare him if I was too fast.

And, when I saw him, his trunk bare before me, I thought I would faint soon, completely devoid of air now. I examined his perfectly conditioned body… His strong neck, his marked collar bones, the edges of his strong muscles, his powerful arms… All covered with a mantle of skin in which red marks and white scars danced across its extent, creating a bright, fiery starry sky.

My eyes watered and I couldn’t avoid it. He tensed up furiously, scared by my reaction, but I talked before he could freak out more. “You’re so beautiful,” I gasped, furrowing with frustration, feeling that there were no words strong enough to describe what I needed to say. “God…”

V kept stiffened, clearly shocked, and trembled harder when I took a step towards him, barely leaving a distance between us. It took all of me to raise my eyes from his chest, looking at him, feeling the plea in my eyes already.

“Can I touch you?” I whispered, almost begging for his confirmation.

He let out a breathy pant and I interpreted it as a yes, or I hoped it was. I returned my gaze to his skin, raising one of my hands to his chest. I traced gingerly the line of his right collarbone and his pectoral, following a white scar with my fingers, sensing that know electricity that I found every time our skins touched. V gasped roughly, taking a sharp breath, tension building up in his muscles. I stopped, without backing away, searching his gaze with mine.

“Did I hurt you?” I muttered, worried.

“No. No… It’s just…” He gasped, without proceeding on his explanation, probably not knowing himself what he wanted to say.

At his silence, and hoping he would stop me if something felt wrong for him, I lowered my hand at the same time I contemplated his wonderful body. I went down by his right pectoral, caressing the rough nipple as I went down, a shadow of what it had been, but still sensitive, considering the soft moan that he made. His chest rose and fell again, brokenly and far from steadily, accompanying the sound of his ragged breathing against the wall of the mask. I caressed the lines of his abdominals and his lower belly, enjoying how he tensed under my touch until the edge of his trousers forbade me to go on. Then, I rose both of my hands to his shoulders, going down by his strong arms, delighted by the feeling of his warm skin on my splayed hands. When my hands found his ones again, I noticed that I was trembling too.

“You can’t imagine… How much I’ve wanted to touch you…” I whispered emotively, taking his hands to my waist.

I approached, even more, placing my hands on his bare back, without taking my eyes off him. I caressed him, sensing the shaking that was taking over him on my palms, standing on my tiptoe to place a chaste kiss on his neck. V moaned, as if in shock, and I felt how it tore my patience, threatening to break it completely if I heard another sound like that. Even so, I risked it, carried by the need of sensing more of his skin, and traced a way of soft kisses down his neck, until his pectoral, making him gasp with every single one.

Pressing my forehead against his chest, I looked down, taking my hands to the zipper of his trousers. Unexpectedly, my trembling fingers found a way to unzip them. However, when I was about to grab the edges of the piece of clothing, I was pulled back by his gentle hands. I looked at him, surprised, fearing for a moment that he would tell me to stop. Contrarily, he bent down to take his boots off. When he rose, grabbing the edges of his trousers to take them off, he stopped an instant, gazing at me. I sensed his hesitation in the way his body contracted, but the blush on my cheeks and the need in my eyes seemed to give him enough courage to go on. Even so, he moved slower than before while taking off his trousers and socks, casting them away. When he straightened up, facing me once more, the only thing that still covered him was a pair of black boxers, that couldn’t hide the furious arousal they concealed.

I swallowed, examining him all over, feeling as if I was about to set on fire. I bit my lower lip, contemplating his scarred but strong legs, and the last layer that was left, unavoidably. He didn’t need for me to say anything then. After another moment of unsureness, he hooked his fingers on the boxer’s edge and took them off too, freeing his erection.

I hugged myself for a moment as if that could disguise that I was somehow scared too. I was the one that knew what was doing but, suddenly, before the image of V, so wonderful and strong, I felt I knew nothing about what was about to happen. Intimacy and sex weren’t things foreign to me. Nevertheless, there was a different power between us, a magnetism that wasn’t as simple as two bodies about to join together. It wasn’t just lust or desire which moved me to him, but an immeasurable need of his love and the search for a total closeness, a moment when there were no barriers between us. I knew nothing about my body trembling before a touch or the feeling that if he didn’t, I could die. I knew nothing about desiring somebody so hard it left you breathless and that you felt half alive without their love.

But there was a thing I knew. I knew that, once he touched me, I would be damned forever. And, God… How I wanted to be damned…

I grabbed his hand and took him to the sofa-bed, making him sit in front of me. He did without putting up resistance. I bent over, placing my hands on the cheeks of the mask, kissing hardly the enamelled lips. He returned it from the other side, producing a soft grunt that sounded full of frustration.

Then, I straightened up. My heart started to beat faster when I glanced down at him, thinking of how I was moments away from feeling him at last. This last thought gave me the impulse to grab the straps of my baby doll, without taking my eyes off his, pulling them down of my shoulders. The piece of lingerie fell to the floor, not making almost a sound, leaving me naked before him. His breath hitched instantly at the vision, giving me a shiver of desire. I placed myself nearer and took his hands on mine, raising them to cup my breasts. At the soft feeling of his hands there, I sighed, closing my eyes for an instant. I felt how my nipples hardened with excitation when he grabbed them, more secure, and I arched into the touch unavoidably, leaving him to explore on his own, holding onto his shoulders.

His hands lowered down my belly, sending shivers all through my body, continuing by my sides until he found my buttocks, gripping them gently. I panted, opening my eyes, feeling how his gaze burned on mine through the dark screens of the mask.

“Let’s lay down,” I whispered, needy for that to go on, feeling my legs wouldn’t resist my weight for much longer.

He answered with a sigh and I slipped by his side, laying down over the blanket. He turned around, doing just the same. We both faced each other, bare and unsure, but clearly needy for the other. I debated internally about what to do: if delaying or not. He was looking a bit overwhelmed and I opted to give in into the foreplay a bit.

I came closer, making him lay face up, splaying my hand on his abs and sliding through his skin until I found his hard length, grabbing it between my fingers. V gasped huskily and I did too, for a very different reason. The way he responded to my touch and the knowledge that he wanted so much what was happening… Just broke my resilience even more. I started to move my hand slowly, barely stroking him, unsure about if the scars that marred his skin there could be painful if treated roughly. However, he responded with a series of low moans that vibrated inside me like a poisonous sound, intoxicating me and making me want more of them. One of his hands, between us, seemed to search something to grab onto, finding one of my thighs. He gripped it tightly and I gasped, feeling, delighted, how his fingers dipped on my flesh, letting me feel how he trembled harder and harder at every stroke of my hand. I drunk from the sight of him with my own heat devouring me, growing at the same pace that my need did.

Carried away, I placed myself over him, trapping his body between my arms and my legs. I backed on my forearms, lowering, and our bodies inevitably touched, one against the other, and we both hissed. V took his hands to my back, tentatively, barely grabbing me. Trembling with need, I kissed the lips of the mask again, which he returned with a soft growl cloaked in his throat. Hit by such sound, I backed away roughly, breathing in deeply in an attempt to control myself.

But I couldn’t. The very second after I had pulled away, and I saw him there, under me, gasping and beautiful, I felt drawn to him again. I kissed his neck, slowly going down by his body. He tensed and arched slightly at the same time I rested my lips in every place, moaning and gasping until I found his hipbone. His length was furiously hard now and I felt it twitching when my lips approached the zone.

I stopped myself for a moment, recovering a trace of sense. Maybe I was taking that too far for the first time. Maybe I was making him too overwhelmed. But I wanted for him to feel so good, so wanted that he wouldn’t doubt any more of how much I yearned his love.

Carefully, I nudged his legs apart and made space for me there. V wheezed, looking at me when I took my hand to his length once more, grabbing it, teasing the moistened tip with my thumb, earning another moan from him. I resumed my stroking again and he groaned right away, his head falling backwards, losing the connection with my eyes, arching his back into the touch. I ran out of breath, seeing him slowly coming undone under my touch. Before this wonderful sight, I lowered my head, taking him slowly inside my mouth.

V cried out huskily, his voice raising with a degree of heat I hadn’t heard yet, throwing my sanity away completely. I rose and fell, tracing a slow pace, my tongue dancing across his length, my lips adding slight pressure every time they found the tip. I added the slight stroking of my hand eventually on the base, making him move his hips up unintentionally, uttering a sharp whip of pleasure. I grunted softly, shaken by a huge shiver. I was eager to make him feel good, so fuelled as I was by his reactions. I had waited which felt like an eternity to return all the pleasure he had given me and convey my desire of him on his body.

“Evey,” he cried out loudly, his voice cracking in a plea.

I stopped right away, taking my mouth away from him. He seemed to deflate at the very moment, gasping roughly, and I made my way up again, looking at him with concern.

“V…” I said, feeling a bit self-conscious suddenly. “Are you alright? It was too much?”

He whimpered, his head sinking in the pillow more, slightly falling back, making his Adam's apple more pronounced, moving as he tried to catch his breath. I didn’t know if he was looking at me or not and it was unsettling me.

“V?” I asked eventually, seeing he wasn’t speaking still.

Suddenly, his hands grabbed my waist and V turned us around. He pushed me down on the mattress and placed himself between my legs. Hovering over me, backed on his palms, I looked at him in awe, feeling how the bubble I was in had exploded and I had fallen on a more heated one. I whimpered a bit when he lowered, sensing his narrow hips pounding on my lower belly and his hard length between us, expecting.

I swallowed, even if my throat seemed dry all of a sudden. I couldn’t breathe, as if the powerfulness of his body was crushing me in the sweetest way. I breathed out, tensing up, feeling already like dying, waiting to feel him completely. However, V was just there, above me, huffing and panting, trembling.

“Sorry,” he panted. “I… I’ve got carried away…”

“I’m not complaining,” I sniggered softly, nervously, feeling all my body burning with need.

He gasped and placed the forehead of the mask against mine. I felt his panting colliding against my wet lips and I shivered, intoxicated by his sweet scent.

“I don’t think I get past this night without dying,” he whispered, almost sniggering.

“Then we better stop,” I said, also whispering, roughly, gazing at his eyes under the mask.

V kept silent for a moment, his breath hitching. “I rather die, my love,” he muttered in a husky, soft tone.

My face burned suddenly and I kept my widened eyes on him, full of awe and bright surprise, shaken by his words. He pressed the lips of the mask against mine and I whimpered, closing my eyes. I rose my arms to encircle his neck and pushed him down, making both of us gasp when our bodies pressed against the other more.

He pulled back some, taking one of his hands down my body until it found my folds. I yelped, surprised, opening my eyes to see how his fingers started to move. Moaning, I glanced up to him for a moment, just to find that he seemed to be looking down to my body too. That burst a flame inside me, another one, more powerful, fuelled by the knowledge that he had never seen what he did to me in the light. He always had explored me under clothing, mostly under the faint illumination of the bedroom or in the total darkness.

V started giving me light strokes as if he was mimicking what I had done to him. I trembled and panted, arching my back when the dizziness hit my head and I needed him to go further before I died with need. He got it, but he didn’t speed up. Instead, his fingers searched for my entrance, caressing there with supreme slowness, not entering me. I grunted, and whimpered, pleading him in silence with my half-lidded gaze. Obliging, at last, he entered me with one finger, moving inside me with slow-paced movements. It felt like the most heavenly torture and he seemed to be aware of it. V let me whimper a little more before inserting another finger, filling me. I closed my eyes harder, arching and pushing myself against his hand as he started to move faster. When he pressed his thumb on my bud and started to caress it, at the same time his fingers worked inside me, curling to find my most sensitive spot, I screamed in raw pleasure. I was starting to lose conscience of myself. It didn’t take long for me to feel the known tingling at the centre of my core, ready to explode, and I grunted, stopping his hand with mine and taking it away from me. I pulled him down more, gasping and fixing my eyes on his, sharp and full of need.

“Make me yours, V…” I barely whispered near the lips of the mask. “I need you now... Please…”

He grunted, his arms failing him a little, obliging him to back his weight on his forearms and his body completely on mine. I sighed, now barely being able to breathe, but not caring a single bit. V pressed the mask’s forehead against mine and I hugged him harder at the feeling of his uncontrollable trembling.

Eventually, he rose up again, backing on his palms, and looked down where our bodies had to join. He panted brokenly and I held my breath, waiting anxiously again. When I sensed how he lowered, how his hips moved between my thighs, I knew that that was the last moment I had left of sanity. After that, I would be totally consumed by him, forever.

That last moment seemed to pass slowly, just as if I had lived again my whole life in a second, brief but too long without him. Then, I sensed as if a barrier had broken inside me when he pushed himself inside me to the hilt. I moaned loudly. V grunted huskily, his body tensing up above me. He didn’t move right away and I closed my eyes for a moment, in sweet disbelief he was inside, filling me, burning my senses with a new fire.

He was trembling too hard and he was taking too long to move, which made me go through my desire, finding the concern on the surface and giving me enough strength to open my lids.

“Are you alright?” I gasped. “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” he whispered with a rough voice, barely, giving me shivers. “I just needed a moment.”

I nodded, sighing, waiting and keeping from moving myself, shaking with need. Eventually, he moved back again, thrusting into me with a soft but clumsy movement of his hips. I moaned again, not knowing if that hit of pleasure came from his husky cry when entering me again or his length inside me.

V moved unsure at first and I couldn’t discern if it was because of his nerves betraying him or because he was a bit lost or both. However, he seemed to give in at some point, speeding up and thrusting inside me without that much fear. I received him every time, crying out with pleasure, not minding that he was crashing me a bit or that he was colliding too hard against me sometimes. I just could think of how my body burned for him, how I felt complete every time he moaned, every time he moved inside me… I didn’t know how I had lived without that sensation for a lifetime. It was so powerful, to feel him at last, that I thought my heart would explode at any moment.

Soon, the combination of his loud pleasure and the ecstasy he inflicted in my body made me approach the edge again, making me lose all control if I had some left still. I encircled his hips with my legs, pushing him down.

“Evey…” He gasped roughly, reaching my hands and interlacing his fingers with mine, backing his weight on them, pushed against the mattress surface. “Oh, God… Evey…”

My name on his needy voice, a warning that he was close to his limit too, echoed inside me, pushing me dangerously towards madness. I tried to keep my eyes on him, not wanting to lose a single moment of what was happening. But it was difficult, his movements more eager every time, his thrusts starting to become harder and bolder, clouding my senses with the proximity of my climax.

He was crying out loudly now, hiding his concealed face in the side of my neck, holding himself onto my hands roughly. My moans turned into raw screaming and the last thing I could do was to plead for some clemency.

“God… V… Don’t stop,” I managed to shout, just before it happened.

The explosion inside my body consumed me, reducing me to a shaking mess of screams that carried his name and tingling devouring my being. I arched under him, contracting and trembling. He cried out too, one last time, giving me one final harsh thrust, throbbing inside me at the end of his ecstasy.

I thought that my heart had stopped beating for a second.

V collapsed over my body, his hands relaxing on their grip, all his weight on me now, and his mask still attached to my neck. He panted harshly, trembling, almost whimpering. His heart hammered wildly against his chest, glued to mine as if he tried to reach my own. All my body tingled and my vision was blurry. The rhythm of my own breathing was almost destroyed, all my energy gone before the release… But I found some from an unknown place, letting me free my hands from his grip and raise my arms, holding him. I breathed in against his shoulder, sinking my face against it, sensing a warm sensation tingling all over my skin that had nothing to do with touch or pleasure, but with love. It was love that covered me whole.

I thought I knew what happiness was, but, surely, I didn’t know. With him there, on my arms, after giving himself to me, after giving in to love, I discovered what happiness really was.

He slipped to a side eventually, almost falling in his attempt to lay by my side. I turned on my side too, as if following his movements, and looked at him, who was still breathing raggedly. I grabbed one of his hands, interlacing and resting them between us.

Our bodies came to a rest after a while, breathings restored, and the room seemed very quiet with just the crackling of the fireplace suddenly. I played with his hand a little, caressing him with my fingertips, tracing ways over his skin, taking delight in the new sensation that had brought being his. After a while, I dared to touch his body again, passing my fingertips all over his trunk. And it wasn’t lust what drove my touch, but the adoration of the man before me, as if I could paint real ways with my love over his skin, healing what had been broken for so long. His hand, that had been on mine, rose to do somehow the same, resting on my shoulder and going down by my side, until it found my waist, where it stilled.

“This can’t be real,” he whispered very softly, almost inaudible if I hadn’t been so close.

“Thankfully, it is,” I answered, raising my eyes to his at last, but not stopping the exploration of my touch.

V sighed, bending until his mask was against my face. I approached more, placing my arm around him and pulling our bodies as close as that position allowed me to.

“I’m sorry it didn’t last longer,” he admitted, sounding ashamed.

After a second of silence, in which I processed his words, I started to laugh. He shifted a bit and, even if I couldn’t see it, I sensed his astonished eyes on me at my reaction.

I was too gone to notice how much the act had lasted, but the thought that, even with a self-constructed way of living, zero memories and experience in human relationships, that concern had gone through all that… It was just too funny.

“Why are you laughing?” He mumbled, as confused as worried.

I breathed in, swallowing my laugh, and pulled back a little to look at him with a smile. “It’s nothing,” I huffed, amused, shaking my head.

I pushed him down, face-up, and rested my crossed arms over his chest, backing my chin on them to look at him. “V… It’s been perfect,” I said, reassuring.

He made a slight sound of discomfort and it sent a shiver of worry down my spine, activating my senses, bursting the bubble. I rose up, backing my arms on his sides again to look at him from a higher perspective.

“At least, for me,” I mumbled, now unsure about the events that had just happened.

He didn’t say anything and I sat on the bed, right beside him, backing away. He sat too, as he had been drawn by a magnet inside my body.

“Are you,” I said, my voice cracking in the middle of the sentence, “regretting this? Haven’t you enjoyed it?”

V breathed in sharply. “Oh, God, Evey…” He said in a desperate tone and rose his hands to cup my face, “Of course I have. This is being the best night of my entire life. This, the moment I will treasure the most; I’m sure. What you’ve just given me goes beyond anything I ever had or hoped to have, or dreamed of. I could never regret this. I never thought I could be loved before you came into my life and, tonight, I almost exploded in how much you’ve made me feel, how loved and desired…”

I let out a sigh of relief and looked at him, furrowing slightly. “With the incredible command of language that you have, you have to stop giving me these prolonged silences. It’s bad for my heart,” I warned him, even though his confession was attacking my heart harder than his silence.

“The reason, I fear, is that you always manage to leave me no words to express myself with,” V admitted, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. “And I know I can’t express myself well enough now about tonight.”

I sighed, holding onto his shoulders and sitting on his lap, encircling his neck with my arms. “I’m content enough with you believing me at last that I love you whole, and that I want you however you look,” I whispered. “Besides, you look incredibly fine. You’ve been too hard on yourself. I knew it wasn’t so bad. And honestly…” I pushed him down to the mattress, placing a fast kiss on the lips of the mask and resting my body on his, feeling how they matched perfectly. “It will be really hard to keep my hands off your perfect body now, having had you once,” I murmured seductively, “I’ve always had problems with controlling myself and not jump onto you, but now I don’t think I can hold back anymore.”

V trembled a bit under me and grabbed my hips with supreme gentleness, creating a series of hot shivers on my sides. “I believe you, yes, but don’t ask me to understand it, because I can’t yet,” he said a bit playfully. “And I’m yours too, Evey. Do as you please with me, whenever. God knows I hope you do so.”

Those words hit me, becoming a weakness of mine in a second. I grunted softly, feeling my body trembling, my forces failing me. “Do you think I can?” I gasped, furrowing a bit with worry. “Are you comfortable with being nude whenever, without premeditating it before?”

He let out a deep sigh. “I don’t think I will ever become comfortable with my appearance, so I can’t promise to seem reticent in the future. However… This was the hardest part and knowing what’s on the other side of the matter… I think I will receive you without much trouble.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, hiding my face on his neck, closing my eyes. He took one of his hands to my curls, caressing them gingerly. I sighed, drinking from that wonderful sensation, knowing I was having it for the first time and I wouldn’t be able to have it again for a whole month.

“You had this planned, didn’t you?” I muttered. “So, I can’t go tomorrow.”

V sniggered. “I didn’t but I suspect I’ve got myself a problem too,” he said, putting a few curls behind my ear. “It will be very difficult to have you away for a month now.”

“It will be impossible,” I grunted, pressing my face more against him. “I don’t want to leave you…”

“I know, Evey…” He sighed, sorrowful. “But it’s how it has to be. You’ve agreed.”

“Damn the time when I have,” I protested.

He rolled over, letting me down on the now wrinkled blanket, and looked at me from above.

“Let’s not think about tomorrow,” he breathed out with a bit of sadness, “meanwhile it’s still today.”

I nodded and he sat on the edge of the sofa-bed. I swallowed dryly, realizing I hadn’t seen his bare back yet, and it made me shiver with expectation. V kept motionless a few seconds before standing and walking towards a corner of the room, grabbing a pair of logs and throwing them on the fire. I smiled for myself, examining how he moved with such grace, how he looked from behind: wide shoulders, perfectly arched back, round buttocks and firm legs.

I gazed at him dreamily, letting out a sigh, and he turned around to return to me. “Can I say I completely disagree with you about the way you look?” I said, receiving him again by my side, stretching my hand for him to grab. “You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

V took my hand and laid down with me once more. I encircled his hip with my leg, glueing our bodies together. He swallowed and the tension started to build on his muscles, as he hugged me, encircling me in a gentler way. I took my hand down his body and caressed his length, already hardening, at which he responded with a hard gasp. I stroked him, making him tremble and moan again. “Do you want me again, V?” I asked in a dark tone, full of need.

“Yes, Evey… God… Yes, I do,” he groaned.

I didn’t think it twice. I straddled him, grounding on his lap, taking him inside me without hesitation, ripping a deep moan from both of us. He held onto my hips, gripping them firmly, and I placed my hands on his abdomen, feeling how my thighs were starting to shake at the sensation of him filling me once more. I breathed in, rocking my hips, moving over him, softly at first. It started as a contemplation, trying to memorize the perspective of his body from there, how he tensed and relaxed at every move of my hips, how his chest rose and fell more raggedly at every second, and how his head fell backwards, showing me the perfect curvature of his neck. It started like that, but he was a vison so intoxicating that I couldn’t help myself.

I bent over, backing on my hands, placed at every side of his face, and started to move wildly over him. V cried out, leaving my hips free, holding onto my back instead. I felt his fingers digging on my flesh and I gasped, shivering, encouraged.

I guess I was wrong to think it wasn’t the time to unleash all the passion.

We both moaned at each other, almost synchronised in the pleasure. He started to grunt my name continuously, huskily and deeply, coming from a part of him he was discovering right then, sounding almost imploring. I grabbed his hands, pushing them down, just as he had done with me, and fell on him hard every time I took him inside.

When he fell apart with the burst of his orgasm, he shook furiously and screamed, gripping my hands harder, letting go inside me. V, panting, whipping, went slowly motionless under me. Gasping, I let myself fall by his side, resting my head on his chest and immersing on the sound of his wild heart. Soon, I felt his hand on my chin, making me look up to him.

“Close your eyes,” he asked, still breathless, “please.”

I did right away and I had his passionate lips on mine before I could sense he had taken off his mask. He groaned into the kiss, kissing me with open need, unguarded, fearless for the first time. However, we were too tired, too out of breath, for it to last long. V pulled back soon and I felt him putting his mask on. When he touched my face again, passing his fingertips softly for my cheek, I sighed, but I didn’t open my eyes.

“I love you, Evey,” V whispered, full of emotion, “endlessly.”

“I love you too,” I answered, falling on his chest again and curling by his side. “endlessly cubed.”

He sniggered and I smiled. “That’s not possible.”

“Shhh. Of course, it is.”

V laughed softly and shook his head a bit, but didn’t protest again. Instead, he placed an arm around me and caressed my head. And, with the sound of his steading heart and the feeling of his love across my body, I fell asleep.

I felt his gentle hand cupping my cheek, caressing me softly.

“Evey,” he whispered.

“What?” I answered, barely vocalizing.

“It’s time.”

I groaned. “Time for what?”

“For you to go, unfortunately.”

I furrowed, vaguely remembering what he meant. “No,” I argued, half-asleep.

“I don’t like it either, but you have to wake up.”

I sighed heavily, sinking myself on the pillows more and stretched my arms under them. Then, when I noticed there was no headboard, I furrowed more, realizing I wasn’t in our bed. Opening my eyes as much as I could, I found him sitting on the edge of the sofa-bed, with the fireplace still burning at his back.

I looked down at myself, covered by the cashmere blanket, naked and the memories of the night before hit me like a tornado. I blushed slightly and glanced at him again, fully dressed already. Not being able to help it, I sighed sadly. I wished I could have woken up with him naked by my side, but also, I was glad that he didn’t let that happen. After last night, he should be aware that I meant it when I said I could jump over him anytime. If he had stayed uncovered right beside me when I woke up, maybe I wouldn’t have been able to leave.

Nor that I felt any more ready to do so, honestly.

“You have a bit of leeway if you want to have breakfast,” he said, sounding sad too. “I can cook you something if you are hungry.”

“I’m not,” I breathed out.

He looked down for a moment. “In that case, I’ll wait for you outside. I’ve brought you something to wear. It’s on the table.”

I nodded and he stood up, getting out of the room. I stayed there for a moment, laying down, glancing at the vivid fire, until I found the strength to slip out of the blanket. I put on the clothes he had given me and I looked around the study before getting out. It would never look the same to me, so tinted with sweet memories as it was now. Every part of the Gallery seemed to have our story engraved, just as it was engraved in us. Wherever I had to go, that place lived within me, as he did. And I found very difficult to walk away from them every time.

V was waiting for me in the living room, near the Wurlitzer, standing right by the suitcase I had prepared with the things I would need in my hideout.

“Ready?” He asked in a low voice.

“Barely.”

He sighed and grabbed the suitcase by the handle, carrying it. I followed him out of the Gallery and I made a huge effort to not turn around to look at it. Once out, he gave me his now gloved hand and I took it, hating to lack of feeling of his skin on mine.

We walked through the tunnels and the rails, in silence, just surrounded by the echo of our steps. When we arrived at the platform that led to the deserted plot, my heart was hammering with sorrow and the unavoidable feeling that my legs wouldn’t obey my duty.

He helped me get up and left the suitcase down. In the silence of the platform, just illuminated by the faint light of the torch he had in his hand, we looked at each other.

We moved at the same time, capturing the other in a desperate hug. V was shaking, breathing irregularly, and held me as tight as the physics of our bodies let him. I hold myself onto his back, pressing my face against his neck, clenching my teeth, an attempt to keep my tears restrained.

Suddenly, we were left in the dark, the torch turned off. He pulled back and I felt how he removed his mask, leaving it on the top of the suitcase. His hands took my face between them, pulling me to his eager lips. I whimpered, pressing myself more against him, opening my mouth, inviting him to kiss me deeper. With the desperation he showed, devouring my lips as if we had a lifetime apart ahead, I couldn’t contain the tears anymore and I let them fall freely.

V pulled away then, roughly, gasping. “Evey… Please, don’t cry,” he asked, even so, he sounded as he was about to do so too.

“I’ll cry if I want to,” I answered back, biting my lip in the dark. “Just… Promise me you will be safe.”

“I promise I will,” he assured me, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. “Once the month is over, I will be whole and undamaged. You know, the only thing that can really hurt me is that something happens to you.”

“Don’t worry. Bel will be taking care that I don’t run away at the slightest,” I huffed.

He sniggered sadly. “I’m counting on that.”

I held back a whimper, sniffling and searching for his mouth again. When he pulled away again, proving that he was stronger than me in that regard, I knew it was time. He put on his mask and then the torch turned on again. V sighed, drying my tears with one of his fingers and I breathed in, grabbing the suitcase and lifting it. I hugged him again, sinking my face on his chest, trying to memorize the best I could how he felt on my arms, and then I freed him.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too, my Evey. Now, go.”

Swallowing all the pain and the hesitation, I turned around, taking my own torch of my pocket, and walked away from him, reaching the upper world. Under the sky of the dying night, still dark, Bel was waiting for me, on the plot. She received me with a hug right away, understanding the reason for my puffy eyes.

“This month will be over before you can realize, you’ll see,” she assured me and I nodded. “Let’s hurry. Come on.”

We got out of there, getting inside a van and driving away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! <3
> 
> I've made it! I've got to finish this before the year ends and I think it's a good way to do so. This scene before the fireplace was one I had very clear when I started this fic and I'm really happy to have it written at last. I hope you've enjoyed it <3
> 
> I don't know when I'll have the next chapter. It might take longer to be ready, so I have to study for my uni finals and I won't be totally free for a few weeks.
> 
> Meanwhile, thank you for the kudos and the hits! It's so appreciated! <3
> 
> See you soon! xx


	13. Out of sight, out of mind, out of time to decide

The White Meadow was far away from every road and village, almost one hour from London, placed in the middle of what could be considered as a bucolic mirage. In the middle of a sea of wild grass that sparkled brightly when a sunny day caressed it, making it seem a land of emeralds, there was a modest country house. It was made of pallid stone and wooden roof and had a porch that welcomed you into its cosiness.

The place belonged to Bel’s mother; it had been a gift for her when she reached the legal age. However, when she died, his father hid it from her and it wasn’t until Jeremy and Bel removed the papers of the family to tamper them that they found the deed of the White Meadow. The place where it was built had been in the family of her mother for generations and didn’t exist in the eyes of the legality. When the shelters were established, Bel decided to turn that place into a safe point in case something happened and, luckily, she opted to keep it a secret, just shared with Maria and me, aside from Jeremy.

Arrive to where it was wasn’t easy. First, we had to drive to the nearest village. Once there, we left the van parked in the outskirts, taking a quad out of its rear part, and tied the suitcases behind it. We had to drive almost fifteen minutes more until the house was visible in the distance.

Inside, everything was cold and dusty, but not too bad. We spent almost all our first day there cleaning and setting everything up so it was habitable. The house was bigger than it seemed from the outside and there was a lot of rooms on the upper floor that we opted to keep closed and ignore that had to be cleaned up. We just took care of our new bedrooms and their respective bathrooms. Mine had a decent balcony with a perfect view of the surroundings, in which I placed a little table and two chairs for us to sit there if we felt like it. It was very luminous too, considering the sun faced my window practically all the time, and I had a king-size bed to feel more alone even.

After the first day of cleaning, we seemed to have landed on a parallel world.

We decided to use the tele just to see movies and shows that we had on DVD and cut the cable that gave it signal, so we couldn’t fall into the temptation to know what was happening at London. We didn’t know what V would do, but I knew him enough to suspect that, whatever it was, the media would talk trash about him and lie. It gave me anxiety to not have a clue of what was happening, but I had to trust he would be alright and fulfil his promise.

The only thing that helped us to keep track of time, kind of, was the calendar we had stuck to a wall in the kitchen, in which we crossed out every day that passed. When the Sixth of June arrived, we could return home.

Meanwhile, we spent time watching movies, reading, cooking, playing interminable hands of cards or talking, sitting at the porch’s swing chair, looking at the bright stars or the wind moving the grass.

Some days, when the night fell, we made our way to the nearest village, which had barely two hundred citizens, to steal supplies and even a few books from the little library. In one of those stealing missions, I found a few medical books about the brain functions and I decided to investigate how amnesia worked. I had never wondered much about how V had been before being V because that always had been enough. However, I felt the sudden curiosity of what had changed in him and if something from the person that existed before V could remain after losing all memory. Maybe I had started to wonder because I had too much time to think now, but a little bit of knowledge couldn’t be harmful.

And, somehow, I got to survive almost the whole month without dying of missing him and worry about what was happening in London. A couple of nights before the Sixth, Bel and I were on the porch, looking at the stars, with a cup of cold tea between our hands, enjoying the time we had left of that retirement.

“Have you thought what you want to do when this is over?” Bel asked me, after talking a while of things she had done with Jeremy during their adolescences.

I had to give it a thought, sipping my tea and admiring the stars. “No,” I admitted, “I haven’t. But, honestly, I have more now than I expected to have two years ago. I was alone then and now I have a family. I think that’s enough for me.”

“Well, I think you have to dare to dream a little,” she said.

I smiled at her, giving Bel an inquiry glance. “Like what?”

“Like… A house,” she stated firmly. “Or a flat. A huge, bright flat, that smells like lavender and freshly made food and tea, with large windows that let the breeze in and make the sheer curtains flutter. And waking up every morning with the sun on your face and falling asleep every night with your sweetheart by your side, after a hard day of your honest and humanitarian job. And maybe, if your ovaries want, two little feet will enter in your room in the middle of the night and a little creature will call for you and tell you they’ve had a nightmare.”

I burst in laughter, shaking my head. “That’s very specific, don’t you think?” I said, “It seems like that’s what you want.”

“Me? No!” She denied, shaking her. “When this revolution ends, I’ll turn into a light spirit and ascend to heaven, and every square of this damn country will have an equestrian statue of me. That’s my goal for doing all this, haven’t I told you? Freedom? Bah. That’s overrated.”

Letting out a snort, rolling my eyes, I gazed down at my cup of tea, seeing my turbid reflection, slightly illuminated by the moon.

“The only thing I dream for when this is over is to have been able to preserve those who I love,” I said, looking at her again. “Whatever it comes after will be just an addition.”

“Yeah, right. We all want that. But… Don’t you want something more?” She arched a brow. “There has to be something. Or you are intending to live hidden in that lair forever, even after everything is over?”

“That might be the only way I can live, yes,” I said, tilting my head, sighing. “To be honest, it’s not like I don’t want things for my future. Call me a conformist in that sense, if you want. But I feel I can’t give much thought to something that might be years away from now. We don’t know when this will be over and, when it is, I’ll see what to do. V is complicated and I don’t think the traditional type of life is possible for him. We have a lot of things to figure out still and I’m content to do it as they come.”

“I think you two should aspire to live at the upper world,” she refuted, furrowing a bit. “The Shadow Gallery sounds like a pretty cool place, but, you know, Shadow…,” Bel remarked this last word, sipping her tea. “You deserve light in your lives, after suffering for years, just as we all do. He can give in to the man he is and reconstruct a life by your side. Drag him into the light, do him that favour. And give me nephews, for the love of God.”

I laughed at her words and turned my body around on the chair to looked at her, completely in disbelief. “This is your only objective with all of this. You don’t care about where we live or what we do. You just want to become an aunt!”

“Of course,” she huffed, as it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You can’t waste these genes you have. Combined with his, your children would be fucking superhumans. You two are stupid if you don’t create a little legacy of X-Men.”

“You’re such a dork...!” I laughed. “For real… The country is about to explode, we’re being hunted and the revolution seems far from ending… And we’ve done it once, after months of working on trust and confidence, so… Let me enjoy him a bit and end this damned path before starting another one. I don’t think that paternity is a concept he has ever thought about.”

“So, you want it!” She jumped in her place, turning her body to me and pointing me with an accusatory finger. “I knew there had to be something!”

“I haven’t said that,” I sighed, placing my hand over my forehead with desperation. “And, maybe he can’t. Have you considered that? He was exposed to very tough experiments. Who knows what that did to his body?”

“Fuck, that makes sense,” she looked down, furrowing. “But maybe he has superhuman sper…”

“Nope. Nope,” I cut her off, getting up. “Enough for today. Time to go to bed.”

I left the cup in the sink and made my way up to my bedroom, thinking about what Bel said. When I was in my bed, about to fall asleep, I asked myself if V had something in mind for us, if he had dreams for our future.

“Evey! Fuck! Wake up!”

I sat on the bed right away, startled for Bel’s voice and tried to open my eyes, that seemed to have their lids glued.

“What?” I gasped, looking at her through my blurry gaze and I opened it widely when I saw she had a shotgun between her hands. “Why do you…?”

“Somebody is approaching,” she warned me and ran away, going downstairs.

Pushing the sheets aside, with my heart on the throat, I followed her as fast as I could. I found her at the kitchen, crouched under the window, half of the barrel inserted under it. I looked over it, also couching down by her side, and saw in the distance which seemed a bike approaching through the field.

The bike continued directly towards the house and its rider stopped right before the porch. Bel loaded just when the stranger took off his black helmet, revealing a known face.

“It’s Jeremy,” I gasped, standing up.

“What the…?” Bel gasped, retiring the gun from the window.

We both went to open the door like a bullet, facing a startled Jeremy when we did, looking at him with genuine astonishment.

“What the actual fuck are you doing here?” Bel blurted out, the shotgun still on her hands.

Jeremy glancing at it, his pupils shrinking. “What are you doing with that?” He babbled, even if he knew the answer already.

“Well, shoot whoever’s ass that came near, obviously,” she said harshly. “Nobody knows about this place except for us and we weren’t expecting any visit.”

He sighed, taking his hand to cover his eyes, probably realizing that his cousin almost shot him, tiredness radiating from him.

“She’s right,” I said. “What are you doing here? There’s one day left still of retirement. Shouldn’t you be in Sweden?”

“I should, but V contacted me to return early. He had to give you two a message, but couldn’t risk that Maria disappeared.”

My breath hitched with fear. That couldn’t mean anything good. “A message?” I whispered.

He nodded, his eyes turning duller. “It’ll be better we sit and talk inside.”

Bel made tea and he sat on the two sofas that faced each other in the living room, Bel and I looking at Jeremy, in front of us, with an appearance of being too tired to be just because of a long trip.

“V has dismantled the shelter,” he said, in a hesitant voice, as expecting the reaction from his cousin.

“What?!” She screeched, almost getting up.

“We didn’t have a single mole, Bel,” Jeremy answered, sternly. “Half of the organization was.”

Bel froze by my side, tensing up, and I felt the oxygen had disappeared from the world. “Are you serious?” I muttered.

“Unfortunately, I am,” he sighed, looking down at his cup of tea. “We were trapped and didn’t even know it.”

I saw sideways that Bel was falling apart mentally, and realized she wouldn’t say anything for a while. At least, not until she processed that the project that she had started had been corrupted for so long and now was just dust carried by the wind.

“What has happened, Jeremy?” I said, feeling my mouth suddenly dry. “How’s this possible? And what about the shelter? What about the rebels?”

“The shelter is still there. Maria will be staying as its head for a while, for those who don’t have where to go or resources to live, but it isn’t our base anymore or works for the revolution per se.”

“But… I don’t understand how this has gone this way,” I muttered, trying to imagine who from those that stayed in our organization, even after the rebels splitting, were also traitors. 

Jeremy sighed, seeming utterly sad all of a sudden. “I don’t know much about how V’s plan has unfolded. What I know is that he revelled himself soon after we retired and everybody went totally crazy about it. I think he used all the confusion and excitement from the rebels as a way to catch those who were traitors inside our system and, well… Dispose them. Also, that drove him to discover that Nicole was part of the opposition cell too and that she played a whole strategy on us to weaken our shelters. V has taken care to expose and get rid of her as well and some of the ones that searched shelter on her have returned. After that, the opposition cell should’ve been very nervous, so they tried to detonate the rest of the bombs they had planned all at once, but one of the traitors sang about which were the exact places of the explosions. I guess it wasn’t hard for him to stop that.”

“How’s the situation now that the rebels know that and that V is alive?” I mumbled, feeling a rush of chill air from nowhere caressing my skin.

“Strange, but not much different from a month ago. Those who want to keep fighting are doing their own thing, even more convinced now that V’s around. They are organizing demonstrations by their own and meeting somewhere at night to talk and try to organize themselves now that we don’t,” he left his cup of tea on the little table by the sofa’s side and bent over, joining his hands in front of him. “Which is interesting is the smear campaign that White’s been doing since V came into the light and that he has moved out from London. As it seems, he mentioned our shelters in one of his meetings and the only way that he can know about them, out of the rebel circles as he is, is being in contact with the opposition cell or being part of it. That White and everybody in his party is from the Norsefire Youths is a well-known fact, at least for us, so it’s not surprising, but it’s a useful confirmation. And White knows he messed up there or that he is in danger if V makes that connection, so he has moved out somewhere unknown. And not only him… All the strong faces of New England have vanished. They seem afraid.”

“Of course, they are. The last time V faced their predecessors, their empire fell,” I said, breathing in. “They are the perfect connection to the core of the opposition cell, a clue strong enough to drive us to whoever who is pulling the strings. I don’t think it’s White. He seems like a puppet.”

“You’re in agreement with your boyfriend then,” Jeremy nodded, making me blush slightly at the mention of V like that, never heard before. “He has asked me to redirect my search and try to find something that drives me to them for a few days. A well-positioned inter or similar.”

“Which is the message?” Bel blurted out suddenly, waking up from her shock. “Why has he sent you here?”

Jeremy sighed, shifting a bit in his place and looking at his interlaced fingers for a moment longer that we clearly liked. “He wanted me to warn you both that it’s not safe to return to the public eye yet, which means that this retirement has to be prolonged. That doesn’t mean that we stop working; not at all. Also, V told me that the White Meadow should be our base from now on and work from here. Maria is arranging the last things to lend the shelter to one of her crew that is trust-worthy and turn it into something legal, so the rebels sheltered there don’t have problems in the future. Then, the plan is moving in here immediately, the four of us.”

“Wait,” I said, feeling a displeasing spark had ignited inside my head. “Four? Me too?”

He went a bit pale. “It’s not permanent,” Jeremy explained, pouring all his softness into his tone. “He said this would be more practical, that you stay here.”

“Practical?” I screeched, outraged.

I stood up, walking away from the sofas and standing before the living room’s window, glaring at the field and backing my hands on the small of my back. I let out a furious puff. I couldn’t believe he was doing that. He said the retirement would be a single month. And working apart is what wasn’t practical. I didn’t understand what was crossing his mind.

“He added that it’s more secure for you to stay away from him for a while. Now he’s out there visibly, the danger you are in for being who you are is higher.”

“That’s nothing new,” I muttered, mad, turning around to look at Jeremy. “I refuse to leave him alone for so long.”

“He said you would say that,” he pressed his lips on a thin line. “And asked me to drive you to London to spend a few days there, if you want to see him. I guess he’s not trying to make you mad, so he insistently begged me to tell you he’s open for discussion about this.”

I breathed in, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead, even more confused now. “Alright. Take me there.”

We waited until the wee hours of the morning to travel, to avoid being detected. It was around five when Jeremy dropped me near the deserted plot in London.

“Will you be alright?” He asked me, hesitantly, when I dismounted his bike, through the mics that connected our helmets.

“Yes. It’s right here, a minute away.”

“How are we going to know if you are coming back?”

I sighed, tilting my head, trying to think fast so we didn’t prologue that moment too much. “I’ll manage to return, if so. If not, we will figure out something and I’ll talk to Maria before she goes, so she can give you the information.”

“Alright. By the way,” he changed the subject and I felt the switch of tone in his voice, now more joyful. “With everything that has happened I haven’t had the chance to tell you… Aiden and I have decided to get married.”

I gasped. “What?” I screeched happily and approached to capture my friend in a huge hug. “When has this happened?”

He laughed, returning the hug and the backing away to look at me through the tinted screen of his helmet. “One night at Sweden. I took him with me, afraid that he might be in danger too. He proposed and we’ve decided to do it as soon as we can. We don’t know how or in which place, but we don’t want to wait any longer, considering the situation. I’ll figure out something, while he stays there. I’m not sure enough for him to return yet.”

“I’m sure you will find a way to return him safely. This wedding will happen,” I assured him firmly. “I’m so happy for you, my God…”

“Thank you, Evey,” he said with a bright smile, which barely could be seen through the screen. “Now go find him. V told me he would be waiting where he saw you off.”

I nodded and, after that, we said goodbye and I rushed to the deserted plot, my heart suddenly bumping against my chest rapidly and my legs running, not pushed by the danger, but by the eagerness to see him. At that very moment, I didn’t care about plans or plotting, forgetting my need to scold him. I just moved by the excitement of seeing him after a month.

I slipped behind the rusty door, took my helmet off, turning off the mic, and took my torch out of the pocket of my jacket. I walked downstairs so fast it wasn’t safe anymore, but I didn’t care. My mind was focused on arriving at the station. When I crossed the door before the last step, I searched for him right away. However, the platform was completely empty.

I let out a sigh of disappointment. Maybe we had arrived sooner than they had agreed. Before this, I approached the edge of the platform to jump off it, falling on the rails, making my way into the tunnels.

I walked among the silence, broken by my eager steps, hoping to be received by another light before me, sooner rather than later. And, eventually, it did.

A faint light made itself visible among the shadows when I took a curve inside the tunnels, making me aware of the presence of its holder.

“V?” I shouted happily.

“Evey?” His voice met me faintly, pure surprise ringing in its tone.

I started to run towards his direction and when I was about to reach him, my heart soaring in an outburst of happiness, my legs refused to stop. I collided against V, a hit that should have been painful if it wasn’t because him in my arms was a sensation so sweet it erased the rest. I puffed, encircling his neck tightly and burying my face on his shoulder, trembling of excitement when I felt his hard embrace around me, and how he was shaking too. I sensed his fast heartbeats against his ribcage as he let out a shuddering breath.

I heard the click that turned off his torch and, knowing what that meant, I did just the same. He pulled away gently, just a bit, and I sensed him rushing to untie his mask. Eagerly, one of his gloved hands slid under my hair, placing gently on my nape and pulling me to his lips. I moaned instantly, feeling his hot and shaking breath on my tongue, being attacked already by the addictive taste of his mouth. Enclosing V more in my arms, I sensed how a contained sensation burned between my teeth, a need of devouring him right there firing my insides.

When I broke the kiss, he kept his face against mine, pressing his forehead against mine, our noses touching. I felt how he was furrowing slightly, how his features contracted as he did, and the warm air of his gasping against my lips.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I whispered, feeling how it pained just to think about the long days that had to pass before that moment. “So, so much…”

“I’ve missed you too,” he responded, sounding as hurt as I did, his fingers slightly tightening in their grip. “I thought I’d shatter.”

I whimpered softly, pressing my lips against his again, welcomed with a gasp of delight and the same need I was conveying.

When we unglued our faces, our bodies stayed attached, our embrace tightening one around the other. We held each other for a couple of minutes, just relying on the sensation until he backed away to put on his mask and turn on the torch. At the moment the light returned, I squinted a little and gave him a smile, still rejoicing in the happiness to see him after one month.

“Have you been alright?” He asked, showing a concern that clearly had been around his mind since I left. “Any problem during the month?”

“Everything’s been totally fine,” I answered right away. “Have you been alright too?”

“You may call it that, I suppose,” V muttered, sighing. “I certainly felt half alive with you away.”

I furrowed sadly, hugging him without taking my eyes away from his. “Then why you want to keep me away more time?” I said, resentment spilling over my words.

His chest rose in a deep sigh and I sensed the uneasiness harbouring inside him. “You haven’t waited for even a moment, haven’t you?” He answered, a bit jokingly, but clearly sad.

“I need to know,” I stated, almost pouting. “You’ve done a great job these weeks; everything we haven’t been able for months. So… I don’t understand why I can’t be here. They don’t have another place, but I do, by your side.”

He took his hands to my face, caressing me with his thumbs, sighing. “This was the easiest part. What we have to endure now is complicated, and I do not wish to have you where they can get you.”

“I won’t go out,” I said. “I’ll stay at the Gallery, where I’m safe.”

“Even that is a risk.”

“Come on,” I puffed, sceptical. “They haven’t found it in twenty years. They won’t now.”

“There’s always a possibility,” he argued. “Eric Finch was in charge of the investigation to find me and you told me he was here that day, that he found the station in the end. If he did, somebody else logical enough can figure out the puzzle as well. And I prefer to suspect the worse.”

I clenched my teeth. “Even so,” I breathed out, suddenly nervous at the thought that the Gallery could be found, “if they found the door, they couldn’t get past that. If I don’t get out, I’m fine.”

“That door isn’t indestructible. It can be demolished with enough dynamite, and that amount would make all the place explode or crumble.”

I stared at him with hard eyes. “That just means you are just as much in danger as I am. Alright, maybe you have a high intolerance to death but… I can’t be quiet far away knowing all this. If you don’t come with me this time, I won’t go.”

“Evey…”

“No. ‘Evey’ no,” I cut him off. “Work with me, with us. That was the pact.”

“I will. I have, with Maria, all month. And Jeremy is doing his part now. I’m not doing this alone, just as I promised,” he took his hands off me as if he was a little offended. “What I can’t bear is thinking you could be damaged because of me.”

“Well, you better accept it right now, because there’s no way I won’t get hurt again, meanwhile this war lasts,” I protested. “You returned to help, not only to protect, so you can’t avoid everything that happens to me, individually.”

“No. You’re right,” he sighed, as if accepting that pained him. “What I want to avoid is the focalised fury that can fall on you now. They are on their nerves, more desperate than ever to capture me no matter how, and I won’t let you be the lure. The danger over you is worse than when you left. I’ve got enough information to be certain that this is what they are searching for: for you, just so they can extort me.”

I breathed in, feeling my chest tingling with impotence. He had been fearing for a while that that was their plan, but, for once, I had wished he was wrong in his suspicions. I had the one mistaken for hope such a thing.

“And what will we do when this is prolonged? Because it will,” I blurted out, putting up a fight anyway. “They will feel more threatened as the plan goes and try harder to get to you. What will be the solution then? Obliging me to move there permanently, while you’re here all alone. Sorry but… No way. If you can’t find the sense of moving with me to the White Meadow, I refuse to accept I can’t be here.”

“I find the sense in going there with you,” he refused, sounding desperate, “but it’s complicated to work from there.”

“It’s just as complicated as working separately. We’ll find the way,” I assured him, trying to convince him.

He let out a tired sigh, bending over a little, the mask lowering towards the floor. I glared at him while he was thinking, sensing how his body radiated pure reluctance. He knew I wouldn’t let it be and I wouldn’t, indeed. I had lost him too many times already to lose him another one.

“Not immediately,” he said, at last, looking up again. “Give me more time and I promise I will follow.”

I grunted a bit, displeased, crossing my arms over my chest. “How much?”

He thought about it for another long moment. “Two months, until the Elections.”

“No! Are you mental?” I screeched. “That’s too much. Two weeks, at most.”

V shifted. “A month.”

“A month if I spend two weeks here.”

“One week.”

“Ten days.”

V let out an exhale that was close to a grumble. “I have to let you know that you’re making me feel very conflicted right now obliging me to bargain with your safety.”

“Wha…?! And you are making me too!” I puffed, my head starting to burn due to frustration. “Ten days here and you’ll come in two weeks and a half.”

V sighed deeply, deflating almost completely. “Alright,” he gave in in the end.

I put my fists on my waist and let out a snarl. I wasn’t completely happy with that resolution but for now, it was better than nothing.

“Can we go home now, please?” I asked, tired and slightly mad.

He nodded and I took his arm, which startled him a bit, but didn’t back away. Instead, he followed my steps silently for a while.

It hadn’t been the most pleasing reunion, but I got ten days to be with him guaranteed, which was more than he had offered at first. I hoped to renegotiate that later on. Meanwhile, I just wanted to get inside the Gallery and enjoy his company after so many weeks.

When we crossed the door, I could help a sigh of relief and the feeling my body had relaxed immediately.

“Are you hungry?” He said, grabbing my jacket when I took it off.

“It’s too soon to have breakfast… But I would eat something, yes.”

He hung the jacket on the coat stand, giving his back to me. “What you fancy?”

I bit my tongue for a moment, about to say something definitely inappropriate. “A few toasts and tea will do.”

V made a single nod and walked towards the kitchen. I followed and stared at him as he began to move around the kitchen, feeling my heart soaring suddenly.

Bel’s words rang inside my ears then, echoing with a high volume. She asked me what I wanted to do when the war was over, what dreams I had… I didn’t know, not exactly, at least. But, in that very moment, looking at him at the kitchen, making breakfast, even if was an image I had so many times before… I had a feeling.

It was brief, not even long enough for me to decipher it. The only thing I sensed clearly was the feeling I would see him at some point, just like that, freer and happier, with a clarity that didn’t shine above him yet. And that was what I wanted. It didn’t matter if we were there, or at the White Meadow, or somewhere else, if the future was ours, and brighter.

Breakfast was ready in the blink of an eye and I ate in silence my toast with strawberry jam while he cleaned everything up, the reason why I had scolded him totally forgotten.

“What do you want to do now?” He said when I handed him the plate, after finishing. “Are you tired?”

“Not at all,” I answered, backing against the counter, by his side. “I slept almost all the day knowing we would travel at night. I’m as fresh as a daisy.”

“Then, it’s your choosing.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, staring at him. In the end, I opted to get out of the kitchen and wander around the living room meanwhile he finished, thinking. The weeks away from the Gallery weighted on my shoulders suddenly, making me realize how much I missed being home. The thought that one day that place could be blown into pieces, turned into rubble, was almost unbearable. However, if V was out of it and alright, if that day came, I wouldn’t mind losing it that much. I would enjoy it meanwhile it was there and we were too, a rule that I learned to take by heart since I met him.

I stopped my exploration right by the piano, caressing the wooden that formed its shiny surface, wondering for the first time if it was another piece of art he had placed for his visual delight or if he could play it for real. I approached its front side, opening the fall to pass my fingertips softly above the keys, trying to find a sign of use in them.

I saw him approaching sideways and I turned to look at him right away, pulling a brief smile.

“Can you play?” I asked, staring at him with interest.

He tilted his head a bit, delaying a second his response. “I can.”

“And how is that I’ve never heard you playing?”

“I’m sure you might have, at some point,” he answered.

I furrowed a bit, not knowing what he meant until I remembered. When we started living together due to destiny’s vicissitudes, there were times I heard classical music in the background while sleeping or being in my room. I always thought it was the Wurlitzer, so perfectly and softly played as it was, but I was wrong.

“Would you show me how you play?” I said, amazed, leaning over the surface of the piano and backing on it.

“If you wish.”

V sat on the bench a bit hesitantly and placed his hands over the keys. He looked at me, already feeling my heart rate soaring.

“Any petition?” he asked softly.

“Surprise me,” I answered backing my cheek on my hand, smiling.

His gaze dropped to the keys and stared at them for a long second before the first key was pulsed and his fingers started to weave a soft melody in the air. Breathless, I admired how he played perfectly, moving with that supreme grace that dyed every one of his actions, sensing the vibration of the instrument through my own body. V never ceased to surprise me. There was so much beauty inside him, so many surprises he concealed under the belief that he was a monster. But every new discovery I made about him made me realize how wrong that conceiving was and how mistaken. Nobody who was a monster to the core could be so helplessly beautiful inside and out. If we all became monsters for acting badly because of the hurt our past carried, there would be no one untouched.

I straightened up, approaching and standing behind him. Leaning over, I hugged him from the back and kissed his covered neck. He hissed softly and one note trembled under his hands, almost missed. When my hands rose to his chest, his breath hitched and he stopped abruptly, his mask turning a bit to look at me.

I sensed the intensity of his eyes growing, trespassing even the dark screens that hid them, and I felt drawn to him instantly. Pressing my lips against the mask’s ones, I sensed the need hitting me right away, fuelled by the lack of him I had carried those weeks. I heard him sighing and he pulled away softly.

“Wait,” he breathed out and took his hands under his wing.

Closing my eyes, understanding, I awaited, hearing the sound of the mask being left over the piano. He turned to me again, finding my eager lips, that at the very touch of his pressed harder against them. V groaned, his mouth slightly opening to receive my tongue, his chest vibrating, his body starting to tremble. Already lost in him, I got a bit carried away, biting his lower lip softly, taking a moan from his tenor voice that kicked me on the belly mercilessly, sending a strong shiver through my body.

My fingers found the neck of his shirt, starting to unbutton it as fast as my excitement and the dark let me, tracing a clumsy race over his trunk. His breath started to quicken as I freed him of that first layer, but didn’t stop kissing me, not even for a brief millisecond. He shrugged his shoulders when the last one was unbuttoned, letting me take it off completely, returning me to reality for a moment. I pulled back a few inches, panting, keeping my eyes closed.

“I want you, V… So bad,” I sighed, not being able to mask the desperation. “Do you want me too?”

He gasped roughly, pressing his forehead and nose against mine. “Always,” he remarked, a strong need resounding in his husky tone.

I clenched my jaw, shaken by a wave of shivers, sensing my legs weakening. “Then, take me to bed,” I pleaded.

V moved so fast I couldn’t even discern what he did. He stood up from the bench, grabbing the mask and taking me in his arms, my feet leaving the floor. I gasped, clinging onto his neck at the brief lack of gravity, his mouth finding mine once more in a desirous kiss.

When he started to walk and I felt every step like torture, not eased at all by his passionate lips or his body against mine. I had been haunted by the memory of him during all the month, finding myself not being able to breathe, consumed, desirous to feel him that near again. I knew when I saw him bare before me that, when he took my body, at last, I would be damned forever. And I was, and now I felt I couldn’t live without that anymore.

Eventually, he left me on the floor again and I didn’t hesitate not even for a moment, grabbing the edge of his compression shirt and pulling it up. I sensed him taking off his wig and leaving it on the mattress, right before raising his arms to allow me to free him from it. I cast it away, going right away for the zipper of his trousers. He wrestled at the same time, probably putting on his mask again, while I fought with the button at the edge of the zipper. When I unzipped it, he grabbed my hands and I yelped a bit at the touch, feeling through his skin the heat that was taking over his body.

“I need to see you… Can I open my eyes now?” I breathed out, feeling a bit ashamed of myself at how needy I sounded.

“Yes,” he confirmed breathlessly, light hesitation lingering in his tone.

I opened my eyes, welcoming the wonderful sight of his naked trunk before me. I came closer and almost placed my hands on his chest, but I stopped. I gazed up to him as if I could find a change of expression on the mask that reflected fear or unsureness at the near touch. He had to realize it, so his hands rose to mine, glueing them to his pectorals without hesitation. We both sighed and he freed my hands, giving my fingers absolute control of the touch. I passed my palms all over his trunk, going down slowly even when my need urged me to get faster, admiring how he reacted. I went over the edge of his trousers, stopping at the discovering of a bulge under the layers. V hissed softly and he backed away to take off his boots and cast away his trousers and socks too, standing before me just with his underwear.

I swallowed, feeling my heart beating so fast it was almost painful. We looked at each other in the slight silence that our ragged breathing left.

“I think it’s your turn to undress me,” I whispered, knowing that if I didn’t ask him, he wouldn’t. And I wanted him to do so.

V approached, grabbing my shirt and taking it off while radiating pure gentleness, contrasting wildly with how I had undressed him. I took care of my trousers and shoes and glanced directly to his covered eyes, waiting for his next move. His chest tightened, stopping at the vanishing of his breathing, and took his hands to my back, his fingers arriving at my bra’s clasp. He tried to unclasp it and after a few attempts, I couldn’t help laughing. V seemed flustered by how he hitched at my reaction.

“Happens all the time,” I said, smiling at him. “You had to face it at some point.”

I helped him to unclasp it and I let it fall to the floor, freeing my breasts to his gaze. Taking a shuddering breath, he took his hands there, cupping them gingerly. I sighed, the need roaring inside my chest, his so missed touch bringing a huge tingling to my lower belly. Returning my hands to his body, I grabbed the rubber of his pants and pushed them down, allowing them to fall to the floor too. He got out of them and then I pushed him towards the side of the bed behind him, obliging him to sit. I straddled him, placing my hands on his nape and kissing his neck, sighing at the soft warmness of his skin on my lips. I traced a way down his shoulder with kisses and bites, being answered with a series of unguarded moans. I felt I was starting to lose my mind all over again, drunk because of how strong the power of making him feel loved and desired was.

I lowered one of my hands through his body, not being able to wait anymore, taking his length between my fingers. V tensed up, uttering a deep grunt, his head slightly falling back when I teased with my thumb the tip, already moistened. Feeling the urgency to hear him more, I started to stroke him with soft movements, trying to build up the pace gradually. Even so, my body began to burn for him at great speed, making me feel I couldn’t control it, my head spinning at the confusion if I needed more to take him or that he took me. Every time he cried out under my touch I shivered, sensing both of the needs colliding, not knowing if I was weakening or becoming more eager on that position.

When he let out my name, I had an outburst and I stopped and grabbed his shoulders, pushing him down and driving him to lay on the bed. V, gasping, obliged without putting up resistance, not even a bit. He rested his head on the pillows and grabbed my hips, as I leaned over to be closer to his face. One of his hands found the edge on my knickers, his fingers hesitating. I sighed, half shutting my eyes, and prayed silently for him to go on. As if he had read the plea in my gaze, he drove his fingers to my folds, stroking me under the thin layer. I cried out, almost falling over his body, trembling at the movement of his warm hand. V gasped too at the feeling, even if not being the one touched, and I felt the eagerness in the way he was speeding up faster than usual. His hand went lower very soon, teasing my entrance for a moment and pushing two fingers inside me without any more contemplation. I pressed my forehead against the mask’s one and moaned loudly as he resumed his movement.

“You’re so unbelievably beautiful, Evey…” He whispered huskily, not stopping what he was doing to me as he spoke. “You can’t imagine how much I’ve dreamt of you… You bewitched me more than you had done before, even. I’m completely at your feet.”

I cried out, trembling, my arms failing me. That was all I needed to fall totally into madness. I grabbed his wrist, taking his hand away from me and driving my mouth to his body, kissing my way down to his hips. Placing myself between his legs, I took his length into my mouth. V shifted slightly under me, letting out a sharp cry, clearly containing his hips, holding onto the sheets and murmuring something that sounded a little like my name. I felt the heat of the blush attacking my face, raising and falling faster, taking him more boldly than the first time.

When I felt that he was slowly losing it, I got out from my position, standing up. V looked at me, panting roughly, laying over the mattress with the appearance of the most beautiful masterpiece in the whole world. I felt the desire going through the mask when I took out my knickers slowly, aware of how his breath hitched at the sight. I returned to him, hovering over his body, fixing my eyes on his. He grabbed my hips and I sighed, shivering. My breath was gone for a moment when I grabbed his length and I lowered my hips to take him inside me. We both moaned at the other when I grounded on his lap abruptly. V grabbed me harder, tensing under me, breathing raggedly. I needed a second, in which I closed my eyes hard, trying to get through the overwhelming feeling of having him again.

I started to sway my hips slowly, taking his hands to my breasts and holding them tightly, almost dancing to the sound of his pleasure. His head fell back as I started to move faster, sinking into the pillow, and his body arching slightly. His hands dropped to my thighs, gripping them hard like he was trying to hold onto something. V was so utterly beautiful like that, so open and unguarded… That I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. It drove me crazy. It was too easy for him to drive me crazy.

Leaning over, I started to buckle wildly against him, taking him in and out faster and harder.

“Oh my… God, Evey…” V cried out, barely forming the words right.

I grunted at his words, hiding my face on his neck, feeling my tights burning at the effort, but not wanting to stop. I breathed against his skin, sensing the roses in his scent, focusing on it, trying desperately to keep the pace, biting his neck when the feeling got too much.

I sensed the approach of his release in his voice and I tried to keep up even when my body was weakening at the feeling of him coming undone. Suddenly, his desperate hands splayed on my back, his fingers digging in my flesh, searching for something to hold onto. When V came, he rose his hips, knocking against mine, crying out desperately and throbbing inside me. I stayed there, against his neck, panting, moaning, delighted by the sensation of him. V hugged me tightly, pressing me against him as he slowly caught his breath.

I was coming at ease when, without expecting it, he rolled over, leaving me trapped under his body. Before I could react, he made more space for himself between my legs and pushed himself in again. I cried out, holding onto his back and trembling at the unexpected thrust and blushing, sensing he was fully hard still.

“Don’t you,” I gasped, feeling my cheeks furiously burning again, “need to rest?”

“No,” he whispered back, leaning over to place the mask’s forehead on mine. “I just need you.”

I whimpered, locking my eyes with his. “I’m all yours, then.”

V let out a broken sigh and started to move over me. I met him in every thrust with a moan, louder and louder as he collided faster, surrendering, losing all strength to put up a fight to the fact that I wanted to get lost in that moment. My head started to get dizzy and I had to close my eyes, my head falling back as he started to cry out again. I trapped his hips between my legs, enclosing him and pushing him down more to me. Dropping my hands, I searched for his, gripping them together for him to back on them.

It didn’t take long for him to come again. This time, he held tightly onto my hands and got to stay hovering over my body, trembling furiously, but not crumbling. When his body gave in, he fell by my side, gasping, weakened. I laid on my side, placing a hand on his chest, feeling the crazy beating of his heart. He took one of his to my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb, approaching until his head was against mine. I thought he would say something, but he stayed like that, still trying to breathe.

Our breathings got restored eventually and I moved closer, making him lay face up and resting my head on his chest. My fingers danced across his trunk, trancing the curves and lines of his muscles and I couldn’t help sighing, feeling how my body was completely relaxed, but my fire for him burned more brightly at every second that passed. He caressed my head, his fingers sinking into my curls as he did, brushing them over and over again.

“I don’t think this will ever stop,” I said softly, smiling.

“What?” he answered in a low voice dyed with confusion.

“The wanting you,” I whispered, splaying my hand over his abdominals and raising my head slightly to look at him. “I’ll never have enough of you. I’ll always need more.”

V sniggered, sounding slightly embarrassed, and cupped my cheek with his free hand, caressing me tenderly. “Have all you please, my love. I won’t ever deny you.”

I smiled slyly. “You have to want it too, you know?” I muttered.

“Is that it seems the opposite?” He murmured with a husky voice that reverberated inside me, as he lowered the hand in my hair through my neck and started to pass his fingertips by my side.

“I don’t know,” I teased him, sighing at his touch. “Maybe you don’t need it much, being this stoic warrior that you are.”

He puffed at the naming and I smiled more, adoring how that new happiness between us sparkled on my chest.

“I didn’t. Not until you,” he answered with a smile in his tone, and he breathed out, approaching our faces until the lips of the mask were almost on mine. “Now, I think I’m more of a man than I previously did,” he whispered sensually, “constantly… Desperately burning for you.”

He kissed me through the mask and I felt my mind clouding with his newly discovered tone and his touch, holding me closer to his body. However, when he pulled back, his first words hit me. I had been joking around, but I had seemed to hit the nail on the head.

“Didn’t you feel needy, for real?” I asked softly, furrowing.

V sighed, tracing the line of my cheekbone with his thumb before answering. “No. I told you. There was only revenge I could feel. Nothing else. Everything was,” he made a pause, thinking, “fire red. I wasn’t really living, you might say; just filling time before the last act. I could feel other emotions, indeed, but I’ve come to realize there was a certain dullness in them as if they were grey. It wasn’t until I met you that I started to see all the colours, to sense my feelings finally unlocked. And, slowly, I realized that under this prison there was a man still, showing more frequently as you pulled him out until there was more of him than of the being that I thought I was, the persona.”

I always felt speechless after being sprayed with his sweet words and my heart tingled with emotiveness. V moved to lay on his side and encircle me with his arm completely, glueing our bodies together. I ran out of air suddenly, at the hot feeling of his skin against mine.

“You are everything, Evey. All I have, all I’ve become, is because you’ve happened to exist at the same time as I am. For some reason, Fortune decided to cross our paths, and I’ll be forever grateful for that because the reason I’m living, at last, is the love you give me.”

I felt the floodgates slowly opening at every word he uttered and when he let out this last sentence, they opened completely, in an abrupt way. My eyes filled with tears and jumped off them before I could do something about it. I sensed his shock at the unexpected sight after his confession and I hid a bit, turning my face down as if that could do much about it.

“Evey,” he gasped, worried and confused.

I covered my eyes for a second with my palms, drying the incipient tears and sniffling a bit. After a few seconds in which I tried to control my feelings, I uncovered myself, looking at him and laughing with embarrassment.

“What you expected? Saying things like that…” I muttered, dropping my gaze to his chest, avoiding his eyes.

“Not this,” V whispered, deeply concerned.

I sniffled again, curling against him and hiding on his neck and hugging him tightly. “I love you, V… So much,” I sighed, closing my eyes at his warmth.

“I love you too,” he answered, the worry still lingering in his words.

We rested there for a while, just holding each other, breathing in the feeling of closeness. Eventually, I started to feel sticky and needing a shower immediately. However, I didn’t want to get my hands off him so soon. A juicy idea popped up in my mind while I battled in my mind with the idea of leaving the bed.

“I think I need a shower,” I said, pulling away and looking at him. “Would you come with me?”

He gazed at me, totally silent, for a long instant. “But, Evey…” He started, although didn’t dare to continue. Taking off the mask and letting me see wasn’t something he could do yet.

“I know,” I cut him off before he could refuse. “I’ll close my eyes and you’ll help me so I won’t fall.”

“That doesn’t seem very safe,” he argued.

“Come on,” I pleaded. “It’s not such a big deal. It’ll be fun, I promise. I just don’t want to get dressed yet.”

V seemed to relax a bit at my plea, laughing softly at my insinuation. “I can’t comprehend how this vision is appealing to you.”

I smiled fondly and grabbed his hand, obliging him to follow me. “Because maybe I have a better perspective than you, after all.”

He woke up, standing before me, magnificent as he was. I bit my lip, containing the need to look down at his body again, keeping my eyes locked with his.

“A flower, a painting and a building… The three of them can be beautiful things too watch but have nothing in common. Just because your skin doesn’t look like most, it doesn’t mean you’re less beautiful.”

“It’s not just that,” he said, downcast, and I knew he was talking about his face.

“I’m pretty confident that you think it’s worse than it is. You thought that about your body and here we are, no?”

He looked down. “Even so, it’s not pleasing to contemplate.”

“And you’re too hard on yourself,” I muttered, sighing, knowing there was no way to make him change his mind. “Come on, let’s go for that shower.”

I took him to the bathroom, turning on the warm water and checking that the temperature was right. I got inside the shower and turned towards him, giving him a little smile, before closing my eyes.

I heard him sighing and taking everything off, leaving it next to the sink. Soon after, his hands grabbed my forearms and I grabbed his, walking backwards until we reached the jet. I let the water fall over my hair and I had to dry it off my face a bit with my fingers, squinting with my eyes already closed and uttering a soft laugh at the thought of how ridiculous I had to look at that very moment. When I sensed my hair completely soaked, I tried to reach the shampoo, but I just found the coldness of the tiles.

V moved, grabbing the bottle and giving it to me. I smiled at the idea that had just crossed my mind, holding his hand instead of the bottle.

“I might need help for that too,” I whispered. It wasn’t totally true, but I wanted to know how it would feel V cleaning my hair.

He breathed out softly and I sensed how he put some shampoo on his hand before leaving the bottle on its place again. Then, he rose his hands to my hair, splaying it over the top of my head, his fingertips sinking under my curls right away, massaging my scalp with supreme gentleness. His hesitation about what he was doing was radiating through his movements, arriving at me and making me smile.

“What?” He muttered, unsure. “I’m not doing it right?”

“No. You are. It’s just… Very nice,” I admitted happily.

At this confirmation, he went on, extending it to the tips, holding my curls in his palms and caressing them more than shampooing them at that point.

“Your hair is so long, so dark when wet,” he stated in a whispering voice, sounding marvelled.

“I guess,” I shrugged my shoulders, grinning with a bit of shyness.

Tilting my head backwards, I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, feeling the weight of his gaze on me as I did, making my belly tingle. Inside, I wished so hard to open my eyes and see him. Losing the opportunity to see his body caressed by shiny watery pearls, tracing ways as they fell, was a real shame, a vision I wanted in my mind desperately. However, I knew waiting for him was worth it, always. My instincts told me we would have many more of those moments; I just had to be patient.

“Can you pass me the shower gel and the sponge, please?” I asked.

V helped me to put shower gel on the sponge and, when he backed away to give me space, I caught his arm, pulling him closer again. Smiling slyly, I placed the sponge on his chest, starting to pass it over his skin, as delicately as I could. He gasped softly, tensing a bit as I cleaned his trunk.

“This is definitely not necessary,” he said, his words shaking in his tongue.

I closed the distance that was left between us, glueing our bodies together, sensing his hard length on my belly. V grunted a little, growing tense. “Do you want me to stop?” I muttered, passing the sponge by his side to his back.

“No,” he admitted eventually in a low voice.

I resumed the soaping, at the same time my other hand captured his hip and travelled to the small of his back, pressing him more against me. Nonetheless, the sponge didn’t last much longer on my hand, so he took it away from me and backed away. I furrowed in confusion when I sensed him grabbing something, and gasped in surprise when he put the sponge over my shoulder.

“It’s fair to return the favour,” V whispered huskily near my ear, giving me a strong shiver.

“I wasn’t finished,” I pouted a bit, but my protest trembled as he started to pass the sponge over my breasts.

He traced soft circles over my belly, making my breathing quicken and my heartbeats get out of control. I let him do, trying with all of me to stay as quiet as I could. V soaped up all my body, even kneeling down to reach my legs, absolutely destroying my nerves. When he got up, I felt I couldn’t move any muscle without falling. I grabbed onto his biceps, pulling him under the jet. Landing my hands on his chest, I caressed him, going down by his trunk and trapping him in a hug. With him in my arms, sensing how his heart beat rapidly for me and his body warmed against mine, I knew I couldn’t feel more fortunate. There was a peace at that moment that couldn’t be anything but a heavenly sensation.

I put a soft kiss over his chest, taking a sharp inhale from him, and rose my head. His hands grabbed my face tightly and pulled me to a fierce kiss. I melted instantly, parting my lips for him to kiss me deeper, hit into madness by the hotness of his breath. I held onto his shoulders, pulling him closer, caressing his tongue with mine, making him moan softly and capturing my lips with more hardness as a payback. When he backed away, his hands relaxed slightly on my face, caressing me with his thumbs, as his irregular breathing collided against my wet face.

“Maybe I died that day, in the end,” he murmured, almost to himself. “Nothing can be so close to Heaven as this is.”

Those words hit me on the stomach, and not in a pleasing way. Suddenly attacked by a bitter sensation, I pulled him to me again, making his lips catch mine once more. He obliged without hesitation, probably unaware that he had touched a delicate matter I was trying to swallow down with the sweetness of his kisses.

He pressed his forehead against mine when the kiss broke and I sighed, sensing how different it was without the fringe of the wig disturbing.

“What if we have a bath too?” I said, trying to keep my thoughts controlled.

V laughed softly, shaking his head a bit. “I’ll prepare it. Stay here.”

I suppressed a sigh of relief when he got out of the shower, giving me a minute to collect myself. I turned around, staying under the jet, opening my eyes for a while, even if I could look only at the tiles before me.

I thought I was coping better with what happened after those months, but that simple and innocent sentence made me realize I wasn’t. He was here and seemed more content than before. However, we never had talked about the strong desire to die he had when we met. Now, he was under the promise he made me, which didn’t exclude the possibility that he felt that way still. Just thinking about it made my legs shaky and my lungs feel oppressed.

Soon, he returned to me, grabbing my hips gently, and I closed my eyes right away. “It’s ready,” V murmured.

Turning around, I grabbed his hand and let him carry me to the tub. “You have to go in first,” I said.

“Why?” He asked, lost.

I tried to crack a convincing smile. “Trust me.”

Hesitant, he obliged and I heard the water moving as he sat inside it. I extended my hand for him to grab it and I touched the edge of the tub with the other. I put one foot inside, trying not to step on his legs and he held me harder when I proceeded to do the same with the other. I sat slowly between his legs, resting my back against his trunk, backing my head on his shoulder. V breathed out when our bodies touched and I felt the tension appearing again on his muscles.

“Am I too heavy?” I asked.

“Not at all,” V said, the surprise of that position dyeing his tone.

I relaxed against him, as much as the feeling of his hard muscles against my back and my rollercoaster thoughts let me. V took his hand to my face, passing the back of his fingers by its side, caressing me tenderly.

“I think you can open your eyes if you want,” he whispered.

A bit hesitantly, I did, facing the image of my legs trapped against his, our knees barely breaking the surface of the water. I took one of my hands to his knee, tracing a line under the water to his thigh.

“V?”

“Yes?”

I made a pause, not knowing if I was ready for another answer that wasn’t the one that I wanted to hear. If he still felt the desire to die, even after everything that had happened, that wouldn’t change, no matter what I did from now on. However, I needed to know.

“You,” I started, feeling my voice breaking already, “don’t want to die now, no?”

The motion of his hand on my face stilled and I sensed his heart accelerating against my back. “What has brought this question?” V asked, genuinely surprised, although not pleased.

“What you’ve just said. That maybe you died,” I sighed sorrowful. “I thought I dealt better with the memory of that Fifth, but I think I’m far from it.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered regretfully, “I wasn’t intending to awake any displeasing memory.”

“I know. But the tiniest thing can awake it,” I explained, not being able to help the bit of guilt I felt for not getting over it. “Just… Answer me.”

“I don’t,” V answered without hesitation. “I don’t want to die anymore.”

That released some tension in my brain, but it wasn’t enough. “Truly? Or because you promised me you wouldn’t risk yourself?”

“Truly,” he breathed out, pressing a kiss against my wet hair. “I want to live all the time I am allowed of your company, every new thing you gift me. Besides, I would never leave you behind again.”

I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment and backing more against him, sensing all the tension fleeing from my body suddenly. He lowered his arms, hugging me with tenderness, comforting.

We stayed like this, covered by the warm water, with him holding me and I caressing his forearms. I could feel his heart beating against my back and the deepness of his breathing as his chest rose and fell, sinking into the calmness of that moment, the simplicity that harboured.

It didn’t seem, being immersed in that peace, that devilish shadows were lurking into the unknown out there, planning to raise at any moment. However, I didn’t want to think about that, just about us. And that made me remember the conversation I had with Bel the day before, triggering my curiosity again.

“Can I ask you something?” I said.

“You know you do,” he answered softly.

“When this war ends,” I started, hesitating a bit for throwing at him the same question Bel asked me, “have you thought what you want to do?”

He kept quiet for a second, and I couldn’t discern if he was thinking or was surprised. “I know I want to be with you,” V opted to say. “But I’m afraid I don’t have anything in mind. This was something I didn’t even dare to imagine that could happen and I’m completely inexperienced in that regard, so I suspect I should trust your pace, as I’ve been doing until now.”

“We both have to agree with whatever we do together,” I repeated. “I don’t like the idea of you following me just because.”

“Alright. Tell me what you want then,” he said and his joyful tone relieved me. If we had had that very conversation a couple of months ago, his mind would have spun towards the opposite direction. He would have felt unsure, I was certain.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, sighing. “I was just curious if you had something in mind. Bel asked me if we had plans and I don’t, but I thought that maybe you did. She’s been too unoccupied and needed some gossip, I guess. She’s delirious when she has nothing to do.”

V chuckled, pressing another kiss on the top of my head. “For your tone, it seems to have been tiring.”

“Crazy,” I corrected. “She said we should find a place like a flat or something, and live as if we were the most normal couple in the world.”

He made a pause, raising one of his hands to my hair again. “You want that?”

I almost turned to him at that question, moved by pure astonishment, but I stopped myself. “Do you?”

“I don’t know how we could manage that,” he admitted, “but I would try.”

I furrowed, feeling my brain setting on fire suddenly at what something like that would mean. “But… Think about it, for real. About what that implies. We would have to leave the Gallery,” I started to ramble. “And that without considering you are a man completely out of the system. Living up means adapting to how things work there and that might be a bit against your ways. I guess our home life would be the same, but… London would be too complicated. The only way is moving to a place like the White Meadow. That or,” I furrowed for myself, thinking, “getting back your identity.”

Suddenly, I remembered that Delia’s diary had a few pages missing and I wondered if he had been the one to tear them off.

V didn’t respond to that possibility, but his heart accelerating did for him, which reinforced my belief that he made those pages disappear.

“Do you know who you were?” I asked, a bit scared to ask. “Was that what was written in the missing pages of Delia’s Diary?”

“I don’t know who I was,” he answered in a low voice. “And no.”

“But… Did you tear them off?”

“Yes. There was too much information about the hormones she used. I wanted to avoid any replica of what was done at Larkhill, so I destroyed them before leaving it for Detective Finch to find.”

“And… Have you ever tried to know where you come from?” I murmured. “Have you wondered?”

“No. My origin was at Larkhill and I always saw it like that. This body had another beginning, somewhere in the past, true; but it’s not me. Trying to find who harboured it was and is useless. The person that got into that camp isn’t the one that got out. Finding who I was won’t serve in any sense to the person I am.”

“But what if…?” I vacillated for a second, feeling a flame in my mind, “What if there was somebody out there that was waiting for you? Maybe you had a family: parents, siblings… Maybe even more.”

“I hadn’t,” he answered, sounding slightly stern. “I’m sure.”

“Why?”

He shifted a little, uncomfortable, and made ring an alarm of curiosity in my head.

“It doesn’t matter,” he sighed. “Just don’t be concerned about that. I am what I am, and that person was who he was, but connecting both it’s not a good idea.”

“But… When you have amnesia, memory can be the only thing affected. Behaviour and personality can be the same, even if there aren’t memories that shaped you.”

“Have you been investigating?”

I pressed my lips on a thin line. “Maybe a little,” I tilted my head to a side, guilty. “What I say is… You wouldn’t have to adapt your past life again, but… If there’s somebody out there that remembers who you were, I think it would be better for them to think you alive, amnesiac and different than dead in a concentration camp.”

V sighed. “I’m honestly not interested in knowing, my love,” he said softly as if he didn’t want to offend me. “There has to be another option.”

“I guess… Creating a fake identity it’s not difficult,” I muttered, understanding. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to sound pushy. We can try that if you prefer.”

“It’s alright you have curiosity,” he said, interlacing one hand with mine. “I don’t blame you for it. But you know me better than myself. There’s nothing to find in the past.”

“That’s not true. I didn’t know you could play the piano. I don’t know many things about you. And I don’t think a single life is enough to know everything.”

“That you don’t know everything I can do it’s not that you don’t know me. You do. I feel you can see through me, sometimes.”

I sat straight, turning around with my eyes closed and smiling playfully. “You mean like this?” I joked.

He laughed genuinely, destabilizing me. It was rare to hear him laughing openly and I felt I hadn’t heard him since the night we met, on the top of that building, seeing the Old Bailey explode.

“I wouldn’t fool you, even with your eyes closed,” he said, sounding utterly happy.

“Of course, you can’t,” I answered, confident. “I’ve turned into in an expert in reading you without seeing your expression. You’re going to be screwed when you take off the mask if you want to hide something from me. I will see it right away.”

“That’s not very encouraging,” he sniggered. “I have enough battling with this cubic aspect to fear your scanning.”

“Again with that!” I grunted, tilting my head backwards for a moment. “You’re really stubborn. You should be the one with your eyes closed if you can’t appreciate yourself.”

“I’m content enough with the fact that you do, even if I can’t comprehend.”

I puffed, searching him blindly, with the intention to hold onto his shoulders. Moving clumsily, I kneeled in the tub, trapping him between my legs. I tilted my head down, hoping it was just aligned with his, as if I was looking at him through my lids.

“I’ll love you until you do, just so you know,” I warned him.

He grabbed my hips, making me gasp softly at his tight grip. “I won’t object to that,” he whispered, throwing that sensual tone at me again.

His hands travelled up by my back, caressing my arms until he reached my hands. He took them out his shoulders and I sat over his legs, finding security. He caressed them with his thumbs with supreme softness, holding them as if he was holding a delicate piece of ceramic.

“Maybe I can’t offer a record of life to satiate your curiosity, but I have an alternative, if you want. It might help me find some strength, as well.”

“What you mean?”

V made a pause and I felt the caress of his gaze on my features. “Would you like to touch my face?” He questioned me in a whisper.

“Are you sure?” I blurted out, surprised.

“Yes, if you are. It doesn’t awake so much panic since you’ve reacted well to the rest of me, but I’m still reluctant to how it looks. If you feel it, it’s something… It won’t be so hard to show it to you if it’s not a whole surprise.”

“I am sure,” I stated, feeling the wave of excitement raising inside me.

“Then you have absolute freedom,” he muttered and loosened the grip on my hands, releasing them.

I took a deep breath, feeling my palms burning suddenly. Little by little would be the best. I put them on his chest and rose slowly to his neck. He was hardly breathing when my thumbs found his jawline, but I sensed his crazy pulse through his neck. I traced it softly, sensing the light roughness of his skin there, similar to the rest of his body. He had a strong jawline, definitely, but my touch wasn’t fine enough to discern the exact shape. I rose my hands a little, unsure, cupping his cheeks. He gasped, too roughly to be a good sign, and I backed away at the very moment, but he captured my wrists, returning my hands to his face.

“Don’t pull away,” he muttered, his voice deeper. “It’s just new, not unpleasing.”

I felt I was starting to tremble, ever so slightly, at the feeling of the muscles of his face moving as he talked, somehow making so real what was happening. I knew nothing about his expressiveness and I was melting to know every trace of his features.

“Alright,” I vacillated.

After a moment to recover, I proceeded with my exploration, approaching my touch to his lips, caressing them with a thumb. The lines of them seemed a bit confused with the rest of his flesh, but I recognized the texture on my fingertips, still soft enough, and it made me shiver. He hissed too, pressing a kiss on my palm before letting go of my wrists again. I continued by his nose and I felt him tensing under me as I discovered that it was a little rough on the wings, as if the fire had made it a bit irregular. However, the shape was there still, round and with a soft septum. His cheekbones where kind of sharp and his ears were eaten away on the edges worse than his nose, but was left enough of them to seem what they were. I hesitated a bit to proceed to caress his head, although I dared in the end. As I thought, there was hair nowhere, follicles absolutely destroyed, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t found eyebrows.

I left his eyes for the last, tracing first the edge of his eyeballs. I felt him closing his lids and I lowered my thumbs to them. I almost gasped in surprise to find how extremely soft his lids were in comparison to the rest of his skin.

When I had explored his whole face, I stilled my palms, cupping it, caressing his cheekbones repeatedly, gently, feeling how the flesh trembled slightly as he blinked. I felt his nervousness raising as he seemed to wait for me to say something. I was trying to process the moment still, but I didn’t want for him to feel anxious, so I decided to calm him down.

“I knew it was alright,” I said with all of my honesty. “In fact, you seem to be very attractive.”

He let out a puff, that sounded between incredulity and amusement. “You’re unbelievable.”

“No. It’s just that you always expect the worse, when it’s not such a big deal.”

V sighed and seemed to relax a bit under my touch. I explored a bit more, more discretely, trying to make a mental image of how he looked by what I could touch.

“Which is the colour of your eyes?” I asked, hopeful that he would answer. I had been wondering for long which was.

“Which do you think it is?” He asked, sounding a bit playful again.

“Are you making me guess it?” I smiled.

“I’m curious about your answer,” he just said and I felt him smiling a bit.

My heart exploded at that and I felt the blush attacking to my cheeks at the very instant. It was stupid to be surprised at that but… I realized how many times I had been unaware of him smiling under his mask, how beautiful that sight had to be.

“Brown,” I managed to say, remembering he had asked me a question.

“Why?” He sniggered.

“Because…” I tilted my head, thinking. “It’s warm, and deep… Like you.”

His breath hitched and I felt his smile fading at the same time his features started to burn. I couldn’t see it, but that seemed the reaction of blushing. I tried to take a deep breath, feeling my head dizzy at those stimulations.

“I’m sorry to say it but… You’ve guessed wrong,” he answered, barely.

“Really?” I pressed my lips on a thin line. “Hazel?”

“No.”

“Black.”

“No.”

“Come on,” I breathed out. “Green?”

“Closer.”

I gasped. “Blue!”

His smile appeared again at that word and I felt I was about to melt right there. “A bit greyish, but yes.”

I grunted, placing myself closer to his body and he encircled my waist with his arms.

“Disappointed?” He murmured softly, close to my lips.

“Not at all. Now I want to see them very badly,” I sighed, attached to that information already.

“Soon, I promise,” he whispered, using that husky tone that killed my resilience.

I pulled him to my lips, kissing him with all the hunger that those new discoveries had awoken. I searched for his tongue right away, making him moan and press himself closer to my face. He started to get hard again between us and I felt I needed him right then once more or I would die.

“Let’s get out of here,” I urged him, backing away just a couple of inches from the kiss.

“Alright,” he whispered roughly.

We managed to get out without slipping and I sensed him about to reach his mask, but I grabbed his arm, stopping him. “No,” I uttered. “Don’t put it on.”

“But…” He hesitated, but didn’t have the opportunity to talk more.

I reached his face again, cupping his cheeks and sinking him into another kiss. He grabbed my hips, returning it without hesitation, and pressed our bodies together.

“I want you whole. Now,” I gasped, desperate. “I don’t mind if I can’t look. I just… Want to kiss you.”

He grunted softly, kissing me again, just as desperate. Suddenly, I was swept up from the floor, carried until my back collided against the mattress. Right away, V placed himself above me, capturing my mouth again, deepening into my lips as if they were the only air he could breathe. He dropped his mouth soon to my neck, drawing a way of warm kisses on my cooled skin as he travelled lower. I whimpered, feeling absolutely eager for him to take me, to do with me whatever he pleased. All my strength had faded, turning me into a yearning mess.

V stopped his kisses before crossing the line of my breasts, gasping against the sternum.

“I want to try something, Evey,” he muttered huskily. “Stop me if it doesn’t please you.”

I gasped, shivering at his tone, feeling a rush of excitement mixed with wonder, and I nodded. He inhaled sharply, pressing a kiss where his lips hovered and started to go lower. I yelped when V, clearly hesitant, captured one of my nipples between his lips, sucking it softly. When I sensed his tongue, starting to trace circles over it, I arched my back, letting out a desperate moan, my head falling backwards and my hands gripping the wrinkled sheets under my body. He moved to my other breast, doing just the same, as his right hand rose to pitch my moistened nipple, hardening it more.

When he lowered, continuing his way of kisses down my belly, I started to tremble, realizing what he might be intending to do. Just the thought of it killed me, making me tremble with eagerness, leaving me completely powerless under his touch. His mouth felt too good on my skin, nothing compared to what my dreams could make up. He kissed my belly button and my hip, continuing by my thigh and sitting to arrive to my knee and tibia, holding my leg delicately.

He repeated the same upwards the other leg, until he was bending down again over my hips. His lips pressed a soft kiss over my lower belly as he rested his arms by my sides, on the bed, passing them under my legs. He grabbed my hips gently, letting out a breath that collided against my skin, sending a hot shiver all over body. His sudden motionless seemed to be because he was expecting for me to stop him. However, I was waiting for it, openly, desperately.

I sensed his ragged breathing collide against me at the same time his lips found my folds. I cried out, feeling how the heat of my body had raised abruptly, burning as V started to move his lips over my clit. His mouth was so hot, so eager… It was making my heart soar to a dangerous level, deafening me, hammering against my chest at the pace he made my madness grow. He had to hold me on place when added his tongue, making me whimper loudly and move my hips unavoidably. His tongue caressed my bud as his mouth sucked me with softness, carefully and slowly, his not totally soft lips adding a wonderful texture down there.

One of his hands left my hipbone suddenly and I couldn’t reason why, gone as I was in the motion of his lips. I discovered it right away, although when I sensed two of his fingers entering me. I moaned as loudly as I ever remember doing, twisting and arching, raising my arms to grab the pillows above me, desperate. V held me tighter and moved his fingers inside me, but didn’t stop the motion of his mouth.

“Oh, God, V! Please, don’t stop,” I shouted, totally deprived of reasoning and filter.

He grunted, sending a vibration on my clit that, added with the work of his fingers, made me start to shout, about to explode. My head was dizzy, the last strength that my body had left rested on the grip of my fingers, and the only sensation I could feel was the tremble all over and the hard tingling on my belly. I was almost breathless of screaming so much, but I couldn’t care. All there was, was him… His wet, hot mouth and his trained fingers inside me giving me pleasure.

I exploded with a series of sharp cries, covering my face and arching into him, trembling at the wave of the huge orgasm that hit me. He drove me through to it until my body arched roughly and he knew he had to stop. When his fingers and his mouth backed away, I went completely limp over the mattress, still covering my warm face, gasping and shaking uncontrollably.

I sensed how he crawled up again, hovering over me, but I couldn’t look, or talk, or do anything at all.

“Evey?” He gasped, a little concerned, “Are you alright?”

I answered with a sharper gasp, not being able to utter a single word, to form a coherent thought.

“Evey,” he said again, sounding more worried. “Please… Answer.”

“I am,” I panted, making an effort. “Just…” I tried to say something more, but I failed miserably, sensing my thoughts clouded, so I shook my head, not knowing exactly why.

“Just?”

I uncovered my face, luckily remembering to keep my eyes closed and reached his face, placing my hands on the back of his head, pulling V to a kiss. I could barely hold my arms up or feel the strength to move my lips, but a need from the deep of my being got through the weakness.

“Take me now,” I grunted, pulling away an inch. “Make love to me.”

He cupped my cheek to kiss me again, breathing out raggedly, before grabbing his length, driving himself to my entrance. When I felt the tip brushing me, I arched my hips, producing a desperate sound. V entered me slow, tearing a low moan from the roughness attacking my voice now. His hips swayed with light movements, getting in and out really slowly, letting me hear perfectly his soft grunts of pleasure. Never before a voice had broken me that way, never another human being had left me so utterly weak and needy. I wanted him so much that I couldn’t even grasp how huge the feeling was. The lack of him was a slow death, and the sweetness of him such as mortal. And I didn’t want to survive. I wanted to be loved by him until my body rioted and perished, and my soul would ascend happily, I had no doubt of that.

“You can’t imagine how much I want you,” I moaned, taking his face between my hands and kissing him. “You kill me…”

“Oh, Evey…” he gasped, pressing his forehead against mine.

V started to move faster, thrusting into me with more force, moaning louder as he did. I trembled harder, fascinated at how his pleasure sounded without the mask, unmuffled and clearer, and so close to my own mouth. He fulfilled my desire, not taking his lips much away, giving me kisses filled with grunts and whimpers. I arched under him, placing my hands on his back and travelling lower, grasping his buttocks, urging him silently to be bolder. His body was too perfect, too sensual… I didn’t want to take my hands off him ever again. I wanted for that to be forever, him and I, without barriers. V grunted roughly at that, speeding up, obliging me to search support on his back again.

He started to groan huskily and I recognized that sound right away, knowing it perfectly already, the sound of his climax approaching. His mouth stilled his kisses, only being able to gasp by then. I sensed how the muscles of his forehead furrowed as he was about to come, and I wished too hard to be able to see him, to see the pleasure and the desire in his eyes, and the release in his features.

When he cried out for the last time, trembling uncontrollably as he came, I knew I was the one in Heaven. He crumbled over my body this time, hiding his face on my neck, catching his breath, and I held him, delighted by the feeling of him surrendered.

After a few moments of calmness filled with gasps, he rolled over, getting off me and laying by my side. I searched for his face with my hand, trying to know exactly where he was, and approached to kiss him. When I pulled back, I couldn’t help but let out a little laughter.

“You know too much to be so little experienced, you know?” I sniggered.

I sensed the heat of his face through my palm, which made me smile more. “I’ve read lot of different kinds of literature,” he answered, flustered, “with all kinds of information.”

“Is that so?” I laughed, pushing him down the mattress and laying over his body, capturing his lips again. “Surprising reading for a man that claims not having felt that need.”

“It was just for knowledge.”

“I know,” I laughed, kissing him again. “I’m messing with you.”

He rose his hands to my face, caressing its sides and putting a few locks of my hair behind my ears. V went totally silent suddenly, just letting out a sigh, holding my face. I felt in the dark for real, not being able to see not even his body. Before this, I opted to lower and curl by his side, resting my head on his chest and caress his body.

Thinking what we could do next, while he caressed my head, I fell asleep, hit by the tiredness at last.

The days passed too fast and the moment to part again arrived, even if I fought hard not to go over that again. Reasoning with him about matters of the safety was impossible, mostly because my arguments weren’t sound enough to counteract his well-constructed reason. And if I wanted him safe, first I would have to suffer for a couple of weeks more and trust that he would keep himself far from any danger.

Even so, I had ten wonderful days in which the issue didn’t appear in our conversations much. V preferred to keep those days vacant of any matter that wasn’t us, something that surprised me greatly and didn’t found the strength to break if wasn’t necessary. He assured me that had thought of everything and that had work for us to do, but meanwhile, we were together, he didn’t want to talk about it.

And, in more than a way, I was thankful for it. If we had to work on the revolution or trace a plan during those days, it would have been impossible, just being the two of us alone. Those days had been filled with the resumed routine we had before that month, which had a new component that distracted us too easily. When our brief time together came to its end, we had dishonoured almost every place of the Gallery already.

Also, considering our new activities, I had the guts to confess at last about the contraception pills. Equally, he confessed that he had known about it for months. He said that one day during the crisis I left my bathroom bag open on the sink and that there was one of the boxes there. He didn’t take it very well then, knowing I had that hope, considering what had happened. I felt pretty stupid when he told me, but he assured me fast that it didn’t matter now.

We said goodbye at the same place of the last time and I didn’t feel ready to leave until I made him promise again that I would see him in two weeks, whole and safe. Jeremy was already waiting for me where I had told him through Maria, two streets away from the deserted plot. I got on the bike as fast as I could, turning on the mic on the helmet and holding onto him one second before he started.

“It was surprising that you didn’t convince him,” he said right after we got on the road.

“It’s not easy to make him give in, especially if he’s right. It’s a miracle he has accepted to come to the White Meadow in two weeks.”

“Well… It’s something. And he will be alright,” Jeremy assured me. “I’m sure that if he had survived until now, a couple more of weeks won’t be a problem.”

“I know. But I’m worried anyway.”

“That’s normal. Let’s focus on our task, alright? Two weeks pass very fast.”

I sighed, encircling his body tighter as we approached the suburbs of London, hoping everything would be alright.

“Somebody’s following us,” he said harshly, exploding my bubble of thoughts.

“What?”

“A truck. Behind us,” he blurted out, accelerating.

I looked at the side mirror, seeing that there was a black truck behind us, with tinted windows.

“I saw it briefly after getting into the city. I thought it wasn’t following me but it’s been behind us practically all the way.”

“What do we do?” I said, not taking my eyes off the side mirror.

“I’ll try to distract them. Let’s hope they are alone.”

Jeremy accelerated more and the truck followed, also speeding up. My heart was beating fast, feeling the trembling of the bike under us as Jeremy turned around every corner skidding and the motor protested due to the velocity.

“Shit!” He exclaimed.

Before I could realize what happened, Jeremy braked violently and I collided against him, our helmets hitting. I shook my head, looking over his shoulder to find a couple of trucks on our way, making impossible to advance anymore.

The other truck stopped behind us, not leaving a single possibility of scaping. My lungs stopped receiving air, as if that sound was too loud for me to think. I was trying to find a gateway, a solution… But nothing but V came to my mind right then.

How they had found was an issue I couldn’t worry about; not at that moment. What frightened me was the knowledge that I was about to be captured, becoming what V feared: a lure. And I had nothing to fight with, nothing that helped us avoid that trap. The only thing I could do, with any luck, was getting Jeremy out of there.

A besuited bald man got out one of the front trucks and looked at us through his deep dark sunglasses. He stood at a few steps from the vehicle, joining his hands before him, as if waiting.

“I’m going to see what the hell they want,” I said, getting out the bike.

“What?” Jeremy breathed out, grabbing my arm, stopping me. “Are you mental?”

“Trust me,” I said.

“I trust you! Is them I don’t trust!” He whispered in a scolding tone.

“If we try to escape now, we will be turned into porridge in the blink of an eye,” I stated sternly.

“And what are you going to do? Negotiate?”

“Maybe. It’s not that we have plenty of options. Something definitely not good is happening if they knew that you’d be picking me up today, at this hour, in this zone. The only way to survive this is play their game.”

Jeremy went quiet, but it took him a few seconds to let me go. Breathing in, I turned around towards the man, approaching carefully, turning off the mic of my helmet. He looked at me, his head slightly lowering.

“It would be better if you took your helmet off, Miss Hammond,” he said with a deep voice.

“Better for who?” I blurted out.

He inhaled, irritated. “We’re not here to hurt or imprison you. We just want to talk for a while, and then you will be free to go.”

I looked at him with weary eyes, trying to know what was exactly happening.

“Talk about what?”

“About business, of course.”

“If you are who I think, there’s nothing to talk about.”

“I do think there’s some issues you would accept to talk about. Although not here.”

“I won’t go anywhere with you,” I said roughly.

“That would be unfortunate for your companion. The truck behind him has a shooter directly pointing at his head, ready to end him at my signal if you refuse to come. And his fiancé will have the same luck,” he took off his glasses, glancing at me with a pair of dark, cold eyes. “He was not very hard to find at Sweden, and even less hard to capture him at the village of Jeremy’s grandfather. But, honestly, make him talk was the easiest part. At the slightest, he told us Jeremy would be picking you up today around here.”

“Bastards,” I breathed out, clenching my teeth with rage.

“We would let your companion go now if you come, safe and sound. And, after we’ve had this brief talk, you could go and take Aiden with you. Just that easy.”

I clenched my fists at my sides. I would have had to return alone to the White Meadow. Jeremy and Aiden were in danger because of me. They could be playing with me. They could shoot him anyway, even if I exchanged myself for his freedom. Aiden could be dead by then. However, I had no other option.

“Alright. Just let me return the helmet. I don’t think you want a wireless device wherever we’re going, no?”

The man threw a hard glance at me and nodded. I turned around to Jeremy, walking until I was by his side again.

“Get out of here as fast as you can,” I whispered, talking rapidly. “And don’t protest. Just do it. And if I don’t show up at the White Meadow in two days, don’t worry. Go on with what V has asked you and pick him up in two weeks. And, for goodness sake, don’t let him come to rescue me. That’s what they want. I’ll escape. They won’t kill me. They need me as a lure.”

“Evey!”

“Shush. Just do as I say,” I took out the helmet, hanging it from a handlebar.

I looked at the man, who turned around and gave a signal to the trucks behind him, who opened a way between them. Jeremy gave me a hesitant look through the helmet.

“Go!” I urged.

Jeremy accelerated and when I saw him disappearing in the distance, I breathed in, relieved. After that, I walked to the man, who opened a door of the truck for me. Hesitant, I got inside, feeling I was falling into the rabbit hole.

I spent all the ride pounding my nails on my palms, my fists clenched on my lap, barely breathing with frustration. Looking through the tinted window, I tried to memorise the best I could the way. The other two trucks had vanished as soon as I got on that one, where there was just that man who I talked with and a driver.

When the car stopped, we were in the middle of the city, near the river, before a plain pub under a block of apartments. The bald man got off and opened the door for me. After that, the truck accelerated and disappeared. I restrained any reaction at how strange was being everything in that situation, not wanting to let them think they were bothering or confusing me.

“After you,” the man said, approaching the door of the pub and opening it.

Clenching my jaw, I got inside, finding there were a few clients having breakfast or chatting with the barman. When we stepped inside, the barman looked at us for a brief moment and ignored us completely. Nobody laid their eyes on us, which made me think if they were all on it. If a single person recognized me, I don’t think it would be good for whatever they planned to do with me.

“Follow me,” he said.

He started to walk towards a door at the end of the pub and I followed his steps. We ended up in a small corridor, where the bathrooms and staff rooms were. The man stopped before one and opened it, allowing me to see a small room with two sofas and two men inside, facing each other. One was suited and wore sunglasses and the other was a slim young man, brightly blond and with a pair of tired blue eyes that landed on me right away. His paleness seemed duller than the last time I had seen him, making the soft shape of his features sharper and the bags that had appeared under his eyes made him look sick. He stood up fast, his gaze lighting with hope.

“Evey,” Aiden gasped.

“Aiden,” I hurried to him, capturing in a big embrace, but pulling away as fast to cup his face and check if he wasn’t hurt. “Are you alright?”

“I… I’m sorry,” he stuttered, his eyes watering. “I couldn’t…”

“Don’t worry,” I cut him, caressing his face, too relieved to care about anything else. “It’s fine.”

“This is to show you, Miss Hammond, that we honour our word,” the man said behind my back.

I turned around, almost as if I had become a barrier between Aiden and them, gazing at him with hard wariness.

“But you have to honour yours too, if you want to walk out this place with him, unharmed,” he warned me. “Don’t worry about your friend. My fellow will watch over him meanwhile we talk.”

Something was escaping me. They had Jeremy go and Aiden was whole and untouched and they had chosen a public place for that meeting. Probably, they were trying to make me down my guard with all of that. However, the fact that he said they wanted to negotiate burned at the back of my mind.

Turning around, I gave Aiden a reassuring glance, that he returned with panic. I grabbed his hand, giving him a squeeze.

“Evey,” he breathed out, scared.

“Everything will be alight,” I muttered. “Just wait for me.”

He pressed his lips on a thin line and I nodded, walking out of the room again. The man closed it behind me and I stared at him. He started to walk again, until arriving to the last door of the corridor. Opening it, he gave me space to get inside.

When I went inside the little room, the alarms on my head started to sound louder. The walls had been soundproofed. Before me, there was just a table with a chair, a huge envelope and a remote control over its surface. On the wall in front of it, there was a huge TV, protected with a thick screen.

He closed the door behind us and grabbed the remote, standing at the other side of the table.

“Sit, please, Miss Hammond,” he said.

Breathing in, I did, staring at the closed envelope for a moment.

“Well, here I am. What the hell do you want?” I blurted out.

“Negotiate.”

“You already said that. About what?”

“About the plans your beau has for the day of the elections.”

My heart stopped for a moment, but I didn’t show it. “What beau?” I grunted.

“The code name V sounds more familiar to you?”

“The strange thing is if it doesn’t sound familiar to somebody now.”

That irritated him, I saw it by the way he grabbed the remote tighter, and I suppressed a smile.

“We know he’s been working side by side with you and your fellows,” he went on, “and that you are particularly close to him.”

“That’s bold thing to assume.”

“Not that much, considering the inclination he has to save you from every danger you are exposed to.”

I felt the tension building up on my stomach. V was right about their plan. They had been testing him.

“That’s just being a good Samaritan,” I answered, not taking my eyes away from his. “And before you ask… No. I don’t know how to find him, neither what are his plans, if he has some. Torture me, if you want. I can’t tell what I don’t know.”

The man breathed in, tensing up, but didn’t lose his composure or changed his expression.

“Save the denial, Miss. Your friend has told us enough to confirm you are deeply involved with him.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, inhaling deeply, feeling the anxiety creep up to my chest. It was obvious they had used Aiden to confirm all their suspicions. My hands burned, devoid of the knives, tingling with rage.

“We want to make a deal. If you promise to stop his plans and abandon all intent of destroying our cell, we will leave you be, all of you. You can get out of here with your life and your friends’ untouched, have your freedoms back.”

I snorted. “Freedom? No one will have freedom while the ones of your kind wander around. I won’t pact with you.”

“It’s the only way to avoid the death of your friend,” he warned me.

I crossed my arms, not wavering on my confident posture not a bit. Inside, however, I was trembling. I hated to have to take risks at the cost of one of my friend’s life.

“Kill us both, then, but I won’t bow down. And even if you kill him and capture me, forget about V coming to rescue me. It won’t happen. This whole plan is useless. He’s too clever to fall for this stupid trap.”

“That’s not what he showed until now,” he argued. “But we’re not interested in getting in a battlefield with him. We just want a pacific pact.”

“Capturing one of my friends and use him as an exchange? Sure. That’s pacific.”

“You will pact with us,” he said, starting to sound sterner.

“There’s nothing you can say that can convince me.”

The man sighed, backing on the table with his fists, bending over to me. “Maybe I can’t say it, but I can show you something that maybe is more convincing.”

My breath disappeared when he straightened up again, my brain working at full speed suddenly, trying to decypher what that meant. He grabbed the envelope, getting out a stack of photos. He aligned four of them in front of me and I looked at them, without moving from my position. The first one had a young woman in a hospital bed, with her thick black hair in a bun and her features lighted up with a smile, a newborn baby on her arms. The next one was the one of a little kid holding a teddy bear while sitting on a red sofa, looking directly at the camera with two bright blue eyes and confusion in his chubby features. The third had two teens hugging and smiling in front of a Christmas tree, wearing ugly sweaters. One was a girl with curly brown hair and deep blue eyes and the other was a younger boy, considering his face. However, he was taller already than her and clearly the kid in the previous photo. The last one had the same boy again, more grown up, sitting in a bed near a window, looking through it with the light caressing his features. His black hair was pretty long, thick and shiny, tied in a low tail, resting on his shoulder. He didn’t seem much corpulent, but had strong shoulders. His face was more masculine than in the third photo, his jawline more marked, but softened by the thinness of his nose and brows and the paleness of his skin. However, his eyes were a pair of profound oceans, bright with the sunlight. He was absolutely ethereal.

I furrowed at the photos, looking up to the man as he backed away from the table and took the remote out of his pocket. He clicked a button and the TV turned on. A black screen was showed for a moment, before the first image appeared.

A carpet. A red carpet filmed with a camera that had a date and the lines that appeared in those cameras that were used when I was little. The video had been filmed almost twenty-four years ago. The person that had the camera seemed to be wrestling with it, while two voices in the background argued about how make it work, until the lens rose.

“Thank God,” the feminine younger voice said.

“Do you have the gift?” The other woman asked.

“Yes, yes. Come on, upstairs,” she urged.

The next minute was the walk through a little house and how the two women walked upstairs until stopping before a closed door. One hand opened it, turning the knob, and the camera filmed a completely dark room. Then, a few flocks of curly brown hair appeared briefly in the image, before the girl sneaked inside the room, disappearing in the dark. The camerawoman stepped inside too, walking to somewhere that the poor quality of image didn’t get. Then, a pair of curtains were drawn back abruptly, letting the faint sunlight enter, hitting the bed next to the window, illuminating the bulge there. The person occupying the bulge wrestled, grunting, and a head rose slightly from the pillow.

The women started to screech a happy birthday song, while the young man, owner of that deep pair of blue eyes sat on the bed, sat on the bed, showing a heart-warming and perfect smile full of awkwardness while rubbed his lids. The young girl that appeared in that Christmas photo approached him, leaving a present on his lap when the song ended. His expression twisted, filling with cold culpability.

“Shhh,” the girl shushed him before he could utter a word. “Don’t. Just accept it.”

“But…” He murmured, so softly that it had been almost inaudible.

“We didn’t spend much money on it,” the camerawoman explained. “I promise.”

The boy looked at the person behind the camera, furrowing with sadness. He opened the present, unwrapping it and opening the box. He took out a hardcover book and looked at it, his eyes illuminating instantly as his lips parted in surprise.

“We know you didn’t have any collection of Shakespeare’s sonnets, so here it goes,” the girl said.

He rose his head, glancing at her with tenderness, and then to the woman filming, hugging the book.

“Thank you,” he gasped with a deep, but still young voice. “I love it.”

“There’s more,” the woman said and the young girl looked at her with confusion.

Both youngsters looked inside the box. The boy got out a book that seemed an old manuscript and the girl gasped, looking at the woman.

“Mom!” She exclaimed, outraged. “That’s…!”

She didn’t continue, but glared at her mother anyway. The boy got out of the bed, approaching to hug his mother. “Thank you,” I heard him say, even if I couldn’t see, the camera pointing at a random place on the floor now.

“You seemed so interested in Lysander Spooner the other day at class that I thought that I should get you something his to read,” she explained, joyful.

“It’s perfect.”

“No!” The girl exclaimed. “No! It isn’t! Mom! This kind of books is highly problematic! We have enough already with the kind of lectures that you give!”

“Don’t freak out, Allana. I’m being careful,” she said, reassuring.

“You are not! Talking about anarchy in your classes…! I can’t believe it! And if that wasn’t enough, you’re still filling this dork’s head with those ideas.”

“Hey!” The boy protested.

“Yes, what? You’re a featherbrain.”

The video was cut suddenly, the image turning dark and with grey lines. The man stopped it and I looked at him, utterly confused.

“What’s this?” I uttered.

The man looked at me, tilting his head a little, crossing his arms, as if he was examining me carefully.

“This was the video of the fifteenth birthday of this boy, called Victor Garber. He was born in London, approximately thirty-eight years ago. He was the second child of Erik Garber, an accountant, and Julie Ronson, a university teacher, and had Allana, a sister three years older than him. Erik Garber had Jewish ancestry, but wasn’t practising. When he was five, his father died of cancer and the family’s economic situation went downhill. However, Julie managed to raise her kids. Victor used to slip in her mother’s university to attend her lessons, in which she usually talked about issues that weren’t appropriate. She was raped and killed one night, returning home. After that, Allana took care of her brother for two years. However, Victor joined a rebel group against the desire of his sister and was imprisoned after a riot. His sister disappeared that night too, and nobody had known a thing from her since. Doesn’t he seem familiar to you?”

“Aside from being just another unfortunate that lived those times… No,” I admitted.

“Very well,” he breathed out. “Maybe this clears up your mind more.”

He played the video again, showing the boy, more grown up, in front of a mirror. The video had another date, two years after the first one.

“Here’s my future college boy,” Allana sung, filming her brother from the doorstep.

Victor turned to her, smiling and trying to catch the camera, but his sister backed away just in time. “Stop!” He exclaimed, his voice having turned deeper. “You are being silly. It’s just a group photo. And I have months still until college. I have to graduate first.”

“You’re fricking graduated almost! Let me be a proud sister for a while,” she protested and he rolled his eyes, facing the mirror again and tying his bow.

Allana approached him, grabbing his little ponytail and making him grunt, taking her hand away of it. “You should cut your hair already. You seem an eighteenth-century landlord.”

“I like it,” he sighed, wrestling with the tie.

“I detest it.”

“That’s why I’ve never ask you for clothing advice. Disastrous elegance,” he smiled slyly, looking at his sister through the mirror.

“And that’s why you’ve never had a girlfriend,” she uttered.

“And that’s why you haven’t found the right man,” he counteracted.

“Brat! How you dare to insult your sister like that, huh, Vi?” She protested and he laughed genuinely.

Until that moment, I had been seeing the home-made tapes with confusion. Until I had heard that nickname and that boy’s laughter, I didn’t know what I was seeing. But the sound of it gave me the terrible hint.

The dates clicked on my mind, pulled by the sound of that laughter, and everything that man had told me about the boy in the photos and the tapes fell on my head like a giant rock.

My heart stopped; I was sure it had stopped. Every resilience I had been gathering vanishing suddenly at the sight of that boy’s eyes, at his young voice I could recognize after such revelation. My eyes watered while contemplating how that cheerful young man teased her sister.

He was V.

“I see you’ve recognized him, at last,” the man said, stopping the tape.

I looked at him, full of uncovered fury. “Why?” I grunted. “Why are you showing me this?”

“To make you understand how much you have to lose when you try to go against the tide.”

“So what? That’s the past.”

“Yes. But the past can come back,” he backed on the table again, coming closer to me and fixing a hard look on me. “We don’t care about him, meanwhile he stays away from our business. But, if he doesn’t, I can assure you he will lose much more than he lost the first time. I’m informed that Lewis Prothero’s son told you something about that.”

My blood ran cold at that, but I didn’t waver. “He said a lot of lies. And, as I told you… Do whatever you want with me. He won’t come.”

“I’m afraid you’re not getting the point of this conversation,” he stated. “Even if I kill you right now, sooner or later, he will perish by our hand. The only way you have to save your life, your friends’ and his, is agreeing to stop him from his plans.”

I stared at him, breathing in deeply with anger. “Never.”

“Very well,” he said after a moment, not showing any change on his emotion. “Let’s see what you say after this.”

He straightened up and played another button, the next video playing at the very instant. It was a fixed camera that pointed to a white, open space, with a chain on the top. A door opening sounded and somebody wrestling, mumbling. Two men in white robes appeared, chaining a prisoner by the wrists, leaving him with his arms up. And, when he looked up, I saw he was V.

His hair had already been shaped and the weeks of torture and poor nourishment showed on his face, deep bags under his eyes and skinnier face. However, the shape of his body had already changed, now being more corpulent. He was trembling, his eyes filled with rage and fear, looking at somebody behind the camera as if they were the Devil himself.

“Eleventh session. Subject: V,” a feminine voice said. “What’s your name?”

V looked at her with hard eyes, gasping.

“What’s your name?” She repeated harshly.

“I don’t know,” he grunted.

“Age?”

“I don’t remember,” V answered, more sternly. “I don’t remember anything. I’ve told you.”

He looked down and turned a bit, as if trying to cover his face.

“Note permanent damage on the memory lobe. Start with the test.”

V glanced up again, raising his head fast, absolute terror in his eyes, a second before a jab of cold water collided against him. He screamed in pain and I rose from the chair right away.

“Turn it off!” I screeched, full of fury, throwing myself at the man, trying to grab the remote. “I said turn it off!”

I tried to fight him, clawing on his suit and grabbing his arms, but it was in vain. He was stronger and my furious attempt didn’t make anything against him. He gave me a slap on the face when I was trying to reach the remote, making me back up. Trying to compose myself fast, desperate to stop hearing V’s yelps, I tried to reach him again, swallowing his fist this time. I fell on the floor, colliding hardly, and feeling the salty savour of my blood on my tongue and my mind clouding.

The man grabbed me, pulling me up by my hair, making me grunt in pain, and made me sit on the chair. Before I could put up any more fight, he cuffed my hands and feet. He gripped my hair again, obliging me to look up. However, I closed my eyes, but my tears fell without remedy.

“This is what will happen to him, if you don’t stop him. And this time will be worse, more painful and slower. Is that what you want, Evey Hammond?”

“I won’t pact with you,” I grunted.

He let me go with violence and turned up the volume. “I’ll leave you alone to think for a while, with this wonderful soundtrack, and maybe when I come back you have a better answer to give me.”

“No!” I yelled and he turned it up more.

He walked out of the room, leaving me alone with the TV turned on, volume deafening, and locked it.

Alone with the screams of pain. Alone with the infinite images of heinous tortures, that never ended. One after another showed on the screen. It didn’t matter if I didn’t look. The sound didn’t stop. At some point, I didn’t know if the screams and pleadings for it to stop were his or mine. There was no ending for the tears, for the yells… I didn’t see an ending.

I ended up wrestling so much with my chains that the chair crumbled, making me fell on the floor, immobilised. And there, with my eyes closed, I had to listen to every minute, V’s screams hammering on my eardrums.

When everything went quiet, I felt dull. When the chair was pulled up with me on it, I couldn’t look at anything but the emptiness before me.

“So, what is your answer?” The man said. “Do we have a deal?”

Silence.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Will you stop him and make him vanish?”

I nodded. He freed me and got everything inside the envelope again, adding a CD. He gave it to me.

“You can keep this,” he added. “As a souvenir. And, as I promised, you are free to go.”

I grabbed it and stood up, barely, feeling all my body weak. I walked out, accompanied by the man, who opened the door where Aiden waited. He jumped up from the couch, relieved. However, when he laid his eyes on me, he flinched, horrified, but didn’t say anything.

I grabbed his hand and carried him away. They didn’t follow us. We walked through the corridor and out the pub. There were still clients, unaware. Out, the sun was high in the sky. Midday.

I started to walk down the street. Aiden followed. We had to get something to get to the White Meadow. The quad was still in the plot, but that was too far. I chose the first bike I saw and made a bridge circuit, turning it on. Putting the envelope under my jacket, we both got on it.

“Evey…” He dared to say then.

“I’ll take you to a safe place,” was the only thing I could manage to utter.

I drove us to the nearest village, leaving the bike there and starting to walk through the fields. Aiden followed, silent.

When we reached the White Meadow, we got inside the house and our friends, sitting on the couches, stood up all at once.

“Evey!” Jeremy exclaimed, and then put his terrified eyes on his fiancé.

Aiden threw himself to his arms and mumbled between sobs what had happened. I walked away meanwhile he started to explain his version, and Bel called after me. I couldn’t answer. She followed me upstairs, to my room. I left the envelope on the bed.

“Evey, for the love of God…” She cried. “Say something.”

I turned to her, staring at her tears among the perturbed light harbouring the room. I opened my mouth slightly as if trying to say something. Then, all strength in my body seemed to vanish, making my legs crumble, my knees colliding against the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! <3
> 
> I'm done with my exams, finally! And now I'll have three free weeks until the next semester begins so... Expect the next chapters within these weeks! <3 This one opens the home straight of this first part of the story, which is meant to have three separate works that follow a chronological line. There are two or three chapters more of this work before it ends but... I'll give you more details in the next chapter. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this one! <3
> 
> Also, I love characters playlists so much, so I decided to create ones for this story and share the music that gets me inspired. I'll update them every chapter. You can find them here:
> 
> [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w)
> 
> By the way, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/) too to keep updated if I post a chapter and other things related to this fic! And thank you to those who had been leaving kudos and comments during the month! You're so sweet...! 
> 
> See you soon! xx


	14. I've never fallen from quite this high, falling into your ocean eyes

Time’s pace was strange at first.

I didn’t know if I had been staring at that envelope for a minute or an hour, or if I had spent a week without sleeping or just a day. Everything was so silent… It deafened me. It had been just a few hours. I knew it because Bel had been sitting on that chair before me all the time, leaving it briefly to return right away with the teapot refilled.

I didn’t know where my words came from, but I told her everything. When I finished my explanation, I felt how a part of me was vanishing and I was put on autopilot. She inspected the envelope, taking out more than I had previously seen. There was a stack of documents and photos, including marks, a birth certificate, drawings… Everything that was needed to confirm certain person had existed. There was even a document from Larkhill: his prisoner file.

“We have to go find him right now,” Bel said when the break of dawn brought the first rays of light, illuminating the balcony. “We have to tell him this, what they have done…”

“No,” I answered, cutting her off, feeling the faint wind caressing my hair and face, staring at the field.

“But, Evey… We have to! They fucking extorted Aiden and tortured you!”

“I’ll find a solution,” I uttered in a faint voice. “I have no intention to stop anything. I wouldn’t have even given them the pleasure to hear me say it if Aiden wasn’t in danger.”

“What solution?” She said, outraged. “What, really? This may change everything, don’t you see? You can’t keep this from him! The whole plan might need to be rearranged.”

“That’s what they want. They want that I tell him what they have done to me,” I said.

When the commotion vanished, the reason behind what they did to me seemed to appear clearly in my mind. I was too familiarized with lies that pretended to mould my reality that it hadn’t been hard to discern what was all that about.

“They know that V is superior to their forces, but they know I’m his weakness. Capturing me and waiting for him to come wouldn’t be as effective as this. He could prepare the rescue and be ready for whatever they put around me. But with this… I’m free, broken, tortured… They want to infuriate him so he comes to them for revenge, and they would capture him, probably. It’s what Mark said: they want to punish him, to make him pay. The reason was not just stopping him; I’m sure they are not expecting for me to do so. They are just using me as a triggering.”

I saw sideways how Bel looked at me with horrid terror in her eyes. She glanced down at the photos of V, before everything, before Larkhill, when he was just a young boy with a whole life to live.

“This is what he feared,” I said, feeling how the muscles of my face tensed, but my features didn’t change. “That they used me against him. And at the slightest opportunity, they have. But I won’t give them what they want.”

“Still… V has to know,” Bel declared, but in a hesitant voice. “If you don’t tell him, we might have unexpected surprises on the elections’ day.”

“We will take good care to be ready. With him and Jeremy working together, that won’t be a problem.”

“And what if they are trying to capture him that day?” Bel blurted out. “What if that’s what they are intending? They might have planned something that blocks V. Maybe we should change our focus to another date.”

“No way. If New England is elected the next month, everything will start all over again. These two years will be thrown in the trash. They have to be stopped immediately. And I don’t think they have something powerful enough to do that. V’s stronger than they could even imagine. They don’t know what happened on the Fifth, that he survived to a shower of bullets and tons of explosives and rubble.”

“That might be true…” She vacillated, sighing. “But I don’t think he’s completely immortal. They are the ones who kind of created him and clearly have access to Larkhill’s files. What if they have the formula still, of that thing they injected to him? I think that’s enough to come to a conclusion of how to kill him.”

I stayed silent for a moment, my mind clouding more as time passed. “What do you propose then? That I stop our plans?”

“I’m just saying that you should consider seriously telling him. You might be damning V more depriving him of the truth than doing this by your own.”

I clenched my jaw, glancing at the photos on the table for a moment, feeling my heart quickening and the cold sweat starting to bead on my nape.

“It’s not just what they have done to me. It’s everything,” I muttered, taking my eyes away. “He wasn’t interested in knowing what happened to him, who he was. How can I tell him all this? How can I tell him without awaking more rage? I just can’t; I can't even push my fury away. He was just a kid, who had already lost enough… And they did those monstrous things to him for months… It would be fuelling the fire, worsening what we have archived until now. I don’t dare to imagine how will his head interpret that I had seen how he was before the fire. All we’ve progressed… He didn’t even remember how he looked without shaving, without torture and months of being deprived of eating. The only memory that he has of his appearance at Larkhill has haunted him enough. This won’t do any good to him.”

“But he deserves to know what has happened to you,” she argued. “And if the consequence is knowing this as well, I don’t think he refuses. And you don’t have to go into detail to tell him. It’s true that it would be hard to know that you’ve seen him before he was like this, that you know about his life and seen the tortures he was submitted to, but he has to. Don’t leave him misinformed. He knows those bastards better than us and might come to a different conclusion of what they are planning. If you keep this to yourself and try to solve it alone, I don’t think we will succeed.”

There was truth in her words. I understood what she tried to tell me and, inside, I knew she was right. However, I didn’t have the guts to tell him everything. Just thinking that he would be carried by the rage terrified me. The memories of the riot the past December, when I faked being killed, and how he attacked Jeremy, came to my mind. If something like that awoke in him, not even I would be able to stop his mind.

“You have two weeks to get ready,” Bel pointed out, reassuring. “And maybe a bit more of time allotted if he comes and you are not yet. But you have to give him time to change something of the plan if it’s necessary.”

Keeping absolutely quiet, I just nodded, not sure if I could do it for real.

The first week, I was completely summed in a dull state. There was no hunger, barely thirst, and sleep deprivation. I could feel nothing but sudden hits of sadness and terror and wonder. The nightmares returned, although, this time recreating the images I had seen in that small room, every time my body was too tired to keep my eyes open. His screams haunted me every minute of the day and every night of forced sleep, and I wished I could feel enough energy to cry. The torture was now inside me, trying to get out of my mind, but couldn’t, in any way.

However, I wasn’t the only one living a nightmare. Aiden had been through hell after being responsible for letting out the information about how and where Jeremy had to pick me up. They tortured him to make him talk and he, who always had been aside from the hard part of the revolution, wasn’t able to bear it. Even so, Jeremy was the one that blamed himself for what happened.

He didn’t warn V about Aiden. He just took him to Sweden without considering it would matter much. Some of the moles should have warned their bosses that Aiden disappeared when Jeremy did, and V didn’t know that he even existed as a member of the organization, and let alone that he was Jeremy’s couple. They saw the perfect opportunity to extort us when Jeremy left him on his own and they took it. After that, Jeremy had been working on the things V had given him, mostly hacking some information.

Meanwhile, Maria and Bel tried to make us feel better. They had been trying hard, but two friends traumatised and another obsessed to redeem himself wasn’t easy to take. The house was filled with different kinds of suffering, which made the atmosphere strangely thick.

When the day before Jeremy had to pick V up, everybody seemed terrified and trying to conceal it at all costs. At that point, everyone knew what had happened to me and even Maria and Jeremy had dared to see what was on that CD, just to find more hours and hours of V’s torture filmed, including the ones I had been exposed to. I had been taking a walk just at that moment, but when I returned, I found them completely destroyed. Bel told me Jeremy even threw up. After that, they all agreed that I had to tell him. I had one day left, and I still couldn’t form the words on my head to explain it to V. The only thing I could do was hiding the envelope under the parquet of my room.

The dullness had started to vanish, just a little. The space that left was replaced by nervousness and anxiety, which were even more irritating. I was feeling I couldn’t breathe most of the time, sweating and trembling slightly, not being able to distract myself with anything. Being inside the house made me feel I was choking and just long walks through the fields helped me to calm down a bit. The nightmares didn’t stop and the lack of sleeping showed on my features. The fact that V saw me like that and figured out something was very wrong with me, without even telling him, was a horrid possibility. A very possible one.

I heard Jeremy getting out of the house in the middle of the night, not being able to sleep more with the knowledge that V would be there in a few hours. I went downstairs and stepped inside the part of the living room that was the kitchen, opening the fridge. I grabbed the bottle of juice and poured some in a glass. Sitting on the countertop, I sipped it without much interest, looking around, inspecting how the shadows caressed the room. In a distracted glance, I caught the sight of my contraception pills right there, next to the fridge. I reached them, leaving the glass aside and taking the pills out. I counted them, realizing something was not right.

There was more than should be. I had forgotten some days in those weeks and I hadn’t realized. However, that wasn’t what kept me staring at them as if they were about to burn on my hand at any moment. Even if I had forgotten some days, I should have made the pause corresponding to my period two weeks ago. My period was late. Fourteen days late.

The first moment, I tried to swallow down the hint of panic that took over me, reminding me that the stress and shock of what had happened to me could be the reason. The next instant, I was jumping off the counter to run towards Bel’s room, upstairs. I opened the door without consideration and Bel woke up instantly, instant fight in her eyes.

“What?” She gasped with a hoarse voice. “What’s happening?”

I rushed to her, but not before closing the door behind me. She panicked, instantly dismissing her sleepy state. I sat on the edge of the bed and Bel glanced at me with urgency.

“What, Evey?” She exclaimed, worried when I struggled to explain myself.

“I think I have a problem,” I muttered, not believing what I was about to say. “And I need to go to the village, right now.”

“Why? What do you need? What problem?” She fumbled, scared.

“I…” I stuttered. “I need a pregnancy test.”

Bel seemed to frozen instantly at my words, her pupils dilating with shock, her lungs stopping their function for an instant.

“Sorry… What?” She breathed out.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

She shook her head a bit, looking down, thinking, furrowing, just to look up again. “Are you late?” Bel asked and I nodded. “How many days?”

“Fourteen.”

A gasp escaped her lips and she rose a hand to rub her forehead, as the panic appeared in her eyes too. “Did you forget to take it when you were with him?”

“One day, I think. The first.”

Bel sighed. “That doesn’t lower the effectivity much,” she said. “And the delay might be because of the stress you’ve had these weeks.”

“I know, but… What if…? I’ve never been late before, not even for a day.” I muttered. “I need to know. Now.”

“Alright,” she stated right away, pushing the sheets aside. “Let’s go.”

We warned Maria and Aiden that we were going out for supplies and made our way to the village. I spent the whole way panicking, thinking about the possibility of being pregnant for real, blaming myself for forgetting that day and not using another kind of protection. It was terrifying to be pregnant at that very moment. It couldn’t be a worse moment to be pregnant than that one.

We broke into the little pharmacy, searching for the best pregnancy test we could find and leaving the money on the cash machine. We picked the electronic one.

“Come on,” Bel hurried me, trying to seem collected but failing. “Get into the bathroom.”

I grabbed it, slipping into the bathroom in the back room. I followed the instructions and got out before the result was shown. Bel looked at me with worry in her gaze and approached. We put the test on the desk and waited with our nerves destroyed by the anxiety. If a cross appeared on the little panel, I was pregnant. If it was a line, I wasn’t. My mind was racing, side by side with my heartbeats. However, I couldn’t breathe and my body seemed immersed in harsh coldness.

Something started to appear on the panel, only visible after a few seconds: a cross.

For an instant, I felt as if my soul had left my body. I thought my eyes were fooling me. I approached, holding the pregnancy test between my hands, examining closer the cross, unequivocally there.

“Evey…” Bel muttered but didn’t say more.

I took a hand to my forehead, closing my eyes, starting to tremble.

Pregnant. I couldn’t even grasp my head around it. My life had been always such a mess I didn’t consider such a possibility for real. And let alone now, with the fight we had ahead. Bringing a baby to the world right then was the worst idea possible, and more even having parents that were basically terrorists in the eyes of the country.

And V… Obviously parenthood wasn’t in his plans. I was sure he didn’t even consider such a thing, never. He barely could believe he was a partner, even after months into a relationship.

I didn’t realize I was hyperventilating until Bel grabbed my arms, making me face her. “Evey!” She exclaimed, concerned. “Calm down! Breathe!”

I clenched my jaw, trying to control it, but I couldn’t.

“Let’s get out of here,” she urged, taking me out.

She dragged me, not loosening his fingers interlaced with mine while we walked through the village, taking us under a bridge near the river that crossed the houses. She made me sit and helped me breathe slowly.

When I caught my breath, my lungs burned and my eyes were totally dry, hurting. Bel held me while I tried to compose myself, caressing my head and being patient.

“What am I going to do?” I whispered when I gathered enough energy.

“Whatever you want,” Bel said. “It’s just your decision to make. Do you want to have it?”

“I… I don’t know,” I sighed, closing my burning eyes. “I’ve never… Thought of planning this.”

“You never plan these things,” Bel stated. “They come and you have to decide which is your path to take.”

“I don’t know,” I blurted out. “Now… It’s the worse time. We’re in the middle of a war and… V. He doesn’t even know what happened two weeks ago. How can I add this? He will freak out.”

“Forget about V,” she snapped, pulling away and gazing at me with stern eyes. “This is your decision. You will be the one carrying the baby if you want to do it. And if you don’t, it’s also your choosing.”

“I can’t forget about him,” I furrowed. “I can’t obviate he’s the father.”

“You have to, now. If he truly loves you, he has to accept your decision and help you if you carry on. And wouldn’t be the only kid that has born in the middle of a war and had important parents. Those kids survived. Even in the most difficult times, life moves forward,” Bel declared in a reassuring tone. “You didn’t plan this. Alright. It was kind of an accident, but it’s here. You have to choose, for yourself, and not for him. Don’t think about his reaction or if he will act as the progenitor or not. Don’t think about any inconvenient or problem of having it now. Don’t think about nothing but if you want to be the mother of this very child or not.”

I just stared at her, confused, shaken by her words. Bel stood up and looked down at me, sighing, placing his hands on his waist.

“I’ll go for something to eat. Wait here.”

Bel got out of under the bridge, leaving me alone there. I panted, hugging myself, and shrugging my legs closer to my body.

The confusion weighted over my head. I couldn’t shove away so easily that V had something to say about it, how he would react, how he would act about it… I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t at all. But everyone said that nobody is, not really. However, I was much more of a normal woman that he was of a normal man. I could face motherhood if I wanted. I had faced worse things.

Picturing myself as a mother seemed really strange at first. It was hard to imagine my belly growing and having a baby of my own in my arms. What kind of life could I give to that child, being a fugitive and a wanted woman? I had lost my parents at a young age and I had a high possibility of dying. I didn’t want my child to be a fugitive, who could end up alone if something happened to me. That wasn’t a good life. A child deserved to be loved and be safe, and live a quiet and happy childhood.

Among so much wonder, an image appeared, the picturing of a boy with bright blue eyes and hair dark as the very night. I got stuck with that image, being unable to let it go. I imagined how a child mine and V’s would be, how would they look, the personality they would have.

I closed my eyes, V’s smile before that mirror coming to me like a ray of light after months of rain, being able to remember him in those tapes for the first time without feeling torn. Sighing, I relied on it for a while and found myself feeling warm again.

Opening my eyes, I put my hands over my belly, not as a concealing, but as a protection. I never thought of having a child with him, just because nothing that had happened between us was something that I had imagined beforehand. I always had received every moment as it came. But, thinking about that hypothetical boy, with that ocean gaze and bright smile, I felt a huge urge to defend it, a warm feeling of wanting to offer protection and love.

When Bel returned, we walked to immerse into the fields again. Eventually, once we were far from the village, we sat on a rock near a tree, watching the break of dawn as we ate the things she had picked at the little store of the village.

“I think I want to have it,” I said.

“Do you?” Bel asked, surprised.

“I think so. I have to give it a thought a little bit more but… Yes,” I tilted my head.

“You can take it easy. You have a few weeks more before it’s more difficult to get rid of it,” she warned me.

The implication of that gave me goose-bumps and I furrowed. Bel looked at me, realizing what her words had caused.

“Sorry,” she said in a faint voice.

“No. It’s alright. It’s not like I’m attached to it already,” I answered, not believing my own words completely.

“Seems like it,” Bel muttered.

“It’s just that… You’re right,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I can do it if I wish to. And when I think of it, without considering all the trouble… It’s a warm thought. I need to consider it thoughtfully, though. If you were in my very situation, my speech would have been the same, but… I’m sure the father wouldn’t be somebody like V. I have to consider him in this. He’s not as easy to catalogue here as the caring or the fugitive father. It’s always more complicated than that. And… Honestly, I don’t know if he will take this alright.”

“What will you do if he doesn’t?”

I sighed. “I don’t know,” I looked down, at the can between my hands. “I still have to figure out how to tell him about what happened.”

“If you are afraid that he rages and does something without thinking… Maybe knowing he has a future, a being of his own to watch over, it will help him to keep his thoughts cooled. Maybe he’s more careful with his own life.”

“It could be the other way round,” I muttered, saddened. “I don’t think he sees himself as a future good father. He doesn’t even have pictured that. I’m sure.”

“Do you really think he would risk himself knowing you are pregnant of his child?” She looked at me, utterly concerned.

“No. I don’t think so. But it won’t be anything good for us, definitely.”

“You have to pick your words right, for real,” Bel breathed out, sounding tired.

“I’m genuinely scared. And mad. I feel something that was rightfully ours has been taken away.”

“What do you mean?”

“His past,” I uttered, taking a sip to swallow down a sudden bitter sensation on my tongue. “His face. Everything… He chose not knowing and I respected it. And suddenly I know more than he does. And I’ve seen how he looked, which I’m sure will destroy him, considering how ashamed is of his appearance now. If I tell him I’ve seen his face before, he never will be able to show me. I’m not scared of disliking how he looks now. That would never happen. But he will not see it that. It will be hell.”

“Yeah, I guess it makes sense.”

“We’ve been able to progress while there was nothing to compare to. And this is the part he is more reticent to get into.”

“I’m sure you’ll give him the strength in the end.”

“I hope so. But it’s not the only thing that worries me, aside from his reaction,” I admitted, making a face just to think of it. “I don’t trust myself either. I don’t know if I could be close to him now without being too obvious. He was just a teen… A young boy with aspirations, clever, with a whole life to live and a sister wating for him to come back. I can’t help but imagine how his sister felt, knowing he wouldn’t come back. I went through that too. And… The worst is that he’s not so different. Yes, maybe he doesn’t remember and what happened at Larkhill changed him but… When I saw those videos, his younger self, being just himself in a place where he was comfortable… I saw somehow him now, too. The way he talked and moved… And his inclinations… Everything in Victor was V, and V has some of Victor still. I’m sure that the result of what happened at Larkhill would be pretty much the same if he remembered. Maybe, the persona wouldn’t have been so present as a concealing, but I think he would have done the same.”

“And don’t you think that maybe that makes it easier for him? If he is so unsure about his humanity… Maybe knowing that he hasn’t changed so much might help.”

“That doesn’t erase twenty years of rage and pain.”

Bel sighed and passed an arm over my shoulders, approaching me in a warm hug.

“Whatever happens, know I’ll be here for you, always,” she said fondly.

“I know,” I leaned on her, resting my head on her shoulder. “Well… You got what you wanted. You’re aunt.”

“Oh, girl… Yes!” She exclaimed with joy. “You’re right! Of a little X-Man. Do you think he will have superpowers like V?”

“V doesn’t have superpowers,” I sniggered.

“Yeah, right. Making a fucking bomb out of dirt it’s not a superpower,” she said sarcastically. “It’s a wholesome one. Brilliant.”

“I never thought I’d hear you talk so well about him a few months ago,” I said with a little smile.

“Oh, no. I’ll kick his butt if he does not want this baby, don’t get me wrong,” she warned me. “He would be really stupid to reject it. That you are the mother of his child is a fucking blessing and if he doesn’t see it like that… He will lose all my respect,” Bel stated resoundingly. “I’ll be the coolest aunt in the world to soothe the lack of parental figure. Who needs it anyway? Fathers are the worst.”

“My father was nice.”

“Well, then he was the only nice father in the whole world. Most of them either treat you like shit, ignore you or they don’t even show up in your life directly. I wished mine didn’t show up, honestly. Less shit I’d have to deal with in my head.”

I laughed, even so, I knew she was right about her father. She took it well, though.

“Can we, please, stay here a bit more?” I asked. “I don’t want to go home yet.”

“They will be about to arrive,” she sighed, backing on me too.

“I know. I... Need to psych myself up a bit more.”

“No problem.”

“When will you tell him?” Bel asked when we saw the house on the horizon.

He had been on that rock for far too long. It wasn’t until nine o’clock that I felt ready enough to walk our way back. Jeremy had gone out between four and five, so they should have arrived at eight, one hour before us.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I think that maybe I can tell him little by little. I can tell him they did something, but not what. I can tell him I had to negotiate with them falsely to save Aiden. It’s the same result, aside from the torture. He could act on it and we can prepare. And… If I find the strength, I’ll tell him everything at some point.”

“Let me say… He will realize there’s more right away. He will see it in your face. Excuse me but… You look awful right now.”

“I know, but he’s not the pushy kind of man. If I don’t want to tell him… He won’t insist. It will probably hurt him, and I hate it, but the other option is much worse.”

“And what about the baby?”

“One thing at a time,” I sighed. “I’ll wait until the elections had passed and we can focus on it for real. It’s just a month away and I don’t think my body changes so much he realizes.”

“But he might if you stop taking the pill and your period never arrives. He seems the type of men that brings you tampons and chocolate because has the count. Also, I don’t think he’s that stupid.”

“No. But it’s not probable that his first conclusion is that I’m pregnant,” I let out a puff, nervous as we approached the house. “Anyway, I rather wait. I have enough with telling him they captured me to add that I’m expecting. The last thing I want when we are about to get into a fight is that he has his mind clouded.”

As we were closer to the house, my heart beat faster and my palms sweated exaggeratedly. Nervousness was eating me whole, the burning realization that my time until I had to face that was over. I didn’t know how to react once I saw V again and once again, I was mad about it. I should have been able to run happily to him and capture him in an embrace, the proper thing after a time apart. Instead, I was wondering what to do and how my feelings would unleash, and constantly fearing of how he would catch me at any moment.

When we stepped on the porch, I noticed I was holding my breath. Bel gave me a concerned look before opening the door as if she expected for me to flee right then. However, I nodded and she opened it. At the kitchen, there was everybody with morning faces and still in their pyjamas. Jeremy was cooking while Aiden helped, cleaning and serving. Maria was laying on the sofa with her feet rested on an armrest, watching cartoons on the tele, while V was on the other one. They all turned to look at us at the very moment. Jeremy turned a bit pale, while Aiden seemed suddenly nervous. Maria rose a bit, backing on her forearms, her eyes lighting up with fight or flight on them.

V stood up instantly, coming in our direction and standing before us. I saw Bel looking at me sideways, scanning me. I clenched my fists, already feeling like chocking, trying to contain any strange reaction.

“Here I am,” V said softly, after the prolonged silence that took over. “As I promised.”

I nodded, cursing inside. No word would come up. I couldn’t talk.

“Have you had a nice trip?” Bel said, getting my back. “Jeremy accelerates too much sometimes.”

“It’s been a new sensation, definitely,” V answered, his voice starting to sound strange.

“Where are the supplies, girls?” Maria said from behind.

Bel seemed to panic a little, giving her a gesture to shut up when V turned to look at her. The boys seemed confused too, but I was only able to give a quick glance to them. When V turned again, Bel faked composure.

“We couldn’t get them today. There was somebody at the store,” she explained.

Maria opened her mouth to say something more but opted not to. I breathed in, grabbing Bel’s hand for a moment and giving her a gentle squeeze. She looked at me, concerned clearly, but I stepped forward, approaching V.

“Can we talk upstairs?” I murmured.

He looked at me through the dark screens and I sensed his heavy gaze on me. “Of course,” he responded softly.

I started to walk out of the room, feeling the panic of my friends as we left to go upstairs. V followed me in complete silence until we were in my room. At the feet of the bed, there was a big black suitcase, he should have left there when he arrived. When he closed the door behind us, I noticed I was trembling a little already. I turned around, looking at him, completely silent.

“What’s happening, Evey?” V asked with caution. “Everybody is acting really strangely. You included. You don’t seem content at all to see me,” he admitted, genuine sadness in his voice.

My heart broke at the sound of his pain and I had to look away for an instant. I didn’t expect to bring sorrow to him that fast.

“It’s not that,” I said right away, daring to look at him, having to take a deep breath, realizing I knew now which face was concealed behind the mask. “It’s just that… I need to tell you something.”

He flinched slightly. “I’m listening,” V came closer, standing right in front of me, so near I could feel his heat.

I took a step backwards unintentionally, hugging myself and looking away. “Maybe you should sit,” I said in a whisper, glancing at the table at the balcony.

I approached the windows and opened them, stepping outside. V followed me, sitting as I proposed. Glancing down at him, and without having said a single word, my head was burning already.

I held myself on the back of the other chair, breathing in as I tried to collect myself, not knowing how to start and avoid the things I didn’t want for him to know without making myself obvious.

“I suppose you’ve met Aiden,” I started.

“Yes,” V responded.

“What do you know about him?”

“Nothing, except for his name and that for some reason he’s here,” the reticence lingered in the last part of his sentence, making me flinch a bit. He was already disapproving it and didn’t know what was all about yet.

“He is Jeremy’s fiancé,” I said in a faint voice. “He was part of the organization. You didn’t know him because Jeremy took Aiden with him to Sweden, to protect him.”

“He did what?” V asked sternly.

“Wait. Don’t get mad yet,” I begged, pressing my lips on a thin line. “I guess he didn’t think about it at the moment and when he realized Aiden could be in trouble too it was too late to meet with us. He did what he thought it’d be better to keep him safe.”

V took a deep breath, that resounded roughly behind the mask. “It was highly imprudent to avoid such detail into the conversation, and more even taking him to the same place where he opted to hide,” he stated with roughness. “Being found together in such a place could have been disastrous. The very plan was to keep every component of the group safe. Acting in such a manner could’ve compromised all the plan.”

I straightened up, resting my hands on the small of my back, looking down. My heart was beating too fast for me to formulate a word that didn’t tremble. I tried to breathe in slowly and discretely, trying to gather enough force.

“Evey…” V muttered, concern with hardness mixing in his question. “Something has clearly happened. Tell me.”

I gazed up to him again, but I couldn’t keep his glare right then. I approached the rail, backing on it and looking down, to the floor. I inhaled deeply. I had to let it all out at once or I wouldn’t.

“When Jeremy came back, Aiden was captured by the opposition cell on Sweden. They took him back into the country and tortured him to know where they could find me. He told them the day and the zone Jeremy would be picking me up. A few trucks followed us and blocked our way. They had Aiden somewhere and wouldn’t free him if I didn’t accept to negotiate. I accepted with the condition that they let Jeremy go and freed Aiden after the negotiation. I went with them, they took me to a pub and asked me to stop your plans for the elections if I wanted Aiden alive. I didn’t want to risk his life, so I lied and accepted it. They freed Aiden and I took him here, safe.”

V stayed completely still and silent for long. I had to drive my eyes to him again to check him, even if I was terrified to do so.

“Which is the threat?” He said in a dark tone. “What if you don’t do it?”

My breath disappeared. I didn’t think of inserting that detail inside the retelling. There was a threat, but it was precisely what I couldn’t tell him.

“There isn’t,” I said after not being able to process something credible enough. “It wasn’t brought into the conversation.”

“Impossible. They would never accept that, not without terrorizing you first. It’s the modus operandi they always use.”

“It’s… It’s what happened.”

He stared at me and I tried to hold it with all of me. If I flinched… If I made a false move, I would betray myself.

“Is there something you are not telling me?” V said in a rough tone that carried a hint of disappointment. “If there is… You must tell me.”

My throat tightened painfully at his words. Half-truth was something I repeated myself I could handle, but not lying to him. However, when the images I had seen and the knowledge of things that shouldn’t be in my mind popped up in my head, the words flew out of my mouth as fast.

“That’s all,” I muttered, so softly I almost didn’t produce a sound.

V sighed sharply, taking his hand to his mask, lowering his head for a moment as his body seemed to deflate.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” he whispered, almost to himself only. “Something is not right. They wanted to corner me. I’m certain. And you are the only way. Why would they free you with just a vacant promise? It’s absurd.”

I didn’t say a thing, too occupied as I was with not breaking down in front of him. Suddenly, he stood up and my body gathered some tension as if the sound of the chair moving had turned on the alarms inside me. V came closer to me, sighing.

“Whatever it is… I’m glad that you are alright,” he said in a softer voice, tender, as he rose his gloved hands to my face, cupping it. “I don’t dare to even imagine that they had hurt you in their intents to capture me. It’s insufferable.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, containing the anxiety at all costs. He caressed my cheeks with his thumbs and I felt the urge to run away more than ever. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that I was lying to him, and thinking of all the boundaries I had unintentionally trespassed instead of hugging him and melting in one of his kisses. It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t tell him I was dying inside of guilt and worry, just to keep him alive. It wasn’t fair that we always had to live our love among the shadows, keeping secrets from each other and leaving our matters aside.

I lowered my head, pressing my forehead against his chest and encircling him with my arms, glueing our bodies until I thought they would join. V returned it, sighing heavily, heart beating faster. I furrowed at the certainty that I wouldn’t be able to lie for much longer eating me inside.

When he took my face between his hands, our gazes meeting again, I sensed somehow that he wanted to kiss me. And I panicked.

“We should go downstairs and start working,” I muttered.

V sighed with marked disappointment, a sound that broke my heart into little pieces, and took his hands off me. “Alright.”

V wasn’t too hard on Jeremy, probably because of me, because they were my friends and the only crew left in favour of the revolution. Even so, everyone knew the truth behind the lack of information V had and continued to be tense for a while. When we went downstairs, I knew Bel hadn’t told them about the pregnancy and I was thankful for it. One secret among us was enough.

We started to work right away and that day served me to see that we could do it without having to tell V the complete story of my meeting with the opposition cell. Not yet, at least.

I tried to act as normal as I could, trying to camouflage my dullness with the seriousness of our mission, but when the night arrived and V and I found ourselves locked in the same room, alone, the panic returned.

I wanted him, just as always, but I didn’t trust myself at that very moment. I felt like, at the very moment he touched me, with his great tenderness and gentleness, the wall that kept me collected would fall. And I couldn’t tell him yet. I wasn’t ready.

However, he didn’t make a single move to touching me. I turned around to let him change and put on his pyjama, which finally had been using since I had seen him, and we got into bed. He didn’t put a hand on me and I did not try to reach him, burning as I was in guilt and despair, noticing I was hurting him and that he was suspecting already that there was more than I was saying.

And I still didn’t find the strength to talk. Just the slight glimpse of his hands and his neck made me feel like I wasn’t breathing, thinking of what he would think of himself after knowing I had seen him as he was before. I just turned around after giving him a brief kiss over the mask and wishing him goodnight.

Again in that little room. I was suffocating, pleading for the images on that screen before me to vanish, those raw screams of pain to stop. I wanted to stand up from that chair but the chains kept me down. They burned. They hurt. The chair was stuck on the floor and I couldn’t move it. I was struggling, screaming along with him, air gone, fire in my lungs. Somebody was holding my head up and my eyes wouldn’t close. And I had to see him, suffering torture after torture, in a cycle that never ended. And I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t stop it. I just wanted to stop it.

“Evey!”

Gasping, I sat on the bed, instantly coughing at the rough intake. I was trembling furiously, sweating cold, breathless. I realized, at the sight of the sheets before me, that it had been a dream. Just another nightmare, another vivid one.

I put my head between my hands, trying to catch my breath and shake those images from my head. A hand landed on my shoulder then, making me utter a sharp gasp at the unexpected touch and turn around in an abrupt way towards its owner. I found V right by my side, having retired his hand, looking at me.

It took me a second to remember he was with me now, under the roof of the White Meadow, and I cursed internally. I didn’t think about the nightmares before. Suddenly, I wasn’t breathing because of the dream anymore, but because of the fear of what he could have heard.

“Evey… Are you alright?” He muttered, his voice shaking with deep worry.

“Yes,” I gasped, dropping my gaze and closing my eyes, sighing, putting my hand on my forehead and drying the sweat. “It was just a nightmare.”

“You were…” He started in a low voice but didn’t continue.

His sharp pause obliged me to open my eyes and look at him again, terrified.

“What?” I whispered, trying to sound steady.

“Calling me,” V said, at last. “I thought those nightmares were over,” he said, a hint of guilt vibrating in his words.

“They were but…” I sighed, trying to find an explanation that was credible. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been too worried these last weeks, after what happened and with you away, not knowing what was going on at London.”

V sighed heavily, clenching one of his fists, his mask lowering a bit as his gaze dropped to the mattress at the other side. “Is this the reason why you’ve been so,” he said, stopping in the middle of the question, letting out another tired exhale, “distant with me?”

His words felt like a kick on my stomach. I raised my eyes to him, who rose his at the same time, both gazes locking.

“I’m aware that you weren’t alright with this. I’m sorry. I should have thought a way to make this time away shorter,” he excused himself sounding fully apologetically as if that had been his fault.

“No, V,” I muttered right away, feeling the worst human being suddenly. “It’s fine. It was the right thing to do. I’m not mad.”

“But… You resent me.”

“No.”

My throat tightened. There was no way I could hide what was happening in my mind more. If he asked the right questions, I couldn’t lie forever.

“Then, what’s wrong?” He opted to ask.

“Nothing,” I said, not convinced at all.

He fell into a silence that fuelled my boiling nerves, making the air around us thicker.

“And why you seem as if you were afraid of me now?” He asked in a rough whisper.

“Afraid?” I breathed out, hit by a mixture of guilt and disbelief.

“Yes. You’ve been putting on a space between us all day as if you were scared to be too close of me,” he explained, pain lingering in every word.

I clenched my teeth, not daring to throw a lie to him to counteract that, knowing it was true and nothing I said could soothe it.

“Did something more happen in that meeting, Evey?” V questioned, tone turning darker. “Did they say something to you?”

My brain had a short-circuit. I wanted to deny it but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to lie more to him and I didn’t want to keep hurting his feelings. However, nothing came to my mind, nothing but panic.

“Evey,” he gasped, supplicant.

I realized at the sound of his voice that my eyes were watering and that I had taken them away of his. He approached me more and I tensed up suddenly, feeling cornered. V’s body grew tense at the sight, noticing my reaction at the very instant.

“Evey… What happened? Please, tell me,” he begged, a hint of rage appearing among his sorrow.

“I’ve told you.”

“Not everything, clearly. Everybody here knows except by me,” he said with more tenacity than my nerves could bear right then.

My lungs rioted totally, closing, refusing to let the air in. I got out of the bed, grabbing my dressing gown from the dresser and putting it on. I couldn’t breathe. I had enough air to say one more thing and I didn’t know what. I wasn’t ready to tell him. I needed more time.

V approached me, standing at a single step from me, tensing, radiating frustration. “I need to know,” V asked, softer now. “If they…”

“No. You were right,” I blurted out, tying it around my waist, not looking at him. “I’m resenting you. It’s been hell these two months, always wondering if you were alright. I’ve lost you too many times to be afraid of another.”

I walked past him and prayed for him to stay there once I got out of the room. When I closed the door behind me, I felt like crying, but my eyes were frozen, unable to let a single tear fall.

Liar. Cheater. Coward.

Those were the only words that multiplied in my mind as I walked away from my room. Keeping that from him was just because I was afraid to lose him. Lying to him to keep him by my side. Being a coward and hypocrite was what I thought I was being. I had been claiming to need him to trust me more and now I was mistrusting him on his promises.

I got into Bel’s room, who woke up right away, placing her blue eyes on me among the shadows. When she saw me better, as I closed the door and walked to her, she sighed and pushed the sheets aside, inviting me to lay by her side. I laid down and she hugged me, caressing my curls.

“I lied to him,” I muttered. “I lied to him to his face.”

“What has happened?” She said in a low voice.

“I’ve had a nightmare. He has woken me up and started to ask me things like if I was resenting him or if something more happened in the meeting and I… I’ve felt trapped. I’ve told him I was like this because of him because I was resenting him. And I’ve walked away. I’ve left him there, thinking this is his fault.”

“Oh, Evey…” She mumbled, sorrowful, hugging me tightly.

“I’m horrible…” I cried out, but my eyes were frozen still.

“That’s not true,” Bel argued, keeping her tone soft. “You’re still going through a bit of a shock. It’s alright.”

“What if I can’t tell him in time?” I said in a faint voice, breaking.

“I will if you want. You just have to tell me.”

I turned to her, finding her worried blue eyes looking at me. Swallowing dryly, I nodded.

“Come on,” she said, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Try to sleep a little.”

When the morning came and we went downstairs, the three of our friends were in the kitchen, about to eat breakfast. But V was nowhere to be seen. Bel made me sit on a chair before the pang of guilt that hit me showed on my features, next to Maria, who was already eating.

“Good morning, girls,” Aiden said, giving us a slight smile, returning fast his gaze to the frying pan he was holding, flipping the pancake on the air. “Hungry?”

“With this smell, now I am,” Bel said, approaching to grab two plates and giving me one. “Juice or milk?”

“Thank you. Milk, please,” I said.

“With cocoa powder?”

“Yes. Why not?”

She made me an affirmative sign and went to the fridge, grabbing the carton. I sighed, looking at the marble of the bar before me, feeling my head clouded and my stomach heavy. I tried the pancakes without much interest. I was thinking I should take him something to eat, since he didn’t eat the past day, and try to fix what I messed when he crossed the door into the living room. I noticed because Maria, who was better positioned, rose his head abruptly and I turned around, locking my eyes with his.

My heart started to beat crazily when he hesitated, his mask lowering. Then, he walked to me, standing at a step from me. His chest rose in a broken exhale and it took a second for him to say something.

“May we talk in private when you finish?” He asked softly, with a voice that showed he didn’t have any rest last night.

I nodded and turned to my friends, noticing the kitchen had suddenly gone too silent. They all took their gazes away from us, returning them to whatever they were doing before V walked in. Bel gave me a cup of milk and looked at V.

“Are you hungry? Do you want something?” She asked him.

I sighed lightly, approaching the cup of milk to take a sip.

“No. I’m alright. Thank you,” V answered.

A pungent smell kicked my nostrils when I took half of a sip, making me cough roughly and leave the glass on the bar again. I grabbed a serviette that was around there, cleaning the mess that was my face now, but not being able to shake away the horrible scent.

“What is that?” I grunted, looking at Bel.

“Milk?” She furrowed, not understanding.

“It smells horrible,” I said, breathing in to soothe my disgust and regretting it right away, coughing again. “Are you sure it hasn’t expired?”

“Evey, I’ve opened it this morning,” Maria said, as surprised as Bel, and I realized she had a cup of milk half empty before her. She grabbed it, smelling her cup and then mine. “I don’t smell anything different from always.”

I turned to Bel, our eyes meeting as both realized what it was. I was about to come up with a cover when my throat tightened, my mouth watered and the first reaching kicked in. I stood up and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom at the end of the corridor. I threw myself on my knees before the toilet, thinking I was about to vomit. I felt Bel getting inside with me, closing the door behind her, and kneeling down to hold my hair aside.

After a couple of minutes of agony, I sat on the floor, knowing it had been just an alarm. Bel sat next to me. She gave me a concerned look and I panted, closing my eyes. Morning sickness. Weird smells. That’s all I needed.

I held my head between my hands, bending over, desperate. “He’s going to catch me before the elections if I start to have symptoms,” I whispered. “I can’t tell him yet. Not… Not before.”

“Evey, girl… If he finds out, well… So be it,” she said, reassuring. “The last thing you need now is to stress out more. You don’t want to tell him? Fine. You’re in your right. Do you want to focus on the other thing first? Go for it. But don’t worry much or you will fall ill for real.”

Somebody knocked on the door, startling me and making Bel go into a full alarmed mode.

“Is everything alright?” Jeremy said at the other side, sounding concerned.

“Yes, yes,” Bel said, sighing in relief. “Evey is just a little bit sick. Nothing to worry about.”

“Well… Okay,” he muttered, walking away.

We both deflated when he left.

“Go up and rest for a while,” Bel said. “I’ll take care of V.”

“No. Let him go upstairs,” I shook my head. “I have to fix what happened last night.”

She nodded and we both stood up, walking out of the bathroom. I went directly to my room and laid down on the bed, kicked by his floral scent right away, already rooted in the sheets.

I closed my eyes when I realized I was staring too much at the exact place next to the bed where I had hidden the envelope. A few minutes after, I head the door. My nerves exploded, my heart beating fast again, as I heard him coming closer and standing before me. I made space for him and he sat on the edge, looking at me in silence.

“How are you feeling?” He said in a low voice.

“Better. I was just a bit queasy.”

He sighed. “Do you need anything? I can go downstairs for it.”

“No. I’m fine, really.”

V nodded slightly, falling into a sepulchral silence again. I just gazed at him, trying to read in vain his thoughts on his mask.

“I need to apologize, Evey,” he said, at last. “I should’ve realized the extent of suffering that complying with this plan was putting you through.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” I sat to have him closer. “I was on my nerves last night. And I guess I didn’t feel well already. I overreacted. I’m not resented, for real.”

“Are you sure?” V said, sorrowful, breaking my heart.

“I am. Very sure.”

He breathed out, raising a hesitant gloved hand to me, caressing my cheek with tenderness. I relied on his touch, feeling my body less heavy under his warmness. I noticed how the tension grew suddenly in his muscles as he took his hand away, leaving a ghostly trace on my skin.

“What?” I muttered, feeling there was more.

“Nothing. It’s just… I would…”

“What? Really,” I said, approaching him more.

His breath hitched at the closeness and I felt his hands raising to rest on my back. “I would like to kiss you,” V admitted, sounding ashamed.

I smiled slightly, but I felt it didn’t reach my eyes. It was true. We hadn’t kissed since we said goodbye to each other, two weeks ago, after ten days full of love. No wonder he was suspicious of my behaviour.

“Maybe this is not the best moment. I don’t want to get you sick,” I warned.

“I’ve never been sick before. I don’t mind,” he whispered. “If you don’t mind, of course. And if you…”

“Shhh,” I cut him off, raising my hands to cup his mask and smiling more at his rambling of embarrassment, not used as he was to ask for those things.

I closed my eyes, taking my fingers under his wig and finding the straps of his mask at the back of his head. I untied it, leaving it down, between us. V sighed, taking my face between his hands, caressing my cheekbones with his thumbs and bending over to place his delicate lips on mine. He sighed roughly at the very instant, his hands tightening around me as he pressed himself closer as if he had been struck by an absolute relief.

Letting him kiss me was the only act of bravery I could come up to, the only way to soothe what I was doing to him. And I was afraid to break down as I felt his love on me, pulling down all the barriers I had, but instead, for those brief moments in which he took over my mouth, I felt clarity again. However, when he pulled back, my feelings felt dull again.

And, even if I couldn’t see his expression, I noticed he realized not even that was the same. However, he didn’t say a thing. He just laid down with me for a while, caressing me and keeping me company as I rested. I hated myself for hurting him, for not being able to gather enough energy to tell him. I thought I had moved on from fear, and I still did. But, every time I remembered his screams of pain, his begs, and his cries… My strength was gone.

The following days we fell into another period of distant coldness, from which I couldn’t step out. I wanted to reach him, revive how I felt before everything, but the only things I felt were dullness and, when not, nervousness. It was like being underwater: oppressed and unable to scream, muffled by an invisible force that pushed you down more. And, even so, my brain was going at full speed all the time, reproducing sounds that I wanted to forget, echoing in my head when I least expected them. I wished I could share my suffering with him, but I couldn’t.

We immersed in the searching for a hint to find somebody powerful of New England. V didn’t ask me again what was wrong; he just seemed to accept whatever he thought my behaviour was due to. I feared his thoughts, going towards wrong directions. I feared how hurt I was making him. But I was trapped in a cage.

At least my pregnancy didn’t manifest more symptoms, which was a relief, considering the problems I had over me already. I was trying to gather enough strength to talk to him about the torture, not allowing myself to think too much about that, just as Bel said.

The only thing that seemed to bring some light to the house was the decision of Jeremy and Aiden to get married right away. Apparently, Jeremy and Maria had been talking about the issue and she remembered something that could make the wedding a reality. After one of the last riots in which we participated, Maria helped a young priest that had been injured and started to show up constantly at her shelter to help. They got along pretty well and he came to Bel’s when Maria’s shelter was transferred. I didn’t know him, but I had a brief memory of a priest running around the day of the market’s bomb and Maria confirmed that that was him for sure. The thing was that he owed Maria favour and he would be totally up to marry Jeremy and Aiden if she asked him. After a long talk about security and bad ideas related to the ceremony with V involved, we got to fix a date. Maria would call her priest friend to come to the village at night, we would break into the little church and have an intimate and clandestine ceremony. It was everything pretty illegal, but everything in our lives was like that now. Clandestine, hidden and very illegal, even in our best times.

V wasn’t very excited for our little nocturne adventure, but he ended up being convinced after we assured him the village was a safe place and absolutely dead at night. There wasn’t a risk of being caught, and less in the church. He was still getting used to living with more stubborn beings, not just me, and sometimes it seemed to be too much for him. However, I sensed how he was taking everything better than I previously thought, probably too used to me to not be surprised by my friends’ behaviour. His reluctance was purely based on what happened the last time I got out, but I remembered him that he was there now, if there was a remote possibility that something happened. That seemed to soothe his doubts, just enough to let the wedding happen.

Aside from that, it was surprising for me how V interacted with the new situation. I thought he would be more reserved with living with other people, but he seemed as open as he seemed with me the first time we lived together at the Gallery. Maria and he had seemed to build a good relationship while we were in our retirement, and was genuinely funny how she teased him and grunted from time to time, asking me to tell him to talk like a normal person, because she didn’t understand him half of the time. Bel was very open with him, usually taking care to get him into our table conversations and house life. I had found them a few times talking or playing chess, with Jeremy, Aiden and Maria watching with the most interesting expressions I had ever seen on them. Jeremy and Aiden were the ones that still walked on eggshells around him, considering they felt responsible for what happened. Jeremy was alright when they got inside the study we had prepared to work on our mission. Although, when they were out, he seemed a bit tense and didn’t dare to talk to V or even approach him much. Aiden, instead, barely dared to look at him and I couldn’t remember a single time he had spoken to him.

Seeing him get along well with other persons, which were opening to him as one more of us, was heart-warming to witness. Even if I didn’t feel alright right then and I was unsure about our future, V was my partner for life and they knew it. He was more, but only Bel knew that. The important thing was that he was more comfortable with them than I thought and seemed to enjoy their company. If we survived that war and didn’t shatter before it ended, that would be the only family we would have left. We all had lost ours, for various reasons and in different ways. We just had each other since the war began and that would be the same when it ended. And it was a relieving sight, to see him surrounded by not just one person that cared about him and the unity everybody was building.

It had passed one week after V had arrived at the White Meadow and the night before the wedding arrived. We had been doing a marathon in the living room with V and Bel after a conversation during dinner about movies. They weren’t agreeing in the way to portray romanticism and they decided to test it. The three of our friends decided to back away and retire to their rooms once Bel decided to bring Ghost as her counterattack to V’s choosing. We all knew how she was with that movie and that she could turn into a monster to defend it. However, I was interested in seeing how she planned to counteract Brief Encounter. I wasn’t that excited to see Ghost again, knowing I had a high possibility to cry in the end, just as every time I had seen it. I would be glad to, actually, to feel something that wasn’t dulled or full of anxiety.

It was very nice to hear Bel and V constantly discussing the movies, but I felt sleepy soon into the first movie and retired to go to sleep. However, I didn’t sleep much, waken by another tough nightmare. When I did, I realized I was alone in bed. I got out from under the sheets, feeling the desperate need to breathe some fresh air. I put on my dressing gown and walked out to the balcony, the doors already opened to let the summer breeze in. I was near the rail when I heard Bel’s voice.

“… Sure. She deserves it, to be honest,” I heard her say.

“All I’ve always wished for her has been that she has all the good things that are possible. That’s why I kept away,” V answered her, letting out a sigh.

I furrowed. It had to be very late and they were still talking. They had to be on the porch, right under the balcony, considering how close their voices sounded. I sat on the floor, not daring to move more, knowing they were talking about me.

“Well… I have to be honest with you. I kind of hated you, as a man, for what you did to her in that cell,” Bel said to him, a bit sternly. “It was really fucked up and it made me spend a whole year thinking she had just Stockholm Syndrome. But now I know that’s not it. I know you love her in a truthful way. And I’m glad you kept my best friend alive more than once.”

“She’s the one that keeps me alive,” he answered in a low voice, pain ringing in it. “Her life is the only precious thing I really have. And I understand what you felt. I’ll hate myself for eternity for all the pain I caused to her. I promised I would never do something against her well-being again, although I’ve failed once more.”

“You haven’t hurt her now.”

I swallowed, nervous, but my mouth had dried suddenly. I couldn’t comprehend what Bel was thinking.

“I’m aware that you know what’s on her mind now,” V said after a pause. “And I’m glad that at least she has someone to share it, even if it’s not me. Maybe I haven’t won her trust as I should. Maybe I took it for granted.”

“Evey trusts you with her life,” Bel refuted absolutely. “It’s her trust in all of your facets that moved her through this war.”

“I don’t believe that. It was her own strength.”

“That’s what you saw from the outside, but I was with her all along, right by her side. And it definitely was a mix of those two things.”

There was a silence in which only the rocking of the swinging chair and the sounds of the night could be heard.

“She’s just going through a tough time,” Bel said, at last. “Sometimes one is not feeling alright completely. We are human and this is a type of life that we chose, yes, but a very stressing one.”

“You might be right… And I know you won’t betray her secrets but… I can’t help the feeling that something’s wrong in a different way. I’ve seen her bear the weight of the consequences of her role and she’s never been so… Subdued. It’s as if her light had vanished. It goes beyond what she feels for me or doesn’t. That’s what concerns me deeply.”

“Give her time. Give her time to gather the words. She loves you with all of her heart. You don’t have to suffer that she drops you. That will never happen. She’s just in a bad place mentally now. You have to be patient like she did when you were.”

V puffed softly. “You actually know everything, don’t you?” He sniggered sadly.

“Yes. I’m her best friend. I know all that’s important and more of those things that aren’t. It’s my job. And I care about her. That’s why I support your decision to try to follow her into the upper world when this war ends. She deserves to have a life, a normal and quiet life with the partner she’s chosen.”

“I’ll follow her to death if it was necessary. I’ll follow her wherever meanwhile she wants to. I don’t know how, but I’ll try with all of me to give her what she deserves.”

“And what if she wants a family? You know… Have children? Have you considered that?”

My heart skipped a beat and I almost felt like standing up and jumping off the balcony. Suddenly, my senses were sharpened by my friend’s words. I knew her enough to realize she had been directing the conversation to that point, to know what he thought. Devoid of air now, I waited for V to answer, nervous and afraid.

“I haven’t considered it,” he admitted with a thoughtful tone. “Although, I’m afraid I won’t be able to provide that if the day that she wants it arrives. I would do anything for her, but not that. It’d be a horrible idea.”

“Why?” Bel asked, clearly offended.

“Because of the simple fact that I’m not physically normal. What was done to me changed my DNA, and when a woman is pregnant, the foetus can trespass cells from the progenitor to the mother. My DNA is highly corrupted, and considering pregnancy is a whole hormonal cycle and what changed me is precisely that… I’m the only one that survived to Batch-5, for whatever reason. The other recluses died in horrible ways. I won’t put Evey in danger that way.”

“But… Do you think that’s really possible?”

“I don’t know for sure. It’s just medical theory,” he sighed. “What I know is that I’m not willing to find out at the cost of her life. The best that could happen is that our reproductive cells repelled each other if mine are operative. That could be a possibility as well.”

“And… What if not? What if everything turned out alright? Would you want it?”

“Why am I feeling I’m between a rock and a hard place? Are you going to make me disappear if I say I wouldn’t?”

“Absolutely.”

“Would you let me write a goodbye letter, at least?”

“So… You wouldn’t want it.”

“I’m afraid that would be the case, yes. I wouldn’t wish to bring a life that had the disgrace of having a progenitor like me.”

“That’s very wrong for different reasons, you know?”

“It’s the truth. I barely manage the paper of partner. I’m a man without memories. I don’t know childhood. I can’t provide what I don’t have.”

“I remember my childhood and it was a pretty shitty one. I lost my mother and my father hit me and used me. I was alone and sad. I had no one. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t give a happy childhood to my kids if I decide to have them in the future. You know love and know care. That’s enough to start.”

“Even if that’s a good premise… I don’t think I have the necessary qualities for that role. It doesn’t matter. It’s almost impossible that that outcome happens. I hope profoundly it doesn’t. Speaking of outcomes… There’s another thing that...”

I stood up and walked in again, uneasiness hitting my heart. I didn’t want to hear a single more thing. I had enough.

I laid down on my bed again, covering myself completely with the sheets, punched again by his scent lingering there. He didn’t want it. I assumed he wouldn’t, but hearing it from him was worse than I was ready to assume. I didn’t fear what he said, that that pregnancy could hurt me. I would carry that baby anyway. But it was hurtful to know I was alone in it. If I told him now, the discussion would be unavoidable. He might ask me to get rid of it before it could hurt me and I wouldn’t do such a thing. It was just an assumption, after all, and if he asked me to stop the pregnancy… I didn’t think I could bear it. At that very moment, I was trying to find him again in the darkness of my mind and his words had made me sink into it a little bit more. If he told me something like that, it would destroy me completely. But I didn’t want to do that alone. It was horrible to think he wouldn’t support me on it.

The next morning, I woke up and just found Jeremy, Aiden and Maria around the house. Bel and V where nowhere to be seen, but left a note that they had gone out for supplies for that night. They returned when we were in the middle of breakfast, carrying a lot of things. V kept his distance, getting into the study right away with Jeremy and Maria to get some work done. I stayed with Bel at the kitchen after she sent Aiden upstairs to sleep more for that night. She talked to me about the conversation she had with V last night and I told her I had heard some of it. Bel panicked a little and seemed very interested in knowing exactly how much I had heard, relieved at my response, which made me think V had said something even worse when I stopped listening. I guess I deserved it for listening to other people’s conversations.

Bel asked me if I wanted to go on even after knowing what could happen to me and I told her that I still did. V could be right, but he could be mistaken too. I wanted to keep my faith on that last side. She also reassured me in what he said, telling me she was sure he would react better than I thought when he knew about it. It was surprising that she defended V in that matter, considering he was just inexperienced.

“I thought you would kill him,” I told her.

“I haven’t because I think he’s just… Scared, maybe? When he talks about himself, is as if he was some kind of demon. I didn’t inertly understand in what he said that he doesn’t want the thing per se. It’s just poor self-esteem what I heard.”

“Either way, I’m alone in this.”

“You won’t be. You’ll see.”

I didn’t dare to keep talking about that. My heart felt completely hollow by then. I thought another hit would break it into pieces at last.

The day passed with a calmness in which lingered an excitement I couldn’t feel. I wished hard to be as happy as my friends, to feel exactly how I felt when Jeremy told me he was engaged. I wanted to feel genuinely, whatever the feeling was. After three weeks, I hadn’t even gathered enough energy to cry. My lungs still felt heavy, but my eyes were constantly blocking the tears.

When night fell, I just wanted to lay down on my bed and close my eyes. However, I showered, fixed my hair and put on the dress that Bel had gotten me. She had picked a tight red dress as if the colour gave a bit of life to my constant gloomy expression.

V got inside the room when I had just put it on and was trying to figure out in front of the bathroom’s mirror how to raise the zipper of the back. He stopped at the doorway, looking at me.

“Aiden has asked me to tell you we’re getting out in ten minutes,” V said in a faint tone.

I nodded. “Can you help me with the zipper, please?” I asked him, holding my hair aside.

V approached me, tentatively, and grabbed the zipper, pushing it up slowly. I felt the warmness of his hands near my skin and, instantly, I felt the slight resuming of the heat I always felt when he was close. At least, before. Now my heart accelerated a bit and goosebumps appeared on my skin. It was something, but not as strong as the other times.

I looked at him, who didn’t leave the zipper right away, even after pushing it up and being my dress zipped.

“You’re utterly beautiful right now, Evey,” he muttered, sadness filling his voice.

I turned around, trapping myself between his body and the sink. “I look like a Sant Valentine’s present,” I said, smiling slightly.

He stayed silent and held my gaze, barely breathing. I backed on the edge of the sink, a sudden uneasiness kicking me on the stomach as my smile faded. We were so close, closer than we had even been in the whole week, and even so, he felt ten feet away. Every time I looked at him, another wall had been built between us. As the more things I knew, farther away from V I felt. And, for the first time, I sensed I was screaming internally for his help, for him to reach me, to soothe my doubts and stay by my side. I needed for him to come to me and hold my soul.

“What?” I whispered, noticing he was looking down now, at the brief space between us. “Are you worried about tonight?”

“No.”

“Nervous, then? It’s your first time attending a wedding. Even if it’s a clandestine one,” I tilted my head.

“Everything, since I met you, has been a success of first times,” he admitted with tone dyed with raw despair.

The painful thought of how much that was true hit my memory, making me recall displeasing images unintentionally. I clenched my jaw, turning around and looking myself in the mirror. I looked like a wreck, a wreck slithered into a pretty dress and a hidden under a façade of makeup base and red lipstick.

“We should go downstairs already,” I muttered.

He nodded and stepped away from me, getting out of the bathroom. I backed my hands on the sink, lowering my head and letting out a shuddering pant. I screamed inside, blaming myself for not being able to talk, to reach him. I didn’t even gather the words to scream at him, to be mad because he wouldn’t back me on my decision to have that baby. I wanted him, I wanted his love and his wrongs. I wanted to stop those shouts in my head. But I couldn’t.

I got out of the bathroom, putting on a pair of red heels and walked downstairs. At the door, both of our friends were waiting, Jeremy in a black suit and Aiden in a blue one, looking at each other lovingly. V was waiting near the window, giving them space. When I appeared, they both complimented me and I cracked a smile convincing enough. We walked out of the house and Aiden and Jeremy got on his bike, while V and I used the quad. We asked them to go first, so V could leave the mask for a moment and put on the helmet. After that, he sat behind me, hugging my body hesitantly. I felt the warmness of my touch triggering the heat on my face and his body against my back awakening a series of shivers. As it seemed, my body refused to be mad or sad just as my mind was.

I drove to the village, parking under the bridge I had been with Bel a week ago, which was near the church. Jeremy and Aiden were there, waiting for us, and then we all made our way to the building. We found that the rear door of the church, that gave to a little wood, was open, with Maria holding it for us, making guard, a Polaroid hanging from her neck.

The church was little and intimate, with barely seven rows of benches and a few huge windows that let the moonlight in. The altar was simple, with a golden chapel with a Virgin Mary and a table before it. Maria introduced us our partner in crime for the night. His name was Adam, a very young priest indeed, barely reaching his thirties. He was brunette and had a bright smile that radiated complicity and happiness. Adam politely greeted all of us, including V, for who professed high admiration. After that, we split, Maria and Bel standing on Aiden’s side and V and I on Jeremy’s, and the ceremony began.

We listened to Adam’s sermon as we witnessed how Jeremy and Aiden gave little glances full of love to each other. Bel started to cry soon into the ceremony, while Maria started to take photos to commemorate the moment. I just stared, trying to not lose detail, wanting to remember that little victory of love over war and pain the best I could. People had to die and suffer for their love for decades and they still did. However, I couldn’t feel bad for my friends, for being obliged to marry in secret and in a way that wasn’t totally official, because they seemed genuinely happy. They were there, together, two souls as one, and nothing else mattered.

When they shared their rings and Adam declared them married and they kissed, we joined them at the altar to hug them and rejoice in their love. After saying goodbye to Adam, we returned to the White Meadow to have a little party to celebrate.

Maria got out the alcohol right away and Bel set the karaoke.

“What do you want, Evey?” Maria asked me, preparing something with vodka already.

“Nothing,” I said, knowing I couldn’t.

“Come on! Are you serious?”

“Yes,” I sniggered.

“Where’s our party girl, huh? We’re celebrating a wedding, for fuck’s sake!” She exclaimed, outraged, handing me the cup she had prepared.

I put my hands before me, pushing it away. “For real. I don’t feel like it.”

“Mine!” Bel appeared from behind her, stealing the cup and drinking, saving me.

“Hey!”

I shook my head, sitting on the bar next to V, putting some apple juice on a cup. I took a sip, turning abruptly towards the tele as Total Eclipse of the Heart stated to sound and Maria screeched to join Jeremy and Aiden on the karaoke. I laughed as they started to sing, looking at them with amusement.

“I guess this is very different from the Wurlitzer,” I said to V. “I hope your ears aren’t suffering much. I’m used to it already.”

“You can join them if you please.”

“It’s funnier to see them from here.”

“Oh, no!” Bel appeared at our side. “You are going to sing with me! One, at least.”

“Nope,” I laughed.

“You will or I’m getting into your room to screech Henry the Eight I Am tonight. That’s a promise,” she warned me, pointing me with a threatening finger.

“Don’t let her do that,” V added, sounding a bit desperate at the reference after having seen Ghost.

“See?” She crossed her arms, arching an eyebrow. “Even he is with me.”

I sighed, tilting my head. “Alright.”

I had sung with them in karaoke before and I knew they always made the same embarrassing choices. Bel was the worst and, honouring her fame, she made me sing Like a Virgin as if I wasn’t embarrassed enough. However, I felt better for a while, as I sang that duet with her, feeling a bit like the old times. Attached to that sensation, I let her drag me into another song. And then into dancing. They tried to drag V into it too, but he refused politely.

Maria had been taking photos all night and insisted on taking one of me and V. She pushed us together, and I looked at him, a bit startled, and I sensed he was too. He stood up from the stool and I passed an arm around him, glueing our bodies together.

Maria grunted. “What is he? Your brother?” She mocked me, already having lost all filter after four glasses. I wasn’t even sure she could hold the Polaroid right.

I rolled my eyes, sighing, and raised my gaze to him. I didn’t think much. I took my hand to the cheek of his mask and rose on my tiptoes, placing a kiss over the enamelled lips. When I sensed the flash on us, I backed away, looking at him, suddenly without air on my lungs and my chest tingling.

I cleared my throat and took my hands away from him as Maria approached us, shaking the photo and handing it to me. I glanced at it, observing as the image appeared. She had done a good one. We looked fine in it. Having a photo of me and V somehow felt like a treasure. We didn’t have anything like that. However, that feeling just lasted for a moment before displeasing reminders returned and I cursed internally. I had no break. No relief. No memory that wasn’t now tinted with sorrow.

After that, I excused myself, wanting to retire to my room already, my party mood totally vanished. My friends tried to keep me there, but I insisted. As I walked upstairs, as I took every step, my brief joy diluted completely. Once in the room, I left the photo on the nightstand and got into the bathroom to remove my make-up. Then, I sat on the edge of the bed, facing the windows, taking my heels off and sighing deeply, closing my eyes.

When the door opened again, I jumped a bit, startled. I turned around, finding V as he closed it once more, entering.

“You could’ve stayed more,” I said in a low voice as he walked in.

“I wasn’t participating much after all,” he answered, walking towards the dresser.

He gave his back to me, taking off his gloves and starting to unbutton his shirt. He put both on a drawer and then turned around, backing against it and silently staring at me.

“May I ask you something, Evey?” He questioned me, full of hesitation.

I took a deep breath, suddenly unsure about his behaviour. “Sure.”

“Do you still love me?”

His question hit me hard, unexpected as it was, and left me breathless. I stared at him in absolute disbelief, which slowly curled into shame. I knew I was hurting him. I knew his thoughts would turn in that direction sooner or later. It wasn’t a surprise, actually.

“Of course, I do,” I said as fast as my mind got out of the shock.

V sighed, his mask lowering, gaze dropping to the floor. He came closer, taking careful steps until he was before me.

“Since I’m here, I can’t help the feeling that you don’t, not anymore,” he admitted with roughness, pain filtering inside his voice. “Not in the way you did before, at least.”

“No, V…” I looked at him, raising my sad gaze. “I love you, in the same way.”

He kneeled down before me, placing a hand over my thigh, reaching for my mine and interlacing our fingers.

“Then I guess I’ve lost your trust, somehow,” he declared, speaking roughly as if his words cut his throat. “Before… I had the sensation that you were open with me, that you put up a fight to the things I did you disliked, that you expressed yourself even if it was painful or hard. But since I’m here, you’ve absolutely closed to me.”

“V…” I sighed tiredly.

“No, please,” he begged, tensing up. “Let me talk. I’m not going to ask you about it again. I promise.”

I deflated, feeling how his hand burned over my dress, and kept quiet. V let out a sigh, his head lowering for a moment.

“Since the start, you’ve renounced more for this than I have. You’ve given me all: time, love, care, peace… And I felt I’ve just given you neglect and pain. Maybe this was what you needed for your patience to be over, for your resilience to waver. And it’s my fault because I should’ve been less afraid to give myself to you. I should have realized there was nothing to be afraid of. I haven’t committed as I should and I want to ask your forgiveness if you accept it.”

I was about to deny what he had said, what he was thinking when he showed me his left hand, in which there was a silver ring held by his fingers delicately. My words died on my tongue at the very instant.

“The only moments I’ve seen you more alive this past week has been when the wedding has been brought up. And it made me think… It made me think of how much you’ve had to renounce because you met me. You say you didn’t have plans, but you had possibilities to make plans. I know that’s not possible with me now but… I want you to know that I will follow you, Evey, wherever you go when this war ends, as long as you want me near. I want to become just a man. Probably, I’ll never be as good as you really deserve, but I promised I wouldn’t object your choosing and I won’t. I’m grateful for receiving the blessing that you are and I want to love you for a lifetime if you let me.”

He held my right hand in his, putting the ring on my heart finger with supreme gentleness. I witnessed it, not believing what was happening.

“I don’t believe any man on this Earth can bond me to you in the name of the Lord. My soul has been bonded to yours since the very moment I laid my eyes on you. You are everything. You are my alpha and my omega; the air of my lungs, the path I walk by and the rain that soothes the fire in my soul. You are all I want and desire. And I give you this ring as a reminder of the love I profess to you and that I’m yours, completely, deeply, and eternally.”

My heart started to beat crazily, warming my body. I looked at the silvery ring, examining it with my eyes watering, sensing the warmness of it.

“When I was going through a difficult moment, you reached for me. You gave me time and patience. And I want to return that to you. I won’t ask. I will wait for you to talk to me about whatever you are going through and if you don’t, I will be just here, with you. But it wouldn’t be fair to ask for your openness when I’m not totally open. I know I can’t win your trust back if I’m not. And I don’t want more barriers between us, Evey. I’m knocking mine down tonight. All of them.”

“What do you mean?” I asked in a faint whisper.

He took a deep breath, taking his hands away from me. When he rose one of them to his head, I noticed he was shaking. Before I could react, he took off his wig, leaving it on the floor. Breathless, I saw how he took his fingers to the straps of his mask, untying them. When they got loose, he held the mask still in its place with a hand and an absolute silence fell between us.

When the mask lowered, taken away by his hand, it revealed the man that had been hiding from me for two years, the persona that had been conveying falling away. A pair of blue eyes full of fear met mine, waiting for a reaction, contrasting furiously with the fire on his skin. Realizing what had happened, I rose my hands, cupping his cheeks, sensing his face under my palms. He closed his eyes, furrowing with fear, and my first tears fell down my face.

For two years I had wanted to see the face of the man I loved, to touch him and see his real eyes. I feared, after what happened, that that moment of truth had been stolen from us. However, even if I knew the shape of his features, and the colour of his gaze, I felt as if that moment was occurring the right way.

The fire hadn’t taken away the ethereal hint of his features. There was something heavenly in the ocean that were his eyes, even if the suffering of the years had hardened them. His jawline was just as defined and the shape of his nose and cheeks as soft. His ears had suffered the worst part, eaten away a little bit on the cartilage. And his lips, slightly confused on the edges with the rest of his skin, conserved their shape, their softness. His skin was similar as the rest of his body, creating patterns of red and white scars.

V was barely breathing, clearly suffering before my silence, not being able to even look at me. But I was fascinated. I was seeing his expression, at last. I could read on his face what he felt, how and when.

“I told you,” I muttered, sniggering. “You are beautiful.”

He opened his eyes, fixing them on mine again, and the water in his iris hit me so hard that my own gaze flooded. He took a deep breath, a shuddering one, and I saw how his mouth slightly opened at the urge to say something.

“I’m not,” he whispered.

I let out a little breathy laugh, delighted to see how his lips moved as he talked. I caressed his cheeks with my thumbs, feeling the texture of his scars, the heat of his face under my fingertips.

“God… You are,” I breathed out. “Absolutely.”

“You…” His expression softened, changing into sorrow. “Aren’t you disgusted?”

I wanted to answer right away, but when he talked again, I felt I was out of words.

“Of course not,” I managed to say, furrowing, speaking softly. “I was sure it wasn’t that bad. Not to my eyes, at least.”

He tried to look down again but I held his face, obliging him to keep it on mine. I didn’t want to stop staring at him. I examined his features, every line of expression, every curve and hint. V kept absolutely quiet, his eyes watering slightly as he observed me back.

I saw the emotion in them, the deep suffering and the infinite love for me. There was no more wonder or concealing; before me I had all the answers. V had left down the last barrier, the one that kept him somehow hidden. He had put down the last part of his persona, offering himself to me just as the man that was under the mask, getting through his fears and doubts. He was showing me openly how scared he was of doing this, just because he was trying to reach my lost soul, break the cage I was in.

And it broke. For three weeks, I had been in a cell again. But the softness of his gaze had destroyed it, leaving me in the open again, feeling as if the air had got into my lungs for the first time, burning, hurting, just for a second. At the next instant, I felt the urge to breathe, deprived of something that I needed as much as the oxygen, something I hadn’t been able to have inside that cage.

I threw myself to him, to the floor, kneeling before him and capturing his lips without a doubt. He caught me right away, encircling my body and letting out a muffled cry when my lips parted his, deepening into the kiss with raw desperation. I kissed him hard, clumsily, feeling like every second of his warm breath unfroze a little bit more my cooled body. He pressed me more against his body, heating fast, moaning and huffing as my tongue found his.

I pushed him down, holding his head, and pressing him against the floor. I pulled away from the kiss, feeling the need to discover his expression, that one I had died to know. He had his wet lips parted, deprived of mine, and his blue eyes shone with the collision of disbelief, but his pupils were expanding with desire. His forehead furrowed slightly at the moment, the lines of his expression drawing some desperation, and he let out a soft pant. My heart ached at the particular beauty of the man under me and I felt dragged down to his lips as if we were two magnets.

He rose his hands to my hair, intertwining his desperate fingers with my curls, his breath turning so ragged I wasn’t sure he was breathing. I took my trembling hands to the edge of his compression shirt, backing away to free him from it. He opened his eyes instantly, two big pupils hitting me, as he arched up to allow me to peel it off. When I had his trunk bare before me, I pushed him down again, him obliging with a soft whimper, placing my hands over him without waiting a single second. He moaned openly at the touch of my fingers, passing fast over his muscles as I bent down to kiss him again.

My soul as much as my body felt as if waking from a long night full of terrors and falling on a warm lake, refreshing and reassuring. I was recovering my senses and feelings at every touch of his hands. And I didn’t want that he let me go. My body was trembling as if he was the water and the air that I had been searching for after walking miles through the desert. He was where I wanted to be. I was home again. I felt completely safe. I wanted to heal under his kisses. I wanted to breathe him in and feel the rush of love he always made me feel. I needed for him to break that wall I had before me.

V grabbed me, moving both of us until we were on our feet again. He didn’t leave my lips unattended, kissing me with an eagerness that had grown all of a sudden, and his hands travelled to my back, unzipping the dress fast. I took it off, wrestling with its tightness as he reached the clasp of my bra, undoing it before I could get out of the dress. I had to back away from his lips for a second, gasping, starting to tremble at the intense way in which he was staring at me. I couldn’t believe that was what I had been losing every time we had been intimate. The blueness in his gaze had turned darker, filled with a crushing passion, a need that had as much of love as destruction. He seemed about to consume me, to lose himself in me, bury his soul into mine until we were one. Gasping, shaking by the huge desire for him to convey what he had inside, I reached for him again, grabbing the edge of his trousers and pulling him to me, to my mouth. I unzipped them and he pushed me up, resting me on the mattress.

I rose a bit to look at him, sensing the desperation on my features as I pleaded him silently to hurry. His intense eyes met me among the dark as he took off both of the layers that covered him at the same time. Breathless, I observed how the moonlight hit him from behind, obscuring his silhouette and caressing softly the lines of his body. Once free, he crawled across the bed to me, hovering over my body, placing himself between my legs. For a second, he just looked at me, and I saw how his lust tingled with warm emotion, but then my hand found his hard length, and with the first stroke the feeling in his expression changed again. I moaned at the same time that he did, destroyed by the pleasure that was shown in his expression. He furrowed deeply, his eyes closing hard and his lips opening more. Intoxicated with the sound he was producing, I stroked him harder, delighting by his desperate cries, observing how his features hardened more, how his arms trembled at every movement of my hand.

V stopped me then, gasping and stilling my hand, taking it away, half opening his lids. He seemed self-conscious for an instant as if realizing that he really didn’t have the mask on, and a bit of terror reached the shone in his stare. However, I arched up, placing my hands on his nape and pulling down to a kiss. He dropped his mouth to my neck, tracing a line of eager kisses, giving me gentle bites that made my nerves explode, leaving me unable to move, shaking and whimpering. He continued lowering to my breasts, but before he could go down more, I trapped his face, forcing him to face me, hit by an unbearable desperation. I couldn’t suffer a moment more of that feeling. I needed him.

“Take me already,” I begged.

He gasped, going up again, giving me a glance of desire. He reached for his length right away and entered me slowly, trying to be careful, but I pushed myself against him, taking him fast to the hilt. V cried out, shutting his lids hard, trying with all of him to keep backed on his palms. I held onto his back, almost digging my nails on his flesh, not being able to open my eyes for the first moments as he started to move, getting in and out of me with a relaxed pace. I felt pushed down by a powerful force, as if somebody had punched me on my chest and I couldn’t breathe. My nose and eyes started to burn with the feeling of my tears, urging to form and fall. He was there. At last, we both were. I could feel his heat and his scent and I could feel the energy to break, to scream his name and receive his love.

I gazed at him, finding his features full of raw pleasure and eyes of endless adoration, starting to water as he looked at me. He backed on his forearms, lowering, trapping my face hard between his hands and kissing me as his hips moved faster. V grunted inside my mouth, not being able to keep his lips on mine for much, carried away by the moment. Pressing his forehead against mine and closing his eyes, he started to cry out, dropping a hand to my leg to hold me better, gripping my thigh tightly. I lost myself in him, in the pleasure, powerless, feeling him deep into me, tearing me apart a bit more at every second. I let him set me on fire, completely, burning the wood of despair in my spirit. I let him found me between cries and moans of pleasure, find the woman that fell in love with him, the one that carried him inside her soul and wanted to follow him to the graveyard. I let him conquer my body until the one that found him before that fireplace returned. And when he reached his climax, shouting my name and trembling, I felt his light had touched me at last.

V kept his body over mine, resisting backed on his shaking arms, panting roughly and looking at me with dilatated pupils, reflecting the emotiveness that his body had tried to convey on mine. After a few moments, he got out of me, tearing a hiss from both of us, and laid down, by my side, hugging me closer to his body. He landed a gentle hand on my cheek, approaching me to a breathless kiss, to back away instantly, not taking his stare away from mine.

And, then, he smiled. He threw a whole smile at me, a perfect one, shiny and full of happiness, vibrating with a soft laugh. He was smiling, laughing with vulnerability and relief, still afraid but freed from the doubt that I didn’t love him anymore. He was feeling at ease with me back on his arms.

The last thin barrier broke, shattering into pieces, at the memory of his younger self, and my concealing fell down completely. I saw the terror in his eyes at the same time my eyes filled with tears, a second before I burst into tears. At last.

I wanted to cry for weeks. I wanted to scream and talk. I needed to. But I couldn’t. And now he had found me in that invisible darkness I had been trapped in, recovering my true feelings, even if they were broken. I was there again, shattered and with too many tears too shed, but I was there.

“Evey,” he gasped roughly as I hid behind my hands. “Evey, what is it?”

“I’m sorry,” I cried.

“What?” He dropped his hand to my shoulder, pulling me away a bit, probably to look at me better. “Why are you saying this?”

“I’m sorry,” I stuttered, starting to tremble. “I’m a liar. I lied to you. I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean?” He muttered, sharp panic dyeing his question.

I cried more, not being able to say it just then. All my feelings were overflowing at once and I couldn’t stop them. I wanted to cry for all those weeks I had been trying to feel something, to rip the pain from my chest, his screams of pain from my mind. I needed to vent for hurting him and not being able to stop it, imprisoned by my harmed soul. I had to cry because at last, I could.

“Evey. God…” He begged in a raw tone, radiating deep desperation, his fingers tightening on my shoulder. “I know I said I wouldn’t ask but… Please, talk to me. You are scaring me.”

“It wasn’t true,” I said, my voice shaking, a bit muffled by my hands.

“What wasn’t true?”

“Something more happened at the meeting.”

He moved fast at my words, taking my hands away from my face to make me look at him. The deep concern and frighten in his eyes made me whimper, and I tried to cover myself again, but he didn’t let me.

“What happened?” He whispered, so roughly I almost didn’t hear him.

“I had…” I started, but I didn’t know how to continue. “I had to do something to free Aiden.”

I knew my choice of words hadn’t been the best by how his pupils shrunk in fear. “What did you…?” He began, his lips trembling slightly, but his words died before the question ended.

I sniffled. “One of their minions took me to a room with a tele and a table with an envelope,” I tried to explain with my voice breaking. “I refused to collaborate, but he didn’t use violence on me. He just took a few photos and showed them to me. He started to talk about the boy in them and then… He started to show me homemade tapes of him on the tele. At first, I didn’t know what all that was but then… Then, then he laughed in one and… I knew it. I knew he was you, you before Larkhill. But he played the video again and…”

I couldn’t continue. My tears returned, blurring my vision and not letting me see him clearly. I closed them, letting them fall, sensing the echo of his screams again. V rose his hand to my cheek, cupping it. He was trembling and I whimpered again.

“You didn’t prepare me for this, V,” I cried brokenly. “You prepared me against my suffering, but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. I’d have rather be tortured physically. I’d have rather being killed. They locked me in that room for hours with that. I hear it every time I close my eyes. I can’t bear it…”

“What was it?” V asked, barely, breaking as much as I was.

I broke down again, turning around and curling, shaking my head slightly. “They had filmed hours and hours of you… Of you being tortured at Larkhill… And they left me there with that at full volume, chained. I… It’s my fault… I’m sorry…”

He didn’t say a thing. He let me cry, laying down by my side and hugging me from behind. I sensed the tension on his muscles as he did, the fury contained, shaking his core. And when I realized it, I turned around, finding it indeed in his eyes. He was clenching his jaw, containing the fury that burned in his pupils, showing a raw suffering that awoke all my fears.

“No, V…” I muttered, desperate, cupping his cheek. “I know what you are thinking, and no. This is what they want. They want you to go after them. They want to take you away from me.”

He puffed angrily, taking his gaze away from mine, but I held his face between both of my hands, making him look at me.

“Don’t,” I begged. “Don’t leave me. Don’t let me go. Please… Stay with me. I need you now.”

He clenched his jaw more, closing my eyes. A single word came from his mouth, but he hugged me tighter, hiding my face under his neck and I wanted to believe that that had been enough of an answer. I held hard onto his back, as if trying to contain him against me, and cried until, at some point, the tiredness won over me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, again! <3
> 
> Here we go again with the drama! I have the definitive recount of chapters and, aside from this one, there's four more left until I open the second work of this series. I'm also thinking of doing a retelling of this first part from V's POV, but I'm giving it a though still. I just feel like his thoughts are very interesting and a lot has happened to him internally that can't be seen through Evey's eyes. I don't know, what do you think? Would you be interested in it? 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I guess I'll be back through this week with the next one! Thank you so much to those who commented and left kudos! <3 You are awesome!
> 
> The playlists are updated already. You can find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/)! <3
> 
> See you soon! xx


	15. I will wander 'til the end of time torn away from you

A warm breeze caressed my cheek and my hairline, immersing in my curls as I opened my eyes. A sigh escaped me when the faint sunlight blinded me and I sensed the tiredness of my chest after crying last night. Kicked by the memories, I turned around on the bed, finding his spot completely empty.

Alarmed by the lack of his presence, I reclined over the mattress, looking around, about to jump off in search of him. However, soon I caught the glimpse of the windows open and his silhouette contrasted by the breaking dawn’s light. V was sat on the table at the balcony.

I sighed in relief, closing my eyes for a moment to swallow down the brief fear. After recovering, I pushed the sheets aside and stood up, approaching the drawer to grab my gown and put it on.

Nervous, I walked to the balcony, hugging myself and stopped before him. A stabbing pain crossed my heart at the sight of him, wearing his mask and wig again, wondering if it was just because he still felt self-conscious without it or because of the knowledge that now I could compare him with how he was before.

He didn’t look at me; his gaze continued fixed on the fields. The only reaction from him at my presence I noticed was a deep exhale, so soft it didn’t even produce a sound.

“Are you mad at me?” I murmured, starting to think that was the reason for his silence.

“No,” he answered after a brief silence, with a voice so unusually rough that it made me shiver.

I clenched my jaw, looking down, uncomfortable. I felt freed after telling him, after being able to set my feelings free. The wounds were still open, but at least I didn’t feel as if I had a rock over me all the time. My fear now was that that rock had been passed to him.

“Why do you have the mask on? It’s just the two of us here,” I muttered softly, not being able to hide the disappointment.

“I’m afraid I’m not feeling brave enough to be without it, not now.”

“Because I know how you looked before?” I said.

His breath hitched and he rose his eyes, once more concealed. My soul broke and I approached him. I wasn’t willing to let him fall on a dark place again. I placed my hands softly on the cheeks of the mask and then grabbed the wig, pulling it off and leaving it over the table. V breathed out with roughness but didn’t stop me. I untied the straps, casting the mask aside as well, our eyes meeting right away. The tiredness was fixed on his features, but his gaze had a hint of redness and, inside his pupils, sorrow and deep regret. I knew at the very second that he had been crying at some point of the night, once I had fallen asleep.

V looked down, trying to hide somehow, but I continued cupping his face, keeping his head up. I leaned down, pressing my lips softly against his, caressing his cheeks softly with my thumbs. He was very quiet at first but returned it eventually. When I pulled back, I kept close, fixing my eyes on his, already watering.

“You don’t need to hide anymore,” I whispered. “Don’t think of anything else.”

“I can’t,” he answered in a low voice, full of pain.

“I don’t mind,” I stated, a bit roughly. “I don’t mind to know. I’m not comparing. I haven’t done it, not even once,” I grabbed his face harder, obliging him to look at me. “Hear me out: I love you like this. You are beautiful to me like this.”

He sighed, closing his lids hard, furrowing slightly. “It’s not just that, Evey,” he whispered.

I let him go and he opened his eyes, avoiding mine right away. He pressed his lips slightly and I saw the tension growing in his features as he clenched his jaw.

“I’ve been extremely unmindful about you. I knew they were searching for you. I should have been the one to come here. I shouldn’t have allowed that you went to London again, let alone on your own.”

I let myself fall on the chair before him, approaching it more to him until our knees touched.

“I was so frightened by the idea of you being harmed because of me… And it ended up becoming real. And I’m the only one responsible for it. You’ve been suffering for weeks and I haven’t been able to see the signs,” he stated roughly, clenching his fists. “Evey time I think what you might have seen… I’ve been able to bear that you read it, but this is… This is insufferable.”

“Yes, it was,” I answered, feeling his pain in my heart. “But you helped me to get out of it. It was unbearable until you reached for me last night. The only way that what we both have gone through has some worth is not giving them what they want. They want for you to get revenge for me, so just don’t. Let’s continue with the plan. Let’s fight together. Keep by my side.”

He looked at me with a strange shine in his eyes, his jaw clenching more. However, he just gave me a nod, taking his gaze away once more.

“I need to know exactly what you saw. What you know,” he said after a brief pause.

“I don’t think it’s necessary,” I sighed sadly. “And, honestly, I don’t think we have to revisit something we both already know.”

“I’m not talking about the,” he breathed in, tension taking over his features again, “torture tapes. I want to know what they told you. Everything.”

I needed a moment to process what he was saying, thinking at first that I was misinterpreting his words. “Your past?” I muttered, needing confirmation when my head started to burn in confusion.

“Yes.”

“But…” I stuttered, even more confused. “I thought you didn’t want to know.”

“No. I didn’t want to know, but that was before you went through hell for the existence of that information.”

“It’s not related to our plans,” I explained, reluctant to break his former desire. “Your past life was used as a starter before the other recordings. But you can continue living without knowing. I can assure you.”

He breathed in, turning to me again, and I saw the darkness increasing in his features as the silence prolonged. The sweetness of last night had completely vanished, leaving just torture in his features.

“I won’t be able to go through this life knowing you’ve been harmed by a past I can’t even remember. If I can split that burden somehow, I want to do it.”

His words hit me deep and I knew I wouldn’t be able to deny him information after that. Taking a deep breath, I stood up and started to walk away.

“Evey,” he called after me, half standing up.

I turned around right away, facing the increasing pain in his expression. “I’ll be back in a second,” I assured fast, slightly alarmed for his misinterpretation. “I’m going to get something.”

V furrowed, dropping on the chair again. Feeling my heart heavy, I walked inside again and crouched down near the bed. I rose the parquet and got out the envelope, returning to him, who was looking at my direction, clearly unsettled. Even if it pained me to see his expressions full of sorrow, I was still marvelled to contemplate his vast expressiveness. It wasn’t a surprise that he was so expressive, after all.

I sat down on the chair in front of him again, holding the envelope close to me, not daring to give it to him just yet. His pupils shrunk at the very moment he laid his eyes on it, probably realizing what it was.

“They let me keep it,” I muttered.

“And you’ve been hiding it under the floor,” he barely said, raising his eyes to me, filled with disbelief.

I nodded, sighing, and handed the envelope to him. He opened it right away, starting to get things out.

“Your name was Victor Garber,” I started, unsure. “You were born in London, thirty-eight years ago. You were the second son of a countable with Jewish ancestry and a university teacher with revolutionary tendencies. Your sister was three years older than you. Her name was Allana. Your father died of cancer when you were little and your mother was raped and killed returning home when you were a teen, probably as a payback for the issues she brought up in her classes. You had a strong bond with her, I think. You attended her classes, even if you weren’t a college student yet. I saw… I saw a video of your fifteenth birthday. She got you a book of Shakespeare sonnets and an anarchist essay. When she died, Allana took care of you and you joined a rebel group. You were imprisoned after attending a riot and she disappeared that very night. You were just seventeen.”

He had been looking through the papers and the photos, suddenly expressionless. When I finished my explanation, I started to get anxious, just staring at him with his forgotten life in his hands. After having seen everything, now left over the table, he discovered the USB at the bottom of the envelope. He took it out and glanced at me.

“What is this?” V asked me, instantly knowing for my face what that little thing concealed.

The sudden regret of not destroying it burned inside me at the sight of it in his hands. I didn’t think he would leave it aside, unseen, and I couldn’t bear to imagine that he had to revive again those memories so vividly. I was getting nauseous just by picturing it.

“The Larkhill videos,” I muttered, deeply hesitant.

His body grew tense and he bent to me a little, struck by raw disbelief and fury. “They gave them to you?” He roared.

Not trusting my voice, I just gave him a simple nod. His gaze turned narrow with rage, giving me a strong shiver.

“I should’ve destroyed it when I returned here,” I whispered, regretful. “There’s no point in keeping them.”

However, when I saw how he started to look at it, I realized that giving them to me had a strong reason. I stole it from his hand right away, standing up, a step away. V looked up, startled, his momentary rage gone.

“Don’t even think of watching them,” I stated. “You lived it. That’s enough. They want to fuel your rage, even more, expecting that you know exactly what I saw.”

I put it on the floor and grabbed the chair.

“Evey, wait!” He exclaimed.

The USB was crushed by the leg of the chair before he could do something about it. After that, I sat on the chair again.

“It could have had…” he started.

“Encrypted information?” I continued for him. “No. Jeremy looked for it and there was nothing except the video archives.”

V sighed deeply, deflating against the back of his chair, furrowing. “Did he saw the videos?” He asked in a low voice.

I pressed my lips on a thin line, knowing he wouldn’t be alright with it, but after three weeks of keeping things from him, I didn’t want to keep anything else.

“Yes. And Maria and Bel too,” I admitted.

He grunted, closing his eyes tight and driving his hand to his face, covering his expression for a few seconds. Then, when he uncovered himself, there was despair written all over his features.

“They wanted to know what had happened to me,” I explained, trying to soothe his feelings. “I just was able to talk with Bel about it, briefly after we arrived, and shut about it from then on. And I saved a lot of details so… When they inspected the USB, they looked at them. I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” he sighed, but his voice didn’t sound convincing at all.

He grabbed one of the photos and looked at it. I couldn’t help a pang of sorrow at the sight, knowing he was seeing himself for the first time at that moment. He didn’t remember how he was before being imprisoned and altered. He didn’t even remember how his own hair was or his body before being an experiment.

“What do you think?” I said when I started to get anxious again.

“Nothing specifically,” he answered, putting the photo down. “All this is just as foreign as it was before. If I didn’t recognize myself in these photographs, they would be totally alien to me.”

“What do you think that happened to Allana?” I muttered.

“In the worst-case scenario, she was captured. In the best, she hid somewhere.”

“Then, she might be alive.”

“It’s a possibility, yes.”

I sighed, swallowing down the proposition of searching her, foreseeing he would refuse it. Even if he knew who he was before, nothing in his determination had changed, clearly.

Trying to evade the issue, I grabbed his certificate of birth, looking at the date. “Well… Definitely, your destiny was paved,” I glanced up to him once more. “You were born on the Fifth of November.”

“There are no coincidences,” he muttered.

My heart skipped a beat, realizing it was the first time I was seeing him pronounce those words without barrier. It made my heart tingle and my face burn, but I tried to soothe the sensation, knowing it was not the time to be flustered.

“You’re just eleven years older than me,” I said, leaving the paper on the table again. “You’re turning thirty-eight this year.”

“Does that matter to you?” V said with a flat tone.

“Maybe. It’s not bad to know, I guess.”

He sighed, grabbing his mask and wig and putting it on. I looked at him questioningly as he returned everything to the envelope. V stared at me then, motionless for a second, right before returning it to me.

“I leave this in your hands. Do whatever you want with it,” he said with a strange voice.

I grabbed it, hesitant, not knowing what was going through his mind, afraid that wasn’t anything good. He started to walk towards the room and my alarms rang internally.

“Where are you going?” I asked, making him stop on his tracks.

He turned to me, bending over a bit. “Downstairs. I hope to find a way to the heads of New England today, end this war once and for all. It’s the only way I can do something about all this.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed, his head lowering. “I won’t act as they expect. You’re right in your assumptions. I’ll comply with my promise to you and I’ll stay by your side. So, the only thing I have left is trying to turn this page in our lives definitely.”

The silence fell between us and V walked away, leaving me alone at the balcony, unsettled by the feelings boiling secretly in his heart.

The following week my fears seemed to be sounder than ever. He didn’t mention ever again what had happened to me or the things we both knew now. He focused completely on the search of an intern, along with Jeremy. Bel, Maria and I weren’t as familiarised with hacking as them, so we couldn’t help as much as we wanted. And they found one indeed, the very day after the wedding. The plan was getting the information through the intern and then perfect our way of proceeding for the Elections’ day. Jeremy and V would be doing a brief trip to London to catch the intern and get the information.

However, I couldn’t avoid a bad feeling about it. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust V and that he would turn into a berserker at the very moment he wasn’t under my gaze. I knew he wouldn’t compromise our work of months and his perfectly hatched plan. Even so, something in him seemed off after I told him everything. He was just as always around our friends but every time we were alone and he took off his mask, I saw a perturbation in his gaze. There was something dark, very distant from the fondness and the love, and harder and sharper than fear or fury. It was the mystery in his eyes that worried me.

At first, I refused to stay at the Meadow, but he ended up convincing me that it wasn’t reasonable that I went with them. It was a flash mission after all and V was obviously afraid of me going to London again. I could see that conversation happening once more related to the Elections; I could foretell how he wouldn’t want me to help that day either. And, before this, I realized I wouldn’t be able to protest much about it. I didn’t about that intern mission, after all. There was something unsteady in V’s voice when he talked, along with the feeling reflected on his eyes, and gave me the feeling to be looking at a dam about to crumble. If it helped him somehow to know I was safe, even if we were apart, I couldn’t do anything else to accept that that was the only help I could provide.

The night of the mission, I was sitting on the bed’s edge, staring at him while he was buttoning his shirt over the compression one. When he realized I was looking at him, he rose his distracted gaze to me, his mind seeming to return to reality all of a sudden.

V let out an inaudible sigh, his expression softening. He walked to me, cupping my chin gently, making me look up. “You don’t need to be so deeply concerned, Evey. Go to sleep. In the morning, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I nodded, pressing my lips on a thin line. V furrowed in worry and crouched down before me, grabbing my right hand. He took it between his ones, driving it to his mouth, pressing a warm kiss on my palm. “I’ll always return to you, my love. I promised I wouldn’t ever leave you, remember?” He said in a low voice.

“I do,” I muttered. “I’m just worried about you. You’ve been strange since I told you everything.”

“I know you are,” he stood up again. “I’m not pretending to hide I’m somehow hurt by what happened. I can’t help feeling responsible for the suffering you’ve been exposed to.”

I just kept my silence at that, relieved that he wasn’t hiding from me, but concerned at the confirmation that he carried the burden now.

“Will you be alright tonight, for sure?” I asked, anxious.

“I will. This will be nothing. You won’t even realize I’m gone.”

I tilted my head a bit, turning a bit towards my nightstand, a flashing idea coming to my mind. He seemed confused when I stood up and I picked something up from the first drawer. I looked at the little velvety box on my hands, opening it to discover a silver ring.

Since he gave me the ring and all the mess diluted a bit, the idea of getting him one similar appeared. I talked Bel about it and she started to laugh, explaining to me that the night I overheard their conversation, V told him about the idea of the ring. Getting supplies for the wedding’s party was in part an excuse to break into the jeweller’s store at the village to get one. This time she had to go alone and I had to trust she would find something similar to what I asked for. Getting V’s ring had been riskier than mine, so I wanted it engraved, which meant going to the village during the day. However, Bel was totally up for it and sneaked out of the house to do so.

I thought to give gift it to him when the Elections’ day passed, but then I remembered there was something more I had to care about and that the sweetness of the ring could be dismissed before the news of my pregnancy.

I grabbed it, leaving the box over the nightstand, and turned around. My mouth dried suddenly and my heart decided to get out of control. When I came closer to him, the absolute disbelief shone in his features, making my heartbeats even crazier at the newly discovered expression.

“I want to give this to you before you go,” I said, showing the ring to him.

He took it with supreme gentleness, realizing right away that there was something engraved inside.

“_I remember all that you said, I’ve got my heart here_,” he read the inner side. “_5th of November_.”

“It’s a combination of two verses from the song you played at the Gallery the day we met and the one when we danced before you showed me the train and… Well, all that,” I muttered, not wanting to remember that now.

V seemed completely speechless at the ring between his fingers, staring at it as if it was an ancient treasure.

“It seemed proper that you had one too,” I explained, not being able to take my eyes off his astonishment, feeling my chest warming.

I took it away from him, breaking his startled state a bit. Grabbing his right hand, I slipped it on his ring finger. The silvery colour contrasted wildly against his skin, shinning even in the faint darkness as if it had his own light. V looked at his hand, features dyed with disbelief, which slowly turned into raw emotiveness. When his eyes watered slightly, he rose them to me.

“Thank you,” he whispered and furrowed right away, confused. “But, how…?”

“Bel,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Ah,” he sniggered, his expression softening.

He approached me more, making my breath hitch when his gaze deepened into mine as if he was looking inside my soul. His pupils expanded as his gentle hands cupped my face, a hint of desperation mixing with the profound love in them, and I sensed the ring on my skin, already warmed by his. He bent down to reach me, giving me a soft kiss, devoid of hurry or hardness. I shivered, sensing how the sweetness of his scent calmed my soul as if the gentle touch of his lips was morphine. When he pulled away, he just backed a few inches, fixing his eyes on mine, a reassuring ocean in which I always drowned.

“I love you,” he muttered.

“I love you too.”

V placed a kiss on my forehead and straightened up, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs before letting go completely. He walked to the drawer again, putting on his gloves, mask and wig, before returning to me.

“Sleep for a while, really,” he told me in a soft tone.

I gave him a slight nod. “Be careful.”

“Always.”

The sound of a bike and somebody running through the house woke me up, just a second before the door of my room opened abruptly. I sat on the bed right away, my senses full of alarm, finding a bloodied Jeremy standing at the doorstep, striking fear and hurry in his eyes.

Shaken with fear, I stood up, coming to him, who looked at me with his pupils shrinking suddenly.

“Jeremy!” I exclaimed, grabbing him by the arms. “What has happened? Why are you covered in blood? Where’s V?”

Maria, Bel and Aiden appeared right away, gasping and glancing at him with horror. Jeremy kept quiet, paling more, and I shook him, demanding an explanation.

“Jeremy!” I urged, feeling my hands already trembling, cooled, and the cold sweat running down my spine.

“He… He disappeared before I could stop him,” he stuttered in a low voice. “We… We found the intern and he started to talk all this gibberish. And… A video started to play on the screen behind him. A video of you, Evey… Of what they did to you. And V just…”

My soul cracked, falling to the floor when I heard those words. I had no time to think about why I hadn’t realized they were filming me.

“Just, what?” I whispered nervously.

“He… Lost his mind,” Jeremy murmured, the memories shinning terribly in his eyes. “He… Killed the intern and broke everything. And then, he disappeared. He told me to get back here and… He disappeared. I don’t know where he has gone.”

A vast fear hit me hard, deadly as lightning. I was moving before my very mind processed what was happening, an instinct I didn’t know taking over my senses. I grabbed a pair of trousers and a sweatshirt and put them on.

“What are you doing?” Bel uttered.

“I’m going to find him,” I just said, sitting on the bed to put my trainers on.

“No! Evey, you can’t go,” she protested.

I stood up, getting out of the room without looking at any of my friends, tying my hair in a ponytail as I walked towards the stairs.

“Evey,” Bel called after me, walking downstairs, following me. “Evey, for fuck’s sake. Be reasonable.”

I turned around at the middle of the stairs, giving her a stern look. “I’m not going to lose him again,” I said without vacillating. “I should have been with him out there. I should have taken the risk. It was better than let him fall on his persona, on his rage. He warned me about it and I haven’t been careful with this issue. This is my fault.”

“No. No, it isn’t,” she argued. “If he can’t control himself, it’s not your responsibility.”

“Would you control yourself if you saw how your loved one is tortured?” I defended him, perfectly knowing how that felt. “Because I know how that feels. I know how that affects you if it’s just a bit. I know how it is when you are exposed for longer. So, I know how he feels right now and I’m not going to stay here, waiting for him to be captured.”

“He won’t. He’s never been captured.”

“I’m not going to take that risk,” I clenched my jaw. “If they get him, the best that they will do to is killing him. You’ve seen what they are capable of. Can you blame for trying to avoid that he goes through torture after torture, after torture, again, until he suffers a slow death?”

“No. I can’t. But you are pregnant, Evey. And that is something you should want to protect too,” she stated.

I heard a gasp and I looked up. The three of our friends were glancing down at us, shock and disbelief in their faces. I puffed, lowering my eyes to Bel again.

“I’ll take care of myself. I haven’t forgotten that,” I answered back.

Bel grunted, seeming utterly annoyed. “Alright. At least, let me come with you, then.”

“I’ll go, too,” I heard Jeremy say and I rose my head to him.

“Fine,” I said, walking the steps I had left until the living room and getting on the study to pick up a few guns to take with us.

Once armed, we got out of the house.

We had been wandering through the roofs for hours, inspecting the city under our feet, trying to find him somehow. I had been at the Gallery and inspected our tunnels, but none of them had a trace of his visit. The breaking dawn was near and the desperation was eating us.

Then, the explosion happened.

It happened in the suburbs and we saw it from afar. The sound punched our ears softly, but we recognized it right away. Even if the fear weakened my legs and my lungs barely received any air now, I ran above the buildings towards the place, with Bel and Jeremy escorting me.

When we arrived at the place, there was barely anything left. The firemen were trying to extinguish the fire that burned the mount of rubble that had been the building.

“Maybe it wasn’t him,” Bel said, the tiredness hitting her voice.

“I rather check it,” I sighed. “Let’s split and look around. We’ll meet here if we don’t find anything in five minutes.”

I turned around to them and they nodded. We took different directions, encircling the zone of the building. I looked everywhere, in every alley and roof, but V was nowhere.

I was starting to fall completely in desperation. My body felt like it was about to shatter from the tension I had been gathering through the night. I couldn’t be mad or sad, or not even worried; the only thing that moved me was panic. My brain was frantic, constantly searching, fully aware of everything.

When a muffled grunt arrived at my eardrums, I ran to look down at the alley beside the building of the roof I was on. A shadowy figure which I recognized immediately crumbled against the wall, falling to the floor.

At the sight of V, I wasn’t even able to scream. My voice was frozen, dead inside me. I got down by the emergency stairs as fast as I could and threw myself to the floor by his side.

“V!” I gasped, breathless, putting my hands on him as fast as I saw he was hurt.

He was all dirty, dust covering all his slightly burned clothes, and had a bullet wound on the shoulder and another on his right thigh. He looked at me, grunting, backing his head against the wall. I examined the one on his leg right away, which seemed worse.

“Evey, what are you doing here?” He said with difficulty, strong reprimand on his words. “You shouldn’t be he…”

“Shut up!” I snapped furiously, raising my eyes from his leg, tears falling down my cheeks at last. “You shouldn’t be here either! You promised you wouldn’t act as they expected!”

“I…” He started, but I gave him no time to talk as if I had read his thoughts.

“Don’t try to excuse yourself with what you’ve seen! I did too, with you, and tried to keep my reason cooled. So, I don’t want to hear a thing!” I stated with all my sternness. “Can you walk?”

“Not enough. You have to get out of here, now.”

I glared at him, furrowing. “What?”

“They are following me,” he muttered fast. “If they find you…”

“I won’t leave you here, are you mental?” I screeched, standing up and grabbing him by the arm, trying to lift him up. However, he didn’t move. “V!”

“Please, Evey. Do as I say,” he begged. “I wasn’t trying to excuse myself. This has been my mistake. You don’t have to pay the price.”

I loosened my grip around his arm, not believing what he was saying. I kneeled down before him, letting out a gasp of disbelief, which curled instantly in rage. I encircled his trunk with my arms, trying to lift him up by force. He grunted in pain but pulled down to counteract my intent.

“V!” I screeched, desperate. “Please! Stand up!”

“Go,” he whispered, cupping my face between his hands, making me face him. “Just go. Put the plan in motion for the Elections. Save this country and yourself. Please…”

“Not without you! I won’t leave you behind!” I cried and tried to make him stand once more.

He freed himself from my arms, falling over the hard floor. I looked down at him, half laying there. I bent over him, trying to catch him again, but he trapped my writs.

“Listen to me, my love,” he said in a hurry, his voice sounding fainter now. “I won’t live past this night even if you carry me out of here. I’m glad to have had this opportunity to live what a life with you is, but this has always been my destiny. Maybe it’s for the better. Just do me the favour to find safety. It’s the only way I can go in peace.”

“No!” I wrestled, the tears blurring my eyes. “You are not so injured to die. Don’t you dare to say goodbye to me! You promised you wouldn’t leave me!”

“I apologize. Maybe you were right and I’m just and a hypocrite and a liar, after all. But I need you to find safety now… I implore you…”

“No!”

“Evey!”

I looked up, seeing Bel glancing down at us from the roof. She and Jeremy went down by the stairs right away. I stared at V again, freeing myself from his grip.

“We’ll get you out of here safely. You’ll live. But I beg you… Help me a little,” I whimpered, grabbing him by the shoulders, getting to make him recline.

“V!” Bel exclaimed when arrived at the alley, kneeling down to help me. “You fucking donkey…!”

“Get out of here,” he grunted, looking at her. “Get Evey out of here. I have no salvation and they are following.”

“What…?”

“He’s here!” A voice shouted.

We all looked to the other extreme of the alley, catching a glimpse of a group of a few armed men, running towards us.

Suddenly, too fast for us to react, V stood up, standing and stepping towards them, knives already prepared on his hands. I was about to follow, standing up as well, but I was captured by two arms from behind that tried to carry me away.

“Let me go!” I screeched to Jeremy, struck by fear.

V turned around at my voice and before he could face them again, a few shots echoed between the walls of the alley. After a brief moment of deafening silence, V fell to the floor again.

I shouted. Jeremy tried to carry me out of there as the group of men approached more. One stared at us while two more put V on his knees too harmed to put up a fight.

“Well, well… It seems like your little mice have come to your rescue,” he said to V.

“Should we get them?” One that held V asked.

“You’ve caught me,” V stated roughly. “They won’t serve you in anything.”

“True. But if they bother us, I’m afraid they will be following you very soon.”

“Evey, let’s go…” Jeremy begged me, holding back a whip.

“No!” I yelled, trying to reach the guns at my sides, but Bel stole them from me. “Let me go! Let me go right now!”

A man stabbed V and I screamed in desperation again, seeing as his head fell backwards. My vision blurred. Jeremy swept me up from the floor and I wrestled, crying and trying to get to V. He didn’t let me go and the last glimpse of the man I loved was him being stabbed once more, and falling completely limp on the floor.

“You don’t have more time, Evey. You have to decide now.”

I looked at Bel, standing over the windows of my room, the breeze of the late summer caressing her hair. She had been avoiding to look at my dull eyes through all the conversation.

“I won’t abort. I’ll do this, even if it’s without him,” I answered with a robotic voice. “I don’t know what you think I’ve changed my mind.”

“Because… He’s not here anymore.”

“Precisely because he’s not.”

“Don’t have this baby just because it’s the only thing you have left of him. It wouldn’t be fair for them,” she stated, sternly, turning her face a bit, but keeping her eyes down.

“You know that’s not the reason. I wanted to do it before… That happened.”

“I know but… Never mind” She sighed, looking at the balcony again. “Are you sure you don’t want to put the plan in motion?”

“I think we are not ready. We don’t have the information we needed. We don’t have anything. But you can try if you want. I don’t feel prepared to get into work so soon. I just can hope New England isn’t elected, but I don’t have the energy to fight now. I want to have this baby in peace. I need some time. You all can do whatever you want. The revolution is ours, of all of us.”

Bel nodded, finally looking at me and approaching the bed, where I was reclined over the pillows. She crossed her arms, worry and sadness in her gaze, all directed to me.

“Can I do something more for you?” She murmured.

“What I need it’s not possible,” I whispered. “But thank you.”

It had passed a month. I had been crying for two weeks straight after it happened after I lost him again. I thought the first time had been horrible, but now I had a bunch of memories that tormented me even more. I had everything and, all of a sudden, none of it. The only reason I had to wake up every morning was the life growing in my belly, the last thing that kept me breathing. The only thing left worth fighting for.

“Actually,” I said, turning around to the nightstand and getting the envelope out of it. I handed it to her. “I need you to ask Jeremy to search for Allana.”

“V’s sister?” She muttered, surprised.

“Yes. If she lives, she has to be somewhere.”

“Why do you want to know?” She asked, full of unsureness.

I let out a faint sigh. “I just want to know.”

She pressed her lips on a thin line, nodding. “I will tell him right now,” she assured me.

After that, Bel walked out of my room, slowly. Alone again, I stared at the sunset entering the room for a while, trying to keep my thoughts frozen, devoid of any memory. Then, failing, I drove my hand to the pillow by my side, the one at the top of the place where he had slept. My fingers found a thin material and I took it out from under the pillow. I stared at the photo of me kissing him the night of the wedding.

I burst in tears at the very moment, hugging my legs, burying my face on my knees, torn by a pain that I dreamed I would never feel again.

I had lost him again.

For good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> This was a brief chapter, a bit of a transition. We're getting into a part I'm really excited to write! I'll try to have the next chapter for this Sunday. <3 By the way, thank you to those who always take the time to comment! You're the best <3
> 
> The playlists are updated, as always. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/).
> 
> See you soon! xx


	16. Your sins dividing me, falling in and out of love

_30th of November_

I parked the car in front of the little hotel in the sea-front, at the end a short road, built apart from the modest white houses that formed the town. When the motor stopped roaring when I took out the key of the contact, I sighed, staring at the ocean that moved wildly under that gloomy twilight. The grey clouds hovered in the sky, turning the water darker, contrasting with the strange paleness of the sand. Then, I turned my head to the hotel, which had a façade covered with blue wood and the frames of the windows with white. There was a weathercock over the roof, topping the two floors that were underneath. There was light coming through the right window of the ground floor, warm light and a few shadows that moved at the other side of the curtains.

I was thinking that maybe I had got carried away by the grieve and that coming there had been a bad idea after all when I felt a kick on my belly. My gaze dropped to my bump of almost six months. I caressed it, feeling another kick. My determination grew suddenly, remembering why I had done that trip to Setoun, that little village emplaced at the remote corner of Scotland, and I got out of the car.

After losing V again, I spent almost three months half alive. It took all of my energy to eat and sleep how I should for the sake of my baby, but it hadn’t been easy. Bel was so worried for me that even made a fast trip to London to find help. One day, when the morning arose, she appeared at the White Meadow with Liam, our doctor at the shelters. I didn’t think it was necessary, although I accepted that he came to visit me and follow my pregnancy every now and then. When he came the first time, I wasn’t very sure to tell him who the father was, but Bel insisted me that he had to know. It didn’t matter much at that point, I thought, so I told him. Bel wanted him to make sure my body wasn’t mutating or something and Liam made me a few tests, which had the consequence of being mandatory that he knew why that urgency. We told him superficially V’s story and Liam reacted well, clearly having seen too much during the revolution to be surprised by the opposition cell’s barbarity. Luckily, V had been wrong in his assumptions. Liam made the test and I wasn’t having any problems. My health and my DNA were untouched.

Liam came every month to visit me and check everything was alright. He even carried a machine to make me an echography every time. My heart stopped hurting for that while when I could see the baby on the screen, how was growing but how little still seemed. Somehow, I still couldn’t believe that was the image of my child. Of his child.

Also, a few weeks ago, soon after I had reached five months of pregnancy, he was able to tell me the sex of the baby. It was a girl. I always imagined that it would be a boy, but the news became as heart-warming as surprising.

Besides that, those months had been extremely calm. Nobody put the plan in motion for the Elections and New England became elected, White becoming the First Minister. Nothing too bad had happened yet, but the situation felt like the eye of the storm. Maria and Bel stayed at the White Meadow with me. However, Jeremy and Aiden went away. They didn’t tell us where; probably they didn’t even know themselves. They just claimed that needed a bit of retirement and have a honeymoon.

Nevertheless, Jeremy didn’t go before finishing the search I asked him as a favour. I asked him to find V’s sister, Allana, if she survived, and he did.

Allana Garber went totally missing the night her brother was captured but an exact clone of her named Ana Smith appeared one year after that, as the new owner of a hotel at the Scottish littoral. The hotel and the village had been abandoned for fifty years before she appeared. In the following twenty years, the village revived a bit and now it had a hundred citizens approximately. However, Jeremy said it was a strange place, since it had no major or presence of the government, not even during the tyranny. It was so small and insignificant that nobody cared if it worked like an autarchy. Also, the hotel had no presence in the now fallen InterLink or the media. Jeremy had found her through a photo in an old local newspaper of a near Scottish town that had covered the news of her owning the hotel.

After what happened, and knowing that someday duty would call me and my friends to end the war, I needed to know if somebody would take care of my daughter even if something happened to me. Allana was the only biological relative that she would have in that world, aside from me. Also, I felt like I owed her the truth. I knew what had happened to her brother those last twenty years and, if I was her, I would want to know, even if it hurt. I was well aware that V wouldn’t approve that, but he wasn’t here anymore. I had been a sister and I was now a mother; I would do what I thought it was right for me, for Allana and for my future daughter.

However, I didn’t want to jump into the issue right away. The things I knew of that woman were very few. I needed to evaluate her a bit before telling her why I had come there, and if it was right to tell her about her brother and that I would have his daughter soon. Her niece.

When I got out of the car, the cold breeze hit me and I rushed to grab my jacket from the rear seat. Getting my suitcase out of the boot and closing the car, I made my way to the hotel’s door, breathing in to gather some courage. I pushed the door, making the bell on the top of it ring, and as soon as I stepped on the parquet of the reception, I was hit by the delicious smell of hotpot being cooked and the warmness between those walls. I stared at the table in front of me and the little wooden stairs by its side. At the right, there was a double door closed, and at the left a doorstep without door, which allowed me to see part of the modest kitchen that there was.

“Mom,” I heard an infantile voice, ringing with joy. “Somebody’s at the door.”

“Tell them I’ll go in a minute, please, honey,” a woman said with sweetness.

I heard a few tiny steps running towards where I was and, in an instant, I had a little boy in front of me, under the doorstep of the kitchen. Two big blue eyes rose to meet mine, making my heart tingle with emotion. He had a chubby face, with full lips and thin eyelashes, and a mop of curly black hair on the top of his head. He wasn’t very tall and for his appearance, he seemed to be around six years old.

“Hi,” he said, smiling at me with a bright smile. “My mom will be here in a minute. My name is Nick,” he rose a hand as if he wanted to shake mine.

I crouched down, smiling at him and accepted his gesture, taking his little hand, warmed by his sweetness. “Nice to meet you, Nick. I’m Jess,” I pitched his cheek. “You have a pair of beautiful eyes, you know?”

Nick laughed timidly, his face dyeing with a slight blush. “Everybody says that,” he twisted a bit, embarrassed.

He looked at my belly and his pupils shrunk a bit. His hand placed softly over it and I sensed a kick right away. Nick gasped, excited.

“Kicks!” He exclaimed as if it was the most surprising thing in the world. “Awesome!”

“Nicky, leave this poor woman breathe.”

Allana got out of the kitchen with a smile and I stood up. Nick hid his hands at his back, pure innocence radiating through his sudden expression of alarm. Allana laid her blue eyes on me and her expression broke for a brief instant, shining strangely. However, it was so brief and fast that I didn’t distinguish that trace well.

She wasn’t much different from the videos I had seen, or the photos I had carried with me on my suitcase. The age showed slightly on her features, in the soft lines of expression near her almond-shaped eyes and forehead. However, her curly hair was still long and brightly brown and her lips still very full. Her waist was a bit wider, but she conserved her slim figure still. She had to be forty-two years old now, but she seemed way younger.

“Sorry. He can be a bit overwhelming sometimes,” she said, smiling and glancing at the kid by her side for a moment.

“No,” I said, sniggering. “He was being very sweet. Is he your son?”

“Yes,” Allana smiled, looking down again when he hugged her leg. She patted him, a fond look in her eyes. “He’s a cutie pie, right?”

Nick hid a bit behind her leg, laughing. I could help but smile. I didn’t know she had children.

“I’m Ana, by the way,” she said then, shaking my hand. “What can I do for you?”

“I wished to rent a room for a week.”

“Very well.”

She approached the table and turned on the laptop there. I followed, standing before it, and Nick ran behind her, sitting on the chair by her side.

“Are you alone?” She asked while looking at the screen and typing something.

“Yes. An individual will be fine.”

“Double and individuals cost the same,” she rose her eyes, glancing at my belly and then to my eyes. “You will be glad to have more space while sleeping, believe me.”

“Well… Alright.”

She looked down again. “Name?”

“Jessica Wallace.”

Allana typed something. She asked me for a few more details I had to make up as he opened my guest file. I paid her and then she opened a cupboard behind her, getting out a key. Before I could realize, she had moved around the table and picked up my suitcase.

“Oh,” I muttered. “It’s not necessary. I can…”

“It’s nothing,” she just said, carrying it herself and looking at Nick. “Watch the hotpot while I accompany this lady to her room.”

He nodded and got into the kitchen. Allana asked me to follow her and we started to walk upstairs, the wood creaking under our feet.

“So, tell me: what’s a married, pregnant, English woman doing alone in the most remote town of Scotland?” She asked without turning around.

“I’m on holiday, kind of. And I’m not married. I widowed not long ago,” I muttered, trying not to sound too gloomy.

Allana stopped, this time turning, regret in her eyes. “I’m very sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s alright,” I said, cracking a brief smile. “I’m actually searching for a place to establish and have my baby. Setoun seems a good place.”

Her expression illuminated once more and continued walking. “Well, if you are searching for a quiet place, this is your town. I had Nick here and, honestly, being able to let him run around without fearing that somebody will hurt him… It’s the best. I don’t want to even imagine to live in a place like Edinburgh. I’d go mad with worry.”

She showed me my room, a cosy bedroom with rustic touches, which included its own bathroom and had views to the beach. She told me the hours in which the food was served and the hours of closing and opening.

“Dinner will be ready in an hour. There aren’t other guests now so we will eat in the kitchen. And you can pick anything up from it at any hour, by the way. Feel as it was your own home. And ask me without fear whatever you need.”

I nodded at everything and she left me alone to make myself comfortable. Sighing, I took off my brown wig and left it over the bed, feeling relieved to set my real hair free. I unpacked my suitcase and took a shower, before walking downstairs to have dinner, wig again settled.

When I sat with the two of them, I felt a bit weird. I was sitting in front of V’s sister, living under a fake name, and her son whose father seemed disappeared. Allana talked with me joyfully, telling me about the town and how life there was. She asked me about my pregnancy and how I was feeling. I admitted I was starting to feel a bit of pain on my back and my legs. She told me she felt the same when she was pregnant of Nick, and that the increasing weight of the baby caused it, now I was almost of six months. As a recommendation, she told me I should take a walk barefoot at the beach, to make my blood circulation better. She also offered to massage me, but I declined, feeling it was too much to ask.

When Nick almost fell asleep over the table listening to us, we decided that it was time to go to sleep.

A nightmare woke me up in the middle of the night. I reclined over the mattress, shaking and gasping. When I caught my breath, I laid down again, trying to conceal my sleep. However, the flashing images of the both times I had seen him die haunted me and the anxiety started to burn my nerves.

I decided to dress up and walk downstairs in search of something to help me cool down at the kitchen. While I descended by the stairs, I was surprised by the light of the kitchen turned on and Allana sitting at the table with a steaming pot and a cup in front of her.

“Oh,” she muttered, raising her eyes to me. “What are you doing awake? Do you feel alight?”

“Yes, it’s just… That I was a bit nervous. I can’t sleep.”

“Welcome to the club, then. Have a cup of this,” she said, pointing at the teapot. “It’s tile and lemon balm. It won’t do any harm to the baby, don’t worry.”

I grabbed a cup and sat on a chair near her. She poured some tea on my cup and I grabbed it, taking a brief sip. It was too soon for it to do anything, but just the warmness of it made feel better.

“Well, Evey Hammond,” Allana said, throwing me a condescending look. “What are you really doing here?”

I almost choked, leaving the cup abruptly on the table and coughing. I glanced at her, timid. “You recognized me?”

“Yes. And take off the wig, please. It’s unsettling.”

I obeyed, in complete disbelief, leaving it aside and freeing my curls. Allana smiled and I saw no trace of hostility in her.

“You’ve been disappeared for a few months. When I saw your bump, I understood why,” she explained joyfully.

I touched my belly, caressing it. “Are you,” I furrowed, confused, “a rebel?”

One of the few things I knew from her was that, when she was younger, she was against her mother and brother getting into the revolution matters. Even so, I always thought it was a reaction born from fear, not of being in favour of the tyranny. However, she seemed to be too informed of my movements to be just another person that had turned aside from both bands.

“Somehow,” she answered, tilting her head, and furrowing too. “Are you here in search of adepts?”

“What?”

“You don’t know where you are for real, don’t you?” Allana muttered, straightening up a little, examining me. “When I’ve seen you appear, I’ve thought you were here expressly. But when you’ve given me a fake name and started to act cluelessly, I’ve realized you are not.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Everybody here is a rebel,” she explained, smiling broadly. “I revived this town just for those who needed a place to live a bit peacefully. And just people who flee and want to resist end up in a place like this. The town became a secret rebel territory before I could realize, and I welcomed the task to take care of it. We’ve been resisting since the start of Norsefire.”

My mouth dropped at her explanation. I didn’t know what I expected to find in Allana, but a rebel given to the cause… Definitely not. I was even a bit scared to tell her who her brother had become, but that fear vanished at that new information.

“Wow,” I managed to utter. “I… I didn’t know.”

“Then… Why are you here?” She asked with genuine confusion in her face.

“I…” I started, suddenly forgetting all the speeches I had prepared in my mind. “For you.”

“For me?” Allana arched a brow.

“Yes. I was searching for you,” I admitted, pressing my lips on a thin line. “Well… I was searching for Allana Garber, actually.”

The sound of her real name shocked her. She seemed to be pushed with gentleness by an invisible force, pressing her back against the back of the chair, her eyes opening in disbelief.

“Just my son and a few friends here know my real name. How do you know?”

My heart started to beat wildly and I needed a few moments before answering that. “Because I know what happened to your brother. Victor.”

That hit her even deeper. I saw how her pupils shrunk and a shone of sadness appeared in her irises. Her lips parted and trembled a couple of times, as if she tried to say something but the words were stuck on her throat.

“I didn’t know if you want to know. I don’t even know which version do you have or how much information you received. I have the whole story. I can tell you if you want.”

“I just…” She stuttered, looking down. “I just know he was imprisoned and killed that night. A friend of his came to me after the riot and told me Victor had helped him escape and asked him to tell me to flee, to change my name and live far from London. He thought that as soon as they know he had Jewish ancestry they would kill him. And he had been right,” Allana glanced at me with watery eyes. “That’s the whole story.”

“No,” I sighed, my hear weighing on my chest. “It’s not.”

After my words, she seemed to go through a rollercoaster of emotions. She froze, and then glanced down at my belly, at my ring, at her cup, away, while she tried to figure out the puzzle I had put before her. There was confusion, sadness, and disbelief, but after a whole minute of highs and ups, she seemed as lost as before I had told her she was wrong in her assumption.

“What… What happened to him? How do you know?” She babbled then.

“Because I knew him.”

She gasped, the tears building up in her eyes more. “What?”

“Do you want to know, for real?” I asked, starting to feel my lungs heavy again, needing to be sure. “I have to warn you: it won’t be pleasant to hear.”

“I do,” she stated without hesitation.

I nodded, taking a deep breath and swallowing down a big sip of tea. I hadn’t talked about what happened to V much in those months, but the moment to revive everything had arrived.

“I guess you are familiarized with who V is, if you know me,” I started.

“Yes,” she said in a low voice. “He’s quite adored here.”

I made a pause, staring deeply into Allana’s gaze, the same V had. “He was your brother.”

I told her everything, from Larkhill to the night I had lost him again, a few months ago, without saving any detail. I had to stop from time to time when she couldn’t hold back the tears and she needed to cry. I even went upstairs to get the envelope and show it to her. When she saw those photos and papers, she got into a spiral of crying and laughing, having in her hands memories that she thought lost forever when she escaped.

“Stupid brat,” she gasped, looking at the photos and drying her tears. “Even without memories he was the same careless featherhead. If only I could slap him on the back of the neck again… I definitely would.”

“I know very little about how he was before losing his memory,” I explained, examining her with my heart heavy after reviving our story. “But I feel like he wasn’t so different.”

Allana sighed, scratching her nape, glancing at the photo where they were in front of a Christmas tree. “Considering what you say, he seemed very… Victor. At least, in some ways.”

“I’m sorry that after so many years you have to hear that he’s not alive,” I said after a long pause, feeling as sorry for myself as guilty for her. “Again.”

She rose her eyes to me, gifting me a brief smile. “Don’t be sorry, sweetie. It’s horrible to think he was suffering so much somewhere while I didn’t even know he still lived. But I’m glad he had some happiness with you, even if for a brief time. It’s more than I thought he had before you stepped in here.”

My eyes watered and she stood up, approaching her chair to sit down again, this time by my side. She fixed her soft eyes on me and, for the first time, I saw how much she resembled her brother. I had been holding back the tears during the whole explanation, but at that sight I couldn’t anymore. I shed a few, which I dried fast, not wanting to break down. Allana smiled more, radiating supreme fondness towards me.

“I guess we are family, then,” she said.

I sniggered. “I guess,” I breathed out and tried to collect myself again, feeling relieved that she thought that.

“Can I?” She asked softly, raising her hand towards my belly.

I nodded and she caressed my bump softly, a shining memory reflecting on her features.

“She’s asleep now,” I muttered.

“She? A girl?”

Smiling briefly, also looking down, I gave her a nod. Allana backed away, our gazes finding once more.

“Well… It doesn’t surprise me. In my mother’s family, every woman had a girl first,” she explained to me.

“Both my parents had no brothers,” I told her, tilting my head a bot. “But I was the first child. I had a little brother too. Though maybe you know. They made it public information after V saved me and took me to the Gallery.”

“Yes. I remember that,” she looked at me with compassion. “He died, too.”

I nodded slightly. “That’s why I wanted to come here too, so you knew the truth. Even if I lost my brother, I’m still a sister. If he had a different destiny from the one that I believed, I’d want to know.”

“Definitely,” Allana agreed. “I’m glad you decided against that. It’s better to think he did all that for us and suffered than think him killed in a cell being a teen. And I’m an aunt… How could I not want to know that?”

“That’s another thing I was trying to find out,” I muttered, a bit unsure. “You and Nick are the only biological family that she will have left. And someday I’ll have to return to the action and I hate to think she wouldn’t have anyone if something happened to me. My friends would take care of her if the day came, but they are in the war as well, and are exposed to danger as much as I am.”

“I understand your concern,” Allana said, his features filling with seriousness. “But you don’t have to suffer. I definitely want to be in the life of your daughter. I’d take care of her, always. When you need, go out there and kill all the nazis. Your daughter will be safe. But try to return, for the love of God.”

“I will,” I sniggered, not being able to help the thought that she would get along really well with Bel. “But, for now, I just want to be a mother.”

“I back you on that.”

“I’m thinking that I’d be nice to live here for a while,” I told her, sighing, tilting my head back. “She would be near you and grow up apart from the danger and the whole situation. I want for her to have all the quietness possible.”

“You’re absolutely welcome, Evey,” she gave me a bright smile. “If you want, we can take a walk through the town tomorrow after Nicky goes to school, and I’ll show you everything.”

“That sounds awesome.”

The next morning, I left the wig behind before Allana assuring me that I was completely safe there. She just gave me a pair of sunglasses to make me feel more comfortable, my identity not so easily exposed. We accompanied Nicky to the little house that served as a school for the five kids that lived in the town. After that, we walked through the few streets, full of little houses with white façades and dark roofs. Allana told me that the town was in fact an autarchy, that everybody took care of everybody and that they had commercial relations with near towns for supplies. She told me more about how she became kind of a major since she revived the town, and how she protected the newcomers. When somebody came fleeing from the tyranny, she had them sheltered at the hotel while getting them a house and a job there. Also, many of them ended up turning into rebels, who sometimes reunited at the pub and organised assembles to talk about the situation. Some had moved to London to participate in the riots that year, even. She told me some had been at our shelters during that time.

While we walked, everybody said hi to Allana and some approached to chat. Some didn’t say anything, even if they seemed to recognize me. Others, just burst in joy, starting to throw a bunch of questions at me that Allana stopped politely. She had lent me a thick anorak that hid my belly enough to make it not much noticeable, so nobody pointed that out, luckily. The situation was enough strange to add that.

After that, we went to the beach. Allana told me to take off my shoes and, even if the coldness of the wind and the sand made me gasp and shiver, I trusted her.

She told me a bit more of her life. Apparently, after what happened to V, and grieving for a while, she decided that didn’t want to be afraid anymore. She felt like she owed that bravery to her mother and her brother, who both had lived like they thought they had to live. They fought for their beliefs, for what was right, for freedom… And she just wanted to be enclosed, protected. However, after losing them and find herself alone, she needed to help and fight for those who couldn’t. She created that autarchy slowly and now lived resisting along with a bunch more of survivors. Six years ago, she had an affair with a man that had been there for a while, but that decided to return to society after knowing she was pregnant. Allana said that he was actually a jerk, but loneliness had played her wrong that time. She wasn’t regretting it, although; Nick was the best thing that had happened to her in twenty years.

During our whole walk I had been holding back a question, evaluating if it was a good idea to ask, if I could bear it. In the end, I ended up asking her about her brother. Her face lighted up instantly as she looked at the ocean, sweet memories coming to her eyes.

“Vi was extraordinary, but I guess that’s not a surprise for you,” she started, smiling briefly. “He always had a type of nerve, a fire… One of those magnetisms that enchant you somehow. He always had been a clever boy, with a lot of curiosity and capacity. When he was a kid, was always running around, not stopping doing things. He loved to build junk. And had incredible energy. Two things that made our mother crazy, by the way, because he never wanted to go to sleep and filled the house with useless inventions he made. Teachers loved him at school. He was kind of a gifted kid, but his potential showed more when he was at high school. He started attending to my mother’s classes when he was fourteen. Vi was obsessed with literature and history, and felt frustrated with what they taught him at school. He needed more stimulation, so he turned to my mother. They were so similar… Not only physically, but their personalities too. They had a strong bond because of that and my mother always made sure that he fulfilled his intellectual necessities. He loved Shakespeare so much… He could recite you all day. It was crazy.”

“He still did that,” I laughed, feeling my heart beating painfully, realizing that I was right in assuming he hadn’t changed that much.

“He made me feel stupid half of the time,” she sniggered, hugging herself before the breeze turning stronger. “But I felt so damn proud… Even if I couldn’t stand that my mother fuelled his rebel tendencies. He was so determined that I feared he would do something stupid. Well… I thought it was stupid to risk your own life for what I thought would be useless. I didn’t think that fighting would change anything. I had to lose both of them to realize that wasn’t true. That’s why I decided to drop college and stay with him when my mother died. I didn’t want to take my eyes off him. Maybe it’s the Pygmalion effect. I couldn’t stop him from fighting. That was how he was, in what he believed. He always had been unbreakable in that sense, which made him stubborn and narrow-minded.”

I let out a soft grunt. “Exactly,” I sighed, feeling relieved that somebody thought like me.

Allana laughed. “It comes from family, I guess,” she said. “It was the same for me. I wanted so much to protect him that I forgot that maybe that wasn’t the best way. Maybe, if I talked with him instead of scolding him… But I’m sure he would’ve followed his heart anyway. My mother was also really stubborn.”

We continued our walk for a while, observing the ocean, that morning clear blue, caressed by the rays of sunlight that found their way through the clouds, and talked of him more, of the things they did together. Then, we returned to the hotel.

I decided to stay a couple of weeks so Allana and I could know each other better and Nick could get more familiarised with me. I decided to move in there when my pregnancy reached the nine months, wanting to return to the White Meadow for a while. I needed to spend a little more time with my friends and offer them to move with me if they wanted. Also, Jeremy and Aiden continued missing, and I needed to wait for them.

The weeks with Allana consisted of long talks and a peaceful routine. I helped her with the tasks at home and she taught me some of her recipes and gave me a huge bunch of advices for my next months.

We talked more about V and how his life was before everything. She even showed me a box where she had some of his personal things that she was able to carry with her when she fled. There were books, a few shirts, notebooks, photos… What shocked me the most were the notebooks, so I saw how his writing hadn’t changed much either. His younger self wrote more messily, but the elegant calligraphy had the same trace and style. She even had a few VHS tapes that she showed me.

After a whole hour of seeing him in a recital, a theme park, a gymnastic competition and a Christmas dinner, I broke down, too overwhelmed to see him constantly smiling and laughing. I poured all my feelings to Allana, who consoled me and was open to let me vent about how I felt.

I was angry as much as I was grieving. I felt left behind again by him. He had broken all his promises and, even so, I was mad at myself too. I blamed myself. I blamed him. Both of us had done some things wrong, but I never left him even when I wanted to destroy everything and everyone that had hurt him. He had given up again, had given into vengeance instead of staying by me. I thought he didn’t want to die and had given himself to death willingly, even before my pleas and tears. And, still, I just wanted him back. I wanted to yell at him and hug him because that was better than the truth that he wasn’t here anymore. He reopened all the wounds in my heart and pushed me aside, leaving me alone. V left, this time owning every part of me, and I had no salvation from that pain. Those wounds would never heal or cicatrize. My heart would bleed forever. The memories would haunt my mind and my body wouldn’t accept another soul for the rest of my life. I was damned.

When the two weeks ended, Allana told me that she would love to spend Christmas with me and meet my friends, so I invited her to the Meadow. We decided to meet the on the 22th of December and promised her that I would pick her up at the village near it. Nicky started whining a bit when they were saying goodbye to me. Allana had decided to tell him the truth about me and he was so excited to have an aunt that had grown fond of me really fast. He was an incredible kid and I couldn’t be happier that that visit had turned so well. My daughter would have a family, a good family, even if we were very few left.

After assuring Nicky we would be seeing each other in a couple of weeks, I got into my rented car and left the town.

It took me almost a whole day to return to the White Meadow safely. I found the quad perfectly hidden at the village, left there the day before by one of my friends so I didn’t have to walk all the way to the house. When I crossed the door, when the night had already fallen, I was surprised by Aiden and Jeremy sitting comfortably on the sofa, watching a movie.

They had returned from their trip a few days ago and jumped off the sofa right away when they saw me, receiving me with joy. The girls joined us and they told me about their trip through the north coast while I explained them my two weeks with Allana. I told them about her offer to move there and that she would be visiting us for Christmas. The girls seemed more excited about both ideas than the boys. I thought that maybe they had their own plans, but they didn’t reject it either. 

After that, I went to bed, tired as I was. However, I slept for an hour and woke up again, shaken by another nightmare. Allana had given me a mix of plants that assured me would help me get me to sleep.

I grabbed the paper bag from my suitcase and made my way downstairs, my eyes dry and feeling my back hurting again.

“No!” I hear Bel whisper angrily, “You are not! Are you fucking out of your mind?”

I stopped on the step I was, suddenly awake. Motionless, I stayed very still, hidden there.

“But we are sure, Bel,” Jeremy stated too loud and she shushed him.

I realized right away that I had caught them arguing about something. It wasn’t weird, in the end. Bel and Jeremy argued often and I had learned to not involve myself, even if it was to separate them. I turned around, ready to return to my room quietly and act like I didn’t hear a thing.

“Evey has to know,” he added.

My name stopped me again and I stayed in my place. Furrowing, I waited to know why they were arguing about me.

“We have everything we need. We’ve been studying the place for months. We just need to organize,” Jeremy explained.

“But how do you know he’s there?” Bel muttered.

The first assumption that came to my mind was that Jeremy and Aiden hadn’t had a honeymoon, but a reconnaissance trip and that they had found where the heads of the opposition cell were hiding. However, it didn’t make sense that they had hidden that from me.

“Because we’ve seen him. I hacked their security cameras to have a look inside the building. Well… At least, we think he was. He coincided with how Evey described him and I don’t think there’s many men burned from head to toes for who the opposition cell has enough interest to put a whole laboratory around him and torture him constantly.”

My breath caught, the paper bag almost slipping off my hands.

“What they are doing to him is monstrous, Bel. Even worse than death. He’s suffering torture after torture, every day, and it’s just because they get off doing so. They are getting their revenge on him.” Aiden added with striking anger. “If we have the possibility to save him, we have. We owe him.”

“I want to get him out of there too. Fuck! Of course, I do! Do you think I’m happy to know he’s suffering? No!” Bel exclaimed, full of fury too. “But how are you gonna tell Evey? She’s been five months crying over him again and she’s pregnant. We can’t play with her feelings like that.”

“It’s not playing with her feelings,” Jeremy uttered with exasperation. “V is alive. That’s a certainty. May lightning strike me dead if I’m wrong.”

“But why are you so sure that we can get him out of there? Isn’t he like in a high-security laboratory or something? We’re five rebels and one six months pregnant! We aren’t enough and don’t have the resources. We’d need a whole army to save V. If you tell Evey that he is alive, that he’s being tortured and then we can’t save him it’d be making her suffer for nothing. It’d be even worse because she will know he’s suffering and we can’t do a fucking thing about it!”

“I have everything planned!” Jeremy counteracted her. “V taught me some things that had been really useful to hack their systems and I could use some of the things we had prepared for the Elections’ day. I have the perfect procedure. If we go the five of us…”

“Oh, no! Hell no!” She yelled, not caring anymore of her tone. “You are not asking her to come. You are definitely mental.”

“She wouldn’t have to get into the building. Just… Help him walk out.”

“No! Period!”

“That’s not your thing to decide,” Aiden said, backing his husband. “Evey has to choose.”

I walked the last steps until I reached the living room. Bel, standing at the inner side of the bar, was about to throw another angry sentence to her cousin, but stopped as soon as she saw me. The boys, sitting on the stools, turned to me at her reaction, both turning pale.

“Evey,” Jeremy gasped. “Wha…”

“What do you mean V’s alive?” I inquired in an almost inaudible whisper, demanding.

He stood up, coming to me as the other two seemed horrified. I wasn’t even noticing my cheeks were wet with tears, falling heavily. Jeremy looked at me with sorrow.

“I mean he is alive,” Jeremy said right away. “I didn’t want to believe he had died and…”

“Jeremy, no…!” Bel gasped, cutting him off.

“Let him talk,” Aiden stopped her.

I ignored both, just keeping my attention on my friend right before me, trying to explain to me what was happening.

“I felt responsible for all this,” his eyes watered as he made an effort to keep his voice steady. “If I had been more careful… None of you would’ve suffered. And I didn’t want to believe that he wasn’t able to survive to what happened in that alley. I needed to be sure… And I searched for him. And found him.”

“What?” I breathed out, sudden dizziness hit me.

Jeremy dried my tears with his hands, cupping my cheeks gently, and uttered a relieved laugh.

“V is alive,” Jeremy said softly. “They took him to a hidden laboratory and they are like… Testing him or something. But he’s alive.”

When his words hit my eardrums, everything around muted at the very instant. Jeremy grabbed me when my legs failed me, almost falling to the floor. However, I recovered instantly.

“How? I…” I muttered, raising a palm to my forehead. “I saw…”

“He’s stronger than we can even imagine,” Jeremy explained, examining me with concern. “Bleeding for a while and bullets aren’t enough to kill him. Tons of explosives aren’t either.”

“But…” I stuttered, trying to process that what I thought for months was wrong, that the man I loved was still alive. “Are you sure?”

“I am. I promise. And we can get him out of there if we all go.”

“No!” Bel activated suddenly, approaching us, glaring at him and then giving me a concerned look. “Evey… You are really pregnant and this won’t be an easy mission, whatever he says. If something happens to you, the baby won’t survive.”

I stared at her as if she was made of glass, my head burning while trying to assimilate everything.

“The last time I stayed, I lost him again,” I mumbled, furrowing. “I’ll get him out there with my bare hands and pregnant, if it’s necessary.”

“It’s madness!” She grunted, exasperated. “I want him back, too! But not at the cost of your baby and you! It’s not worth it!”

I stopped looking at her, fixing my eyes on Jeremy. There was no time to discuss. There was nothing to discuss. Not for me.

“I trust you,” I said to Jeremy. “I trust you will find the way to protect me and my baby and get him out.”

Jeremy pressed his lips on a thin line, emotion and determination marking his features. He nodded and Bel let out a sound of tiredness, stepping away from us.

“How much time do you need to get ready?” I asked. “If you are right, we have to get him out as soon as possible. I don’t want to take any risk, even if he had survived for months. We have to act fast.”

“I’ll try to work as fast as I can, but I need a week at least.”

I sighed, looking at my belly and furrowing. She was asleep now, even if I was highly stressed right then. I caressed my bump, trying to avoid the images of torture I had forever recorded on my brain. A whole more week of suffering… I didn’t want to even imagine he was in such a situation. I tried to focus my thoughts on the certainty that I would slay every man and break every wall to save him, and that he was alive.

“Alright,” I stated with determination. “And build me something strong to cover me. We can’t afford no chances.”

Crouched down behind a bush, covered by the night, I could barely breathe as I glared at the building before me. He was there, so close, and yet so far. The wait was killing me, more than that cuirass was crushing me. Bel glanced at me sideways.

“Are you alright?” She whispered.

I just nodded, shrugging my shoulders a bit, but just feeling more oppressed by doing that. Jeremy had been unsure about the weight of the cuirass that he had made for me. He had made sure for it to be thick enough to avoid a plain bullet to go through it, but that meant that weighted a lot. The weight couldn’t rest on the belly because it would hurt the baby, so he had managed to rest all of it on my shoulders and back. The only way to do that was making my shoulders and arms feel extremely oppressed and sore just by wearing it for a minute. Liam, who had been added to our plan in the case when we got V out he needed medical attention, wasn’t very content with the weight of my protection. However, he said that I could have it on for ten minutes before it turned harmful for me and for the baby.

Aiden had been who had the idea of calling Liam to join us, which made me think the things happening inside that laboratory were worse that I suspected. He had been with Jeremy in his search for V and had seen what was happening between those walls. Jeremy hadn’t told me exactly what they were doing to him; it wasn’t necessary. He just told me that seemed to be testing him day after day, exposing him to extreme sensations to prove his endurance and strength, and torturing him. Knowing who was our enemy and what they had done before was enough to assume. No more specification was needed to make me understand that that was being Larkhill all over again.

Jeremy had been working tirelessly for the whole week and we helped all we could, but he was the brain of the operation. V had seemed to teach him some things while working on our plan for the Election, things he had ended up using to plan his rescue. Gathering all the things we knew, assault the laboratory seemed something possible and with a probable good ending.

Bel was still very reticent with my presence there and was extremely worried for my baby, so that’s why she would be escorting and helping me that night. I didn’t argue with her, not even a single time. I wanted all my energies focused on that mission. I didn’t even think of what would happen after freeing V. I hadn’t had time to think about my feelings or our relationship. I hadn’t even planned how I would explain to him I was pregnant with his child and that I had known for a few weeks before we lost each other again. Nothing but rescuing him and keep my baby protected at the same time had space on my mind in that very moment.

“Thirty seconds,” I heard the rushed voice of Jeremy through the earpiece in my ear.

Bel and I looked at each other. I breathed in and we both hid behind the iron sheet we had ready against the bush. I took off our earpieces and covered our ears with earplugs.

Liam had been a part more fundamental of the plan than we had thought at first. Jeremy opted by building a way to escape with V’s style: blowing everything up. To do that, somebody had to break into the laboratory first and the only face in the group that wasn’t recognizable was his. Liam was a brave man and didn’t hesitate in helping us once more, even if he had to risk his own life that much. Jeremy hacked the security system of the laboratory and their metal detectors so Liam could get inside as another worker and sneak Jeremy and Maria once there. Jeremy had the schedule of the laboratory studied and knew that they didn’t make experiments in the middle of the night, so V would be at the cell where they had him closed. When the bomb exploded, it would open a hole huge enough for us to sneak into the hall where the cell was. Jeremy said that we wouldn’t need a key, since it was opened with dactylic recognition and he would take care of turning it off. Maria and Jeremy would distract the guards while we rescued V. Liam would run to one of the jeeps we had taken there, parked nearby, and wait for us. Then, we only would have to drive away as fast as possible. Maria and Jeremy would follow as soon as we were out.

The explosion took over the place, echoing with brutality among the trees of that forest. The vibration arrived at us through the floor and a few little rolling rocks collided against the iron. We got on our feet right away, casting our earplugs aside and connecting our earpieces again.

The hole had been opened as we expected. We ran towards it without hesitation and Bel extinguished the flames nearby with the fire extinguisher she had at her back. Once it was safe, we got into the hall. The alarms started to sound, deafening.

“The 116!” Bel shouted when we passed by the door that had the number Jeremy told us.

I pushed it without hesitating, hit by a cold rush that blinded me for a second. The room was frozen, feeling as if I had opened a freezer room.

“What the…” Bel uttered, but shook her head, preparing her gun. “Hurry! I’ll stand guard!”

I stepped inside the room, heart beating fast, and right away I saw a figure among the shadows. He was chained by the wrists, hanging from the ceiling by a pulley. V was just covered with a dirty cloth and had his head down, absolutely quiet.

My breath disappeared completely and I rushed to him, taking his face between my hands. He was frozen, but I sensed his soft breath on my skin. V wasn’t asleep but immersed in a deep state of unconsciousness. I felt the tears on my eyes but I had no time for that. I looked at the chains, grabbing them and pulling them down. They were too strong and needed a key.

I pressed the button of the earpiece. “Jem, I have a problem,” I said in a rush. “He’s chained.”

“What?” I hear him answer right away.

“Yes. I need you to get me a bit more of time.”

“I can give you two more minutes.”

I puffed. “I guess it will do,” I answered, pressing the button to turn off the microphone again.

I ran out of the room right away, searching for a rock huge enough.

“What are you doing, Evey?” Bel gasped.

“He’s chained,” I explained, grabbing a rock and getting in the room again. “Come in with me.”

“But…”

“Just come in!” I said, standing before V again.

Bel followed and I heard her gasp of surprise instantly. However, she didn’t hesitate much more, even if it was the first time she saw him uncovered, walking towards us.

“Force the pulley there,” I pointed at the wall, where the chain was rolled. “I’ll try to break the chains.”

Bel nodded and started to pull down the pulley, trying to force it to move. Before I could hit the chain, the pulley gave in, loosening the chains and making him V fall limp on the floor. Trying to swallow down the impact of seeing him like that, I crouched down and hit the chains until one link broke, separating his hands and freeing him from the pulley.

“Help me, fast” I urged, pulling V up by the arm. “We’ll have to carry him.”

She grabbed his other arm and then we heard the first grunt. V half-opened his eyes, instantly laying them on me. He opened his mouth a bit, but no other sound came out.

“V!” I gasped, relieved. “Can you hear me?” I cupped his face as we sat him down. “Can you walk?”

He furrowed slightly, a pair of extremely dilatated pupils fixing on me. “Evey…” He barely whispered.

I furrowed, knowing he wasn’t totally there, putting one of his arms over my shoulders and Bel did the same with the other. We pushed him up until he half stood. We got him out, practically dragging him, so he seemed to be still half unconscious. We rushed to immerse in the forest and walk towards the jeep.

When we saw it parked between the trees, we both let out a sigh of relief. Liam got down right away, rushing to us to help.

“Oh, my Lord,” Liam grunted when he saw V. “Bel, you drive. I’ll help them.”

Bel ran to the pilot seat and Liam helped me to get V into the rear space, cleared of seats and ready with a thin mattress. At the very moment we got up and the door closed, Bel started abruptly and he held on place somehow as kept V in place. When the jeep stopped bouncing too much, Liam started to inspect V.

“He’s suffering from hypothermia,” he said right away, concerned, and opened his eyes. V furrowed slightly, forcing his eyes closed. “And seemed heavily drugged.”

“Can you help him now?” I said as I freed myself from the cuirass and unclipped the earpiece system from my wide sweatshirt, casting them aside and bending over V.

“The only thing we can do for now is trying to warm him up,” Liam said. “But I can’t do much until we’re again at the house,” he turned around to Bel. “Bel, turn on the heating, and raise it a bit every few minutes.”

“Got it,” she said, entering a road at last, and following Liam’s instructions.

Liam approached a corner of the jeep, throwing a pack of blankets at me. “Cover him, except the face.”

I undid the straps that held the blankets on a pack and started to cover him as Liam had told me. V opened his eyes a bit again, looking at me.

“Evey…” He sighed, but his gaze still seemed dull, lost.

I caressed his face, the tears finally falling. “You’re safe, V,” I murmured. “It’s finally over.”

His eyes turned a bit white as he looked away, blinking, rolling them strangely as if trying to see where he was. Liam was taking something out of the kit he had prepared, which seemed a bunch of bags. He cracked a few, approaching us again.

“I was ready for wounds and slashes, but not for hypothermia,” he admitted with a bit of guiltiness.

He put the bags on his neck, one on his chest and other on his groin, and then sat by his side, looking at him.

“Now I understand your question about burns,” Liam sighed. “I’ve never seen anything like this. I thought the theatrics were just to cover up his identity, but… Not this.”

We hadn’t told Liam much about V. He knew that he was the father of my child, which made him figure out instantly he was the person I had been living with when I moved out the shelter. He also knew a bit of his story to put him in the context of the situation, to understand why he had been imprisoned and not killed. However, even if he knew he broke free of Larkhill with an explosion, he didn’t know the damage that had caused on his body.

“No wonder it hurts from time to time. He has to have contractures everywhere,” he declared and rose his eyes to me, cold concert in them. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“No. We’ve had a clean escape,” I explained. “And I haven’t had the cuirass not even ten minutes on.”

“Perfect. Now try to relax. You’ve been enough stressed for the week. That’s not good for the baby either.”

When he mentioned that, I opened my eyes in fear. He understood and we both glanced down at V. He had his eyes closed. Liam lent over him to check his pulse and breathing.

“Don’t worry. He’s too off to hear anything,” Liam assured me. “He won’t remember a thing of what has happened, probably. And I don’t think the effect of the drug passes immediately. He won’t have a bit of consciousness at least until we arrive at the house.”

He approached another kit and tossed me a canteen and tilted his head to the front seat.

“Now go sit at the front and put your seatbelt on. And drink a bit. I’ll watch over him.”

Hesitant, glancing at him for a brief moment, I obeyed, but not before hiding the cuirass under another blanket. Then, I moved to sit at Bel’s side, putting the belt on. There, I drank a bit of the infusion made by Allana I had carried, and backed against the door of the car, covering my eyes and shedding silent tears, kicked by a mix of emotions that went from relieving to anger.

“Jem and Maria are out. They have escaped without a problem,” Bel said after a while and I turned to see the blue light of her earpiece flickering, sign it was still working. “Jem is asking about V. Evey, can you pick it up?”

I took the earpiece off her ear and put it into mine. I pressed the button to answer.

“Hey, Jem,” I muttered, clearing my throat, trying to steady my voice.

“Everything alright there?” He asked. “How’s V?”

“He has hypothermia. His cell was really cold, like a freezer room. He isn’t wounded or anything, but he seems very drugged. He barely reacts. Bel and I have had to carry him because he can’t even stand.”

He kept quiet a few seconds. “I think they drugged him after the sessions. To control his abilities and avoid he fought against them. I guess they didn’t want to suffer another incident like the one at Larkhill.”

“Serves them right for underestimating us,” I heard Maria scream near his ear for me to hear her.

I heard Jeremy grunt. “And what about you and Bel? Are you girls alright?” He asked, concerned.

“We are fine. We’ve got out before anybody could get to us.”

He sighed in relief. “Thank God.”

I smiled a bit, sadly. “Thank you, Jem. You’ve done a great job. This wouldn’t have been possible without you.”

“It’s nothing, really. I messed up first,” he answered. “I had to fix it. I owed you, and him.”

“Anyway, thank you.”

After that, we cut the communication. I told Bel what he said and she sighed, relaxing in her seat. She insisted to me then that I should sleep for a while, so we still had two hours or more before arriving. Liam backed her on that, assuring me V was out of danger and that the hypothermia seemed to be vanishing. Feeling extremely tired and drained, I ended up giving in.

I woke up with the first rays of light of the day on my face and the baby kicking. I opened my eyes, glancing through the window, catching a glimpse of the fields encircling the White Meadow. I straightened up on my seat, realizing I was covered by a blanket, breathing in and caressing my bump, turning around to look at the rear part. V was reclined against the bottom of the jeep, still covered with a blanket, but with his eyes half open and with his gaze lost in front of him. Liam was sitting against a door, near him but giving him space, looking distractedly through the window in front of him. Both rose their gaze to me, even so, still seemed a bit off.

“V,” I gasped.

Wanting to move to the rear part immediately, I took off my seatbelt and put the blanket around me. My sweatshirt already covered well my belly, but I did that anyway just in case. It wasn’t the moment.

I moved to the rear part and approached him, kneeling by his side. His eyes softened, a harsh sadness filling them. I got one hand out the blanket, caressing his cheek, and he sighed softly.

“Evey…” He muttered, his voice sounding somehow muffled as if he was underwater.

“How are you feeling?” I asked right away, worry making my voice shake.

“The hypothermia has subsided,” Liam told me and I turned to look at him. “The effect of the drug not totally.”

I turned my gaze again to V, who looked down, avoiding my eyes and shaking his head slightly.

“How?” He whispered, furrowing.

“Jeremy searched for you,” I explained, letting out a little laugh of relief. “He didn’t think you died and spent months trying to find you. He studied the laboratory for weeks to plan your rescue to the detail.”

V panted, shaking his head again. “That’s… Too dangerous.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” I muttered.

Feeling drawn to him unavoidably, I approached enough to hug him with one arm but leaving the sufficient space to make my belly unnoticeable. When I sensed his face against my shoulder, his heat on me, I sensed the tears burning on my eyes again, burying my face too on his shoulder.

“You’re here,” I sighed, tearing. “That’s all that matters.”

Bel stopped the jeep and I let V go, drawing back and looking at him through my tears. I sniffled and went to open the door. Bel and Liam helped him to get out of the car, still not walking very securely. I closed the car and followed them inside the house with the blanket tightly around me.

They took him upstairs, to a room we had prepared to take care of him in case he needed to be attended by Liam. They laid him down on the bed and then Liam turned to us.

“You two can rest for a while. Eat something. Take a shower,” he said. “I’ll warn you when we’re finished.”

I pressed my lips on a thin line, sharing a fast glance with V, who threw a look at me with plea and confusion mixed. I approached him, grabbing his hand and realizing the ring was there still. My body froze at the sight, my heart trembling with emotion. I squeezed his hand and pressed a kiss against his knuckles.

“Let Liam take care of you,” I whispered. “I’ll be here in a while.”

He didn’t say a thing, but I saw the resignation in his features. After that, I walked out of the room with Bel. We took a shower in our respective rooms and then we walked downstairs to eat breakfast.

“How are you going to tell him?” She asked me when saw me caressing my bump as the baby was kicking with more energy than usual that morning. I felt a bit guilty now the mission was over, attributing that great movement to the stress of the last hours.

“I have no idea,” I sighed. “But I can’t hide it forever.”

“And… What about you two? Are you still mad at him?”

I pressed my lips on a thin line. “Yes,” I tilted my head down, glancing at my cereals, bowl half empty now. “I think… If I wasn’t pregnant maybe I could…” I mumbled, the words dying on my mouth and I looked at Bel again. “I have to protect my daughter. I can’t trust him right now. He didn’t want this. I rather that she grows up thinking she has just a mother that loves her completely than knowing of the existence of a father that never wanted her. She’ll figure that alone when she grows up. But while she’s little, I just want her to know love.”

“So, you are going to break up with him?” Bel muttered, complete sorrow on her features.

“He broke up with me that night,” I said sternly. “He left me behind again and broke all his promises. I had hope in us before that, even if he didn’t want this baby. But now I’m just… Tired. I love him but I’m tired. Maybe I’m very stupid to love him after all. I know I wouldn’t have been able to live knowing he was alive and suffering. I wouldn’t have stopped trying to save him until I did. And I’ll still suffer his pain, his emotions… I’ll worry madly if he goes into the war right away. I can’t help my feelings; I suppressed them the last time but now I don’t have the energy to even do that. But that’s all. I accept the reality that I can’t flee from this love. However, the only reason to fight tirelessly I have now is her. I will be the mother she deserves and I’ll push away all that’s not good for her.”

Bel stared at me with a swirl of compassion and proudness and ended up approaching me to give me a hug. Then, she bent down, caressing my belly and smiling broadly at the feeling of a kick when she touched me, tears shining in her eyes.

“You are very lucky, baby girl,” she muttered to her. “Your mother is a badass. Destroys fascists and breaks the boys’ hearts. I hope you learn well from her.”

“Don’t tell her that,” I sniggered, giving her a slight push. “She’s starting to hear. I don’t want the first things she listen to are you giving her strange advice.”

Bel laughed, pressing the cuff of her sweater against her tear ducts, drying the not fallen tears.

Liam appeared in the living room soon after we finished our breakfast and Maria and Jeremy had arrived. He told me V was recovered from the hypothermia, but still a bit weak after so many months exposed to pain and poor nourishment. He had inspected his skin and told me that he effectively had contractures, but he couldn’t do anything about that. The only way to dissolve them was chirurgical and we all knew that was not possible. He had injected him an intravenous drip and asked us to give him a bit of food and let him sleep for a while before getting into a tough conversation. I knew he said that for me, knowing there was too much to talk about. After that, he left, asking us to retire the drip when it emptied and promising to return in a couple of weeks to check on me.

Bel cooked something and walked upstairs to give it to him. Meanwhile, she sent me to sleep on my bed for a while too. Knowing I had a hard day ahead, I didn’t refuse the idea.

I didn’t intend to sleep much, but when I woke up it was already afternoon. Everybody, except Bel, was also asleep and she told me V was already awake. She gave me a hug to encourage me and I made my way to the room where he was, walking slowly. I had put on a huge sweater, that didn’t hide the secret underneath completely. It gave me a strange appearance, as if I had a bunch more of sweaters under the first one.

Before opening the door, I breathed in a few times, feeling my nerves tingling on my stomach. He was reclined against the sea of pillows at his back, already without the drip and wearing a white gown. There was a book between his hands, but his blue gaze rose to me at the very instant. I felt fixed to the floor for a moment, paralyzed, as he already seemed to see the catastrophe coming. I stepped in, closing behind me, and approaching his bed as I sat on the chair already placed by its side.

“Hi,” I muttered.

He didn’t answer, although his eyes did, watering, shinning under the natural light entering through the window, already fainting.

“Do you feel better?” I asked, more nervous before his silence, but sensing the delight to have him there soothing it.

“Yes,” he whispered, his voice still rough. “The effects of the narcotics had already vanished when I woke up.”

“What about the rest?” I furrowed, worried.

V inhaled, glancing down, closing the book and leaving it aside. “I’m alright. It hasn’t been anything I haven’t felt before,” he told me in a weak tone.

My heart broke as I noticed the months of torture written in the tiredness of his features. Even if he was a strong man, without fear to be tortured and imprisoned and with an almost unbreakable body, he still felt pain. Five months of suffering were horrible, anyhow.

“How have you kept the ring?” I muttered, glancing at his hand.

He rose his eyes to mine again, sadness increasing. “I hid it on my fist most of the time,” he explained. “I put it on when I was alone.”

V glanced down at my hands, placed on my lap, covering me a bit, and I noticed he saw my ring. However, he didn’t mention I had it on after all. He just sighed softly, staring at me with unsureness in his expression. I breathed in, preparing, knowing it was time to come clean, and the fear reflected on him, his pupils shrinking.

“V… There’s something I need to tell you,” I started.

He clenched his jaw a bit, clearly expecting anything but the truth he was about to hear. “I already know it,” he whispered.

My brain froze. “What?”

“I know you won’t accept me back,” he explained, his voice breaking. “I suspect you participated in my rescue because you have this unique kind of pure soul. But I know you can’t love me after what I did. I broke my oaths and hurt you. I left you when I promised I wouldn’t.”

I breathed in, closing my eyes for a moment, feeling my heart maddening and my eyes burning. “Yes, V. You’re right, in part,” I whispered, gazing at him, holding back the tears.

I didn’t intend to talk about that first, but now he had brought up the issue, I felt I couldn’t delay it.

“I can’t be with you now. I’m too tired to try again, just because I can’t trust in any promise you make me from now on,” I started, feeling the tiredness hit my body suddenly. “I’d live with the constant fear that I will lose you and I can’t afford that anymore. If the situation was different, maybe I could throw myself to you, and damn myself again with the only consequence that I’d be the only one hurt if you wronged me again. But I’m not alone anymore. Things have changed.”

The tears gathered in his eyes, hurt and confusion radiating through them. “I don’t understand what you mean,” he furrowed. “Not alone anymore?”

“That what we had is over wasn’t what I wanted to tell you first. I had to make it clear, but it wasn’t that.”

V swallowed nervously, his eyes tingling with growing nervousness. I stood up, raising my sweater, finally showing what I had been hiding. His eyes opened wide in shock, pupils almost disappearing, his breathing totally gone, mouth dropping slightly.

I sat again, stretching my sweater down again, staring at him, waiting for him to say something. However, he was frozen.

“What…?” He breathed out eventually, stopping before even asking something, his lips trembling slightly as his tears built up more, covering half of his irises. “How many months I’ve been…?”

“Five,” I muttered, sighing. “It’s been five months since they caught you.”

He clenched his jaw, holding back the tears. “Only… Five?” He asked, his voice breaking.

He panted brokenly, looking away for a moment, and drying the tears that he couldn’t avoid anymore. I continued observing him, trying to keep collected at his tears. I had heard him crying, but I had never seen his tears before. Realizing that that was his reaction at the news, I felt my soul cracking with sadness and disappointment. I had known that for months, but it wasn’t easier to presence anyway.

V sniffled, barely looking at me. “Who?” He asked, barely uttering the words. “Who is…?”

His words hit me, making me realize he was misinterpreting everything. My mouth dropped with astonishment, keeping me quiet and frozen for a few second until I started to get mad.

“You!” I stated angrily. “You are the father! How can you think…?”

I stopped in the middle of my angry question, remembering Eric. We started to date a month and a half after the Fifth. However, that wasn’t the same. I hadn’t been with V before that. After being with him, it was impossible for me to be in the arms of another.

V stared at me with pure shock, this time seeming as if his brain had exploded, breaking his conscious state.

“What?” He muttered in a whisper. “How?”

“You know how,” I answered back.

“You were… Taking those pills,” he stuttered, his eyes dulling as he tried to understand what was happening. “It’s not possible…”

“I forgot one, the first day when we reunited at the Gallery,” I explained, puffing a bit. “Call it my mistake, if you want. I don’t care. I can’t see it like one. Not now.”

He let out a shuddering sigh, his eyes getting lost in the sheets covering his legs. “That’s… Six months ago.”

“Yes.”

He looked at me again, the realization written in his expression. “When did you know?”

“I knew it for a month, before… That,” I uttered, feeling my throat tightening at the memory. “I was waiting to tell you after the Elections because I knew you didn’t want it and I did, but I thought it’d be better we talked about it after the plan, calmly.”

The anger started to creep up my chest when I saw how he was breathing raggedly now, feeling I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“The thing is… I heard your conversation with Bel that night,” I stated, not hiding my rage anymore. “It wasn’t my intention and I didn’t ask her to do that, but the case is that I head what you said. It was horrible to feel like you didn’t back me on this, even more with how I was feeling back then. I didn’t plan this either. It came by surprise. I didn’t picture myself as a mother before and didn’t feel prepared when I discovered it. I don’t feel now either; not totally, at least. But hearing you say you hoped it never happened… It was too hard for me. And I know it’s not fair that I’m mad at you for saying those things without knowing the truth, and even after that I loved you and I had hope that maybe…” I furrowed sadly, my tears falling at last. “But then you left me behind again. You left me alone with this and I’d have rather argued with you for hours about it than have no option. I’d have swallowed it down if you had asked me to get rid of it or tried to convince me through your assumptions. Because that’s what couples do. They fight and talk when there are things to fix. But when there’s trouble you act on your own. It seems that’s the only way you have to interact with me, even after everything we’ve went through, after making me believe in your promises… You can’t count on me, not for fighting, let alone to help you when you suffer. You always make me feel I’m running behind you, trying to catch you, but you just ran faster and faster… You never let me reach you, not completely. And I’m tired to blame myself or blame you for it. If it’s your way to live, who am I to ask you to change for me? We don’t work together. And I’m tired to think we have the fault because we haven’t worked enough on it. We just… Don’t match.”

V clenched his jaw, containing a sob that I saw getting trapped in his throat, but his tears fell similar to little rivers down his cheeks.

“And I’m very sorry if you didn’t want this, but it’s too late,” I stated, drying my tears and clearing my throat. “I’m going to carry on with this and I’ll do it alone like I’ve been doing these last months. I’m going to have this baby and raise her like the good mother I’ll work to be, every day. And I can’t allow to get into her life somebody that didn’t want her in the first place and won’t care about her. You said you didn’t want to be a father and didn’t have the capacity, so you won’t be. I’ll keep the secret and you’ll never be involved. You’re free from responsibility. She will never know.”

“She…” He whispered, not looking at me.

“Yes,” I stood up, feeling too drained after getting out everything I had to say. I backed on the back of the chair, resting. “What are you going to do, then?”

He rose his reddened, watery eyes to me, devoid of any light. “Do I have options?” He whispered, sounding absolutely shattered.

I trembled, but he didn’t possibly notice. “We’ve saved your life. You’ve survived death three times already and third time’s a charm. It’s alright if you want to get into the war again but… Use your new chance better. Maybe this time you can live your life as you should at last when you’re done.”

He took a ragged breath, his features contracting slightly as if my words had pained him physically. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

“And what will you do? Close yourself at the Gallery and wait to die?” I scolded him. “That’s a poor way to thank us, honestly.”

“And what are you intending me to do?” He snapped, a bit of rage filtering in his sadness. “I can comprehend the extremes of your rage towards me right now, but proposing I can have a life without you, of any kind, it’s very cruel. And I know I deserve it. I know I deserve that you are cruel to me. But, Evey… I lost the only thing I wanted, and that was you. I know the blame is on me. And maybe I will. Maybe I will lay down on that empty bed and wait, because even if I have to swallow down this horrible mistake and its consequences, I have the same feelings for you. I have the same illusions, now shattered by my own hands. Why do you even care if I let myself die?”

His speech made me tremble, and I felt my gravity tilting towards him. I gripped the chair tightly, trying to keep strong.

“Because I care about you,” I snapped, glaring at him. “I’m that stupid, you know? I’ve told you I can’t love you, not that I don’t. I still love you, even after neglecting me several times. And because I know you will misinterpret… Yes, I mean romantically.”

His tears froze suddenly, a poker face stamping on his features. I puffed, regretting a bit having said that. It didn’t matter much, anyway.

“Don’t waste your life, V,” I sighed, tired. “I’ll appreciate it if you take care of yourself for once. You can be loved by others. You’re not a monster, alright? Everybody in this house have risked their lives for you because we care about you. That’s a selfless act, an act of love. The world doesn’t end because we haven’t worked out.”

He turned his head, avoiding my glance, closing his eyes tightly. His chest rose and fell in a broken inspiration and I kept in my place, trying not to fell, to give in to the temptations that my heart still harboured.

“So, that’s my only option?” He muttered, glaring at the window.

“You have all the options you want for yourself.”

“Including taking the role you’ve assumed I don’t want?” V said in a low voice.

“I haven’t assumed it. You said that yourself,” I blurted out, a bit angrily.

“As you’ve also said,” he turned again to look at me, “I didn’t know back then. It’s been six months and clearly, I was wrong in my assumptions if nothing strange has happened to you. I thought this would hurt you because I’m not a normal man. I didn’t want to imagine that. It wasn’t because of the baby per se. I would have given everything you wanted, while it didn’t hurt you.”

I felt disestablished all of a sudden. “But you said that you didn’t feel like you could do it too.”

“And you’ve said you yourself don’t feel ready either. I’ve known this for five minutes. You for six months.”

I breathed in, raising a hand to my forehead, rubbing it, feeling the headache already kicking in. “V… What are you saying?”

“I want to be present. I want to assume my part,” he said with pure determination.

I threw a stern glare at him. “This is not a game. This is more than just share a responsibility.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“No. You are not,” I snapped. “Look… I’m sorry, but I can’t trust what you say right now. Not a bit. And I’ll protect my daughter at any cost. I rather that she doesn’t have a father than she has a bad one that doesn’t truly love her.”

I grabbed the chair, placing it in a corner of the room and stood by his bed again, avoiding his gaze.

“You can stay around until you recover but, then, the best is that we break this circle for good. I wished I could say something different, though I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Evey…” He stuttered.

“No. Honestly,” I stopped him. “I need this to end. I do love you, but you’ve broken my heart too many times. And it doesn’t matter what you do or say. Trust can’t be won back that easily. Even if you want to take this role and I let you, I’ll always be wary. I’ll always wonder when you are going to neglect my daughter and I can’t allow that. You had the opportunity to be by my side and you chose not to, and you lost the opportunity to have an opinion about this. I decide and, I’m sorry, but she won’t have a father.”

Before his silence, I walked away, getting out of the room. I returned to mine, laying on the bed. Bursting into tears, I caressed my belly, sensing her kicking against it. She had been kicking since I had entered V’s room and hadn’t stopped.

“I’m sorry, love…” I whispered, crying. “I had to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! <3
> 
> Yay, I got to finish it for this Sunday! <3 Thank you so so much for the comments on the last chapter! I was really heartwarming the great feedback it had. By the way, I have another week left of this uni break and I hope to write and post two chapters at least. So, see you in a few days! <3
> 
> The playlists are already updated. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/) too!
> 
> See you soon! <3


	17. When all is lost and plundered my love will be there still

I stayed in my room until the next day, not hungry or brave enough to move out of my bed. The house remained extremely quiet during those hours, allowing me to sleep for most of the night when I couldn’t cry more. Surprisingly, no nightmares haunted me in my sleep, my mind calmed with the knowledge that he was under that roof, alive and whole.

A part of me was tempted to walk to his room again and curl by his side, hug him and give into him. However, the well-being of my daughter held me back, keeping me enclosed in my bedroom. I knew I couldn’t trust him, in the way he claimed he loved me and wanted to collaborate in the life of my daughter. I wished I could, but I was empty of chances to give.

The sound of my room’s door being opened abruptly after a few rushed steps woke me up, making me jump and recline over the mattress right away. At the doorstep, I saw Bel, looking genuinely stressed.

“Bel,” I muttered, hit by a sudden fear. “What happens?”

She gave me a nervous look, closing behind her and rushing to me. “We have a problem,” she stated. “A big one.”

My first thought was that something had happened to V, making my heart skip a beat. “What?” I breathed out. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s 22nd already,” Bel said. “I’ve seen it when I’ve walked downstairs to have breakfast and looked at the calendar and saw today’s mark with…”

“Allana…” I gasped, realizing the problem before she finished explaining. “Shit!”

With everything that had happened since I returned from Setoun and how focused I had been on V’s rescue, I had forgotten that Allana and Nick were coming. We all had forgotten. And now V was under that roof too.

“I’ve sent Jeremy and Aiden to pick them up as soon as I’ve seen it,” Bel warned me. “We were supposed to pick them up at ten and Jeremy will be almost thirty minutes late.”

“Oh, God…” I grunted, standing up, pushing the sheets aside.

“Have I fucked up?” Bel asked, nervous.

“No, but…” I grabbed my gown off the drawer and put it on. “I can’t believe I forgot…”

I turned to her, feeling my lungs starting to ger oppressed and my rapid heartbeats creating a thin layer of cold sweat on my nape. My mouth dried as my hands cooled too, nervousness taking over me.

“I’ve told him to take it easy so we can figure out something,” Bel added, just as nervous as I was. “But I don’t think he can delay it more than twenty minutes.”

I breathed in, but I sensed how I could barely breathe now. I closed my eyes, placing my hand on my forehead, trying to cool down my already burning mind.

“Let’s talk downstairs,” I said, not wanting to be so close to V’s room.

Once at the kitchen, I sat on a stool, trying to think as fast as possible. I was expecting the worst at that moment, thinking about all the possible outcomes of V and Allana meeting. Allana wasn’t much of a problem. Once she recovered from the shock to see her brother, I was sure she would take it well and be really happy about it. After all, there was no way she wasn’t pleased to see her brother whole and alive, even if changed, scarred and without memories. His existence was better than his death, that was a fact.

However, I feared his reaction. Bel told me she had slipped in his room as soon as she had woken up to ask what he wanted to eat and how was he feeling. He seemed a bit weak still but had moved around. He had taken a shower and Bel had gotten him a few things from Aiden that fit him, so his things were packed in boxes in our junk room, something Bel obliged me to do a month after his death. Also, she had convinced him to eat even if he didn’t want to. The thing was that he wasn’t recovered fully yet and he would have to stay for a few days more.

The meeting was unavoidable. V would know soon about what I did and that I had told Allana everything. He was against that and had made it clear that time I brought it up. His reaction to knowing I had surpassed his desire could be disastrous. However, I wasn’t willing to lie to Allana. She deserved to know her brother was right there, alive, and there was no way I could keep them apart.

I had to tell V before she crossed that door, but I wasn’t finding the strength to move from that stool. Bel was equally anguished, anxiously looking at the clock on the kitchen’s wall, counting every minute we were losing immersed in that confusing swirl.

And, as if I invocated him, V appeared. If I hadn’t been so nervous, I would have fallen from the stool. Seeing him wearing that hospital gown the day before had been a shock already, but that had been even more shocking. V was wearing a huge black hoodie and a pair of distressed jeans. I wished everything was normal between us, and that the catastrophe wasn’t about to explode, because I would have laughed for hours at how strange he looked.

But everything was broken. And the catastrophe was about to explode indeed, with total certainty.

“What’s wrong?” He said right away, looking at both of us, the nervousness clearly written on our faces.

Bel and I shared a nervous look. I breathed in. That was my issue to deal with. In the end, the idea to contact Allana had been mine alone.

“Bel, can you go upstairs and prepare a room for them, meanwhile?” I asked her.

Unsure, she nodded, and walked upstairs, giving V a brief glance first. He kept quiet until we were alone and then furrowed a bit. I saw the uncomfortableness in his eyes.

“Them?” He muttered.

“Maybe you should sit,” I sighed, backing an elbow on the bar and lowering, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips, closing my eyes.

I glanced at him when he approached but didn’t sit on the stool next to mine. The pain I had inflicted him the day before showed when he laid his ocean gaze on me, but the confusion was stronger now.

“Seriously,” I said, feeling my mouth drying.

“Is somebody coming?” He asked, unsure.

“Yes.”

“Who?”

I inhaled, barely. “Allana. And her son, Nick.”

His pupils shrunk, turning into two little circles, swallowed by the shock. “What?” He whispered roughly, but no emotion rose to his features.

“I searched for her after what happened,” I explained. “I found she had changed her name and was running a little hotel in the coast of Scotland. I wanted to know if my daughter would have more family than me and I felt like she deserved to know the truth. I spent a couple of weeks with her and I invited her to come for Christmas. I had no way… To know you were alive, back then.”

V let out a broken pant, his expression tensing as my words hit him. He took a step back, taking his eyes away from me, looking lost.

“How much have you told her?” He asked, barely.

I swallowed nervously. “Everything.”

He rose his hand to his face, covering his eyes for a moment, walking away more and giving his back to me. When he turned around, there was a bit of outrage in his features.

“Do you realize what you’ve done?” He whispered with hardness. “Do you realize what you’ve told to this woman?”

“Yes. The truth,” I said, furrowing, feeling a bit attacked. “And I know you didn’t want to tell her, that she didn’t even know of your existence. But she took it well. She’s not like I thought. She revived the town where they live. It’s a rebel autarchy. And she was glad to know what you’ve been doing.”

That slightly shocked him, but a spark of discomfort shone in his eyes anyway. “Even if that’s true… How do you think she will react when she sees me now?” He snapped. “Nothing you could have told her can be enough of preparation to affront this. She remembers a totally different person, inside and out.”

“I’ve told you: I’ve never thought you two would meet because... You weren’t here,” I sighed. “And that’s not true. Maybe it’s hard for you to believe… But I assure you, you weren’t that different back then.”

“I doubt it,” he grunted, his eyes watering a bit. “And I can’t remember her. She’s a complete stranger to me. The only thing this is going to cause is pain and, honestly, I’ve already caused enough of it.”

“She won’t be hurt by that,” I protested, furrowing. “The only thing that will matter to her is that you are alive. And, I’m sorry, but I had no way to know you were alive when I made the decision to search for her.”

V grunted, tensing up, looking down for a moment, his features contracting. “Although you knew what I thought about this and you still…” He stopped in the middle of the sentence, puffing.

“I still… What?” I pressed him, outraged at his implying. “Surpassed your desires? Yes. I absolutely did. Because I thought it was the right thing to do. I’m a sister, too, in case you don’t remember. I saw my brother die. If something else had happened to him, I’d have wanted to know. And… Look, you aren’t the focus of this, alright? The main reason I tried to find her was to offer my daughter a bigger family than just myself,” I defended my position, clenching my jaw, feeling my eyes burning. “I’ve never cast away the idea of leaving the war completely. If something happened to me and to everybody in this house, I needed to know she would’ve someone.”

“There were other ways,” V grunted, exasperated. “Other ways that didn’t implicate digging in a past that’s not even mine.”

“Like what? Raising my daughter in the shadows? Lock her up in this house forever?” I snapped. “Leaving her behind in an orphanage when I find myself in enough danger to die? Abandon her just to save her life, because she’s my daughter? That’s not my style. That’s not being a good mother. It’s just being selfish.”

My words went through his chest. I noticed in the way his eyes shone with sadness as he heard the connotation in them. He bent over a bit, pain reflecting on his features.

“That’s not what I meant…” V whispered.

“And what did you mean?” I asked, feeling my lungs fuelled with fury when he didn’t answer. “Look… This was my decision,” I stated, standing up and coming closer to him. “And, yes, there was something comforting in knowing more of your past. It helped me in my grieving. I needed to know more, talk more… Allana’s been a huge help for me. She’s the only person alive that probably knew you as much as I did and it was good for me to feel backed by someone like her. So… Don’t you dare to blame me for trying to move forward and be worried about the future of my daughter. Don’t you dare to tell me how I should’ve acted, because you lost that right the moment you decided to walk away from me. I dealt with my grieving and problems how I could.”

His eyes had dropped to the floor between us soon after I had started my speech. I noticed the tension of his features as he tried to hold back the tears with all of him.

“You are free to go, V,” I muttered, holding back my own sadness, the words making my chest hurt. “If you are so displeased with this situation, the door is open. You don’t have to face it, because it was my decision, in the end. I think she’ll have enough knowing you are whole and alive. You don’t have to see her. You have your things packed in boxes in the junk room. If you want to go, I won’t stop you. You have like fifty minutes or so before they arrive.”

“That’s all you have to say?” He whispered brokenly. “You’re not even considering let me help, no?”

I let out a tired sigh, covering my face for a moment in pure desperation. When I looked at him again, the pain in his features stabbed me.

“Don’t get me wrong… It’d be perfect if you could be her father even after all,” I softened my tone. “I’d obviate everything that has happened between us so we could parent together. But the only thing I feel about this is that you’d only try to take the role to get me back and that doesn’t help to my lack of trust in you, honestly. This is not about us. Is about her.”

I felt my heart weakening at the sight of his tears falling and I had to close my eyes for a moment, trying to control my emotions. In that instant, a deep part of me wished that he leaned over and trapped my face between his hands, telling me I was wrong, that he really cared about the baby. I wished he said he would work to win my trust back and be the father she deserved.

I wished he wouldn’t have just breathed in brokenly and walked away from me, walking upstairs. After knowing he had left me behind once more, I thought he wouldn’t be able to break my heart more, but he did at that moment. This time was my fault, instead. I was unable to stop loving him, even if he wronged me time after time, and still cherished the hope that he would come to me. But I had to be strong in my determination for her. I had to let my feelings aside because V couldn’t commit.

I sat on the stool again, backing my elbows on the bar and resting my head on my hands, closing my eyes and breathing in to avoid that the tears appeared. Allana and Nicky would be arriving soon and I wasn’t willing that the first thing he saw when entered the house was my red eyes and face full of tears. I repeated on my head that I had to be strong, that this was for her.

I was so immersed on that mantra that I didn’t hear the motor turning off outside. I just reacted when the door opened and Nicky entered the house like a hurricane.

“Auntie Evey!” Nicky shouted happily, running towards me.

“Nicky!” I gasped, smiling and leaving the stool, crouching down to receive him in my arms.

He hugged me, careful to not collide against my belly, and laughed when I hugged him hard.

“How’s my favourite boy?” I muttered when he backed away, caressing his rosy cheeks.

Nicky sniggered. “Fine,” he said timidly. “I have a gift for you. But it’s in the suitcase.”

“Really?” I smiled more and he nodded vigorously. “It wasn’t necessary.”

“I’ve made it. Mom helped me.”

Allana crossed the doorstep then, smiling right away when she saw me. I stood up as she approached me.

“Evey,” she said happily, capturing me in an embrace.

“Hi, Allana,” I corresponded her, feeling warmed by her presence. However, my nerves increased, realizing V was still upstairs and that they could bump into each other still.

She backed away to see me and made a face instantly, puffing a bit. “You look really tired. Hasn’t the tea worked? Are you alright?”

“Well… Yes, the tea has helped.”

“But?”

I breathed in. “It’s been an intense week.”

Aiden and Jeremy crossed the door then, carrying their suitcases, giving me a nervous look instantly. Nicky grabbed his mother’s hand and shook it, demanding her attention. She looked at him.

“Mom, I want to grab the gift,” he pouted.

She sighed. “We’ve just arrived. Wait a second.”

“We can accompany him upstairs if he wants to open it,” Aiden said politely.

“Yes! Yes!” Nicky said, jumping.

I felt a stab of panic crossing my chest. “The room is not ready,” I blurted out. “Bel is cleaning it.”

Nicky made a sound of disappointment and Allana sighed.

“It’s alright,” she said. “Let him go and grab it or he won’t stop.”

I breathed in, trying not to show the catastrophe in my eyes. Nicky was too curious and he would want to inspect all the house. If he caught V, I didn’t know how I would manage the situation. Maybe he had already left the house, jumping off a window or something. Neither he or Bel were making a sound upstairs.

Then, Nicky gasped roughly and we all turned to him. My heart stopped for a second at the sight of Guy Fawkes’ grin emerging from the faint darkness of the hall. When he stepped in, standing in the living room with his usual clothes, my heartbeats deafened me. That brief instant of silence that was made at his presence, something in my brain exploded, neuronal connexions breaking. I wasn’t sure if I was awake or I was dreaming, but I couldn’t understand what was happening either way.

Aiden and Jeremy looked at us, utterly confused, and Allana and I were frozen from head to toes. When the silence broke, it was because Nicky screeched.

“You!” He approached V. “Are you… Are you that superhero?”

V lowered his head to look at him. “You have to be Nick,” he said softly, crouching down, and Nicky nodded. “Nice to meet you, Nick. I’m V.”

“Really? The real one?” he said with excitement and made a sound of amusement when V nodded. Nicky started to swing from side to side and rose his hand to touch his mask. “I have one too. A friend of my mother gave it to me, but it’s too big.”

V hummed, listening to him.

“Do you have superpowers?” Nicky asked him, curious.

“I suspect I have, in a way,” V sniggered.

“Wow! Show me! Show me!” He bounced, excited.

“Not now, little one.”

V stood up again and stared at us, concealed under the façade that had served his persona for years. At last, I had the energy to look at Allana, who was totally frozen, but her eyes had started to water.

“Guys, can you take Nicky upstairs?” I whispered to Aiden and Jeremy. “Let him pick the gift and show him everything. He has to meet Bel and Maria too.”

They understood and took Nicky upstairs with them. Once we were the three of us alone, I felt totally lost, not knowing what to say or do. I was trying to look through V, but his robes seemed thicker than ever. I didn’t know what he intended with that.

Allana took a shuddering breath and, for a moment, I turned abruptly to her, thinking she would faint.

“Is it you?” Allana muttered without barely a voice, shedding a single tear. “For real?”

V gave her a single nod, sighing.

“How?” She whispered, turning to me for an explanation. “I thought…”

“I did too,” I hurried to say, not leaving space for misunderstandings. “But Jeremy cherished the hope that he had survived and tried to find him. And he found him, captured in a place that the opposition cell owns. We’ve rescued him barely a day ago.”

Allana gasped, turning to him, covering her mouth with her hand as more tears fell. V tensed up, breathing slowly, and approached us more.

“I can’t believe…” She stuttered, full of emotion, but clearly containing her feelings.

“I apologize, even if I can’t remember,” V muttered softly. “For all the pain I caused.”

She broke down, covering her face with both hands, crying. Nervously, I doubted if reach her or not. However, she uncovered right away, looking at V through the tears, sniffling.

“It’s alright,” she whispered, swallowing down a sob. “Can I… Can I hug you?”

A shiver of panic ran down my spine, fearing he would refuse. I was still trying to figure out what I was seeing but, considering what he had said, the most probable thing was that he was being considerate with her, showing once before her at least. He would leave after that. It made no sense otherwise.

Nevertheless, I witnessed how V approached her first, hugging Allana with supreme gentleness. She burst in tears, encircling him with her arms tightly, crying against the shoulder of her brother, lost so long ago, and who considered dead for twenty years.

And, in a way, I noticed he felt something too. His arms hugged her tighter eventually and his head lowered, almost leaning against her. There was no tension, no visible uncomfortableness. V even rose one of his hands to caress her curls, softly, consoling her.

I watched the scene before me with my chest oppressed with the emotion and absolute confusion. Eventually, Allana freed him and dried her tears. I felt able to move then, going to the kitchen and opening a drawer where I remembered having seen a pack of tissues. I returned to where they were, both suddenly seeming self-conscious, and gave the pack to Allana.

“Thank you,” she muttered. “Maybe I should clean my face before Nicky comes back. I don’t want to make him worry.”

“There’s a bathroom at the end of the hall,” I said softly to her.

She nodded, glancing at V once more before walking out of the room and down the hall. When I heard the door closing, I looked at V, my head about to explode.

“What are you doing?” I whispered in the lowest voice I could. “I thought you didn’t want to get involved in this.”

“I’ve never said that.”

“Well… That’s what it seemed.”

“I’d never have searched for her, it’s true. And this hasn’t been my decision, also true. However, I have a reason now to affront this situation.”

“Which reason?” I muttered.

V sighed, his head lowering. “I’m begging for your clemency, Evey,” he said in a dark tone. “I’ll kneel before you if it’s necessary. I’ll pay my penitence however you wish. And I know I don’t deserve that you have any mercy towards me. But, please… I want to stay. I accept that the fate of our relationship has been damned. I know you don’t trust me to be the father of this child. I understand, but I truly want to be so. And I do this for her, not to get you back. I’m just asking for a brief opportunity.”

“V, I’ve told you…” I grunted, tired.

“Just let me stay these days until she returns,” he cut me off, begging. “Let me show you I can be what she deserves. If after that, you won’t allow me, I’ll go away forever, without putting up resistance. Believe this and I won’t ask you to believe anything else I say anymore. If you do, it’ll be because I have earned it.”

I stared at him in complete silence, trying to put the pieces together of my confused soul, broken at the realization that my deep hope had been materialised.

“I won’t mention ever again what we had,” he added with desperation, sounding as if he was falling into a void. “I accept I have been a terrible partner and I won’t try to establish that again. I’ll just focus on being her father.”

My heart wanted to give in into his pleas desperately, but the months of pain and distrust still weighed on my shoulders. However, that big part of me that still was connected to him screamed to me to give forgiveness.

“Allana will be here for five days,” I muttered. “When she returns, we’ll talk again about this and we’ll see what’s next.”

V let out a sigh of pure relief, deflating a bit. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Evey.”

“Don’t. Not yet,” I stated sternly. “I have to see enough truth in you these days to allow you to be in her life.”

He nodded with confidence and we heard right away a few lazy steps walking down the stairs. A groggy Maria appeared in the living room and looked at us with confusion as she rubbed her eyes.

“What the hell is going on?” She grunted. “Why is there a kid running around upstairs?”

“He’s Allana’s son,” I explained, repressing a smile of disbelief. “They were coming today, remember?”

She gasped, remembering at the very moment, and she looked at V with wide eyes, pointing at him.

“And… What about him?” She uttered.

“They’ve already seen each other,” I said.

Maria grunted, tilting her head backwards and walking to the fridge. “I always miss the drama,” she muttered.

I rolled my eyes and heard our friends’ voices mixed with fast steps. Nicky stormed into the living room and approached me with a wide smile illuminating his chubby features, a little blue box in one of his hands. Bel, Aiden and Jeremy appeared behind him.

“This kid is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” Bel said, smiling. “I swear.”

“I know,” I said, crouching down to be at his level.

“For you,” Nicky told me happily, handing me the box.

“Thank you so much,” I answered with a smile, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

I opened the box, finding a necklace with a little ball painted in shades of blue, simulating waves, and silver touches. I took it out and a bell ringed instantly, moving inside the ball, creating a soft sound.

“It’s an angel caller.”

I turned around, finding Allana stepping closer to us, her eyes slightly puffy but not red anymore.

“It’ll summon a guardian angel for your daughter if you have it on,” she explained, smiling softly, “that will protect her for life. Also, the sound will comfort her when she struggles to get to sleep.”

“I painted it!” Nicky said.

“It’s beautiful. I love it,” I muttered to him. “Do you want to put it on me?”

He nodded happily and I gave it to him, who put it around my neck. I pushed my hair up to accommodate it better and the little ball tingled, resting against my belly. I stood up, looking at Allana, concerned for the shock she just had received. However, she was glancing at V and he was corresponding her examination.

“Maybe we should talk alone,” V told her. “If you want.”

“Yes,” she whispered, breathing in. “I’d love to.”

My mouth dropped slightly at V’s proposition. That situation was spinning towards a place I didn’t imagine and, all of a sudden, I felt like an intruder.

“Guys,” I said, turning to my friends, “what if we go for a Christmas tree? We haven’t put one yet.”

“Alright,” Jeremy said, also seeming uncomfortable.

“I haven’t had breakfast,” Maria muttered and Bel glared at her, giving her an elbow.

“Nicky,” I muttered, looking at him, who returned my gaze with interested eyes, “do you want to come with us? You can pick the tree you like.”

“Yes!”

We left Allana and V alone at the house and made our way through the fields with Bel and Jeremy as Aiden and Maria went to the village to purchase some decorations. I was unsure about what they would talk about, considering he didn’t remember her. However, I found strange that he had wanted to have a conversation with her, alone, if that wasn’t the case. The suspicion that he might have remembered something accompanied me all the way and I tried to distract myself, but it was hard.

We walked to a near grove and sat to have a brief picking, to extend the walk and give them more time, before Nicky chose a little tree. Bel and Jeremy cut it with an axe and carried in on their shoulders.

When we returned, a couple of hours later, we found Allana and V at the kitchen, cooking, and him without the mask. However, when we entered, a lot of things happened at once. V tensed up, panic slightly raising to his face. Nicky gasped in surprise at the sight of him and Jeremy did too, uttering an uncharacteristic curse, and almost dropped the tree. Bel was the only one who had seen his face, since she was with me in his rescue, and had taken care of taking him things once at the house.

The surprise that he was uncovered struck me more than seeing him with Allana in such a normal situation. He always had been extremely cautious with his identity and insecure about his appearance. I knew how well he heard, so it was impossible he didn’t hear us about to enter. If he had wanted to hide for real, we would have without problem.

But he was there, uncovered, dressed again with Aiden’s clothes and with an apron, and uneasiness in his features.

“Who are you?” Nicky muttered, pointing at him.

“He’s V, honey,” Allana said with a smile and approached him, lifting him up, carrying him in her arms.

“Really?” Nicky tilted his head, a bit of confusion in his eyes.

Allana approached V again and he gave his sister a fearful gaze and tensed up more. Nicky rose his little hand to him and suddenly, Allana gave her son to V, who held him in his arms with increasing panic.

“The bad ones did this to you?” Nicky asked, full of innocence, and touched his cheek.

“Yes,” V answered in a low voice.

“What?” He asked, interested. “They turned you a superhero?”

“More or less.”

Nicky hummed, scanning him. “You look like my uncle.”

V’s mouth opened slightly in shock and turned to Allana for help. Allana sighed.

“Do you remember what Evey told me?” She said softly. “That she had known my brother and that they had fallen in love and he died a while ago, and not twenty years ago as I thought?”

Nicky nodded and Allana glanced up at V, smiling briefly. Then, V’s features softened, his lips almost curving into a smile.

“Well, very bad people captured him and he escaped, but he wasn’t dead,” she explained. “V’s your uncle. My brother.”

V furrowed slightly, looking at her with a mix of concern, sadness and relief. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing it with softness.

“Wow! Awesome,” Nicky exclaimed happily, almost bouncing in V’s arms.

“But he doesn’t remember much. That bad people erased his memory,” Allana explained.

“Oh…” Nicky muttered and gazed at him.

Bel pushed Jeremy, pulling the tree to make him move and I reacted as well, realizing we had been paralyzed before the scene and closed the door. At the corner of the room, there were a few boxes full of Christmas decorations, which meant that Aiden and Maria had arrived already, having faced the scene just as we did.

“Nicky, do you want to help us to decorate?” Bel asked as she and Jeremy put the tree down, against a wall.

“Yes!” He turned to her, excited, and V put him down.

He ran towards Bel and they started getting things out of the boxes as Jeremy built the support for the tree.

I turned to Allana, utterly confused, and she just gave me a fond smile. “I hope he behaved,” she said as if nothing strange was happening.

“Yes,” I muttered and I saw how V turned around, avoiding my gaze, focusing on the pot behind him. I took advantage of it and gave Allana a confused gaze openly. “Everything alright here?”

“Absolutely. We’ve been catching up,” Allana said with bright eyes. “And we knew you all would come back hungry so we decided to take care of lunch today.”

“It’s… Cottage cake, maybe?” I guessed, remembering the smell from the time she had cooked it during my visit. She told me she always followed her mother’s recipe.

“It is,” she smiled happily.

“Well, alright…” I furrowed, backing away a bit. “I’ll go help with the tree.”

We spent a while decorating the living room and the tree. Nicky was running around non-stop, radiating his extreme energy and constantly approaching V for whatever. He was the novelty for Nicky, his newly discovered uncle, and seemed to want his attention all the time. Allana ended up pushing V to follow her son’s desires and he followed the little boy around indeed, helping him to place garlands on the walls.

I contemplated it all, amazed at how V was interacting with him and Allana, half the time seeming completely in place and the other utterly confused. Meanwhile, my head burned, filling with more questions as the time passed. Allana had told Nicky the truth about V straight away and seemed to be helping her brother integrate into the little family. She knew all the truth and was trusting him without a doubt. Maybe it was because of the happiness of having him close after so many years, that she would accept him, however. He had fixed her heart appearing, but mine was still broken.

And the fact that he looked strangely comfortable around them was eating me inside. Allana had said that he didn’t remember much and the way he acted now gave me the hint that that meeting had revived his forgotten memories. However, I didn’t know how much or what had come to his mind.

We had to set a foldable table and chairs that we had in the junk room so we could eat together and not gathered at the bar. When lunch was ready, we sat together, ready to eat. At first, there was a strange aura among us. The ones who hadn’t seen V before were constantly trying to examine him better but trying to be discrete. I was trying to figure out what was happening around me, desperately needing a glass or two of wine, but not being able to drink it. Bel was focusing more on Nicky, who was pleased with the attention. However, Allana seemed to take control of the situation.

She immediately started to ask questions to our friends to know them better, to discover their stories more. That seemed to pacify the ambient and the conversation set calmly among us, slowly deriving into a friendly chat, with laughs and distended matters. V, instead, was the one who was more rigid, but Allana pushed him to talk from time to time. She even talked about him when he was young and he seemed to be fine with it.

During those instants, the belief that he had remembered something grew stronger. He had never shown interest in his past or had reflected any emotions towards it. But now he enjoyed hearing about it, somehow. Something was different about him, something that didn’t have anything to do with that he was wearing different clothing or that hadn’t his mask on. I was too used to feel the sensations he radiated that I discerned it right away.

Our gazes met a few times during lunch when the others were too distracted talking about whatever that had been brought up into the conversation. And every time he looked at me, I saw hope, a hope he desperately tried to conceal. But he was too transparent in my eyes to fool me.

After finishing, Nicky looked asleep after the long trip and Allana decided to take a nap with him for a while. After we cleaned everything up, Aiden and Jeremy curled on a sofa to watch a movie and Maria let herself fall on the other one, joining them. Bel also decided to take a nap and I followed her, also feeling like resting after how crazy the day had started.

Once upstairs, I stopped a moment before walking to my room by Bel’s door because she wanted to return a sweater of mine that had borrowed. That gave me enough delay to bump into V, who had also walked upstairs and was going to the room where he was, next to Bel’s one.

We looked at each other for a moment before he dropped his gaze to the floor and walked away without saying a thing. I turned around immediately, feeling a stab of pain on my chest.

“V,” I muttered.

He stopped and turned around as well, the need to avoid my gaze and his politeness colliding, showing clearly in his features. V breathed in softly, the tension growing in his body.

“Yes?” He whispered roughly.

I made a gesture for him to come closer and he obliged, a bit hesitant. “What is going on?” I asked him in a low voice, furrowing slightly. “Have you remembered anything?”

His eyes shone suddenly with a strange light. “Not exactly.”

My heart started to beat faster at the confirmation and, for a few moments, I kept quiet, trying to collect my thoughts.

“Then, what?” I managed to say, not very eloquently. “You really act… As if you remember her.”

V sighed, tilting his head a bit. “A part of me does, but it’s not my memory,” he explained. “That part has activated at the very moment I’ve seen her. I feel things now, things I can’t place or name exactly, but that take me back somewhere I can’t remember. All in her is familiar, and it’s… It feels like that, and I just know deep inside. It’s the same with the plate she has cooked. The smell has triggered instantly something in me. I suspect I feel the same way I felt before forgetting. I can get back the feelings, but not the memories. It’s not the first time this happens to me. In the past, I’ve felt this same sensation. Although I didn’t know what it was. I just thought some things felt more alright with me than others. It wasn’t that, apparently.”

Speechless, I stared at him, sensing a mix of joy and happiness on my stomach, about to explode. However, the strange situation between us held those impulses back, the impulse to hug him, glad as I was for him to have gotten back a little piece of himself.

“Well, I’m… Glad you can feel that,” I just said. “What about your mask? I have to say it surprised me that you were around with it.”

V let out a deep sigh, looking down for a moment. “I’ll set it aside indefinitely,” V declared. “I wasn’t much sure at first, I have to be honest. I’m not comfortable but I want to learn to be. And Allana wanted Nick to see me. I was afraid that I’d scare him, although he seems a very strong child.”

“Of course, you weren’t going to scare him,” I muttered. “He seems quite fond of you already, in fact.”

He pressed his lips slightly, his chest raising and falling on a deep exhale, and I saw the uncomfortableness again in him.

“I’ll go sleep for a while,” I said, feeling uncomfortable too. “But, before… Get back some of your clothes. You look really strange in these.”

He cracked a brief, sad smile, giving me a nod. “I know.”

After that, I finally turned around and walked to my room, getting in.

We didn’t talk much during those five days, adjusting ourselves to the place we were occupying right now. V was existing finally just as man, a man with a sister with he had to reconnect and a nephew that constantly demanded his attention. For my part, I was just observing without intervening much.

The three of them spent a lot of time together and when Allana was with the rest of us, V usually took Nick to long walks or played with him. He seemed to be trying to learn really seriously how to interact with kids, how they worked and how he had to act around them. Sometimes he still seemed lost, but Nicky was so happy with his uncles’ attention that V always ended up relaxing.

One of those evenings, Allana was in the kitchen with Maria and me, drinking tea and chatting about college. They both had studied at the same university, the same her mother had taught in and felt like criticising it for a while. Allana had been there just half of the time Maria had, so she dropped her studies to take care of V after what happened to their mother, but she had a lot of things to discuss anyway. While they were discussing how some stupid rules hadn’t changed in twenty years, we heard Nicky laughing like crazy. When we looked through the window, we found V carrying him on his back, returning from a walk. They entered the house and V had a smile on his lips as well, not dropping his nephew even if they were inside already. He told us very excitedly that V had shown him his superpowers, that he could run very fast and throw away things very far. After that, Nicky made him see his favourite cartoon movie and V seemed happy to oblige.

Before I could realize, I was smiling at the sight of Nicky curling against V on the couch as they watched the movie. Nicky was a kid with an affectionate and trusting nature and had accepted V as part of his family right away. And, somehow, that seemed to amaze V and drawn him to the kid, following him wherever. Nicky didn’t care about how he looked, that he didn’t have memories or hadn’t been in his life for five years. Nicky didn’t see him as a monster or a man with blood-stained hands. For him, V was just his uncle with amazing superpowers. The kid had been alone with his mother all his life, and now he had two uncles and, soon, a cousin. That’s all he saw. That’s all he needed to be that excited and happy. And that seemed to make V feel in a strange, comfortable atmosphere in which he could move without being haunted by his past actions.

Allana caught me, making me notice the smile on my lips. Then, she made me accompany her to a walk, putting the excuse that I had to move a bit or my legs would start to resent more.

“V told me about your conversations before I arrived,” she told me right away, after having walked a brief distance from the house. “That you’re considering if you’ll let him be close to your daughter or not.”

“Yes,” I admitted, sighing.

“And how’s the test going by now?”

I hummed, thinking about all I had seen during those days. “I guess it’s going alright,” I admitted. “He’s being really good to Nicky and I have to admit it’s helping to witness it. Though I’m surprised.”

“I’m not. He always had a talent with kids,” she sniggered.

“Really?”

“Really,” Allana nodded, laughing at a memory that crossed her mind, lighting up her eyes. “My mother had a very good friend that worked with her and we used to be invited to her house for dinner. She had a little kid that had an inclination towards him. V always ended up playing with him. He was unable not to oblige. He once admitted to me that felt bad if he didn’t.”

At that point, I could picture V in his past perfectly, after months of imagining and going through his memories. I could picture a very young image of himself, sitting on a table full of people, listening politely at a conversation he wasn’t into, being respectful. I could picture a little kid approaching his chair and patting him on the arm, demanding his attention, and him standing up to follow even if it felt disrespectful, just because he didn’t want to be rude to the kid. I could picture that kind of innocence in him, one that he still had somehow, but was shadowed by all the suffering he went through.

“I see how deeply you love him,” Allana said then, compassionate. “And I understand how much hurt you are by what he did. He’s my brother and I see him like that, even if he doesn’t remember me exactly. But you’re my family too now, and I know how hard is to be a mother. I’ll back you no matter what you choose to do. You choose how to raise your daughter.”

“Won’t you be mad if I don’t let him?” I muttered.

“No, sweetie. Of course not,” she stopped walking, giving me a fond look. “But… If you allow me, I’d like to play my proud sister card once. It’s been twenty years since I’ve been able to do so.”

I giggled, feeling more relaxed. “Alright,” I shrugged my shoulders, smiling.

“He’s trying really hard to amend what he did, to be worthy of trust in your eyes in this matter,” she started, her tone turning a bit more serious. “He’s been asking me to instruct him in pregnancy and parental issues. He’s very interested in knowing how to help you through the months that rest, even if you don’t allow him, in the end. Last night, for example, we had almost a three-hour talk about babies. And I saw he had a bunch of books about these topics in his nightstand. I don’t know where he had got them from, but there they were.”

I listened to her carefully, feeling equal as bad as surprised by her explanation. I wasn’t completely sure V really cared, but he seemed to be very invested.

“He hadn’t even mentioned what has happened between you two,” she said. “The only guidance he has searched is for parenting. We just talked about it in our first talk and he was determinate to respect the limits you had set and accept whatever you decide.”

Suddenly, her features darkened, the proudness disappearing, turning into sorrow, painting her features.

“I know you haven’t talked much about that and V won’t talk about it, not if you don’t ask first. The thing is something has happened to him these months he’s been in that cell. Aside from the obvious. I mean… Internally,” Allana muttered, a bit of roughness appearing in her words. “I know you’re unsure about how trustworthy is he right now and if his words are reliable. If you have doubts when these days end, you might want to ask him.”

Allana’s words haunted me for the next days, after our conversation. It was true that we had barely talked about what had happened to him. He had dismissed it a bit when I asked, and he didn’t seem to be suffering post-traumatic shock or something like that. There weren’t traces of rage either. Bel had talked more with him about it and had told her that he was drugged most of the time and barely remembered anything that wasn’t being tortured or being alone in that cold room under the effects of narcotics. But, clearly, there was more, a part that he had shared just with Allana. I thought that maybe that was what I was feeling every time he was near, that thing that had changed in him and I could feel him radiating now.

The next days felt easier. Christmas’ Eve and Christmas day felt full of joy and revived feelings of childhood in all of us, thanks to Nicky’s presence. All the adults there were collaborating on the secrets of Christmas and bring the magic aura that was appropriate for those days. Nicky woke us all the morning of Christmas and that felt extremely refreshing, more even than placing the gifts under the tree during the night, once he had fallen asleep. Most of us had broken childhoods and had suffered for years. So, being able to live a Christmas that felt true, surrounded by the strange family we formed and sharing gifts as if we were current people, brought pure joy to our tired hearts.

We had managed to get something for Nicky, sneaking one night to go to the village and steal-buy a few toys Allana assured us he would love. We all got something and even my daughter got a few things. Allana had brought her a few pieces of clothing and I found a note between them telling me that there was more waiting for me, back at Setoun. The moment more emotive was when V found out he had a gift too. That was the first true Christmas he could remember and wasn’t used to receive gifts at all. Allana had told me the night before that it was intended to be a gift for me, but considering how the things had turned out, she believed it was more proper to give it to him. She told me what it was and I found it really heart-warming to make that change.

When V opened his gift, he found the hardcover book of Shakespeare sonnets he received for his fifteenth birthday, which had marked his favourite ones and had his own notes everywhere. Inside, there was also a few CD’s he owned, a black t-shirt, a notebook of poems he had written himself, and a compilation of published essays his mother had written. Those personal things touched something in him, making his eyes water slightly, even if the memories continued disappeared.

And, in that pacific and unusual quotidian pace, the moment for Allana and Nick to go back arrived. We were having a last breakfast before Jeremy accompanied them to the village.

“Well,” she said after the last topic died. “I think it’s the moment to talk about certain matters.”

I breathed in, knowing what she meant, and I moved a bit on my chair, uncomfortable. She noticed, but I saw how she had everything under control in her gaze.

“It’s alright if somebody hasn’t decided yet,” she assured. “If one of you comes unexpectedly, it’s not a problem. I just have to know an approximate number.”

V furrowed a bit, confused, looking at her, who was sitting by his side. Allana looked at him, giving him a soft smile.

“Evey will be moving to Setoun in a few weeks. We talked about it when we met, so we could be closer and I could help her with the baby. And it’s probably the safest place in the whole country.”

His lips parted a bit, but I saw he repressed his surprise, dropping his gaze again to the plate before him, not saying a thing. Allana turned again to us.

“And well?” She asked.

“I think we’re all coming,” Bel answered for all of us. “The boys want to establish a bit too, now they are married, and living with others isn’t very comfortable. I, personally, won’t let this crazy-head alone and I have to be close to act like the adopted-aunt I am,” she added, tilting her to me, “and Maria will come because she would get bored without us.”

“True,” Maria muttered with her mouth full of croissant.

“And we’re not planning to get into work for a while, so…” Bel added. “Setoun sounds like an amazing plan.”

“Perfect, then,” Allana said, smiling. “I’ll start to prepare everything for your arrival.”

After breakfast, Allana and Nick picked their luggage and said goodbye to everybody. V and I said farewell to them at the porch, more intimately. She hugged us both and we gave a hug to Nicky too, who barely could let us go. Allana gave a little caress to her brother’s cheek and both shared a brief smile that said a lot of things, but none out loud. Then, they got on one of our recently stolen jeeps and we watched as they got away.

V breathed out softly, looking at me sideways, but keeping quiet. A sudden nervousness hit me, knowing the moment to talk had arrived, and I started to think where it was better to do so.

“It’s really chilly today,” I muttered, hugging myself.

“Certainly,” he whispered.

“Do you want to talk now?” I said, turning to him. “Or later?”

He turned to me as well but kept his gaze down. “Whenever you want.”

I made a pause, pressing my lips on a thin line. “Now,” I said, noticing his suffering increasing in his eyes. “I rather go upstairs. I’m cold.”

V nodded and I got inside again. He followed me all the way to my room, quietly and almost not making a sound. Once the door closed behind him, I sat on the bed, feeling the kicks again and gasping.

“Are you alright?” He muttered right away, concerned.

“Yes. It’s just she’s very active this morning,” I said, caressing my belly.

He sighed and his gaze dropped, staying very quiet by the door. I heard my heart cracking a bit. My hesitation still lingered over my head, but my levels of anger and mistrust had lowered drastically those days.

“Come here and sit with me,” I said, patting the edge of the bed by my side. “It’s weird to talk with you so far.”

V tensed up but obeyed right away, sitting carefully by my side, leaving a bunch of inches between us. I stared at him, waiting for him to look at me, but he didn’t. I could sense his thoughts going at full speed, assuming the worst.

“Allana told me you’ve been asking for parental advice a lot,” I started in a soft tone.

He breathed in a bit raggedly. “Yes.”

“And that a bunch of books had appeared at your room,” I added, almost sniggering. “Have you been sneaking out at night to stole things at the village’s library?”

V tilted a bit his head, seeming uncomfortable. “Yes.”

I held back a smile, breathing in and caressing my bump as I sensed another kick. “Well… I don’t know how’s been for you, but I’ve read a few books like those and made me feel even more unprepared.”

He rose his eyes to me at last, turning slightly his head, wonder and fear were written all over his face.

“I told you I’d have made a decision once Allana returned home,” I muttered, realizing how deeply anxious he was. “And I’ve made it.”

The panic crossed his features and I saw the tension taking over his body. However, he just waited, clenching his jaw. I sat closer to him, making his breath hitch, reaching for his right hand. I sensed the heat of his skin, shivering, realizing I hadn’t touched him that gently since the night I gave him that ring. Driving it with mine, I placed his hand under my sweater, over my bump.

She kicked right away and he let out a breathy pant, his eyes watering and filling with raw emotion.

“I give you this chance, V, to be the father she truly deserves,” I muttered sternly. “And I want you to put all your effort and strength in this role, and I want you to do it truly. So, look me in the eye and promise me it’s real, that you really care about her and that you’ll be everything she deserves. Promise me with all your truth and do it being aware that it’s the last time I believe in you.”

He raised his blue gaze from my belly, hit by a sudden seriousness, a strong determination. “I promise. I promise she will be my everything and I’ll be who she deserves,” he swore resoundingly.

I held his gaze for a few seconds, examining into his soul. He didn’t flinch or vacillate. He kept looking at me with the decision in his eyes.

“Alright,” I said finally. “I believe you.”

He sighed with relief, taking his hand away from me. “Thank you, Evey,” he whispered, a bittersweet smile raising to his lips.

“Thank me with working with me for our daughter,” I said and I saw how his eyes watered more at my words, her being finally ours, and not just mine. “But, if we are going to do this together, there’s something I need to ask you, right now, as a start.”

“Anything.”

I breathed in, closing my eyes for a moment. “I don’t want to keep resentments towards the father of my daughter,” I said. “I want to have a good relationship with you. But to be able to do that, I need to heal. I need that we talk about us, before leaving it behind forever.”

His features saddened as the words came out of my mouth, his gaze dropping with shame shining in it.

“What happened that night, V?” I asked in a low voice. “What was more powerful than coming back to me?”

V’s expression broke even more at my questions and I noticed how he wanted to answer, but struggled with the words.

“I lost myself,” he whispered, so softly that if it wasn’t because of the great silence in the room, I wouldn’t have heard him. “After you told me what had happened to you, I was hurt and I felt weak, although I didn’t know how much. And… Seeing how you were tortured with my own eyes, triggered a lot of things that had been asleep. And I veered.”

His voice broke and, for a moment, I thought he would start crying, but he just breathed in, making a pause.

“I held onto the other part of me that was strong still. I didn’t want to. I really didn’t intend to… And, even so, I felt burned by the fire of revenge. I was so dazzled with the fury that I got myself hurt in the search of those who had been present in your capture. And when I realized I had fallen on the monster inside me again, I felt utterly unworthy of you. I wanted to drown in that desolation.”

I breathed in, shaken by his retelling. It wasn’t something that I hadn’t thought of before, but hearing he had been consumed by the persona from himself wasn’t pleasing to hear.

“That’s why I’ve set it aside. If I keep concealing behind it, the inclinations remain somehow. And I won’t take the risk anymore,” he turned to me, fixing a pair of sorrowful eyes on me. “I broke my promises to you and I won’t stop being sorry for it, ever. But I’ll take care of this oath. I’ll be all the good things for her that I couldn’t be for you.”

“I hope you will,” I whispered, trying to keep collected. “What about these months? Allana told me something more has happened to you. Internally.”

V panicked a bit at my words and took his gaze away. “I prefer not to talk about that.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to compromise the chance you’ve just given me.”

“Why has to be compromising?” I furrowed.

He turned to look at me again, this time with conflicted feelings dyeing his features. “You made clear our relationship was over. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable talking about my feelings for you.”

“I know you have them,…” I answered, feeling a stab of pain in my chest, repressing the continuation. “It won’t be weird. Say whatever you have to say, but I need to know what’s on your mind now.”

V didn’t seem very convinced. However, he was making a clear effort to collaborate in my demand.

“These months imprisoned had been very different from the last time, even if the things I’ve been exposed had been somehow worse. Last time, there was only rage and Valerie’s words to keep me moving forward on my plan to escape. However, this time… This time I had our memories. I had this to hold onto at night,” he looked at his hand, where the ring was. “It wasn’t because I was intending to escape. They were taking good care that I could barely move after the sessions and that the drugs kept me limp most of the time. I couldn’t escape, not from that cell or from myself. And, those nights, you were the only thing I saw. I could see you face if I closed my eyes, and hear your voice… I could even feel your hands if I concentrated enough, keeping me warm, alive even if wanted to die. And, during those nights, I realized how pointless was everything I had done. I had worked for two decades to get my revenge and pave the way for this country to find freedom. Then, it was enough. I had peace with that. I could die with that, just because there wasn’t anything I wished more. And then you came to me, you gave me hope and love, and I wasn’t strong and wise enough to take care of what we had. The persona is useless if I, as a man, am devoid of you. In that cell, I just wished to go back in time, and do the things right with you. I thought I would die sooner or later, and the only thing I could feel was regret because I had shattered repeatedly the only thing I truly loved,” he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “And, after you told me about your pregnancy, I realized I’d have died not only having hurt you deeply but also I’d never have met her. That night I spent it wondering: how she would be, if she would resemble you or would have something of me. I pictured her in a thousand ways, and in all of them, I felt I loved her already, without mattering how she’d really be. I never thought I could love somebody so deeply aside from you, but something in me responded immediately to the news. When Bel asked me those things, I responded accordingly with the reasons that my shame makes in my mind, but my soul responded to it differently. That was enough to make me realize I wanted to be her father, even if I have no clue how to do that.”

When he finished, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I sobbed, letting my tears fall and dried them fast with my sleeves. He turned to me abruptly and I saw his panic sideways.

“Evey, why…?” He stuttered, deeply worried.

I sniffled, covering my eyes, trying to control my hormones working along with his touching words to make me cry. Even after all, I couldn’t bear his suffering. I knew he never had bad intentions towards me and I knew there was truth in his words. My heart was resented but still beat for him. Thinking how lonely he felt in that cell, regretting and holding onto memories, burned my rage and arose my forgiveness.

When I sensed his hand on my shoulder, I uncovered, turning abruptly to him and encircling him with my arms. I sensed how he tensed and I hugged him tighter, burying my face on his shoulder. Unsure, he corresponded me, wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m sorry I was too hard on you the other day,” I muttered.

“Don’t. I deserved it. You had the absolute right to be mad at me and push me away. I’ve hurt you too much during these years. It’d have been hell that you denied me to be her father, but I’d have understood it,” he whispered, caressing my head. “Maybe I’m a stupid brat, for real.”

I sniggered. “Allana has told you,” I said, smiling a bit against his shoulder.

“She has,” V murmured, sounding more relaxed. “All that doesn’t matter now, anyway. It’s over.”

I nodded and pulled away, sniffling and drying my silent tears. I gazed up to him, who had a mixture of concern and fondness in his pupils.

“Friends, then?” I muttered with a brief smile, raising my hand to shake his.

He grabbed it, driving it to his lips and pressing a kiss against my knuckles. “Yes.”

I turned on the light of the room abruptly, backing on the doorstep. V reclined right away on his bed, looking at me with his eyes half-closed, blinded. However, when he saw me, he woke up right away.

“It’s happening,” I said with a hand on my belly.

He stood up fast, coming to me, excitement and worry colliding in his expression. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

His pupils shrunk. “I’ll call the doctor.”

I nodded, breathing in, sensing another contraction as he picked up his mobile and called the doctor.

After we had reconciled, everything had been calmer than I ever remember between us. We were managing pretty well being friends and, somehow, it didn’t turn out weird. Maybe it was because our priority now was the same and that made things easier. Also, everything we had advanced when we were together remained, so we didn’t have to return to the beginning. The fact that the persona was asleep indefinitely also helped, the conflict between the man and the façade vanishing. V was free to be the man without worrying for the revolution or for keeping himself controlled. He hadn’t the pressure either to conceal himself or be afraid, so everybody around him knew all the truth about him and had seen him. For once, he was surrounded by compression and acceptance, and nobody judged him.

He had been by my side doing all he could to help me, following Allana’s advice. And, eventually, the moment to leave the White Meadow and move to Setoun arrived. Allana had been preparing our arrival to the detail. Everybody knew about us already, V included. However, she told everybody he was Victor, her brother who broke free from a concentration camp and hid somewhere, and that we had met after the Fifth. It was everything true, although not exactly. In the eyes of the world, V had disappeared again, after showing himself during that month. Some thought he was plotting his big step; others, that he had died. Anyway, the good thing was that he could be around the town without worrying.

Also, Allana took care of our housing. She got Jeremy and Aiden a little house in the middle of the town and another near the hotel for Maria and Bel. Regarding the jobs, she told them they could get whatever they want once they settled. Instead, she had something extra special for us. Following the road where the hotel was, near it, there was a little house in front of the beach that was inhabited. I saw it every time we had walked by the sand and once I showed interest in it, telling her it seemed a nice place to live. Taking my words by heart, she had restored it for us to live, as a gift.

However, when I saw it, the house I had seen on those walks had nothing to do with the one she showed us. The new one was more modern and fancier, rectangular and wider, with a white façade and a wooden porch all around. It had big windows facing the beach on the ground floor and at the second floor, giving a sensation of elegance and openness.

When she showed us inside, I worried even more that all that had been too expensive to build and decorate. The ground floor was composed of a modern kitchen full of things and a giant living room. At the space near the window, there was a wide sofa with a fireplace incrusted on the wall and huge tele above it. At the other part, there was a big table surrounded by shelves, that she claimed that weren’t there at first, but being sure V would be around she put them there.

The upper floor had six rooms. Two were single bedrooms and one was ready for a baby, with furniture included; one, a bathroom, and one was empty. The one left was the main bedroom, that had the window facing at the beach. Inside, there was a king-size bed, a huge closet on the wall and a bathroom that had a shower and a big tub.

Allana dismissed my worries, not accepting that I thought it was too much, saying every time that I couldn’t reject a gift. V didn’t say much, seeming more focused in looking at the sea every time he could. I realized it was the first time he was seeing it, that he could remember. Allana realized too, telling him that he loved going to the beach when he was young and swim for hours. He looked like another sensation had awakened after seeing it.

After the shock of the house for me, and the sea for him, he told me he could stay at the hotel if I wanted, but Allana pressured V to stay with me and I didn’t feel strange at all, having him there. He kept one of the single rooms and I stayed at the main.

The next weeks we got used to the house and the place. We spent most of the time together or with our friends, walking or doing something at our new house. V didn’t waste any time and went to try to swim the first morning after arriving. I saw him returning wet through the window when I woke up and I couldn’t help a smile. He seemed freer.

We also prepared the approaching arrival of our daughter, accommodating her room more and getting the things necessary for a baby around the house. Also, we spent hours and hours discussing the name, usually at night, looking at name books on the sofa, before the fireplace. One of them had been marked by him, who had continued one of the nights after I fell asleep on his shoulder. When I saw it, it seemed so wonderful to me and so appropriate that we knew we had found it. She would have the name of our truth, the truth that love wins every battle and vanishes all the pain. In the end, she was our truth.

And the time had arrived at last. Allana picked us up with her car and drove us to the doctor’s house, where he had his consulting room, already prepared for me. And, effectively, he determined I was on labour. Sammuel, the doctor, only let V stay with me, even if everybody showed up in the middle of the night at his house to see me. He made them wait in the adjacent room.

V held my hand through it all, letting me squeeze it through the pain, giving me tender words and encouraging me. And, all of a sudden, the pain vanished with the sound of a cry. I rose my head, sensing my tears of joy fell and catching the glimpse of the baby in the doctor’s hands. He approached, putting her on my arms, over my chest, so little and beautiful. I had felt how powerful love can be, but the first time I had my daughter in my arms, the concept redefined for me again. The emotion and the love I felt towards her arrived at me like and hurricane, shaking every part of my being, leaving me completely devoted to that life in my hands.

V laughed with watery eyes, bending over me to look for the first time at our daughter, shaken by the same love I felt.

“Vera.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> Vera is here finally! <3 Let's see how they manage family life now... I think I'll have the next chapter ready for Sunday, maybe even sooner.
> 
> The playlists are updated. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/).
> 
> See you soon! <3


	18. All your love I'll take to the grave and all my life starts now

_Six months later_

_August_

V rocked Vera in his arms, humming softly as she closed her little blue eyes, slowly falling asleep and her grip around her favourite rattle loosening. She muttered a soft grunt as he approached the cot in her room, opening her eyes widely again, and he giggled, smiling lovingly.

“I can have her for another while, if you want,” I muttered softly, backed on the doorstep, contemplating the scene.

“It’s alright,” he whispered in a very low voice without taking his eyes off her. “She’s almost asleep. You can rest.”

However, I didn’t move from where I was. V continued rocking his daughter in his arms, surrounded by the faint darkness of the room, smiling and humming. When he was so immersed in those moments, I always felt like I couldn’t take my eyes away, immensely happy as I was.

Vera was born in the middle of February and we were in August already. Time had flown and, at the same time, it seemed to have passed an eternity from those months of pain. In those last months since she was born, there hadn’t been space for anything but love and happiness, and mounts of lost hours of sleep at night.

Allana said Vera resembled V very much and, after having seen a lot of photos of him as a kid, I could confirm it. She had his features and his deep blue eyes, except for the lips, that seemed mine. Also, Vera was very hairy too. She had born with a bit of mane already and had been turning crazier as she grew. It was still thin, but we knew already she would have his hair too.

Everybody was totally enamoured with her. Our friends dropped constantly at our house to visit her and melt every time she laughed or smiled at them. Nicky was also incredibly excited about his new-born cousin and spent a lot of hours with us, after school. He couldn’t play much with her yet, but when she started to grab things at four months, he always stayed to watch over her.

Regarding me and V, we managed parenting, even if we didn’t know how most of the time. Allana helped us a lot and guided us when our new parents side made us freak out. Sometimes it was terrifying when Vera started to cry and nothing made her stop or the paranoia that she stopped breathing because I had read something about sudden death in babies months ago in a book. Also, waking up in the middle of the night was something that had turned a habit. She slept a lot during the first two months but, after that, she used to wake up crying at night. It was a luck that V didn’t sleep as much as the rest of us, mere mortals. He had assured me that I could continue sleeping, that he would take care of whatever she needed if it wasn’t because she was hungry. However, my maternal instinct woke me up anyway and I found impossible to stay in bed while she cried.

The truth was that V was totally invested in her, as he promised, and it was honest. He looked at her with a spark, a supreme love that showed she was his everything, truly. In those moments, like that one, it was hard to believe that he was the same man I met, so tenacious and brutal. With his daughter, he radiated just pure love and fondness. And I couldn’t be happier to have taken the risk to believe in him again, knowing for sure he wouldn’t ever neglect her. Vera would have her father by her side, always.

I slipped out the room, in the end, giving him a moment with her alone, walking downstairs to the living room. I looked for a moment out the windows, not seeing a single thing among the obscurity of that night. Sighing, I laid on the sofa, putting a pillow against the armrest to back on it, and grabbed something I had hidden under it. I stared at the creeping fireplace for a moment, which V had lighted after fearing an especially chilly night, even if it was August. Then, I opened V’s notebook from his teenage years and started reading.

Allana had a few things she kept from his brother in the attic of the hotel, inside boxes, and sometimes she found new ones. That notebook was one she had forgotten and found just in time for Christmas. It was meant to be a gift for me but, considering the owner was alive, she ended up gifting it to him.

I knew he had read it, but when I asked to have a look at it, the notebook suddenly disappeared. I was too curious about it so, when I found it while cleaning behind the books he had added to the shelves, I had to read it. I hid it under the sofa to do it once I had a moment.

Most of the things written inside were poems, mainly sonnets. Some were about him grieving after the death of his mother, but mostly I found bravery and love in the lines he composed. Those poems made me snort from time to time, clearly written by a very young boy, but had a troubadour hint that made them very lovely.

“Oh, no. You’ve found it.”

I rose my eyes, noticing V behind the couch. I pressed the notebook against my chest, smiling slyly as he lowered, backing against the back of the sofa, approaching me. I saw the fluster clearly in his eyes and I covered the notebook more with my hands.

“Has she fallen asleep already?” I asked, even if it was obvious.

“Yes,” V said. “But don’t change the subject.”

“Come on. I was having fun,” I muttered, smiling more.

“The forgotten youngster inside me is very ashamed of those sonnets,” V explained, a bit playfully. “I felt very uncomfortable and strange reading them, and I’m getting strangely nervous now you’re reading it.”

“Well, consider it as working in your asleep sensations.”

V sighed, his head dropping in a tired gesture. “Do you have to read it, really?” He asked, furrowing a bit.

“Yes.”

He shook his head and straightened up, walking out of the room, while I giggled at his embarrassment.

Those months we had been trying things that Allana said that V loved before forgetting, so he could get back the sensations, at least. Most of the things that we had done were watching movies and playing the CD’s that Allana lent us, which had music he or both of them listened. We had been doing that before Vera was born and the first months, although lately, we hadn’t had much time.

Actually, we weren’t alone hardly ever. We spent our time taking care of Vera and surrounded by our friends and family. And, if we were alone, we were focused on our daughter. We just had two spaces of free time and we had agreed without saying it out loud that was for ourselves. Before the sunrise, he walked out of the house to swim at the beach and returned before we woke up, usually. And, in my case, after giving Vera breakfast, Allana and Bel appeared by our door to pick me up and start our matutine jogging. Allana had been helping me to recover after labour and Bel to get in shape again because I felt I had to be ready. It was an unspoken truth that none of us had forgotten who we were and that the nervousness of expecting New England to become the new Norsefire was in our heads constantly. However, we were living calmly for once and didn’t dare to bring up the issue, not yet.

The truth was that I missed having time alone with V. Living in that calmness and seeing V get better every day, focused on his daughter, made my wounds heal until I noticed they had disappeared completely. The memories of what happened a year ago seemed more distant in time, as if had happened a decade ago. And I realized that my feelings for him had broken the standby I had put them on after he broke my heart again. I realized I always cherished some hope of getting back together, because I never stopped relying on him, or wanting to do so even at the worst times, when I repeated myself that he was not trustworthy. I never been able to take off my ring. I kept feeling the nervousness attack me if he was too close or melting if he smiled widely, laughed or talked in a low, humming voice when Vera was asleep.

It wasn’t fair. Loving him hadn’t been easy at all, but he made me fall in love all over again, every day, and I had no escape from that. Although, feeling like that was utterly scary now, more than ever had been. He was so focused on his promises that I feared that he had fallen out of love, in the end. I knew he loved me, somehow, since he still was tender to me and cared about me. Although, it wasn’t the same. He was acting accordingly to what we were now: friends and parents. Nothing out of that. I was sure he was keeping his ring on because I did too, but I doubted he still looked at it at nights when he couldn’t sleep, just as I did.

Considering those things and keeping my feelings controlled was hard. Nevertheless, I refused to make things weird between us. I knew how much he cherished the opportunity I had given to him and I didn’t want to mess the relationship we had, the calmness we had acquired. I considered I was stronger than I had ever been now and I could manage to keep myself collected. But every time he appeared, I doubted on my strength.

V returned, approaching me with a glass of red wine and a steaming cup. He gave me a brief smile, handing me the cup. I sensed the smell of lemon balm instantly.

“For you,” he said softly.

“Thank you,” I furrowed slightly, reclining better to hold it. “Do I seem nervous?”

“No,” he admitted, sitting on the sofa, leaving a space between us. “But I’ve heard you moving a lot these past nights and you seem restless in the morning.”

I sighed, feeling a bit caught. Even so, there was no way he suspected he was the reason for my lack of sleep. “You’re a parabolic.”

He sniggered, taking a sip of wine and looking at me with amusement in his eyes for a second, changing into worry right away. However, he didn’t say anything else, leaning over for a moment to check the baby monitor on the tea-table was turned on. He grabbed a book he had left there and started to read, not saying another word.

I doubted if proposing to see a movie or something, but he seemed so focused I didn’t dare to disturb. Instead, I just drank my infusion and continued going through his forgotten sonnets.

I had been holding back my laughter for a while until I found a particular cheesy poem that made me start to chuckle without being able to stop. V turned to me, his features filling with pure embarrassment. I covered my face with the notebook, trying to stop.

“I’m sorry,” I tittered.

If I hadn’t known he had wrote them, it wouldn’t have been so funny. But they were his, from a point in his life when he was absolutely naïve and stupidly young. We all had embarrassing things and discovering his was a really funny revelation to me.

I uncovered my eyes, still covering half of my face with the notebook, and looked at him, who appeared to be very uncomfortable.

“Haven’t you had enough?” He grunted.

“No. This is gold,” I said, uncovering fully.

“They are awful,” V sighed, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips.

“What are you saying?” I claimed, reclining straighter and glancing at the poem again and starting to read out loud. “_You are more medley, tender and distant._”

“Oh, God…” He grunted, utterly ashamed.

“_Cold fogs hide the oceans of November_,” I continued reading theatrically. “_And autumntime has the loving assistant_.”

“Stop, please.”

“No, wait, this is my favourite,” I returned to pages back. “_My brave princess, you recline me to death. And I love the way you break my hidden wall, filtering in my mind now and killing my breath, always hoping to find you at the hopeless hall._”

I glanced up to him again, finding he had covered his eyes with his hand, terribly embarrassed now. I let out a little laugh, closing the notebook, and he uncovered himself.

“You were such a romantic,” I teased him, touching his thigh with my foot, stretching my leg.

He grunted, looking away for an instant and taking a big sip of wine. I left the notebook at the tea table and sat crossing my legs, facing him. V sighed, seeming relieved.

“What are you reading?” I said once we kept quiet for too long.

V showed me the cover of the book: Hamlet. I wondered how many times had he read it already.

“Aren’t you sleepy?” He asked in a low voice.

“Not much,” I tilted my head, knowing it wasn’t completely true.

V sighed, leaving the book on the table and throwing me a glance full of worry. “Evey… I know that maybe you don’t want to share certain things with me,” he started, sounding deeply concerned. “But if you don’t feel alright or you are worried about something… Just tell me what I can do to help you.”

I blinked fast, trying to comprehend the reason behind his words, failing. “I’m totally fine and… Of course, I’d tell you if that was the case.”

“Alright,” he whispered.

When he looked away and took another sip of wine, I saw a well-known trace of unsureness on his features, realizing what he was thinking.

“Do you still think I don’t trust you?” I muttered, furrowing sadly.

He turned to me again, seeming surprised as much as uneasy. I let out a tired sight, feeling a pang of guilt.

“You do,” I declared.

“I haven’t said that.”

“But it’s true.”

His gaze dropped, filling with sudden sorrow. “No,” he cleared right away. “I know you trust me as Vera’s father and as your friend.”

“Then? What is it?”

“Maybe I just have a bad day,” he admitted, sighing, finishing his glass. “I try not to think much of what I did, although sometimes I can’t help it.”

My heart tingled with compassion. I closed the distance between us, sitting by his side. V breathed out softly, fixing his sad eyes on mine.

“You’re allowed to have a bad day, V,” I muttered, wanting to reassure him with all of me. “You did things wrong, it’s true, but you’ve learned from them. I know you’re not going to make the same mistakes in the future. You are being a great father and you will continue being one. I’ve seen how much you’ve worked to amend the past and maybe, I should have said this before because I feel I’ve never said it clearly, but… You’re forgiven. You’ve won my trust back, completely.”

His eyes watered slightly and he gave me a brief, broken smile. “Really?” He muttered emotively.

“Of course,” I stated, smiling, and deciding to be a bit playful to soothe his tension. “But don’t get me wrong. It’s not because you’ve been so good father these months, or because you work with me and also in your faults, to get better for her… No.”

He sniggered, his expression relaxing. I smiled widely too, seeing as his troubled thoughts vanished.

“It’s because of your eyes,” I continued jokingly. “I can’t be mad at you, being the reason why Vera’s gotten those beautiful eyes.”

“I don’t think that’s enough of a reason,” he tittered, a little embarrassed.

“Shush,” I muttered, making him chuckle again. “What if we watch a movie? Or you wanted to go to sleep?”

“I slept some last night, so I don’t think I’ll sleep much today. If you’re alright, it’s good for me.”

I smiled more. “Let’s choose something, then.”

We watched Say Anything…, one of the movies Allana had told me she used to watch with V because it was one of her favourites when young and always dragged her brother into the movie session. V reacted to the main song instantly and told me he certainly felt something through the movie.

I spent all the time feeling uneasy, sensing the tendency to sit close to him and curl by his side. There was something that felt wrong in having him at an arm length, but that was how things were now.

When the movie ended, we stayed there for a while. He assured me I could go to sleep. However, I wanted to enjoy that time alone with him a bit more, not knowing when I would have another one.

We talked a while more about the move and, unavoidably, about the recent advances of Vera, of how she was starting to mutter syllables. We had been closing the distance between us without realizing, almost touching now. He was turned to me and I sat before him with my legs crossed, backing my elbow on the sofa’s back and holding my head, listening to him as he spoke.

Suddenly, the moment had started to feel like the old times, when even our couple problems seemed easier than what was about to come. We were just talking and laughing, close to the other, not thinking about anything else.

“I’ve never thanked you,” he said suddenly, turning a bit serious, but keeping the fondness in his features.

“For what?” I muttered softly, enjoying how the sparkle of the fireplace shone in his gaze.

“For this life,” V answered, emotion melting in his features. “I would be dead by now, or in the best-case-scenario, entombed in the Gallery still, if it wasn’t for you. It’s because of you that now I have true freedom and a reason to live. It’s you who gifted me the treasure that is Vera.”

I found myself speechless, all of a sudden, before his unexpected words and the way he was looking at me. There was an openness that was new, a raw emotion that wasn’t being disturbed by pain or sorrow. His gaze was just full of truth, of sincere affection.

“And I hope that when she grows up, she becomes a woman so wonderful and resilient as her mother,” he added in a lower voice.

“Why are you trying to flatter me?” I barely muttered, feeling my voice was dying in my throat.

“I’m just stating a truth,” he said, smiling softly.

My heart got out of control at that smile, too sweet for my soul to bear. Fear started to curl on my stomach, colliding against a tingling that had started to cover my whole body. If I didn’t flee from that situation soon, I would end up doing something I would regret. And, even so, I couldn’t find the strength to move from that spot by his side, staring directly into the bright ocean in his irises.

A sudden seriousness hit his features, intertwining with the softness he was processing right then. “It’s been very relieving for me to know I have your trust again,” V continued, letting out a brief sigh, turning around more on the sofa, backing his arm on the back of it, his hand almost touching my elbow. “It’s the only thing I ever hoped to win back, with time. Although, honestly, I thought it’d need years to soothe enough what I did.”

I sighed, rubbing my nape for a moment, trying to control my body, about to burst and betray me. “You have the luck that I can see through you,” I admitted, cracking a sly smile to cover my senses getting crazy. “I know you never have mean intentions, even if you screw it really badly. And… Now, with perspective, I think nothing would have happened if I had felt better. I’d never let you go alone out there, suspecting you weren’t alright. But… If we hadn’t gone through those months apart, maybe we wouldn’t have met Allana and Nicky and you would be struggling with the same problems in your head. Somehow, your mistake was necessary to get this happiness. Consider it like that.”

V smiled lightly, looking away for a second, before returning his gaze shinning with tenderness. “You’re right,” he whispered.

“We all have things we wish we never did. We all have wronged somebody at some point,” I said. “It’s human. We aren’t perfect.”

“Certainly not,” he cracked a sad smile.

“Come on,” I breathed out softly, lowering my hand to his, placing mine over it. “You’re doing really good. You’re a man and now you’re enjoying that side finally. And I hope you’ve realized you’re not that monster you thought, now you’re surrounded by people who care about you, who love you, and not constantly debating yourself with your persona.”

He seemed a bit uncomfortable at the mention of his other side. “I’m better in that regard, it’s true. However, the persona is still there, and I have to admit I’m more reticent about it than ever before.”

“You’ll have to pick your mask up at some point. We all will return. The war is not over,” I said, interlacing my fingers with his. “But you don’t have to be afraid of yourself. Once I told you that the persona is you as much as your man side, and it’s alright to live with both. And you won’t lose yourself again. You’ll be enough healed of the past when the time to come back arrives. It won’t be like the last time. And Vera is the strength you needed, the point of balance that you lacked between your two sides. She will be your North. And you won’t be alone out there never again.”

He breathed out, staring at me fondly. “Maybe she is my North now, but you’ve always been, and always be, my vane.”

My heart skipped a beat and I tittered, feeling my control flattering. “Vanes move a lot. Are you telling me I’ve been driving you crazy?” I joked, leaning closer to him without realizing.

“I can’t deny that,” he whispered in a husky tone, as his pupils expanded and his eyes half-closed.

His voice made me shiver furiously, my smile falling away. That tone resembled too much at the one he threw at me when we were intimate and it attacked my sanity as much as it did in the past. I sensed the heat raising in my body as I noticed we were dangerously close now, enough for me to sense the scent of his breath, the soft caress of it on my face.

I had to move away. I had to flee from that moment before I did something that we both would regret. And I still couldn’t move, driven by the truth of my heart, the desires it harboured keeping me quiet there.

I loved him. It never stopped. Not for a second. Even after all, I couldn’t help that feeling and I had known it since forever. It was one of the most absolute truths I had in my whole life. I couldn’t fight the feeling, even if spent my days fighting its manifestations.

However, now, with his voice vibrating inside me and his soft eyes fixed on mine, his face so close, and the feeling of his hand interlaced with mine, I felt I was showing myself. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t, for Vera, because we were doing so good, and messing things wouldn’t be right for her.

But it would be a complete lie to say I wasn’t dying for him to approach and press his lips against mine. It would be a lie that I wouldn’t let him take me right there and give into him like I wished to be able. I dreamt about him loving me again, the way he passionately did before everything shattered. I wanted him back. I wanted us together.

V closed his eyes; I did too, when he pressed his forehead against mine, a hot exhale of breath he made colliding against my lips, parting, expectant. It was the last moment to pull away, but, suddenly, I couldn’t remember why I had to. I just felt my chest oppressed and my whole body tingling with the need of him, a craving that was hurting me after a whole year of lacking his love. It would be a complete lie to say I didn’t want him wholeheartedly right him.

When his lips touched mine, softly, gently, it felt like a wave colliding against me, a year of needing him suddenly making itself visible. I whimpered at the very moment, pressing myself closer to his face, kissing him deeper, starting to shake at the missed sensation. Taken by the intoxicating emotion of his lips, I took my hands to his cheeks, trapping him with desperation. V moaned too, receiving my eager mouth without putting up any resistance, heating so fast I thought his body had set on fire.

My senses exploded at the sound he made and I drove one of my hands to his nape, as the other gripped the chest of his shirt, dragging him to lay over me when I let myself fall back on the sofa. He moved with me without resisting, without breaking the kiss, placing himself between my legs. A hard shiver shook me when I sensed his hips pounding on mine, making me utter a needy sound he answered with a husky grunt, kissing me with increasing passion. That couldn’t be wrong. Something that felt so right couldn’t be wrong.

Lost in his hot kisses, trembling with need, I could think of nothing else but the need of feeling him, devour his whole body and break under his touch. My fingers searched for the edge of his shirt desperately, pushing it up. He broke the kiss, gripping the back, freeing himself from it as two dilatated pupils looked into my soul with the same desperation I felt. I shivered furiously and I rose to meet his lips again, starting to unbutton my own shirt and cast it away. Then, I drove my hands all over his trunk and back, needing to feel him, needing to touch the beautifulness of his body. V hissed, adding a slight pressure over my hips with his, and I noticed right away the excitement stirred in him, concealed by his trousers.

Feeling my mind clouded at the sensation, but my need fuelled by the knowledge that, in a way, whatever it was, he wanted me too, I lowered my touch to the edge of his trousers, him arching to allow my fingers to unzip them. And, all of a sudden, a cold rush hit me, him vanishing from above me like a dream at the break of dawn.

Confused, I opened my eyes, finding him sitting again, more separated from me, already putting his shirt on again. I sat slowly, trying to process what had been about to happen. The reality, the sour reality, arrived to my mind like poison at the sight of the pure regret in his features, mixing with the excitement still lingering in his eyes.

“I apologize,” he muttered in a low voice. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

I felt my eyes water, now shaking with embarrassment and disappointment. I reached for my shirt on the floor, putting it on again, trying not to make a fool of myself more.

“No… I’ve started it. I’m the one who’s sorry,” I said, feeling my throat tightening.

I stood up, feeling the strong need to run away fast from there, grabbing the cup from the table. I turned to him, without raising my gaze from the floor, afraid that if our gazes met, he would notice my disappointment.

“Goodnight, V,” I muttered fast, walking away.

I went to the kitchen, leaving the cup on the dishwasher and walking upstairs without making a sound. I forced myself to put my pyjamas on before landing on my bed. Once my head hit the pillow, the tears fell unavoidably, even if I tried to hold them back.

I woke up with the distant sound of the waves, noticeable thanks to the deep silence that the house harboured. I sat on the edge of the bed, keeping my eyes fixed on the parquet before me. My body felt as if I had been beat up and now all the bruises had cooled down, hurting even more.

When I stood up, raising my eyes to the window, I saw a figure walking towards the house. V was returning from his matutine swim, with his trunk bare and a towel hanging from his neck, carrying his shirt on his hand. I turned around instantly, feeling punched on the face by the sight of him, making me remember last night, the blush of embarrassment and desire climbing to my cheeks.

I had fallen on a well from which I didn’t think I could get out now. Last night, I had opened the doors of my feelings, ones that weren’t supposed to slip off my heart. It wouldn’t be a problem if he felt the same, but all the vibes that I got now were that he had forgotten me for the sake of our daughter and our parenting together. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t forget him, no matter how I tried. It seemed like it grew stronger every time I tried to rip those feelings off my chest.

Maybe it was how it had to be. We never had our timing right. Everything in our relationship as a couple had been a race to catch the other, never getting it right. We had started to work along well once we stopped trying. I could understand he had just get carried away last night. I could understand he felt needy. And, although I could throw myself into that, neither of us would do. He had pulled away just in time before we could regret it more. But it had been just a slip.

I went for Vera, who started crying as soon as I approached her room, with intention to walk downstairs. I grabbed her, holding her in my arms.

“Good morning, honey,” I said happily, caressing her thin mane. “Are you hungry?”

She looked at me with her sleepy blue eyes, making a pout, and tilting towards the cot again, trying to reach something stretching her little arm. I uttered a little laugh.

“You want this, right?” I said, grabbing the rattle and giving it to her.

She grabbed it and shook it. “Ma!”

I smiled more, kissing her soft forehead. “Let’s walk downstairs and find daddy, what do you think?”

She smiled, the edges of her incipient teeth showing, warming my heart and making me feel instantly better. I walked downstairs with her and we bumped into V right away, who was drinking some water at the kitchen, his shirt already on. His features lighted up at the very moment he saw Vera, leaving the glass aside and approaching us. Vera uttered a happy sound, stretching her arms to him. I passed her to his arms and he received her with a wide smile.

“Good morning, my love,” V muttered with pure joy, cupping her head delicately. “How has slept my little princess?”

Vera screeched, shaking her rattle and he laughed, his eyes shining brightly. Then, he looked at me, his gaze turning duller. It broke my heart, knowing he hadn’t let what happened last night pass, but I didn’t show it. I grabbed Vera again.

“Go shower, don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll change and fed her.”

“Are you sure? Aren’t Bel and Allana coming soon?” He muttered.

“Yes, but I have twenty minutes still. It’s enough.”

He nodded, coming closer to press a kiss over Vera’s head and slipped out of the kitchen. Trying to shake those thoughts off my head, I focused on Vera. I changed her nappy and breastfed her sitting on the couch. When she didn’t want more, I left her at the playpen we had on a corner of the room, near the window, because she liked to look at the ocean. I played with her, with her toys there, until V showed up again.

I stood up as he came closer. “My turn,” he said in a soft tone. “Get ready calmly. I’ll open the door if they arrive.”

I held back a sad sigh. “Alright.”

With my heart beating heavily, I started to walk away, with the intention to return to my room to change my clothes.

“Evey,” V called me and I turned around, surprised. He approached me with pure guilt in his features. “Before you go, can we talk for a second?”

“Of course,” I said, sensing my mouth suddenly dry.

“I’m feeling pretty uneasy about last night,” he muttered without more hesitation, his eyes darkening at the memory. “I don’t know what got into me. I’m very sorry.”

My heart cracked a bit more at his words. I knew he hadn’t any intention towards me, but it still hurt.

“It’s fine, really,” I assured, faking security. “It was just a slip. Nothing you have to be sorry about, or worry about. If you are good, I’m good too.”

“I guess…” he breathed out, furrowing sadly.

“Then don’t give it much thought. It’s been a long time for both of us and… Maybe we got too comfortable last night. But that’s it. No hard feelings.”

V sighed, his gaze dropping to space between us for a second. I held my breath, trying to control my galloping heart and my limps starting to shake from nervousness.

“Alright,” he just muttered, raising his gaze to me, and returning to Vera.

Feeling a mix of sadness and disappointment, I walked upstairs to put on my jogging suit and return downstairs as I tied my hair in a ponytail. I said goodbye to Vera and got out of the house. I encircled the building, walking by the porch until arriving to the rear part, where the road was.

There, in the middle of the way, Allana and Bel were already waiting for me.

“I see you haven’t dragged Maria in today either,” I said, trying to sound joyful.

“I’ve given up,” Bel sighed, placing her hands on her hips.

“You don’t look well,” Allana said as soon as I approached them, furrowing in worry. “A long night maybe? Has Vera woke up much?”

I sighed, suddenly feeling the weight of the truth. “Yes. But not because of Vera.”

When I thought we were enough far from our house, I explained everything to them. None of them seemed surprised. They didn’t think V didn’t love me anymore, that he was just being cautious. However, I wasn’t so sure that was the case.

A couple of days after what happened, we all went to the beach. Those weeks the weather had been especially good and we were trying to make the most of it. Also, it was harder now for us to find a moment to be together since most had gotten a job at the town. Aiden was working as a bartender at the pub, helping the old man that owned it. Jeremy, instead, was taking care of the little communications tower. Bel was working at the store, meanwhile, Maria helped Allana with the economic issues of Setoun. V and I switched to help at the hotel if Allana needed it.

Aiden and Jeremy were playing volleyball behind the place where we had the umbrellas and towels, while Allana and V were at the shore with Nicky and Vera. I was sitting on my towel, staring at them, although my eyes were constantly on him. It gave me a bittersweet sensation to see him in that moment.

Every time we were there, at the beach, I couldn’t help but contemplate how V moved around, with just a pair of swimming trunks and sunglasses. Everybody at the town knew him and had seen his skin multiple times. At first, it had been harder for him to go out at the town, but he finally found out it wasn’t as bad as he thought. Allana had taken care to explain everybody he had broken free from his imprisonment thanks to a fire, so nobody reacted really surprised when first meeting him. For me, seeing him take off his clothes and enjoy life was incredible. I had witnessed all the process to get over his shame and that felt like a total victory.

However, after what happened a couple nights ago, it was even harder to look at him and not be flustered. The sight of him, so free and beautiful, laughing and playing with the kids, was too much for my heart. Just the memory of his hot lips and my hands all over him gave me goosebumps and the sensation that I was running out of air.

“Girl,” Maria uttered suddenly, laying on her towel under the bright sun. “You need a shag urgently.”

“What?” I returned to reality all of a sudden, turning to Maria, by my side.

She reclined a bit, looking at me above her sunglasses. “Trying to have it away with your ex and ogling him is no good, my friend,” she said. “You’re drooling.”

“Shut up,” I shook my head. “I was just looking at the water.”

“Sure,” she laid down again, placing her sunglasses right.

“By the way, how do you know that?” I asked, turning around to glare at Bel, sitting in a foldable chair behind us, under one of the umbrellas.

“Maria, you’re a blabber,” Bel snapped, “It’s the last time I tell you anything.”

“As if it was a surprise,” she snorted. “The strange thing is how long this has taken to happen. You two are irritating, I swear. Why don’t you two get back together and stop fooling around like two teens? Seriously.”

“We’re not getting back together,” I stated, feeling a stab of sadness.

“Well… Then, at least live a little. You’ve had a child, not turned into a nun. There are a few succulent boys around here.”

“Yeah, right…” I laughed, shaking my head. “Like who?”

“The baker.”

“Ollie?” I screeched, laughing in disbelief.

The bakery at the town was run by a young man named Ollie. He came from Edinburg a few years ago to find a bit of peace, away from the tyranny, after a friend of his moved in after finding Setoun by chance. He had learned the trade from his father and decided to open the bakery once he arrived since there wasn’t anything similar.

He was indeed very handsome, with a pair of deep brown eyes and a bright ginger hair, curly and always tied in a bun. He was also tall and corpulent and had a smile that had the whole town enamoured.

“Well,” Bel added. “He’s hot, that’s true.”

I turned around again, giving her a hard look, but not saying anything. She shrugged her shoulders, appearing innocent.

“I’m just saying, that if you’re so sure you two are not going to get back together,” Maria continued with a dragged tone, tiredly, “you should consider living your youth a bit.”

“Maria, she’s still in love with him,” Bel stated. “That’s the problem.”

“The quickest way to get over one man is to get under another one,” Maria declared with absolute openness. “And, by the way, I know Ollie’s into you. He asked me if you were single or not a couple of days ago.”

“What?” Bel screeched.

My mouth dropped in shock. “Are you serious?”

“Totally.”

I shook my head. “He’s very young,” I answered. “And I pass, really. He’s not my type.”

“What the fuck? He’s twenty-four,” Maria exclaimed, outraged as if I was saying gibberish.

“I’ve almost five years more than him.”

“What does that matter? Doesn’t V have like ten years more than you or something? You’d just have to fuck him, not marry him.”

“Ugh,” I grunted, tired. “Forget it, alright?”

Maria puffed, raising her arms and placing her hands under her head. I was about to say something to her again when something collided softly against my leg. I turned around, surprised, finding a ball. I grabbed it, raising my eyes to find the owner.

“Speaking of the devil,” I heard Maria mutter.

“I’m sorry!”

A young boy ran towards us, his reddish hair shining brightly under the sun and a perfect smile of guiltiness curving his thin lips.

“Hi, Ollie,” Maria muttered behind me, with a devilish tone.

“Hi, girls,” he smiled as I tossed him the ball. “I’m very sorry. We were playing right there with Aiden and Jeremy, but James is pretty bad at this.”

“It’s alright,” I said.

He looked at me and I saw in his brown eyes that Maria was right. He was into me, although he took his eyes away fast, concealing it.

“I can replace him if you want to kick him out of the game,” Maria added.

Ollie tilted his head, uttering a musical laugh. “Alright,” he passed her the ball. “I’m sure you’re a thousand times better than him.”

“Of course, I am,” she stated, standing up. “And, you,” she approached me, grabbing me and making me stand by force, “will be playing with me.”

“Oh, no,” I muttered, trying to sit down again, but Maria passed her arm under mine, trapping me. “Seriously.”

“You ace volleyball,” Maria said with a playful tone, smiling at me slyly. “You have to help me beat these boys.”

I sighed. “Fine,” I muttered, feeling more secure if Jeremy and Aiden were there. If Maria started to act devilish, I always could back on them or flee immediately. “But just a couple of matches.”

Ollie smiled at me when I agreed and I sensed a warning at the back of my head. I had been into too much problems those last years to recognize when I was about to get sucked into another one.

We walked to the place where they had placed the portable net. Jeremy and Aiden where at one side, while James, Ollie’s friend who worked at the fish market, because his father was our local fisher, at the other. Now we were six, so James was added to Jeremy and Aiden’s team, leaving Maria and me with Ollie.

I thought Maria would be trying to push me towards Ollie, but we ended up playing only, which helped me to relax in the end and have a good time. Maria was right; I always had been pretty good at volleyball, since high-school, and I haven’t played much that summer.

Considering our poor friends had James as a burden and my skills, beat them was too easy. We finalised the second match making a high five and Maria ran towards our friends right away to mock them. I laughed, shaking my head, hiding the realization that she had waited all the time to leave me alone with Ollie.

“It’s been fun,” I said, playing it cool. “You’re good.”

“You too,” Ollie smiled at me. “But more than me. I’m glad I wasn’t on the other team. You’d have destroyed me.”

I tittered. “I was taught well during high-school,” I explained, thinking of how to flee from that situation as fast as I could.

“I see,” he snickered, smiling more.

Suddenly, I noticed that his smile faded away a bit, nervousness taking over his features. I clenched my jaw, knowing he was about to say something compromising, so I came up with something fast to run away.

“I should come back now,” I said, smiling politely. “Maybe we can play another time.”

I turned around, taking a few steps away from him, about to sigh in relief, feeling I had avoided the situation pretty well.

“Evey, wait!”

My body tensed a bit at Ollie’s voice. I turned around, cursing internally. Ollie approached me again, more nervous than a second before.

“I was wondering if you…” He started, tilting his head timidly. “Maria told me you are single right now and I wondered if you would be interested in going out with me.”

Suddenly, my brain froze and I couldn’t formulate the words to decline his invitation politely.

“I’d understand if you don’t want or you are too occupied taking care of your daughter,” Ollie added, biting his lower lip. “It doesn’t have to be something too complicated. I’ll be content with one breakfast and if I bore you too much, you can leave.”

I tittered, rubbing my nape, feeling uneasy. If this had happened four years before, maybe I would have accepted. Ollie was a really sweet boy and it was undeniable that he was attractive. He would be a perfect partner, in any way, but there was no way somebody could be better for me than V. I had lived that love once and anything or anybody could equal or approach that. Also, I had made the mistake to be with someone before, while being in love with V, and the consequences of that still haunted me sometimes. I wouldn’t repeat what happened with Eric, never again.

“Look, Ollie…” I started, feeling sorry for him. “I can’t now. I’m not ready to have anything with anybody. I’m sure it’d be really fun to go out with you, but it won’t be fair.”

“I understand,” his pose broke a bit, a bit of disappointment raising to his eyes. “But… What if we go out as friends?”

I uttered a breathy laugh, reticent. “And, what after? Will you invite me to your house, as friends too?” I said with humour.

“No,” he exclaimed, alarmed. “I promise that’s not what I mean. I genuinely mean as friends.”

Giving him a reticent look, I crossed my arms over my chest. I caught the glimpse of my friends witnessing the scene from the net and when I looked at them, they made affirmative signs and Maria an obscene gesture. I sighed heavily, taking my eyes to Ollie again.

“A dinner,” I stated seriously. “And, for real, I don’t want anything else but be friends. Without benefits.”

“Aye-aye,” he said jokingly. “Tonight?”

“Fine,” I sighed. “Let’s meet before the hotel. At ten.”

“Perfect,” he smiled widely.

After that, I returned to my towel, sitting facing Bel and uttering a sharp sigh. Bel asked me how the match had turned out and while I was explaining and mocking our friends, somebody appeared and collided against me. Before I could realize, I was laying on the sand, with Maria wrapped around me, crushing me. I grunted.

“I’ve heard somebody has a date,” she sang.

“What?” Bel uttered. “With Ollie?”

I freed myself from Maria, sitting again as she sat on her towel, laughing, and I shook off the sand that had intertwined in my hair thanks to her collision.

“You’ve cornered me into this. And it’s not a date,” I grunted. “It’s just a dinner.”

“As friends. Yeah, I know,” she snorted sarcastically. “We’ll see if you end up in his bed when the night ends. If you don’t eat Ollie as dinner, you are fucking dumb. He’s such a snack.”

“Maybe you are the one who has to go out with him,” I mocked her.

“Don’t you think I would? I definitely would, if he liked me.”

“You can go tonight for me.”

“No, girl!” She exclaimed, shaking her head, and reclining over the towel, backing on her forearms. “Hey, V!

Bel freaked out and did too, not knowing if kill Maria or look behind me first. But I had no time to do anything.

“You’ll be parenting alone tonight, I think!” She screamed.

“What’s wrong with you?” Bel breathed out harshly.

I turned around, seeing Allana and V approaching our spot with the kids in their arms. I saw the surprise in both of them.

“Why?” He said, furrowing, once they arrived. Vera let out a soft scream, stretching to where I was, and he crouched down to give her to me.

I hugged her and threw a glare at Maria, but she ignored me. V stood up again, staring at Maria, awaiting a response. She smiled slyly.

“She has a date tonight,” Maria muttered.

“What?” Allana asked, surprised. “With who?”

I grunted, wanting that the sand sucked me right then. “With Ollie, the baker. And it’s not a damn date,” I turned to Maria, a little furious.

“Sure,” she laid down completely.

I would have smashed her if it wasn’t because I had my daughter in my arms. I didn’t know why she was getting off with that.

“No problem.”

I turned around at V’s voice, raising my gaze to him. He smiled softly at me and I saw no trace of disappointment, or jealousy, or anything similar. All of a sudden, the beach seemed to have fallen into a cold winter.

“You can go out without worrying. I’ll take care of everything,” he said, reassuring.

Before that, I had no words. I just gave him a single nod, focusing on Vera right away, swallowing down the sharp truth.

When the night arrived, I put on a pair of skinny jeans and a white shirt, leaving my curls free, and I felt ready to have just a dinner with a friend. I was determined in that that wasn’t a date at all and I refused to dress as if I was about to go on one.

I walked downstairs carefully, Vera already asleep in her room, and I took a deep breath before entering the living room, where V was sitting at the sofa, reading. He rose his head to me, smiling softly.

“I’m leaving already,” I said. “There’s milk at the fridge. And don’t doubt in calling me at any time if something happens.”

“Don’t be concerned, Evey,” he assured me in a soft tone. “Enjoy your night. Nothing will happen.”

I sighed, feeling my heart crack. Even if I had remarked that that wasn’t a date, his passiveness was heart-breaking. Deep inside, I just wished he was a bit upset about my night out. If he asked me to stay, I would. I wanted him to ask me to stay, but to stay with him.

“Do you think I’m doing alright?” I muttered, trying to hold onto the slightest possibility that he reached to me. “Do you think I really should go?”

He furrowed slightly as if trying to cypher my questions. “Absolutely,” he stated immediately. “You don’t have to feel bad or worry. We are two for something. We work together in this, remember? If you need a bit of time for yourself, I’m glad to help. And Vera probably won’t even notice you’re gone. She was very tired and I think she will sleep all night.”

I sighed deeply, my gaze dropping. I was being a fool expecting he would ask me to stay.

I nodded slightly, cracking a little smile. “Alright,” I mumbled. “See you tomorrow then.”

Turning around, I got out of the room fast. I grabbed my thin jacket and purse from the hanger by the door and walked out of the house, breathing in deeply to avoid the tears.

I sat for a few minutes at the pavement, trying to collect myself, before walking up the road to meet Ollie. He was also dressing casually, which made me feel relieved. We went to the only little restaurant in the town. We talked about our lives and how we had ended up in that exact place. He knew something about me, obviously, but listened to me with interest even so. He asked me about V, the persona, and confessed that he always thought that I was romantically involved with him. He asked if I had been working again with him lately and I politely said we weren’t involved and that no, I didn’t work with him. I said he worked alone and I didn’t know where he was.

“And how you met Allana’s brother?” He asked me at some point. “How you two ended up together?”

“Do you seriously want to talk about my ex?” I stated, arching a bow. The truth is that I didn’t want to.

“Does it matter? We’re here as friends, no?” He remarked with a smile.

I puffed. “True,” I tilted my head and breathing in. “It’s a long story, but it was thanks to the shelters. He was around during the time I worked there and it sort of… Happened.”

“And how is that you’re not together anymore?” He asked without any second intention. “You seem to get along pretty well. Honestly, I asked Maria if you two were married or something. Living at the same house and all… But I never saw you acting like a couple. I was confused.”

“We opted to live together meanwhile Vera’s little,” I said. “We want to be with her all the time and like this is easier. And, yes, I guess we’re getting along.”

“Do you still love him?” He asked.

I tensed up, thinking if I had to answer that. However, we were there as friends, and I had no reason to lie.

“Yes,” I admitted.

“I suspected it,” he sighed. “I had a brief hope that maybe you ended up interested in me after tonight, but obviously your heart is taken.”

“That’s why I tried to reject your invitation.”

“It’s fine. I’ll survive. I’m having fun anyway,” he smiled widely. “And, honestly… Who hasn’t a bit of a crush on the Lady Revolution? It’s been nice to know you more.”

I tittered, embarrassed after so much time without hearing that surname of mine. “If it’s any consolation, I think Maria is very interested in going out with you.”

Ollie laughed, blushing a little. “I don’t know,” he cocked his head. “Maybe I’ll try to ask her someday.”

“You won’t regret it. She’s a rollercoaster.”

“Thank God I like extreme sports.”

We both laughed and stayed a bit more at the restaurant. After that, he returned to his house, after advising me to be patient with “Victor” and wait, because he absolutely would fall in love with me again at some point. I let it pass, not being able to respond to that, and left.

It was midnight and I didn’t feel brave enough to return home yet, so I decided to go to the beach and take a walk by the shore. I knew that maybe I was taking too long in returning, but I felt I couldn’t face him.

Again, I had fallen on the position of the chaser, and he was running out of my reach. I wished that, for once, forever, we would run into the other, and not separate ever again. Even after all, V was the only love I had and would have, and the only one I would ever want. I still saw him as my life partner and, in a way, even if we weren’t together as romantic partners, he still was. He still cared about me very much and enjoyed my company, as he had always enjoyed it. We had been into the life of the other for years now and were parents because of the love we shared. He loved me differently now, and maybe I would have to learn to have enough with that. However, I knew it would be impossible.

When I returned home, all the lights were off and everything was extremely silent. I moved cautiously, not wanting to wake up neither of them and put on my pyjama. That night, I curled on my bed, dreaming of cashmere blankets, fireplaces and the touch of the man I couldn’t stop loving.

At the morning, I woke up a bit sooner than usual. I walked downstairs, searching for V, and getting into the living room. I drew back the windows and stepped outside, hugging myself from the breeze. I spotted him getting out of the water, grabbing his things at the shore. I sighed, haunted by the revived memories of our first time that the damned night had returned to me.

I stayed there, waiting for him to arrive, not being able to move. He saw me from afar but kept his gaze at the sand most of the way.

“Good morning, Evey,” he said in an unusual rough tone.

“Good morning,” I muttered, worried. “Are you alright. You sound as if you’ve caught a cold.”

He cracked a smile, getting up to the porch. “You know I don’t get sick.”

I hummed, examining him. He didn’t look at me, entering the house. I followed, closing the window behind me.

“How was the date?” He asked, half turning to look at me.

“Fine. And it wasn’t a date,” I muttered. “And here? Everything alright?”

“Yes. Vera’s been asleep all night.”

I nodded, continuing to scan V. Something seemed off with him, although I couldn’t discern what it was.

“Are you feeling alright, really?” I asked, concerned.

He gave me a nod, without almost laying his eyes on me, without words. “I’ll go shower. Vera will be about to wake up. And Allana was here last night. She told me that wanted you to go help her at the hotel with something this morning.”

“Me? What does she need?”

“She didn’t tell me.”

“Maybe you should go,” I tilted my head, feeling a pang of guilt. “You took care of Vera alone last night already.”

“Allana asked for you specifically,” he explained, letting go a sigh. “And I don’t mind. I don’t think she will monopolise you more than just his morning either.”

“Well… I’ll go, then,” I sighed, resigned.

Without saying anything else, he walked out of the room. I stayed there, standing, confused and worried. Maybe he was having a skin bad day. Even so, I could discern those right away, and he seemed to move alright.

After feeding Vera and spending some time with her, I went to the hotel. Nicky was already at school and Allana was cleaning the stairs when I entered. She smiled at me fondly, as always. However, I noticed a bit of dullness in her expression.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said, backing on the broom.

“V said you needed me,” I muttered, closing the door behind me and approaching her. “Is something wrong?”

“Maybe,” she sighed, her smile turning into a face of worry. “I’ll make tea and tell you.”

I followed her to the kitchen, sitting on a chair while she put a teapot to boil. She prepared our teacups and I stared at her, worried, considering the possible reasons why V was so strange that morning and now Allana was too.

Eventually, she sat with me, pouring the tea in both cups and leaving the teapot aside.

“How was the date last night?” She asked me while doing so.

“Why everybody’s insisting that it was a date?” I grunted. “It was alright. We had dinner and went home. Nothing more. I don’t like Ollie and I told him when he asked me out, that I didn’t want anything with him.”

Allana backed on the chair, letting a sight that had a hint of relief. “Really?”

“Yes. It was Maria who made a fuss over it,” I stated. “You know what happened with V. You know I still love him.”

She uttered a grunt, tilting her head backwards. “He’s such a featherhead, oh my God…” She mumbled, almost for herself only, and straightened again, giving me an inquiring look. “Would you get back with him, if he wanted too?”

“I…” I said in a low voice, confused. “Of course.”

“Look… I won’t beat around the bush,” she started to explain in a slightly stern tone. “After knowing you’d be going out with Ollie, my sister senses activated. I had to go to see how V was doing and I went to your home. And I was damn right to be worried. V was at rock bottom when I arrived. Destroyed.”

My body froze for a moment. “What?”

“I had the temptation to give him a smack on the back of his neck, I swear, when he told me you had asked him if you should go and he said something like “yeah, totally” and played it cool. He’s seriously stupid for not realizing you wanted to stay with him.”

“Do you mean…?” I mumbled, not wanting to jump into conclusion.

“He’s never stopped loving you,” she stated. “And he recognised it clearly to me. I know why you doubt and well… He’s been playing his role right. If he’s been concealing his feelings so well, is because he didn’t want to make things weird between you two. He didn’t want to risk his relationship with Vera if something happened with you. He’s afraid that you’d kick him out or whatever.”

“I’d never do that. I’d never push him away from Vera, not after showing he deserves her,” I blurted out, between surprised and concerned.

“That’s what I told him,” she added with outraged excitement. “But he’s afraid to bring up the issue because he thinks that you’ve moved on from him completely. Aside from that, he’s still kind of self-loathing about what happened last year still.”

I rose my hands to my face, rubbing my forehead, trying to process what Allana was telling me.

“He never would put a finger on you if he didn’t have feelings for you,” Allana said. “He’s not that type of man. What happened the other night was just him overflowing.”

I uncovered myself, feeling a knot on my throat. I grabbed the cup and took a sip, even if was still too hot.

“So, what? What are you going to do?” Allana asked me.

“Kill Maria first,” I grunted, making a face, feeling my tongue burning.

“Bel came last night for dinner and told me what happened before we returned from the water, and I think Maria knew perfectly what she was doing. I think she was trying to push V a bit, make him jealous, you know…”

I furrowed, recalling the events and puffing. “Of course…”

She had made it all up just to push V’s feelings to the edge. It was maleficent. Maria knew perfectly I didn’t like Ollie or wanted anybody but V, but making him see I could be with another, would make him obvious.

“It’s playing very dirty,” Allana stated. “I don’t approve the method, considering how he sees himself, but well… I guess it’s fixable if you reach him soon. If you want to.”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead more, feeling a headache kicking in. “Not that easy… He’s very stern with himself. Maybe he has admitted it to you, but with me…”

“Go full girlfriend mode, then, honey,” she encouraged me. “Jump onto him and don’t let him start to think much.”

“Allana,” I snickered, surprised and slightly embarrassed.

“Hear me out: do whatever you want but do it. I’ll take care of Vera tonight so you two have time alone. I’ll pick her up at ten. I don’t want to hear my featherhead brother whine ever again.”

I blinked, shocked, but hit by a rush of emotion. “Alright.”

A part of me was reticent while I prepared the bag for Vera to stay with Allana that night. It made me feel like a bad mother, to want a night to fix my things with V. Also, it would be the first time she would be a lot of hours without me or V around and that made me kind of nervous. However, Vera was always very comfortable with Allana and she knew what she was doing with babies.

“What are you doing?”

I turned around as I put a few nappies on the bag, finding V at the doorstep of Vera’s room, with her in his arms. I smiled a bit, approaching them and caressing her head. Vera made a happy sound, grabbing a few of my curls softly.

“She will be spending the night with Allana,” I explained, returning to pack the last things and hang the bag on my shoulder. I came closer again, grabbing Vera.

“Why?” V muttered, furrowing, confused until a hint of panic reached his eyes. “Are you going with her?”

“No.”

The doorbell rang and I passed by V, walking downstairs. I heard how he followed me right away.

“I don’t understand.”

“I might have plans.”

“I could’ve taken care of her, then.”

I didn’t answer that and rushed to the door before he could demand more explanation. I opened the door, finding Allana on the other side.

“Hi, Vera,” she sang in a sweet tone, raising her hands to grab her. “How’s my sweet girl?”

Vera laughed, touching her hair too. She was starting to do it with all the women that held her. V appeared by my side, looking at both of us. I gave Allana the bag and she smiled at me slyly.

“Call if something happens, alright?” I said, feeling uneasy all of a sudden, already missing Vera.

“Just relax. She will be fine,” Allana turned to look at her, pitching her cheek really softly. “Right?”

Vera mumbled something that had no sense and smiled at her aunt. Allana bounced her, making her laugh.

“What’s all this?” V murmured, deeply concerned.

“Evey will explain it to you, I think,” Allana said, blinking an eye to me. “Come on, we should go now. Say bye to mommy and daddy!”

I approached Vera to kiss her forehead and give her a couple of caresses before backing away and regret to leave her a whole night with Allana. V moved at last, getting out of his shock to say goodbye to Vera before Allana disappeared.

When the door closed again, a hard silence fell on the hall. I turned to look at V, whose eyes had darkened with confusion.

“What is going on?”

“I’ve decided that four days is the limit,” I said with a light tone, starting to walk towards the living room.

“What do you mean?” He followed me, sounding even more confused.

I spun around for a moment, stopping, near the sofa. “You’ve had four bad days. It’s the limit. From now on, if you have a rough time and lasts more than that, it has to be fixed right away.”

He opened his mouth, furrowing, but closed it again, whatever he wanted to say dying in his mouth. I smiled, continuing to walk until I was before the windows. I opened one, letting the marine breeze in.

“I still don’t understand,” he said.

I stood out, at the porch, looking at him again. He seemed utterly lost and I couldn’t avoid snickering, in part from the increasing nerves that now attacked me.

“We’re going to improve your mood, right now,” I said, smiling. “Take off your shoes and follow me.”

“Evey,” he exclaimed with confusion as I took off mine and jumped off the porch, falling softly on the sand. “What about your plans?”

“I said I might have them,” I answered as I started to walk away.

I advanced by the sand, now cold under the touch of the night, greyish thanks to the dark and the moonlight. I heard V walking behind me, even if he didn’t say anything until we arrived at the shore.

There, I turned around to him, smiling, swallowing down the tingling sensation that harboured my belly. When he returned my gaze, I noticed that the uneasiness was growing in his expression, a swirl mixed with a bit of panic. When I took off my shirt, the panic increased until there was nothing else.

V took his eyes away. “What are you doing?”

“We,” I corrected him, taking off my trousers and leaving them on the sand, “are going to take a bath.”

“Now?” He asked, still with his gaze avoiding mine.

“Yes,” I said, approaching the water and letting the cooled water caress my feet, giving me a shiver at the temperature. “So, start taking everything off. Unless you want to bath clothed.”

V stared at me at last, shaking his head slightly. “Why?” He breathed out. “Why are we doing this?”

“I’ve told you,” I said, getting in more. “And because it’s fun, refreshing, and it will be good for you. Just trust me.”

He took a deep breath, seeming flustered, but obeying, at last, taking off his shirt. I sensed an invisible hit on my stomach at the sight of him, touched by the moonlight, and I turned around, trying to conceal the fast heat that rose to my face.

I advanced on the water, suddenly not caring about the coldness of it, but needing it to continue through the night. I throw myself into it when there was enough depth and the temperature hit my senses with hardness, freezing my thoughts for a moment. When I returned to the surface, I dried the salty water from my eyes and looked up at the full moon above, shining brightly in the starry sky.

When the sound of him approaching arrived at me, I swirled, finding again the beautiful sight of him, covered by the water until almost to his chest. I swam towards V, pushed by a soft wave, and stood up before him, smiling softly. He clenched his jaw a little, a clear pain showing in his face.

“You’ve never taken a bath at night, right?” I muttered.

“No.”

“Well… You can add it to the list of things you’ve done for the first time with me,” I said playfully.

However, even if my words were light and in a joking tone, his muscles hardened with sudden tension. My smile faded away and I backed away a bit, giving him space.

“You can talk to me, V. You know that, don’t you?” I said in a softer tone, almost consoling. “You can rely on me for whatever. I don’t like to see you suffering. Tell me what’s been bothering you.”

“It’s nothing, really,” he sighed, looking at the sky. “It hasn’t a reason.”

“Are you sure?”

He stood still for a few moments and nodded. I knew it was a lie. I knew what was going through his mind at that very moment and, even if I wanted to be happy about it, I knew I couldn’t be until he was alright. It would be better that he opened about it first, that he confessed he still loved me, but I had another plan if he didn’t talk.

I lowered a bit in the water, submerging until most of my face was covered. He looked down, furrowing, and, before he could react, I had thrown water to his face. Moving fast, I tackled him, sending both of us underwater. When we emerged again, I laughed, drying my eyes and staring at his absolute confusion. I approached him again and he backed a bit, his eyes tingling with a strange emotion.

“Why are you backing away?” I said playfully. “Are you scared of me?”

“Maybe,” he whispered. “What’s been this unwarranted attack?”

“Because you’ve lied,” I stated without hardening my tone. “Let me remind you: I see through you. I know when you are lying. You have no escape.”

V pressed his lips a bit, uncomfortable. “You’ve taken me here so I can’t flee.”

“You run too fast,” I joked, even if it was true. “Just the water can slow you down enough. So, spit it out.”

“I’m alright, Evey,” he sighed, tilting his head, seeming tired. “I promise.”

I splashed him again and he grunted, drying his eyes. “Promising a lie? That’s not right.”

I swam to him, until our faces where at mere inches. His pupils shrunk in panic, but he kept totally still, concealing it. I sensed his breath hitching softly, disappearing as he held his breath, and it made my head spin a bit. I stared into the blueness of his gaze, holding back the need to kiss him right then, to wrap my legs and arms around his body, pulling him close.

“I worry about you,” I whispered in a slightly heated tone, trying to break down his barriers. “Just as much as you worry about me. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say,” he said, a bit breathlessly.

It was time to put the other plan in motion. He won’t let go of his fears until I showed my feelings first. I rose one of my hands under the water, reaching his abdominals. He gasped, tensing under my touch as I rose my fingertips through his skin, softly. My hand broke the surface, continuing by his chest, until I grabbed his shoulder. Taking advantage of the grip, I came even closer. He furrowed a bit as if he was in pain, and tilted his head back as if trying to put distance between our faces. I rose my other hand, which landed gently on his cheek right away.

“It’s so strange for me now to think I spent almost two years without knowing your face,” I whispered with absolute fondness. “It’s so strange I didn’t know how you furrow when you concentrate, or how your eyes shine when you laugh, or how your cheeks fill when you pull up one of your perfect smiles.”

I took both of my hands to his face, cupping it. He twisted a bit, the panic increasing in him.

“But every moment I had to wait was worth it,” I continued. “I’d have waited an eternity for you.”

“What…” he mumbled, seeming scared, trying to find a spot to fix his eyes that wasn’t mine. “What are you doing?”

Smiling a bit, I jumped, putting my legs around his waist, pressing our bodies together, making him gasp roughly. He grabbed me by instinct, gripping my thighs, even if it wasn’t necessary. I breathed in, closing my eyes for a moment at the feeling of his heating body against mine, melting my sanity and making my whole body tingle with hard need. I stared into his expanding pupils, reading the striking fear and confusing desire in them.

“Have I ever told you how many times I’ve fallen in love?” I whispered close to his lips.

He took a sharp intake of air, his heart beating crazily in his chest. I sensed his body tensing against mine and I tightened the grip of my legs around him when I noticed he started shaking. He was barely breathing now, his eyes scanning my face compulsively, and I knew I wouldn’t have a response.

“One. Just one,” I continued. “And I haven’t been the same ever since.”

I caressed his cheekbones with my thumbs and I sensed how he clenched his jaw, his hands gripping me harder, unintentionally. I pressed my forehead against his, sensing his whining gasp over my lips, making me sense how desperately I needed to kiss him now.

“That one person took all of me: my heart, my soul, my body… Until I was consumed. And, God…” I sighed, furrowing, pressing my hands around his face more, “Nothing else has been comparable to that. Nobody can be better than that one person. I won’t love anybody like that ever again. I don’t want to. And… The worst is that I’m still in love, but I don’t have that one person with me now. And it’s killing me day after day.”

“Evey…” He whimpered, taking his hands off my legs and raising them to grip my wrists, trying to free himself from me.

“It’s you,” I stated, backing a bit and opening my eyes, finding his watering gaze. “It’s you, V. You’re the only one I ever loved, that I’ll ever love.”

He uttered a shaky gasp, his features softening with sadness, his eyes filling with tears more. I came closer again, pressing my lips against his mouth with supreme softness. V whimpered at the first touch of our faces, giving into my kiss at the very instant. His trembling hands intertwined with my curls passionately, pulling me closer to his mouth. I moaned, drowning into the hot scent of lips, caressing his tongue with mine as my lips devoured his, trembling without being able to help it. I had thought so many times during that last year that I would never feel his love, his body against mine, his sweet kisses… That I didn’t have enough. As more he kissed me, more I wanted him to do so.

When the kiss broke, I arched slightly, pressing my forehead against him again, kicked by the temptation to capture his mouth again. However, I controlled myself, trying to focus on the cold water, and not in his heated body. I backed away, staring at him, who seemed as flustered as confused.

“Are you up for a date?” I said, breathless. “Would you have a date with me tonight?”

“What?” He mumbled, also without air.

“You are the company I expected for tonight,” I explained with a nervous smile. “Though if you don’t want… There’s no plan, obviously.”

He seemed to be processing all at once and failing a little. “Yes, I… I want,” he breathed out, unsure.

Smiling widely, I pressed a fast kiss against his lips. “Then, let’s go back already.”

Against my will, I freed him and started to swim and walk towards the shore. There, we both put our clothes on, glancing at the other, confusion and self-awareness lingering over our heads. Once dressed, I approached him and held his hand, interlacing our fingers. Just giving him a nervous little smile, I started to walk without letting him go.

We returned to our house, holding hands as we had never done before. V didn’t say a word; he just let me drag him. We shook the sand a bit off our feet before getting in. Once inside, with the window closed and the silence surrounding us again, I stepped closer to him, placing a soft hand over his chest.

“Take a shower and put something nice on,” I said playfully. “It’s the proper thing for a date.”

He flinched a bit and I tittered, stepping away, getting out of the room. I walked upstairs, moving as fast as I could. I took a fast shower, put on a set of black lingerie and the red dress I had worn at the wedding last year, and walked downstairs to get everything ready with my heels on my hands.

I put the food I had prepared before to heat while I prepared the table and lighted the fireplace at the living room. We would be sitting a bit weirdly, considering how big it was. I placed the cutlery at the edge of the table and at the first seat of the side. The width of the table was too much, so that was the only way to be close to each other. I lighted up a pair of candles and went to watch over the food. Once heated, I served it and put on my heels, sitting at the chair at the side of the table.

V appeared a couple of minutes after that, dressing as elegant as always, with a pair of fitting black trousers and a purple shirt I hadn’t seen yet. He approached me with unsureness, sitting on the other chair.

“When have you done this?” He muttered, looking at the risotto in front of him, combined with a red wine glass.

“When you were playing with Vera, this evening,” I explained, smiling, suddenly feeling too self-conscious.

He stared at the food, utterly lost, and then to me. I just continued with my eyes on him.

“Maybe we should start before it gets cold,” I said.

He nodded and we started to eat in silence, sharing furtive glances with the other constantly. I was just giving him time to process where he was now, what had happened, and expected for him to say something, to demand an explanation.

It wasn’t until we ate the whole plate, that he seemed to have enough energy to say something, although not before taking a big sip of wine.

“I feel very lost, right now,” V said in a low voice, giving me a fearful gaze. “I thought… You considered me just as a friend. It was your decision that we were just that.”

“It was,” I admitted. “I was very hurt back then, when we saved you, to just jump back into what we had as if nothing had happened. I couldn’t. I needed to heal. I needed to trust you again. But I’ve never stopped loving you. Never.”

His eyes started to water and he took his eyes away from mine, drinking again, swallowing another considerable sip.

“A part of me never lost the hope,” I sighed, raising my hand that had the ring. “I’ve never taken the ring off. Never. Not even when I decided we had to be just friends. And you know what this ring means. You gave it to me with that meaning, just that only meaning. If I really had lost all hope or decided it totally this was over, I’d have saved it somewhere, as a past memory. But here it is.”

V took a sharp intake of air, staying strangely still at my explanation. “And… What about yesterday?” He furrowed sadly. “What about… Him?”

“Nothing happened with Ollie,” I stated softly. “We had dinner and went back home right away. I was clear with him that I didn’t want anything right away when he asked me out. And I repeated it again at dinner. I confessed the reason even, that it was because I loved you still. I’d have stayed here if you had told me when I asked you.”

He seemed freed from a whole weight suddenly, his tensed position relaxing and understanding soothing his expression.

“It’s Maria’s fault,” I sighed sharply. “I told Bel what happened the other night between us and she told her. She was encouraging me to move on and I didn’t want to. I guess she was trying to push the situation to the edge, and she knew Ollie had a bit of a crush on me and dragged me to the match. Everything collapsed under its own weight and then she just had to shout it out loud for you to hear.”

V furrowed again, breathing out and, when the realization hit him, he closed his eyes, seeming ashamed.

“I was confused. During these months you’ve acted as if you’ve gotten over me for real, and after what happened the other night, I thought that you just sort of… Felt needy or something,” I explained, a bit embarrassed.

His eyes opened widely right away at my words, staring at me with terrible disbelief, his pupils shrinking and his features cracking with astonishment.

“Do you think I’d have used you?” V demanded, as concerned as surprised.

“No,” I answered instantly, trying to soothe his panic. “Of course not. It was just the only explanation I could come up to.”

However, my explanation didn’t soothe completely the uneasiness that had crept up to his expression at my implying. I wished I could drink some wine too, at that very moment.

“V… I’ll be honest,” I breathed in, feeling the nerves curling in my stomach, my body tingling all over. “Allana told me this morning that she came over last night and you two talked. She told me you told her you still loved me too.”

V panicked a bit, although he kept quiet, his jaw clenching as his pupils shrunk. He took a slow inhale, that seemed forced, not natural.

“I need to hear it from you, though,” I added, praying internally. “I need that you tell me your truth yourself.”

His eyes watered again and he furrowed sadly, his expression softening with sorrow. “Of course I’ve never stopped loving you, Evey. That’s impossible for me,” he whispered roughly, making my heart jump crazily with emotion. “I just complied with my promise. You gave me a chance and I wasn’t willing to risk it for anything. Vera is my whole life and I can’t lose her, let alone for trying to get back something I broke myself. And I promised you I wouldn’t try that.”

“I’d never push you away from her, even if we couldn’t stand each other,” I declared, clearly, needing these words to fix in his mind. “Even if I hated you with my whole being, I’d never. You are her father, and you are a good father. And she loves you. I could never do that to her.”

That seemed to calm him a bit, although he was very stiff still, a river of confused thoughts shinning in his pupils.

“I want to be with you again,” I said in a low voice, sensing how my chest burned at the hope of him giving in. “I want us together if you want it too.”

V kept quiet for a moment that seemed too long and silent for me, staring at me as if I was made of smoke and about to vanish. He took another sip, finishing the liquid in the glass, hit by a sudden desperation that I didn’t understand.

“I don’t deserve to be your partner,” he muttered, looking away. “I crossed too many lines, too many times.”

“And I’ve forgiven you.”

“What makes you think I would be now?” He snapped, staring at me sternly. “Maybe the only thing I can succeed in is being Vera’s father.”

“You’ve worked a lot to be better, in every way. You’ve learned how to be a man, a father, a friend… You’ve learned how to live and love and not be always held back by your past. And you know your fears and weaknesses more,” I stated, trying to reassure him. “And I know your self-esteem it’s not very good yet, but that’s the truth. You’re better now. Stop upbraiding yourself for the things you did.”

“I can’t…” he whispered, with eyes shining with incipient tears. “I can’t forget… How hurt you were. I can’t risk doing that again.”

His words gave a shiver at the realization of how well I knew how his head worked. I knew beforehand that he would say something like that and I was ready for that. Standing up before his confused gaze, I approached the sound equipment we had at the shelves and played the CD that was in. When the music filled the place with a soft volume, I turned to him, who was observing me, and I stretched a hand to him.

He understood, even if he was lost at my behaviour, and grabbed it gently, standing up. I took him to stand before the fireplace and placed my other hand on his back, giving him a fond glance, expecting. V breathed in, taking his hand to my waist, landing it there with pure shyness. We started to sway slowly.

“Do you remember the night I returned to you?” I whispered in a low voice.

“I could never forget,” he answered.

“You also told me something like this,” I continued, approaching his body a bit more. “You said you were only able to bring pain, that you had nothing to offer me but that and that the only way to fix what you did was being apart. And I told you could fix everything if you stayed with me.”

His gaze dropped, breaking the connexion with mine, the strange hint in his eyes clearly belonging to the memory I had brought.

“And I was right,” he said in a stern, low voice.

“No. You weren’t,” I came closer more, leaving our faces at mere inches, making him hold his breath. “I know how life without you is and I don’t want that. If you step away, it’s when I suffer. So… Just stay with me, for a lifetime.”

“I will,” he muttered sadly. “Just not as your partner.”

“But you are my partner, V,” I argued, desperate, glueing our bodies together, taking my hands to his nape. “The only thing I can’t do now is showing you my love, but I still rely on you as I did before. You healed the wounds and I know you won’t break my heart again.”

I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead gently against his. V gasped, his hands trembling as he held onto my waist.

“You are the love of my life,” I said in a soft tone. “And I want you to be the one for life, too. Return to me. You promised me you’d always come back to me, the night you gave me the ring.”

He drew back a little and I opened my eyes to look at him. There was hesitation in him, as much as love. My eyes watered at his loving gaze, a sight I thought I would never see again.

“I want to be with you, Evey. Desperately,” he muttered, deeply moved. “I’ve been restraining for months how deeply I love you. And I’d want to be more righteous. I’d want to resist because I can’t bear to hurt you again. Even so… You draw me to give in, unavoidably.”

V rose his hands to my face, cupping it gently, and the sensation made me half-shut my lids and utter a soft gasp. His desperation grew as his pupils expanded with need and his hands harboured a soft tremble.

“Last night, I thought I’d die of how much my heart hurt, knowing another could have your love. I wanted so desperately to be the receptor, and I hated myself so furiously because I could have been if I hadn’t broken us in the past,” he explained with a rough restlessness. “I have no strength when it comes to you. I’m so weak it frightens me… Because I think I don’t deserve you, although, I want to be loved, but just by you. You are the only love I’ve known, and the only one, forever.”

I ate the distance between our faces, capturing his lips without any contemplation, kissing him desperately. V whimpered, answering the gesture with the same passion, pressing himself closer, as if he needed to drown in me. His breath turned ragged instantly, the heat of his body raising dangerously, threatening with driving me to madness right away.

He pulled back from the kiss for a moment, gasping, staring at my hungry eyes with the same starvation. I shivered at the realization that I had succeeded, that he had given in, and my heart started to beat even more wildly, suspecting the next step for the night.

A smile of disbelief rose to his lips, throwing a melting smile at me, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against mine. I panted, seeing the increasing happiness in his features, as he caressed my cheeks softly.

“You’re a dream, Evey,” he muttered emotively. “Every time I just see shadows, you come to dissipate them.”

He took his hands to my hair, pulling me softly to another soft kiss, from which he backed away too soon for me.

“I’ll be yours as long as you want me, and even if you don’t, I’ll be still,” V added in a low, heated voice.

“Then, I hope you are ready to stand me for a lifetime,” I muttered, smiling.

He tittered, his gaze shinning. “There’s nothing I wish more.”

V gave me another gentle kiss, hugging me tight against him, devoid of hurry or desperation. However, that didn’t last much, the desperation and lack of each other staring to attack our souls, turning the kiss into a hungry one.

When it broke and we both stared at each other, the need was impossible to conceal. I sensed the blush dyeing my face and the nervousness setting my body on fire at the sight of his desperation.

“We can…” I sighed, the words dying in my mouth for a moment, feeling my throat tightening. “Go upstairs, if you want.”

His breath hitched, his pupils expanding a bit more, and just gave me a little nod after being still for a second.

Freeing him, putting a displeasing distance between us, I went to turn off the music and returned by his side to interlace our hands. We crossed the house, walking upstairs. He followed me without saying a word, until we arrived at my bedroom, about to become ours.

I turned to him, sensing the nerves freezing my thoughts. We stared at each other, not moving, sensing the unsureness between us, the wonder after a whole year apart. I took off my heels, leaving them aside, and stepping closer to him.

Raising my hands, I unbuttoned his shirt slowly, freeing his trunk at an unhurried pace. His chest rose and fell raggedly and I sensed his incipient trembling when I arrived at the button near his waist and grabbed the edges of the shirt to lower it by his arms. He shrugged his shoulders, allowing me to take it off completely.

I splayed my hands on his chest, lowering them slowly, shivering at how much I missed to touch him, to feel how he always gasped and tensed under my hands. And it had been just a couple of times I had seen his eyes burning with desire, with the need to be touched and loved. He had that look now, the one that asked me silently to carry on, to never stop. And I was willingly, desperately needing to follow that mute prayer.

He bent over to kiss me as his hands landed on my waist, approaching me more to him, but immediately searching for the zipper at the back of my dress. He pulled it down slowly, more focused on my lips, on my hands caressing his back, moaning very softly into my mouth.

I peeled my dress off, not releasing his mouth, letting it fall to the floor and pushing it aside with a foot. Then, I hugged him tight, our trunks glueing, skins burning against each other. We both hissed, the kiss breaking, and V glanced down for a moment, very subtly. I smiled, blushing, nervous, but encouraged, taking one step backwards. He gave me a fast look, his breathing quickening, and fixing his desirous gaze on mine right away. He shook his head ever so slightly, furrowing a bit as if he was in absolute disbelief.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered roughly, “It doesn’t seem real.”

His tone gave me goosebumps all over my skin. He approached me again and I held my breath, as if the power of his closeness had crushed me. He wasn’t touching me yet, although I sensed his heat, drawing me to him. I looked at him, feeling very little, praying silently that he grabbed me and made me his right then. My need for him was so great it hurt; it seemed to tear my insides without compassion, break my strength and leave me in the open, powerless. The feeling that I was about to die without his touch returned, making a comeback with a renewed energy, worsened.

As if he was hearing my thoughts, he took his hands to my back, unclasping my bra and freeing me from it, throwing it somewhere. With the intensity growing in his eyes, he lowered, his hands going to grab my legs. I held onto him fast before he pushed me up, backing my thighs around his waist. I gasped, trembling unavoidably at the feeling of his erection, still concealed, pressed against my lower belly. He took a couple of steps to the bed, laying me down softly and staying above me, hovering, backed on his hands.

He lowered to kiss me and I noticed how he wanted to take his time, keeping his movements delicate, slow-paced. I burned to have him fast, but I also wanted to savour every second of that moment, finding myself on a dilemma. Instead, I just let him take over me, leaving him to do as he pleased.

His lips found my neck eventually, tracing a wet way down to my breasts. He grabbed one gently while his mouth took care of the other, making me moan softly at the feeling of his tongue playing with my nipple. Soon, he continued lowering and I whimpered when he kissed my belly button and lower, but diverted to my hipbones. I arched up, trying to attract his eyes, to communicate my plea. He looked up and, when his eyes locked with mine, the sight of his expression of complete adoration pushed me against the mattress again. I gasped at the feeling of his fingers grabbing the edge of my knickers, taking them off and placing himself between my legs, his hands gripping my hips.

V drove his mouth to my folds, moving his lips with supreme slowness. The combination of the sensation of his hot breath and his movements throw me completely into desperation, making me cry out and sense how my face heated with a furious blush. I held onto the sheets under me, my ears starting to buzz and my head to spin. As he moved under me, driving me completely crazy with his achingly slow pace, I felt how he fuelled a strength inside me, the desire to press him against the mattress and return the pleasure.

I wished to do so with all of me and I felt enough lucid still to get up before his fingers entered me, stroking me, curling inside me to melt me into a screaming mess. Soon, I was shaking as he drove me through a powerful orgasm, not stopping until my body arched in protest, overwhelmed.

I almost couldn’t feel it when his mouth and fingers left me and he rose to hover over my face. I was gasping, holding onto a pillow I didn’t realize I had grabbed, my face half-buried on it, my eyes closed hard. My head was totally spinning now and I couldn’t emote anything. He pulled the pillow away gently and grabbed my chin, straightening my head. However, it took me another second to be able to half-open my eyes. The image of him seemed pure heaven, above me, with an open expression of love and gentle lust.

The strength returned to my body all of the sudden and I leaned up, capturing his lips roughly and grabbing his arms, his trunk, until I had him under my body and I was hovering over him. I didn’t have the patience he had maintained. I wanted to devour him, make him explode and feel how much I had yearned him, right now.

I passed my hands all over his trunk as I kissed his neck, and traced a fast way of kisses before arriving at his waist. Kneeling between his legs, I looked directly into his eyes as I unzipped his trousers and grabbed the edges with certain hardness. V whined a bit, not averting his eyes as I drawn back, getting down the bed as I took his trousers and pants off. I threw them away, not caring where they fell, returning to him instantly.

Before doing anything else, I stopped for a moment, glancing at the man before me, laying quietly, waiting for me to take him however I wanted and it was one of those moment of revelation, those moments I looked at him and saw myself. At that point in my life, I was sure that everything that had taken us where we were, was to make us realize our souls were the same.

I drove my hand to his hard length, stroking him, gasping softly when he closed his eyes hard and arched slightly into my touch. Shivering with desire, I placed myself between his legs better and took his length into my mouth. V screamed brokenly as I started to move fast right away, raising and lowering without any mercy. I had missed so much to make him feel good, to hear him express his pleasure out loud.

The desperation started to ring in his moans and it hit my head, suddenly making me feel a hurry that had been clouded by what I was doing. I got out from between his legs and moved through the bed to reach the right nightstand. I opened the first drawer fast and got out a box of condoms I had put there, just in case the night ended up like that. I returned to him, who was still gasping and examining me with needy expectation, standing on my knees with him trapped between my legs. I opened the box, taking one in a hurry and throwing the box at the nightstand again, which, somehow, it didn’t slip and fell to the floor. Opening the envelope and throwing it too, I put it on him, being answered with a gasp from him at the new experience.

I lowered, approaching his face, taking a moment to contemplate him even if my body was burning to straddle him, to feel him inside me after so much time and make love to him as if the world was about to end.

V gave me a pleading glance, breathing raggedly. I bent down more, kissing him passionately, ripping a desperate grunt from him.

“Do you want me now?” I muttered when I drew back.

“Yes,” he gasped in a husky voice, barely.

I took a ragged intake of air, shaken by his revived sensual tone, and straightened up, grabbing his length between my fingers. I pushed myself down, against him, taking him in, both of us moaning loudly when I let myself fall abruptly, until he was all in.

I started to move, swaying my hips slowly, too overwhelmed with the feeling of him inside me. However, when he started to moan, holding onto my hips with hard desperation, his eyes shining with a plea, I bent down, backing on my hands, devoid of any control.

Taking him in and out with hardness, I contemplated how he was coming undone under me fast, crying out, his head falling back against the pillows and his lids shutting tightly. At that very moment, I couldn’t matter less about the pleasure of my body, obscured by the delight that produced me that sight. He was so utterly beautiful, so damn attractive from that perspective. And completely mine.

He shouted when reached the climax, trembling furiously and I sensed how he throbbed inside me. I stopped, sitting on his lap, gasping and smiling a bit when he half opened his eyes. He sat up suddenly, making me hold my breath, surprised, and his hands held one of my thighs and back. The next thing I noticed was colliding against the mattress and him kissing me with hot eagerness. I whimpered at his passion, closing my eyes and taking my hands to his cheeks, pressing myself more against him.

V pulled away soon, devoid of air, taking off the condom and reaching for the box. My brain was collapsing with expectation and I couldn’t think of anything but the prayer for him to hurry. He put another condom on and pushed himself into me without more contemplation, earning a rough moan from me.

I thought he would resume the slow pace since he didn’t move right away, closing his eyes for a moment and, then, bending over.

“You certainly drive me crazy,” he whispered sensually, kissing me again as he started to move roughly above me.

Soon, I had to break the kiss, needing to catch some air, his movements inflicting a pleasure that threatened to make me implode, the sight of his body too much for my heart. I closed my eyes, holding onto his back as if that was some kind of salvation for my poor soul, and gave into him completely.

When suddenly the pillows disappeared, making me sense the lack of them above my head, I opened my eyes. He had pushed them aside to hold onto the edge of the mattress, starting to collide faster and harder against me. I cried out loudly along with his desperate moans, trying to keep my lids up, not wanting to lose a single second of his wild expression.

He suddenly grunted, trembling, lowering to bury his face against my neck, biting it, gasping against my skin. He came right away, giving me a final thrust that seemed to make my whole body vibrate at his release. For a few moments, we stayed quiet, keeping our bodies pressed against the other. I gasped against his shoulder, pressing a kiss against it, still holding onto his back, right before he pulled back, straightening up to look at me.

His intense eyes made me shiver furiously and I wanted to whine when he moved to get out of me. He took of the condom and placed the pillows right again, to let himself fall above them right away, sighing deeply. We stared at each other and a timid smile reached my lips, deriving in a soft laugh. I took my hand to my face, covering myself for an instant, sensing a stupid rush of embarrassment.

“What?” He gasped, still a bit breathless.

I uncovered myself, turning my head to him. “Nothing. It’s just that…” I sighed, getting caught for a moment in his loving eyes, fixed on me. “I’ve missed you so much.”

He smiled fondly and suddenly his eyes started to water. Panicking a bit, I came closer to him, backing on my forearm and half laying over his body, placing a hand on his cheek. V rose his head, kissing me and I got lost in his lips until I sensed something wet on my hand. I pulled away abruptly, seeing a shinning trace falling from his eyes, tears that he had let fall.

“V,” I gasped, worried.

“I love you,” he whispered roughly, raising his hands to intertwine in my hair and pulling me down, pressing our foreheads together. “I love you with my whole being, Evey. I won’t walk away from you, ever again.”

I sighed, closing my eyes, laying over his body completely. He hugged me tightly, his heart beating fast as I caressed his side gently.

“I know you won’t,” I moved my head, backing it against his shoulder to be able to look at his face. “And I won’t leave you alone, either, never. We’ll be together, through everything that comes.”

More tears fell, harder, but he just closed his eyes, furrowing and moving to lay on his side. I moved with him and hugged him closer as he rose a hand to my face, our noses touching when he approached.

While I held him that night, harbouring the absolute happiness of having him again with me, being able to express my love, I had the feeling that the war was approaching. I knew we would have to fight soon, but I wasn’t afraid anymore or worried. Now we were stronger and were ready to help each other out there.

I knew we would win that war, and when all was over, and we freed that country from the ashes of the tyranny, we would be able to live freely at last. Because I was sure that the only thing that would never change for me was that I loved him and that I would fight to have a long life by his side and for the family we formed now.

At that moment, I thought that nothing in that world had the power to break us anymore. I would never have thought that I could be mistaken in that assumption.

But I was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! <3 Sorry if you've gotten two emails that I posted. The Archive was working kind of crazy and posted the chapter twice.
> 
> At last, they are together again! Yay! <3 Well, uni break is over and it's time to get back to routine. I'll be updating once a week now, although the next chapter of this work will take two weeks to be ready.
> 
> This was the chapter that closed the first part of this story, but since I'll be writing V's POV, I rather continue Evey's POV in this work. The first chapter of V's POV will be published the next Saturday. If you are interested in it, you can subscribe to the [Veritas Vincit Series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628563) to be notified when the work is uploaded.
> 
> The playlists have been updated. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> See you next week! <3


	19. The night has reached its end; we can't pretend, we must run

_5th of November_

Breathing in, I opened my eyes, fixing them on the image of the ocean through the window, slowly moving in the distance, illuminated by the first rays of light. A hand reached me from behind, encircling my waist, startling me a little, and I wanted to turn around, but a kiss on my temple stopped me.

V placed himself closer, his chest glueing to my back, hugging me tighter. He pressed another warm kiss against my cheek and I turned my head to him, looking at his lovely blue eyes, groggy. It was a surprise that he was still in bed and not taking his morning bath, although I hadn’t a single complaint.

“Good morning, my love,” he muttered in a soft and very low voice.

I smiled widely, rolling in his embrace, facing him. He returned the smile, gazing at me with pure fondness.

“Good morning,” I uttered in a slightly rough voice, smiling wider, hugging him too. “And happy birthday.”

He let out a breathy laugh, pressing his forehead against mine, making my heart soar as his arms tightened around me more, closing the distance between our bodies. Shivering softly, I closed my eyes again, relying on his warmness.

“Thank you,” he mumbled. “Although, I’m more excited about the other thing that happens today.”

“Well,” I breathed out, proceeding with a teasing tone. “That’s right. It’s the second anniversary of the start of your revolution.”

“You’re not wrong,” he pushed me gently against the mattress, making me lay face up, both of our gazes locking. He backed on his forearms, leaving his face and body very close to mine. “It’s a remarkable day in that sense. But I meant our anniversary.”

I swallowed down a laugh of joy, my smile trembling with the happiness that suddenly overflew of me. “Oh. You meant that. Alright.”

“Yes,” he whispered, eating the brief distance to press his lips against mine.

Sighing, sensing a rush of electricity waking up my body completely, I melted under his kiss, letting him take over my mouth with a sweet pace. I rose my hands to his cheeks, cupping his face, losing my patience too fast, deepening into it with eagerness.

Those last three months had been the happiest time I had ever had in my whole life. Since we got back together, everything had seemed to fit right between us. The mistakes that had separated us in the past were healed and we had learned right from them, both free from the barrier we had built for ourselves now.

For the two of us, it was easy to fall back into the dynamic of being together. Although, now, it was even better than before. Now there weren’t any lines that couldn’t be crossed. Walking in eggshells around each other was over and his confidence grew day after day. Without the influence of the shadows that had haunted him for an eternity, and with us together, he had been able to discover more of the man he was and leave behind the extreme carefulness, as if his mere presence could hurt me.

Sinking in that security had been good for both of us, consolidating the fact that we were now a family, and being just a couple, something we hadn’t had yet. Until that moment, between us there was always an impediment, a disturbance. But not anymore. Not yet, at least.

The phantom of the approaching threat was there, still lingering, and he had days when suddenly remembered the persona in him was still alive. For almost a year now, the mask had been hidden and he had got used to living only as a man. But, sometimes, when we watched the news or talked with people of the town about the hardening laws implemented by New England, I saw it in his eyes.

I knew he was afraid of the idea to put on the mask again, a moment we knew was approaching. However, I wasn’t. Now, we were stronger and I wouldn’t let him fall or be consumed. Now, I could help him to find light if he felt lost.

However, we didn’t talk about it. It was an unspoken desire for both of us that we wanted to live peacefully as much as we could. Maybe it was selfish, to ignore the duty of our personas, but we had risked already too much for that revolution. Our world now revolved in another direction, that had freedom inherently included, although not in the same way. Since Vera was in our lives, her protection was above all.

The thing was that that calmness had brought simplicity to our lives and that was completely refreshing. It brought a lot of issues that maybe seemed silly but had a powerful meaning considering who was my partner. At least, they had it to my eyes. One, I brought it up a month ago: his birthday.

We lost the opportunity to celebrate it last year and, considering V was open to festivities now because felt like thankful for something, at last, it wasn’t hard to convince him to celebrate. He wasn’t very sure about spending a whole day in which we all would spoil him and celebrate he was alive, but I ended up succeeding with my reasoning.

The other issue, V was the one who brought it up, one night, briefly after we got back together: our anniversary. He asked me if we had something like that and I fell silent, utterly surprised by his question. I never thought such a thing could cross his mind, let alone that he wondered about it. I answered I didn’t know if we had one and he said that we should agree on a date. As shocked as delighted, I obliged with his petition, getting into a discussion about which day had been more important for us. We had a few options. He considered crucial the Fourth and the Fifth of November, The Thirtieth of January, the day I returned to him, and the Eighteenth of August when we got back together. I agreed with most of those days, but we ended up choosing the Fifth as the most remarkable day in our relationship. And it had arrived, at last. And I was eager to put the celebration in motion, carefully planned with my friends for almost a month.

However, I had to wait until that night.

V hissed a bit huskily inside the kiss, moving to hover over me, placing himself between my legs. I moaned softly without letting go of his mouth when I felt his hips, gently resting on me, his heating body trapping mine. My face burned with furious blush and I rose my arms to encircle his neck, pushing him down more. He grunted softly, kissing me more passionately and I sensed a sudden bulge between us, pushing against me.

It wasn’t what I had thought for that day, to begin like that. Nevertheless, Vera had been having a couple of weeks of intermittent sleep and we hadn’t had a single moment for us, intimacy completely lacking. I was dying to feel him, feeling as if I hadn’t had him for months now. I had grown used to have him and, as an addict to him as I was, I couldn’t refuse to give in into his touch.

He backed away a bit, breathing in, his pupils already expanded, and cleared his throat, “I don’t know if we have enough time now,” he said in a low voice, a bit displeased, but sounding as needy as I felt.

“Maybe for a quickie,” I breathed out, praying internally that Vera kept asleep for a while more.

He sniggered, smiling with disbelief in his lips, making my heart swoosh with happiness at the sight, “A quickie?” V tittered.

I nodded, blushing more, “Yes,” I whispered and he smiled more. Pouting a bit, I rose to meet his lips again. “I miss you, a lot, okay? Don’t blame me.”

His smile fell, substituted with a slight furrow, full of containment and desire. He grunted, closing his eyes hard.

“You know you can’t say those things to me,” he sighed, sounding restrained. “And with that face. I’m not that strong.”

I clung onto him more, approaching his face to mine completely, “I’m afraid I’m not, either.”

He huffed and kissed me again, hard, pushing me towards the pillows. Taking his hand down, he freed himself fast of the shirt of his pyjama, unbuttoning it. I grunted softly, my eyes unavoidably fixing on his body when he straightened up to throw it somewhere, my hands searching his muscles right away and the heat of my body raising exponentially. Closing his eyes, letting out a content sigh, he lowered to capture my lips. Then, he backed away again to free us of our trousers and I took advantage of it to cast away my shirt. Soon, he returned to me, pressing our bodies together, looking extremely desperate all of a sudden. We both hissed at the feeling. I held onto his back, slightly pounding my fingertips on his flesh, urging him to proceed. He gave me a lustful look, making me shiver and moved his hips between my legs, the tip of his length brushing my entrance, but not entering me. I grunted softly, burning, scolding him silently with my gaze. During those months, I realized he loved to contemplate how wrecked I became for him as if he was always in disbelief about it.

“Please,” I whispered, pleasing. “No teasing now.”

V got out of his bubble at that and smiled slyly, pushing himself inside me to the hilt, making me utter a loud moan unavoidably. I bit my lip instantly as he uttered a husky but soft laugh, starting to move slowly, his expression changing in an instant. He pressed his forehead against mine, pure pleasure and relief showing in the lines of his face. One of his hands rose to capture one of my breasts, making me shiver with desire. I clenched my jaw, shaken by the beautiful image of V, and I felt my body aching and rejoicing at the feeling of him inside me, giving in eagerly.

“God, Evey…” He moaned in a low voice, breaking with desperation, kissing my neck and biting my ear softly. “I’ve missed you too.”

I held him tighter, shivering at his rough voice sounding directly in my ear, reverberating inside me. He thrust inside me with more hardness and I had to close my eyes tight and clench my teeth hard to avoid raising my voice. However, it didn’t matter in the end.

We heard Vera cry in the distance and he stopped right away, raising his head to lock his gaze with mine. He sighed, getting out of me and resting his forehead against my chest for a second. I pressed my lips on a thin line, feeling my throat tightening with disappointment. After that brief moment of swallowing down the need, he stood up, casting the sheets aside and grabbing his pyjama from the floor and tossing mine to me.

“Maybe tonight,” he whispered, approaching me to cup my cheeks and give me a fast kiss. “If you haven’t planned a long thing.”

“Maybe,” I smiled, remembering the party we had planned for that night to celebrate his birthday at the hotel.

He gave another sly smile, getting out of the room as he buttoned his shirt, his pupils still expanded with desire. I stayed a moment sitting on the bed, putting on my shirt, as I stared at the doorstep, where he was an instant before, smiling for myself. Sometimes, I couldn’t grasp how much we had archived, how much happier we had become since we met. I would never get tired of seeing him enjoying life, smiling as he never could before.

“Happy birthday!”

The room lighted up, showing our friends standing in the middle of the hall, who threw confetti at us at the very moment we crossed the door of the hotel. V smiled, tittering, and Vera laughed, bouncing in my arms, watching as the shower of colours fell on us. They approached V to wish him happy birthday personally and hug him. I saw him receive all that love, seeming a bit embarrassed and overwhelmed, sensing my heart soar with emotion.

We sat at the dining room and had dinner, chatting and enjoying the reunion after weeks of not finding the perfect moment to meet all of us. Those months had been especially calm and joyful for every one of those present. Jeremy and Aiden were enjoying their married life very much and Maria had been going out with Ollie for a couple of months already. Bel and Allana spent more time together since then, claiming that she couldn’t stand being at home at the same time than those two. Nicky was very fond of her and she had started to help him with math during the evenings. Also, we had a family dinner at least once a week with Allana and Nicky.

When we finished dinner, Allana and I sneaked to the kitchen to go for the cake she had prepared. We lighted the candles and returned, turning off the light when we entered the dining room. We all started to sing the birthday song and V seemed extremely embarrassed suddenly. He blew the candles when the song ended and we applauded the moment. I approached him, hugging him from the back and pressing a kiss against his cheek, sensing the heat of the embarrassment covering his skin.

We sat again, eating the cake and all of us exchanging glances of complicity, knowing the moment of the gifts was approaching, a moment in which we had been working on for long.

“Well, V…” Bel said all of a sudden, smiling slyly, resting her forearms before her on the table. “How do you feel, celebrating your birthday for the first time?”

“Strange,” he muttered, snickering. “Embarrassed.”

“Then I guess we’ve done a good job,” Maria added, raising her glass of wine. “A birthday it’s not a birthday if you don’t want the earth to eat you whole at some point.”

“True,” Jeremy nodded.

Bel gave me a fast look, inquiring, and I nodded. V, sitting by my side, noticed it and turned to look at me. However, I just smiled, grabbing Vera, who was sitting in his lap, placing her on my own.

“I have to say, my friend,” Bel added, “that you haven’t finished being embarrassed ‘cause…”

Bel sunk her arms under the table, bending, and got out something that had been hiding at her feet all the time. She extended a large box covered in a colourful paper through the table, every one of us smiling knowingly. V seemed lost and surprised, not moving at first. Allana and Aiden, who were sitting at our sides, cleared the table before him. Bel rested the box on that space.

“…Here’s your first gift. From all of us,” she finished, seeming content.

He opened his mouth, closing it right away, utter confusion lighting his features. He was still coming to terms with being an object of care and receiving things out of love. A year ago, I would have seen it as something sad; however, now, it was just cute. V was like a kid sometimes, learning how life was, discovering everything slowly.

“Come on,” I whispered to him. “Open it.”

V gave me a little glance, obeying right away. He ripped the gift paper, revealing a very elegant white box. Unsure, he lifted the cover, finding a set of knives exact to the ones he had. He became motionless at the sight, just for a moment. After that, he put the cover down, on the floor, backing it against his chair. He grabbed one of the knives, examining it with pure astonishment.

“How…?” He muttered, completely in awe.

“They’re very good, right?” Bel stated with proudness.

“Yes,” he breathed out.

“We were sorry that you lost your knives and we thought it’d be nice that you got them back,” Allana explained. “I have an old friend who works at Edinburg as a blacksmith and owed me a big one, so it hasn’t been hard to work on these replicas. Evey knew them enough to give me precise indications and I took his work here from time to time, so she could check it and make them as exact as possible.”

“Yeah, I guess he hates me by now, even if he doesn’t know me,” I snickered. “How many times I sent you back with objections?” I bent over to look at Allana. “Five? Six?”

“Five,” she laughed, nodding.

I sighed, content, gazing at V, who looked as amazed as conflicted by how much he seemed to love his gift. He was very fond of those weapons but had a meaning that he had been trying to avoid for a year.

“Thank you so much,” he muttered, looking up, full of emotion. “They’re perfect.”

We all smiled joyfully and then Jeremy and Aiden got up. V looked at them, spinning into confusion all over again.

“We have another thing,” I added, smiling more.

He made a face, shrugging his shoulders a bit, “Your expression doesn’t give me any confidence.”

“It’s your first birthday,” I explained as happy as sly. “Were you seriously thinking you wouldn’t have proper gifts for such occasion?”

“Massive gifts, tho,” Maria added, taking a sip of wine.

Bel gave her an elbow, making her screech in pain and both looked daggers at the other. Aiden and Jeremy returned right away, pushing a cart with a big box, leaving it behind us. V turned around on his chair, his eyes widening at the size of it, standing immediately.

“We haven’t wrapped this,” Aiden said, huffing because of the effort. “For obvious reasons.”

“All yours,” Jeremy uttered, smiling, backing away from it and leaving V to open the box.

I moved my chair to a side to contemplate the scene, restraining my emotions overflowing at the knowledge of what was inside. V, hesitant, ripped off the adhesive tape and opened the box. He gasped, looking at me right away. Inside, there was a new Wurlitzer, exact to the one he had at the Gallery.

“Do you like it?” I said, resting an arm on the back of the chair, smiling with contentment.

“Of course, but…” He vacillated, unsure. “It’s too much.”

“Don’t be silly,” I muttered.

He pressed his lips, sighing. “Thank you all. Honestly. I’m…” V shook his head slightly, smiling softly. “Speechless.”

“Don’t worry,” Bel laughed, crossing her arms over her chest. “You won’t be so thankful once we start the karaoke.”

V laughed, looking at the Wurlitzer again, smiling more. I contemplated him at that moment, feeling a rush of happiness that couldn’t be compared with anything else.

After a session of karaoke and dancing, Vera started to seem tired and we decided to leave the party briefly past midnight. We returned home with Vera completely asleep in V’s arms and with me carrying the knives. Allana would approach the Wurlitzer to our house the next morning, considering we couldn’t carry it by ourselves that night.

When we got inside our home, I left the knives at the table by the door and he went directly to her bedroom to lay her down. I stayed at the doorstep, contemplating how he put her in the cot, a fond smile in his lips.

“I can’t believe something so beautiful has a part of me,” he said in a low voice, not taking his eyes off his daughter.

“That’s because you’re beautiful too,” I whispered.

He straightened up, his smile dyeing with disbelief. V crossed the room, returning to me, his expression slightly changing into slyness. I grinned back at him, grabbing one of his hands and getting out of the room, adjusting her door. We walked to our bedroom and looked at each other.

“Are you tired?” he murmured, raising his hands to my face, cupping it gently, thumbs tracing my cheekbones.

“Not at all,” I whispered huskily, my fingers finding the collar of his shirt, unbuttoning the first one and continuing with the rest right away.

V laughed softly, the desire starting to appear in his eyes, “You haven’t waited for a second,” V said in a low voice, filling with heat.

“I can’t.”

I opened his shirt once unbuttoned, freeing him of it roughly, taking his face between my hands and pulling him down into a kiss. V grunted, setting on fire instantly, grabbing my waist and pushing me towards the bed without losing his gentleness. I pulled back from the kiss a bit with a breathless gasp, once I felt the edge of the bed against my legs. I moved, placing myself behind him, breaking the contact, and he turned around, giving me a confused look. Smiling cunningly, I splayed my hands on his bare chest, pushing him down to sit. He obliged instantly, his breath hitching.

“I have to remind you,” I muttered, standing between his legs and cupping his face, bending down to press a fast kiss against his lips, “it’s your day to be spoiled.”

V let out a soft grunt, heating up and gazing at me with expanding pupils, “Don’t you think it’s been enough already?” He breathed out, a bit of desperation ringing in his voice.

“Nope,” I snickered, close to his mouth. “I still have a few ideas to spoil you for your birthday.”

“Technically, it’s not my birthday anymore,” he said in a husky tone, capturing my buttocks in a soft grip, making me gasp and my belly tingle with need. “It’s past midnight.”

“It’s your birthday until the sunrise,” I argued.

V smiled widely, “That doesn’t work like that.”

I grunted, pressing my palms against his face harder, “Just let me love you, for goodness sake,” I stated, lowering to capture his mouth with hardness.

He sighed, giving in to the kiss, his fingers searching for the zipper of my dress. I smiled slightly against his mouth when I felt how he unzipped it, getting out of it as soon as I could. When my dress had been cast aside, I straightened up under his gaze full of shock, contemplating the surprise I had under my clothes. Knowing we would have time for ourselves that night, I decided to put on something extra special.

V examined the set of black lingerie that still covered me, from my semi-transparent bra to the lace garter belt that kept straight a pair of stockings, his mouth parted in surprise. After a few moments of silence, in which I enjoyed how flustered he seemed suddenly, he clenched his jaw, returning his eyes to mine.

Seeing he was completely speechless, I approached, straddling him and resting my arms on his shoulders. His breath hitched and I felt the heat of his skin arriving at mine through the brief space between our trunks. Grounding on his lap, I felt his excitement completely stirred. I moved my hips softly as if trying to place myself better, ripping a soft grunt from his voice.

“Are you trying to kill me, Evey?” He whispered roughly.

“Who knows?” I snickered.

“You can’t seriously pretend that I keep still now,” he said in a rough voice, interlacing his hands with my hair, giving a fast glance to my body.

“Maybe if you behave, I’ll let you do something,” I said with a sly smile, pressing my body against his, our skins touching.

V hissed, his eyes half-closing. “This feels more like a punishment,” he grunted.

I smiled devilishly and pushed him down, his back colliding against the mattress. V growled when I captured his mouth in a rush of passion, his hands searching support on my back right away, clinging onto me desperately. I grounded on his lap, rocking my hips against his arousal. He puffed, almost whimpering, lowering his grip to my buttocks, making my stomach tingle with broken resilience.

We moved up on the bed when I backed away a little, placing us in a more comfortable position. I stood on my tibias, with him trapped between my legs, and I unzipped his trousers while examining the desperate and impatient way in which he was staring at me. When I grabbed the edge of the piece of clothing, about to rip them off, a sudden thud startled both of us.

We turned towards the window, where the sound had seemed to come from. V backed on his forearms, furrowing.

“What was that?” I muttered.

“I don’t know,” he answered, utterly confused.

“A bird, maybe?”

“No,” he furrowed more, closing his eyes. “Somebody’s under our window.”

The sound happened again and, this time, I saw what caused it. A little rubber ball collided against our window for a brief second, disappearing as fast as hit it. V slipped out of my legs, zipping his trousers and walking to the window to look outside.

“Bel and Allana,” he whispered, confused.

“What? What are they doing here?” I furrowed, approaching the closet fast to grab my gown and cover myself.

I went to the window, seeing them wave at us desperately, Bel with the ball again on her hand. I sighed.

“Let’s open the door,” I said, realizing our night would be a bit different from what I had planned before. “Something has had to happen.”

V nodded without saying a word, grabbing his shirt from the floor and we walked downstairs quietly as he buttoned it again. When we opened the door, Bel and Allana rushed to the entrance, fear and nervousness mixing in their expressions.

“We’re sorry to interrupt,” Bel blurted out, her voice shaking, passing through the doorstep without delaying, “but it’s urgent.”

She rushed inside, going to the living room and I closed when Allana got inside too, letting out a sigh, giving V a glance full of worry.

“What’s happening?” V asked, clearly infected with their emotions.

Allana pressed her lips on a thin line, her eyes shining with nervousness as she seemed to search for the right words, feeding the anxiety that had bloomed instantly inside me. Then, the tele turned on sounded at the background.

“It’s better you see it yourselves,” she muttered in a low voice then, stepping towards the living room.

We all went to stand before the screen. Bel had put a twenty-four hours news channel and, as soon as we saw the title of the news they were talking about, we froze.

_“…before the Parliament, celebrating the newly established tradition for the Fifth of November_,” the woman said. “_The day has followed with a series of cultural and artistic proclamations and the event has ended at midnight, with a closure starred by fireworks. It was being called off when the main-figure of the event, V, appeared at the scene, brutally attacking those present. By now, accordingly to the head of the General Hospital’s ICU’s report, sixteen arrived deceased, three have died in the last hour and ten more are still in danger._”

The image changed to one of the place where the Parliament had been, a recording of the moment from a mobile near the stage. A figure appeared suddenly above it, a perfect copy of V, so similar that even the shape of his body was almost exact. The crowd exclaimed in joy, staring at their hero after more than a year without seeing him around. Then, he drew a pair of knives, equals at V’s ones, and jumped off the stage. The screams were heard right away, the camera shook and everybody started to run away.

Another video from a different camera appeared, one with more quality, showing the place empty, trash and great amounts of blood all over the floor.

“_The commotion for this inexplicable attack has shaken the population_,” the reporter continued as the images from mobile cameras returned, showing the impostor’s attack, people falling to the floor continuously, “_Some explain this massacre with the mental downhill of the man who once meant the trigger of freedom, the unclarity of…_”

I grabbed the remote from Bel’s hands, turning the tele off. For a few moments, feeling I couldn’t breathe, I stared at my blurred, dark reflection at the screen. Then, I saw his reflection behind me moving, backing away, and I turned around. He had our back to us, all his body tensed, giving him the appearance of a marble statue. Allana and Bel were completely frightened, staring at him as if he was about to shatter.

The war had reached us and in a way none of us had expected. Somebody had tainted his image, the persona he had created to give freedom turning into a mass murderer. Whoever who was behind that attack, they knew exactly the damage that such a thing would cause. They had shattered the figure that people trusted most, the personification of rebellion and freedom and it was easy to assume the opposition cell was behind it. They hadn’t put a tyranny among the country right away. They were trying to turn the tables of their beliefs to prove them wrong and chain them after that.

I approached V, placing my hand on his shoulder. However, he grabbed it gently, taking it away. I held my breath when he gave me a fast glimpse, full of watery dullness.

“V…” I muttered brokenly.

He shook his head slightly, taking his gaze away from me, his hand backing away. I contemplated him entering in shock, isolating in a pool of darkness, and I felt I couldn’t avoid it at that moment. V walked out of the room slowly, disappearing, and a cold, hard shiver shook me.

I turned to them, seeing the fear written all over their expressions. Allana was looking in the direction that her brother had walked away with watery eyes, full of sorrow. Bel and I locked our gazes, silently knowing our peaceful mirage was over.

I accompanied them outside, telling them to warn the others and that we would meet at nine at the hotel in the morning to talk about what we should do. They didn’t say much, just nodding. Once they were gone, I returned inside, walking upstairs where I knew V was.

Seeing the door of the box room open, I showed up by the doorstep, staring into the darkness. V was standing before a little pile of boxes, staring down at one of his masks in his hands. My heart cracked with worry and I approached him slowly. His gaze was completely lost, as if looking through the mask as if it was completely transparent. He didn’t even seem aware I was there.

I rose my hand, grabbing the mask and taking it away from him. V reacted then, raising his gaze to me, still lost.

“This is my fault,” he whispered in a robotic voice.

“No. It’s not,” I argued in a soft tone, worried for his dullness.

“Yes, it is,” he snapped roughly, rage slowly increasing in his features. “You haven’t seen what I’ve seen in those images, Evey. You haven’t seen what they’ve done.”

“Killing your image,” I said, a bit offended that he thought I was that short-sighted. “And killing people’s hope with it. Turning the tables to make them think you were the bad one all along.”

He huffed, taking his eyes away from me again, tilting his head to a side to avoid me even more. I sighed, seeing how there was something wrong in my assumption, but he didn’t correct me.

“What am I missing?” I muttered, my grip around the mask tightening as my anxiety grew. “What’s what I haven’t seen?”

“That I’ve been a complete idiot,” he breathed out, a sharp knife in his tone, cutting his own voice.

He backed against the boxes, letting out a sharp exhale, gripping the edges until they deformed under his force.

“I should’ve seen it…” he grunted. “I should have realized they weren’t only punishing me.”

“What?” I whispered, shaken by a huge shiver.

He straightened up, giving me a look full of stern fury, “They have recreated me,” V stated roughly. “They have given life to another monster.”

“What are you saying, V?” I muttered almost sarcastically. “That’s impossible. Everything Delia wrote and worked in was destroyed.”

“With one exception:” he said, “me.”

I ran out of breath, connecting the pieces at last, before he could say it out loud. Before my silence, he straightened up, although his eyes kept down, staring viciously at the box that contained some of his possessions.

“They had me for months at their disposition,” he explained with poison in his words. “They tested me in a million ways and I suspect they did some things to me that I don’t remember because of the drugs. And I’ve been incredibly stupid to not realize that sooner. I shouldn’t have fallen for their tricks in the first place.”

His fingers went through the cardboard of the box, the ripped pieces keeping in his palms. I swallowed down as he huffed, turning the material into a pair of balls as he clenched his fists, throwing them away roughly right away.

“People are being murdered because I gave them the opportunity to create another monster like me,” V stated, furious, breathing raggedly. “They’ve been playing to be God again, not acting before because they had another plan. And I gave them the tools,” he repeated in a rough statement, whipping at himself invisibly. “I should have died in that damned cell twenty years ago.”

Shaken by a sudden fury, I approached him, grabbing his arm roughly and making him face me.

“Don’t you ever say that again,” I grunted, incredibly mad.

“You’re not grasping the consequences of what I did, Evey,” he answered back, not backing away on his statement, feeding my anger.

“I have eyes, you know? And I know how those bastards act pretty well,” I said, pushing the mask against his chest, making him grab it. “But nothing will change because you blame yourself. If they wanted to do this, they would have found the way without having you, even if they had to start from scratch and experiment for decades before they succeeded. So, cool down, okay?”

He clenched his fingers around the mask, seeming as if he wanted to break it into two shattered pieces. However, he didn’t. He just stared at me, breathing brokenly, eyes full of sharp fire.

“We knew something would happen sooner or later,” I stated. “We knew we would have to come back to war. We are who we are, V. We can’t flee from our duty forever. If we don’t fix this, the country will sink into darkness again. And I have to remind you that our daughter will swallow the consequences in the future too, if we don’t act now. It’s not the moment to blame yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can,” he said in a lower voice, although his angry pose didn’t flatter. “I don’t trust my powers anymore. What am I supposed to fix if I fell in their trap so easily? I don’t think… I’m who I thought I was.”

He looked down at the mask, his grip relaxing, the fury changing suddenly into profound remorse and sorrow. I sighed, also deflating, coming closer to him and cupping his face gently, making him look up, fixing our gazes.

“You are better now, compared to who you were,” I said, reassuring. “But you are the same furiously intelligent and strong man I met. When you appeared, nobody knew you. You built up the trust of the people from nothing and led the country to freedom by yourself. You can fix this,” I insisted, remarking my words with confidence. “You will find the way, just as always. And you’re not alone. We’re with you and, if you’re unsure, you always can find strength in Vera. Keep in mind this is for her well-being, for her future. For your own future.”

His eyes watered, his lids-half closing, his grip shaking around the mask. He took a shuddering breath, gazing at me with desperation. I could read the unsureness in his eyes, the fear of losing himself again in the mask. Grabbing it again, I rose it to his face, tying the straps at the back of his head. He gasped roughly, feeling it for the first time in almost a year and a half. Then, I rose on my tiptoes, pressing a kiss against the enamelled lips, a shiver running all over my body at the cold sensation, remembering how it felt.

“We can do this, love,” I whispered lovingly. “And once we succeed, we will be free to enjoy our lives at last, without worrying over war constantly. But we have to afront this first. And we will do it together. I promise you that you won’t lose yourself and that we won’t break. Though you have to accept your two sides for that to happen. If you refuse one, it won’t work.”

His chest rose in a deep exhale, escaping the mask with a hissing sound, reverberating inside me. I almost had forgotten how different he sounded with it. He grabbed my hands, taking them away from the mask and placing them against his chest. V stayed silent for a whole minute, his heart beating wildly as he looked at me.

“We should move immediately, then,” he said, sounding steadier. “We have to hatch a plan as soon as possible.”

“I’ve told the girls to warn everybody. We will be reuniting at the hotel at nine tomorrow.”

He nodded and took his fingers to the straps of the mask, untying it and revealing his face again. He threw it to the box and looked at me with saddened eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I didn’t want to be so harsh with you.”

“You haven’t been,” I whispered, smiling fondly and approaching more to encircle him with my arms. “It’s been a hard hit. I understand.”

He sighed, relying on my embrace and returning it, pressing me closer. I hid my face in his neck and breathed in his scent, feeling safe and strong in his warmness. He was shaking slightly, but he held me so tightly it was barely noticeable.

“I love you,” I muttered.

“I love you too,” he whispered against my hair, pressing a soft kiss against my curls.

“We will be fine, okay?” I caressed his back reassuringly.

He nodded, squeezing me more. The calm happiness of being with him returned, but I found it shattered immediately, torn by a sudden worry that came out of nowhere. A huge cold shiver took over my skin when the sensation hit me. However, I dismissed it, saying to myself it was nothing. I needed to believe everything would be alright. It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! <3
> 
> Guess we're starting the second part of the story! Yay! <3 This had to be a little longer but I've been sick all week and well... Life. Also, I'll be posting every two weeks now. My anxiety has given me a warning this week that I have to slow down right now and I have to listen because sometimes it's wiser than I am. If I have a good week, maybe I'll post sooner. Summing it up, the next chapter will be between the 7th and 8th of March. If somebody's reading Veritas Vincit: The Fallen Rose too, maybe I'll write shortest chapters so I can post more usually. I don't know yet.
> 
> Anyway... I hope you enjoyed the chapter! <3 The playlists have been updated, as always. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> See you soon! <3


	20. When the days are getting dark, nights are getting hard, I see you

The next morning, when we all met at the hotel, there was a thick atmosphere. When we arrived, everybody was sitting in the dining room, sipping tea with total disinterest. They turned towards us when we entered the building, a bunch of long faces directed to us at once. I sensed how V tensed up, sighing softly, and gave Vera to me, who had been in his arms all the way.

We sat with them and stared at each other in silence for a while. V noticed that the present ones were expecting him to say the first word, to put a plan in motion. We hadn’t talked much about what we would do, since he was still in an unstable mood. He had just told me that we should return to London for a few days, to inspect the situation, which, obviously, meant leaving Vera at Setoun, safe. Aside from that, I didn’t know how he was planning to proceed.

That was the first thing he informed them about. He told them that the best would be that two of them accompanied us to London, meanwhile the others stayed to keep both points communicated and take care of the situation there. There was a moment of indecision between us until Maria talked. She offered herself to stay, adding Aiden to the pack, declaring that Jeremy could be more useful in London and Bel was the best fighter of them. Having agreed to do that, V said that we should depart as soon as possible. Everyone returned home to prepare, although we stayed with Allana to ask her to take care of Vera while we were out of the town. She accepted gladly, looking at us with concern. I could see the slight fear of losing her family again. However, the resilience overshadowed it, raising above the worry.

We returned home to pack Vera’s things and ours and stayed for a long hour on the sofa, playing with our daughter, swallowing down the horrible feeling of having to leave her behind, even if for a few days.

After that, we got inside the car parked before our house, lent by Allana months ago, which we hadn’t used until that very moment. We put our things in the boot and got inside. I drove the brief distance until the hotel and we left Vera with Allana. After prolonging the moment of saying goodbye all we could and receive a couple of hugs from Allana and promise her we would be alright, we got in the car again.

We picked Bel and Jeremy up and they sat on the rear part of the car, where the windows were covered with a pair of dark sun shields. I put on the wig I used the first time I met Allana, a pair of sunglasses and started the car again, driving out of Setoun, leaving it for the first time after a whole year.

We had an eight hours trip ahead, with a few tolls in the way, so it was important we passed unnoticed as much as possible. Bel and Jeremy were completely protected and I was pretty unrecognisable like that. However, V could only put on the hood of his sweater and sunglasses and turn around on the seat every time we arrived at one, faking being asleep. We didn’t want to take any chance, in case somebody recognised me by accident and put two and two together.

Jeremy and Bel fell asleep briefly after getting out of Setoun. I turned on the radio, keeping it a low volume, just to fill the tense silence between us. V was still radiating some tension, his mind probably wandering through places I couldn’t reach. If he was hatching a plan right then, or just trying to tie up loose ends, I didn’t want to disturb.

When we arrived at London, it was late in the night and the streets were completely quiet. It was as if there was a curfew again, the fear of the recent event lingering even if there was nobody around.

I parked the car near the deserted plot and we rushed to the rusty door. Bel and Jeremy followed us, not being able to fully hide the excitement in their faces. Nobody except by me had been at the Shadow Gallery, the lair that they had been hearing about for almost three years, and they would see it at last.

I couldn’t hide the excitement either. It had felt like an eternity since the last time I had been there, not knowing I wouldn’t return for that long. V, however, still seemed gloomy. When we were walking through the tunnels, I grabbed his hand. I suspected he worried over his former home being whole. When he made me leave to the White Meadow, he was unsure about the opposition cell still searching for his lair, and there was no certainty that they had stopped. Even so, I had the feeling that everything would be in its place. In the end, the Shadow Gallery wasn’t easy to find even if the tunnels were found.

When we faced the blinded door, at last, my heart was beating fast and I felt the excitement flutter in my stomach.

“Oh, fuck,” Bel gasped when V started to pull back the bars to open it. “This is surreal.”

“Wait and see,” I turned around to them, smiling slyly.

V pushed the door open, a cold rush of air getting out, and backed to a side to let us in. Jeremy and Bel entered the place like children, rushing with joy in their expressions. I grinned at V and he returned it slightly. We both followed our friend inside and I turned on the light while V secured the door again.

Both of them gasped at the sight. “You’re kidding,” Jeremy muttered.

“Feel at home,” V said, leaving his long, black coat on the stand, and approaching to grab theirs. “May you show them the place and give them a room?” He asked me gently. “I’ll place the food in the kitchen and go to the basement to see what can I do with the heater.”

“Sure,” I nodded, taking off my coat too.

V disappeared by the hall, going to the kitchen carrying the bags of food we had brought with us, while Jeremy and Bel were still hallucinating just with that slight part of the Gallery.

“Come on, guys,” I urged them. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

I showed them the basic places; there were too many rooms to go one by one just then. I gave Bel my former room and Jeremy one that was near it. I helped them to clean a bit, so they had been unused for long and there was dust all around. Then, I let them make themselves comfortable and walked to our bedroom to unpack a few things.

When I walked inside the room, I felt another rush of excitement, leaving the suitcase aside and throwing myself to the bed. A faint scent of dust hit my nostrils, but I didn’t mind, suddenly embraced by the known surface of that mattress. I smiled for myself, placing my hands over my belly at the resumed fluttering, caused by a bunch of sweet memories that happened there.

“You seem very joyful.”

I rose my head, catching the glimpse of V, backed on the doorstep. I backed myself on my forearms, being able to look at him better in that position. He was smiling with a bit of sadness and it cracked my heart.

“I’m happy to be back,” I simply said.

He puffed, smiling more, and turned on the light. V approached me and I sat on the edge of the bed, looking up to find his shiny eyes. I realized it was the first time we were at the Gallery with him totally uncovered and, far from being strange, it made the moment more enchanting.

“The heater is working,” he told me. “Although, I’m afraid it will take long until everything is warm again.”

“It’s alright. There’s a bunch of blankets around here, luckily.”

He nodded, making a slight face and I sighed, grabbing his hand and approaching it to my mouth to place a soft kiss against his knuckles.

“You’ve been very quiet all the way,” I muttered in a soft one. “And not happy at all to be here again. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s nothing,” he sighed, sitting by my side. “I’m just trying to find a way to solve this as fast as possible. And definitely.”

I placed a hand over his thigh, making him look at me with a bit of worry in his eyes. “You will,” I assured him. “And we will be back to our lives soon, with Vera.”

He nodded and I knew he was still concerned about putting the mask on again. I couldn’t do much about that now, besides distracting him. He would feel like that until he let out the persona and realized he could go back to the man without getting trapped on his other side.

I put a hand over his shoulder and moved to straddle him, sitting on his lap. V sighed, grabbing my hips gently as I smiled slyly. I cupped his face, pressing my body against him as much as the position let me. His eyes shone with sudden intensity and he pressed his lips on a thin line for a moment. All of a sudden, I sensed the heat of his body raising.

“And,” I started, speaking with a mumbling voice, near his lips, “look at the bright side of this: we’ll be alone tonight.”

“We are not alone, my love,” he smiled, his voice sounding lighter now before my insinuation. “We have our friends around here.”

“I’ve given them the rooms nearer the entrance. They won’t hear anything from there,” I warned him, heating up more my tone, swaying my hips once as if placing myself better on his lap.

He breathed out huskily, the air entering his lungs in a more ragged way now. “I don’t know…” He mumbled, unsure.

“We don’t hear as much as you do,” I sniggered. “Also, it’s not like we’re going to break the walls down.”

He clicked his tongue, smiling wider and approaching his mouth more to mine. “Maybe not the walls,” he lowered his hands, gripping my buttocks, making me gasp and shiver, “but I think we have a record in breaking other things.”

I laughed, faking offence, knowing exactly what was going through his mind. “No, no,” I shook my head, lowering my hands to his neck, placing them there delicately. “That wasn’t my fault. Don’t you dare to put the blame on me.”

V chuckled more. A couple of months ago, we had created a little mess in one of the hotel’s rooms, a day Allana asked us for help to clean the attic. That day, everybody was occupied and the kids were around, so she ended up taking them to the beach to avoid them getting between the work and getting hurt. She left us alone and we continued working. We had to move a few things of one of the rooms to the attic, once it was cleaned, and when we were over, we kind of found ourselves teasing each other and getting tangled very fast. Find time for us was hard and being alone, suddenly without nothing to do, ended up with us doing it on that room’s bed. The thing was that we got too excited and not considered those beds were not the most resistant furniture, and we broke one of its legs because of the movement. I still hadn’t gotten over the embarrassment of telling Allana and knowing she would tease me with it forever.

“We were there, the two of us,” he said teasingly. “If you don’t remember.”

“Yeah,” I muttered. “But you were the one on top.”

He sniggered and I sensed the heat slowly taking over his face. Suddenly overwhelmed by his beauty, by the love I felt, I pressed my lips against his in a hungry way. V moaned as I deepened into the kiss quickly, pushing him down, his back colliding against the mattress. I rocked my hips against his, noticing his excitement completely stirred already. He growled, breaking the kiss for a moment, gasping. I reproduced the movement again and his hands gripped me tighter, his voice cracking as he tried to keep his voice low.

“Evey,” he whispered in a moan. “The door is open.”

“They won’t come,” I muttered. “And you’ll hear them anyway, if they do.”

I tried to kiss him again, but he shifted a bit, pressing his head more against the mattress, seeming incredibly flustered. “Again:” he breathed out. “it’s for myself I’m worried about. If you keep doing that,” he grunted, stilling my hips with a harder grip, “I don’t think I can control myself.”

A shiver shook me, my belly starting to tingle and my heart weakening with his words. I kept my hips stilled, but pressed them down more. V grunted louder now, half-closing his eyes. “Then, don’t,” I teased him.

“Why do you do this to me?” He whimpered, sighing, shutting his lids.

“I just miss you,” I admitted, kissing his jaw. “And I’m dying for a bit of time with you alone.”

“I know,” he mumbled with a bit of sorrow. “We can wait a few more hours; that’s all I’m saying.”

I pouted, standing up, feeling all my body aching at the self-imposed distance. He didn’t seem happy at all, either, sitting on the edge again.

“Alright,” I sighed tiredly.

Once the suitcases were unpacked and we all had taken a shower, we had a very late breakfast and rested for the whole day, most of us taking a long nap. V, instead, immersed himself in his study, clearly wanting to continue his internal battle to find a plan.

We woke up in the late evening, to find him already cooking dinner. The Gallery was still chilly and we ate crowded around the little table of the kitchen, having approached a few more chairs. Jeremy and Bel continued complimenting the place and asking things, while I just witnessed the scene, completely in awe. Three years ago, I would never have thought I would see something like that: V uncovered, with excited friends around, enjoying his company, in the very Shadow Gallery, probably the most secret place in the whole city. My heart always beat happily when I realized how much we had advanced in life, how he had grown from self-isolation and loathing.

“Well… I was telling Jem before that maybe we should get into a recognisance mission tonight, him and I,” Bel told V, once we finished eating.

Right after she had said those words and I had stared at her for a long second, I realized the intention behind that statement. She wanted to leave, to give us space.

V sighed, furrowing a little, backing against the counter. “I’m afraid that’s not very secure,” he answered, concern lingering in his voice. “Not being just you two.”

“Man,” she sniggered. “Let me remind you: we’re the ones who got you out of that fortified laboratory. With almost bare hands. We’ll be fine if we wander around the roofs for a couple of hours.”

“Allow me to be uneasy, anyway,” V stated, keeping his tone soft even if he was clearly worrying over them. “I won’t stop you. I understand you rely on me for this situation; I don’t have the intention to lead, although. If you want to get out, I won’t say you can’t. But I have to ask for extreme precaution. We still don’t know what are we facing exactly.”

“That’s precisely why a bit of recognisance will be fine,” she smiled slyly, passing an arm around her cousin’s shoulders and tilting her head to look at him. “Right?”

“Actually…” Jeremy started.

“Right?” She cut him off, repeating the question more harshly, tightening her grip around him.

“Right,” he sighed.

V exhaled, tensing up. “Take the beepers with you, at least,” he said, resigned. “Contact us if something happens.”

“Aye-aye,” she smiled.

“Oh, no,” I chuckled. “Have you been spending too much time with Ollie and Maria lately?”

“A bit.”

Jeremy and Bel followed V’s petition and grabbed their beepers, which Jeremy had been saving for an occasion like that and had taken them with him, just in case we needed them. Wearing the darkest clothes that they owned, and assuring V they would be completely alright and find the way back to the Gallery again, they exited the place. V sighed once the door closed behind them, looking extremely tired.

“Don’t worry,” I sniggered, giving him a soft elbow, fondly. “They’ll be alright.”

“I hope so.”

“What are you going to do when Vera grows up, huh, if you worry so much over your friends?” I teased him.

“Hopefully, Vera won’t be immersed in such matters just as we are, when she grows up.”

“Her teen years might be harder to handle than plotting and treason,” I smiled, seeing his uneasiness grow second after second.

“All I care about is that she can live them, and freely,” he said, turning to me. “And it’ll be alright if we all survived this. That’s why I don’t feel sure about them going out. If I doubt that I can handle this reproduction of myself, I don’t dare to picture what could happen if he finds them first.”

“Hey,” I mumbled, placing my hands on his cheeks, giving him a reassuring look. “You’re overthinking. Everything will be alright. Maybe they won’t even recognise anything. Maybe they will just sit somewhere in the tunnels for a few hours. Bel just wanted to leave us alone.”

He kept quiet, his gaze filling with understanding. “That makes sense,” he breathed out.

“See?” I laughed, freeing him. “Just breathe, alright?”

V nodded, still seeming a bit uneasy, and I opted to keep the night going, take advantage of that time that Bel had given us. I closed the distance between us completely, hugging him, placing my arms around his neck.

“What if we prepare the bed in the study and spend a bit of time there?” I whispered in a low voice. “Our bedroom is still very cold. And I miss the fireplace.”

I almost felt him shivering at my words. He gulped a little, his pupils starting to expand, and just nodded in agreement. I smiled, giving him a fast kiss, feeling the excitement already raising inside my body.

V prepared everything like the last time we slept there: the cashmere blanket and fluffy pillows over the bed and the fireplace lighted up brightly with a vivid fire. Also, he left my old beeper on the table, just in case. Meanwhile, I poured a bit of wine into two glasses and joined him in the study. He was still looking nervous. Nevertheless, I didn’t know if it was because of our friends anymore.

We sat by the fire for a while, drinking wine and talking about how we were missing Vera already. It was starting to feel strange to be without her and we were wondering if she was feeling as strange as we did. The thought that she couldn’t stop crying because she missed us was making us really anxious, so we opted to change the subject.

After finishing the wine, we stared at each other with prolonged silence. He inhaled brokenly, increasing nervousness in his eyes. V grabbed the glasses then and got out of the study, leaving me alone before the fireplace with a smirk, my eyes fixed on his back as he walked out. I turned my head to the fire, breathing in, feeling the need in my stomach creeping just as the flames did. It was the first time we were completely alone for almost a month and a half and, knowing what we could have ahead, I wanted to make the most of that night together.

V returned soon after, sitting again before me on the carpet. His blue eyes shone with the same expectation I felt, looking at me in silence, expecting. For a moment, I was taken away by the ethereality of his features, the complete devotion I professed him burning in my chest.

“What?” He breathed out.

“Nothing,” I said, smiling more. “It’s just that you’re beautiful.”

He puffed, smiling and shaking his head slightly, between embarrassed and sceptical, and turned his face towards the fire. I sighed, making a face a bit.

“You still don’t believe me, right?” I muttered, feeling my heart ache a little. I wished he could acknowledge himself more.

“I believe you think so,” he answered with a light tone and turned to look at me again, giving me a fond smile. “That’s all I need.”

I approached him more, cupping his cheeks with the most delicate gesture I could pull out. He sighed softly, his eyes softening at the touch.

“Not true,” I whispered lovingly. “You need to believe it too for yourself. Or you will stop believing me at some point.”

“Meanwhile you look at me this way, I will believe it,” he answered, his voice turning softer as he spoke.

I pulled out a smile; that was enough of a step. I always looked at him lovingly and he didn’t believe me before. Now, at least he could believe it through my eyes.

Placing my arms around his neck, placing myself closer, I sat on his lap. V gasped softly, not averting his eye from mine as his arms wrapped around my body. I sensed his heat raising through the thin material of his shirt as his pupils started to expand.

“I will always look you this way,” I muttered close to his mouth, tugging neck of his shirt. “Do you remember the night before I had to go to the White Meadow for the first time?”

He cracked a shy smile, “Of course.”

I pressed my forehead against his, making his breath hitch a little as my fingers outlined the collar of the shirt, arriving at the centre and setting the first button free. V breathed in nervously.

“And how I took off your clothes?” I continued, setting free more buttons slowly, talking near his ear, “How I touched you for the first time?” I placed a soft kiss against his neck, making him gasp. “How I kissed your body?” I followed a trace down his neck, sensing his grip tightening around me, and opened his shirt completely, placing my hands over his abdomen. “How scared you were?”

He sighed roughly and I interpreted as a confirmation. I bit his ear very softly to not hurt him, ripping a low moan from him. I placed a trace of kisses from behind his ear to his jaw, his head slightly tilting backwards. I raised slightly, hovering over his lips, close, and he gazed at me through a half-lidded gaze full of surrender.

“You know?” I muttered huskily. “I was scared too.”

V furrowed slightly, confusion climbing to his eyes, that fact not part of his memories clearly. A slight worry appeared all of a sudden in his features.

“You were?” He whispered in a low voice, concerned.

“Yes,” I smiled a bit. “When I saw you so beautiful, so mine…” I rose my hands in a long caress through his body, gripping the edges of his shirt and taking it off down his arms. “I was scared. Because I realized what was about to happen was unknown to me, just as much as it was for you.”

His lips parted, his frown intensifying, a protest shinning inside his eyes. However, I spoke before he could.

“I had never fallen in love before. I had never been with somebody I loved as I love you,” I explained, smiling more, feeling the magnetism between us wanting me to capture his lips. However, I controlled myself. “I knew nothing about how desperately I needed you, how intense feeling you was… And, God…” I sighed, furrowing, placing my hands at the sides of his neck. “I just want to have you for the rest of my life now. I can’t breathe if I can’t feel you.”

He whined softly, huskily, starting to tremble and tightened his arms around me. I pressed my lips against his, deepening into the kiss fast, searching for his tongue right away. V moaned and I sensed how he furrowed, desperately surrendering to the dance of my mouth over his. I pulled away for a brief second, to which he answered with a soft grunt, displeased, but turned breathless when I took off my sweater and pressed my body against his again. We both hissed at the contact of our skins, his pleading lips searching for mine instantly. One of his hands rose to intertwine in my curls, while the other worked to unclasp my bra. When he archived his mission, we moved together to throw it away without breaking the kiss completely. He gripped one of my breasts right away and I backed away a bit, sighing, feeling a strong bolt of desire ran down my belly. I swayed my hips against his, pressing myself more against his completely stirred excitement.

V groaned, fixing his eyes on mine with utter desperation. He parted his lips, gasping, and pressed them again, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Instead, taken by a clear frustration, he gripped my thighs tightly and stood up with me holding onto his body. He captured my mouth roughly, grunting, walking towards the sofa-bed and rested me against the mattress horizontally, ignoring completely the pillows, and less delicately than he usually did. The slight hit against the bed made me shiver with growing desire and I didn’t even have time to do anything, so V pressed himself against me as fast, filling my mouth with heated kisses once more.

When he pulled away, he stood up on the floor again, unzipping my trousers and gripping the edges with impatience, freeing me from all the layers that kept us apart. I gulped, giving my lower lip a fast lick, sensing my mouth completely dry and my breath gone. I had died to straddle him, to press him against that improvised bed and take him all night. However, now I was immobile under his intense eyes fixed on me, feeling extremely vulnerable and needy. I would have hated that feeling in the past, but now he was the one about to have me. And I couldn’t fight the feeling that I somehow adored surrendering to him. When he looked that fierce, that wonderfully ethereal, I couldn’t resist.

He unzipped his own trousers without averting his eyes from me and I gasped, now completely out of air.

“You’re so unfair…” I muttered as he freed himself from his clothes and placed himself over me again.

I sensed his hips between my legs as he lowered, his erection brushing my lower belly, my body shivering at the contact.

He breathed out huskily, his rough breath triggering the tremble in my muscles. V lowered, taking my ear between his teeth, making me utter a low moan.

“You’re unfair, Evey,” he whispered in a low, husky voice near my ear, my trembling growing. “You know perfectly how to attack my heart.”

“I was being honest,” I breathed out, closing my eyes as his lips started to conquer my neck.

“Precisely,” he answered against my skin, and hovered over my face again, staring at me with increasing intensity. “You make me feel I don’t have control of myself anymore.”

“I can’t say I’m sorry for that,” I whispered, barely, feeling my lower belly aching with need and my heat burning my insides.

He clenched his jaw, capturing my mouth in a desperate kiss again, growling softly. V moved again to my neck, giving me a couple of bites and wet kisses, rushing to go down my body and capture a breast in his hand, pitching my nipple, while his mouth, his teeth, taking care of the other. I arched a bit, already feeling dizzy, whining softly at the feeling of his tongue and fingers playing with me. He moved his mouth to the other soon enough, and surprised me when his hand lowered to my folds without compassion, starting right away a desperate motion over them. I cried out, my head falling backwards, my back arching more, as he touched me that mercilessly. I sensed a rush of raw pleasure take over me, feeding my dizziness and making my body tingle when he pushed two fingers inside me at once, searching for the right spot right away, making me scream. I heard him utter a low moan too, barely, and sensed him get down the bed. He took his hand away and I whimpered, opening my eyes to see him kneeling on the floor as he gripped my waist, approaching me nearer the edge. V had the look of wanting to consume me completely, willing to break me until I had nothing but madness for him inside me.

He gave me a fast glance as he moved his hands through my thighs, placing my legs on his shoulders. I let out a shaky pant as he lowered, capturing my folds in his mouth. The sight as he started to move made my sanity quiver, my eyes almost shutting at the pleasure that just his wet mouth on me was. I thought he would resume the intensity with which he had started that intercourse, but, suddenly, he was being painfully slow.

“V…” I moaned, pleading, but unable to express anything else.

I sensed the tip of his tongue encircling my bud slowly, creating a hurtful tingling on my belly, obliging me to lay completely flat over the mattress, shut my lids hard and try to hold myself onto the cashmere blanket under my trembling body. I moaned loudly in desperation, sensing how he was slowing down on purpose whenever my voice rose more, signal I was approaching my limit. Whenever he did this, the only thing I could do to protest was growling, gripping the blanket tighter in my fists.

He gripped my thighs tighter when I started to shake so much that I couldn’t keep them placed there. V lowered even more and I shouted, thrown into madness, when I felt his tongue teasing my entrance, slightly entering me. After that, when he returned to my bud, he only needed a couple more of faster movements to throw me completely into a devastating climax. I shouted, taken by the waves of my orgasm, through which he drove me, not stopping until I couldn’t anymore.

Everything seemed to have gone completely quiet around me, my ears buzzing and my body feeling like it was floating. My whole being tingled and I still felt the ache in my stomach from a need that wasn’t completely fulfilled. However, I couldn’t move or think clearly. I couldn’t even open my eyes, completely weakened.

I just opened my eyes when I felt his arms passing under me, raising me to place me straight on the bed. He nudged my legs apart carefully, hovering over me again, backed on his palms. I whimpered at the feeling of his heat and his pupils turned into two deep circles of raw desire.

“Are you alright?” He gasped, breathing raggedly.

I nodded.

“Do you need to rest?” V lowered more, his face now closer to mine, the heat of his breath clouding my mind more.

“No,” I said in a rough voice, raising my arms to hold onto his back, with the last trace of strength he had left in me.

He grunted softly, his eyes half shutting, and gave me a softer kiss, but his teeth revived the appearance he had a moment before of wanting to devour me, biting my lower lip with gentleness.

“Oh, God…” I grunted, digging my fingers on the flesh of his back, giving him a desperate look. “Take me now, V.”

V clenched his jaw, giving me another kiss, harder and more desperate, and took his hand to one of my legs, gripping it up, placing it around his waist, and I rose the other one, encircling his body. He placed himself better, without taking his eyes off mine. I could see clearly reflected on them how he wanted me desperately, how I ignited something primal in him. When I sensed the tip of his length against my folds, I whined, trembling slightly and arching my hips a bit. He gasped, entering me with a slow thrust, impatient but clearly restraining himself.

I moaned roughly, feeling my body adjusting to him after so many weeks of not having him properly. V started to tremble over me, shutting his eyes tight as he started to move faster, colliding against me with a growing need. When he opened his eyes again, I saw the fire in him, burning brightly with a new cause. His voice broke soon, ringing with desperate moans as his thrust turned more aggressive, his hand having to leave my leg to back himself completely on the mattress again.

He was burning. I could feel his heavy heat crushing me as he made me his, his body slowly crumbling. He pressed his forehead against mine and moaning very close to my mouth.

“Evey,” he grunted and I tightened my grip on his back, shivering at his needy voice. “Evey, God… Ah… I’m…”

“What?” I gasped, barely.

V growled and moaned as he gave me a couple of harder thrusts, capturing my mouth passionately and grabbing one of my arms, placing it down against the mattress and interlacing our fingers tight. He muffled my loud moans with his kisses, muffling his desperate ones as well.

He was trembling so hard it made me worry for a moment. However, then, he rose on his knees, without getting out of me, his lustful eyes keeping me down on the mattress. He passed his hand under the small of my back, raising me slightly to keep me alighted better with his hips, and his other hand found my folds. I cried out when he started to pass his thumb over my bud, tilting my head back and closing my eyes hard.

For almost a minute, he seemed to be figuring out how to keep doing that better, softly trying to thrust into me with soft movements without stopping the motion of his hand. He didn’t move his hips much, but I heard him grunt softly between my loud moans. He stoked me, thrust into me with softness, until he had me shaking, on the edge, moaning desperately. When I was about to reach another orgasm, his movement turned bolder, his hips colliding as hard as he could without interfering with his hand. I exploded right away and he took his hand away, gripping my waist and moving faster again. I cried out as he drove me through the waves of my orgasm, increasing them, him not taking long in utter a sharp growl, trembling as he came, throbbing inside me.

He stopped, gasping roughly, getting out of me and resting my body completely on the mattress and trying to breathe in. I opened my eyes to look at him. He had closed his, had tilted his head a bit to a side and had a hand covering his forehead.

“Are you okay?” I breathed out how I could.

“Yes,” he said, opening his blue gaze.

V lowered, placing himself by my side on the bed, letting out a deep sigh, the lust in his eyes slowly vanishing, discovering the pure love under it. He smiled, a little laugh escaping between his teeth, ringing with a bit of embarrassment.

“It’s just that…” He muttered. “It’s been very intense.”

“You bet,” I chuckled, rolling to place my head against his shoulder and a hand on his chest. He sighed, content, adjusting to me. “It’s been a long time, I guess.”

He rounded me with his arm, placing his hand fondly on my shoulder. I looked up, our gazes meeting in the brief distance between our faces. I felt a strong shiver shaking me, suddenly feeling extremely happy, with his warmth covering all my body, the afterglow lingering above us in the sweetest way. I certainly loved those moments with him, with nothing between us. I never got tired of touching his skin, the edges of his muscles, as if it was the first time I could. I would never forget how precious that was, always remembering the time when a bunch of layers separated us, strongly attached to him under his shame.

“Or maybe it’s because of the place,” he mumbled softly, a slight smile curving his lips.

I sniggered. “Well… It’s a possibility. It has a bunch of very pleasant memories,” I said, moving to half back my body on the top of his, smiling slyly.

“Certainly,” he whispered, his eyes lighting up as he looked at me, now above him, placing his hands on my back with supreme gentleness.

I smiled, uttering a soft laugh, and tilted my head down to kiss his neck a couple of times, making him gasp softly. I went up to his jaw, finally finding his lips, giving him a sweet, slow kiss, which he returned with a sigh, following me on that calmed pace.

As usual, I was unable to keep a relaxed over him, let alone feeling his strong body under me, heating again at the motion of my lips. I kissed him deeper, searching for his tongue. V obliged, not putting up any resistance, grunting softly with pleasure, his hands grabbing me tighter.

The kiss resumed my previous intentions, a devilish idea coming to my mind, and I pulled back instantly, gasping a little. He seemed confused by my sudden movement, with his lips parted, almost pleading.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I said, giving him a fast kiss. “I’ll be right back.”

“Alright,” he said, a hint of breathlessness in his voice. “Take the blanket. It’ll be cold outside the study still.”

“It’s fine,” I muttered, smiling as I pulled back to stand up. “I feel pretty hot right now, anyway.”

He chuckled, covering his eyes with his hand, embarrassed. I walked out, also smiling, and went directly to our bedroom. It was a bit chilly, true, but it didn’t matter. I was too focused in getting to my suitcase. I crouched down before it, at the feet of the bed, and opened it, unzipping one of its little pockets. I grabbed the set of lingerie I had put on during his birthday, a couple of days before, which we hadn’t used properly, in the end.

Getting inside the bathroom fast, I put everything on. I looked at myself in the mirror, checking the stockings and the garter belt was correctly placed and the bra was cupping my breasts the right way. I passed my fingers through my hair, combing the mess that had become thanks to my wild partner. Smiling slyly to myself, I got out, returning where he was.

When I entered the study again, and he turned his head to look at me, his eyes widened in shock, his mouth dropping a bit. He backed on his forearms, raising his trunk slightly. I approached the sofa, feeling the expectation already shaking me under his gaze. I straddled him right away, pressing a splayed hand on his chest and making him lay down with a bit of roughness. He gasped, gulping, his pupils already expanding.

I bent down as his hands travelled up my thighs, exploring the garment covering my legs, finally finding my buttocks, gripping them firmly. I sighed, a rush of electricity firing up my lower belly.

“When did you put this in the suitcase?” He whispered huskily, almost losing his voice.

“When you weren’t looking, obviously,” I answered in a low, rumbling voice, close to his lips.

He pressed his mouth, his breath starting to hitch, his eyes averting mine to look down to my body for a moment. “And I am the unfair one?” He muttered.

“Yes,” I sniggered, rocking my hips slightly against his growing excitement, making him growl of pleasure and frustration. I bent down more, approaching his ear. “And I’m going to get my revenge now,” I whispered huskily, giving him a soft bite.

V grunted, shifting a bit under me, fully hard now. I returned to his face and smiled widely at his flustered expression, completely different from the wildness he had manifested a few minutes before.

I pressed my lips against his, breathing in his scent, already feeling how hard it would be for me to keep it slow. I kissed him deeper, but in slow movements, drinking from his growls, dancing between desperation and pleasure. I lowered by his jaw, tracing his neck with soft kisses and bites, continuing by his shoulder. When I proceeded down his chest, I stopped by one of his rough and scarred nipples, giving it a lick. He uttered a low moan and I looked up, seeing how he tilted his head backwards, against the pillows. I smiled, biting it really softly, ripping a huskier moan from his voice this time. I licked it, tracing soft circles, trying to be as painfully slow as I could, and moved to the other one to repeat the motion.

Eventually, I lowered more, wandering over his abdominals, pressing my lips randomly above them, a few bites mixing between them when I found a zone soft enough. His muscles contracted under my attention, V whining and moaning, gripping the blanket under him, clearly trying to keep quiet.

When I arrived at his hips, placing a kiss near his length, he uttered a rougher moan, already sounding half on the edge. I placed myself between his legs, and continued down on my way of kisses just for a bit, giving one of his thighs a few. Then, I leaned over his length, passing my tongue all over it, ripping a desperate grunt from him, and rose again, grabbing it between my fingers.

V gasped, moving his hips up a little when I started to stroke him with soft movements, unconsciously trying to get more friction. His legs closed slightly, pressing against my sides, and I shivered, fuelled by the image of him, becoming totally wrecked really fast. I went down once more, parting his legs as I moved, and passed my tongue around his tips, making him whimper with need. I repeated the motion a couple of times, before taking the tip in my mouth, sucking it softly. He moaned loudly, arching his back, as I started to move my lips over him, adding my tongue to the work. I added the soft stroking of my hand on the base, a double slowness that made him cry out. I went on with that pace for a while, until I thought it was enough, and lowered my hand to his balls as I took him deeper into my mouth.

V grunted huskily and I had to press my other hand on one of his hips, trying to keep him from moving. One of his hands found mine, grabbing it tightly, almost painfully, as I began to rise and fall on his length, giving special attention to the tip whenever I reached it.

“Evey,” he cried out, eventually, after a few minutes of keeping a slow rhythm, my name sounding like a complete plea.

I took him out of my mouth, crawling up to him, resting my hips against his, our cores meeting. V gasped brokenly, looking at me with raw desperation, completely submitted. I bent down to have his face closer and smiled devilishly.

“What?” I asked in a low voice. “What do you want?”

“You,” V said breathlessly. “I want you… Need you,” he corrected, his gaze turning even softer, materializing a prayer.

“Now?” I smiled more when I saw him nodding impatiently. “Alright.”

I got off him, V following me with his gaze, clearly wanting for me to rush, but I moved with the same slowness than before. I took off my thong, letting it fall to the floor, and returned to him. He grabbed my hips as I hovered over his body, kneeled, not touching him yet. His hands were trembling slightly and his eyes were full of desperation, of expectation for me to make him mine. His eyes adverted a couple of times to my body, clearly fuelling his already ignited need, bringing a bit of disbelief to them.

I finally grabbed his length, making V gasp at the touch, and aligned him with my core. When his tip brushed my folds, he breathed in raggedly, growing restless as I was making him wait so much. Once I started to take him in, lowering, he let his head fall backwards, groaning at the feeling. When our hips met completely, his length completely into me, I started to sway my hips really slowly. V moaned huskily, even if the friction wasn’t much, and I watched how his muscles contracted, how his chest fell and rose with broken breathing. I gulped before the image, a shiver of pure electricity striking me.

He tilted his head up again, opening his hungry eyes, filling with more desperation as I kept moving so slow. V whimpered, gripping me tighter, and resting his head again on the pillows, shutting his lids hard.

“God, Evey…” He breathed out.

I bent down, uttering a husky laugh. “Is there a problem?” I muttered teasingly, as I continued to move, being able to take him deeper in that position.

Kissing his neck, I awaited, just receiving a few moans that were filled with helplessness. “Do you want me to go faster?” I muttered near his ear.

“Yes,” he admitted brokenly. “Please.”

Sniggering, I searched for his lips, kissing him deeply, hard at last. V growled, surrendering to the kiss, giving in as if I hadn’t kissed him for ages. I pulled away when my own need, contained since I started teasing him, exploded inside me at his voice. I backed my hands at the sides of his face and built the pace gradually, faster than I usually did.

V started to cry out again fast, clinging onto my back. He half-opened his eyes, staring at me with two dilatated pupils full of open adoration. I shivered all over, bending to capture his lips, colliding against his hips harder. He broke the kiss, a loud moan escaping his mouth. I grunted, shaken, and kissed his neck instead.

“You can’t imagine how much you turn me on, V,” I whispered to his ear, already breathless.

He whimpered at my words, his fingers scratching my back slightly. I rose a little, pressing my forehead against his and kissing him before having to back away more.

I opted to rise again, completely, sitting on his lap and swaying my hips with a regular pace, not wanting that to end that soon. V looked at my body again, this time for longer, his eyes shining brightly, full of adoration, and I felt a bit more of blush rise to my cheeks. His hands moved to my sides, caressing them gently, until arriving at my hips. He searched my eyes with his then, making me shiver at the intensity in them.

I didn’t want to let go of that feeling, the sensation of wholeness when I felt him that completely. Between all the wrongness surrounding us, those moments always felt like a rare blessing, something pure that was just ours.

He searched for my hands, interlacing our fingers and resting them against my legs, gripping them as if they were a lifeline. His lids shut tightly and he cried out roughly for the last time, getting lost into his climax. I held his hands, drove him through it, witnessing the marvelousness of him.

When he became quiet, gasping, I bent down to kiss him with all the passion that my trembling body could offer. He hugged me closer, rolling our bodies until we found ourselves laying on our sides, staring at each other.

“You’re going to kill me one day,” he whispered, smiling softly, one of his hands caressing one of my thighs, grabbing it to rest it on his hip.

I encircled him with my leg, caressing his chest with one of my palms at the same time. “We were interrupted on your birthday,” I said, still a bit breathless. “We had this pendant.”

“Wasn’t it an act of revenge?” He sniggered.

“Also,” I smiled slyly. “I was trying to seduce you and you’ve turned it around.”

“I apologize,” V muttered, returning my smile, clearly not feeling sorry not even for a bit.

“You don’t feel sorry, at all,” I protested jokingly and he laughed.

“No. I don’t. It’s true,” he admitted, getting closer of my face, pressing his forehead against mine. “Although, if it’s any consolation, you’ve got your revenge, truly. I thought my heart would stop.”

I smiled wider, satisfied, and passed one arm under his to hug him closer. We fell silent, embraced just by the sound of the fireplace and our breathings, just relaying on our closeness.

“I love you, Evey,” he whispered, eventually, as he caressed my curls, putting a few behind my ear.

I backed a bit to look at him and he did the same, the softness of his blue gaze full of love melting me instantly. “I love you too.”

He smiled, uttering a soft, happy laugh, pressing his forehead against mine right away. We stayed like that, breathing in the sweetness of our touch, sharing soft kisses and embracing each other.

The sound of the beeper fell on us like a rock, a forgotten reminder that every time had carried disgrace. V moved right away, his gaze already filled with fear, and stood up to grab the beeper. I reclined on the bed, following him as he looked down at the tiny screen. He rose his head right away, finding my scared and confused stare. Before he said anything, I knew the catastrophe was about to unleash.

“Just a direction,” he muttered. “We have to go. Now.”

That was enough for me to get up. My sense of fight and protect arose, making me go to our bedroom to find my old clothes of going into night missions. V dressed up as fast, his fingers trembling as he put on his theatrics after a whole year. I followed him to the dresser, not wanting to leave him alone, taking advantage of it to tie my hair before the mirror as well.

I observed him as he put on his wig and how he stared at the mask with a bit of unsureness. I put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a compassionate but confident look, and nodded. Sighing, he put it on, tying the straps at the back of his head. When he stood up, I felt a huge shiver running down my spine and my heart starting to beat crazily. I rose on my tiptoes to cup the mask and press a kiss against the enamelled lips.

“You can do this,” I whispered.

He gave me a nod and approached the full body mirror to put on his belt, already prepared with his new knives, and his cape. I tossed him the hat and, once it was settled on his head, I approached to grab his hand. Then, we exited the Gallery.

During all the way through the tunnels, I hoped that their message was just because they had found something and not a call for help. And, considering how tightly V was grabbing my hand, I knew he was hoping the same thing.

The direction drove us to a deserted plot with a big entrance to sewage. There, there was an old van parked. I held my breath when V continued walking towards the sewage, both of us entering the huge tunnel. A strong odour hit my nose right away and I grunted, displeased. Our boots splashed as we walked over the slight amount of dirty water at our feet.

Something alerted him before it could alert me. He tensed up right away, grabbing my hand tighter, and then a far scream was heard.

“Bel,” I gasped.

He started to run immediately and I followed, feeling a rush of cold blood running all over me, fear striking my system. I realized I had nothing to fight with and I couldn’t expect him to be near all the time. I was about to make him stop for a brief second and grab one of the knives. However, he did before I could, turning around in a fast movement. I almost collided against his chest, surprised. The next second, a huge hit made my body fly. I fell on the floor of the tunnel at my right, sensing the water soak my clothes, the pain keeping me down for a few moments. Gasping, feeling my body protesting, I sat up, looking at the place I had been a moment before. V wasn’t there.

That activated my senses quickly, making me stand on my feet and crossing the space until standing there again. He had vanished completely and the knowledge of what had happened hit me as fast as the events had occurred: the copycat was there.

My first thought was that I had to find them, any of them. I found myself running down the tunnel I hoped it was the right path. I didn’t hear anything but my ragged breathing and my feet. I slowed down sometimes, trying to hear something. However, suddenly, I seemed to be alone there.

The desperation was starting to hit me after a few minutes and I began to picture worse and worse scenarios. I was running down another tunnel, the putrefied water soaking my feet and splashing soundly as I advanced, fearing I was lost. My heart was beating out of control in my chest, anxiety oppressing my lungs. However, even if I felt I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t find myself to care. My head was filled with the need to find V, or one of my friends. I had a box cutter I had found around there tightly grabbed in my hand, ready to stab whatever monstrous being that tried to attack me.

Then, I heard a loud thud, and then a terrific screech, which echoed brutally through the tunnels, sounding not very far from where I was.

“V?” I screamed, all of a sudden not only worried, but terrified, and started running faster. “V!”

I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know those tunnels. I was driving myself by pure instinct, hoping to find the way to the sound. I heard more sounds, fainter, and continued following them, hoping the sonority of the place wasn’t fooling me.

Eventually, I found myself getting out of the tunnels, arriving at a place that seemed an old cave, enormous. A very strong smell of humidity hit my nostrils, worsening my already affected breathing. Gasping, I observed the dark channel of water that was getting out of another tunnel, falling into a little waterfall, down a dark place that the emergency light on the walls couldn’t illuminate.

Nobody. I would have sworn the sound had come from there. There was a hole in the wall and rubble under it, seeming freshly made, considering the slight smell of dust lingering in the air. I jumped the slight height that separated that tunnel end from the floor of the cave and approached the hole. Then, I noticed the blood and a strong shiver ran down my spine.

“Jem, no!” I heard Bel scream in the distance, horrified.

She shouted his name again, right after that, a sound of raw fear and desperation. Shaken, I put my body in motion instantly, feeling a sudden dread at the voice of my friend, warning me that the danger was on them.

However, when I was about to enter the other tunnel, following Bel’s voice, I heard a splashing sound coming from the waterfall. I saw something dark trying to hold onto the edge, a bulge creating under the water. For a moment, I had the instinct to flee, until I caught the glimpse of a known figure climbing up to the channel, the sight of Guy Fawkes’ mask under a dark wig giving me a sudden relief.

“V!” I shouted, getting into the channel, not caring about how strong the water could be or if it could drag me down.

I grabbed his arm, pulling him towards me, up, helping him stand. He held onto me, standing on his feet again, and coughed, bending slightly towards me.

“Are you alright?” I said brokenly, placing my hands on his forearms, utterly afraid.

V coughed again and uttered a grunt, bending more, when, suddenly, he straightened up as if somebody had hit him from behind, his body tensing furiously.

“Bel,” he grunted, moving out of the channel.

At that, the relief of finding him vanished, the scream of my friend coming to my mind again.

“She just screamed,” I gasped, following him.

He let out another growl and looked at me, already rushing towards the tunnel. “Don’t leave my side,” he said, making a move that showed me he would start running again, so I grabbed one of his knives before he could.

He got inside the tunnel and I followed. But, when I took a step inside, a sudden force dragged me out again, pulling me away from him. A pair of arms wrapped my body painfully, raising me on the air, my feet leaving the floor. I growled, right away knowing who was grabbing me, and I felt a rush of rage shaking my being. His body was extremely warm and smelled like iron and rubble. When he held me tighter, I sensed the profaned mask pounding against my scalp and his hot, ragged breathing touching my skin, feeding my anger.

V noticed at the very moment that he had caught me and got out of the tunnel. When I saw him touched by the faint light of the cave, I sensed the fear coming to me again.

“No!” I yelled. “Find them!”

I wasn’t scared of that copycat, but I was for my friend, who clearly had been attacked. And, considering V’s theory, if he was way stronger than him, the blood on the wall was V’s. He had been already hurt and thrown into that waterfall, and I didn’t want him near that monster.

“Yeah,” he said with a deep, teasing voice near my ear. “Go find them. I’ll be taking good care of her meanwhile. You don’t have to worry.”

His devilish voice shook me, increasing my anger, and I wrestled against him, trying to free me, to stab him with the knife. But I couldn’t move, not even a bit.

V grabbed a pair of his knives, coming closer, looking like a pure threat about to jump onto him.

“Set her free,” V growled in a low but threatening voice.

“Sorry, but I don’t think I will,” he said teasingly and I moved my leg, kicking his shin. He didn’t even flinch. Instead, he laughed and rose me, holding me in his arms bridal style. “I love fierce women and I’ve been wanting to meet this tigress for a while.”

The first millisecond I saw my opportunity, I took it. Raising my knife in a fast movement, I stabbed his chest right in the middle. He grunted, his arms loosening slightly around me. I pushed the blade deeper inside his body and he crumbled right away. I fell, but V caught me before I hit the floor. He was trembling and pressed me against him with a shuddering sigh. I pressed my forehead against the side of his mask, not minding that he smelled like a sewer or that he was soaked, feeling the tension leave my body a bit.

Then, I turned my head towards the copycat, breathing raggedly. Something inside me told me that he wasn’t dead. If V couldn’t kill him, I surely hadn’t. If he was an improved version, a knife in his chest wouldn’t end him. That wouldn’t kill V either.

“We have to find Bel and Jem,” I said. “Before he wakes up.”

“You should go,” V answered, the fear still lingering in his tone. “I have to end this.”

I looked at him for a moment, deeply concerned, but nodded. To kill him, V would have to do something very drastic, probably, and I knew he didn’t want me to witness something that horrific. He let me down on the floor and I was ready to immerse in the tunnels when a grunt alerted both of us.

The copycat stood up slowly, gasping, and ripped the knife off his chest, throwing it to the waterfall. Breathless, I saw how, even bleeding directly from his heart, he was very active. V moved me towards the tunnel in a fast movement.

“Run,” he rushed me, his voice trembling. “Find them and get out of here.”

I was about to discuss, but I hadn’t enough time. I had to trust him, so I followed his instructions and disappeared through the tunnel, running as fast as I could. My heart was heavy with worry as I heard the battle between them starting again, but I focused on Bel and Jeremy.

“Bel!” I shouted, feeling I was running with no direction, with no clue of where they were. “Jeremy!”

“Evey!” I heard Bel’s pleading, broken cry in the distance.

“Bel!” I yelled in relief. “Where are you?”

I heard her cry desperately and I knew she was near. Following the shattering sound of her cries, I rushed towards her. Then, when I turned to a corner of the tunnel, I saw two dark figures on the floor. Bel was kneeled with Jeremy laying, held up slightly, wrapped in her arms.

A shiver of fear shook me, keeping me quiet and still for a moment, watching the scene. She rose her head to me, looking at me through the thick darkness, probably seeing me as faintly as I saw them. She was crying openly, slightly rocking both of them. Jeremy wasn’t moving.

I approached slowly, breathless, denying the sight, cherishing the hope that the first assumption that had come to my mind was completely wrong. But when I stood before them, staring blankly at Jeremy’s limp body between Bel’s bloodied hands, seeing his eyes closed, and a dark pool of blood coming from his belly around them, I crumbled before the reality.

I fell on my knees before them, the tears starting to fall from the corner of my eyes, my hands shaking, my whole strength vanishing.

“Jeremy…” I muttered brokenly.

“He protected me…” Bel cried out with desperation, pressing his head against her, hiding him in her neck. “He…”

She broke down and I followed, finally realizing that my friend was lifeless, lost forever. A bunch of memories came suddenly, a series of images of him smiling, joking, being there, always by our side, destroying me as I burst in tears. I bent down against him, touching his curly hair, sensing he wasn’t warm anymore and uttered a sharp cry against his chest.

I felt my heart torn again, opening another wound at the loss of another beloved. My head burned with outrage, the fury and cold sadness that always hit me every time that that war took somebody from me, swallowing them into its despicable void.

Another sharp sound reached my eardrums, making me gasp and raise my head, looking behind me. Bel swallowed down her cries too. I looked at her, standing and trying to shake my mourning enough to move.

“We have to move,” I gasped in a rough voice, “get you both out of here.”

“And you?” Bel stuttered.

“I’ll follow once I help V,” I rushed, “Come on. Help me.”

I grabbed his legs, shaking, trying to keep my arms around his lifeless limps, breathing in to keep my mind cooled until we reached the surface. I asked her from where they had come and left her and once we reached the sewer end from where they had entered the underground, I helped her put him inside the van they had parked on an abandoned plot.

“Go to the Gallery,” I said in a rush, before running inside the tunnels again. “And wait for us there, okay? And if we don’t get back in a few hours, return to Setoun as fast as you can.”

After that, I rushed back to the underground, hearing the battle exploding in the distance, running back there as fast as my trembling legs let me.

Once I reached the place, the first image my eyes witnessed made my blood freeze with terror. The copycat was against the channel. V had stabbed him in the neck with two knives and he fell backwards, the waterfall dragging him into the darkness. A splash sounded as his body fell on the water down that hole. V let out a breathy sigh, looking down to himself. He fell on his knees, wrapping his shaking hands around the huge iron bar that went through his body.

Completely frozen, I saw how he pulled it, screaming in raw pain as he extracted the object. When he did, and the bar fell with a hard sound on the floor, a pool of blood started to form fast around him.

“V!” I cried out, rushing to him.

However, he didn’t answer. He fell to a side, limp on the floor. I uttered another desperate cry, ripping his mask and wig right away. I cupped his face, his eyes completely closed. Right away, I searched for his pulse on his neck, not finding even a faint beating. With a striking fear, I practically ripped his shirt, pressing my hands tightly against his still chest. When I found nothing, I held his head again, placing my palms on its sides.

“V!” I shouted in a pleading tone. “Please, V… Open your eyes. You can’t do this to me again…”

But I got no response and the blood still pooled around us.

“V…” I cried, fainter.

Nothing. I shook my head, taking my sweatshirt off and trying with all of me to tie it around his body, in a desperate intent to relent his bleeding.

“You’re not dead,” I gasped, feeling my mind entering in shock. “You’re not.”

I heard a few steps rushing towards and it startled me until I saw Bel coming out of the tunnel. She stared at V, suddenly motionless, her eyes immersing into a deeper sorrow.

“Help me carry him out,” I gasped, but she didn’t move. “Bel! Please!”

She rushed to me, startled by my plea, and helped me get him up, grabbing the mask and the wig and putting them on him again before doing so. We got him out of the tunnels and placed him in the van, next to Jeremy. For a moment, we stared at the two men, laying there, bloodied and lifeless. I hadn’t had to pronounce a word to Bel to know that she felt like me: no matter what we did, we would never forget that image. It will haunt our terrors until the day we reached the graveyard.

“It’s been two days, Evey,” Bel said, one minute after having entered the dark room, standing before our bed, in which I had been laying right beside him for almost forty-eight hours.

I had stood up just to go to the bathroom and bury Jeremy the night after he died, both of us sneaking on the cemetery to occupy at last the empty tomb we used to fake my death, so long ago.

V had a huge wound, a hole that would have killed instantly any other man. However, I was sure he wasn’t, but I couldn’t stitch that, so I asked Bel to find Liam. She took him there, blindfolded, and he did his thing. He wasn’t sure about my convictions, but stitched the wound anyway. I hoped that with that, he would heal sooner.

“I know,” I answered with a faint voice.

“He should have woken up by now,” Bel added, muttering, clearly not wanting to state such a thing.

I made a pause, still staring at the ceiling. “I know,” I whispered.

“Maybe he’s…”

“Don’t say it,” I cut her off. “He’s not.”

“How can you know?”

“No _rigor mortis_. And the wound has healed.”

“But he hasn’t a heartbeat. Or breathing.”

“He will wake up at any moment,” I just said.

Bel stood there a while more, among the darkness, before nodding. “Okay…” she just said, in a faint voice, and walked out the room again.

Once alone with him again, I felt my throat tightening, unable to look at my side, stare directly to the man there, seeming dead. Instead, one of my hands reached his through the mattress, grabbing it. It was frozen and it made me whimper softly, the tears appearing in the corner of my eyes for the umpteenth time in those two days.

“V,” I said his name in a watery sigh. “You have to wake up.”

I interlaced our fingers, sniffling, not feeling a single trace of strength in them. They were just as lifeless as the rest of him.

“Please… Come back” I pleaded, squeezing his hand. “I can’t lose you.”

I closed my eyes tight, letting my tears fall down my face, immersing in my messy curls.

“I love you,” I whispered. “I love you so much…”

However, just the silence received my words and I couldn’t avoid starting crying again. I covered my eyes with my free hand, whimpering, tears falling harder. My chest burned, protesting for the pain I had been through the past hours and which was far from stopping. I couldn’t picture the possibility of losing V too. I had lost one of my best friends already. I couldn’t lose the love of my life as well. I just couldn’t. Just thinking of a life without him was making me cry harder, bringing a pain so intense that left me breathless instantly.

Then, I sensed something on my hand, as if he had moved. At first, I thought I had imagined it. However, then, his fingers started to grip me, tighter and tighter. Gasping, I reclined over the mattress, turning towards him.

“V?” I asked, full of hope and relief suddenly. I left his hand, approaching him and cupping his face with my hands. “V, can you hear me?”

I witnessed how his chest started to move, even if ever so slightly. Crying with joy, I pressed a hand softly against his bare chest, sensing the beating of his heart. I uttered a sound of pure happiness, caressing his cheekbone with my thumb.

“My love,” I whimpered, approaching his face and pressing a soft kiss against his lips, caressing the side of his face still. “I’m here. You’re alright… You’re alright…”

I backed away to see his lids trembling slightly, half opening, his blue eyes fixing on mine. I cracked a relieved smile, laughing.

“Hi,” I whispered, a few of my tears falling over his face.

His lips parted slightly, his eyes softening, seeming to want to say something. However, his pupils shrunk suddenly, and he moved under me, turning to a side. I pulled away to give him space and grabbed his shoulder as soon as I saw him backing on the edge of the bed, understanding. He threw up on the floor, trembling slightly, and I just held him gently, feeling my chest tense with the sight.

Bel appeared by the doorstep right away, gasping. “Oh, fuck,” she mumbled. “I’ll go find the mop.”

I nodded and she disappeared again. V’s attack of reaching stopped and he grunted, gasping after the effort. I caressed his shoulder, the side of his face, observing him with absolute worry.

With a shuddering sigh, he deflated over the pillow, and I made him lay up slowly. I gripped the edge of my sleeve and passed it over his mouth, not minding a bit about it being ruined. I cleaned the few tears that had escaped his eyes with my fingertips, waiting. He sighed again, almost uttering a whine, and opened his watery eyes, looking at me.

“I never thought,” he grunted with the roughest voice I had ever heard on him, “you’d see me in such a deplorable state.”

I sniggered, shaking my head. “I don’t mind, silly,” I whispered. “You’re alive. That’s all that matters.”

He furrowed slightly, raising his head a bit to look down at his body. Right away, he let his head fall on the pillows again, sighing.

“I feel horrible,” V muttered.

“It’s normal. You were pierced with an iron bar. And had a few ribs broken and your right arm dislocated,” I explained, my throat tightening. “Also, you’ve been practically dead for two days.”

He furrowed more, closing his eyes tight and backing on the pillows. I sensed my heart accelerating with fear, just because he had closed his eyes for a moment. Immediately, he opened them again, to look at me with sorrow.

“Evey, I…” He muttered.

“Don’t talk now,” I said, caressing the side of his face. “Just rest, alright?”

V sighed, clearly resigning, too weak to protest. Bel appeared right then, with the mop and I jumped off the bed to grab it.

“I’ll do it,” I told her. “Don’t worry.”

Bel nodded lightly and approached the other edge of the bed, where I had been a moment before, sitting to look at V. I started to clean the mess.

“You stupid donkey,” Bel muttered, her voice sounding very flat. “How many times are you going to tease the Death? You have a daughter to come back to, you know?”

“I do,” V whispered, looking back at her. “I underestimated him. He’s stronger than I thought. Exponentially stronger than I am,” he explained, full of regret.

She sighed, grabbing his hand gently, comforting, but not saying anything else. I stopped cleaning for a moment, realizing she had started crying. She dried her tears with the sleeve of her sweater, not taking her hand away yet.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered and I stopped cleaning, looking at her. “It was my fault. I wasn’t careful enough. And he saw us.”

“It’s alright, Bel,” V assured her, holding her hand tighter, as much as he could. “I shouldn’t have allowed you two go alone. I should have known better. It was clear he would be waiting.”

Bel shook her head. “No,” her voice broke. “It was my fault.”

She started crying openly and covered herself with both hands. My alarms turned on, making me move right away.

“Bel,” I muttered, backing the mop on the wall an approaching her.

She sniffled and I pulled her hands away delicately. She looked down, avoiding my eyes, tears falling. After a moment of silence, she burst again. The room was filled with whimpers and she bent to me, pressing her head against my belly. I held back my tears and hugged her, caressing her head.

I noticed V looking at us, completely confused by the reaction of our friend. I could help to spill a few tears, feeling my throat tightening painfully at the memories of Jeremy, haunting us constantly.

“Come on, Bel,” I whispered to her sweetly, making her stand. “Let me take you to your room. You need to rest.”

She nodded and I passed an arm around her, walking her through the Gallery while she sobbed. I let her on the bed, covered with a blanket and kissed her temple before getting out again, asking her to try to sleep for a while. When I walked again towards our bedroom, drying my tears, I felt my heart cracking at the unavoidable situation before me. I had to tell V what happened.

When I crossed the doorstep, I noticed I was holding my breath. I approached the bed under the constant gaze of V, following me. I sat at the edge, near him, sniffling, not daring to raise my eyes to his.

“Where’s Jeremy, Evey?” He asked in a low voice, the fear already dyeing his words.

More tears fell from my eyes and I had to close them hard, trying not to break down again.

“Where?” He repeated, his question shaking.

I just shook my head, unable to say it out loud. It was too painful, too hard to make it a whole reality by expressing it.

“Evey,” V uttered my name in a cracked plea, understanding what was going on, but still holding onto reluctance.

“He got to them before we could…” I whispered roughly. “And Jem tried to protect Bel. There was nothing to do…”

The silence fell coldly between us, just broken by my sniffles. I dried my tears and dared to look at him, at last. He was looking away, his eyes dull, watering. He was barely breathing. I reached for his hand, interlacing our fingers with softness, and he seemed to snap at my touch, tilting his head to me right away. When our gazes met, a few tears fell down his face.

I returned to his side, curling against him, crying for a while more for the friend we had lost, but sensing the warmth of the man I loved.

That night was pitch black. However, the sky was clear and a bunch of bright stars danced across it, surrounding a full moon that caressed the world under it. The three of us walked through the cemetery, avoiding the graves as we advanced, a bucket of roses in each one’s hands. When we found Jeremy’s, buried under a gravestone with my name, we stopped, standing before it.

V was the first that left the bucket down, staying crouched down for a few moments, his hand splayed on the floor. Bel and I left ours and I held her as she cried in my shoulder, as I clenched my jaw and shed silent tears. However, I extracted one rose from my bucket, keeping it in my hand.

We felt like we had to say goodbye to Jeremy, properly, since we had to leave him there, behind and buried under a name that wasn’t even his. We promised him that, someday, we would change the gravestone. We promised that his death wouldn’t be in vain, that we would return to honour our oath with a victory. However, now, it wouldn’t feel like a total victory, having lost him in the way.

After we stood there for a while, I squeezed Bel against me and let her go slowly. “I have to make another visit before we go,” I muttered.

She sniffled and nodded, approaching V and hugging him instead. V received her, passing an arm around her and letting her cry against his shirt. He turned to me and, even if the mask covered his eyes, I knew there were tears in them.

I turned around, walking away from Jeremy’s grave, searching in my memories to find the exact place I was directing myself to. It didn’t take me long to find. When I saw Eric’s name on the gravestone, I cracked a slight smile, more tears falling.

“Hi, Eric,” I whispered and kneeled on the floor. “It’s been a long time, right?”

I left the rose on the floor and passed my hand over the stone, cleaning it. I sniffled, smiling more.

“I have so much to tell you… I don’t know where to being. And I don’t have much time.”

I talked to him, explained everything that had happened those two years since he left that world.

“I’m really sorry for everything that I put you through,” I said, finishing my retelling. “And I want you to know that I miss you, that I haven’t forgotten about you. Take care of Jeremy for us, alright?” I stood up, feeling my legs tingling. “Goodbye, Eric.”

I walked away, returning to V and Bel. He turned his head to me when he heard me, still holding Bel against him. Sighing, sensing my lungs heavy, I stood on his free side, and interlaced our hands.

After a last goodbye, we exited the cemetery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm late (hehe) but the chapter is here at last! I'm sorry if something has escaped my revision; I'm still kind of sick and now I've got a fever (such bad timing). But I don't have huge symptoms; it could be the flu. I hope y'all are alright and taking care of yourselves in this strange situation. Here in Spain we're super confined due to the COVID. Wherever you are, I'm sending you a big hug and tons of love! Everything will be fine <3
> 
> Well, I hope to have the next chapter soon (maybe before the quarantine ends (?)). By the way, I've been drawing a couple of things for this fic. You can find them [here](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/post/611237983614582784/i-remember-all-that-you-said-ive-got-my-heart) and [here](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/post/612042400541573120/and-those-nights-you-were-the-only-thing-i-saw).
> 
> The playlists have been updated. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> See you soon! <3


	21. I'm not afraid to grow old if I have your hand to hold

Death had been a constant during my whole life, a factor I knew better than most. However, the feeling of getting back home having lost one of your loved ones, meeting with the lonely sensation of recognizing emptiness everywhere… That was something I would never get used to.

The news fell like a rock over our friends and family back home, waiting for us at Setoun to arrive whole and successful. We had been very scared of telling Aiden. I knew the suffering and consequences of losing the love of your life too well and our fears were sustained. Allana and Maria broke down when they knew, but Aiden went completely crazy. He cried, fell, yelled at us and told us he hated us and our damned revolution. He wasn’t in his right mind when he did, but it broke our heart anyway. The next day, he had disappeared, without saying goodbye or leaving a note. Her neighbour told us he left the house very early in the morning, gotten on his car and drove away. We didn’t know where he went or if he would come back. After a few weeks, we suspected he wouldn’t.

Losing two friends in a row immersed us in one of the hardest moments we had lived together as a crew. Woefully, we knew how to deal with grieving. However, V didn’t. It was the first time he lost somebody he could remember, somebody who he loved and that wouldn’t end up being alive miraculously. Jeremy wouldn’t come back from death. Aiden wouldn’t forgive us for letting that happen.

V blamed himself for his death and it didn’t matter how much I told him it wasn’t his fault. Once again, when something fixed on his mind, it was impossible to rip it off. And, for a while, I let him, thinking it was his way to deal with the grieving. After a few weeks, he stopped saying that and I thought that maybe I was right, that he had gone through a catharsis. Although I wasn’t sure.

Anyhow, time passed, as always, unaware and unstoppable, alien to the suffering and the happiness. We had recomposed as much as you can do when you have lost someone, almost two months after Jeremy died and Aiden had abandoned us. We had to force ourselves to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s Eve, just because we had kids among us. If we hadn’t had, there wouldn’t have been a celebration at all. Our mood forbade us to.

Our position was very complicated, and deeply frustrating. Now, we were just four and had Allana as a backup. And we knew that we couldn’t stop just because we were mourning our friend. We had already misused our visit to London due to what happened and the sadness had kept us very unenergetic. Nevertheless, we had to move. The situation demanded our action, right away.

Apparently, Jeremy hadn’t stopped investigating in the past year. He had been tracking the heads of the opposition cell and had almost finished his search. We found his work when cleaning up the house he and Aiden shared so new people who were arriving could live there; we couldn’t refuse since it was necessary and wasn’t in our hands. He even had left notes for V in the documents he had printed. When he saw it the morning that we took care of cleaning the house, I thought he would shatter, incipient tears gathering in his eyes as he turned pages of Jeremy’s investigation. However, he didn’t. I knew he was swallowing it down but we all were; touching the matter was like bursting a bubble for both of us and I wasn’t in the mood to cry more. I wanted to keep strong. We would have plenty of time to cry once everything was over.

Anyhow, Jeremy seemed to be helping us even in death. Thanks to his investigation, we had almost the totality of information we needed to chase the ones who controlled everything. Apparently, there was two more than we previously thought and found, almost one year and a half ago, when we were planning the attack against New England during the Elections.

The obvious one had been James White, always. He was the Prime Minister now. New England had restored the political system that was in use before the tyranny and had put in motion laws and plans for a while, playing the card of being working for the people, apparently progressists. However, lately, the new changes and implemented laws were getting more and more restrictive and covering it up with fear, warning constantly about the economic crisis that was approaching, blaming on the impoverished system Norsefire had left. People were so occupied worrying about their savings and keeping their jobs no one was paying attention really. The rebels had dissolved and didn’t last much considering how disorganized they were after we took a step back. Some even had been used as proofs that V’s revolution was harmful to the new society, going through trials that incriminated them and sent them directly to jail.

White was just a puppet, nothing far from what Chancellor Sutler had been. A face. An image to cover what was going on under his power. Easily disposable.

The other head was Barney Johnson, a retired General admiral who served in times of Norsefire and had been in charge of its military forces the first decade. Now, he was Minister of the Interior and his life record completely covered up. Nobody who wasn’t a very experimented hacker could access the truth. Everything you could find about him with normal research was that he had been an administrator of the police most of his life and served in the military when he was younger. Nothing else. Jeremy discovered as well that he had been the one in charge of that whole trap of bombs to attract V.

Aside from them, there was two more, who Jeremy had found during that year. These were enough untied from New England to be impossible to relate them without further investigation.

One was called Alison Baker. She had more or less Allana’s age and had spent her whole life working in a research laboratory in London since she graduated, working mostly on biotechnology and pharmacology. When the tyranny collapsed, she renounced and disappeared. Apparently.

The truth was that she joined the opposition cell, who knows why, and started working for them and scaled positions quickly. Jeremy had found a few archive photos of her and captures of which seemed security cameras. V recognized her and the place immediately: she had been the one who headed the laboratory where they had him for months, where they had extracted the key from him so they could clone the Batch-5.

Jeremy had found her while working on V’s rescue mission and linked her immediately to the opposition cell, hacking her private archives of the laboratory and finding that she sent a record of the week to a mysterious encrypted e-mail which ended up being Johnson’s. Those mails weren’t very specific but, with the information we had and everything we knew, it was clear the project that was happening in that laboratory was specifically destined to create the copycat.

The last head was the most confusing one. Jeremy had found some of Baker’s archives that had another name, sharing her experiment, which she called “Project A”. It was a man, named Roland Nilsson. However, Jeremy assured he had never stepped on the laboratory and was untraceable; neither he had a profession per se. He was just a very rich man with residency in London, who had inherited the whole fortune of his family when his parents died.

Jeremy left a note where he assumed that Roland was the founder of the experiment, but that something was off with his life record.

V feared Roland Nilsson might be the copycat. As soon as he could, V started to search for him, trying to find more about him. He had a very rough week, deeply immersed in the work, finding nothing at all, except that he seemed to have taken a little spot inside New England now, as the secret second-hand of White. Which made him even more suspicious about the man. Something was very wrong.

We opted to put a plan in motion right away.

In a month, at the beginning of February, the crisis would be announced and with it a massive restructuration of the monetary system. We had to get rid of the strongest pieces to get to White and stop the restructuration. Uncovering New England and returning the power again to people, truthfully this time, was the easiest part, the last one. However, we couldn’t plan ahead until the opposition cell was crumbling, considering he didn’t know what Roland really hid and with the copycat out there, if he ended up not being Roland.

V and Bel departed when we decided to take care of our first concern, going into a mission just the two of them. Just two persons were harder to notice than a whole crew. And we had already left Vera alone with Allana for a while, and we didn’t want to do it again, so I stayed back at home. I knew I would be dying with worry, since we wouldn’t be able to communicate, to avoid security cracks. However, I accepted, trusting in that they would succeed. It would be just a week, anyway.

When I woke up that morning, I felt as if a train had run over me while sleeping. I was more tired than the night before. However, I had a daughter to take care of, who started to cry briefly after I had moved to sit on the edge of the bed and stared at the sea.

I was madly worried for V and Bel. I understood why we couldn’t communicate, but it was horrible to be completely unaware of what was going on with the mission and them. We had been through enough missions like that that had gone very wrong to give me strong anxiety. The only thing I had left was keeping my hope up.

Allana came to pick Vera up soon into the morning. I wanted to stress-clean the whole house and, knowing Allana was as worried as I was, I told her if she wanted to have her for a while, so they could play with Nicky. She accepted, glad to have something joyful to do that wasn’t bills and logistic issues of the town.

I spent most of my morning cleaning, but when I reached our bathroom, I stopped in the middle of my task. I cleaned everything and, when I started to organize the already organized drawers, I became motionless staring at a pack of sanitary towels.

When I straightened up, my gaze flew directly to the mirror, looking at myself, feeling a déjà vu hit me. It couldn’t be happening again. How could it be?

I was late again. One week only. Maybe it was nothing. I had been under a lot of stress and pressure lately and losing Jeremy hadn’t helped. But I had taken all my pills. I hadn’t missed even one. Maybe one of the mornings after Jeremy died, but I had my period after that. That month I had taken them all. It was impossible that I was pregnant.

But it wasn’t impossible. The pills could fail. It was very improbable, even if could happen anyway.

That thought me sent me directly into the shower and, briefly after, I was walking up our street, thinking how fast everybody in our town would know I had bought a pregnancy test at the pharmacy after I had. When V and I got back together, we hadn’t even gotten out of the house that everybody knew already we were a couple again. It was nuts how nothing was a secret there, not even for a second. Except V’s other side. Nobody knew that.

While walking fast, I clenched my teeth, sad, wishing with all of me he was there. I would have wanted for him to be by my side, whatever it happened. We hadn’t talked about making our family bigger. We had barely enjoyed our time as a couple, always going from a difficult moment to another even worse.

I would be happy to have another kid with him. Of course that I would. However, the timing was very bad again and thinking about his reaction was making me extremely nervous; without a reason, honestly. It wasn’t like the first time. He loved Vera with his whole heart. He nailed parenting. He probably would want to do it again.

My head was boiling with that new thing to worry about and I tried to breathe in and clear my thoughts. I was going too fast. I had nothing confirmed yet.

I brought the pregnancy test and a water bottle, trying to ignore Emily’s smirk when I paid. She was an old woman with not much to do except gossip. Before I stepped out of the pharmacy, the whole town would know. I didn’t mind usually but, for various reasons, I was getting irritated just at the thought of it that morning.

Distracted and obfuscated as I was, I collided against somebody when I got out of the pharmacy.

“Sorry,” I muttered, turning around, looking at the young blond man I had stumbled against. I recognized him, barely. It was one of the new villages who had arrived that week, a couple of days ago. I didn’t know his name and I wasn’t much interested in socializing right then. I was sure Allana would introduce him to me soon.

He rose his hand in a reassuring gesture, with a polite smile, and I continued my way down the street. I opened the bottle and started drinking, returning home while guessing. Once home, I used the test and sat on the bed, leaving the thing on the nightstand, and waited.

Those minutes I felt I was out of air, digging my own nails on my palms and sweating, nervousness taking over me. When the result appeared, I let out a gasp.

“You’re kidding,” I grunted, grabbing it and looking closer to confirm I was seeing it right.

Positive. I was pregnant again, once more in the worst moment possible. I left it once more over the nightstand and sighed, grabbing my head between my hands and bending over, my fingers sinking in my curls. It was very strange to feel just as much restless as happy. But it was useless to desperate right then.

I stood up, trying to process the new information, and I decided to go to the kitchen to start cooking. In less than an hour, Allana would be there with Vera and Nicky, and Maria if she got to wake up before afternoon; I promised we would eat together, to palliate our nerves.

There, I opened the fridge, staring into it, deciding silently what I would choose to cook. A slight sound of the doorframe creaking reached my eardrums, but I ignored it. The wood there adjusted all the time. However, the sound that came after was one I couldn’t ignore.

“It seems like you’re fucked up, sweetheart.”

I turned around quickly, grabbing a huge knife that rested on the counter near me, threatening whoever who had broken into my house.

Before me, there was the young man I had bumped into a few minutes before. He was very tall and muscular, with ivory-like skin. He was very average in his features, but his bright green eyes and his blond mane free falling over his shoulders, almost reaching his chest, made him strangely handsome. He had my pregnancy test on his hand and was looking at it with a smirk.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” I demanded with pure threaten in my voice, not hesitating, the knife not shaking.

He rose his eyes to me, giving me a cold shiver. “I thought everybody here was very welcoming,” he pouted, clearly mocking me.

“You’ve chosen the wrong person to break into their house,” I stated. “Get out. Now.”

“I love your nerve, really,” he laughed, throwing the test away and straightening up, crossing his arms over his chest. “The last time you fooled me, I have to be honest. I thought you were weaker, being so little and thin. Though, thinking about it… You have to have guts to be with such a monstrous man. Doesn’t he disgust you?”

A reckless decision or not, I crossed the distance between us and put the blade of the knife against his throat. He didn’t flinch. “Get out of my house. And don’t dare to talk about my husband like that again,” I groaned, killing him already with my eyes.

“Husband?” He laughed, amused, arching a brow. “Wow,” he looked down to my hand. “Oh, yes. You have the ring and all.”

It was then that I realized who was before me and my blood ran cold. I held my breath, not knowing if I was utterly scared or just shocked. He laughed openly.

“Why, hello,” the copycat said slyly. “Have you recognized me at last? Seems so.”

I was speechless, although my mind was spinning. The knife kept still against his throat although I knew that wouldn’t be very useful. In the blink of an eye, he would be standing again, even if I cut his throat right then. We were sure he hadn’t died but, the fact that he was there… I was confused.

“I have to recognize I’m disappointed,” he muttered. “Finding this town has been too easy. I just had to use facial recognition on Interlink for a while to find… How is she called? Allana, right?”

At that, my instinct was pushing the blade more against him, shaking at that information. However, he just cracked a loud laugh.

“What are you going to do, Evey Hammond?” He made fun of mee, smirking devilishly. “No being alive can kill me. You’d be dead before he can do a thing about it. And it won’t take me long to find your daughter and your sister-in-law and… Her son, Nicolas, no?”

That made my blood boil up again and I pressed the knife harder against him, starting to cut through his skin, a bit of blood tainting the blade, not backing off before his threatening.

“Oh, that makes you mad. How cute,” he muttered, amused. “I’m very excited to see what he will do once he’s lost everything. He’s very boring when he’s protective. I rather see that famous cold-blooded terrorist he was. At least, like that, I’ll have a bit of fun before I end him as well,” he rose a hand to caress my cheek and a darker smile curved his lips. “Maybe I should be a little bit more creative with you… He’s clearly very deep in love with you. Maybe I should create a very horrifying welcoming for when he comes home. Just as a payback for the shit he’s been doing these past days. It’s making my colleagues very mad. And me too.”

“Well, Roland,” I teased, keeping my posture. It was time for a comeback. “It’s just getting started. And nothing you do with me can stop it. You better prepare to say goodbye to this devilish playground you all have built.”

I saw how his pupils shrunk at the name and I felt victorious inside, even if I could be searching for my death quicker than he had planned.

“Oh, what a shame,” I kept going, feeling the cold sweat covering my neck. “Did you thought for real you’d be a secret forever? That only you have the resources to search for the invisible? That’s very naïve.”

He seemed to recompose a little. “It doesn’t matter now. My name is irrelevant. Who I was, is irrelevant. I’m better than him. Stronger,” he approached me and I stepped away, regretting right away, so continued advancing, cornering me slowly. “Faster. More resilient. More indestructible.”

My back collided against the counter and I felt my mouth dry. “But not more intelligent,” I spat out with venom. “You’d always be a bunch of stupid featherheads compared to him. It doesn’t matter you put your whole cell to work. Not even together you reunite one single brain cell.”

I didn’t even see it. The next thing I knew was a strong grip around my neck, choking me, obstructing my breathing. I gripped his hand, in a vain attempt to free myself, but unable. I sat on the counter, driven by his force, as he pushed my head painfully against the cupboard behind me.

“You, little bitch, don’t know at all who you’re talking to,” he grunted, his voice reaching a deepness that scared me more than his grip. I couldn’t escape my destiny. I didn’t see the way. “Your man has been being a pain in the ass for too long. And it’s over. I’ll be waiting for him here, sitting over your dead body, and I’ll kill him. And when none of you're here to bother, I’ll raise as the new governor in no time.”

I stared at him, even if I was choking, my head starting to get dizzy. He was playing with the opposition cell. He wanted the power for himself and they had created him. Their need to annihilate V had blinded them, creating a monster that would be worse even.

“What a shame you won’t be able to tell him this,” he sniggered, “right?”

A strong fire ignited with my fury gave me enough strength to find a way out. He had left enough space for my legs to move, not trapped at all. Just with the fast movement of my leg, raising it, my knee collided against his groin. He backed his hand right away, freeing me and I breathed in abruptly, taking my own hand to my neck, feeling the marks of his fingers already forming. He bent over, covering his crotch with his hands, and I jumped off the counter, fleeing as I coughed for more air. Indestructible? Bollocks.

I needed to get to the little cupboard at the hall, under the staircase, where we had a few weapons. It wasn’t much, but it was the only defence I had. If I killed him for a while, maybe I would have time to think about how to end him definitely.

Before I could take one step towards the cupboard, I received a hard hit that made me fly, fall and roll through the floor, directly into the living room. I couldn’t do anything to escape. He was already on the top of me, trapping me between his hands. He slapped me, making me dizzy for a moment, blurring my gaze at the pain.

I was about to die and I saw in the fire in his eyes that he would make it horrible. And I was afraid. Afraid for V, for what he would see, how that would break his mind. I was afraid for Vera, for her to be his next victim. I was afraid for Nicky and the girls. If only I had a way that my death would be the only one… If he had enough with that… But he was a monster, a horrid being thirsty for blood, for having fun with the suffering of the man he was created to destroy. I despised him, more than I had despised anyone or anything. The last thing I would see in my life was the personification of Hell.

“Let’s get started,” Roland grunted with a smirk that was pure cold, his eyes madness. He gripped my shirt and ripped it off, “shall we?”

I tried to fight him off, but he trapped my wrists easily, keeping me down with one hand. I felt tears of rage on the verge of my eyes, wrestling, screaming at him. When I sensed his hand unzipping my trousers, I let them fall and yelled more. If I would have to suffer those horrible last moments, I would not be quiet. I would not be an easy prey. I would scream and make that horrible monster as uncomfortable as I could.

Something behind him caught my attention right away. A frightened blue gaze met mine and, all of a sudden, I was free from his hands, from his weight crushing me.

“Finally, some real fun,” Roland laughed.

I heard a grunt and when I had sat on the floor, gasping, V and he had disappeared already down a hall, a thunderous sound echoing right away. My whole body was shaking and when I stood, I almost fell again. However, the voice of V, grunting in pain, gave me steadiness enough to continue.

Stepping into the hall, I saw both of them grabbing each other, containing their respective forces, the parquet at the bottom completely broken, near where they were standing.

“Evey!” A scream reached my ears. “Back off!”

I did, jumping back, at the known voice warning me, backing on the doorstep of the living room. At the first gunshot, I closed my eyes, deafened. The four that came after that felt like an eternity. When the shooting stopped, a slight smell of powder and a crushing silence embraced me. Barely, I opened my eyes at the sound of a thud and saw Bel coming to me right away, stopping before me. Her eyes were crystalline with worry and hugged me right away, uttering a shuddering breath full of relief. I returned the hug, shaking.

“Thank God you’re alright,” Bel whispered.

She pulled away as fast, looking down the hall, and I did too. My mind was clouding. I felt as if my thoughts were relenting.

Roland was on the floor, with a pool of his own blood increasing under him. V was standing against the wall, gasping, and straightened up right away. I wanted to go to him. I wanted to feel his arms around me, the sensation of safety that just him could give me. However, I let myself fall slowly, backing on the doorstep until I was sitting on the floor. Bel kneeled beside me, breathing out my name worriedly, grabbing my arm to avoid I crumbled too hard.

“Don’t worry,” I breathed out. “I’m just a little shocked. It’s fine,” I assured, not very sure if that was true.

“Bel,” V called for her, with a completely lineal voice, devoid of emotion.

Bel looked at him, and then to me again, conflict showing on her features. However, she stood and went to find him. I tilted my head back, trying to breathe more deeply. My neck was hurting badly now and I sensed the bruises forming on my body, wherever he had hit me or grabbed me.

“I want you to take everybody to London now. Right now. There’s no time to make backpacks or stop on the way,” he said sternly. “Take them to the Gallery and don’t move from there until I come back.”

“What?” Bel muttered. “What about you? How the hell are you going to get there without us?”

“I will,” V just said, sternly. “I have to take care of this. Please. Do me this favour.”

Bel stopped for a second. “Alright,” she said and I heard her murmuring something, but it was so low that I didn’t grasp it.

Immediately, I heard steps and I knew right away they were V’s. The nerves attacked me even though the state of shock I was in. When he approached me, his steps relented, until stopping before me. He crouched down next to me, being very careful in his movements, and I made an effort to raise my eyes to his. When I saw the dullness that covered them when he looked at my state closer, clearly seeing the bruises and my clothes completely ripped off, tears streamed down my face and I moved towards him, clinging onto his neck desperately.

V hugged me tight against him and I sensed perfectly how he trembled as I cried silently against his shoulder. He didn’t say anything and I wanted to tell him so much, but the words were trapped in my throat.

The moment broke when another shot filled the space of the hall, alerting us, making us turn towards where Bel was.

“V!” Bel yelled. “This fucker is starting to move.”

He stood up fast, walking away from me, and I felt very cold suddenly. I wanted to scream at him to keep by my side. I needed him. However, I kept quiet and silent.

“Quick. Get out of here. Pick everybody up and leave the town,” V said, alarm starting to ring in his voice.

I wanted to refuse. The last time he had been alone with Roland, he ended up so wounded I thought he would die for real. And I couldn’t.

Bel came to me fast, making me stand and giving me her jacket, helping me to zip it. After that, with an arm securely linked to mine, she dragged me out of the house. Once outside, the air seemed to oppress my lungs and the sunlight to burn my skin. I was blinded, confused.

“Vera,” I said, almost in a sob, when Bel made me get up on the co-pilot seat.

“She’s fine,” Bel assured me. “We’ve been at the hotel before.”

I nodded and she hurried to get on the car as well, driving to the hotel. Luckily, Allana and Maria were both there too. In the blink of an eye, we all were in the car and Bel was rushing to leave the town behind as fast as possible. With Vera in my arms, safe, the shock started to dissipate and the terror of leaving V behind increased.

The first couple of hours there was a very tense atmosphere. We had to lie to Nicky to not make him scared and we had to wait until he and Vera fell asleep to feel sure enough to talk more about what had happened. Allana was worried about the town but we doubted nobody from the organization cell was much interested in it. The worst that could happen was a minion breaking into the hotel or our houses to find information, which wouldn’t find. Everything that was crucial, it was in the boot.

We all were worried about V but tried not to think much. Bel was the least worried now, after a week of seeing him in constant action. She was completely sure he would be fine. Maybe she was just saying it to calm us down, although.

The concern was focused on me very fast. I was very bruised but I didn’t feel too bad, and the shock had dissolved totally. Which worried me was my incipient pregnancy. I had received very strong hits and the stress and shock could make me miscarry. I hoped with all of me that didn’t end up being the case.

After that, Bel told us about the plan. I guessed they had succeeded wildly to make Roland chase me like that, seeking not only eliminate us, but also get revenge in the most gruesome way his mind could come up to. They had disposed of Baker and Johnson, which had started a crisis inside the party and the cell. White was a featherhead and Roland wanted to rule.

However, that was something to be worried about. When we traced that plan, we didn’t know who the copycat was and now we knew he was the four head of the opposition cell. We had made his way to power easier, killing the strongest pieces. If he wanted, he could take the power right away. White was the weaker of them and trusted Roland.

We agreed that the situation wasn’t turning out good at all. If we had luck, V would find a way to kill him for good. If not, we were screwed for real.

When we arrived at the Gallery that night, we were incredibly tired, expect by Nicky, who never seemed to burn out his energy. Allana and he were enchanted by the place right away, just as everybody that immersed in the marvel V had created in his loneliness. She was very curious about the place her brother had lived in for twenty years and clearly wanted to explore, but our energies just lasted enough to make dinner, eat, and go to sleep. Luckily, the fact that V and Bel had been there the past week made that there were edible things in the fridge and everything was clean.

When every one of us retired to their respective bedrooms, and I laid on our bed with Vera, trapped between my body and a pillow to avoid her falling, I felt restless and very tired at the same time. I caressed Vera, smiling sadly as she fell asleep, looking at how her little blue eyes closed slowly. It calmed me enough to fall asleep in the end.

However, the next night, I felt I couldn’t close my eyes. After the whole day, V still was missing. The only thing I managed to do was showing the Gallery to Allana in the morning, but we barely talked, even if there was a lot to say. All of us were very silent, always aware of our surroundings in case the principal door made a sound. If it wasn’t for the kids, we would have been immersed in complete quietness.

The hours had passed and we hadn’t any way to contact him. When the night arrived and we dragged ourselves to our rooms again, I was feeling unhinged. I was powerless, closed between the walls of my former home which, devoid of him, felt claustrophobic and dark. When I laid on our big bed, hugging Vera close to me, I couldn’t help crying silently, soaking the pillow under me, my mind going at full speed with memories. I had too many memories of losing him and, in my nocturne anxiety, I was praying silently to not have another one.

At some point, I had to fall asleep so, when I heard a slight sound in the room, my eyes were closed and I felt my lungs letting more air in suddenly, feeling heavy due to my restlessness. I reclined, backing slightly on my forearm, squinting to look at the thick darkness, noticing the light that escaped the bathroom under its door right away.

I slipped off the bed, putting a pillow where I had been a moment before, so Vera didn’t fall if she moved, and walked towards the door, moved by a mix of confusion and hope. Shaking, I knocked softly, cautious to not make much sound.

“Who’s there?” I whispered.

The door opened right away, just slightly, and two blue eyes met mine. For a second, I was shocked by the image of V there, shirtless, and thought I was dreaming. But I wasn’t.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I was trying not to wake you.”

Suddenly very awake, gasping, I pushed the door, slipping inside and wrapping my arms around V’s neck, pulling his as close as I could.

“V…” I muttered, deeply relieved, trembling and clinging onto him desperately. “Thank God… I was so worried.”

He hugged me as well, although in a gentler way, hiding his face in my messy mane, sniffling softly. I caressed his back, extremely reassured to feel his warm skin on my palms and his breathing against my neck.

I backed a little soon after, cupping his face and pushing him down to my lips, needing to feel his kisses as if we had been a lifetime apart. However, he pulled away with a grunt right away, just when I placed my hand on his right shoulder, trying to pull him closer. He took his hand there, straightening up, making a face filled with pain.

He was full of bruised and some slashes, already stitched, and I had touched one that was pretty huge.

“What has happened?” I babbled.

V furrowed, not looking at me, sighing deeply. “I wasn’t enough,” V muttered. “Again.”

Almost dragging himself, he sat on the cover of the toilet and dropped his head. I felt his spirit defeated and I shivered, never having seen him in such state.

“I don’t know where’s the limit, where the final,” he explained in a low voice. “It didn’t matter what I did. I couldn’t kill him.”

“Where…” I babbled, my nerves firing up. “Where is he?”

“He escaped, in the end,” V sighed, bending over more.

“What do you mean he escaped?” I backed on the furniture behind me, starting to feel that my legs would give in. “Bel shot him five times. In his head,” I screeched, confused. “How has he…?”

I stopped in the middle of my rambling, seeing him deflate even more, joining his hands before him and sighing again. Clenching my jaw, I damned myself for making him feel worse. Letting a sigh as well, I approached V, kneeling before him and taking his hands between mine. He rose his eyes to mine and their guilt made my heart break.

“V… You don’t have to feel guilty,” I reassured him. “You did what you could in the rush of the moment. It was unexpected.”

His eyes sharpened, his gaze turning harder. “That wouldn’t have mattered before,” V practically grunted. “The unexpected never stopped me from succeeding.”

“We can’t succeed all the time,” I said, squeezing his hands.

“But we must.”

“And we will,” I affirmed, trying to keep a hopeful tone. “This is just… A new kind of problem we have to solve.”

He kept silent, looking at me, his eyes fixed on me with an emotion I couldn’t decipher exactly. Then, his gaze dropped a slight distance, stopping on my neck. He rose one of his hands, breaking my grip around them, and pushed my hair aside, examining better the marks Roland had left on my neck. V clenched his jaw, tension raising to cover the totality of his features, and his eyes watered, reflecting a torturous swirl of guilt and fury.

“We weren’t supposed to return until the next day,” he said in a low voice that gave me goosebumps, so deep it left me breathless. “And just… If I just had arrived five minutes later…”

“But you didn’t,” I stopped him, before he could torture himself more, taking his hand away from my hair and placing my curls right again, in a poor attempt to hide the marks. “You were there. Nothing happened.”

“That’s what you think? That nothing happened?” He huffed, sarcasm filling his tone. “Nothing,” he remarked sourly, “wasn’t exactly what I saw.”

“I know what you saw,” I furrowed sadly. “And I’m sorry. It sucked. I know. But I’m here. We all are. Don’t give it more thought.”

“And what if I’m not there the next time?” He muttered, his voice breaking, his eyes watering more. “What then?”

I continued staring at him. There were a million things I could say and maybe being painfully realistic then wasn’t the best I could choose. Maybe it was because I had gone through seeing him getting hurt and losing him several times and he hadn’t; I needed him to be prepared. I myself wasn’t very fond of the idea of living past him, but that was the nature of war. We knew it, even if it was horrible to admit out loud.

“There’s always a possibility, my love,” I whispered, breathing in to gather strength. “You won’t be there all the time to keep me alive. Maybe I won’t live past this war. Maybe one day I’ll fell downstairs and break my neck. None would be your fault. Death is there, woefully.”

“But this is my fault, Evey,” he said, his words sounding dragged.

“Which part?” I stated, shutting him before he could say a more, starting to get mad. “Being born? Becoming a rebel? Being imprisoned and turned into an experiment? Surviving? Revolting? Being used again? Which, V?” I stood up, placing my hands on my waist, and he rose his head to keep looking at me. “Do you know what I think? I think you’ve forgotten you’re not the threaten here; you’ve always been the victim. You’re still the victim. Just because you’ve become strong, blown buildings, thrown a tyranny and changed a whole country, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been a victim all along. Maybe you don’t feel like it; it’s fine; I get it. But you are. Stop blaming yourself for not succeeding at the slightest. You could have had your vendetta without starting a revolution. You chose to start it, because you took that path. But you were the one who took it, like we all have. It’s a weight that hasn’t been imposed. It’s not your responsibility alone. If you fail, it’s because we all have.”

V continued silent for a moment and I started to feel my stomach stirring with anxiety when he didn’t say a thing.

“I’m aware of all that,” he said finally. “It doesn’t change that this was my failure, indeed. You don’t have to soothe it.”

I grunted, exasperated, turning around. Breathing in, I tried to calm down. Now he was here, I should try to keep the tension low. I had another thing in my belly to worry about.

When I turned around again, he had dropped his gaze again, shame flowing over his head like a devilish swirl. I approached him, cupping his face and making him face me.

“Look…” I whispered. “I suspect these two days have been horrible and you don’t have to be specific about them if you rather not to be. And I know you still feel responsible for what happened to Jeremy. But you seem very tired and I know you are because you’re not being reasonable at all. So, change and come to bed to get some rest, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow about everything.”

He nodded and I sighed, feeling it was enough for now. I got out of the bathroom, giving him a little while of privacy and letting myself fall on the bed next to Vera again. Before he got out, I had fallen asleep again.

When I woke up, the first thing I saw, though a slight blurriness and still very dark, was V, laying on his side with Vera sleeping against his chest while he caressed her little head, looking at her with loving but sad eyes. I breathed in and he rose his eyes to me.

“Good morning,” he whispered.

I sighed, approaching him a little more under the sheets, giving him a worried look. “Have you slept some?” I asked in the lowest voice I could.

He hesitated, dropping his eyes to Vera again. “An hour, maybe,” he guessed.

I pressed my lips on a thin line. That wasn’t much, even for him. He usually slept at least five hours, when he did.

“What about the wounds?” I muttered, concerned. “How are you feeling?”

“They’re already cicatrizing,” he said. “I’m alright.”

I nodded, resting my head more on the pillow, examining his face, summed into the shadows, his eyes shining barely with the faint light that entered through the half-closed door.

“I want to apologize for yesterday,” V whispered eventually, sounding very apologetical. “I didn’t even ask you if you were alright.”

“I am. I’m just a little bruised. Nothing to worry about.”

“Are you sure?” He fixed his gaze on me again and it seemed that was watering, but the poor light didn’t let me distinguish it clearly. “When Bel took you out you were… Totally in shock.”

“Yes,” I made a face. “But it didn’t last long. I was worried for you, more than anything.”

He let himself fall carefully over the pillow under him, his face now at the same height than mine. V took his hand to my face, caressing my cheek gently and slowly lowered to my neck, passing his fingertips through my skin with supreme carefulness. I could sense him torturing himself, even if I couldn’t see his expression well.

“Don’t worry more,” I whispered, approaching as much as I could without crushing Vera, although leaving her very enclosed between us. I cupped his face gently and placed a soft kiss against his lips, which he responded with a though sigh. “Everything is alright.”

He breathed out, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against mine, his hand gently sinking under my hair, placing on my nape. I shivered, sensing the gentleness of his touch overwhelming me and his warm breath caressing my features.

Vera woke up briefly after and we decided to wake up finally. When the three of us appeared at the living room, where everybody was already, they all stared at V in shock and gasped, expression changing quickly into relieved ones. The girls hugged him in turns and he accepted them, clearly making an effort to not show pain when their arms wrapped him too hard.

We had breakfast with an atmosphere that mixed nervousness, tension and relief in the very brief space of the kitchen. We had Nicky around and he thought we were in an unplanned trip to his uncle’s former home. Luckily, after breakfast, he got immersed in a cartoon movie that we had there and stayed at the sofa, far enough to not hear us whispering at the kitchen.

We told V what Roland had said to me and, if he had been in a gloomy mood, that news didn’t make any good to it. That obliged us to think of another way to counteract. If we killed White, we would be doing a favour to Roland, giving him the absolute control of the opposition cell. However, he probably planned to get rid of him soon. Maybe he would wait until the crisis had started, to appear like a saviour after the poor manage that White would do of the situation. If Roland reached the absolute power, we would have it very difficult bringing him down.

Until then, the person moving the dirty matters of the country had been mere puppets, feather-headed men just thinking power. However, Roland wasn’t a genius, but was intelligent for perversion, and couldn’t be destroyed easily, physically.

V wasn’t much specific about what he tried to do to kill him. Very horrid things, probably, things he didn’t want to mention to us. Whatever it was, it was very fixed on his eyes, burning with disbelief and rage. He just said that he tried everything. And everything hadn’t been enough. He always woke from death. And very fast.

He told us that, after almost twenty-four hours of indescribable endeavours, he thought he had accomplished his purpose. V stayed near, trying to make sure he wouldn’t revive, and Roland didn’t move for almost ten hours. When the _rigor mortis_ started to be visible, he approached him to make his body disappear finally. And then he woke up. Without a heartbeat. Without breathing. He was dead and, even so, alive. And had the same strength as if he hadn’t been a single moment deceased, and not been wounded at all. Clinically dead, Roland counteracted V and escaped.

We were terrified. We would have been a bunch of feather-heads if such story hadn’t covered our skin of goosebumps and shivers.

For the first time, V admitted he wasn’t sure of what to do. He didn’t know how to kill Roland. He wasn’t sure if he was stronger than him in that sense or both of them were equal. Nothing had ended V’s life, even if he had been exposed to the most gruesome situations that would have killed any normal human in a second. The only thing that he knew was that Roland was indeed stronger physically. He hadn’t time or chances to discover it through trial and error. If we messed up one more meeting with him, we all could die.

If we killed Roland, the rest would be easy. We just had to find a way to do it and get rid of him for good.

“No. Absolutely not,” V exclaimed. He hadn’t liked my idea at all.

“She kinda has a point,” Bel said.

“It’s a terrible idea,” he said, furrowing, crossing his arms and backing against his study’s table.

“No. It’s isn’t,” I argued, outraged by his reaction. “It worked the first time. And I refuse to let this country think you went mad and became a mass murdered. Restoring your image is restoring the faith in freedom, at the same time we expose Roland and his whole network. You gave them freedom, but they don’t know the whole truth, and it’s really needed now. We would be trapped in a vicious circle forever if we don’t uncover all.”

He furrowed more, almost fuming. Part of him was reluctant; the other, afraid. I could see it in his eyes.

“We haven’t come this whole way to be bunch of pusillanimous,” Maria defended my position as well. “We all can do this, for fuck’s sake. You’re being a kid.”

“I’m not exposing Evey to Roland like a piece of meat,” V stated, starting to get mad. “I won’t accept it.”

“It’s my choice,” I said resoundingly. “You are not exposing me,” I remarked the last word. “I’m putting myself out there. I. Not you. We’ve gone through this a millionth times already. So, stop and think about it, without thinking constantly it’s me in that place. If you plan this, nothing will happen to me. We will succeed.”

V hitched at my confidence, huffing, and dropping his gaze to the floor. I sighed too, tired.

We had been observing White, who was living in London again, and had his whole communications tapped. After three days since we arrived, we caught Roland visiting him. He was not so dumb; he had to know we were observing them, since he seemed to constantly look at the cameras, as if he noticed us watching. It was a callout, we were sure. They barely talked about what was going on, although White was constantly fretting and drinking nervously while Roland stared at him, blank expression plastered on his face.

Now we were at the Gallery, V used his former system to try to find who was that man. It took him a while to find the crack in Roland’s history. He found a photo of him on a very old newspaper, where the face of the man there wasn’t Roland’s at all. V investigated further, clearly having discovered and identity theft and finding enough to guess, whoever that man was, had killed the actual Roland to pass off as him and steal his fortune and properties.

Expecting that hadn’t happened long ago, V used his old recording of street cameras to find him wandering around. Finally, he found him entering an old, unused, cemetery one night three years ago, carrying a heavy box. He had buried the man and then continued living as him. Apparently, after that, briefly after the Fifth, he had joined New England and probably offered himself as a funder for their plans, and, eventually, as a guinea pig.

It was horrible. However, he had to be somehow thankful for it, for him being that carelessly gruesome. It made us easier the task to uncover him. Killing him was harder, although; V was still struggling with not having been able to do so.

Nevertheless, V knew Roland relayed more than everything on his superior abilities; he was so fed up with them he wasn’t using his head that much. Also, when we saw him through the security cameras of White’s house, he seemed crazed. Not being able to end V was as frustrating for him as it was for V with Roland. If we took advantage of that, maybe we could win over him and stop his plans to reach power.

And then I had an idea.

It was important for me that people knew what happened on the Fifth hadn’t been because of V. People needed to know the truth, which would make they didn’t even think of backing Roland if he tried. He probably would end up trailed, but surely couldn’t have access to participate on elections, or be chosen as the New England leader, if the crisis happened —which wouldn’t; the situation wouldn’t get that far—. The revolution would revive in a way and everything would fall under its own weight.

We were planning what to do and I came with the idea of fooling Roland and uncovering him. The BTN was still working, now under the name of NTE, the National Television of England, and I was sure it was even easier to break into than before. V’s speech had worked once and I thought people needed another now. If he appeared now, exposing the whole reality of Norsefire and New England, people would arise again. However, telling them facts wouldn’t be enough; not now. So, I thought I could dress as V, attract and corner Roland to make him confess or push him to show his true self, and film it on live television for everybody to see. And, obviously, V didn’t want me near him, and let alone teasing him into being aggressive. But it was easy and quick to plan and put in motion. Also, if everything was uncovered, the new government would be dispatched without us needing to help. The revolution would be so strong, people wouldn’t allow the actual rulers to continue in power. Time was running out and it was the best we could do before they ruined the country more.

“It’s enough for him to warp his hands around your neck again, just for a millisecond, to end with your life,” V grunted in a dark tone, still not looking at us.

“We all are taking risks,” I said. “Film the speech. Put it on and let Maria or Bel take care that nobody turns it off. You can come help me then. We turn on the cameras, expose Roland and finish him. And, for sure, the next day the revolution will be active again. It’s killing two birds with one stone.”

He rubbed his forehead with his fingers, seeming to have a huge headache suddenly. “You don’t seem to understand you’d be in the most dangerous position of the plan.”

“No. I understand I would. But if we do it right, everything will be fine.”

V sighed, getting desperate, clearly giving in to the idea but not wanting to do so. In the end, he nodded, still seeming unsure. We started to work right away.

Allana and I were on the sofa. I was bouncing Vera on my lap, delighting in how she laughed and looked at us, having the fun of her life. Soon, it would be her first birthday, and I hoped we all would be home, safe, and free at last. He hair was not a bit thicker, enough to make a couple of ponytails at the top of her head, which made us melt at how cute she was.

V, Maria and Bel were getting everything ready for our big night and I was waiting for V to emerge from our bedroom, ready to help me with my theatrics.

We had thought how to make me resemble him more, since height and figure were too different to make me a believable copycat. We had considered make a fake structure of silicone under my clothes to make me bigger, but V refused, since it would be too heavy for me to move correctly. He had retouched the components enough to fix the problem, mostly the cape and the boots, and trust it would work. I had to admit I was nervous to dress as him.

“She’s a copy of V,” Allana said with a wide smile, pitching her cheek softly. “I swear. I can’t wait to see how she’ll be when she grows up.”

“I think I can wait, definitely,” I joked.

“By the way,” she tilted to me, to get closer, and gave me a knowing look. “Are you…?” She made a circular gesture before her belly and I gasped.

“How do you know?” I whispered.

“Because your boobs are bigger and even if you’ve been stress-eating for two weeks, you haven’t gained a pound,” Allana said without any filter. “And because I’ve seen two pregnancy tests in the trash, carefully buried under the potatoes’ skins.”

I laughed. “What were you doing looking that carefully into the trash?”

“It was an accident. I pressed it to make more space and they appeared. I was sure they had to be yours, since you’ve been the only one who had gone for groceries.”

“You’re too clever for your own good,” I shook my head, smiling.

“Does he know?” She asked me. “Is that why he’s been so difficult these days?”

“No,” I sighed, covering Vera’s ears even if she wouldn’t remember or understand what I was about to say. “It’s because he saw me about to be raped and killed by Roland. And that has shattered his nerves.”

I uncovered Vera and Allana shook her head, understanding. “I guess you’re not telling him right now,” she pointed out.

“I’ll wait. At least until tonight. Maybe after we get rid of this man, he will be calmer. It’s been a rough week for him and we have a hard endeavour before us. I want him to be focused. And…” I sighed. “We haven’t talked about this yet. I don’t know if he will take it well.”

“Of course he will,” Allana assured me. “It’s him. He’s a great dad. Another little one will make him happy, for sure.”

“I hope you’re right,” I breathed out, turning to Vera and bouncing her more. “And you… Don’t tell daddy before I do, okay?”

“Da!” She blurted out, reaching for my curls.

We laughed and played with her more, until we sensed the back of the sofa lowering slightly. We rose our heads, finding a pair of blue eyes looking at us, filled with dullness.

“It’s time,” V said in a low voice.

I nodded, seriousness taking over, giving Vera to Allana, pressing a kiss against her little forehead and standing up to follow V to our bedroom. He closed the door behind us and I turned to him, my stomach stirring with nerves.

“Put this on,” he said, with a voice devoid of emotion, looking at his clothes he had fixed for me resting on the bed. “I’ll help you with the cape and belt.”

I sighed, taking off my clothes and putting his on, sensing a strange but exciting sensation and being I the one of wearing them, and them fitting me. He had left them enough large-fitting to hide my figure, but still.

Then, I waited for him, stretching and shrugging my hands, getting used to the gloves, while he held the belt with the knives in his hands. He adjusted it around my waist, wrinkling his nose, both of us realizing it broke a little the illusion that created the shirt. He reached for the cape then, making it flutter, placing it on my shoulders. I sensed a rush of electricity when he tied it around my neck, the shoulder pads he had added, making my shoulders seem bigger. V had a face of hard consternation when while dressing me as himself, not once looking me in the eye.

“The boots now,” he just told me, turning to the bed and grabbing the mask.

Without hesitation, although sad at his behaviour, I sat on the edge of the bed and put on the boots that had been resting at its side. They were heavier than his, but tolerable. He had to add a bit of platform to make my height less obvious. When I stood, he analysed me and I did too, feeling strange for being taller now, the perspective changing slightly.

“Does they weight too much?” He asked. “Or make you uncomfortable?”

I walked a bit, testing how they felt. It was alright and I shook my head no to warn him. He sighed and gave me a rubber tie. I braided my hair and held it up with a few clips that he passed me. When he approached with the mask, I sensed he was gripping it too hard. I placed a gentle hand on his forearm, making him look at me at last.

“This will work,” I assured softly. “Trust me.”

V sighed, closing his eyes for a second. When he opened his lids, I noticed how extremely worried he was. “I apologize,” he breathed out, furrowing sadly. “I know I’ve not been the most supportive this week. I’m just…”

“Worried,” I finished for him. “It’s alright. But if you worry too much, we’ll risk the plan. Remember: we’ve been through this already. You have to do your part and trust I’ll manage to do mine.”

He nodded, furrowing more and approaching to place his forehead against mine, one of his hands raising to place on my nape. “I love you,” I whispered, reassuring.

“I love you too,” V muttered, backing away.

I took the mask, him clearly not wanting to give it to me unconsciously, and tied it at the back of my head. I straightened my head, looking around, my breath sounding strange against the wall of the mask, and my nostrils hit with the smell of new porcelain. Shivering, I observed how everything looked, seeing everything the way he had seen it for years. It wasn’t so different, my eyes close enough to the mask overtures to give me almost absolute visibility. It was darker, although, and, for a second, it felt even claustrophobic.

He approached with the wig then, helping me put it on and settling it right. After that, he was motionless and I felt the urge to walk to the bathroom and take a look at myself. I wanted to laugh when I saw my reflection, but I held back, not wanting to make his more insecure. I was nothing like him. It wouldn’t do the trick if I didn’t keep away from Roland long enough. From the distance, maybe the illusion would work.

I passed my hands above the wig, combing it a little, and then got out, returning to him. “How do I look, then?” I said, stretching my arms.

“Strange,” he admitted.

“Yeah. I guess I do.”

“Stay away as much time as you can,” V warned me. “If he sees you from a brief distance, he will realize before you drive him to the accorded place.”

I nodded and he sighed, his shoulder lowering, all his posture dropping in sorrow. I tilted my head, confused.

“I realize now why you hated it,” he muttered.

“What?”

“The mask.”

“I didn’t hate it.”

“You surely didn’t like it.”

I approached him, placing a hand over his chest. “Well, well…” I teased, trying to ease his mood. “Are you having problems knowing my mood?”

“Not yet. It’s just…”

“Confusing,” I said, smiling under the mask, and he would never know. “I know.”

“How did you figure me out?” He asked, a hint of curiousness reaching his voice.

“Because I know you. With or without the mask, I see through you.”

He dropped his gaze and I cupped his face with my palm, raising it again. “Come on,” I muttered. “We should be going already.”

V nodded and we both got out of the bedroom to find the girls and start our mission.

I backed against a statue, breathing heavily, two knives ready on my hands, prepared to fight the demon approaching me.

“Evey, get out now!” Bel screamed through my earpiece, hidden near.

However, Roland heard it, through the earpiece or because she was not far away from us, and turned his head to her direction. Afraid, I threw a knife to him, digging into his chest. Roland returned his focus to me, taking it off and throwing it away. His wound started to bleed, his shirt soaking with blood fast; he didn’t react to it. I grabbed another knife, replacing the one I had thrown.

At that moment, the whole country would be hearing V’s speech, dismantling everything. People would know the truth and, by tomorrow, we hoped most part had reached for the scanned copy of Delia’s diary we had put online, for everybody to read. Maria would be protecting the recording and V would be about to arrive. Bel had been watching over the cameras we had placed at that cemetery Roland had buried his victim for hours and soon everybody will see who was White’s right hand.

I had been wandering around the flat he stayed in while in London, acting unaware, and he followed me as we expected. And now it was almost time.

“How come your husband,” he mocked, “has left you wander around, alone, after our last meeting? I’m started to think he’s not that intelligent. I could kill you right now and you wouldn’t even have the time to take a breath.”

I heard the soft beep through the earpiece that warned me the connection with live television had started. I almost sighed in relief.

“And what are you waiting for?” I grunted. “Why don’t you kill me now?”

“That’s no fun, sweetie,” he said and before I could blink, he was before me, ripping my mask and wig off. “He made me go through a hell of two days. And if you don’t want your little friend, who I remember shooting me and who’s around here, watching us, to suffer your same destiny, you better tell her to go away. I can smell her. It won’t be hard to find her.”

I gulped. “Bel, go,” I said.

“But, Evey…!” she screeched through the earpiece.

“Bel,” I grunted, warning.

“I’ll find V,” she whispered.

Roland laughed and I hoped she had left, just in case. Immediately, he gripped my face, pressing me against the statue.

“Now, tell me,” he growled, turning serious. “What are you doing around here? In which mission has him sent you to?”

“Just searching a bit of DNA, to compare with yours,” I spat out. “Isn’t here buried the man you killed and robbed his life, passing as him to have a better position to get into New England, huh, Roland?”

His eyes widened for a second before filling with anger, pressing me more against the marble, making me gasp with pain.

“How do you know that?” He growled, shaking with fury.

“V is a very cleaver searcher. He always finds the truth, in the end.”

He huffed and his eyes filled with craziness, making me shiver, but I had to carry on for the sake of the plan.

“Maybe you can kill me now. It doesn’t matter,” I grunted, defiant him with my eyes. “V will tell everybody the truth of Norsefire, of your fellows, New England, and the opposition cell. Everybody will know you were an unknown man with nothing but with ambition, who killed a rich but innocent man just to pass off as a Sutler’s supporter and befriending the powerful men who still worked for the regime. Everybody will know you turned yourself into a monster because you wanted to reach total power, destroying and killing those who trusted in you, and rule them all. They will know your party is planning announcing a crisis to change the monetary system and enrich the powerful even more. And that you plan on killing White and took his place, just to start another tyranny.”

“Nobody will believe that,” he laughed. “He has no credibility now. I destroyed it. This country is dumb. A masked man dressed as him killed a few and they all thought it had been him. That was all it took me.”

I held back from laughing as well. He was more featherhead that I though. I had barely to press him into talking.

“Soon they will know it was you,” I said.

“Yes. But your beau doesn’t have a proof. He hasn’t a single proof of anything. When I finish with you, I’ll burn this whole place down and we won’t have any DNA to compare. I tied everything up. He won’t have a way to prove I did those things.”

“Are you sure? Because, let me tell you, you’ve just recognized it before the whole country, in live television.”

“What?” He grunted, letting go of me.

“Say hello to the camera, Roland,” I breathed out, gasping. “Your plan is over. By now, White knows who you truly are. Everybody knows everything. V has set the truth free.”

He looked around, finally catching glimpse of the red dot, blinking in the distance, above a near mausoleum focusing on us. With rage, growling like a beast, he ripped out of the floor a whole gravestone towards the camera, breaking it and making it fall, making a part of the mausoleum’s roof crumble. My blood froze and I hoped with all of me that it kept up. Then, he turned to me and I saw in his furious eyes that he was planning how to kill me right then. Something in him was feral, animal, and I knew I couldn’t hesitate.

I wasn’t supposed to proceed with that part of the plan until V arrived, but I didn’t have time.

Running towards the mausoleum, I threw myself downstairs, reaching the room where the graves were fast enough, activating the bomb that was inside one, covering it with the slightly moved marble, again in place. I had five minutes to get out and ran out of the cemetery before it exploded; first, I had to knock down Roland.

We knew this wouldn’t kill him, but it was enough to gather ourselves and return to the Gallery to think about how to proceed.

However, then I heard a loud thud, marble falling, everything covering in dust and darkness. Just the dirty cupule above me let some light in, making me realize Roland had made the entrance crumble, blocking the way out.

“Shit…” I gasped.

A pair of hands trapped my throat, emerging from the darkness, pushing me towards the grave. I gasped for air, but I didn’t rose my hands to his forearms to back them away. I could barely see his face, but his rageful gaze was clear under the thick light.

“Do you really think this will stop me?” He said in a rumbling voice, threatening. “Maybe you’ve delayed me, for sure, but all I have to do is wait a few years. I can’t be killed, honey. I won’t age. In a couple of decades everybody will have forgot my name and my face and I just would have to start again. And then you won’t be there to bother me, neither will him. Maybe I won’t reach power now, but I assure you I will murder him in the most horrible way. I will make him suffer, I promise you.”

Time was running against me and I reached for my knives, digging them on his belly, but he didn’t move. However, he released me, digging them out. I gasped for air, trying to move away, but he made me fall with a kick on my leg. I collided against the floor.

“You’re very boring,” he sighed, crouching down and grabbing my hair, making me stand and screech in pain. “You’re not an opponent at all. But I guess I can rejoice some in shattering you, breaking him. He was so mad last time,” he laughed. “You say I’m a monster, but he is not very different, you know? You’d never look at him the same way if you knew how he tried to kill me. How many times. In how many different ways.”

“You know nothing about him,” I grunted, grabbing his wrists, struggling. “He’s nothing like you.”

I rose my leg, kicking him on the belly, making him back away in surprise more than in pain. He chuckled.

“What do you think you’re gonna do?” Roland asked, amused. “Give me a beating with your little hands? Throw more knives at me? Go on.”

If I wanted to live, I had to solve that fast. I looked at the staircase, coming up with an idea. Breathing in, I threw two of my knives at him, one reaching his chest, the other passing by him on purpose. He gave me a devilish smile, taking them out, and I acted desperate, scared, running towards the stairs.

I laid there, as if I had fallen, making a thud with my hands and a grunt to make it believable and looking at the little rocks at my reach. When I heard him, I turned around with a gasp, still acting, and reached for my last knife. He was over me, trapping me under his body before I could realize, clapping my hand and making my grip around it get completely loose.

“Well, well… Maybe we should continue what we had started the last time, don’t you think?” Roland purred, giving me creeps. “Now that you’ve fucked up my plans, I have plenty of time.”

I shifted as if I wanted to fight, but clearly couldn’t. He rejoiced in it and it made me want to puke. When he reached for my shirt, I knew it was the moment, grabbing a rock, I hit his head, making him back enough to grab the knife laying on the step above my head and cut his throat.

I didn’t stay to check on him, hoping he would faint in a few seconds, not enough to follow me. I had barely time. I crossed the room, disappearing through the secret overture behind a statue that drove me to a hall that left me on another mausoleum at the other side of the cemetery.

Getting out, my heart beating painfully, gasping for air and with my legs trembling, I ran towards one of the exits. However, I didn’t reach it in time. The bomb exploded in the distance and, luckily, I was far enough to just be deafened by its sound for a second and stumble a little at the vibration.

I stopped, turning around, looking at the column of fire and smoke that now arose at the other side of the old place. I sat on the floor, catching my breath, backing on a gravestone. Placing my hand over my heart, I tried to calm myself. How close…

When I decided I could walk again and not crumble, I rose on my feet, suddenly thinking of V and Bel, afraid that they were too close of the explosion when it happened. I activated my earpiece, miraculously attached to my ear even after all, and talked.

“Bel, are you alright?” I asked. “Have you found V?”

“Evey!” She cried out, tears audible in her voice. “What the actual hell! Where are you?”

“At the other side of the cemetery. I escaped through the mausoleums’ tunnels.”

“What are you talking about?!” She screeched. “Look, never mind. Wait for us there. I’m going to kill you, I swear!”

“But, what about V?” I asked but she had already cut the connexion.

I sat again, breathing in and out slowly, the adrenaline still rushing through me. I realized then just Maria and I knew about that tunnel. For some reason, when she was younger, her and her friends had fun breaking into that kind of places at night to wander around and play Ouija. She knew about the mausoleums because she had been there before, and showed me the hidden hall when we chose that one to place the bomb. He told me that it connected with another at the other side and I just found it curious back then. My life had depended on that silly information, in the end.

Soon after, I saw V and Bel reaching the top of the little hill where I was and I stood up, relieved.

“Has it worked?” I asked, hopeful.

Bel was teary when they stood before me and didn’t say a thing; V was still masked. Nevertheless, he didn’t stay much time concealed, ripping his mask and wig off quickly, throwing them at the floor. Startled, I saw how his eyes full of tears and relief fixed on me, just before approaching me in a couple of strides, capturing my face in a hard grip and kissing me deeply.

I sighed, confused, but welcoming it. However, when I sensed his tears still falling, I wanted to back away, but he didn’t let me. When he finally broke the kiss, he hid his face on my neck, holding me closer in a tight embrace. I returned it, worried, not understanding. I searched for Bel at his back with my eyes, asking her silently.

“We thought,” she stuttered, “you were inside the mausoleum.”

“Oh,” I muttered. “No, I… I’ve escaped before the bomb exploded.”

“How?”

“There were secret tunnels connecting both ends of the cemetery. Maria showed me. I thought it was silly but, in the end, has saved me.”

V wrapped his arms tighter around me. He seemed a statue, not making a sound and barely breathing. I caressed his back, reassuring.

“Hey. I’m alright,” I muttered. “It’s fine.”

He let me go finally, not looking at me, just turning fast to pick up his mask and wig and cover himself again.

“Well… Has it worked or not?” I asked, anxious.

“Yes,” Bel said with a faint smile. “Tomorrow England will be different, for sure.”

“Thank God…” I sighed, feeling the tension leave my body. “Now, let’s go home, please. I need a shower desperately.”

When we arrived at the Gallery, Allana received us with relief and happiness, driving all of us to embraces. We showered in turns and prepared some dinner, even if it was close to midnight. We were happy and relieved, even if he would have to make another mission before it was completely over. However, that night seemed like the first true victory we had had in those years.

V was the only one who seemed more off. He hadn’t talked to me yet, aside from a couple of phrases very random, to confirm if I needed more towels or if the meat was too salty. After dinner, he sat on the couch with Vera in his arms and Nicky laying curled on a side, already dozed off, while we cleaned the kitchen.

When she fell asleep, we took her the room we had prepared for her and said goodnight to everybody, going to our bedroom.

When I entered it, I let out a tired sigh. Suddenly, being there, I felt totally relaxed, and sensed the tension vanishing from my muscles and bones, leaving a bearable ache. I walked towards my nightstand while unzipping my hoodie and taking it off, thinking I wanted nothing else but doze off next to him right away and get some well-deserved rest.

“Finally… This damned day is over,” I muttered, leaving the hoodie on the night table. “For a moment I thought the mausoleum thing wouldn’t work, but I’ve escaped pretty cleanly.”

I sighed, stretching a bit the stiffness of my body. I turned around for a moment, catching a glimpse of him closing the door very softly. Facing the table again, I left the baby monitor I had on the back pocket of my jeans over it, turned on, and a rush of nervousness made my breath hitch softly.

Maybe it was the right moment to tell him about the baby. I had considered waiting until we finished our task there, but I had made that mistake once and, even if it wasn’t the same situation now, I wasn’t taking any chances. That night had been another little reminder that everything could go very wrong very fast and that our time was priceless. There was no point in waiting. However, he was in a strange mood and I was unsure. But I had to do it.

“Well… Everything has gone alright, don’t you think?” I asked and started to turn around, trying to pave the conversation before getting into the matter, hoping he would talk to me normally. “You didn’t need to be so worr…”

I hadn’t time to even gasp of surprise, suddenly with my face trapped between his hands and pulled to his eager mouth with a bit of roughness, startling me at the sudden passion. I hadn’t heard him approaching me at all.

V kissed me as if he was in a hurry, as if the time was running against him, his lips devouring mine mercilessly. Even if I was surprised, his hot breath and his hands, lowering, gripping my body with absolute eagerness, made me almost impossible not to give in.

I pulled away, gasping, staring directly into his already dilatated pupils, filled with a sharp need I hadn’t seen before. Shivering, I tried to say something.

“V…” I muttered, chocking. “What…?”

He approached me to him again, grunting inside my mouth, kissing me even more desperately. My legs collided against the night table, destabilizing me, keeping stood because of the tight grip of his hands on my waist. However, he moved me away from the table then, pressing me against the wall. I whimpered, trying to pull back a little to look at him, but his mouth wouldn’t leave me, and the rush of desire that was starting to take over me wouldn’t allow either. What had gotten into him, I didn’t know; however, I didn’t care. In the blink of an eye, I forgot I was trying to tell him something and that I was tired. All there was suddenly was his hot, strong body pressing mine against the cool wall, and his lips erasing any thought from my mind that wasn’t him.

He took his hands to my shirt, starting to unbutton it fast, rough, at the same time his tongue caressed mine with open need. I felt the blush covering my whole face before his behaviour, completely unusual, although not displeasing at all. He backed a little, taking my shirt off roughly, throwing it to the floor. I just got a moment of freedom from his passion, but that sight made me quiver like never before. Gulping, I felt exposed to his unexpected wildness. V seemed, all of a sudden, a panther about to devour and break me, and I just yearned for it.

Approaching fast, he trapped my face again, his lips resuming his pace over my mouth. My bra went off next, one of his hands gripping one of my breasts right away, making me moan softly inside the kiss. His touch was bolder, harder, and his body burned against mine as if our contact was ignited.

One of his hands lowered through my belly, giving me shivers, as the other placed on my nape when his mouth travelled to my throat. I moaned, sensing his teeth on my neck, his lips sucking softly, while he unbuttoned my jeans and unzipped them. I tilted my head against the wall more, desperate, needing more of him, sensing a bolt of desire electrifying my belly. It didn’t matter how many times he had touched me or how many I had felt him deep within me; I just seemed to want him more, need him more desperately.

His fingers sunk under the thin layer of my knickers and found fast my bud, starting to stroke me without compassion. Moaning loudly, I held onto his arms, my legs already shaking. V groaned against my neck, producing a husky, guttural sound that left me breathless for a second, until I sensed his fingers searching for my entrance, making me suck on a breath when he entered me hard.

“Oh, God… V…” I breathed out, too shaken to even produce a moan, giving into his touch completely.

He groaned again, his voice sounding even deeper, and his hand left me abruptly. I hissed, protesting, but clenched my jaw at the huge shiver that ran through my body when he grabbed the edges of my jeans and knickers and pushed them down, freeing me from them and discarding them with the same fury as the shirt. His hand found me again, his mouth attaching to my neck, and I couldn’t do anything but melt against him, cry out at his touch.

Even submitted to the pleasure, I was lucid enough to eventually notice something that started to turn on the alarms in my head. V was trembling. And, somehow, the pieces started to fit together.

V backed away then, not undressing, but completely tearing off his shirt, buttons flying away, and taking off his compression one with rage, almost. Breathless, I contemplated him, with a mix of furious desire and increasing worry. Something was wrong with him. Very wrong.

When he closed the distance again, being able to see his gaze better for a second, I noticed that his eyes had a bit of dullness. I recognized the look right away: he was holding back a feeling, one that was torturing him.

“V…” I muttered when he rose again his hands, about to pull me to another kiss and press me against the wall. “Wait…”

He cupped my face anyway, this time with his usual gentleness, and furrowed, his expression full of raw desperation. I gulped, sensing his hot breath caressing my wet lips, making me shiver and my belly tingle. “I need you… Now,” he whispered with a rough voice, just at the same time his dominance seemed to fall apart like a broken mirror, showing the submissiveness of his yearning. “Take me. Make love to me. Do whatever you want with me but… Please, Evey.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. V furrowed more, sadness reaching the wholeness of his expression.

“Please,” he openly begged in a whisper, pressing his forehead against mine, closing his eyes, his lips barely separated from mine.

I furrowed deeply, feeling very conflicted. My whole being screamed for him, but my reason warned me that maybe I should make him talk to me first, that maybe sex wasn’t what he really needed.

However, then, he pulled away, opening his eyes and I looked at him, witnessing how he was starting to fall into embarrassment and regret, how his eyes started to water, averted from mine, with an emotion I recognized very well. It was the expression of hurt, of needing something to hold onto before falling apart. Then, I understood what he was asking for, what was going in his mind. I recognized myself in him in that moment, a past version that had cried for him for a whole year, needing the reassurance of his presence, thinking him lost forever. I recognized exactly how that desperation was making his whole being beg for me.

Even if briefly, that night, he had thought he had lost me forever. It had torn him. He needed to exorcise the demons he had caught in the course of that week. He had been under a lot of pressure lately and exposed to a kind of pain that was almost unbearable. And he had been containing it for the sake of the mission. But what happened that night broke that resilience at last. He needed to be immersed in the tangible reality of our connection. And I, luckily, knew what to do about it.

Coming closer, trapping his face between my hands, I made him lower, pulling him to a kiss. He growled, bending more, trapping my waist roughly and sliding his hands to my bare back, his fingers already dipping on my flesh, his arms trembling around me. I unzipped his trousers, breaking the seal of the kiss just to take them off along with his boxers. When he looked at me then, his eyes still watery and full of pleading, I knew his former advance was gone. He was all weakness and yearning now.

I pushed him gently against the bed and he let himself fall, sitting, his eyes not leaving me. I kept there for a second, admiring his perfect body, and a bit of shyness reached his expression at my scanning. Smirking, I kneeled down to take his socks off and I straightened up again, my hands caressing his legs as I did, slowly, throwing myself at him when I reached his thighs. V gasped, grabbing my waist, when I pushed him down on the mattress with my motion, hovering over him with a sultry smile. Pushing my hair aside, I lowered, placing my lips on his neck, tracing a slow and alluring trace of kisses until arriving at his chest. Then, I rose to his face, keeping very close.

“You rather I go directly for it,” I started to ask in a low mumble, “or play a little before?”

V gulped, his breath hitching, and his hands gripped me tighter.

“Directly,” he managed to say, his voice breaking. “If you don’t mind.”

I laughed softly. “Not at all, my love,” I muttered. “We better chance the position, though.”

He nodded and we moved to lay straight on the bed, his head resting over the pillows. I approached him, splaying a hand on his chest and trapping his body under me, hovering slightly over him, backed on my tibias.

V sighed, his breath escaping his mouth raggedly, gripping my buttocks as I lowered, almost sitting on his lap. I rubbed myself against his length, making him utter a sharp grunt, his head falling back against the bedhead. I repeated it a few more times, not being able to keep my low moans inside my throat, and I leaned over him, holding onto the wood. He looked at me through his half-lidded gaze, need growing exponentially, desperation having taken over him whole.

“Now?” I asked in a low hiss.

He nodded and I sensed a rush of electricity running down my spine, feeding my own desire for him. I took one of my hands down, grabbing his length and driving him to my entrance. Pushing myself down, I took him in, ripping a moan from his tenor voice, turning rougher at every moment that passed. Closing my eyes, I let out a whimper. I never got tired doing that with him. It was so huge feeling him, feeling us as one. I was absolutely sure I could do it forever. I wanted to do it forever.

My hands rested near his shoulders, in all the space I could find between them and the pillows, and I started to move up and down, needing to close my eyes when the pleasure and his unguarded sounds overtook me.

V caressed my body, his hands raising to intertwine in my curls, pushing me down a little, both our foreheads touching. “You’re so beautiful…” He whined, closing his eyes for a moment. “God… How are you so beautiful?”

I blushed more, kissing him as I started to ground harder on his lap. He responded with a series of needy growls inside my mouth, his body heating up even more. I took my hands down, gripping his muscles, even if just for a moment, backing on them to keep swaying my hips, feeling dizzy and my body quivering at the overwhelming sensation of him.

He sat straight, moving me with him, placing his palms on my back as I held onto his shoulders, surprised at his sudden movement. I found myself quiet for a moment, devoid of air, staring into his eyes devouring me silently. V hid his face on my neck, tracing a way of kisses up to my ear, biting my lobe softly. I moaned, shivering, warming up more, and he sighed, his hot breath colliding against the side of my face, making me feel as if dying. 

“You’re so warm…” He whispered, caressing me until finding my thighs, going up again. “Your skin is so soft…” He interlaced his fingers with my curls, slightly pulling away to see my face. “I never get tired of you.”

V was talking more than usual and, for a moment, my concern returned. However, he drowned it with a passionate kiss, my body starting to move again over him immediately, reacting almost by an impulse to his love.

He held onto my back hard, the gripping and the scratching of his fingers being almost painful. When his moans turned into sharp cries, he hid his face on my shoulder, pressing his forehead against it, biting, gasping against it.

“Evey…” He cried out roughly, sounding almost on the edge. “My God…”

His hands hardened on their grip, pushing me closer to him. A second after, V uttered a rough whimper, shaking, falling into the void of his climax, his mind disappearing for a moment. I kept quiet, sitting on his lap, wrapping my arms around him, gasping, drowning my face on his shoulder as well. He was incredibly warm and the sensation soothed the ache that had started to gather in my thighs. My whole body was a mix of sweat, tiredness and fading pleasure, rejoicing in the feeling of the afterglow before remembering I was concerned too.

When I moved, pulling away, about to get off him, his eyes filled with sharp uneasiness, desperation returning, and he gripped my hips tight, pushing me down again against him, making both of us hiss.

“No… Please…” He whispered roughly. “I can continue.”

I gulped, my heart beating wildly again, sensing that, indeed, he was still fully hard inside me. His incredible stamina was bad for my heart. All of him, in fact. Even so, I furrowed a little, sadly. I thought he would be feeling better already, but, apparently, to drown his demons, he needed more than that. They needed to be knocked out to disappear completely.

I pushed him down roughly, towards the pillows, and he let himself fall without putting up resistance, staring at me with undying desire and a bit of shock. I bent down, my face hovering over his for a moment, before kissing him with the rest of the energy I had, pouring out the totality of my desire. V growled inside my mouth, gripping my buttocks again as I resumed my movements, this time falling hard and wilder on him. He responded with loud moans, his head sinking into the pillows, eyes tightly shut, completely surrendered.

Lowering even more, I gave him a few bites on his neck and ear, making him whine a little. “I’m here, V… I’m yours,” I muttered brokenly, breathless, relenting my movements as I took his hands on mine, making him caress me whole. “Feel me.”

He whimpered, opening his eyes, looking at me with incipient tears. Suddenly, he grabbed me tighter, rolling us, placing me down, against the pillows. I gasped, shivering with expectation, and V captured my mouth again, thrusting into me with roughness without abandoning my lips. Crying out, I arched more into him, shutting my lids hard, sensing my whole being submitted to him.

He came soon after, trembling, deflating over my body with his face buried in the hole of my neck. I gasped, hugging him as hard as I could, trying to catch some air. The room was filled with silence, just broken by our gasps, until another sound shattered it. After a minute, he burst into tears.

I wrapped my arms even tighter around him, feeling my heart heavy, sensing the vibration of his cries against my chest and his tears on the skin of my neck. He pulled away then, moving to a side and sitting on the edge of the bed without looking at me. I followed him with my sad gaze, witnessing how he bent over, grabbing his head between his hands. Reclining, I approached him, placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to make him straighten up.

“Love…” I whispered, utterly concerned.

“No…” He bent over more, pushing my hand away gently. “Don’t…”

“V…” I said with a faint tone, sensing my own tears gathering. I approached him more, making him straighten with a hard grip. Even so, he kept his face turned to a side, avoiding my gaze.

“I’m really sorry, Evey…” He stuttered, melting into a mess of cries, lowering his head. “I’ve acted as if I was a beast… I…”

“Hey. No,” I stopped him, cupping his face, making him look at me. His tears fell harder when he closed his eyes, furrowing. “You haven’t.”

“Yes, I have,” he whimpered, bending again, covering his face with his hands. “God…”

“V, for real… It’s alright,” I said, sadness and worry giving me shivers.

I stood up, placing myself before him, grabbing his hands and uncovering his face. Coming closer, I cupped his face, trying to make him look up. Instead, he hugged me, pressing his head against my chest, crying openly. I felt my legs trembling while my hands caressed his head, comforting.

“I’m sorry…” He sobbed, hugging me tighter. “Please… Forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” I whispered, landing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“I was so terrified…” He cried, trembling. “And…”

“Shh…” I shut him softly. “I know. I know. You don’t have to talk now. Just let everything out.”

He panted and whimpered for a while, holding onto me. When he became quiet, I drove him to lay down on the bed again, under the sheets. I hugged him close to my body, his face hidden under my neck. He was breathing softly now, although the tiredness could be heard in his sighs.

“I thought …” He said eventually, in a voice so low it was almost inaudible. “I thought he… Had made you disappear.”

I continued caressing him, hearing his explanation with heavy worry. I would find easier to fight every devilish figure in that country at once than bear his suffering for that long.

“If something happened to Vera, to you… I don’t know what I’d do, Evey…” He whimpered softly, nuzzling on my neck more. “For a moment… I thought… It would’ve been my fault. This is my fault. First, Jeremy and then… You, almost. Twice.”

“This is not your fault, V…” I said in a low voice, reassuringly. “And nothing has happened, okay? I know it’s been a rough week but… We’re here, safe. Both of us. This will be over soon and we’ll be back home in the blink of an eye. We’ll have our life together at last. We’ll have our peace finally, you and me. I promise you.”

V rose his face, looking at me, his eyes a bit reddish and still watery. The sadness was still attacking his features, although it was slowly vanishing. I encircled his hip with my leg, approaching him completely, and kissed him with sweetness.

“I apologize for treating you so roughly,” he muttered when the kiss broke, guilt painting his expression, averting his eyes again. “It’s certainly unacceptable.”

“Come on… You haven’t been so rough,” I sniggered, pressing a soft kiss on his nose. “Besides… I don’t mind if you’re rougher than usual from time to time. I like it too. I’d lie if I say tearing your shirt off hasn’t been sexy. You’ve made me quiver like jelly.”

He panted, cracking a little shy smile, looking at me timidly. “You’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re unbelievable hot,” I smiled alluringly.

V smiled openly finally, tittering. I closed the distance, placing a gentle hand on his cheek and my lips over his. He sighed, welcoming the touch, following my slow pace, returning the kiss, calmer at last.

Slowly, although strongly, the desire returned. We looked at each other, as if we wanted to confirm we were both getting consumed by it again, and I saw it in his gaze. He gasped and I searched his length, caressing his lower belly in my way to find it. Grabbing it, I stroked him with gentle movements, making him moan. V stared at me, a bit of shame raising to his expression. I stopped.

“Don’t you want to?” I asked in a soft voice.

“No. I do. It’s just…” He stuttered, unsure. “If you’re tired, you don’t have to.”

“I’m not,” I smiled slyly, encircling his hip with my leg, moving my hips enough to push myself against him, taking him in, shivering at the rough gasp that escaped between his teeth. “I also never get tired of you, you know?”

He breathed out, his face heating up, and grabbed my thigh as I started to move. We made love for a while, without hurry, without roughness, and consumed completely his fears. For that brief space of time, under those sheets, we just let our love take over. There was the only thing allowed there.

When our bodies came to a rest, we stayed attached, my hand resting over his chest and his fingers playing with my curls, just as he liked to do every time he could. I was starting to get sleepy, but, suddenly, the nervousness of an issue that had flown off my mind returned.

V had to notice somehow, his heightened senses not giving my cognitive reactions a break, so he stopped his stroking on my head.

“What is it?” He asked, knowing he hadn’t had to clarify.

Breathing in, I backed on my forearm and turned around a little, shifting in his embrace, just to look at him.

“There’s a thing I’ve been wanting to talk about with you for the whole week,” I admitted, not being able to hide the nervousness. “But we’ve been so occupied I haven’t found the moment.”

“Tell me,” he said, clearly infected with my nerves a little, furrowing slightly.

I bit my lip for a moment, gathering strength. “Have you ever thought of… Making the family bigger?” I asked, unsure. “Of having another child?”

V looked cryptically at me for a second, just before his gaze softened with sadness. “Evey… I don’t know if that might be possible. I know we managed to conceive Vera but… I’m not sure of the functionality of my reproductive cells. She might have been a stroke of luck that can’t be repeated.”

“But…” I muttered, feeling my throat tightening. “Would you want to have another? If we could.”

“I don’t want to get your hopes up if…” he started.

I cut him off. “Forget that. Just answer.”

“Sure,” he said, sighing, sorrowful. “I would be happy to give Vera a sibling. However, I prefer not to be too forward with this. When everything is calmer, we can try if you want, or whenever you feel ready. Although I’m uncertain about how it might turn out. If I can’t … I don’t know if I can handle that because…”

“And what if we don’t have to try?” I blurted out, getting extremely anxious at his speech.

He furrowed more. “What?”

“What if,” I hesitated, sitting on the bed, looking down at him, “we have already made it?”

V became completely quiet suddenly, staring at me for a prolonged second, until he sat next to me, reclining. His eyes scanned my expression, his face filling with questions, with confusion.

“Are you…?” He muttered, barely, not finishing.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, ending that anguish for once.

V froze for a second.

“Are you completely sure?” V asked in a faint voice, his body tensing suddenly, his eyes starting to shine with a feeling I couldn’t decipher exactly.

“Pretty much, yes,” I said, restless. “I made a test when I suspected it and I’ve made a couple more this week.”

He furrowed, dropping his gaze between us for a moment, as if giving it a thought, drowning in whatever he was considering. Anxious, I awaited, feeling a rush of nervousness tensing my body.

V rose his eyes to me eventually, still not saying a thing, and I knew I couldn’t stand another second without knowing what he thought.

“What do you think?” I muttered. “I guess something is definitely wrong with my pills. What are the odds?”

He kept shut even at my attempt to make the situation lighter. I was starting to get worried, to wonder if the reality had made him realize he didn’t want another child at all, or, as he had said, not at that moment.

“V, I seriously need to know what you think about it,” I admitted, still nervous, but in a more serious tone. “I know it’s not the best moment for this but…” I rose my hand to his shoulder, caressing his skin there, an inexplicable need of touching him driving me. I dropped my eyes to the motion of my fingers, not able to stand his inexpressive eyes. “Soon, this will be over. But… If you’re not sure, I’m in a very early stage. We can back now and wait. You don’t have to feel pressured to have it. Clearly, you’re still completely fertile and…”

Before I could continue, one of his hands rose to my cheek, cupping my face and his lips found me, trapping me with a crushing passion. Startled, but pleased, I sunk into his kiss, letting him lay me on the bed again, kissing me deeper. When he pulled away, just an inch, I saw his eyes watering, filled with raw emotion. Breathless, I stared at him, needing desperately for V to say something. However, he still seemed out of words.

“Are you…” I stuttered, unsure. “Happy?”

“Happy?” He breathed out, uttering a watery laugh, smiling widely, caressing my cheek with his thumb. “I’m overjoyed, Evey.”

I sighed, relieved. “Thank God,” I said. “You got me scared for a moment.”

“You can’t imagine what this means to me, love,” he muttered happily, pressing his forehead against mine, smiling even more. “This is a blessing. A blessing I feared so much it couldn’t happen,” V backed an inch again, staring into my gaze with loving, happy eyes. My heart warmed at the sight, delighted at how extremely happy he was. “I thought we might never have the chance to make our family bigger because of me, but… I suppose I’m not so damned at all, if I have gotten to have this life.”

“Of course not,” I whispered, raising my hands to his face, worried that his dark thoughts returned. However, he was still smiling cheerfully.

“And with this baby, I have the chance to do it right since the start,” he stated with a husky voice, low but excited. “I always regretted what happened while you were pregnant with Vera, leaving you alone and struggling. Suffering. I can’t amend the past, but…” His hand lowered to my belly, splaying there gently, giving me a shiver at the warmth of it. “I’m here now. I will make this the correct way.”

I felt the tears gathering in my eyes, suddenly speechless, and I felt the only way I could do was reach for him, kiss him with the huge happiness I was feeling. He drowned in it as well, sighing with delight, hugging me tightly.

“Wait a minute,” he said suddenly, backing away abruptly. “Did you seriously agreed to tonight’s plan knowing this?”

I clenched my jaw, having hoped he wouldn’t think about that. “It had to be done,” I excused myself. “And it’s somehow the same for Vera. If something happened to me, I couldn’t have returned to her.”

He furrowed. “But she was here, safe. You were not.”

“I know. But… It’s alright. I’m here. Everything is fine,” I tried to convince him, already knowing it was a very poor excuse. V seemed even more restless and I felt I could read his thoughts. “Don’t you even think of not letting me participate in the plan, V. I can see how you’re already restructuring it to do so in your eyes.”

Sighing, he gave a defeated look. “Sometimes I miss the mask,” he whispered, almost to himself.

“Are you sure?” I looked at him, slightly tilting my head, a sly smile reaching my lips. I pushed up, supporting on his back, and approached his face. “If you had it on, the I couldn’t do this.” I kissed him deeply, slowly, and then moved my lips, pressing them against his cheek, reaching his ear and biting his lobe. V hissed, his arms trembling, lowering, my back resting against the mattress again.

I backed away and he did to, as if putting a bit more of distance between us. I laughed at his flushed expression, something he was not able to mask at all. “You’re…” He gasped. “Like a siren, pushing me to my doom.”

“That doom is quite nice,” I teased him. “I can assure you.”

He closed his eyes, sighing, and slipped off the bed. I furrowed, laying on my side, observing how he was putting on his trousers.

“Why are you dressing up now?” I asked, confused.

V gave me a fast glance, reaching for his compression shirt and putting it on. He was quiet while doing so, looking away from me as if he was trying to find the words.

“There’s something I need to tell you and I’m uncomfortable to do so without clothes,” he explained, going to the cupboard and getting out my large gown. He approached the bed and gave it to me, asking me silently to do the same.

I blinked, surprised, and obliged with his petition because of it. The ambient had turned very serious all of a sudden and it made me worry.

“Come here,” he stretched a hand to me, standing by his side of the bed. “Sit on the edge.”

I grabbed it, doing as he demanded, furrowing with concern. “Is everything alright?” I hesitated to ask.

“I expect it to be,” he said, with a tone that didn’t have me a single clue of what was all that. However, he seemed to be starting to get nervous, standing there, in front of me. “I expected to do this back at home, when this whole hell was over. However, after tonight, and after knowing this… I’m afraid I can’t wait.”

“You’re seriously scaring me,” I whispered.

He breathed in. “Then, I hope to not scare you more now,” V said, light humour in his tone, and turned to the nightstand, backing on it.

Silently, he looked down at the wood, keeping quiet, just breaking the silence to inhale deeply.

“I’m not willing to lose another second of my life,” he stated in a serious tone, clearly quoting, “telling myself how I should be or how I should live, instead of how I want to be and how I want to live my life.”

I didn’t recognize it, furrowing. “Who said that?”

He turned to me, smiling slightly. “You,” V muttered. “The first night we slept in this very bed. The night you returned to me.”

“Oh,” was the only thing I could mutter, surprised. I didn’t recall saying that specifically.

V looked down again, sighing. “It’s been two years now, since that night,” he said. “And, like always, you’ve already had your mind made up. When we met, I thought I was the one to teach you through fear, that I was stronger and resilient. I thought I was on the higher ground in that sense. But it was fake security, only dismantled when I realised about my feelings for you. I wasn’t strong at all. I could blow up buildings, finish any man who dared to stop me, get my revenge… I was strong under my persona. But as a man I was weak.”

He straightened up a bit, sighing, and I kept listening, completely lost at his sudden speech.

“Even if I did, if I helped you to bloom… The tables turned when my purpose was fulfilled and I lived past it, showing me that I wasn’t how I thought I was. I felt swallowed by a swirl out of my control and I’ve just made it through because you’ve been here to guide me. But I’ve always been unsure if I deserved you, if I really deserved this life. I think now I’ve come to terms with my past and everything I did wrong. I don’t think I can release it completely, but living with it, accepting it finally, it’s enough. I’m not driven by it anymore,” he breathed out a laugh, his eyes shining. “Those words you said stuck with me because of this. You’ve always been the strongest one between us; I knew it that night. You knew what you wanted, even if you didn’t always acknowledge it. You wanted us and I always wandered around it, even if, deep inside, I wanted just the same. I wanted everything. And, now, I’m ready to accept it fully.”

He opened the first cupboard, grabbing something inside, and closing it again. V turned to me then, with a red velvet little box in his hands. Under my astonished gaze, he kneeled down before me, opening the box, and showing me a simple silver ring with a line of zephyrs incrusted. I rose my gaze to him, full of love and nerves.

“Once I told you I wanted to become a man to follow you in this life,” he said. “So, here I am. Rebuilt. Glued back together. No more two sides. No more persona and man; just me. I’m the boy who lost his parents, who’s a brother and a rebel and who was imprisoned and tortured and changed forever. I’m the man who took revenge, killed and freed, always under a mask, and also the man who fell in love with you, who became and learned to be a partner, a friend and a father; very clumsily, true, but I did. I’m who I am, whole, and I accept everything, the good and the bad things, because it’s due to them I’m here now, probably being the happiest I’ve ever been. And, the only thing that probably can me even happier now, is that you answer me one single question now.”

He took a deep breath and I sensed I was about to faint with confusion and emotion.

“Evey Hammond, will you marry me?”

After a second of silence, of my brain burning, it decided to react. Of all the reactions, of all the ways that my brain could have made me react… It decided to make me start to laugh.

V, startled, looked at me with utter confusion, and his hands lowered a little, still holding the box.

“V…” I breathed out, holding back the laughter, feeling my whole skin burning. I rose a hand to his face, caressing his cheek gently. “We’re already kind of married. I’ve been saying you’re my husband for a while now.”

He seemed startled at that affirmation, shifting a little. “But we aren’t.”

“Yes, but…” I arched a brow, questioningly. “I thought this wasn’t a thing you considered. I thought we had our little wedding when you gave me this ring,” I said, raising my hand a moment, showing it to him. “Well… I always interpreted it like that. What you said were very vow-like.”

He tilted his head, understanding my point. “It was different back then. I still didn’t think I could give you a normal life.”

“So… It wasn’t because you rejected the idea of marriage?” I muttered.

“Our whole relationship has been a series of events that I had never thought of,” V said. “Just the thought of being loved four years ago was completely alien to me. Whatever that came after that, was so foreign it didn’t cross my mind. But no, at that point of our relationship, I didn’t reject anything. I just didn’t dare to give it serious thought because it hurt me deeply to think I could never offer it to you.”

My head was spinning. “What about ‘I don’t believe any man on this Earth can bond me to you in the name of the Lord’?” I said, remembering exactly what he said that night, engraved in my mind forever.

V chuckled, dropping his gaze, a bit of embarrassment reaching his eyes, and looked at me again. “I said a man,” V said, the laughter still cheering his tone up. “Not a woman.”

I gave him a puzzled look, not understanding, and he smiled more, the nervousness still making his expression flatter a little.

“For very personal reasons, as you may know,” he stated, “I have a bit of reluctance to do this through the Church. Also, I have a very excited officiant that would be very glad to drive the ceremony, who, casually, happens to be my sister.”

“You’re kidding,” I breathed out, laughing.

“Not at all,” he laughed too. “Although she will be very infuriated with me when I tell you I’ve ruined the plans she had to help me with this. She had prepared something up the cliff once we returned, I think.”

I laughed, bending over, and hiding my face on my hands, feeling a rush of emotions that were making me start to tremble. I hadn’t expected that at all. Since forever I thought he was kind of beyond these things, so out of the system he had always been. But I hadn’t understood it was all because of his insecurities. And that was over now.

When I uncovered my face, I couldn’t help how my eyes watered at the sight of him, still waiting with the box in his hands, examining me with pure anxiety running through his soul, waiting for a response, hoping desperately not to be crushed.

“What do you say, then?” He asked me, his voice cracking, sounding very faint.

“Yes,” I breathed out, smiling.

His breathing hitched, his shoulders relaxing, dropping, and his eyes shining with a heart-warming light. “Yes?” He muttered, trying to confirm it.

I nodded, my tears growing, unable to use my voice at that moment. He smiled widely, causing my whole body to perish —almost—, and got the ring out of the box, putting it on my finger, next to the other one. I looked at it, grinning like a fool, astonished at how beautiful it was, how happy I felt.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I made him came closer, and he did, willingly, kissing me right away. He caressed my face with both of his hands, letting out content sighs, vibrating with happiness, and then grabbed me to place us right on the bed, him hovering over me.

“I love you, Evey,” he breathed out, backing for a moment, his voice trembling. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I said, smiling, my chest roaring with delight. Then, I pouted, joking. “I’m a little disappointed now, though. I thought you were my husband already.”

He tittered, pressing a fast kiss against my lips. “Don’t worry, my love; we’ll fix that soon.”

“I hope so.”

V sighed, content, laying over me with his head on my chest, careful to not put too much pressure on my belly. I caressed his head, closing my eyes, feeling the peace of everything fitting right in our lives at last.

“I’m so tired now,” he laughed softly.

“Well, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions tonight,” I answered, already feeling the tiredness kicking in too.

“Definitely,” V agreed, wrapping his arms around my trunk tighter. “And unexpected.”

“That’s the definition of our lives,” I said, smiling.

“You’re quite right,” he said with humour in his tone as well.

“By the way…” I started, wanting to talk more about the recent events, even if my lids were starting to feel heavy. “Is there a possibility that we find a date that’s not too far from now? I don’t want to have to be too pregnant at the ceremony.”

“Tell that to Allana tomorrow and she would be making calls to everybody in town non-stop to have a wedding plannified in two days, if you want it,” he said with a playful tone, although he was serious about it, and I knew she was capable.

“Ugh. I’m alright with her officing. But, planning? She’s capable of inviting the whole town.”

“Does it matter?” He said.

“I don’t know. You’re the most reserved one here.”

He sighed. “I don’t know what privacy is anymore. And I’m not uncomfortable with everybody being there. I just want to marry you.”

I blushed, grunting at the feeling I was melting, and hugged him tighter against me. “You’re the best.”

“I try,” he laughed softly, tilting his head to kiss me and then hid again, nuzzling into my neck, giving me shivers.

“And… Will we have a honeymoon?” I asked, unsure.

“If you fancy it, we will,” he said, already sounding sleepy. “I’ve never gotten out of the country; not even before forgetting. It’d be delightful to do it with you.”

“I haven’t either,” I exposed. “Any ideas?”

He seemed to think about it and, meanwhile he did, I was amazed before the moment, not being able to fully believe we were having that conversation.

“I’d be glad to explore anywhere, if it’s with you,” V decided finally.

My heart accelerated and I knew he noticed, since he smiled against my neck. He knew perfectly what he did to me and he rejoiced on it. How unfair he was. But I was as much as him.

“Well, it doesn’t matter much,” I said, on purpose taking out my most sultry tone. “I don’t think you get past our wedding night without dying,” I whispered, on purpose requoting what he said to me during our first time.

He shifted, his body warming up, and I smiled, triumphant. “I’m definitely afraid now.”

“You’re not escaping me whatever you do, I’m sorry,” I teased.

“I rather die, my love,” he whispered, humouring me, “before getting one single step away from you.”

“You better not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! <3
> 
> I know. It's been a month but it's been a crazy month for all of us. I never expected that my senior year at uni would be like this but well... Adapting my degree to online classes it's been a rollercoaster. I'm busier now than I was before.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter! It ended up being very long, but we're almost at the end so... The next chapter is the last and then, I'll post the epilogue. But don't worry. I have a couple of short stories of the future I'll write, so it's not totally over yet. Also, I'll be writing V's POV for a few months, surely. I hope y'all are healthy and safe and coping with this strange time well enough <3 And continue to stay safe!
> 
> The playlists have been updated. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). Also, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuryrune.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> See you soon!


	22. Even when there is no star in sight you'll always be my only guiding light

When I woke up, immersed in the darkness, I smiled, hearing the soft breathing of V by my side, still asleep. I backed on my forearm, raising a little to glance above his shoulder, looking at the digital clock on my nightstand. We had switched sides that night, and he had ended up sleeping on mine, his back turned to me.

Seven in the morning. I laid on my side again, sighing softly. If it was any other day, he would be already awake. However, after two years of being with him, I knew the pattern of his sleep schedules perfectly. He just slept like a normal person whenever he had been exposed to an emotionally draining situation.

I closed the space between us, encircling him with my arm gently and pressing our bodies together. Shivering at the feeling of his back against my trunk, of his strong legs and round backside, I pressed my forehead against his nape, breathing in his scent. V moved a little, inhaling deeply, seeming to get out of his slumber. A soft murmur escaped him and I smiled wider, pressing a kiss against his shoulder and caressing his chest, sensing his heartbeats accelerating.

“Good morning, fiancé,” I mumbled, kissing my way up to his face, pressing my lips against his neck, jaw and cheek.

V chuckled. “Good morning,” he whispered with a rough voice, vibrating inside me. I loved his morning voice.

“Have you slept well?” I asked, pressing a kiss against his lips when he turned his face to me.

“I always sleep well by your side,” he answered, smiling against my mouth, searching for a deeper kiss I was glad to give. “Although, I prefer being awakened, if this is what does it,” V muttered alluringly, raising his hand to mine, still on his chest, caressing it with his fingertips.

“Maybe you should change your sleep schedule a little, so I can pamper you more in the mornings,” I answered, pressing myself more against his back, making him gasp, and starting to lower my hand down his abdominals.

“Maybe,” V gasped when my hand reached his side and lowered to his backside, gripping it softly. He let out another harsh breath.

I smiled devilishly, sensing his body heating up under my attentions. “I love to give you a special good morning too,” I teased him, muttering near his ear, lowering my hand to his thigh and raising to find his hipbone. “Just so you know. You’re the only one who does it normally. And it’s not fair,” I pouted.

He shivered softly, his breath hitching when my hand started to travel down again. “Seems you’ve woken up feeling like torturing me,” V sighed, tilting his head back a little.

“I can stop, if you want,” I said, tracing a line on the limit of his lower belly.

V grunted. “God, no,” he mumbled. “Don’t.”

I chuckled huskily, grasping his hard length, making him suck on a breath and his muscles tense up. I couldn’t help but feel a rush of happiness, watching him accept my touch so gladly, without putting up resistance or feeling ashamed for wanting it. We certainly had come a long way.

I started stroking him softly, slowly, kissing his neck and nape while he moaned, slightly twitching against me. One of his hands tried to grab my leg, but I pushed it away, so it interfered with my motion, and he grunted.

“Let me turn around,” he gasped, pleading.

“You can’t keep quiet, right?” I chuckled, knowing perfectly the answer.

“I just…” He started and a soft grunt muffled, his voice breaking as I started to stroke him harder, whatever he wanted to say lost.

“If you want to turn around, you perfectly can,” I said, playful. “Or is it that your strength is gone?”

“You’re cruel,” he breathed out, arching to me.

“And you’re too restless,” I laughed, biting his shoulder softly. “Besides, I love to have your backside pressed against me.”

He groaned, his skin burning more, and I tittered, sensing his embarrassment even if I could barely see his face. I smiled against his neck while kissing him there, enjoying the sound of his pants and moans of surrender.

It didn’t take long for him to reach his climax, his voice breaking and his body shaking lightly. I stared at him, keeping track of his expression, barely illuminated by the green light of the clock, feeling my soul roaring with delight. He relaxed against me, breathing raggedly, and turned his face to me, opening his eyes, when his mind returned from the high place where I had sent him. He gasped, a bit embarrassment returning to his features.

“You’re not going to have a husband for long, if you continue attacking me this way,” he tittered. “You’ll be the death of me.”

“It’d be very shameful that a little woman like me ends up with the man who not even tons of explosives and mortal wounds can kill,” I humoured him.

“You’re certainly more dangerous for me, my love,” he sighed, raising to capture my mouth. “Only you can bring me to my knees.”

I laughed and kissed him back. Then, I backed away, pushing the sheets aside and got out of the bed. I heard him grunt with displeasure and give me a pleading look, making me chuckle.

“Don’t give me those eyes. I have to take a shower urgently now. And you should too,” I said, encircling the bed and bending over him to press another fast kiss against his lips. “I’ll be quick.”

“Can’t I come in with you?” He muttered near my lips.

“No. Vera might wake up soon.”

“I’ll hear the baby monitor from there, anyway,” V argued, almost pouting, and it made me completely soft.

“You’d be too occupied to hear anything, I’m sure,” I tittered and he made a face, sighing, knowing I was right.

“Alright,” he resigned.

I took a shower first while he stayed in the room, changing the sheets we had completely ruined, and then he went in after me. Vera woke up meanwhile and I went to get her, walking to the kitchen right away to prepare her mush. Allana and Bel were already there, with their gowns and manes messy, making breakfast while Nicky watched cartoons on the telly.

“Good morning, girls,” I said cheerful and sat Vera on her high chair, giving her rackle that was still around there so she was occupied for a while.

“Good morning,” Bel muttered, bending over her untouched coffee, looking very asleep.

“Is V still asleep?” Allana asked me when I approached her on the counter, starting to grab the masher to make Vera’s breakfast.

“No. He’s showering. Will be here in no time.”

“Okay,” she smiled.

Her eyes looked down for a second as she turned her face towards the pancakes she was making, just to snap her face to me again. Concretely, to my hand. She froze.

“No way,” she gasped, barely.

I looked down to my hand, grabbing the masher, my two rings shinning under the light of the kitchen and I gulped a little, seeing Allana’s expression.

“Yeah,” I muttered.

She left the spatula a bit angrily on the counter, completely forgetting about the pancakes. “I’m going to kill him!” She spouted.

“I was fearing you would.”

We all turned around, seeing V under the arch of the kitchen, and Bel jumped on her chair. Vera started to laugh at her scare. “For fuck’s sake,” she grunted breathlessly. “Stop appearing without making a sound! I hate it! My tension can’t handle it.”

“I apologize,” he tittered, although not seeming very concerned.

“You stupid brat!” Allana crossed the kitchen with two strides, facing her brother.

I decided to take care of the pancakes, fearing they would burn so Allana had abandoned them and the situation didn’t seem to be about to last briefly. However, while I kept an eye on them, I also kept it on Allana and V, needing to see him handle his sister, about to kick his ass.

“We had everything planned!” She argued, angry. “It was going to be perfect!”

V laughed, crossing his arms over his chest, unbothered. “It was perfect.”

I blushed a little, smiling, both of us sharing a brief look of fondness. Allana gave him a slight push, returning his attention to her.

“I can’t believe you haven’t waited,” she grunted.

“I’m tired of waiting, Lana,” V said, softening his tone and expression, placing his hands on her shoulders gently. “I’ve been doing so, twenty years. And I won’t, not anymore, not when I’ve made up my mind about what I want now.”

She shifted, looking down, understanding but bothered. I smiled at how lovingly he was staring at her.

“Allana, it’s alright,” I said and she turned to me. “I don’t know what you had in mind. But I assure you: when he starts talking, nothing else can be seen. He just needs his words to make a moment perfect.”

“Can somebody tell me what is going on?” Bel muttered then, confused, looking at all of us.

I rose my hand, showing her the ring, and she furrowed in confusion for a second. Slowly, her eyes widened. “We’re getting married,” I stated happily.

Bel seemed to wake all of a sudden, producing a screech and standing, coming to me to catch me in a hard embrace. After a couple of seconds, she let me go and turned to V.

“You secretive bastard!” She yelled. “I was a full week alone with you… And you didn’t tell me you planned this?”

He shrugged a little and she gasped, outraged.

“There’s more,” I chuckled, amused at the situation. Bel turned to me, almost demanding with her eyes for me to talk. “We’re having another baby.”

Bel’s mouth dropped. “What is this?” She grunted. “What has happened? How have I missed so much?”

“Just wait until Maria wakes up,” I laughed. “She’s the master of missing things.”

“True,” she tilted her head and returned to me to hug me in a softer way. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

She went to V after that, hugging him too, making him smile as she nuzzled against him comically. “Still, don’t let this go into your head,” Bel warned, although without stopping smiling. “I’ll kick your arse if you hurt her in the future.”

“I don’t expect any less,” V laughed softly.

In the end, the pancakes burned and we had to make them again. However, the smell woke Maria up, and, obviously, she was utterly confused. The light of a brighter future was staring to shine above us. We all could see it.

About everything that was happening above, we just had to do what we thought: wait.

After V’s speech and almost the whole country knowing about what Norsefire and New England were up to truly, everything escalated pretty quickly. After a few days of aggressive demonstrations, the government lost credibility and almost everyone in positions of power hid fast to avoid being caught. People demanded freedom like they never had and justice for themselves.

However, justice didn’t come under their hands. Everybody important from the party and related to it appeared horribly murdered in their hiding spots, one after the other. And the murderer didn’t even bother in keeping his identity a secret. Instead, he made it very public, leaving corpses on the street, murdering under the watch of street cameras.

Roland was out there still, seemingly calling for us, waiting for us to stop him. If he had gone completely crazy or he was already and this entertained him, it didn’t matter. He clearly thought he was immortal and wasn’t afraid of consequences, neither under V’s hands or the population. He was walking around as if he was all mighty.

We all knew the explosion wouldn’t kill him; we prepared it to stop him enough time to escape his rage. However, we had to think of something more permanent. Total freedom wouldn’t be reached if he was still alive.

“There has to be a point of no return,” V sighed, crossing his arms and pacing around the study while we observed him. “There has to be a point of complete shatter from which he can’t get back.”

“Which do you think that is?” Bel asked, laying on the sofa and looking at the ceiling.

“Maybe…” He stopped before her, blocking the light of the fire that hit her. “Destroying his body enough to be impossible for his cells to regenerate. He’s no god. If him whole is reduced to ashes, there’s no remaining life that helps him to revive.”

“Haven’t you tried that already?” Maria asked, sitting on the chair behind the table, her legs backed on it.

“I tried some things. Which would have been certainly effective… In another case,” V hesitated, a bit of regret shinning on his pupils. “But I didn’t break him that much. I should, but I didn’t.”

“How do we do it then?” I asked, sitting on the table.

V pressed his lips onto a thin line, turning towards the fireplace and backing on it. He kept quiet for a few moments, looking at the fire.

“I have an idea,” he muttered in the end, sighing. “Although, before talking about this, there’s a thing I need that you all take care of.”

“We?” Bel turned her head to him, furrowing slightly.

“Yes,” V continued. “Tomorrow there will be a huge demonstration before the Council. The remaining military forces will be there and I fear another massacre. That needs to be stopped. And I need you to take care of it.”

“Well… We have experience on that,” Maria sniggered behind me. “We haven’t messed with the police for a while. It’ll be fun.”

“And after that, I need you to get in the building and ask for a meeting with the Substitute Prime Minister.”

“So… We explode a few vans and then we’re having correct manners?” Bel muttered. “You’ve softened, my man.”

V laughed. “Being a father changes so many things…” He said a bit jokingly. “But I’m not asking you to have manners, if you don’t want. Carry the meeting however you please.”

“And why do we have to meet that bastard, exactly?” Maria asked, a bit wary.

“Have you thought about what will you do after this war ends?” He turned around, looking at them. “Working at the pub and as Lana’s secretary still? Keeping at Setoun? Have you thought about plans?”

We all kept silent, looking at him without understanding what was all that about. Not even I had talked with V about anything else but the wedding.

“I don’t know,” Bel said, hesitant. “I guess?”

“You’ll tire yourself,” V stated, although sweetly. “You’ve been the last three years working for this country, for freedom. Wouldn’t you like to continue? And you, Maria,” he turned to her. “You love to work big. You’re a brilliant economist. And I know you love helping at the town, but I remember when we worked together that month. You loved more huge management.”

“What have you done, V?” I asked with a slight smile.

He breathed out, his eyes lighting with a smile he repressed. “Nothing yet,” V said, walking to the table and opening a drawer. He got out a stack of papers and gave it to me. “I was waiting to ask all of you this, before proceeding.”

I looked at the papers while he walked again to place himself before the fireplace. I read them in silence, noticing Bel’s and Maria’s eyes on me, curious about what I had between my hands. When I finished, I snapped my head up to look at my fiancé.

“What is this?” I babbled, confused and, honestly, worried as well.

I had a bunch of different documents in my hands and I didn’t understand the correlation between them. There was a property document of a building at London, another of one in sale at Edinburgh, V’s birth certificate and death one, aside from the correction of the death one. Also, there was a paper allowing the Gallery to be turned into a protected property, to be used as a museum or part of the cultural history of England.

“Once the old government is thrown completely, I’ll be able to make a rectification of my death and get back the functionality of my identity,” V explained, with a bit of happiness dyeing his words. “To marry you and live like a normal man I need to do that. I want to. However, I have the vigilante in my blood and I want to keep doing that, even if it’s in a more moderate way. This country will need a good intelligence agency and I thought of starting the project with all of you, if you were willing to.”

“Opening an intelligence agency?” Maria laughed. “Us?”

“Yes. If the population don’t mind their past rebel leaders to do so, I don’t see why we couldn’t.”

“We’re an economist, a humanist, an ex-errand girl and a literate and amnesiac terrorist slash freer,” Bel laughed. “Taking charge of an intelligence agency needs more than that.”

“Nobody will know about the terrorist part, my friend,” V humoured her, smiling. “Victor will be just a broken free recluse who’s revived after hiding for two decades.”

“Yeah, but I know you,” Bel stated. “Are you sure you can do that? If you find a real threat, what tells me you won’t get into the mask and do it your way?”

“If the occasion demands it, I will proceed as the persona,” V said, without hesitating. “I can’t promise I won’t.”

Bel kept silent for a while, staring at him, holding his gaze. All of a sudden, she sat and smiled at him slyly. “Alright. I’m in.”

V seemed a bit confused, furrowing. “I thought you’d say the contrary.”

“No,” she laughed, rolling her eyes as if her behaviour was obvious. “I needed to know legality hasn’t eaten you. I’d be fucking mad if you renounced to your abilities and not use them to be correct. If I have to call you Victor in public for the rest of my life, I need to be able to call you V in private and feel it.”

They smiled lovingly at the other meanwhile I was trying to process what was happening. I was wondering how the hell I could work in an intelligence agency without not even knowing what was done in them; however, the papers of lending the Gallery were burning on my hands.

“And… You’re giving away the Gallery,” I said, not being able to help sounding a little sad.

V turned to me, his smile shattering, his face filling with understanding at my expression. He crossed his arms, sighing. “Yes. Only if you agree, of course,” he explained cautiously. “Technically, you own it now, so the last word is yours. But, since I suspected we wouldn’t be living here, at least it could be used as a museum or a shrine. Depends on who takes care of art and historical property matters from now on.”

I couldn’t help making a face. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the Gallery, the place that had been our home for so long, becoming a public place.

V approached me slowly, giving me a fond look that vanished a bit my uneasiness. Smiling slightly, he rose a hand to cup my face with supreme gentleness.

“I hope you weren’t expecting raising our kids here,” he said, sounding playful. “With so many weapons and little halls with so many staircases.”

I managed to crack a little smile, snorting softly, and looked down, slightly placing myself closer to his touch.

“You wanted to move in here again?” He asked.

“No,” I stated fast, knowing that certainly. “No. I want to stay at Setoun, but… I’ll miss this. I thought that we would keep it. Thinking that it’ll become a public place… I don’t know. It’s strange.”

“We can keep it, if you really want that,” V said, reassuring, and I rose my eyes to find his. “There’s no need to decide this now.”

I nodded and he let out a little sigh, straightening up and looking at all of us for a second. “Let’s hatch the final move.”

The key was not making a sound. Either way, the faintest gasp could mean instant death.

Bel and I had been sitting inside that enormous pipe for almost two hours, keeping our breathing inaudible, our hands clenching the edges of a heavy metallic net until our fingers hurt. We couldn’t let it go, couldn’t move, even if our limbs started to feel numb. We could barely see each other in the darkness, the only communication we could have the exchange of tense gazes.

This had to be executed perfectly. It was, most certainly, our last chance to defeat Roland and move on to a new chapter in England’s history, and in our lives as well. He was the last trace of our rotten past standing now; he had to be erased.

However, the bothering white sound of worry invaded my head while I waited there. This was the only part of the plan I managed to own, since V refused to let me do more now that he knew I was pregnant and still dealing with the trauma of thinking he lost me the last time I faced Roland. Besides, for the whole plan to work, my presence was needed in the upper world, so I didn’t oppose much. We would have to trust each other in this, for real; I had to put all my faith in V, in the thought that he would return to me. He always had done.

A thunder-like sound echoed through the sewerage, still far but close enough for us to hear. Bel and I exchanged an alarmed look, adrenaline rushing through us and we instinctively gripped the net harder. The moment to let it fall through the hole before us was near.

The sounds increased and approached, walls being hit, water splashing, grunts of pain fuelling the depths of my fears which I tried to swallow down. We waited, and waited, and waited, hearing the fight between Roland and V coming closer, unable to do anything else but be there, still trying to be quiet and barely breathing. Something complicated when your fiancé is in mortal danger somewhere under you and you can do nothing. Just wait.

Every second was excruciating, eternal; containing the urge to get out of there and help, unbearable.

“Now!” V’s voice hit our eardrums and the grip of our hands loosened immediately.

The net slipped down the hole, gravity taking it down to trap its prey, falling with a thud which followed a dark growl. Bel and I rushed into a more upright position and moved to a trapdoor near where we were, opening it and climbing down a staircase. Once our feet touched the floor of that empty place, somewhere in the sewerage of London, we fixed our eyes on Roland, trapped by the heavy net and between V’s legs, kneeled there for precaution.

“Go!” He exclaimed, looking at us through the mask. “And do as we agreed!”

I clenched my jaw, impotence taking over me, V’s wounds not invisible to my eyes, even if everything was very dark. I would have wanted to approach him fast, rip off his mask and place a hard kiss on his lips. I would have wanted to give him a fast but silent promise, a plea for him to come back to me. However, one of the things that I had learned those years was that there’s no time for tenderness until the danger has receded. So, one just can be stoic, swallow down those urgencies, and hope for the best.

Bel, even so, took my hand, for good measure, and pulled me towards a hall, starting to run. I followed, trying to keep my mind cool, and thought about our next step.

The feeling was still the same, hiding between a crowd of rebellious citizens, completely covered and waiting for the action to burst. If I closed my eyes and let my mind wander, it almost felt if I was there again, heading a revolution and mourning a man I couldn’t forget. But everything had indeed happened and, at last, it was finding an end to open another beginning.

The actual start of our lives.

The vans before the Council exploded. The crowd gasped and backed away, but people didn’t run away. I could feel how, after those years, even if fear was unavoidable, it wasn’t a barrier anymore. The rioters around me were scared, scared of being beaten, killed, imprisoned… But they were more scared of being trapped and, because of it, they didn’t back away. They stood, afraid, but also resilient.

“That was fucking fun,” I heard Bel said through my earpiece, who was hidden on a near roof, holding a remote.

“Look at them,” Maria said, probably wandering at the other side of the crowd, referring to the policemen, anxiously looking back and forth to the vans and the people. Some dropped their guns and disappeared; others stayed in confusion. “They know so many years of oppression and power abuse are gonna bit their arses right now.”

“If they had been clever enough to drop their responsibilities,” I blurted out mockingly, “they wouldn’t be facing a raging crowd right now. Serves them well.”

“Do you think they will shoot?” Bel asked.

“Not if they catch the hint.”

“Well… Some haven’t,” Maria said in a hurry, closer to the first line than I was. “Bel, get ready. Evey, come. Fast.”

I made my way to the front line, pushing people and advancing as quickly as I could, the known adrenaline of danger and duty rushing through me. When I reached the front line, I uncovered myself and took from under my coat a couple of guns, pointing at the few dumbasses that after having their vans exploded still had the guts to stay and try to harm the citizens there. Maria was a few steps away from me, doing just the same. I heard the gasps and murmurs that carried our names behind me and the piercing looks of the policemen, who swung between surprise and rage.

“If I was you, I wouldn’t do that,” I warned with a menacing voice.

“Not if you don’t want to explode like your stupid vans.”

Some wavered, their hands lowering slightly their weapons, but one seemed to enrage very fast. Maria shot him on the shoulder and then on the thigh, making him fall on his knees before he could shoot anyone.

“We’ve snipers pointing at you all around and I assure you: you don’t want to shoot against these people,” I warned. “The reign of terror is over. You don’t have a place here. Nothing to defend.”

“Summing up: get the fuck out of our sight and get lost,” Maria grunted. “Or we’ll turn you all into sieves.”

Some of them, stubborn even with the evidence that we weren’t joking before their faces, tried to approach us, ready to strike. Bel shoot near them when they tried, which seemed enough for them to finally run away from there.

I sighed. “Let’s go,” I said to Maria and then pressed a button of my earpiece to talk to Bel. “Get down, come on. We have work to do.”

“In a minute,” she answered, joyful.

We approached the entrance of the building and waited for Bel to join us. When she did, we entered, crossing the place in search of the room where the Minister could be. The workers around the halls looked at us, wide-eyed and even shocked, some of them, but no one tried to stop us.

When we found the place, a bright reception that led to the Minister’s office, we walked through it to reach its door. The young boy behind the desk there got startled at our appearance, and looked at us with a mix of awe and terror, although didn’t say a word.

Bel opened the door roughly and we launched ourselves inside the office. The Substitute Prime Minister was there, a man in his middles, seeming stressed enough to lose the poor hair he still had, who bounced at our appearance. He turned to look at us, his gaze turning wide and horrified, and dropped his mobile, which he had attached to his ear.

“Hi, Substitute Prime Minister,” I said, smirking a little, Bel closing the door behind me and backing against it to block it. “Care for a quick meeting?”

I sat on the chair in front of the desk, reclining against the back of it and crossing my legs, resting the gun I still had on my grip against my thigh. Everything so very casual.

“How you dare come here?” He stammered, trying to keep his composure, and reaching for his phone. “I’m calling…!”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Maria warned, sitting on an edge of the desk and pointing to him, seeming almost bored. “Throw it.”

The Minister looked at her, his pupils shrinking and sweat starting to bead on his forehead. With a vague gesture of his hand, he threw his mobile to a corner of the place.

“That’s better,” I muttered. “Don’t worry: we’re not here to harm you. We just want to talk.”

“Sure,” he breathed out, looking daggers at me. “Entering here by force and carrying weapons.”

“Using violence to be heard is a method implanted by your lot; not ours. We’re just… Adapting,” I explained, tilting my head a little towards Maria and she stopped pointing at him. “Lot that, by the way, it’s pretty extinguished, so you don’t have a choice but to listen to us, if you don’t want to end in a place worse than jail. We’re here to do you a favour, in fact.”

His lower lip trembled, even if he was clearly making an effort to seem stoic. He wasn’t stupid, for sure. Besides, he was just a substitute that probably was overwhelmed by the weight of the situation that had fallen over his shoulders.

“Considering the events of the pasts days, the reasonable way to do this is to accept that this era of terror is over. Yours have finally been exposed completely and it’s very improbable people will swallow your bullshit right now. This country deserves freedom and this is what you’re going to give to it,” I started. “First, you’re going to set other Elections and if enough population refuses to vote, which is the most probable thing happening, you’re going to leave your position and accept whatever penal charges you have. A provisional government must be elected afterwards and act as a supervisor of the country, not controlling any of the three powers, which had to be separated immediately, as a year of freedom of information is opened. When the year ends, there will be other Elections and then, and just then, people will choose the type of system they want. Is that easy.”

He gazed at me, petrified, for a few seconds. Then, he started to laugh. “That’s completely absurd. No one will refuse to vote.”

“You’re underestimating how tired this country is of being messed with,” I said sternly. “But sitting behind a desk, protected by tons of guards, you can’t know, of course.”

He held himself at the armrests of the chair, uncomfortable. “And what if I don’t do it?” He blurted out. “Will you kill me, then?”

“No. I’m not here to judge if you should still keep your place or not. I’m warning you, nonetheless, that if you don’t do what I’ve advised you, your head will end up chopped off your shoulders very soon. And not by my hand, but by the furious mob out there. Nothing is holding them back anymore. No antiriot squad. No vans. Nothing but the doubt if they should storm into this place today or wait a little bit more. So, you better choose quickly. That said,” I stood up, giving him a little smile. “Good evening, Substitute Prime Minister.”

I turned around, getting out of the room with Maria and Bel behind me, a smirk of triumph creeping up to my lips.

“Do you think he will do it?” Maria said, a little unsure.

“If he appreciates his life, sure,” I answered, shrugging my shoulders slightly. “And, if he doesn’t, well… Whatever happens, it will bloom from what the country wants, so… It’s a win-win, either way. We just have to wait a little more.”

In the mere span of a day, Elections had been settled to happen in four months. If everything went as planned, the Elections would fail and England would choose a new system for itself. Now, there was nothing else we could do; just give it time and, finally, live our lives freely. As freely as we could, at least. At that point in my life, I highly doubted our task would ever end. Let alone if carried on with opening an intelligence agency.

Nevertheless, my main concern, waiting in the Shadow Gallery, was every second that V wasn’t crossing the main door, safe and sound. The hours passed and the bliss of victory vanished more in regards to the worry. The air in the Gallery felt thick, oppressing, and all of us wandered around trying to ignore it.

V had warned us that it would take a few days to end up with Roland once and for all. He wanted to make sure the man wasn’t waking up. He had to destroy him to a point of no return and, considering the way he was, that could be more than difficult.

The night of the fifth day, I was too restless to sleep, to stay still. I left Vera with Allana and Nick and slipped out of the Gallery, walking towards the upper world. I walked through London in the low hours of the night, not directed to anywhere concretely; I just wanted to breathe the cold but heavy air of it, to hear my shoes on the steady pavement of its streets. I just wanted to focus on something I knew, something that no tyranny or war could change. The simplicity of the surroundings of the place of birth. Always similar enough to make you feel safe, known, if you closed your eyes and forgot about everything.

But, as always, I found myself drawn to the point where my life changed forever. And, when I realized I was in the exact alley where I met V, where he saved me, it seemed inevitable. Hadn’t our lived been like that? A series of inevitable paths, leading us to a purpose and, hence, to one another?

I finally stilled, looking around, the place familiar and alien at the same time. I had remembered that moment so many times that I felt I knew every corner of that spot, every line of the pavement, of the bricks of the walls, and how the moonlight fell over them. I still could hear the wrestling of the battle, the screams, the thud my body made when I was pushed to the floor. I could hear his voice, the rhetoric of a speech I struggled to follow. I could hear the knives scratching the wall, marking a V over a poster.

Approaching that wall, I passed my hand through the remains of the poster, barely visible now, just snatched of fading paper here and there. However, the scratch of the knives on the wall was still visible, if looking closely.

It seemed to have passed an eternity, as if the thought of my life in which V didn’t exist felt strange, even if that was the truth. However, time also seemed to have passed very fast. All my memories were as fresh as if the moments they owned had happened yesterday.

“_My only love sprung from my only hate_,” a velvety, husky voice said behind me, a voice I would recognize even if I was in the deepest bottomless pit of Hell.

Gasping, I turned around, finding V coming out of the shadows of the alley into the light, walking towards me slowly, with unbreakable aplomb.

“V…” I breathed out with absolute relief, feeling the tension and worry flee my body all at once.

I ran towards him, throwing myself inside his welcoming embrace, holding onto him as if the world was about to end. He held me tightly against his body, reassuring, and I hid my face in the crock of his covered neck.

“I was so worried,” I sighed, hugging him harder, feeling the known edges and warmth of him against my body, grounding me. I backed away a little, cupping his mask and pressing a kiss against its still lips. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I am, my love. Don’t fret anymore,” he assured me, raising a hand to caress my cheek, the leather of his glove against my skin giving me shivers. “It’s over now.”

“Really?” I asked, hopeful.

“Yes. It was tedious, but Roland is less than dust right now. I made sure,” he explained and I heard a hint of tiredness in his tone that carried something dark, something I was sure he would never tell me, and I would never ask. There was no need.

“I know you would make it,” I said, smiling softly.

“And so have you, darling,” he murmured. “None of this would have been possible without you.”

My smile grew wider for a second. Then, I lowered my hands to his shoulders, caressing down until placing my palms against his chest, a slight furrow still not abandoning my expression. He took one of his hands to mine, grabbing it and keeping both of them, now interlaced, against his chest.

“I’m not hurt, Evey. I assure you,” he spoke softly, bending over to rest the lips of his mask against my scalp for a second, before backing away to look at me again. “What are you doing in this place at such hours, anyway? When I’ve come back to the Gallery, Lana told me you had gone out.”

I made a faint grimace, dropping my gaze. “I was restless and couldn’t sleep. I needed to take a walk, move a little, and…” I looked up, around. “I ended up here, for some reason. I don’t know… Revisiting memories, I guess.”

“Good, or bad memories?” He teased, a tone of amusement blooming in his voice.

“Strange,” I smirked, approaching him until there was no space between us, “but good, yes.”

He hummed, tilting his head as if he wanted to kiss me, straightening up right away, probably realizing he couldn’t. I smiled knowingly, hugging him by the waist.

“Not every day your future masked husband saves your life from a bunch of Fingermen,” I teased. “It was a pretty unconventional first date.”

“So, it was a date?” He chuckled.

“Well,” I tilted my head, my smirk growing bigger. “You took me to a roof to see fireworks and then accompanied me home. Was kind of a date.”

“How many nights have you skipped sleep?” V asked, humouring me.

“None.”

He laughed softly, moving to my side and offered me an arm, which I took. “You will tease me about this until my last breath, right?”

“At least, until mine,” I answered, taking his arm. I sighed at the contact, feeling as if I was deflating slowly. “Let’s go home now.”

The next day, we packed everything up, got our luggage inside a van and got ready to return to Setoun. However, I felt anything but ready. When everybody got out, taking with themselves the last boxes, I stayed behind. I couldn’t get out yet. I needed a moment to accept, once I stepped out, this would stop being my home. At least, legally. I had accepted letting the Shadow Gallery go. We all were letting things from our past go and I had to make the effort too. However, I still needed a few moments more, just to say goodbye. Although, even if I was saying goodbye, even if I would never live there ever again, a part of me would always consider it as a home.

I wandered around for a while, from our bedroom to the endless halls full of art. I even made a quick trip to the fake prison. Nevertheless, where I stopped myself, unable to keep dwelling in memories but also to step out so soon, was in the living room, facing the Wurlitzer.

I heard a soft series of steps approaching me from behind. I smiled sadly, closing my eyes when a pair of arms encircled my waist and hugged me close. V placed a tender kiss on the side of my face and I relaxed against him.

“Would you like to concede me one last dance?” V asked me, the softness in his voice producing a shiver that ran down my spine.

“Just if you promise is our last dance, but here,” I asked, tilting my head back, resting it against his shoulder.

“Of course,” he sighed, a smile noticeable in his voice. “Choose whatever you fancy.”

My smile turned happier at this, knowing clearly what I would choose for our last dance at the Shadow Gallery. I pressed one of the buttons and _Bird Gurhl_ started to sound, the softest of its first notes echoing between the walls of the place. V chuckled and moved from behind me, grabbing my hand with a gentle smile, pressing a kiss over my knuckles and taking me to the centre of the room. We clung onto each other, starting to swing slowly, keeping the other as close as possible.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to leave it behind,” I sighed, resting my head against his shoulder, almost hiding my face against his neck.

“I’m aware, my love,” he answered, the reassurance echoing in his voice. “But we have a better place for ourselves now. We’ll have the life it’s been denied to us for years.”

“Yes, I know but it’s… Hard, anyway,” I closed my eyes, furrowing, feeling a flood of memories hitting me. “So much has happened here. I… It’s strange to think it’ll become so public.”

“We can keep it, still, if that’s what you want.”

“No. I’m… I’m not exactly against giving it away. It’s just… I just need to grieve it a little.”

“Alright,” he muttered, pressing a kiss against my hair, and I sensed him smiling. “I have to admit I would never have thought you’d become so attached to it. After everything.”

I backed away, recognizing the slight tone of auto-flagellation that flooded his statement. I fixed my eyes on his blue gaze, throwing a slightly stern look at him. “Every home has bad memories within. And it’s still a home, if there are enough good ones, enough comfort.”

He gave me a little smile, still tainted with a regret he hadn’t been able to completely let go yet. I tightened my arms around him, hiding my face against his throat, breathing in his scent.

“But you’re right,” I muttered. “What we have now will be better.”

We swayed slowly, eyes closed, and let the song carry on, let the moment live and die with it. And when the room became still with the perishing of its last note, we backed away from the embrace we were in, gazing at the other, knowing perfectly it was time for a definitive farewell of what, in a minute, would be our former home. V’s eyes shone with understanding, with tender compassion, and he grabbed my hand, taking it to his lips and placing a soft kiss on my palm.

“It’s time to go,” he muttered, reverent.

I was still for a beat. Then, I managed to nod once and he interlaced our hands, moving from the spot we were standing on, and I let him lead me, be the strength I didn’t have right then. He turned off the lights, took me to the door and closed it once we were out. The thud it did when it became shut reverberated inside me and I had to breathe in, hold back a sob and the tears on the edge of my eyes. We turned around, started to walk away from it, and my heart became heavier as we stepped further away from it.

When we were near the surface, I thought I would break into tears when we reached it. However, when we left the tunnels behind and emerged in the upper world, my heart beat easily again, the tension of the goodbye fading away. For a second, I was confused, just to realize right away why I felt so free suddenly.

Leaving the Shadow Gallery was sad for me, indeed. But that wasn’t why I had been feeling so forlorn about it. Every time I had had to leave it behind, never knowing when I would be back or if I would, V had stayed there, away from me. However, this time, V was coming with me, was emerging into the light, where finally both of us could exist. He was free. And that made me free as well.

Smiling genuinely, we got into the van and left London. We were returning home.

How something so peaceful had born from the fire was something that still escaped me. Eyes, so deep, so calming to look at; pure water, clearer than a river. Hands, firm but gentle, grabbing mine while a known voice recited and the ocean sounded in the background. Soul, bond to mine even before this day started.

V smiled lovingly, his gaze shining, his hands slightly grabbing mine harder. I returned it, overwhelmed by the love radiating through him, the happiness painting his features. Freedom was written all over him, on the relaxation of his expressions, the openness of his voice, the whiteness of the suit he was wearing.

“Will you, Victor, take this woman to be your wedded wife?” The voice of Allana echoed in my ears, returning me slightly to reality.

My heart started to beat wildly, breaking the steady rhythm that it had followed since our wedding had started. My eyes flickered to her for a second, before fixing on V again, who was seconds away to become my husband now. And, for a second, the sheer reality of that fact, the thrill of it, seemed unreal.

V’s smile grew wider, fonder, as he picked up the ring laying on the cushion over Allana’s palms. He held one of my hands gently, putting the ring on my finger ever so gently. “I will.”

“Will you, Evey, take this man to be your wedded husband?”

A beat. A breath while grabbing the ring. A returned beam while grabbing his hand. “I will,” I said, slipping the ring on his finger.

“By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss each other,” Allana proceeded, the emotion in her voice unmistakable.

V leaned towards me, pressing his lips against me with absolute softness, and the crowd behind us roared, escalating with a mix of applause and whistles.

It was done. Finally.

I hugged his neck, pressing both of us closer, and deepened the kiss, not able to contain the bliss when the reality sunk into me, taking roots for good. When I broke the kiss, V kept his forehead pressed against mine, giggling with happiness and a little bit of embarrassment, and it was a sight so beautiful it made me want to drag him to my mouth again. However, there was a crowd still roaring, so we turned towards the attendants of our wedding, having rose up from their chairs and still clapping their hands. We climbed down the improvised altar on the beach and reached our friends, waiting at the first row, being welcomed with hugs, smiles and tears.

Everyone moved to the main square eventually, which had been prepared beforehand with elegant tables with centres made of red roses and enough space had been left to settle a dancefloor. Also, through the space above it had been hung a series of nets of little lights, which lighted up when the night fell.

The attendants sat on their respective tables and we had dinner calmly, surrounded by happiness and laughter, accompanied by flute after flute of champagne. After the dessert, Allana woke up from our table without saying a thing and V and I looked at her, then at each other, and finally to Maria and Bel, sitting across our round table.

“Where is she going?” I asked, when I saw the smugness on both their faces, right away knowing there was something planned we didn’t know about.

Maria laughed devilishly and Bel shrugged her shoulders.

“I think I have reasons to be afraid,” V muttered, bouncing Vera on his lap.

“Indeed,” I mumbled.

“Attention, please,” we heard Allana say, her voice echoing through the loudspeakers. We turned around to see her standing on the little scenario, before the microphone. Everyone went quiet, shifting their attention to her. “Thank you. I hope you all are enjoying the dinner and such especial day. And thank you to everyone who collaborated in making this wedding a reality. Now, the closest friends and family will like to say a few words each to our newlyweds. And I’ll start, because… I think chronologically is proper so, let’s get to it.”

Allana cleared her throat and I could avoid letting out a little laugh, my gaze flickering to V for a second, who seemed between embarrassed and amused.

“Well, first, V… I’d like to tell you how proud I am of you. I think I haven’t said this enough, not now and not when we were kids. I mostly remember us arguing for whatever and I teasing you because of your hair, or the books you read, or, I don’t know… I always found reasons to mess with you. It was practically my hobby. But I was incredibly proud of you, of my stupid, careless, but also brilliant and kind little brother. Losing you was probably the worst that has happened to me in my life and I regret every time I wasn’t a better sister for you. I regret not having hugged you more, said more that I loved you, or understood you better. Because, for more than twenty years, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to, not anymore. And that was probably what could have happened. However, I was blessed with another chance and I swear I’m not going to waste it. And you know I don’t care about what happened to you. I don’t mind what you did, or what broke in you because of it. You are my brother and I’ve loved you every day since the day you came to this world, when mom let me hold you in my arms,” she smiled widely, tears pricking in the corner of her eyes, which fixed on me. “And Evey. My sweet friend, the best sister-in-law I could have asked for… I just have gratitude and love for you. You came to my life completely unexpected, with even more unexpected news. You took my brother back to me, gave him a life and a reason to go on. I only can say… Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. I think I will never do enough to return to you a fraction of what you’ve done for me.”

I sniffled, drying a lonely tear that I couldn’t hold back. Suddenly, Maria got up and Allana climbed down the scenario, giving the micro to her when they met each other midway. When she reached the table, she hugged V, who clung onto her for a moment, and then she approached me to kiss my cheek and hug me too. When we heard Maria clearing her throat, we looked at the scenario again.

“Well, I’m not that good with feelings and such but I still have a few things I want to say, so fuck it: you all will have to stand my rambling and shut up about it. First, Evey, crazy-head you… I don’t think I’ve ever met a braver person in my whole life, so stupidly brave that you put yourself out there to protect the people of this country when you were absolutely broken. I admire you so much; I don’t think I’ll be that level of good person ever. You found a reason to live even when life threw the worst shit at you and you still went on. And, honestly… You’ve always given me hope. This life, the one I chose, has been crazy shit; pretty bad, really. Well, not all of it, but mostly. But, every time I thought we would end up with a bullet in our heads or that we would lose, your strength gave me hope. No matter how bad the situation was, you always kept moving forward. And I’m glad every day that I chose to follow you, because now I have a good life. And, secondly,” she pointed at V, smirking, “I have something for you too, my friend,” she lowered her arm again, placing her palm on her waist and looking smug. “Oh, boy… I remember perfectly when we first worked together. I didn’t understand shit of what you said most of the time and I didn’t have Evey to translate and Bel to screech at in frustration. Also, I wanted to smack you very hard for reasons I won’t mention here because there are minors and… Huh… Pretty inappropriate everything. But, in a way, you know I ended up vibing with you. I don’t know why; we’re very different. I think it’s to protect my pride because I always feel that your intelligence challenges me and that annoys me very much,” she teased and I heard V laugh by my side. “Don’t fucking laugh! I’m serious here! Oh, sorry kids… Anyway. I love you, man. You’re awesome and I’m very happy to be your friend, even if you’re insufferably correct all the time.”

It was Bel’s moment to stand up and pick the microphone, standing on the scenario with a sweet smile.

“I think I’ll start too with you, Evey, because we met first and…” She sighed, shrugging her shoulders and letting out a little laugh. “I’m sure I’ll forget things but, anyway… You know how much I adore you. You’ve been my dearest friend, aside from Maria, and I agree with her in that you are probably the bravest person I’ve ever met. You’ve taught me how to be resilient, and strong and how to be flexible with my prejudices. And you’ve always been loving and sweet, even if you could break through walls and anti-riot squads to fight for what was right. You’re a blessing for me, and for everyone who has met you, I’m sure, and, of course, for this country. I love you with all my heart and I don’t think you deserve any less than all the happiness and love in the world. I hope to live as long as you do, just to make you smile as much as I can and hold you whenever you need to cry. And, V… We certainly didn’t begin our relationship in very good terms, but the way you unconditionally love my friend made me see the truth I knew was more complicated than I thought. I came to know you and appreciate you for the incredible soul that you are… You overcame everything that tried to destroy you, even when that was you yourself, and you grew until you became better, just to have the happiness you certainly deserve. That strength, that resilience, and the capacity to give and love even after everything you went through… I think that’s what I admire of you the most. I hope you can have all you deserve. I hope for you to be happy for the rest of your days and I’m honoured to call you my friend. Finally, to both of you… You can’t imagine the joy it brings me to see you here, together… I’ve lived most of your relationship and I’ve seen the ups and downs… I’ve seen all of it and, believe me, every second has been perfect. Love is a wonderful thing to have. Probably the only thing that truly deserves to be sought and fought for. But it’s hard, what you have, it’s hard to find: a person that conveys practically all the kinds of love there are. And you two found it. In the darkest of times, you found it and you chose to keep it even when there was no hope. You two lighted up the way for us. All I can say now is thank you and wish that you keep enlightening us with your inspiring love, no matter if the days turn dark again or the sun always accompanies us. So, everyone… I propose a toast for the couple,” she rose the flute she had in her hand and smiled at us. “To Evey and Victor.”

Everyone toasted. Nevertheless, no one noticed the hand slipping to mine under our table, the way V’s hand tenderly sought to interlace with mine. We looked at each other and I found so much joy and love in his gaze that I almost couldn’t contain the tears. Instead, I just squeezed his hand harder and muttered a silent ‘I love you’.

After hours of endless dancing, we escaped the party. Allana insisted on taking care of Vera, who had fallen asleep very fast with Nicky holding her, also fallen asleep. We decided to come back home while taking a walk by the shore, barefoot, enjoying the low temperature on our tired limbs.

“I’m sorry we won’t have a proper honeymoon,” V said, squeezing my hand more

“It’s alright,” I smiled. “We decided it’s too soon to leave. Everything is too recent now. We’ll have time to travel once the situation becomes more stable.”

V sighed and, eventually, stopped dead on his tracks, pulling me into an embrace with a smirk. I laughed when he started to sway.

“More dancing?”

“The music can be heard from here, still,” he said, close to my mouth. “And you look so beautiful now… I can’t resist.”

“Well… Just one more,” I muttered, fixing my intense stare on his. “We have something to take care of back home.”

His smile grew wider. “Is that it?”

“Yeah,” I sighed, closing the slight gap between our mouths, drowning in him.

We danced slowly to the faint sound of music, echoing in the distance, filling the town and reaching the beach. I melted into his arms, my ear pressed against his chest, hearing the steady rhythm of his heart.

“Thank you for never giving up on me, Evey,” he muttered softly, kissing the top of my head. “You can’t imagine how happy I am right now.”

“I have an idea, actually,” I smiled softly, not moving, not opening my eyes.

“I promise you won’t regret choosing this life with me.”

“I don’t think I ever will,” I rose my head, looking at him. “I love you, V. I always will. No matter what.”

He seemed pleased, more content than he had ever been. He seemed completely free. “I love you too. And, now,” he crouched a little and rose me from the floor, taking me in his arms. I yelped a bit with surprise, and hold onto his neck by pure instinct, “we have something to take care of now, no?”

I nodded, still startled, and he started to walk to our house, crossing the distance between the shore and it. While he carried me in his arms to our home, I couldn’t help to admire his features, the lines of a fighter who still had the eyes of a young boy, and I was certain that everything had been worth it. Every moment of pain, of desolation, of my heart breaking into million pieces.

At that moment, I knew that, for him, for the life we were building together, I would do it all again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue already posted!


	23. I was a loaded gun, you were the reckless one, so say it again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue
> 
> (If you landed here first and haven't read the last chapter, you can go back and read it; they've been posted at the same time <3)

_16 years later_

_5th of November_

Peacefulness, is what I felt when walking towards the shore.

Clarity, when I sunk myself, breaking the weaves’ surface, submerging in the water.

Love, when I got out, standing by the sea, and saw a known lithe figure in the distance, standing at the porch of my home, waiting for me.

Happiness, when reached it, and Evey’s hazel eyes examined me with absolute fondness, and she stretched a hand for me to grab, even if I could get up by myself. I always took it.

When I was by her side, I smiled and she grinned too, her gaze sparkling with a flame that, even after almost two decades of looking at me, had never extinguished.

“Hi, love,” she muttered, placing her arms around my neck, clinging onto me, bringing our bodies closer. “Happy birthday. And happy anniversary.”

The coolness of my skin seemed to flee immediately. “Happy anniversary,” I managed to say, too occupied with drinking the sight of Evey, her hair shorter, barely reaching her shoulders, and dressed in a tight burgundy dress. “I thought you’d be arriving later.”

“I wanted to be here sooner. I took the first flight I could,” she explained, approaching, clearly not wanting to talk more, and pressed her passionate lips on mine. I sighed into the kiss, drowning gladly, and gave her all the control, unable to fight such emotion.

“I missed you extremely,” I sighed, leaning over her to capture her soft lips again, feeling a tension I didn’t know I was gathering evaporate.

“Is that so?” Evey purred, caressing my cheek with her palm, the cool touch of her ring making me shiver. “Well… Same here. I hate to wake up and not see your pretty eyes right away.”

“Oh, love. You don’t need flattery to get me,” I laughed. “I think we’ve been pretty married for a while, don’t you?”

“Even so, I never took you for granted,” Evey answered, her expression turning more serious, as well as more tender.

I gulped, suddenly speechless, and I pressed my forehead against hers, sighing, closing my eyes, my heart weakening before her.

“I’m sorry we can’t celebrate properly,” she said, sorrowful.

“It’s alright,” I sighed, backing away to look at her, and offered a soft smile. “We’ll have a bit of free time when this is over.”

She huffed sarcastically. “Free time? I haven’t known what that is for twenty years.”

Pressing my lips onto a thin line, I ran out words again, much to my dismay. It had been a few rough months, that was true.

We had been working on what seemed a little cell planning to attack the new democracy of the country, now well established. It wasn’t the first time we were taking care of things outside our job in our way. I had been picking the mask up very frequently, more even than I would have liked. Evey wasn’t much bothered about it. She even had ended up wandering around with her new theatrics more than I did. How ironic, I always thought, that we had ended up that way, her being more reckless than the master that had shown her the tricks.

“It is my hope that you’ve been careful,” I said, not being able to mask my worry, “whatever you’ve been doing the last nights.”

“You know I always am,” she smirked, slyly. “You’ll be glad to know I’ve some new information I got last night… From a very short-minded minion, I’ve to say. Besides… Fighting lurking neo-opposition at London alleys during the night it’s not that hard now. Their quality is receding exponentially fast.”

I let out a soft laugh. “Come on. Let me prepare you some breakfast, while you tell me what you’ve got,” I muttered, passing an arm around her waist and driving her into the house. “We’ll have a few minutes before the kids wake up.”

She hummed, leaning into me a little, which never failed to make me smile contentedly. We walked to the kitchen, just to find a figure leaning over the fridge, backing on its door, looking inside. From behind, one could only see a lithe body, although with broad shoulders and strong legs, and a rebel mane of blond curls on the top of the young boy’s head. He turned around at the sound of us entering the kitchen, a pair of deep brown eyes fixing on us and his soft features quickly filling with tension.

We stared at our son, Aitor, for a second, until Evey approached him to hug him and caress his tangled mane, smiling at him with content after a few days of not seeing him. Aitor smiled too, leaning into his mother touch, and I felt my heart soaring, never having enough of such images. Aitor resembled Evey more, in every way, and when they were so close it was even more noticeable.

However, even if I was filled with happiness, I didn’t let pass the obvious nervousness written in Aitor’s eyes. Aitor was always the one who woke up later, Vera being the one to wake him, since she slept less. They always appeared in the kitchen together to have breakfast. At least, it had been like that before.

“Where’s Vera, Aitor?” I asked, backing on the doorstep.

He tensed up and Evey backed away from him, looking at me and understanding right away. Her gaze flickered to our son too, waiting. Aiden looked at us with nervousness.

“I… She’s… I couldn’t…” He stammered, not getting a single sentence out completely.

I sighed, tiredly, and Evey seemed as much worried as amused. We looked at each other, not needing a word to understand what the other was thinking.

Since Vera turned sixteen, a year ago, she had started to try to engage in the things happening around the country, behind our backs. Our children knew almost everything about our past, about what our lives had been before having them and living a pretty normal life. Almost, because Evey and I had agreed on never telling them about the fake prison. About the rest, they knew it all, which meant they knew what our profession was. Our intelligence agency worked well. Maria was currently in charge of the London headquarters while we managed the closest one to our home, in Edinburgh. However, we never left our vigilante side, and we still worked on the side-lines when it was necessary. And, lately, it had been more than necessary. The neo-fascist cell was forming fast and they were far from being what Norsefire and their predecessors had been, but we weren’t taking chances, so we were trying to solve the problem as fast as possible. This was public knowledge, as everything our agency worked on, since the country chose a real democracy for it and absolute transparency of its governmental departments. Also, this new cell was pretty inclined to make sound. They had caused a couple of minor attacks and threats already. So, there was no way Vera didn’t know about it. And, something in her seemed to ignite and she wanted to help. We appreciated the worry, although she was too young to let her into the agency. We had taken care that our kids knew how to defend themselves, true, just in case something happened one day. I had lived as Victor for almost two decades without nobody discovering I was also V, but it might come the time when somebody figured out. So, if somebody tried to do something to our children, they could fight back. Even so, they weren’t ready to engage in such missions yet.

And we made that clear. And Vera revolted.

Since we weren’t letting her help, she decided to go on her own. She knew a few more acquittances that were trying to hunt the cell down too, and she started to escape in the middle of the night to meet them in Edinburgh, where she attended high-school. Vera had managed to know how to get out of the house unnoticed, even to my heightened senses. She had dragged Aitor with her sometimes, who was also inclined to help, but more fearsome of being reprimanded. The irony of how it had never escaped us. In a way, it was helpful, because we knew how they will proceed in their actions.

Which, obviously, worried us just as much. Vera was taking a way that was too familiar to us and saying I was very concerned wasn’t near enough to describe what I felt. The new cell in the process of forming wasn’t as dangerous as Norsefire, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t. For a few teenagers with good intentions but bad procedure, it was dangerous indeed.

My mobile, resting on the counter, lighted up when a call came in. I reached for it right away, taking it without even looking who was it.

“Yes?” I asked, not able to contain the rush in my voice.

“It’s me,” Allana’s voice sounded at the other side of the line. “Someone missing in the house?”

“I’m afraid yes,” I sighed, furrowing and backing against the counter. “I assume you know something, calling so soon.”

“I do. Nicky just called me. It seems whatever method of transportation she had to come back unnoticed had failed her and dragged herself to his apartment. He’s taking her home now, so don’t worry. She’s whole,” she assured and I felt the tension leave my body all at once with a sigh. “Oof, that sound sounds like parental tension. Are you free now? Has Evey arrived yet?”

“Yes. She’s here already,” I rubbed my forehead, feeling a slight headache kicking in.

“Drop by later to have tea, if you want,” Allana offered. “I think you need a little break.”

“Right,” I agreed, breathing out. “Maybe, we’ll come later.”

We said goodbye and I hung up, leaving the mobile on the counter. I told what Allana had said to Evey and we agreed to have a little talk with Vera when she arrived. Aitor, knowing this wouldn’t be pretty, decided to grab something for breakfast and hide in his room upstairs.

Evey and I waited in the kitchen, sitting on the table and waiting to hear the door. Almost thirty minutes later, the sound reached us, followed by a series of rushed steps and a figure passing by the kitchen’s doorstep so fast it was almost blurred to our eyes.

“Not so fast, darling,” I said and the steps stopped before reaching the stairs. “Come back here, right now.”

An audible groan was heard and then its owner stepped back until appearing at the kitchen, crossing the doorstep. Suddenly, there was a young woman in the middle of the kitchen, with her long black mane falling over her shoulders and intense blue eyes staring at me, backed against the counter now. Vera had a fierce presence, a fire in her gaze that was undoubtedly mine.

Her soft features were twisted with annoyance and, when her eyes flickered to notice the presence of her mother, also there, they contracted even more. She crossed her arms and pressed her thin lips onto a thin line.

“What,” she blurted out.

“What?” I furrowed, crossing my arms as well. “You know what.”

It was like looking at a mirror from the past and it made me shiver every time. Five years ago, I finally recovered my lost memories, my life before Larkhill returning to my mind. It hadn’t been a good phase after that, not for me, neither for Evey; but I was grateful, because it became to be very useful to understand Vera. It made me wish we weren’t so alike. Nevertheless, that was how things were.

“At least, I’m trying to do something,” she blurted out, not ashamed at all. Never backing away from her resolution. “You’re just sitting behind desks and making calls that serve for nothing. You have no right to blame me.”

“We’re not blaming you, hon,” Evey said, her tone swinging between tenderness and sternness. “But this has to stop. You can’t sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to go, who knows how, to Edinburgh, and meet with people you barely know. To do, what? Witch-hunting? That doesn’t work like that.”

She furrowed even more, anger creeping up to her expression. “The nerve!” She exclaimed. “I’m doing exactly what you two have forgotten how to do! You’ve settled, grown comfortable! What you are doing in the agency doesn’t work at all! It’s just fucking diplomacy.”

“Moderate your language, young girl,” I warned calmly. “We’re taking care of everything and, believe me, it will work.”

“Well, I don’t believe it,” Vera argued back. “You put down the mask,” she went on, and it seemed to be a hint of disappointment in her when those words came out. “You left behind what you were and I’m sorry but I found it absolutely outrageous. And I… I understand, okay? I understand that after everything you went through you wanted to have a calmer life. But, if you chose that, you at least have to let others relieve you two.”

“You’re absolutely mistaken, Vera,” I said. “It’s not a matter of you helping; that’s not the problem,” I breathed in, knowing she would detest what I was about to say just as much as I would detest saying it. “It’s just that you are too young to engage in such endeavours. We’ve talked about this: when the time comes, we will let you help, teach you everything you need to know.”

“I’m not interested in that kind of helping anymore,” she spat out with venom.

“Then, I’m afraid the only thing we can do for now is grounding you.”

She huffed, looking away for a moment. “How? Closing me inside the house forever?”

“If your carelessness reaches the extreme to put yourself in danger one more time, that will be the case, yes.”

“Alright,” she said with sarcasm and turned around, getting out of the kitchen. A door closing roughly echoed through the house.

I sighed and looked at Evey. “Tea?”

I poured the steaming tea in the cup and turned around, holding it between my hands. Evey and Allana looked at me, curious, waiting.

“She’s so…” I sighed, furrowing.

“Like you,” Allana huffed, almost laughing, her lines of expression turning more noticeable. She rested one elbow on the table and backed her chin on her palm, a smirk appearing on her lips. “I’d say that’s a pure act of karma, but I won’t.”

“You just did,” I muttered and Evey smiled widely, sipping her tea.

It was a fact that Evey found this amusing. She couldn’t avoid being worried, but she didn’t feel like Vera was in extreme danger. In the end, Nicky and Bel were both living in Edinburgh and had an eye on her if we realised that she had escaped. Vera didn’t know her cousin was also working with us, who had also been trained along with her and Aitor. Just in case. However, they had no idea he was overseeing them. They thought he was just studying, recently having started a Master, which was true.

“Love, why don’t we tell her what we are doing?” Evey said softly. “This is counterproductive. She will do as she pleases, and you’ll only fuel it if you deny her the instinct of fighting.”

“Because she’ll want to come with us. And she’s not ready.”

“And she won’t be either, if this goes on like this. She’ll be eighteen soon. Maybe it’s the moment to, I don’t know… Let her participate, for real.”

“Evey’s right,” Allana agreed, nodding. “You know well she won’t listen. If she wants to do this, she will. Nothing will stop her. Vera’s stubborn like that. You were stubborn like that. Did you ever listen to me? No. And look at what happened. Boom. Imprisoned. There aren’t secret camps of experimentation now, but there are very stupid and angry lads out there with knives in their pockets who won’t even blink to attack whoever opposing them. And she can fight, yeah, but she isn’t implacable.”

“I know,” I grunted.

“Then stop being a stupid overprotective dad and do something about it for real,” Allana blurted out.

Evey stood up, backing on the counter by my side and placing a tender hand on my shoulder. I looked at her, receiving an expression of comprehension.

“Vera really looks up to you,” Evey murmured with absolute fondness, her eyes sparkling with love. “She has always admired you and thinking you’ve changed, settled down, is not making her any good. We can be out there with her. We all learned how, mostly alone, and she has the luck to not have to learn by herself. She has us, and Bel and Maria, her cousin… She will be fine.”

I furrowed, trying to breathe in the security Evey had. Maybe it was that she had dealt with me in my worst and was ready for this, once we suspected Vera was like me. Although, the most probable thing was that she was just wiser than me for this.

“I’ll think about it,” I surrendered. Evey seemed pleased enough, but Allana just snorted. “Stop it,” I furrowed, turning to her.

“Brat,” she breathed out against her cup, taking a sip.

I saw Evey smirking sideways and I just decided to let it pass. I hadn’t the energy to deal with siblings’ teasing right now.

She slowly untied the gown’s belt around her waist, loosening it, letting the fabric open and fall, leaving her nude before me. I breathed out, admiring her figure, contrasted by the moonlight entering through the window at her back. I reached for her hands, interlacing them with mine, and carried her with me when I laid on the bed. Evey straddled my lap, bending over to kiss me.

“You’re so beautiful,” I breathed out. “I still can’t believe you’re my wife.”

She smirked against my life. “You still think that, after so many years?” She teased.

I grabbed her hips, pushing her down softly, our bodies touching and ripping a gasp from both of us. “I’ve never stopped burning for you, Evey. You should know that.”

She shivered, kissing me again, more passionately. We fumbled a little, gripping at the other, drowning in kisses and heat, until we found the way to join in that mess. Evey started to sway her hips over me, never taking her mouth much away, cupping my face and capturing my soft moan with her lips.

All of a sudden, the sound of a car in the distance reached my ears, which immediately started to fade as the vehicle moved away. I stilled Evey, holding her hips harder, and I know she saw the urgency in my eyes when emitted a little growl.

“She has escaped again, right?” She asked.

“I think so,” I said. “I heard a car driving away after stopping by.”

That wouldn’t have alarmed me if it wasn’t because no car would stop by our house, built at the end of a road, and in the middle of the night, just to drive away that fast.

Evey sighed tiredly, getting off me and approaching the closet. She opened the secret bottom of it and grabbed something, throwing it at me. I grabbed it in the air, a known mask suddenly in my grip.

“Let’s end this nonsense,” she said, a little sternly. “Alright?”

I gulped, displeased, but nodded anyway.

When the blade made a cut on my side, I was too concerned to even notice. I just turned around, shielding Vera behind me, against a wall, and knocked down the two badly masked men who had tried to attack her and would have succeeded, if Evey and I hadn’t reached the place in time.

Apparently, Vera not only had escaped that night; she had also carried Aitor with her. How both of them and a few of their acquittances had ended up mixed in a street fight, it wasn’t hard to figure out; they were probably searching for it. Nevertheless, they were the only ones able to fight somehow and ended up alone against a number of attackers too huge for them.

At the moment I didn’t dare to imagine what would have happened if Evey hadn’t decided to come after them that night. My only worry was getting them out of such a situation.

“Dad!” I heard Vera screeching with terror when the last man ended up on the floor. She came to me, grabbing my arms and looking shaken, her eyes fixing on my wound right away.

Evey, who had been fighting them off near where I was, protecting Aitor, ran to me immediately. Aitor followed her, gasping when he saw the wound, and Evey’s eyes widened. She passed an arm behind me, holding me closer, and just then I realized it was deeper than I felt it.

“Nicky’s apartment. Now,” Evey demanded. “Come on. Through the alleys.”

“I’m alright,” I protested.

“Shush,” she said, giving me a stern look, and I knew her lips were pressed in worry behind the mask covering her mouth.

“Dad, I’m s…” Vera muttered, seeming on the verge of tears.

“No time for that now,” Evey stated. “Move.”

Vera gulped a few times, clearly restraining herself. Aitor seemed to want to disappear, merge with a wall of the ally and vanish.

Luckily, Nicky’s apartment wasn’t far from where we are. He didn’t ask questions when we showed up, Evey holding me while bleeding and our kids behind us, looking troubled. Evey took me to the bathroom and asked Nicky for the emergency kit and a few surgery tools.

“Love, I can do it,” I muttered when she had me undressed from the waist up and started to clean the wound. My gaze flickered up for a second, seeing Vera, Aitor and Nicky watching us from the doorstep. Vera was looking at the scene with blurry eyes, unfocused. I gave my nephew a nod and he quickly dragged them to the living hall.

“I’ve been treating your wounds for almost twenty years. I won’t stop now,” she said, completely focused now.

I knew she wouldn’t let me do it and my mind was too shaken still to argue. I let Evey do her thing. Everything was silent for a while, until I started to overhear an argument that just grew louder and louder.

“It’s your fault,” I heard Vera say harshly with a low voice.

“My fault?” Aitor answered, whispering roughly. “My fault?! You’ve been the one to drag me to your thing because you couldn’t keep your arse in the house.”

“Don’t pretend to be the good one here! We both know you’re against what’s happening too.”

“Yeah, I am. But I pass to be so careless, thank you very much.”

“Ugh! I can’t stand you! You’re just playing to be the oh-so-innocent boy! You make me sick when you do that.”

“Hey! Don’t project your shit on me. I didn’t want to do this tonight. I was worried for you and I swear you wouldn’t have convinced me otherwise! Just because you can’t fucking listen!”

“Guys!” Nicky intervened, but they seemed to ignore them.

“Right! Fine! It’s all my fault!”

“Yeah, it is! Shit, Vera! You can’t stop being arrogant, for real! Not even when dad got stabbed because you wanted to play the night watcher! Stop now!”

A beat. “But they lied! They… They could have told me! Told us! This… They have been doing this all the time and I…? I deserved to know.”

“Enough you two!” Nicky almost yelled. “If you don’t stop being a pair of brats, I swear I’ll smack you both! For goodness’ sake…”

Evey had stopped stitching my wound and we were both looking at the other, hearing the argument in silence. There was something in her gaze, something she didn’t need to say out loud. It was a petition, one that had nothing of optional. I nodded and she finished stitching my wound and covering it. Before getting out of the bathroom, I put on the shirt Nicky had left for me there, which was over-sized for him, but almost too tight on me. Then, I walked into the living room. Aitor was sitting on the couch, looking down, furrowing with clear annoyance and Vera was pacing before him, arms crossed. Nicky was sitting on a chair next to the table, rubbing his forehead. All of them turned to me when I entered the place, three pairs of worried gazes fixing on me.

“I’m alright,” I rushed to say before any question was brought up. “It looked worse than it was. No need to worry.”

Vera was still now and her eyes dropped to the floor when seemed on the verge of tears again. I approached her, cupping her face gently. Her lips trembled, unable to contain the tears anymore. She sobbed, leaning into my touch.

“I’m sorry,” she whined. “I’m so sorry, dad. Forgive me.”

“It’s alright, my love. I have my part of guilt too.”

She looked up, sniffling, my heart flooding with tenderness. Vera always seemed sure of herself; however, now, she just seemed little again, scared and confused.

“Maybe we should have told you what we were doing, that we never put down our task of vigilantes.”

“It would’ve been nice, yeah,” she whispered, looking down again.

I dropped my hands to her shoulders. “I need you to understand the danger you’ve been putting yourself in, and your brother too, even so,” I stated. “Do you?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out.

“If you really want to participate in this, we will let you. But you’ll have to learn to be patient and listen to us, am I clear?”

Vera gasped, gazing up to me, surprise painting her expression. I gave her a little smile. “But…” She stammered.

“I can’t contain what you feel inclined to do. No one could contain me, when I felt it for the first time, but, in my case, I ended up facing consequences that changed my life in a bad way. I don’t want that for you and your mother is right. We should guide you, instead of making you swallow it down. Will you want to help us, with these conditions?”

She nodded vigorously, a few more tears escaping her eyes. I cupped her face again, smiling and pressing a kiss on her forehead, sighing with relief. She hugged me, careful not to touch my wound, and I hugged her close, until her face had hidden under my chin. I swayed her in the embrace a little when another sob escaped her mouth.

“It’s alright now,” I comforted her, kissing the top of her head.

Aitor was still looking conflicted, very little in his spot on the sofa. I smiled, giving him a fond look and extended one arm towards him, inviting. He stood up right away, joining the embrace. I hugged them both, sinking into the closeness of them, overwhelmed for a second for the love I felt vibrating on my skin. Then, I noticed Evey watching us from the doorstep, with that expression of bliss she always had in those moments, and I smiled back at her.

No matter how many years passed, how many still had to come. Every second of the life I had now was a blessing, a reality that even now seemed a dream. And I would die in peace, someday, knowing that I had protected the love I had been blessed with until the very end.

I loosened my embrace, still looking at Evey, and then to our children, still holding onto their shoulders.

“Let’s go home. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we’ve reached the end of this story finally.
> 
> It’s very strange, to be honest. I started this in November, expecting to write something around 60k words and this turned into a crazy rollercoaster of 250k words. I know it has taken me a while to update but this was my senior year at uni and with what is happening the last months had been extenuating. I finally graduated but I was so tired I was very blocked with this story. I wanted the ending to be good and I needed to recover a bit of my energy to write it down. So, here it is. I hope that you’ve enjoyed it! And thank you so much to those who have been here since the beginning and also to those who’ve joined these months! Thank you so, so much! It’s been a pleasure to share this with all of you!
> 
> This story has been very important to me, for different reasons. Firstly, this is the longest thing I’ve ever written (and in English, which isn’t my first language, and thanks to it I’m very fluent now) and it’s made grow a lot as a writer. Secondly, I started writing this in a moment in which my anxiety was making me very dull and this made me recover enough to feel myself again. So, yeah… I think this will be always dear to me and I’ll be happy if I’ve been able to transmit a bit of how special it to me to you.
> 
> I said I’d be writing a couple of things more about this story (one, the continuation of this epilogue; the other, how V recovered his memories). However, my block with this is still there and maybe I have to let this story rest for a while. I have both stories plotted so maybe I’ll write them someday soon. You can subscribe to the series if you’re interested in reading more, if I come to do it.
> 
> The playlists have been updated, as always. Find them here: [Evey's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Ul5sOjU0TKuQCAkKXHzeS?si=aX08S8aJRqOyXRhszGJ10g) and [V's Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1VjVNFmfETIpehoTINYsfD?si=tm0JDqvIR9ysfZcIBi3I6w). 
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://nuria-schnee.tumblr.com/) too! AND ALSO @minoumi on Tumblr made [this beautiful fanart](https://minoumi.tumblr.com/post/621550098987499520/my-fanart-for-veritas-vincit-by-nuryrune-i) for this story <3 I’m still screaming in joy about it!
> 
> Again, thank you so much for everything! <3 It’s been an incredible ride!


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